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- [00:00]
A
Hi, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patti. I'm an ADHD and executive function coach here to help you to struggle less and thrive more with your ADHD brain. This is episode 233 and today giving you a quick overview. I'm going to be talking about my celebration for this week, which is tied to my word of the year and my little symbol to just keep swimming. It's working. And then I have a tip to share about how to crack task initiation about a little thing I'm offering if it's something you're looking to help yourself with. And then we will dive into our main topic, which is ADHD and the out of sight, out of mind challenge. Why visibility can change everything. Plus, I have a product of the week and a book of the week this week. So let's get started. All right. My celebration this week, just keep swimming. So I shared back at the beginning of 2026, my word for this year is forward. Yes. And my image to connect me to that is my little dory fish that I have on my necklace. Just a little charm. Just keep swimming. It's like, just remember, just keep moving forward. Just keep going. And this little charm is supporting me to keep up my swim at least two times a week routine that I've been doing without except for one week. I've done it every week since the first week of January. And I'm really, really finding things. I am enjoying about it. I'm looking forward to about it. I'm recognizing people. They're like, I'm not, like, meeting friends, but, you know, like, like people. They're like the people that show up at this time. And I see them this way. Um, so it's really had some unexpected things. Like, I'm even thinking, like, how do I always make sure I have access to a pool for the rest of my life? Like, I just love it so much. And I'm not. I'm not swimming in form. I'm like, I just do what works for me. And it's. It's only because I've been consistently doing it, have I gotten really comfortable doing what I need to do to feel. Feel like it's doable and repeatable and fun. So sorry. I got this new shirt from Sam's. Yeah. But look how big it is. It's like, it's huge. And I keep feeling like I don't need it super tight, but I just feel like it almost feels like a maternity shirt. Like, it's just too much extra fabric. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got it in a large because I always buy for that. Well, I buy for the shrink potential. Yeah, but this feels larger than large to me. I don't know. So anyway, little segue, little thing. I just, I got it a little while ago, but I've been waiting. Today it's going to be today. It's going to be like high 60s, almost 70. It's super excited. I'm like, I am spring.
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B
My spring clothes on today. Linen pants.
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A
You do? Oh, I have on my black pants that I never wear because it attracts every dog here in the world. And I've already lint rolled myself once and I refuse to do it again. I was like, no, Becca will not care that I have dog hair all over me. But I won't even wear these out because they just are always covered in dogs. It's just, you know, one of the things about living with dogs. But by the time this episode comes out, I'll have taken my spring break, if you will. Because next week we're having a different schedule. And I looked at the weather for North Carolina next week.
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B
How hot is it going to be?
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A
It's going to be almost 80 and one day it hits 80 and I'm not happy about it. And this is in Asheville, not. Not Raleigh, like where I thought it would be cooler. Yeah. I'm not happy about this at all. I have nothing to wear for this weather. I'm not ready for it. I haven't had a pedicure. I'm not ready to show. Please. I haven't even had a look at my nails, guys. Like, they are awful. But I've been waiting because I don't. I didn't before you. Yes. And I had such a terrible window that I was like, I can't get them done and then get them done like a week and a half later. So I have been tolerating these horribly grown out, chipped.
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B
I totally get it.
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A
It's a big toleration.
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B
It is. It really is.
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A
But I call it like my no thumbs look. Just. Just a remnant of polish on my thumbnail. But, oh, it's going to feel so good. I'm going to get a nice light, maybe a beige, slightly pink tint to it. Something neutral.
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B
Yeah. Good spring, too. Yeah.
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A
Just something opposite of the dark green. But anyway, I move on. So I didn't purchase anything this week for my update on my, my spending. I know, it is awesome. We did go to a movie, but my husband. So that doesn't. That doesn't count.
- [04:46]
B
Date night.
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A
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We saw the new project, Hail Mary.
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B
Oh, because you read the book, right?
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A
Yes. I really, I liked the book. I didn't like it as much as the Martian, but I did like it. And I didn't think it would be made into a movie because it didn't seem written in a way. Like, the alien, like, has no face. And like, I was like. They described him. I was like, yeah, this isn't going to be a movie. No, they did it. They made it into a movie. It was actually really good. Not as good as the Martian.
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B
Still my opinion.
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A
But still entertainable and enjoyable to see in a film. So entertaining.
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B
Such a cutie patootie.
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A
Just. Just easy to be entertained by. Totally. Yeah. All right. But while I didn't purchase anything this week, I shared a couple of episodes ago that I purchased something. Becca's exciting because you can see it over here.
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B
I can.
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A
And I put them back in their boxes because what I'm going to do is share what they are and why I have two of them. So I found in my Real simple magazine, this article. Check out my YouTube channel, ADHD Friendly. If you are not watching but only listening to this, these little mini bookshelves. So they're called Anxiety Bookshelves and The company is anxietybookshelf.com and they have these tiny little carts. And These guys started $26.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And I think this guy was like a little, like, reading Nook Alcove. It comes with the little cushions and everything. It's like a dollhouse for book lovers.
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B
Just, like, organize them.
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A
And it's supposed to be very satisfying and soothing to take the books and reshelve them.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And so I was completely enthralled and I had to try this. Now when I went to anxietybookshelf.com it had all of these disclaimers that said, if you buy this on Amazon, please buy it from the actual store. The actual store. Not from. Apparently there's a bunch of kn. So anxiety bookshop.com products start at $26.
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B
Okay.
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A
And that's for the little guy.
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B
Cute.
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A
Their small bookshelf starts at What? Mine was 29$30. It was $29.95 plus $6 for shipping. But Amazon had them for pretty much $10 $9.99 by multiple companies. So I ordered the one from Anxiety Bookshelf, which I'll show you in a second. I'm going show that one second. But I wanted to see, like, the dupes. Yeah. What. What was the quality difference of the other one? Yeah. Is it Something because I really want to support the business. And this is called the original Anxiety Bookshelf. So.
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B
And it has it in the name.
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A
I'm assuming they came up with this idea. Yeah, I couldn't find anywhere definitively, but the language and everything made it sound like they were the first ones, so can't completely verify that. But since they were the ones in Real Simple, I'm also assuming they came up with the concept.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So this is the Amazon one. Came in a pretty nice box for gifting.
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B
Right.
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A
So if you have like a book lover. Again, this one, because I have Amazon prime free shipping, arrived in just a couple of days. It is wooden, so I got them both in. In the dark blue color. It has a little latch. Oh, it has a little plastic.
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B
A little.
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A
Little glass covering. And so you unlatch it and open it and there's these little. And this is where I really am gonna hate that I can get my nails done. There's like. I forget how many. I'm going to estimate like 60. No, actually there might be like 45 or so of these little tiny. Look at those names.
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B
Oh, adorable.
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A
There were only like five titles that I recognized if they had lessons in chemistry.
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B
Oh, yeah. And then I saw the Daisy and the.
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A
Yep. And the six. Daisy Jones and the six. And they have Game of Thrones, which isn't the name of the book, but okay. So all of these come out. You're supposed to take it.
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B
Oh.
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A
And then reorganize them in here so they're really tightly in there so they wouldn't fall out. And then you restack them. So what I'm going to ask you to do, though, is to hold these three little loose ones, feel them, check out this guy.
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B
Because I want it made of.
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A
It's like Styrofoam or something. They're like little foam books that they.
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B
Cute.
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A
Okay, so the other one. So that was the ten dollar one. And I'm. I have my own opinion. I want your opinion. Not knowing what my opinion is, just from the difference. So that's 10 bucks. This guy came with a lovely little thank you card inserted. I love this box so very. This one, 30 bucks. Yep. Has the little. Anxietybookshelf.com on the gift box. It's like a little drawer which I found very satisfying that you pull out. And then, like I said, the little card was on top. It was wrapped in this little bubble wrap. It was very nicely packaged. And in here is the little. Oh, and it's in a custom little boom packaging to Keep it safe. I will tell you. It's like really in here.
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B
Yeah, I really got it in there.
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A
So I have to work at getting it out, but I wanted to show it as it is. So this is. Can I just have that one really quick so I can. I can show the size? So let me.
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B
Oh, yeah. Maybe the latch is not latched too. Oh, it is. Is it smaller?
- [10:12]
A
They're okay. Almost the exact same size. This one's slightly larger. This one I like the color of. You can see like darker blue is. This one's like a more tealy kind of blue. More back. So it has the same latch on the side. They are designed same plastic front, but
- [10:34]
B
the books are bigger.
- [10:35]
A
The books are different. So I would say the cases it. Except for the color, it's kind of a wash. Yeah, it's minimally different. The books still don't open. So I had read in one of the reviews that the books opened and I was like, oh, I was so excited. They do not. And it does say in the description that they don't. So that was just some. I think that was my adhd. I think I read that mystique. I probably jumped over some words and put that together. So I'm going to give you three of these guys. There were. You can order on this one. Oh, specific set. You can order like the Stephen King library. You can order romance package. Like, and they. It'll have all the books. Like, if you have a Harry Potter fan, you can get the Harry Potter books. So what do you think, Becca, about the different books?
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B
I like that. The one from Anxiety bookshelf. They're thicker and so I feel like you can see them better.
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A
And a lot of these are actual books, if not all of them.
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B
Yeah, no, I like the. I like the thickness. I think these are a little too thin. It might be hard for people too, to kind of like put them in the bookshelf itself or. These guys are more. You can hold on to them, grip them easier.
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A
Uhhuh. Yeah.
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B
They're not as. These ones seem more squishy if you see them.
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A
So I would say. And again, you would never know this if you only get the $10 bookshelf.
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B
Well, no, this is still lovely.
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A
Yeah, but. Yeah.
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B
Just the little differences.
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A
But I think these little. These little books in here, you can see. I keep playing with them. This one, you shake and they all.
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B
And they all come out.
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A
And then look at that beautiful mess. You take them and you. You put them back. I think these have a much more satisfying feel. To them.
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B
They do.
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A
They're. They're smoother. They're a little bit more, like you said, a little larger. They'll have to. It's really subtle, but when you hold them side by side, I'm like, I don't know how much I would actually mess with that one.
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B
It is already hard. Like, I tried to take them out too. Like.
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A
Well, I did shove them in there because I didn't want them falling out while I was showing you.
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B
Yeah.
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A
But even if you take them, it. It's really hard to place them on the bookshelf. Maybe whack it, like close it and like really like to. I really. Here. Did they come out?
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B
No, they are in there.
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A
They're in there. These I do find side by side, I like a lot.
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B
Yeah.
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A
But I don't know If I pay $20 more for it, if I'm being completely right.
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B
And this one was 10.
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A
That one was 10. This one was 30. I'm rounding up. That was like 9.95. This was 29.99. But this one also is six dollar shipping.
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B
Oh, right. Because Amazon.
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A
So it ended up being 35 something. But if I was gifting, I would.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Because I do think this one, especially for somebody that has anxiety, I do think this one is one that you would just have more connection with physically that you would want to be messing around with it. That one just felt a little fussy to me and I just wanted them back in the bookshelf and done. I do really like this one. Like, I think. Although I do think it'd be harder to get the books. But look how they're all arranged in the back. Some are on their sides.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So I was surprised this came with enough to fill up the entire shelves and still have like 10 extra. I thought it wasn't going to fill them all up. It's really satisfying that they give you enough to play around with and it's a really cool idea for a book lover. So I just wanted to share what they're like and. And, you know, compare them and be honest about. This one. I definitely think is a nicer quality. And I'm all about supporting small businesses. So this would be my pick for quality and giftability and usability. But if you're on a budget and, you know, I. I honestly can't really fault this one because it's pretty darn close.
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B
So very similar. Yeah.
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A
There you have it.
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B
Oh, so cute.
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A
I feel like I'm gonna see it. I told you. Oh, my gosh. I woke up. I was supposed to swim this morning and I canceled my reservation because my nose was just running when I got up. Really? Yeah. My husband's like, came in the bathroom when I was getting ready. He's like, why are you dressed? Aren't you swimming laps? And I'm like, I can't swim laps when my nose is actively running. I couldn't even do my yoga downward dog. Like, I had to pick up routine that had me more like either standing or, you know, stretching on my back because I was like, every time I bend down, I'm having to get a tissue. All right, sorry, you didn't. I didn't really care about that. All right. Onward and upward to our tip for this week. And that is I am running on April 15, my first step lab. We're going to be cracking task initiation. So if starting tasks feels impossible with your ADHD brain, you are absolutely not alone. Come join me for this live workshop where you'll learn strategies that can help you take that first step. So it is on April 15th at 1pm Eastern Time. It's a one hour workshop on Zoom. It is only $39. You'll get the live workshop, you'll get a practical worksheet to use along with it and use going forward afterwards. And if you can't attend live or you just want to re watch it, you'll get access to the replay. After the live workshop, you can register in the show notes with the link provided there. I hope to see you on the 15th. That's just one week.
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B
Oh my goodness.
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A
I know, it's crazy. All right, now for my main topic, and that is how with ADHD we are very out of sight, out of mind. I've talked about this a few times about, I call it OM O S O M Out of sight, out of mind. And I just want to highlight how visibility changes the playing field. For us. It's an absolute game changer because our brains struggle with things being out of, say, out of mind, largely because of our executive functions being impacted with ADHD brain wiring, namely working memory. So holding things in mind, it's like we can't see it. It doesn't exist. It's not even there. So the best way to support our brains is to make tasks and tools and systems visible. So the environment is doing the heavy lifting, not our brain. We don't want to make our brain be doing all that, that weightlifting with working memory. Our which is our brain's ability to hold information in our mind while we're using it. So it's not long term memory. That's just kind of like back there and we try to like recall it a year or so later. It's information that we're using in the moment to support ourselves with whatever we're also thinking about and doing in the moment. And with ADHD brains, we lose access to what's stored in our working memory faster. So it almost feel. I, I always describe it as vapor. It's like I'm, I'm, I'm trying so hard. I'm working with my clients and, and they're doing this as they're telling me what they're doing and I'm like, okay, I don't see you looking at, right. Anything concrete. How are you keeping up with this list that you're right now recalling? Because every time you have to think of that list, think of the effort of literally you have to go into your head and work really hard to retrieve that information. And then you're trying to hold on to it and remember what you have to do throughout the day or what you have, what else you have coming up. Getting it out of your head and into something external, visible and concrete is what changes everything for us. So visual cues will act as an external working memory for us. It's one of the strongest predictors of our performance, is our ability to use our working memory. Because it's like my absolute weakest executive function. I have tons of systems to support my working memory, so it really doesn't get in my way. However, if I don't have those systems, I always think of it as like driving without gps. I am just randomly bumping along. I have no idea what's going on. Research does show that people with ADHD do better with external visible cues. So this is not just logical, it's research based. So I want to share some strategies you can use if, you know, you struggle with out of sight, out of mind, as so many of us do, because we tend to be very visual processors. And it's important if that's you, to lean into what your strengths are, not try to hide and get by by, you know, trying to just power through. Because then we're using all of our energy on things that we don't need to be exerting our energy on. All right, so the first one is to create what I call ISM zones. ISM is insight in mind. So instead of out of, say out of mind, you want to make it insight in mind. So that could look as anything like just keeping your medicine on the counter so you see It. As opposed to like in a drawer in a cabinet. Because you're not going to. You may not want it out, but if it's not out, how are you going to remember? How are you going to remember that? And if you. I remember when one of my kiddos was young and was taking medication and they didn't want it out. Like when friends were sleeping over and things ended up getting one of those medication alarms, that the medication was in the alarm and you could set the alarm to go off at the same time every day. So I could put it in the cabinet because the alarm would go off and remind me to get the medicine out of the cabinet. So it didn't have to be like, out out. Right. So there are ways. But again, you're going to need to make a routine, a system around. How is it going to be visible? How are you going to remember? The second thing is to have a command center. So think about if visual prompts and visual reminders are going to support you to follow through. What do you want visibly represented in your command center? So it might be a little like, charging center to remind you to charge your devices. It might be a little tray for you to put your wallet and your keys that is like, oh, that's where they are. So I'm going to grab them on the way out. So it might be just like a whiteboard for tasks or a calendar for what's coming up so people know where everybody is. I remember when all of us were here, I had like, the Harry Potter. I. I just drew like, a pie chart on my whiteboard. Yeah. And we all had little, like, characters on. On little magnets. And it just said things like home, work, store, whatever. And you would move your icon so that if you went out, I didn't have to do the whole, like. And I don't even. I don't like the follow me on the app.
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B
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
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A
But it doesn't help me. I tend to just be like, oh, they're driving. Oh, like, I don't need. I'm too stressed enough. I don't need to know every minute. I just need you generally if you're home or not. And if you're not home, where did you go? And because I work from home, you can't interrupt me often to tell me or even if you text me. I'm not gonna look at it.
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B
That's a while I'm.
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A
Yeah. So if I don't happen to look and I go out of my office and I don't know who's home. It's helpful just to be able to look. So I always thought like that was like a fun visual way to know where is everybody? So. And then for like a long time we had North Carolina because people would like be going back and forth. So it was like reminding like they're not here and they're not even in the state. So, you know, it's fun ways to visibly support yourself and then if there's other people in your family to know what's going on, where are you, what needs to get done, and so forth. Number three, create visual lists. They're not the mentalist that we're up in our heads trying to recall. Write it on paper, write it on post its. Use an app that you know is a checklist app so you can literally keep up with. Doesn't have to be a physical for everything, but I would say lean into physical where it works. If you need a list to go with you to like the store or something, an app might be the easiest thing for you to get. You're going multiple. Yep. You might be going to multiple locations. So you need something that is always with you.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So make it visual. Number four, use visual prompts and triggers. So this is things like if you want to go for a walk in the morning or you want to remember to take your gym clothes with you, or for your kids, if it's pen day or, you know, they're going on a field trip, they have certain things they need to bring. Put it in front of the door. So you have to literally pick it up before you open the door to go out. So it's right there, right next to the door. If there's people that will go out the door before you will. But, you know, put it in your line of sight. I like for college students to put it in front of their dorm room door, you know, just. Or like post its on the mirror in the bathroom. Yep. I had that this morning for my swim laps. Allergies got in the way of that, but. But reminders supported me, you know, and I put my bathing suit on the counter to remind. I have all these visuals because it's not my normal routine to remind me of my plan. So visual prompts, physical bill, if you still get those. I know sometimes certain, you know, individual, very small company, like if somebody came over and did plumbing work or something, I might get a bill in the mail or whatever for those random ones. Put it on the keyboard because it was like, I'm going to go online and Pay it. But I, I'm gonna forget. So I'm gonna put it right on top of my keyboard. So I can't do anything until I paid it. So just. My other favorite is I always tell myself, where does this belong for me to actually do the thing? So I tend to keep coupons, like in one spot on the kitchen counter. That's not where the store is. And it's never gonna. I'll be at the store going. So I, I try to put them where they're going to need to be, but if I put them in my purse, I will forget they're in there. So I have a little console area that I'll just like, stick them smart. But for, like, returns, which I'm terrible at, they have to go in the passenger seat. If I put them in the trunk, they'll be in the back for ever. And I mean, like years before, like, what the heck? Where did I even get that from? I can't return that anymore. So. Exactly. But I still, I still drink out of. Because I never made it. So think about what would you physically do to prompt yourself to remember? Number five is make time visible. So timers, analog clocks, anything to externalize time to support you to experience the passage of time. Because you can see it, digital does not work the same way. Analog is the way to go if you're trying to support your brain's awareness of time passing. So think about where you could use time more visually. And then finally, my last one, number six, is having digital insight in mind. So for the things that aren't external and concrete, think about like the apps on your phone or on your home screen for your computer, making sure the ones that you need most frequently are the ones that are easiest to access, the most visible. So you don't have to work to get to them. They're right there.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Or even like adding widgets. Like, I noticed my new, newer imac has a digital clock up in the corner. I was like, I don't want that. I want an analog clock. And so finally one day I was tired of it and I thought, let me just search clocks. And I found an analog widget that now lives in the upper left hand corner of my screen. And I can always see the date, the time, and then like my photo, photo of the day, which makes me really happy. So reduce friction by making the most important things, the things that show up most easily. Remember being insight in mind is the key. Out of, say, out of mind doesn't exist. So if it's not in your Line of sight om osom. Out of say, out of mind if it is. That's how we thrive. Keeping things in sight in mind. That's it. All right, now for our book of the week this week. Oh, my gosh, I really enjoyed this. Isn't it a sweet cover?
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B
It's adorable.
- [26:32]
A
So this book made me think of you by Libby Page. This just came out in February of this year, so it's a new book and it is a heartfelt story about love connection and the power of sharing books. I don't want to give too much away because it's such a lovely story, but really, you know, little quick synopsis about a woman whose husband of just a few years passes away and he knew he was going to die. And he goes through the effort of picking a book a month for her. And it's. It's each month, though, also the author lists a book recommendation list for each month. So there's like 80 books recommended.
- [27:16]
B
You can read within the book itself.
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A
Yeah, that, that, like, it's like, oh, like if you're looking for like a summer read, like, these are like the summer reads if you're looking for, you know, holiday reads or February's old romance. And so I literally went through and I, yeah, I looked at all of them and I tried to see which ones ever read which ones. And I looked them up and I, I got like eight more books on my list of things I wanted. So I gave this a four out of five. I really enjoyed it. I loved the characters. I loved the idea behind it. It was so sweet, but not, like, overly savvy.
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B
Yeah, not cheesy.
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A
No, it was really, really sweet because her husband wasn't even a reader, but she loved books, and so it was really, really very thoughtful. All right, and my quote of the week to wrap up this episode. A shared book can say what we don't know how to say out loud.
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B
Oh, that's sweet.
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A
So that's from Unknown. I don't know who said it, but that's it for this episode of ADHD Friendly. I hope you heard something that supports you to thrive a little bit more and move a little bit more forward towards what you're trying to create more in your life. Until next time, Sally Ho.