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- [00:01]
A
Hi, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patty, an ADHD coach and executive function coach and all around good egg. I'm sorry. Okay, this is episode 234. And in this episode, I'm gonna celebrate a knitting project. I am 95% done. And I'm also going to share a tip about an upcoming workshop to help you get started, something a lot of us struggle with. I don't have a product this week, which is kind of a celebration in and of itself, but I do have our main topic, which is are you struggling to finish tasks with adhd? Why? And, like, why that happens and what we can do about it. So let's get started. As always, we start with a celebration. And my celebration is that I have finished something. So I did finish it, and then I decided to add tassels. So that's the 5%. I'm not done yet, but I have been working on this blanket since August. Yep, it's April. It's my wilderness blanket. See if I can hold it up here. Wow. It is little bear. So cute. Claws with little claws all the way down. And then it just repeats down to the bottom. And I decided to add these little tassels at the bottom.
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B
So cute.
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A
Which I really talked myself out of for a long time. And then I just kept looking at. I was like, well, just start and see what you think. And I really am liking the tassel. So they're going to go at the top and the bottom. They're taking me forever. I wasn't able to finish it, finish it in time for this, but this is going to be a gift for my sister and her husband, and I'm going to see them tomorrow. They live in North Carolina, so I thought they have, like, a cabin in the woods, and I thought this would be, like, the perfect gift for their new cabin. And so I just finished the castles. Oh, my gosh. And I backed it, which I've never.
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B
I didn't see the back before.
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A
This was. It took me all day yesterday. I believe you and thank you for this. Checking this out because this is what holds me accountable, is I have to be able to share it because it's all about finishing things. And for me, accountability helps me finish. So that's why I planned to talk about this and I had to finish it. So because I'll be taking it with me. I can't record this another day with the blanket. So I wanted to hold it up and. Oh, my gosh, it does. It feels really, really.
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B
You can satisfying.
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A
It's a nice Heavy. But it was multiple trips to the fabric store to get fabric. I couldn't find the exact color. And I was just like, you know what? It's good enough. And that's. That's. One of our strategies we'll talk about is kind of like, what. What can you do to break out of perfectionism and finish? So we'll talk about that more in a minute. But that's my celebration, and I'm so excited. I think I'm going to try to put it in, like, a space bag. It's so big. I'm worried about just going for a few days. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, I don't want to check a bag and add to the cost of everything. So I'm like, oh, I'll have to figure out how I can it down. Yeah, maybe I'll, like, wrap myself in and put a coat on it. I don't know.
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B
Layer up.
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A
Yeah, I'll do something. But anyway, I did not purchase anything this week, and I don't have. Well, I bought the backing material, I guess I should say that. Which. It was nine. It was $10 for four yards because it was on sale. It's just brown fleece. So I. I got a pretty good deal. Actually. It was $20 because it was. I bought it. I had to go back. I didn't realize once I got two yards, it wasn't enough. I had to go back and get two more years, and I had to, like, make a seam and put them together because the blanket was so much bigger. And there was nothing I can do except a lot of work. Well, because, like, the width of the fabric wasn't. What. There's nothing I could do about it. It wasn't like I could just go and buy 3 yards, and now it's long enough. It also wasn't wide enough. So I was like, all right. Gonna have to make a seam and put it together. Which wasn't ideal, but I powered through. All right. On for my tip for this week, and it is the same tip I've shared because it is today, April 15, that I'm doing my first step. My first step. My first step lab. I'm cracking task initiation. So if you're checking this out the morning of the 15th, it is today at 1 Eastern, I'm going to be doing a live workshop on Zoom. It's only $39. You get a worksheet that's very practical and lets you capture your strategies. You'll have access to the replay. So if you can't attend live, you can still view the webinar recording once it gets posted there. And it's just helping to get past that. If starting a task feels impossible, if you have, like, something on your list you've been trying to do, you're not alone. Many of us, if not most of us with adhd, struggle with that. So we're going to learn simple strategies that help your ADHD brain to finally take that first step and break through to start. I know. So that's today. All right, so now for our main topic for this week. We are blowing through, and that is, are you struggling to finish tasks with adhd? I always think of it. Think of it as like, woman with ADHD finishes a task like. Like, it is magic when we finish things. If that resonates with you, you probably have a brain similar to mine where we start lots of things, but we have a hard time finishing. And in episode 227, I just want to share that I did focus on why starting can be so hard for us. And a lot of us can struggle with both, Right? It really depends on what it is. And today I want to acknowledge that starting is only half the battle. The other half is finishing. And finishing things requires, of course, multiple executive function skills. So we always want to highlight. It's not that we're lazy or we don't care. It's the literal skills behind. It's the executive function skills that are not showing up at the degree we need them to in order to meet the expectations. So we're here trying to get finished, and what we need is up here. So we've got to figure out how to level out that playing field so we can get finished. I got my nails done so pretty. You guys know, if you've been watching this every week on my YouTube channel, ADHD Friendly. I was holding off for my trip, right? And I'm loving this color so much. It's so satisfying. I'm really. Every once in a while I get a color done that I'm like. Like, I'm very distracted by my nails in a good way. Instead of like, oh, my gosh, they're like a toleration. I'm very tolerating it. Okay, sorry. Back to the topic. So I was saying that finishing things requires multiple executive function skills. We have to keep in mind what our goal is that we're trying to finish. We have to resist any of the distractions that are most likely more sparkly than those last little finishing bits, and we have to push through boredom. So I Always think of it. My. My first real example of this was the first time I tried to paint a room. And I remember for months, I still had the. The blue painter's tape around all of the windows and. And trim around the ceiling and the wall. And the bad thing that I didn't know at the time about leaving that stuff on so long, is it almost, like, cured to.
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B
To the wall.
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A
And so when I pulled it off, it pulled off, like, the primer underneath of it, and it just revealed the sheetrock and the bare, like, ceiling. And I was like, oh, I had no idea, because if you take it up right away, it just comes off. Yeah. But anyway, I left it on there for. Because the idea, like, everything was freshly painted and great, but I just didn't feel like peeling. The paint strips the. The tape off, and it just stayed and stayed, and people would come over. I'm like, yeah, I know I need to take that down. It. I've not done it since because it bothered me so much. And I knew if I lift it up, I wouldn't take it down. I became kind of hyper fixated on painting a room in one day, from start to finish, trimming it, and I learned I could.
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B
Yeah.
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But I was so exhausted at the end. But I knew if I waited till the next day, there was a chance I would take the tape down. So it's that finishing up the last. Like. Like, maybe you cook a great meal, but you don't want to put the dishes up and clean and all of that. So the other part that's impacted with our executive functions is, of course, our working memory, which I share all the time, is one of my biggest challenges. So we might, like, lose where we are, where we were in the process. Like, okay, what did I need to do to finish up? What part? I do that with knitting projects, if I put them down, I'm like, what. What was the pattern I was following?
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Sure.
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Was I changing needles? Like. Like, if I didn't put a note to why I stopped at this point, I will resist. I. I was talking about a sweater that I've not finished. It's been more than five years, literally. It was completely done. Listen to her laugh. It was completely done except the sleeves. When I put it on, they rode up a little bit. And I don't like that. I want my sleeves longer. Yeah. And so I had somebody help me take, like, they are cast off and everything. But when I was wearing it, I was like, every time I bent, my.
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B
My arms felt too short.
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Yeah. I was like, Nope. I've spent too much money on this Yarn's expensive, y'. All. Yeah. So I had somebody help me take out the cast off so I could put my needles back on more cuffs or after I got the help, I never touched it again. It's still sitting in a bin every time I go through my bins. Oh, yeah, that sweater. I really do need to. And every winter I'm like, this is the winter I'm going to wear this. Nope. So. And part of that is I have to go back and remember the pattern. And how many rows did I start? The one arm? Do I have to do both? What was I doing?
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B
Do you have the right color yarn?
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You need all of it? All of the above. So we'll lose our place, we'll forget the next step and we abandon tasks unintentionally. I didn't intend to put my, my sweater away. It just sat and then until I got tired of seeing it at some point. And then it went to a secondary location. Never go to a secondary location. And then it went into a bin where I can't even see it. So now it's out of sight, out of mind.
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B
So is it not in your happy.
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A
No, it's in a bin over on my plant shelf and it's all together in one space, which is good because it's really bulky. But yeah, I, I thought that was literally my, my pug is snoring. I thought it was a, a lawn person out like, like weed whacking or something. I was like, so if you can hear my pug, I'm sorry, she's, she's, she's just taking her a little morning beauty nap. Yeah, that's it. So remember, ADHD is an interest based nervous system. So we rely on things to be interesting in order for our brain to focus on them. So it requires interest, novelty, urgency. So I created the urgency for my blanket to finish because, oh my gosh, did I not want to back this thing at all because I've never done it. So I knew I was going to have to learn right how to do it. And it wasn't until I finally listed the steps, which you'll hear as one of the, the processes because we'll just think about, I don't even know what, I don't know. So we just resist it. So starting sometimes is interesting. So sometimes we'll start things and then have a difficult time finishing it, and other times vice versa. We have a hard time starting, but we have no problem finishing once we, once we get going so we can struggle in both areas for different reasons. It's just again, observing what's preventing me from finishing? What do I need to know? What do I need to do? What needs to happen so I can finish it? So some common ADHD examples of this are if you tend to pick up new hobbies and when you start a new hobby, you're like, oh my gosh, this is the best thing ever. And you're buying supplies and maybe you're taking a class or you've joined a group or whatever it is, and it's so interesting that it's all consuming and then all of a sudden something else is more interesting. So you've got all of these, like, jewelry making supplies, or. I know a lot of people do like, like glass windows. What is that called? Stained glass. Where, you know, apparently it's, it's very detailed and again, it can like really interest your brain. You get all these colors and you're making the pattern and then you're, you know, turning it into, to the stained glass. But we tend to move on before we finish. For me, in knitting, starting is difficult, but I can do that. Finishing is so hard because it's all of the. It's casting off and what size needle do I need to cast off on? And then it's, I have to weave in all of these ends and then I have to block it and I just don't care. I really would outsource that every time if I could. So the other challenge is time blindness. We don't have a good sense of how long it's going to take to do whatever it is we need to do to finish or we underestimate how much time it will take. So we, we might overestimate. We underestimate, or we just won't have a sense of the time period. So we struggle because that's another barrier for us. So, so here are some real life patterns of not finishing. So we avoid the final step. So we don't submit the homework, the article, the whatever. We don't put things away. So we finish the thing, but all of the supplies are out. So it's like, oh, my gosh, I have this great blanket. But now, like, there's, there is. The sewing machine is still on the table. The sewing box is still on the table. The. I did put the ironing board away and the iron, because that was in the middle, you couldn't walk past it. So that was like essential. But there's like threads cut all over the place. So I guess I shouldn't say I'm done because I am done with the blanket. Except for the, the tassels, the extra fabric, the, from the backing is still in a pile on the kitchen table. So I've not cleaned. That is definitely a challenge for me. Perfectionism is another pattern. So we'll overcomplicate the last step. I had everything done on this blanket except the border for about a month. And it was only. And I knew I was taking it for this trip. So since January, I was like, you've got to finish this before you go in April. You've got to finish this. That's your deadline. Well, then this weekend I realized I don't even know how long it's going to take to back it. Right.
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B
Because you've never done it.
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A
No. And, and of course I had to go to the store twice because I didn't, I didn't take time to measure the blanket to see how much fabric I needed. I just bought wall, parked it and assumed I did bring a, a couple of the strands to match the color the best I could. That was a win, but I did not measure it. So I had to go back again because, yeah, that's, that's that challenge. Another pattern is it will switch to something new. When that becomes boring or tedious, we'll move on to something else. And we also will finish everything except the one visible thing. So for me, I finished everything except the. I didn't do the border. That had to go back and pick up to do the border. And I haven't picked up stitches in a while. So I remembered it being tedious. It actually wasn't bad. But I, in my brain, I remembered it being like, I was like, oh. And it requires extreme focus. I can't really watch or listen to anything else because I've gotta really pay attention to make sure that I'm picking up in the right row and the right spacing and everything. And I resist that amount of focus. I like to just kind of get into it and just be able to kind of do it mindlessly. So those are some real life examples of why we'll have a hard time finishing, like, what it can look like. And for me, I have a lot of examples of not finishing. So as Becca knows, I've shared this before. I purchase things and then I don't mail. So, like, I'll purchase gifts for people and I'll even get them in a box, address it, but they will not get to the post office no matter what. Like, I've got all the other things done And I still will struggle to finish that last step and get it to the post office. I start puzzles and then they sit for a few months to a year longer. The one I have in there is now probably close to a year. And unfortunately, it got in the way of me doing my Christmas puzzle. I always do a peanuts Christmas puzzle every year, and I didn't have anywhere to put it. And I didn't feel like rolling that one up because I was like, you won't come back to it. Just finish it. And the challenge is, I don't want this puzzle. I want to be done with this puzzle. So I probably should just put the away. But anyway, I digress. I have tried to refinish furniture before and like, I'll sand it down and then that's it.
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B
That's still more than.
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It just sits in the. In the garage. So I've stopped. I've done that a few times or I. I'll like sand it, but I won't have the patience to make sure all of the. The sawdust is completely off. And then I won't want to seal it or, you know, it's like I just slap on the paint because I just want to be done. I did that for one of my kids dressers that I bought from yard sale, and it was solid wood and it was like, it was like from the 50s. It was in really good shape, but it was very dull. It had like the original, like just regular wood finish. So I sanded it all off and I painted it. And because I didn't do whatever, I don't know what I was supposed to do, but it stuck every single time. Every single time. I don't know. What if I tried to do too many coats before they try. I don't know what I did, but was a frustrating dresser to use, and yet we used it for years. So I actually. And this is what I want to highlight because I have lots of examples of me not finishing things. I needed to push back on that. And I started a section in my. If you again, this is definitely a highly visual episode. Check out my YouTube channel if you are listening to this to see all of the examples. But I have a whole section in my Expecto Pertunum journal, which is my visual success journal called I have it right there. Evidence I can finish because I need evidence that I can push back against that. I finish things and I saw. I have pictures of my holiday baking that I start with all of the supplies and then I turn them into cookies. And so it's Very satisfying. I have pictures of my kids birthday party invitations from when they were little that I always did. I have pictures of puzzles I finished because I can finish them. And of course, I have pictures of knitting projects I finished. This is the sweater, by the way, that I just referenced. So this was from 2020. So six, fall of 2020. So five and a half years ago, I finished this thing. Look, somebody, one of my friends modeled it for me where it was long enough on her, on her arms, because she's like five foot nothing. This is the sweater that's still sitting in the bin because I took the sleeves out because I have to make them longer. So I have. I have evidence I finished it. I just didn't finish it in a
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B
way that just yet.
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A
No, I can't wear it. Other people wear it. So anyway, I. That is definitely something that has helped me remember I can finish, but also remember what I need to do to finish. That works for me. All right, so. So let's talk about what we can do to finish. Yeah. So these are some ADHD friendly finishing strategies. So the first is. It sounds simple, but it's a game changer. Define what done looks like. So by that I mean when I thought about my blanket and what I still needed to do, I'm like, well, what does it look like when it's done? Like when I am ready to wrap it and put it in my bag to take with me. And I realized I still had to do the edging. This is about two weeks ago when I thought about this, and I have to. I have to pick up stitches and. And do the trim. I have to back it. And I wanted to do tassels. I came pretty close to not doing tassels because I was so done by the time I finished the backing yesterday that I was like, they'll never know that I could have had tassels because they wouldn't. But I decided to try a few. And I was like, damn it, they look great. They look really cute. I was like, I'm gonna have to do that. But defining what that looks like is how we get out of perfectionism. So for me, it's. The blanket could feel done, but is it because I'm like, I also didn't have to back it, but I knew if I gave it to them unbacked, it's kind of a waste of time because there's. I did so much color work that there's a good chance that it's going to get pulled. And.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So make what you need to do clear and then break it into steps. So for me, it was, you know, understanding. Like, okay, the first thing you have to do is pick up and finish the trim.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So that the border is done. The second strategy is add urgency. So for me, again, I had that urgency to get it done before my. My flight, because I know if this didn't happen before, I'm never going to mail it. We know that about me, and I. What am I going to do? Get there and be like, well, I was making you this blanket. I'm not quite done. Like, that felt so uncomfortable that I was like, no, you're going to finish it. So have a date, have accountability. Start a timer to get started. Be like, I'm going to see what I can do in 10 minutes, but create some urgency to begin and get it done, not to begin to finish. The third tip is to pair with a finisher. And by that I talked about how we can struggle to get started and we can struggle to finish. A lot of times we have a pattern around being one more than the other a little more strongly. Some people are good starters and finishers, but that's very unusual. Most of us are better at starting or better at finishing. We have a strength in one or the other. So maybe you can partner with somebody that's a good finisher or if you have trouble starting somebody that's a good starter for projects, they be. They require both things. So if you're really good at starting, but somebody else is really good at finishing, that can be something you can swap with. You be like, hey, if you'll help me start this, I'll help you finish that. Right. So, like, my husband, I taught how to knit a couple of years ago, and actually, I think, like, during the pandemic. So a few years ago, and he's really gotten good at it, but he hates starting. So I almost always cast on his work for him. I don't love casting on, but I don't care. Yeah, but. Yeah, but I have to tell you, if I could outsource finishing from, like, picking up the. The. And I'm not good at finishing, so I don't feel like my finishing steps are. I'm not good at paying attention to the details of the finishing, and I just don't, like, I feel like I can see all of the. It's not perfect. It's not even.
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B
It's not every single, like. Yeah, yeah.
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A
And there are. There are errors, and I know that. So I would love. Because I spend so much time on the main thing And I'm really like, it's. It's not perfect, but it's. It's pretty darn nice. I can ruin it with the finishing steps because I just don't care.
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B
So you could outsource that?
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A
Yes, I would. I would love to outsource it. Yeah. So pair with a finisher. If there is someone that you know that likes finishing things, you guys can swap off. Yeah. My next tip is to capture your finishing win. So just like in my Expecto Paternum journal, take a picture or write down what you did. It increases your awareness of evidence you can finish also what you need to finish. So it grows your awareness of your patterns so that the finishing becomes more rewarding, it becomes easier to finish because you know you can. And the patterns of what contribute to finishing become clearer, so you're doing it more consistently. So remember, finishing is a skill set. It's not about being too lazy to finish. It's about recognizing that your executive functions are. The skills are not where we need them to be to finish consistently and maintain that momentum. So looking at a strategy to help you do that so that you can finish what you start. All right, onto our book of the week. This was really. Oh, just. I picked it because it was a funny title. I see you called in Dead by John Kenny. I heard this mentioned on a podcast, and I was like, that sounds really funny. So this is about an obituary writer who one evening drinks a little too much and accidentally. Well, he doesn't accidentally write, but he writes a humorous obituary about himself, including things like, he was the former member of the Jamaican bobsled Olympic team, but then he posts it on his newspapers online site, and his life gets far more complicated and interesting once he's dead. Oh, that's funny. So I gave this four out of five stars. It was a quick, enjoyable read that I do recommend. Um, had some really funny parts that I, like, laughed out loud reading that. I always love when a book does that. So that's a good one. All right, so now I have a quote of the week. This is from Tut.com which offers a daily inspirational newsletter that I get every day. Every day. I don't. They used to, like, really move me all the time. They're always good. But I do still read them. But this was one I was like, oh, I have to share this one because this was really good. Okay, so this is what it's from. And this is what they said last week in one of their little daily newsletters. It said the difference between taking baby steps and acting small is that one prepares you for success and the other for a fall. Oh, so it's like, okay, even if you're taking baby steps, you're still moving forward. But if you're staying small and protecting yourself and not stepping outside your comfort zone, you're, like, expecting yourself to fail. So I thought that was appropriate. As we're talking about finishing, a lot of us will resist starting things if we don't trust ourselves to finish them. So I invite you to think about what would it look like for you? Like, what would you need to finish whatever it is you're struggling with or that you believe you'll struggle with, and explore some strategies to help you to do it with more ease. If you have finishing strategies that work for you that I haven't hit on, please share in episode 234 in the comments. Or if you've tried one of these, let us know how they work. We'd be curious to hear. That's it for this episode. Until next time. Tallyho.