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Hi, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patti. I'm an ADHD coach that specializes in helping my clients and members of my ADHD Friendly community understand their unique brain wiring so they can lean into working with it instead of fighting it. That's how we struggle less and thrive more. If you'd like more information, check out my website@adhdfriendly.com where adders get more things done. This is episode 225, and I'm going to be celebrating a success that has to do with my word of the year. I'm also going to share a tip that has a little bit of a ADHD story tied to it. I'll get into that and then I'm going to share my main topic, which is do you have faux foe fear of finding out? Ooh, I know, right? So it's kind of like fomo. Yeah, but it's fofo. Start, as always, with a celebration. And I'm celebrating my word of the year forward. And I got my charm, which I. I've shared. Right. Well, did I share. I think I shared it with you. I showed it to you. You showed me. So I just realized. So it's like a little Dory charm that instead of wearing it on a bracelet, I'm wearing it on, you know, my little. I keep adding charms every year to just my casual chain that tie into the word of the year. But I didn't realize that Dory's tail flaps. Right. And so it's a reminder that to move forward, you have to keep swimming. So she's my just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. And it prompted me to keep up my swimming, literally. So I'm still swimming twice a week. I went twice last week. I've already gone once this week. I go again tomorrow. I've got it scheduled. I've got my routine now where I schedule them when I do my weekly planning on Friday. I still hate the whole going already dreading a little bit tomorrow. And it's so. I don't know how sustainable it is, but so far I'm sticking with it. I'm just not asking myself to stick with it forever. Basically, week to week, time to time. I do love it once I go and I feel great after I'm done. I just am trying to figure out how to lower the resistance to going and the feeling that I have of not wanting to do it because it is like three degrees outside. It's been really cold and that's a part of it. But I also am aware it's probably going to get more crowded and harder to schedule lanes as it gets warmer. Yeah. So we'll see. But right now it's helping me to keep swimming. And I'm also noticing that I am posting my accountability updates, which really work for me in the membership. So I've told the members that every Friday I'm going to post an update on my intentions. And I've been doing it and I've done it three Fridays in a row now. And it really, I'm really thinking about that. When I think about, could I just cancel this? You know, can I just cancel my swim lane? And I think about posting the update and saying that I didn't go. And it really pushes me into going because I want to be able to share that I follow through in the intention so that accountability is really strong for me and I don't do a lot without accountability. So I'm just sharing how leaning into that is helping me to keep moving forward. A couple of wins in there that I'm feeling really good about that. Yeah, I did not purchase anything this week, except I don't really think of this as a purchase because it's also my product of the week. But it's, it's not a want, it's a need. It's my breakfast that I eat every day. This is my Bob's Red Mill Steel cut oats. Love it. Are you a still cut oats? Well, I like it a good oatmeal, but I don't know if I've ever had steel cut oats. Okay. I love steel cutters. They're. They're a little more nutty, a little more chewy than regular oatmeal. But do you make it the same way I make it in a crock pot? Oh, I make four servings at a time. So it's four cups of water to one cup of the steel cut oats. I put it in my crock pot, hour and a half. I have these little bowls that I use. You got them from Costco years ago. Adorable. And I, I just put my servings inside, close it up. It has a little vent, so I just get one of those little koozies underneath, put it in the microwave. 2 minutes, 50 seconds is my secret timer. And then I just stir in some chopped nuts, maybe some raisins. Yum. Sounds delicious. Good to go. It's very filling, very satisfying. It keeps me satisfied until lunch, which is the other reason I love it. So I wanted to just share that this is my, my favorite thing. I look forward to Breakfast every morning. It's very sparkly to me. I bought these. They used to sell it at Costco. Yeah, no more. They used to sell it at Sam's. No more. So I'm getting it now at cost at Amazon because that's where. Yeah, they're selling it. It's a little bit more than it used to be, but it's four of these 24oz bags for $13.64. At least that's what it was when I wrote this out today. And it lasts a long time because like I said, I've already, I've already made one for serving batch out of it and I think I get maybe 16 total servings. Oh, nice. If that's. Yeah, that actually looks like it's about right. This says 15. So yeah, I would say I get, you know, somewhere between 15 and 16 servings that are about one cup of oats each and every. It's. It's just my go to thing so I wanted to share. That's my product of the week and that is what I also purchased. Love it. If you're looking for something to spice up your breakfast, what is. I think it, it has like. No, I thought it had like the benefits. I know it's supposed to be good for. I think for different things. I try not to think too much about all the. I mean it's good to think about benefits but I try not to get too, too tied up on it. It's more about how do I feel eating it and with how cold it's been outside. Oh, it's so satisfying to have a nice warm breakfast and not having like when I eat like something that's not processed. Yeah. And that's, that's the other thing. I believe the steel cut and correct me if I'm wrong, this is about 225. School me if I'm getting this wrong. But I believe the steel cut oats are less processed than rolled oats. Oh. Which is what makes them slightly healthier. And they take longer to digest because they're steel cut. Not the rolled is more processed and more easy to digest. This takes a bit longer so it keeps you full a little bit longer, which I like because then I'm not getting hungry in the middle of the morning when I'm trying to work. All right, now for my tip and this is coming with a bit of humor. I almost, I almost didn't do this topic because I was like in my head thinking what have I done? And Becca laughed because you don't want to Talk about, but you're gonna laugh. I couldn't find the thing that I wanted to share, but I'm doing it anyway. Okay. So I have a full size, like business size envelope full of individual little scraps of paper and post it sticky notes. Okay. And they're little notes that I write down, a quote that something that inspired me, a comment that I client made to me. But I want to remember that they told me something I did that helped them. So I always jot them down and I just stick them and I put them in this envelope. And my intention is always to go back and organize them or read them or I don't know. But the envelope, it doesn't even close. It's like, it's like fat. It's been collecting these things for a while, but I didn't want to throw them out because they have a lot of positive memories and evidence that I've collected over the years. So I use chat GPT to overcome my resistance to going into the envelope and asked it for ideas. I told them, you know, it has client testimonials, it has inspirational quotes, little, you know, positive things. And it gave me this beautiful tip that I'm going to share. But the funny thing is I was going to share the before and after of the envelope full of the different little pieces of paper and the beautifully organized whatever, whatever or simply organize. But like the, the way forward that I found so that I went from what it was to what I can now look at and get some benefit from. Yeah. And I can't find the office. I remember I organized my office last year. Yeah, I put it somewhere. And this is what my kids like, hate when I say this, but I put it somewhere. That makes perfect sense. But I have no memory of where that place is. And I did spend, I don't know, Becca's like where she's looking around. I did put it somewhere. I'm going to come across it at some point and I'll know it. I'll. When I find it, I'll be like, oh yes, that makes sense. Like it could literally like I looked here, I looked here. Like it could be anywhere, but I couldn't find it. And I wasn't going to do the topic, but I've had this on my topic list for well over a year. And that's why I can't find it because I kept delaying the topic because I didn't know what to do with the, with the notes. So I put it in a chat GPT which gave me sparkly ideas of what to do with the notes. And now I can't find the notes and we go round and round. So I'm going to share the tips that I am looking forward to using when someday I find those notes. But what I loved was it gave some structure to something that was keeping me stuck because it's that I don't know what to do with it. I'm stuck. Yeah. Because everything felt like. Like I've got to go through all like what do I. I don't want to open it because I don't want to deal with it. So here's some tips from Chat GPT. It says the goal is not to perfectly organize every note. It's to preserve the meaning with minimal decisions. Yeah, it is. That's exactly what I asked for. So here's what it said. It said, number one, stop sorting for now. It said, give yourself permission to capture without categorizing. Well, that's kind of what I did just by putting in the envelope. Step two, choose one low effort home. So these were the things that it offered. It said just capture it with a picture. Take photos of the notes and store them in one album in your camera app called Good Stuff or Things I want to Remember. I'm like, oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. Okay. The other thing it said was to dictate or type them into a running note just to remember. Now I've thought about that but I'm so visual. I remember the different color note post its I wrote it on. Yeah. The way I wrote it. Like there's. There's meaning behind the note and the way I wrote it that typing it into something digital is not going to capture the same thing. It'll just be a list that I know I won't read. Totally. So that was a no, I'm not doing that. And then the third thing was to glue or tape the notes into a single notebook. The order doesn't matter. I do that in my expected returnum journal and I do it in my personal owner's manual. I have a section in there. So I was like. And I have sections where I've already literally done that. And I forgot. So I was like, that is it. And that was literally I stopped reading. And I was like, that's it. That's what I'm going to do. And that's when I realized I couldn't find the notes. So it went on to say create like a future self system. Yeah. So you can support yourself to go back. And this is what I would do with them. Organized is if I take a picture, I can go into that album and just flip through the images and read them to kind of build up that. That positive energy I need. Especially if I'm feeling kind of low or down or I did something that I'm like, kicking myself for. It's like, okay, that's not helping me to keep thinking about what I did. Let me remember that I. I don't always mess up. I do things that really do help people. And here's evidence of that. And so I decided I would put it into my expected petronum journal and just tape it on paper so I could go back and read them. And so it says, you know, set a reminder to, like, do it once a month. So all of this I have structure myself. But I love that it's the same thing that ChatGPT recommended is like, things I'm like, yes, I do that. But it also recommended. I thought this was fun. Just pull out one note at random when you need encouragement. Maybe if you have, like, you sort them by. These are things people have told me they're positive, which I write down anytime somebody gives me a compliment. Because I've always had a hard time taking compliments, and I don't remember them because I tend to get overwhelmed when they say yes. I feel like you're looking at me and I get in my head and I judge what you're saying and kind of pull up evidence that it's not true. So I'm not focusing on what you're saying. So I have to write it down to remember it. And. And I'll tell people I'm sorry, I'm listening to you, but if I don't write this down, I'm not gonna remember what you're saying. I want to remember what you're saying to me because I don't think that you would tell me this if you didn't mean it. And so I write it down. And so the final tip is just to refrain what's going on. It's not a problem. It's evidence that you're trying to hold on to. So it's not clutter. It's. It's like little bits of gold all in this spot. So if you have anything similar to this, I invite you to just explore a strategy that is sparkly to you. Like, for me, as soon as I read the. I got the. The picture album was like, oh, I could do that. I could do that. But the laying them out in a book. Yeah. Works better for me. So that was immediately. I Had energy for it. I was like, I can do that. And I literally started looking. So notice where you have energy. If this is something that you struggle with, and what would be the easiest way to move forward from where you are? That's it. That's my tip. Okay, now for our main topic for today. And that is, do you have F O, F O, F O, which is fear of finding out. So, you know, FOMO is fear of missing out. Like, oh, if I don't go to that, I'm going to miss out on all the fun or whatever. So fear of finding out. I. When I read this is an article that I read, and when I read the article, I immediately thought of, yeah, guys know if you're any. If you listen to this regularly or you check into my. My work, I love peanuts. And so I immediately thought of Charlie Brown going and paying his five cents to Lucy at her psychiatrist's in booth. Yeah. For psychiatric advice. And he tells her that he's just, you know, not sure what's wrong. And. And she starts asking him if he has fears of different things. And when she finally asks if he has omniphobia and he says, what's. What is that? And she said, well, try to run. It's a fear of everything. And he goes, that's. And she like, blows backwards and rolls over. And I had that reaction when I read do you have fo fear finding out? I was like, yes, that's it. And so this was in health.com and I know that from my experience of my ADHD brain. This can pertain to medical potential diagnoses, tests, which is what the article was written about. Health.com it was all about people. Fear of finding out something's wrong. Fear of finding out I now need medication. I need, you know, whatever. This test result is going to show blank. So it's mostly, you know, the article is really focused on health and it's something that doctors are very familiar with because when we come in, like, there's a lot of fear of going to the doctor. There's, there's, you know, a very common among adults fear of going in and even having regular physical. So there was a 2025 survey that included 2,000 employed adults. And I think they highlighted that because they had medical coverage. So it wasn't a lack of medical coverage that was getting in a way of them going for a routine physical. It was the actual, like, fear of. Yep. They said three out of five adults in the United States avoided health screenings and listed fear of getting bad news or Embarrassment as a common reason. Oh, yeah. So I would say even fear of like stepping on the scale and finding out a real weight. Fear of having your blood work done and finding out maybe you have pre diabetes or like something. Yeah, something like whatever. Fear of finding out is shown to be common in people that have OCD or generalized anxiety and others who just have had previous experiences that weren't great in medical environments. So as I mentioned, it could be due to fear of a test result. It might lead to a diagnosis. The example that they gave was like an std. So like, if I don't know, it's not in my file. It's not something I have to deal with. I'm just going to ignore it. The embarrassment of finding out that you do have. Exactly. Yeah. Or the stress of needing treatments that they don't want to get or that they can't get. I don't know. Yeah. But again, this was. Oh, right. For. From the, the research. I'm shifting now to looking at it through that ADHD lens. And what I know is it can magnify our fear because remember, our brains are, you know, kind of hyper focusing on. Yeah. The thing. And it also can create fear of needing to make a lifestyle change. So I know like, if I think about like needing, like I remember, like I really didn't want to have to take medication because I'm terrible at keeping up with. With. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And, and it's just not easy. Right. So getting it refilled, remembering you take it, doctor's appointments, like all of that. It could be afraid that you're going to be recommended to have a lifestyle change that you don't trust yourself to be able to implement and sustain. So if you go in the doctors, like, you really would maybe want to consider a little bit more exercise in your day or your weight is concerning because of these potential health consequences that whatever. And that you're not feeling that you have the bandwidth or the executive functions that will support you to make those changes in a way that will support you to succeed. We also might believe that without the test that it isn't real. Right. So it's like, well, until it's confirmed, everything's fine. It's possible I'm just making it up in my head or, you know, everything's going along just fine. It's also fueled by we can fear how long we have to wait for this result. So it like, it. It might even be compound. It was like, okay, if you would just come and do the test and tell Me immediately, I think I could tolerate it. But if you're asking me to like make the appointment, go in for the appointment, and then I know it's going to be right several days, maybe a couple of weeks before I get the results back, we can have a lot of resistance. It's like, well, I can't tolerate that, so I'm not doing. Also, of course, as we've loosely alluded to, maybe we don't want to go because we're afraid of finding out something that we don't have the ability due to finances or insurance or lack thereof, to treat it right. So it's like, well, I can't do anything about it anyway. So I find. Why find out? Like, why go through the expense even of finding out if I'm not in a position to do something? So the fear comes up there too. These are all more medical examples still, but through that ADHD lens of what else could be going on to kind of piggyback on that fear of finding out some other examples that aren't medically related that I thought of just from my own either, my own personal experience of my work with my clients. We have a fear of finding out things financially. So we won't open our mail. We don't want to look at our bank statement. We don't want to look at the credit card statement. Especially the credit card statement right after Christmas or a vacation. Right. It's that I don't want to know. And again, that whole if I don't look at it, it's not real. I don't have to deal with it. Yeah. We won't look at our email or our calendar because we're afraid that we forgot something or we're over scheduled or a deadline has passed. Yeah. And now it's like, I don't want to know. Right. Is that fear of finding out that something has fallen off and we'd rather not know about. About it? Or maybe you are afraid of what's in there that's going to require you to make decisions. There'll be requests, there'll be, you know, things that you're going to have to decide what to do with whatever it is that's in there. We also have a fear of finding out when it comes to applying for jobs. We don't want to find out that they went in a different direction if we don't get feedback often when we aren't offered a job or just, you know, sorry, we went in a different direction. What does that mean? Right. Yeah. What can I do? So it can get in the way of interviewing if we are afraid of finding out that they may not want to hire us. That's, that's another example I thought of. We that also can come up if we think about asking somebody out or even asking a friend to do something. We have a lot of social media awareness of our unawareness or not even aware of what we're not aware. We just know that we don't get a lot of positive validation. Maybe we've asked people and they're like, yeah, no, I'm good. Or you know, we anticipate that somebody won't want to do something so we don't want to ask. So I'm just curious. You know, it's my. I just listed the ones that get literally on the top of my head as I was planning this episode. These were pretty easy for me to think of. But what other examples have I not brought up? So if you have fear of finding out of something that either tags on to something I've shared or is adjacent to it or maybe I missed, you know, multiple topics, I no doubt I have. I invite you to share. Where does it pop up for you and what have you noticed works? But of course I'm going to share a couple of strategies for what to do if you have experienced the fear of finding out when it's medical. So these are again back from the Health.com article they suggested listing looking at the pros and cons of finding out. So the pro finding out if you have blank is maybe what the treatment is versus not getting treatment, like what will happen. So look at the pro versus con there. And even thinking about the potential increase of anxiety of not knowing and getting help can further impact your health negatively. I thought that was interesting because that's again, it wasn't written for adhd, but totally what I would anticipate would happen for myself with adhd. Remember and this is my lens here. Remember our now not now brain. So it might feel good right now to not know and kind of push it to the back burner. Like, yeah, I know I need to do that. Kind of like I shared year or two ago, I don't remember times very fluid in my brain. But when I had hurt my knee and there were certain yoga poses I couldn't do and I tolerated it for like seven, eight, nine months before I finally went to the doctor because I was afraid I was going to need surgery. Yes. And when I finally went and had the mri, which everything was fine, but I did have to have physical therapy. I Can do everything now. And I am still in amazement that whenever I do child's extended child's pose, which was something I could not bend my knee fully to do. Yeah. I am so grateful that I can do that. So the not knowing right in this moment might feel good, but the not now, the future you is still going to be dealing potentially with this if it's not something that goes away. So maybe asking yourself what could happen if I continue to ignore this kind of playing out worst case scenario. Yeah. And just see, like, what, what could I do to avoid that outcome? Or how will I feel if nothing changes in six months? So like I had already going back to my knee example. I'd already had it for six months and I knew nothing I had done resting it, doing what exercise I could think would help and protecting it by, you know, just modifying, I actually realized I was becoming weaker in other areas because I was accommodating that weakness. And I was like, oh my gosh, like I'm doing things. I realize I was doing that or making other areas worse. So if nothing changes, what would you do? And that leads me to a if then set up. So it might be if it's not better by blank. Yeah, I will blank. So I did that with my knee. I was like, if it's not better by I gave myself a date. I will make an appointment to have it checked out. Just having a plan can help you to kind of be okay in the moment without as much stress because you've decided what you're going to do by when and what that action will be. And then set a reminder for your plan. So don't just be like, okay, that's what I'm going to do. And keep it in your head. Set a calendar reminder. Tell somebody else your plan for accountability. Do what works for you to follow through. Again, I am not a medical professional, so always consent your doc. Consult with your doctor if there's anything that you're not sure of. What's the best approach for you? I'm just sharing some information that was inspired by this article because I think with ADHD brain wiring, we have a strong fear of finding out that can show up in a lot of different ways. If you're still stuck, ask for help. See your doctor, see your therapist, ask your coach for help with a plan to take a next step. Ask a trusted friend or family member. Don't try to do it on your own if that's keeping you stuck, reach out and ask for help. If you are struggling with email or Your physical mail with that fear of finding out what's in there, maybe time looking at it when you can body double with somebody else. So you're not tolerating it on your, you know, dealing with it on your own or an accountability partner that you're like, I'm going to go through the mail and I'm going to let you know when I'm done, or whatever it is that would work for you. Or maybe you build in an incentive to go into it. But noticing what would work for you to help you just take one step forward or invite someone to do something that lets you pick a place of beginning. So it might be okay. I can't stand the idea of looking through my mail, but maybe I can look at the very first piece of mail. Not all of it. Just find an easy entry point that lets you start. So another example is if you want to ask somebody to go do something with you socially and you're in your head about it, or maybe you've thought about it multiple past times before and you always seem to, you know, lose the motivation and you're like, never mind. I, I'll just skip that. I don't really need. I don't really need to go. Maybe think about how asking would be easier. So if you think about asking a person and you have a lot of resistance, but you have their contact information, maybe you can text them. Oh, yeah. And just like something I've done personally is like, I'll send a picture of the event. And I'm like, hey, I'm thinking about doing this. Any chance that you'd be interested in joining me? Yeah. Think about what would be the easiest way for you. And right. That, that lowers that, that entry point to do it. If it's something you have a lot of energy for, that might be a better thing, I think. I. I shared the Carol Burnett coming to speak in Chicago, and I asked my friend who we were friends in knit group, but we hadn't done anything outside of knit group. And I really wanted to see Carol Burnett. And she's getting older, so I've had this definite sense of urgency. And I thought, well, maybe she'll have, you know, an interest in going with me as well. And she was totally like, without hesitation, yes, I would love to go. And it was so much fun. I have that, like, that's one of my, my social wins, was that I did it and it was fun and we're still friends. It didn't backfire. The other thing I did recently was I invited a friend to go see a movie that was the next day, and it was only showing for, like, two more days at the theater. And so I was like, hey, like, no. No worries. Yeah, but if you're at all interested, this movie is showing tomorrow. I could go at this time or this time. If you're free and would like and like to go, let me know. And I was fine if they didn't want to go, But I wanted to go so badly before it left theaters that I reached out and she was free. Actually, I asked four different people, and she was. She was one of the people that said yes. So I was like, okay, this is amazing. That's it. I'm at the. I'm like, oh, that's it. That I'm at the end of my list of things. So just identify where you have a fear of finding something out and if it's holding you back, maybe a little self coaching and ask what's one thing that I could do to move forward and just see what comes up. I like it. All right. Finally, we're at the end. My book of the week. It's another Abby Menes. This one, say you'll remember me, was super, super good. There's a sequel. I read it because the sequel's coming out in March of 2026, really quickly. It is about a gorgeous vet and a woman who just rescued an adorable kitten who goes in for a checkup with the kitten to make sure all is good. Could it be love at first sight? I don't know. I loved it. I gave it four out of five stars. And I can't wait for the sequel. So check that out if that's something. It's super light, airy, fun, romance, cozy romance. Very enjoyable. And now for my quote of the week. This comes from Linus, which I thought, you know, since comes from that book that you gave me, my. My peanuts guide to life from Becca. And Linus says no one need ever be ashamed of fingernails made dirty by a hard day's work. Oh, that's so true. Right? So it's like, you know what? All of our bumps and bruises and things come from living a life well, so don't be embarrassed by it. Lean into it. I love that. That's it for this episode. Until next time. Tally H.