ADHD-Friendly Podcast – Episode 228

The Goldilocks Rule for ADHD

Host: Patty Blinderman
Date: March 4, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode, hosted by ADHD coach Patty Blinderman, focuses on the "Goldilocks Rule" for managing schedules with ADHD: building routines that aren't too packed or too open, but just right for individual needs. Patty also shares personal social wins, a tip for decluttering board games, her product of the week, and a thought-provoking book review. The tone remains candid, encouraging, and practical, with plenty of personal anecdotes and actionable suggestions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Social Wins & Navigating Social Energy

[00:35 – 09:54]

• Celebrating Success: Patty reflects on achieving four social events in one week—a significant accomplishment for her as a self-described introvert.
  • Activities: Book club, knitting group (regular commitments), an owl program, and a calligraphy class.
  • Quote: “For me, that’s an awful lot. For some people… you always do four social things in a week. I next to never do because I don’t want to. And if I see that many things, I’ll cancel something. It just feels overwhelming.” – Patty [04:49]
• ADHD-Friendly Socializing: She emphasizes selecting meaningful social activities and scheduling recovery time:
  • "But I also picked activities that were really fun and interesting to me, so that I could maintain my energy and not get drained from so many things in a row." [02:54]
  • Strategies: Choose events that genuinely interest you, be selective, and allow downtime for recharging.

Product of the Week: Chi Helmet Head Hairspray

[09:54 – 13:14]

• Patty highlights her favorite hairspray (a stocking stuffer—Helmet Head Extra Firm Hairspray, Level 5).
  • Quote: “It works so well… my favorite thing, besides it working well—it smells so good, guys. I mean, it just smells so good.” [11:41]
  • She’s sensitive to scents, and this one passes her stringent test.

ADHD-Friendly Tip: Decluttering Board Games

[13:14 – 24:36]

• The Game Closet Dream: Patty shares her longstanding vision for a family game closet, the challenges faced due to varying ADHD impacts in her family, and the practical process of decluttering.
  • “My love of board games wasn’t shared by everybody in my family and certainly not for the same games and to the certain same degree.” [15:48]
• Decluttering Steps:
  • Step 1: Gather all games into one place.
  • Step 2: Ask, “Have we played this in the past year?”
    • If yes and enjoyable, keep it.
    • If unsure, create a “test pile” to decide within 1-3 months.
    • If no, donate or let go.
  • Step 3: Involve family/household to gauge interest.
  • Step 4: Limit by category (strategy games, card games, campaign games, etc.).
  • Step 5: Apply the "contain the collection" rule—keep only what fits in your designated space.
    • “My goal… was to take the games from three places they were in and pare it down to enough games that would fit into the one cabinet.” [22:06]
  • Pro Tip: Use self-accountability tactics (like recording the process).
• Thought Experiment:
  • Ask yourself: “Would I walk into a store and buy this game again today?” [19:41]
  • If not, it’s time to let go.
• Relatable Reality: Some games are never played because of complex rules or lack of shared interest—be honest about what’s truly enjoyable and accessible.

The Goldilocks Rule for ADHD: Balancing Routine & Flexibility

[24:36 – 37:18]

The Rationale

• Not too busy, not too open:
  • “It’s fitting your schedule to not only your brain, but your energy and your capacity.” [25:38]
• Too much: Leads to overwhelm via decision fatigue.
• Too little: Also causes overwhelm by lack of structure and clarity on what to do next.

ADHD & The Energy Cost of Decisions

• Every decision drains cognitive reserves.
  • “ADHD brains need to conserve cognitive energy… The less decisions we make, the less energy we’re draining, and the more we have to do the things we’re trying to do.” [29:47]
  • “Avoidance increases as we have to make more and more decisions.” [30:47]
  • Default Mode Decisions: When unstructured, we default to the easiest option, not always the best one for us.
    • “If there’s Oreos there, I might just have a few Oreos… because it’s simple, easy, and satisfying, but not what I planned and not what I wanted to do.” [31:45]

Supporting the ADHD Brain

• Additional Cognitive Effort: ADHD brains work harder during decision-making tasks compared to neurotypical brains.
  • “There’s more cognitive energy required for those same decisions…” [32:44]
• Structure as Freedom: Counterintuitive but true for ADHDers: Structure reduces overwhelm.
  • Quote: “We want to make just right structure because that feels like freedom.” [34:49]
  • Apollo 13 Example: Limited options foster creativity and relieve decision stress.

Goldilocks Strategies (Right-Sizing Your Schedule)

1. Pre-decide Routine Decisions
   • Eat the same breakfast, wear similar clothes, set up recurring routines to minimize daily choices.
     • “So find where you can pre-decide routine decisions so that you know when you do the thing or how you do the thing or with what because you’ve already decided it.” [36:07]
2. Create a Default Schedule
   • Anchor activities to specific days (e.g., “Wednesdays = library day”, “Friday = game night”).
     • “Creating a default schedule with things that are at consistent times during the week.” [36:33]
3. Find Your ‘Good Enough’
   • Set flexible yet clear boundaries on what’s enough for you—avoiding both over- and under-committing.
     • “Think about what is good enough for you that can help you hold a boundary…” [37:01]

• Decision Fatigue as Cognitive Load:
  • Overwhelm is often a function of too many choices—building just-right routine minimizes this.

Book of the Week: Here One Moment by Leanne Moriarty

[37:18 – End]

• Concept: On a flight, a woman predicts each passenger’s age and manner of death, and the predictions begin to come true.
• Reflection: “I love books that make me think—How much would I believe that? How much would I let it influence me?” [39:07]
• Rating: 4.5 out of 5 – For thought-provoking plot and engaging writing.
• Notable Quote from the Book:
  • “Everyone loves a particular version of you, and when that person is gone, that version goes with them.” [39:31]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Because for me, that that’s an awful lot. For some people, you might do four social things in a week or in a day, and that’s not a big deal… I next to never do because I don’t want to.” – Patty [04:49]
• “If you lost it, if it got damaged, if pieces were missing and you can’t play without them, would you buy the game again?” [19:41]
• “Every single decision we make requires energy. So the less decisions we need to make, the less energy we’re draining from our reserves, and the more we have to do the things we’re trying to do.” [29:47]
• “We want to make just right structure because that feels like freedom.” [34:49]
• “Everyone loves a particular version of you, and when that person is gone, that version goes with them.” (Here One Moment, quoted at [39:31])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Social Wins: 00:00–09:54
• Product of the Week: 09:54–13:14
• Board Game Declutter Tip: 13:14–24:36
• Main Topic – The Goldilocks Rule: 24:36–37:18
• Book of the Week & Closing: 37:18–End

Final Takeaways

Patty wraps up by encouraging listeners to experiment with strategies for right-sizing routines, to share their own tips, and to be gentle with themselves in the process. The episode blends practical advice with personal honesty, making it a relatable and resource-rich listen for anyone managing ADHD or supporting someone who does.