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Hi, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patti. I'm an ADHD and executive function coach. I always kind of like trip over when I try to say that in one line. And I'm here to help you struggle less and thrive more. If you're looking for more support than is possible through this podcast and YouTube channel, I invite you to check out my website, ADHD friendly.com where adders get more things done. This week, episode 236 I'm going to be talking about celebration. First to do with spring. I've got some garage and yard celebrations and then I have a tip to share about how to use your high energy moments to support your low energy moments. And then I don't have a product this week, but I do have our main topic as a very interesting one. It's about. I'm calling it Friends Don't Let Friends Mask their adhd. I find that so sparkly. So I'm going to talk about that. All right, let's get to it. Let's start with my celebration. And that is spring is finally in the air here, particularly today where it is warm and muggy and rainy. Yeah. But over the weekend I told my husband because I saw the forecast and it was supposed to get into the 70s Sweden, which for most people is like, yeah. And I'm like, it is. So I'm not gonna swear it is so hot. Like I'm like that because it was also going to be humid. So. Yeah, it's just not a fun. That's the thing, the humidity. Yeah. It's not a fun temperature when it's humid. And Saturday was going to be high of 55. Sunny, cool. Yeah. Low humidity, beautiful. So I said if you want to get the garage cleaned out, which he's been talking about for over a month. I said, you've got me on Saturday. Yeah. Not on Sunday. Like I, I am so good. So I'm celebrating the boundary because I looked at the weather. I'm like, I will not participate on Sunday. So if you want to do it on Sunday, have fun. I'll bring you a nice thing of water ice in it. But if you want me to participate your girl on Saturday. And so we did. We cleaned up the garage. I started getting the yard prepped a bit for plants and I can't plant them yet because I did see that there's another Volo freezing day coming up, which is which excited about. But I don't want to risk. I'm not good at going in and like the details, like remembering to cover Them. Yeah, I'm not. That's. I'm not the girl for that. I am like, plan it and forget it. They need to just go, go, go on their own. So that's it. But what I did plant. But I did plant what I did purchase this week. So I'm moving on to my. What I purchased. I purchased some soil for plants and I purchased my blue hydrangea from Trader Joe. Yeah, it's. It's beautiful. It's really needing. I have to look it up like water, like, almost every day or it gets very limpy and reminds me of that hectic commercial. Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy. It's not. It's limpy. And so I just want it to look, like, perky and vibrant. So I'm just not sure if it's the flower for me, but I'm getting it, you know, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to do anything to harm it. I'm just thinking it may be a little too high maintenance as a house plant. I may need to plant it in the yard. We'll see. But that's what I purchased. And I don't have a product of the week because I didn't want to recommend the plant because not everybody has Trader Joe's and not everybody, you know, has the same selection. Although I do love Trader Joe's for their plants. They have such a good. They have such a good variety. And that plant was $10.99. And it's like, it's a. It's like a hydrangea that you would get at a nursery and it'd be like 25 bucks. So I was like, I should go get more settled down. We don't need more. So. All right, now onto my ADHD friendly tip for this week. I'm going to start by saying I did have a comment. Thank you for everybody. That goes into the comments of the episodes and shares your takeaway. Something you heard, something that works for you. I had somebody share that they found it, you know, frustrating as somebody with an ADHD brain that they came in for the main topic. So let's say for this week it's, you know, friends don't ask friends to master adhd. I don't get to that for, you know, usually at least 10 minutes. Yeah. But I want to share a tip that Becca reminded me of that I forgot about even. And that's if you want to jump right to a specific point. If you hear me talking about, like, these things are what we're going to be covering today. You're like, oh, I just want to hear this. I've only got five minutes and this is what I need. Becca does a highlight reel in each episode. So it tells you at exactly what point I start talking about that topic. So you can jump right to it and skip over all of the little back and forth banter. If that's not your thing, I get it. I totally get it. And that would sometimes work for me, sometimes not. So, you know, allow yourself to get what you need and move on and leave the rest behind. That's always my motto. All right, so an additional tool beside or tip besides that is how to use high energy times to support low energy times. So I wanted to share just a really quick example of my own, and then I'm going to share some examples of what this could look like throughout everyday life. And that is, I know I'm higher energy when I'm moving around. And I, I just always think of that, that rule of like, I sound, I'm gonna sound like, duh, like the rule of nature. The body emotion stays in. It is in physics of law of physics. Law. I think it's a law of physics. Never took physics, guys, but you know, that whole body emotion stays in motion. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. I embody that. Like, you could put me next to the definition of that law. Because if I'm going, like, I will resist stopping because I know once I stop, stop, I'm done. And to get me to get up and do anything, no matter how small, is really going to create resistance. My dad used to always say about people, he's like, he has two speeds, slow and stop. And I was like, okay, I have two speeds, but it's like fast and stop. Like, like, I'll go, go, go, and then I'll stop. Nothing. So I try to tap into what I know about myself and when I'm up and about, I. I really try to resist sitting down until I do everything that needs to be done. So I'm kind of tapping into that higher energy while I'm in action, in motion, so that when I sit down, I can enjoy sitting down knowing I got everything I needed to get done checked off. And I particularly do this in the morning. So when I sit down, I'm like, it's coffee time. And I can just sit and read and enjoy my coffee without any little nagging distraction of, oh, you didn't fold the laundry. Oh, you still refill the dog bowls. Oh, you know, all of those little Things. So what does this maybe look at, look like in the world? Just general. General examples I wanted to highlight. So it might mean setting out your workout clothes so that if you're low energy, when it's time to work out, that's one less thing you have to do. So you're just kind of supporting your future self with these. Maybe the next time you're shopping, you grab a little box of thank you cards so that when something happens and you want to hand write a little note, which means so much to so many people, when we rarely get those anymore, you have it. So then it's not like, oh, yeah, that would be nice if I did that, but then I'm gonna have to go to the store. It's like you lowered that resistance because you already have something. To make it easier to do when you buy fresh fruit and produce, wash it before you put it in the fridge. Now, I know some things they tell you not to do. I'm not quite sure why. Something about it, I guess because it would be wet and maybe it might get. If you're going to like put it together and like grapes or something and they're going to sit in the fridge, maybe they would get. They'd go bad faster. But I know if you wash it, dry it, and put it in an open container that I could just grab, I am much more likely to eat it than if I have to like open the little crisper drawer and find something and then wash it and. Too many. Yeah. So wash dry fruit when you have that energy. So it's kind of like that same principle. You come in from the grocery store, you've got all the bags, you're putting things away. Do those things at that time. At least that's the only time I'll do it because if not, I am most likely throwing that stuff away. Onion. Because I never felt like it. Yeah. Didn't have the energy. Later, if you're already cooking, make a double batch so that when you have a busy week, you can just pull the. The leftover out and have them. That's smart. Or freeze them and pull them out. You know, you get sick, you're like, oh, my gosh, I still have that extra lasagna. Yeah. That extra in there. Yeah. So it really does support a low energy day. Leave donation, bin bag, you know, somewhere, a box so that if you're tidying, you're like, why do I still have this? I don't need it. It just gives you a place to put it instead of to figure out what to do with that and you put it back. So really just thinking about how to make low energy things easier because you're doing them when you have or setting yourself up to be able to get them checked off more easily when you have high energy. So maybe the last thing I wrote was having like a low energy list of things that can give you easy wins to build up some momentum. Like I brushed my teeth, I flossed, you know, like little things you can check off to get some energy going. Clean the mirror. Like I can't even tell you if I clean my bathroom mirror. It because I get used to it. It just, you know, gets little right things on it. Washing your hands. Right? Yeah, it's right. And so over, you know, multiple days, I don't even notice that it has things on it. And then if I clean it, like, oh my gosh, what an energy boost. I didn't even realize it was so. Or same with outside windows. I get used to all the spots and things. And then you clean, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm like looking through all of this toleration of clutter on the window. So the tip is to use your high energy brain to more easily support your low energy brain. That's this episode's tip. All right, so now on to our topic. This came up and I found it so funny. I was listening to a commercial where they use that old phrase, friends don't ask, friends don't let friends drink and drive, or friends don't let friends drive drunk. And it was in the car and I thought, friends don't let brand friends mask their adhd. And it just struck me as so funny that when I have an idea like that, I, I text it to myself so I'll remember it because I will not remember it in the future. And when I heard it, I thought that update really feels relevant because so many of us with ADHD brain struggle with making friends, keeping friends, keeping up with friends, communicating, all of that. And it's really hard if we're masking in front of friends, if we don't feel like we can be our true self to maintain a friendship that feels balanced. Yeah, right. That we can be our authentic self. So I love the idea of friends don't let friends mask their adhd. So when you think about most of the people listening to this, you're an adult with adhd. Maybe you're a teen, maybe you're riding in the car listening to this with with family members. But think about how many years you've Spent trying to look like you have it all together. Right? It's that whole, like. I always think of that commercial where the guy was riding the riding mower. It's like, I have a big, beautiful house, and I have two new cars and a lovely family, and I am up to my eyeballs in debt. Everybody's, like, smiling the whole time he's saying it. I think of that all the time. With. Especially social media really plays that out, where people are typically often showing their best selves, like, oh, look at me. I'm here. I'm doing this. I just got this. This is happening. And it just can give us that feeling that everybody else has it together and we don't, so we better act like we do, because we don't want others to know that we don't. And I always think of it as like, the wizard and the wizard of Oz. Like, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. It's like, yeah, don't look. You know, And I've got this whole like. Like, smoke and mirrors thing going on. Exactly. It's like, look in this room, but not that room. Closed or don't. Don't. So first, I want to just underline what masking is. If this is a term that you aren't as familiar with, Masking is hiding for what we're talking about with adhd. It's hiding your ADHD traits to appear, quote, unquote, normal or neurotypical. So it's pretending that you're not overwhelmed. So I always think of that as like. Like the duck in the water, where you're just like, oh, my gosh. But on the. On the surface, you're like, I got this. But inside, you're just like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. You are over apologizing for things. Maybe you rehearse what you say before you speak. Or in my case, you don't speak at all. Like, I learned many years ago it didn't serve me to speak up in a group setting because I would say things that I would realize in retrospect and then beat myself up for hours. I'd ruminate about it going, why didn't you just listen? Yeah, why did you say that? Blank. Or we play off our forgetfulness, running late, mistakes we make with humor. We're like, oh, you know, like, we. We kind of like, oh, I'm at it again. Yep, there I go. Oh, well. Where it's really. Because it's embarrassing, and we don't really know what to do about it. And so it's more comfortable to kind of invite people to laugh than to be laughed at without us or to be, you know, kind of, like, judged. So in my family, I wanted to share what this looks like. Some examples. This is. These are examples. Some of them up to today. Some of them were when the kids were younger, some before I had kids, all different places. But this is what it's looked like over the years. Not having people over big things. Still struggle with that. Still have not had complete, like unknown people into this house. We've been here eight years. Not a comfortable thing for me. Yeah. Make certain rooms off limits. So like, literally, like the door shut when I go to. I've gone to a couple of my knitting group friends, houses for knit group. And they always do a tour. And I always make sure I say, okay, if I host at my house at some point, just there will not be a tour. Don't ask me if you can see. Like, you will see the rooms that I'm comfortable with using. And I know that that sounds however it sounds, but the reality is the idea that somebody would expect me to take them around and show them, like an open house. Like my house is never. Unless it's on the market. Yeah. Ready for people to tour it. So I want to acknowledge that by, you know, being on. I'm like, that's not going to happen. So let's just manage that expectation right now. So I'm gonna have them over, but if I do, I. I can circle back and remember there really will not be a house tour. Because that expectation would stop me from ever having someone ever doing it. Yeah. I used to not like having my kids friends over for dinner. Lunch, fine. Sleepover, Breakfast, fine. But anytime they were sleeping over, I would time it. Still do. Honestly. After dinner. After the dinner hour. Yeah. Because I don't cook. And especially since I started intermittent fasting. I'm not even eating dinner. So the idea that I need now, this isn't really an issue now my kids are older. But. But at the time. But at the time it was like, I. I don't. I'm not comfortable with. What would I put out? What would they think of what I put out? What would they tell their parents? I put like, like all of those things I would get to in my head. So for me to be like, oh, it's breakfast for dinner. Which is the few times I did it that I'm like, okay, guys, I'm making, you know, bacon and, and French toast. And I can do that. But I'm not making like multiple things for dinner and putting that. That's not happening. I keep my windows shut. I've always done this, even on nice days. Because when my kids were younger, if they were having an ADHD overwhelm moment and they started yelling at each other or throwing a temper tantrum, I was so uncomfortable with people knowing people could hear that they were just even imagining that somebody could be walking by with their dog and they could hear my kid having a meltdown and being like, oh, did you hear her? I mean, my mind would play out these scenarios. I guarantee you the likelihood that anybody was walking by at that time thought anything other than, yep, she's got kids. This poor mother. Yeah, yeah. No, I always internalize that. So those are just some examples of masking that I was very well aware I did because of how incredibly uncomfortable I was with what it would look like if people knew that, that, you know, the whole, like, I don't want you to ride in my car because, oh my gosh, you know, like, like now I, I have, you know, my car's fine, but anytime. Well, I had kids, it was like, no, no, no, do not go there. No, no, like, like, even the kids, like, please don't let the, you know, the, the fast food cups blow out the door when you open it. Okay, so why do we do this? Why do we mask? You probably already know this and you've also just, if you're watching this, saw how uncomfortable I was even talking about some of these things. We mask because we have heard feedback throughout our lives, both internally for ourselves. We judge what we're doing or what we're not doing and from others, whether it's real or perceived. Often we get little comments, but sometimes we'll just hear those comments like, like my example with neighbors, it's like, oh, yeah, what will the neighbors think? Oh, neighbors. And that's what was always like, who cares? I'm like, I. So the feedback could have been, you know, you just need to try harder. Right. I always think that's so well intentioned, but it's one of the worst things you can say to us. We're trying really hard, really hard, you know, do you just need to be a little bit more organized? Obviously. What does that look like? Like, how do I get more organized? It's so hard with our ADHD brain wiring to take action on that because we don't even know what to do. We get so overwhelmed that taking those steps is just a no starter, non starter. We just get stuck. We are asked to Stop interrupting. Stop talking. Stop monopolizing the conversation. Let me get a word in. Like, do you earn not listening? Do you. Are you even hearing what I'm saying? What did I say? I don't know. Our challenges are easily misunderstood as not caring, not being invested, not taking them seriously. And that is, most of the time, has nothing to do with what's going on. They always say we have to look beyond the surface behaviors. The behaviors are just a symptom of what's going on underneath. So because of those experiences, often from very young, we learn how to. People, please. We learn how to overcompensate. I have a number of people in my family that will arrive places a minimum of 30 minutes early, sometimes more than an hour. If it's an airport, numerous hours early, like, oh, we'll just get there. We'll hang out. I'm like, why do I want to sit at the airport for three hours for a domestic flight? Like, I really don't want to. No, thank you. We will do what it takes to hide our weaknesses instead of acknowledging that's just not a strength of mine. Yeah. So in real life, it can look like maybe we cancel our evening plans because we use our energy all day. So we meet plans with someone, they're like, oh, there goes Patty again. She canceled. No big surprise when it's like, I really wanted to go, but I didn't realize how exhausted I'd be with everything else from masking all day. Masking takes an enormous amount of energy. Yeah. And holding it together all day. I used to say, like, my kids used to fall apart when I got home from school. And I was very grateful that they did that because that meant they were holding it together, which for me was the more important time. So that it wasn't getting in their way socially or academically, but they were done when they got home, and they would just decompress and fall apart. We feel lonely when we're masking. So even with friends, if we're not allowing ourselves to be our true selves, it's very isolating because it. It's that. That belief that they wouldn't accept me if they really knew the real me. For me, it's always I mindfully lower energy even. It's so a part of who I am. I don't. Like, I have to kind of think about it that you're doing it, because I. Yeah, it's just. Even. Even in these videos, I remember when I thought, I'm like, I'm just going to be me. And it's hard just to let go and do that. Partly because I speak really quickly when I do it and that doesn't. It's not. It's not conducive to when I'm doing webinars or videos because I want you to be able to understand what I'm saying. I still don't speak slowly, but I try to really be mindful so that you can follow what I'm saying. We also have a strong fear of being discovered. That imposter syndrome runs really, really, really strongly for us. So we just aren't comfortable showing our whole selves or admitting our weaknesses because then it almost feels like people will be like, oh, I always thought there was something. I never really believed that you had it all together, whatever. That, that, you know, kind of self story is I remember the few times and they were moments I don't think the other people were even aware it happened. For me, one was when I first met my. My future brother in law. No, actually we were married. We were married. So I'd met him multiple times. But we were on vacation in Florida together. We went to the beach and we were running around. And I remember, like I did something really high energy, like just kind of really let loose. And I remember you just looked at me and he was like, okay. And it was just, you know, really probably nothing. Yeah. But I took it. So, like, I still remember how I felt. I was like, oh my gosh, Patty, why did you let yourself go? I don't like to drink in front of people. Alcohol, because I get like that around people regardless. And I always think they're gonna think I'm drunk. And this is just me. Right? It's just. Yeah. And I don't want them thinking I've already, like, imbibed and had too much to drink. Now that definitely can make it even more. But I tend to only do that around people I'm comfortable with because I know I just get kind of revved up and it's hard for me to reign myself in. And if I drink, it's really hard for me to rain myself. So I've never been comfortable with that. So what does it mean then? If we're looking for friends that aren't asking us or expecting us to mask our adhd, it doesn't mean we don't have boundaries or accountability. So it doesn't mean like, I am who I am and you just deal with it to a degree. It could mean that it's like I need you to accept me for who I am. But it doesn't mean, you know what, I'm an hour late every time. And you just need to deal with it because I have no concept of time. That's not, you know, kind of that give and take of friendship. But it might mean, okay, I am pretty time blind, right? So you might want to give me, like a time 30 minutes different from what you're going to show up for. But don't tell me if that would work for you. Yeah. Or you have my permission to leave after 15 minutes if I'm not there. If we're meeting at 12 and it's 12, 15 and you're like, I got other things to do with my time, I give you full permission to leave, and I have no right to be angry. And then it's like you're. You're kind of like creating a tension that works for you where you're holding yourself more accountable. And that person knows that you're really working on it. Or you can tell them, I'm really working on this. I'm. I'm working with my coach. I'm working, you know, I'm setting alarms because I know this is a challenge for me. And it has nothing to do with not wanting to honor your time because I think people often take it as though we don't respect the time that they are showing up. It's just like, I'll show up when it's good for me. And that's not often the case. So it doesn't mean we're not accountable and we don't, you know, need to have boundaries around what works or doesn't work. But it does mean that we don't have to perform our hide so we can talk about what's challenging for us. Like, I always tell people, I'm not going to remember your birthday. Like, especially if I, like, attend something, it's like, oh, it's my birthday. I'm like, oh, my gosh, Happy birthday. Or like, oh, my birthday sex. Because I'm like, oh, happy birthday in advance. Because I won't remember your birthday next week. That's not a skill set I hold. And it takes so much effort to put prompts in place that I will notice that I often will not do it. So I have it for certain people. But if it's somebody, I'm like, I'm not gonna. If I'm not going to see you, I'm not going to remember. And so I just let you know, like, no offense, but I'm going to wish you in advance happy birthday. And we don't when we're, when we're not masking, we want to be able to do that without feeling shame. So it's really about being your authentic self and knowing that you're accepted for who you are, not masking so that you can be accepted for this fake version of yourself. Remember, the shame keeps us small. It keeps us hiding. And that's part of masking. So we don't want to do that. So if you are a friend or a family member who has somebody in your life that has adhd, what could you do to support them? So this is for you non ADHD minds. Or if you have ADHD and you have a friend with adhd, maybe your shows up most likely different than the way theirs does. So just some tips for how to support a friend with adhd. The first is to reframe instead of judging. So if they're running late, it could be that they don't care. But also ask yourself what else? What else could be going on here? And if it's time blindness again, you can share like, hey, I can wait 15 minutes, but after that I'm going to need to go because I find I get frustrated that I'm not enjoying our time out. So owning what you can and cannot tolerate. If they forget to bring something that they borrowed from you that they said that they would return, it's not maybe that they want to keep it. It might just be a working memory limit where they were trying to remember and thinking about it and they forgot. So it might just be, you know, if you're like, okay, I kind of needed that back. What would help you remember it so that I can get it next time I see you. And so you're asking them what they would do to prompt themselves next time so that they'll have a stronger chance of remembering maybe how to support yourself with friends if you have adhd. So if you're the one running late, it might be just letting them know, sorry, I'm so sorry. I really do care about your time and I know that this is a challenge for me. Times very slippery. But I am working on it. I don't want you just to think this is going to be the case all the time. I am putting systems in place to get better at it. Believe it or not, last year I would have been, you know, twice this late. So it's like, you know, kind of acknowledging like I'm aware of it and I'm working on it. If you're volunteering to help or somebody asks you to volunteer and you know you want to, but this is a thing that you struggle to follow through with. Consistently own what you're good at. I always say I'm a good worker bee with a specific task. Yeah. So if you want me to show up and just kind of fill in, see a need, fill a need. I'm not good at that. I'm not good at walking around and going, oh, gosh. Because I get so anxious not having something to do. I get very in my head. I love it. If you're like, patty, you're going to be at this table selling tickets, and this is the cash box, or these are the tickets, or you're going to be taking tickets, whatever. You're going to be, like, registering people and giving them a name tag. I'm all over it. But if you just want me to, like, float, not as good. So let them know what you're good at so that they're not asking you to do something that's tapping into your weaker areas. Or if you love floating, if you're like, I don't want to be tied down. That's what you ask for. You're like, I'm not good at, like, sitting still in one spot. I am much better at kind of floating and just checking in to see who needs help. I have a couple of kids like this. They'd be much better about just, like, going around going, hey, I'm here. If anybody needs an extra pair of hands, I'm available. And then the last tip is to ask for what you need. So if you know you're a verbal processor, maybe letting your friend know, hey, I've got this situation, and it will help me to talk it out. Can I have five minutes? And you just hear what I'm saying. Or if you're looking for feedback, say, and maybe if you have a thought, I'd love to hear what comes to mind. Yeah. But asking for what you need. Like, I've had people tell me, like. Like, they. They can't just sit and talk. So they'll ask people, can I. Can we go on a walk while we're talking? And even if they're holding coffees or whatever, like, yeah, we can, like, walk around and talk. Because being in motion helps them to focus. And so it's letting them know I want to focus on what you're telling me. And I'll be able to better do that if I'm moving while we're talking. And if that works for both of you, then it's setting yourselves up for success instead of you trying to sit, you know, motionless and focus on what they're saying, when that's going to be a huge challenge for your brain to be able to do that. So ask for what you need. And when you think about masking, maybe the place to start is just which friends you notice you're masking with and which friends are you able to be your authentic self with? And then is there, you know, a place that you want to start removing the mask? Some people, we're not. They're just not the people that we're comfortable being ourselves with. But real friends create the space where you don't have to hide behind that. And that's what we need. Everybody needs real friends that we can be ourselves with. So there's some tips if you have additional things. Again, this is episode 236. Would love to hear experiences, thoughts about masking and if you've done something that works for you. All right, final thing, moving on is the book of the week. Can't believe I read this. This book. I am sure most of you have already read this, so. It's called the Fourth Wing. If you're listening to this, I'm holding up a image of it, and it is by Rebecca Yarrows. It is. It's a series, right? It is a series of three. It has crazy reviews. Like, like 3 million plus reviews. Four point. Like five or something. Or four. I don't remember what the Goodreads reading is. It's a romantasy, which is a fantasy and romance together. Not my favorite thing. Although, ironically, some of my favorite book series of all time are fantasies. Right. So one of my friends at book club mentioned this last month and she has mentioned it before because this came out, I think in 2023 or 2024, like two or three years ago. Yeah, it came out in May of 2023. And she, she loves romance. She loves fantasy. So I'm. I wasn't surprised, but she was like, oh, my gosh, it's so good. So I decided I would get the audiobook and listen to it while I was walking. Yeah, all right. I did really enjoy it. I gave it, I would say, a soft four out of five. I didn't quite feel the three and a half. I didn't quite feel the four. So maybe a 3.7. Five out of five. Okay. But it was more enjoyable than I expected. Okay. So I am starting the second book, believe it or not. I know I'm not sure if I'm going to finish it because it's about dragons and so this is a summary. If you're like, all right, Patty, enough about what you thought of it. What's it about? All right, so it's a fast paced Romantasy set in a war college where cadets train to become dragon riders. So very like Game of Thrones meets like, I can't even think, oh, how to train your dragon? How to like all these like. So it follows Violet Sorengale, who is forced from her path to being a scribe. All she wanted to do was be a scribe. She was in school to be a scribe, into training to become a Dragon Rider by her mother. Her mother is the one that tells her, no, you will not be a scribe. You're going to be in go into the Dragon Rider group. And her mother is the commanding general. Everybody tries to convince her that she's wrong. Violet is small and prone to injuries and, you know, not what you would consider a candidate for this. She's much more fragile than the other cadets, but she knows that death is just a heartbeat away. And yet she defeats the odds day by day while making friends and enemies along the way. So I did find it interesting the dragons talk, which, not gonna lie, I had a little issue with, but more like in her head, not out loud. Yeah, so that was tolerant. They have kind of like their own person. I'm telling you guys, like, this is just an area that I either love it or hate it. I. I found myself enjoying it surprisingly more than I thought I would. And by like half in, I was just like looking for times to keep listening to it because it was, it was really engaging. So that's the book of the week. And now with the quote of the week. This is a quote by me and my quote is friends don't let friends mask their adhd. So just a reminder, we need to be our true, authentic selves whenever possible because it takes a lot of energy to mask and we are too stinking brilliant to mask our true selves. Yeah, that's it for this episode. As always, love to hear anything that you want to share in the comments for the episode. I do respond to posts as soon as I notice them. Sometimes it's a little bit. But that's all for now. Until next time. Tallyho.