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Hi and welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patty. I'm an ADHD and executive function coach and this is my dog, Radar, who has been very needy this morning. So we're letting him hang out for as long as he wants to hang out. He may jump down, but if you are checking out the podcast, check out this dog. I mean, I, I tell you, like, he is just the sweetest little guy. Okay, this is episode 249. Quick overview. So you know what's coming. If you want to jump to the topic, check out the highlight reel. It will tell you where, what, what timestamp to jump to if you want a specific topic. But the things I'm going to be covering in this episode are my celebration, as always, will be the first thing I am celebrating. Some website updates that I did me tech challenge, Patti. I did them. I'm also going to share an ADHD friendly tip o about what I was doing on the website. It's all, it's all tied together. And then our main topic and our main topic is ADHD support isn't a one size fits all thing. It's a very customized thing. So I'm going to talk about why it's not one size fits all and give you some tips on how to customize different approaches so that they can work for your ADHD brain. And then, of course, I will finish up with my book of the week. I've been doing some real reading. So I am back with a nice little, nice little cushion of my reading since my vacation where I came back and I was like, this is the last book I read. Oh, my gosh. I've got to, like, finish the warm books. All right, so here's my celebration. I reconfigured. I'll have to have you check this out later, Becca. I reconfigured my contact page on my website all by myself. So I used my chat GPT where I took a screenshot of my current contact page. And it's so funny because if you guys have ever delved into the AI, I only use chat GPT, so I can't speak to the other platforms. But it's so almost nauseatingly positive no matter what I ask. Oh, that's a great idea. Adhd. Oh, well, you know, what do you think of the. Like, I love how you did this here. One thing that would make it better, I gave it a picture of my contact page and it was like, yeah, yeah, this is, this is a contact page. I have recommendations. I would, I would love to see you Implement here. Like it was like literally like I want to change everything on this page. I was trying to be nice it but it was trying, it was really trying. So excuse me. I f I asked it for step by step instructions. I know how to do my website a lot of things. What I don't know how to do is add different like images and have them like lay out in a visually pleasing way. Yeah. So I redid the contact page. I invite you to check it out if you. It's very basic. Yeah. It doesn't have it. It's. Here's my real celebration. Took five hours. That's a lot of time if you look at it. It's very simple. Very simple. But oh my gosh like literally I am like almost swearing. I've never sweared at chat GPT but I have come so close because I don't know what happens if it just shuts me if it's like I'm done working. Like I don't know if there's like a consequence. But I was so frustrated that I was like gosh darn thing, look at what I asked for and this is what you get. I was so. And I almost cried. I didn't. But my tears like my eyes flooded. I came so close and I was like okay. Because I was so close. I just wanted to be done. Nothing got done on Monday that was supposed to get done. Right. Because you were focused on. Except the contact page which wasn't even on my list. But because now we're going to go to my tip, I. I didn't purchase anything this week. I've been very busy head down working which is good. So I also don't have a product of the week because again didn't purchase anything. But my tip of the week has to do with why I was updating my contact page which is why I didn't get to anything else because I didn't realize I was going to be updating my contact page. But my tip and tool combined are. I have new tools, new offerings, new services available on my contact page. Awesome. That are consulting offerings. So now my page is laid out where you can see coaching offerings. It's like a three panel section. Coaching consulting. So this is if you really don't need ongoing coaching but you would love a one time session to get more clarity to pick my brain about. Like I'm really struggling with time management. This is where I'm seeing it come up the most. What can I do to support myself? And you leave with like customized specific tools to try and experiment with that. You can immediately put into place. And also my ADHD friendly membership offering. So three different ways to get support, all different ways to access it, levels of support, different price points. I try to make it very friendly and accessible. And so I wanted to highlight what the consultation services are in case you would like, you're like, you know, I like that, that Patty girl that talks on these, these episodes and maybe I'd like to have like one session with her. Just a consultation. So the first is just an ADHD clarity consultation. Just a phone call or I'm sorry, it's a zoom call. All of these are on zoom. Just a zoom call where we talk for up to an hour about how ADHD is impacting your life. Getting a clearer picture. Maybe you're newly diagnosed or you're not quite sure what's going on and you know, is this adhd? Is this something that you know is, is typical? I don't even know like what. I don't know. And you're trying to get more clarity. So that is $297 for the hour. And it's ideal if you are looking for clarity, understanding or direction on your next steps. The next level is an ADHD strategy session. So this is a deeper dive into one specific challenge. This is an up to 90 minute Zoom call where we are doing a deeper dive into a specific challenge that you need support with. So it might be prioritization or transitions or starting a task, but it's something that you want, a step by step plan that is tailored to you and what you need and to work around the obstacles that you know you will encounter so that it's dialed in exactly where you need support. Yeah, that sounds awesome. And you get a written action plan with that. That's $397 for up to 90 minutes. And the final is an ADHD family consultation. So this is perfect if you have a partner with ADHD or you are in a relationship and you're the one with adhd, or you both have adhd, which happens a lot. Or maybe you're raising a child with ADHD or you have an adult child with ad. The family dynamics can really create some difficulties when ADHD is in the mix. So this is again a 90 minute up to 90 minute Zoom session. And I have space for up to two participants. You can come on your own or you can bring your partner or adult child or, you know, if your child's old enough to participate, this is fine too. Or both parents can come to support their child. So it's designed for spouses, partners, parents or family members who want to better understand ADHD and learn how to support their loved ones with a little bit more ease and, you know, a little more awareness of what ADHD is within the family unit. So helping you navigate it as a family. So that's 397 for that up to 90 minute call. So those are my three consultation services. If this sounds like something that would meet you where you are and help you move forward, I invite you to check those out. There is a link in the show notes that you can access my calendar or you can read more about learn a bit more about it on my website adhd friendly.com first if you'd like to do that. All right, and now for my main topic for this week, and that is that ADHD support isn't one size fits all, as demonstrated even by my different offerings. I try to really highlight that if we expect one thing to work, especially if it's the one thing that worked for somebody else in our life or a neighbor or whatever, we're often really disappointed because what works for others often doesn't work for us. It part of it might work, but we need to customize it. So this came up when I was recently watching. I don't think I've told you this story. If I have, then just pretend like you haven't heard it. I may have told you because it really resonated with me. But this was a few weeks ago. I was watching an episode of Portrait Artist of the Year. Have you heard of this show? No. Oh, then I probably didn't tell you this story. Okay, so this is a lovely British show. Love a good British. Just, just positive, you know, everybody, you know, just in there creating. They're all painting a portrait of somebody that's sitting for four hours. Oh my gosh. And this episode there was one of the sitters is a famous actor in, in England and they were talking about that they had asked them, was this the first time you had your portrait painted? And they said no, that they actually had it done by a pretty well known painter in London who when they were sitting, he said like every 20 or 30 minutes he would yell out, oh wait, I wrote it down. He would yell out, blue paper, blue paper. And when he did this, his wife would come rushing into the room and she would throw blue paper to the floor in between where the, where the sitter was and the artist was. And then she'd go back out and the painter would just then resume painting. And he said this Happened like several times while he was sitting. And finally the artist took a break. And so the sitter was really curious, like, what are these blue papers? And he picked up the blue paper and saw that it was a note from the wife who had run in. And the note said, I love you. You are the most amazing painter in the world. Oh, that's so sweet. I got so choked up because to me, this was the perfect example of an ADHD friendly system. Yeah, it's a customized system that he needed because he knew about every 20 or 30 minutes he'd get overwhelmed. He'd get in his head, this isn't turning out the way I thought this. The person's not going to like, look, let self talk, whatever. And so his wife knew what to do to support him. He knew what was on the paper. He didn't have to stop to go read it. He just needed that confirmation that she was there ready to throw it in. She was willing to do it. He was willing to ask for the help that he needed. The sitter had no idea what was going on. So it was just this lovely system that supported him. And. And it's a great example of a custom support system. Okay. So when I work with clients on their systems, I always ask them, what does, what support does your brain need? Like, what actually would work for you here? Because our default many times is to think, well, I should just do it. Well, I know I just need to write. I see everybody else get up and go to, you know, they put my big girl pants on, like, whatever. And it's like, yeah, we know what we need to be doing or what we quote, unquote, should be doing, but we really struggle with the doing. So if we're not asking ourselves what would we need to support ourselves to do it, we're missing that key step that allows us to succeed. So that's why it's really about support that supports our success. Okay, so ADHD is impacting our executive function skills. It impacts a lot of things. I was reading another article that is a whole other episode. I'm going to be diving into all the other, like, coexisting things that are newly being connected to adhd. It's a tangent. We're going to. We're going to stay right here. We are focused in. And so two completely different people with ADHD can struggle with the same task, but in very different ways. Okay, so this comes up a lot when I talk with parents compared to this, especially if the parent has ADHD and the kid is like, well, I just had to figure it out. And I know when I do this, so I told them to. And I'm like, okay, I hear you, and I love so much that that works for you. And I know you're trying to help, but if that doesn't work for them, yeah, we have to figure out what will totally. So that they have their way. There might be a piece of what you're doing that works for them, or they may not. But we have to ask them, what do you know intuitively? You need to be able to do this. So my example to highlight this is troubleshooting a tech issue. Because, you know, I always share. I get overwhelmed. So if I'm troubleshooting a tech issue, I might get overwhelmed and shut down and just stop. Somebody else may not even start the tech at all. Like, it's like I. I can't even. Right. Like, where I'm like, no, no, I can do this. And then I'm like, I can do this. Oh, my gosh, I'm overwhelmed. Somebody else might be like, nope, not even going there. Where somebody else might be like, oh, okay. I know when I do a tech issue, I set a timer for five minutes, I do it, and then I stop, and then I go, like, whatever. Everybody has their own way of doing things. So same thing that we're doing. Different approaches, different challenges, different areas of friction. So everybody needs their own individual support system in real life. I want to share some examples. So if you're taking medication. So I'm going to name my three pretend people. Yes. Mary, Bob, and John. So for taking medication daily, Mary needs a visual cue. So she keeps her medication next to the coffee maker. Get pouring her coffee. It's right there. Bob needs a phone alarm that's audible so he can hear it. Oh, good idea. John needs accountability. So he texts to, you know, let's say his wife to let her know, hey, took my medication. All good. Now let's talk about starting a task. Mary needs a body double. She won't even start unless she's got a body double. Whether they're in person or an online body double session, she needs a body double. Bob needs that zero entry point, that stupid small. There's no way I can't get in starting point. And John needs to put his phone in a completely different room because he knows the phone is the vacuum of all of his focus and attention. All three of those systems work for them in those different scenarios, but they wouldn't work for each of them the same way. Right. They each need their Own so that the result is they start the task, they take the medicine, but they approach it in very customized support systems that they've designed for themselves. So the key here is to find your Goldilocks approach. What's your just right support system? And I'm just gonna. This is a really simple one. This week, three questions to explore. Don't need to ask yourself all three. Find one that's sparkly, but if the one doesn't work, try another. And so this is where we target. If you are having a hard time getting started or remembering to follow through on something, fill in the blank. My challenge is ask yourself, where am I getting stuck? So if your challenge is making a phone call, where am I getting stuck? Is it not knowing what to say? Is it not knowing when I'm available? Is it not knowing who's going to answer how long it's going to take? Ask yourself where you're getting stuck. The next question is, what is creating the resistance? So I might highlight, like, well, I'm getting, like, I'm trying to switch Internet providers. Yeah, I've been trying for a couple of months. I'm getting stuck with. Part of me is afraid I'm going to call and they're going to say, oh, no, actually, we don't have service in your area. Like, I don't want to know that. They actually don't because it's kind of been a monopoly where I live. And online it says, yes, service is now available at your address. I don't really know if I believe it, but the bigger thing is I don't know if they're going to have to come inside. I'd rather my husband be here. I have to confirm his schedule. Like, there's like a lot of scheduling kind of things that I feel like I need him here when I make the call to make sure I can confirm the appointment. Works for him. Yeah. And then the last question. So if you are identifying where you're getting stuck, where the resistance is, but you still don't quite have it pinned down or those questions didn't get to what you need, the last question that you might explore to get the right approach for you is what support could make this easier? So in that instance, having my husband right by my side while I'm making the call, or just freaking giving him the phone number and say, could you set this up? Oh, my gosh, that's it. That's what I'm going to do. So sparkly. Okay. I love talking. I'm such a verbal processor. I Solve so many things just by saying them out loud. So just asking yourself, what would make this easier? It might be outsourcing it. It might be body doubling. It might be defining what the very first step is, because you're seeing it like, oh, organize the garage. What? That's a big deal. Yeah, it might be like, just get a trash bag and walk around and collect anything that can be thrown away. Any cups or rags or whatever that. Yeah. So thriving with ADHD is really about creating customized support systems. If you aren't customizing it, I guarantee you, you're putting more effort into it than you need to. Or it's creating the barrier to you checking it off and moving on. All right, that's it. I know, right? Simple, easy peasy. To the point. This week's book, Strangers by Belle Burden. So I read this. Could it not. Literally. I'm into it, like, a couple of chapters, and I'm like, where did I hear about this book? It's a memoir. It's a memoir, which I did not realize. I thought it was Bella. Yes. And it's about her divorce. Oh, so that is a Debbie Downer, isn't it? In this Burden, her name, last name, tells the story of her marriage, which she calls a love story for the ages that ends in an inconceivable divorce. It was. It was. I kept trying to figure out, where did I hear from? Because why would I read this? Like, this is not a topic that I find interesting that I would want to read about. And they're very affluent. They live, like, I forget, like, on Long island or something. And they have, like, a house on the Hamptons. I'm getting the towns wrong, but they have, like, a house. Yeah. Or like. Like, Martha's been. Actually, I think it's Martha's. Okay, so. And so it's like, who gets the house in the Vineyard? Who gets the apartment? No, they live in New York, Like. Like. Like Fifth Avenue kind of thing. And it's well written. It's a great. It's very compelling. I did finish it, so it was compelling enough to keep pulling me in. So I don't want to make it sound like it wasn't worth reading because I did finish it. I gave it a three and a half out of five stars. So it was a. A good story. It just wasn't something I would have picked. And I did finally figure it out. It was for my book club, but I. I requested it so long ago that I didn't remember it was for my book club. And I kept Trying to figure out who would have recommended this to me. Like, I don't understand, but it was really well written. If you're going through a divorce, it might be something that you resonate with. I, I, it wasn't something I like. I'm not like, oh my gosh, you have to go read this. Right. But if the story. And I do think I have to say the one thing that I do like, because the husband was kind of, she had to get permission. She wrote it for it as an essay for. And now I'm not going to remember. I don't remember. It's like for like the, the New York Times or like the New York Post. One of those runs like a column about relationships. Like, like, it's like Relationships Today or something. And so she submitted it for this very well known series column. Yeah. And they were like, well, we can only publish this if because her husband's a, her ex husband is a lawyer. They're actually, they were both lawyers. Yeah, they were like, we need to like, make sure. Because your side of the story is your side of the story. We want to make sure that. And he basically was like, yeah, whatever. Because he kind of checked out, like left their kids, left her and didn't give her any like, feedback. Like, just like they were perfectly happy. They weren't like, it was weird. And so she never really got like, what happened here. So she was in denial for a long time. And she like, was like, I don't understand what's happening. And the kids, like, were like, where dad go? Like, like, it was really. And so, and he just like served divorce papers. Like, like, I'll have the kids like every other weekend. And that's it. Like, really not interested. But then he wanted to like, invoke the prenup. And so it was like, it just turned into this thing. Well, he basically said, I, I'm fine with you publishing this. Well, then she wrote it into a book. Well, now the book has been picked up and I think it's Anne Hathaway. If I have this wrong, I apologize. She's gonna do. She, she plays. No, no, not Anne Hathaway. I'm wrong. It's Gwyneth Paltrow. She optioned. Right. She looks just like the author. So she opted in the rights and she's going to play. She's the right age too, because this woman's in her 50s and Gwyneth, I think, is around that age. She's playing the role. And so I'm like, yeah, like he, I am sure Is like, did I do. I cannot believe that I just opened up this. Yeah, so I did like it for that. Like, once. Once I. I was like, oh, that's the part that kept me going. So it was a really interesting read. Look, I talked about this more than I talk about most books. It took me a long time to get there because I. I do tend to read these weeks before. But this one, I only read, like two weeks ago, right after my vacation. But I've read, like three or four more books since then, so it's trying to reconnect to it. But anyway, because it's being made into a movie, you might want to check it out, too. Just because. Why not? Yeah, it is pretty compelling, but it's. If you want to hear, like, how the rich live to it, I mean, it's really. That sounds interesting. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go. All right, now my quote of the week. This is from George Harrison of the Beatles. George said, if you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there. Kind of like a wandering soul. Like, you're like, yeah, just. Just, you know, keep going forward, Keep going. If you sit still, chances of somebody coming along and finding you, not so good. But if you keep moving, you'll probably encounter some things along the way that might open up some possibilities that wouldn't be there if you didn't keep going. So just keep wandering. All right, that's it for this episode. Look at me collecting all my papers, making everything neat and tidy before I wrap it up. My dog is now sleeping down by my feet Happy as a camper, Settled down. I don't. Becca. Just give them a few minutes and they settle in and they won't make a peep. That's it for this episode. Episode 249. If you want to share, if you try out any of the tips to create your own support system that works for your brain, or if you check out the book and want to give me some feedback on what you thought, maybe I missed the mark, but it was still engaging. All right, until next time. Tell you ho.