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Hi, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patti. I'm an ADHD and executive function coach and I'm here to support you to struggle less and thrive more with your ADHD. This is episode 235 and today I'm going to share a knitted blanket win that I'm super excited about a picture. So if you're listening to this, check out the YouTube channel ADHD Friendly. I'm also going to share a tip how to spend. Spend less when you're out physically shopping in a store. And I have a product of the week I'm going to share that's related to the blanket and the trip. And then our main topic for today is the real reason you don't follow your to do lists. So I know there's a lot of good stuff in here. Let's jump in. All right, so as always, we're going to start with my celebration, and that is this past week, I went on a long planned sisters trip where I went and visited my sister in North Carolina. And I have been working on a blanket. Her and her husband just finished this cabin in the woods. It's literally a cabin in the woods, and I mean quite literally. And I've been working on it because they have a lot of bears in Asheville and I thought this would be super cute. So I took a few pictures. So this is just like laying across the sofa there, Becca, a picture of just trying to get the. The fringe. I was so happy I did the fringe. It made a huge difference. So they're little bare paw prints on the, in blue on the bottom and on the top and then in the middle in brown. And those were the, fortunately the colors of the furniture. So now I took a picture of it on the back of the sofa in their cabin. Fold it up where you can just see the fringe going across. That's the length of the blanket. And then I folded it a little bit differently so you could see the pattern and it just came out so pretty. She loved it. She's claimed it as hers, so I don't think her husband is going to get many chances to use it. But it took. I've been making it since August. I honestly, I probably started very beginning. I got it, the yarn towards the end of August. So I'm going to say I started in September. And it took close to 200 hours counting. I backed it, which I had to learn how to do. I'd never done that before. And then even just the fringes took about four hours. So it was, it was a A time commitment, but really enjoyed it. And I have to say, once I backed it, I was like, okay, this is really quite lovely to lay under because I did use it at the cabin a few times and I was like, it is just like a very nice weight and have to. It was really comfortable. Yeah. So really, really enjoyed it. So that's my celebration that I used that date as motivation because I had to bring it with me. Because you guys know if you listen to this podcast, I don't shift things. So I had a really strong urgency to get it done and I was working on it up until the night the day before so I could finish it and take it with me on the plane. Which leads me to my purchase this week, which is also my product of the week. I went on Amazon and I bought Hefty. So I usually use space bags because I wanted to shrink it down as much as I could to fit it in the suitcase. And I found a product called the Hefty Max Hefty, like the Hefty trash bags, the shrink pack, vacuum seal storage bags. So I know so you can see they're, they're this black. They're not the see through like the space bags are. They came in three sizes. One large, one extra large and one jumbo in this three pack. And the three pack was 24.97 on Amazon when I purchased them. And so it came lovely folded like in a small, tiny. Of course, like it's like crazy that things are going to work. But I didn't use this guy. He was still folding nice and neatly. But I did use these. So I'm just going to hold it up and show you what they look like. They're nice and thick. Yeah. And here's the beauty of them. They, they have the directions on them, which I thought was super smart. And they can be used either you just open the valve. It has a little open shut valve. And once you have whatever you're storing, you know, blankets, seasonal clothes, when you're traveling your, your items that you're taking with you also good for like dirty clothes. Yeah, totally. When you're done so you can just push down and get the air out or you can use a vacuum nozzle. So either or. Which I love. So you didn't have to depend on somebody having a handy little, little vacuum attachment that you could suck the air out. So I like that I had the option and I was able to fit the blanket and I used another one for all of my clothes in my carry on. It was a tight Squeeze. I'm not gonna lie. But it was a big blanket, as you can see from the picture. So to fit it, I was really adamant I was not spending any more money to check the bag. So I thought I'd rather invest in travel space kind of bags and reuse them than just pay one time to ship to check a bag. So these performed really well. And I did use them the entire trip for clothes for. I designated after I took the blanket out, one for dirty laundry. And I even had a little extra space in my bag. I bought a new. Which isn't on my list because I just got back and I just bought it. But I did buy a new woodpecker bird feeder that I got in a cute little shop in Asheville that it's shaped like a cardinal, but it had like a wide belly to fit the little, like, cakes into. And so it was a little bulky, but it fit because I had it. You know, I was able to kind of replace the blanket size, even though that was metal and not shrinkable. I had the space with the hefty bags to make room for it to bring it back too. Yeah. Because I didn't say this, but my squirrels took the little woodpecker feeder. So this one's much larger and heavier. And I don't believe the squirrels could even do that. Yeah, they. They took it. I found it finally. I didn't. I had to go and find, like, search the whole yard to find it because I was like, where am I? Like, it wasn't even hanging. It was completely gone. So I bought a larger one squirrel. I'm trying to keep ahead of them. They're winning sometimes, I gotta tell you. They're. They're persistent little things. But I bought that little feeder. I think it was $25, which was in my budget for my little souvenir things when I was shopping. So. And very useful. And I already have it up. And I enjoyed watching the woodpeckers love it. They're really enjoying it. All right, so that is my update celebrations. And now for my tip for this week. And my tip is, if you're going to the grocery store and you're trying not to buy things impulsively, you're trying to stick to your list, stick to what you went in for. You're just going in to grab a few things. Don't get a full size cart. So literally, think about it. When we talked about organizing, we talked about, like, let the space. Space define what you're storing and how much you're keeping. Yeah. In the grocery store, it might be, I'm gonna carry a basket. Anytime I carry a basket, I am absolutely not buying a bunch of things because I hate carrying a basket. It hurts my arm. I don't last very long. I don't like to pick it up, put it down, pick it up, put it down. I'm not enjoying it. I do want to just push the car and relax and wander, but then I have lots of space to add things to. If I'm in the grocery store, I will use one of the smaller push carts. Yeah. So that it's limiting how much size I have to shop with. One of the things that I. I've known about this for a long time, and I try to be mindful about it when I'm shopping. Like, it. You know, like a Target kind of store. But the most extreme example I have ever heard of this is I listened to a podcast by Clark Howard about how to, like, spend less and save more and be in control of your money. And he is obsessed with Costco, but he will only go into Costco and buy what he can physically hold in his hands, which I think is so extreme, because Costco, I'm thinking, like, you might need, like, the flatbed part or something instead. Or, like, maybe both of you are pushing a cart because everything's so bold. Yeah. And he's like, you know, I limit myself by only what I can carry. I'm like, all right, well, if you get paper towels, you're done. Like, that's pretty. Paper towels and maybe, like, a gallon of milk. And you're like, you're done. Like, water bottles. Like, I don't know how, or like, a case of anything. I don't know. But when you just think about what is my intention is my intention to, you know, spending spree. And I need the bigger, the better to hold everything. It is your intention to get in and get out with what's on your list so that you're not buying things that maybe your future self will have to pay the price because it didn't fit in your budget or it wasn't what you're intended. Or maybe you're. If you're, like, grocery shopping, you're buying more of those. Like. Like, right now. The last time I went in a store, all the Easter candy was on sale. Like, I don't need any more, like, clearance candy, because I'm gonna eat it. So keeping the size of the item that you're shopping with either your hands or a basket. Love it. So you're not doing the Full on cart and making room for everything. All right, that's my tip. I know it's a simple one, but it's sometimes helpful just to remind ourselves because we get into these patterns and these habits where we just go in, grab the cart and go. And then we end up with, you know, things that it's like, oh, I've still got more room in here, you know, keep adding to it. All right, so now we're going to talk about the problem with to do lists. And it can be a real challenge. I know this in my own life, but I also know it because it comes up in almost, I'd say, more than half of my clients I've worked with, both in my groups, in my membership and one on one. Managing task lists is pretty universally challenging for those of us with ADHD brain wiring. So to do lists in theory should work, right? It's like we're externalizing the list we're not keeping in our head. So it makes sense because that's often what is recommended. Get it out of your head and into a list. So the information that our brain is struggling to hold onto is now in an external form. And it helps our brains to look at it, remember it, organize it, prioritize our tasks. But adhd, they often just don't work as intended because the ADHD piece changes the equilibrium that we're working with. So it doesn't mean that they can't work. It just means we need to look at what we're doing and what would work for our brain to keep up with what we're trying to do on that list. So remember, ADHD impacts our executive functions. So things like our metacognition, which is our ability to be aware of what our own patterns are and what we're doing, being able to take initiation, to literally start to plan, to prioritize, to manage our time, to use our working memory, which is holding that information in mind while we're using it. So we, even if we have a list, might resist looking at the list. We might forget the list exists, we might forget where we put the list. There's a lot of challenges. It's, it's not just write it on the list and it magically gets done. Wish it was that simple, but it's not. So they're challenging because they are often out of sight, out of mind. So we write it down, but it's not where we can see it. So if we can't see it, it doesn't exist. The working memory piece, I do this all the Time, I will write a list. I will take it with me. It'll be in my pocket. I'm walking around the store. I've even tried the. Okay, before you leave, just look at the list. Right? But then I have to remember to look at the list. So I'll resist looking at it because it feels like I wrote it down. I don't need to look at it now. I'm going to remember it, and I've got it. So it's there if I need to look at it, but I don't think I need to. And I will talk myself out of looking at it. So we tell ourselves, oh, I remember it. I've got it. I don't need to look at it. I don't need to check it. We have no system for the list. So if this sounds like you, you are not alone. We have many lists. We have scraps of paper. We have lists on our computer, lists on notebooks, lists in our car, lists on your phone, on your phone, lists on the kitchen counter, you know, grocery list, task list, errand list, home lists, you know, things to do at work, things to do it. They're everywhere. And we tend to just like, grab something in back of the envelope, kind of just write it down, and then we can't remember. And then we'll resist even going because it's a ball. I don't know. I. I've got a bunch of lists going. So we don't have one single list, and that means we don't trust the list. So we need to look at what's creating that list. Overwhelm. Right. So if we have too many things on the list, we also won't want to look at it. It's too long, it grows, we avoid it, and we shut down. We also create unrealistic lists. So it's this. Well, I don't know. It's on my list. I'm going to get it done. This happens a lot with my college students particularly. I'm like, well, tell me what that time looks like that you have to get that done. Well, it's just going to have to happen. I'm like, I hear that. I totally get it. How do you know it's possible to get that done in the time you actually have? Because our brains feel like they'll stretch time. It's like we have this urgency where. So we're just going to get it done because we need to, right? But that the reality of time isn't going to stretch to accommodate what we have on our list. And what needs to get done. We also don't account for how much energy we need. So I always say, like, we have a list and maybe we looked at, yeah, I got enough time. I know how long these take. I've got the time. We are counting on showing up completely ready, physically motivated, energized, willpower in place the entire time to get through the list. That is often a form of perfectionism. That is not how our brains work. We show up and we're like, oh, that's right. This list I was so excited about when I made it. Yeah. Not excited about it all now that I'm expecting myself to do it. Yeah. We have a hard time deciding where to start. So we have a hard time getting started. We're not quite sure where to start or what to do first or if it matters. And again, all those decisions will resist it. And then there's an emotional weight that can come with the list where if we don't get things done, the list feels almost like it's judging us. It's this evidence that, well, I had all of these plans and these big hopes to get all these things done, and there's nothing on this list or there's like one or two things I've checked off and we're not able to acknowledge the progress that we made and that we got those things checked off and celebrate them. We judge everything that didn't get done. That can lead to a shame spiral, a guilt spiral. Lots of evidence that we don't do what we're intending to do. If that's something that feels familiar to you, I want to underline. We are not lazy. It's not that we don't care. It's not that we aren't motivated or we can't be relied upon. The lists have to become ADHD friendly for our brains. What works for me, there's a good chance won't work for you. What works, Rebecca may not work for me or work for you. Finding. And I just got really distracted because her nail polish matches her. Her sweatshirt quite perfectly. I mean, like, stinking perfectly. I'm like, oh, that's really well done. Okay, sorry. Reining it in. So we have to make them work for us. So it's not the to do lists. Don't like. If you, like, listen to the first five minutes you signed off, it's like, yeah, Patty said they don't work, so I'm not even going to make a list anymore. That's not my message. My message is they do work. If we find the way that works for us. So what does an ADHD friendly list look like? As with everything I share, I invite you to notice what sparkly, what feels possible. Don't try to change everything at once. Just notice. Okay? If there's one thing I want to do, it's this one thing. Don't try to do everything and pick what's sparkly. Okay? So the first thing is have one list, one home that you're writing things down. Pick one place for it, whether it's a notebook, an app, if you're doing it digitally, a whiteboard. Pick one place that your brain trusts that it's on the list because you put it there and you know where it is. I have a couple of examples I wanted to share just because I thought about how I've done to do lists over the years. And the main one that I wanted to highlight is these little spiral steno notebooks. I have done these. The first one goes back to 2017, and I stopped in, like, 2021 when I started making my own daily planners, which is where I write things now. But I used to find it, and it's so funny because I now have another one out. I'm like, oh, maybe I'll go back to this a little bit because it was so sparkly and it worked for so many years. But I would write down my task for the day, and I put a little line and I would check them off when they were done, and then whatever didn't get done at the end of the day. So I wasn't looking at the list over and over. Right. I would turn the page and write it on the next page. So it forced me to think about, like, okay, if that didn't get done, I'm gonna have to write it down again. And why didn't it get done? So there's just a. A example of what this could look like is what I really wanted to highlight. So they're like these little snow books. And over time, I started creating, like, the daily to do list. And then in the very back, I would have my comprehensive to do list. So if it was something I wasn't getting done that day, I had a place to capture it and it was all in one space. So again, one home for your to do list. So I'm. I'm sure that was a question swirling in your heads, because that's what everybody says, well, that's great for the day, but what am I doing with the things that I'm not doing until Friday or next week or next month or yeah. So it's, it's your comprehensive list can live in the same place. Notice sensitivity. So I remember when I did this yellow one. It was the only time I did yellow. If you look, all of the other ones ended up on white paper. I didn't like the way it kind of muted the colors I was using and it didn't stand out as much. Yeah. So I didn't go yellow again. It was sparkly at first because it was a different color. I've even tried the ones that come in like pink and light blue. I really just like white. White for the, for the, for the contrast behind it. As much as I like to change up colors, I noticed I really just want to change up the color I'm writing with, not, not the paper color. But again, noticing what works for you is really important. The next thing to consider about an ADHD friendly list is keeping it what I call ism, ISIM insight in mind. So remember, out of sight. Out of mind means it doesn't exist. It's gone. So whether it's. What I loved about these is they were always open to the next day and always lived on my desk so I could come in and see, oh, this is what I'm doing today. And it was very clear I didn't have to open. I have a lot of resistance to opening something, whether it's a hamper, lid, my journal, everything needs to already be open so I can see it. That's a knee sensitivity. Notice what works for you. So it's open on a desk, on counter, table, wherever you're going to see it. If you're doing it on your phone or on your computer, have it open on your computer screen. Yeah. So it's always visible. Or maybe on your phone lock screen so you can see it. Visibility equals usability. Out of sight, out of mind is a real thing for us. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Keep it visible. The third tip is to have three to five things max. I don't always succeed with that, but I really do try. Because the thing is you can add more things to your list if you finish them. But if you add more than you're able to get done or check off, it really drains our energy. So it can create that overwhelm resistance. So keep it to what absolutely has to get done. And then you can always add more to your list so it reduces your overwhelm, increases your ability to follow through. And again, you can be flexible. You can add more to your list if you finish them. And you're like, oh, I've got more time, I can do more. You've got those in your leader list or your comprehensive list. The next is to ID the small steps. So sometimes we write things on our list that are actually multiple steps. We can't just do it. It's not like throw the trash out. Maybe it's okay, well throw the trash out means I have to walk around and collect the trash and get more bags to replace the bags or whatever it is it might be. I have to call the my Internet provider. What's the number? Am I going online? Am I chatting? What's the information I need to make sure I have available? Right, the help. Exactly. So break it down into those small steps so that you can do the thing on your list and get it checked off. Where if it's one thing and you realize you have resistance, it might be because there's multiple steps for the one thing that you've listed on your task list. The other thing to consider is time estimates. So I was looking back and I did do time estimates for some of these, but not often. I do time estimates more and more lately. I find that they give me motivation to get through my list because I can see like, oh, it's 9:30, I could get these done by 11. I've got that time, I can see it. But time estimates are something again to notice. Where would they be helpful and when do you want to add them? I use time circles. So I just draw a circle and color in just like you would a clock face how much time it'll take. So half of the circle colored in is 30 minutes. The whole circle colored in is an hour and then vary it from there. It makes the time visible. So you can literally go through your list and add it up and be like, oh, I'm estimating. And remember, we tend to underestimate how long things will take. I'm estimating I'll need three hours to get this done and I don't have three hours. I'm leaving in an hour for work. Like I'm not going to have time to do this and I get home late tonight. I've got, you know, plans, whatever that can be really helpful and help you prioritize. It's like I don't have the time to even get these things done and now I have to look at my list and see what, what can I let go until tomorrow. Seeing the time helps you to make those decisions. And having like little 15 minute time circles can help you see like, oh, I'VE got just a little block of time. Is there anything on my list I can get done? You have to read the whole list. You can just look. Oh, yeah, here's a 15 minute task. Here's a five minute task. I can just go do that. The next thing to consider is if you need any task initiation triggers. So for that, I mean, maybe just set a five minute timer to start where you give yourself permission to begin, but not to do the whole thing if you have resistance. Or maybe you're like, okay, I'm gonna have a hard time getting that done. I'm gonna use a body double for that. Or turn on music. If, like, for me, if I'm like laying in bed and I'm having a hard time getting up, this is more like a weekend thing. If that happens for me, I. Music will do it. I'm like, oh, it's like upbeat, happy music. I'm gone. Remember, the list doesn't get you started. The system gets you started. Okay. And then my next tip is to prioritize to remove those decisions. So for me, it's. It might be like, okay, I'm going to feed the dogs and then I'll make the copy. So that's what I'm doing first. And then maybe if I do like a what I do now, what I do next, what I'm doing later to make it sparkly. Which is one of the reasons why I initially went to these, because they have the columns so I could do now and later kind of list. So my now might be feed the dogs, make coffee, and the later might be tidy the counter and shower and dress. So it's literally helping me to prioritize by the structure that I'm finding inherently in the list format I'm using. The next tip is to use external prompts. So set an alarm, schedule a calendar alert, or use a visual prompt like a post it on the door, on the mirror. Some of you're going to see it. When I was traveling last week, I'm in a different time zone because I went from Chicago to North Carolina. I'm completely out of my element. But I still had to do my first Friday webinar. Right. For. And I know that's not lining up with the time because we do these two weeks early. But my first Friday webinar happened while I was traveling and I'm so I had nothing else. I was able to schedule everything else. Yeah. Before I left or after I got back. That was the only live thing I had to show up for. And I was so disconnected from time and schedules that I set an alarm on my phone to go off on Friday at 11am Eastern to remind me that I had a webinar in an hour so that I wasn't going to be, like, out for lunch or, you know, on a long walk, that I'm like, it's going to take us 30 minutes to get back and I'm going to be all sweaty. It just settled my brain to know I could set a reminder and I could let go and enjoy the time knowing I had a reminder scheduled to remind me of what was coming up. Add rewards. That's always one of my favorite and one of the ones I know a lot of the people I work with have resistance for. But a reward can be as simple as having. You can see on this day, March 1, 2018, nothing got checked off. I'm not quite sure why, but having a line or a box that you can check off is literally activating your reward center in your brain. So it's giving your brain that dopamine hit. Seeing your progress, checking it off is very motivating. So that's. That's a simple reward. Or it could be checking in with somebody to let them know that you've started or you finished something like you said you would. I have students that will send me a screenshot that something was submitted. Love it. Or they'll text me when they get a grade back or they finish something. It's just, you know, a way to stay connected. Yeah. Stay on track. Or maybe you have a word when you're done. Like, okay, when I'm done, I'm gonna go get a fresh cup of coffee. I'm gonna. I'm gonna finish by 11 so I can get ready and go to lunch with my friend, knowing I'm done with what I need to get done. Rewards don't have to be physical. I'm gonna go buy myself this. They can be little things you would do anyway, but you're structuring it as what you get to do because you finished the thing you were trying to get done. An added benefit of lists all in one place is that you have evidence of what you finished. There's a reason I hold on to things, because I don't have a lot of evidence in my memory of things I finished. These help me remember things. What worked, what did I get done? It's almost like a little journal to go back in time and see. One of these is when I was moving to Chicago. And so I have all of these. These things that I had to get done as we were preparing the house and going house hunting. And it's really interesting how much it can take my brain back to that point in time. And it almost serves as like a little like journal for me. It also helps build self trust and momentum because you have evidence that, yeah, this format is what's working for me to do. Lists do the work for our brains because we've externalized them into there. And when they're designed to match how our brain works, then we're able to thrive with our list and get them done. Instead of being frustrated and believing that lists don't work for us, they do when we pay attention to what we need to make them work for us. So. So I invite you to just notice. How are your lists working for you? If you would change one thing, what would that one thing be? And if you want to share, this is episode 235. Would love to hear how you're using to do lists. If you tweak what you're doing, what works, what you're noticing, we all learn from each other. So would love to hear anything that comes up for you around how you get things checked off a little bit more easily with your to do lists. All right, now for the book of the week. My sister and I decided to do a two person, like a sister book club for this trip. So we picked this book and it was so funny because I got there and I was like, okay, I'm only 80% done. I read it on the whole flight there, everything, and I still had like 80. I had 20% left to finish. But I'm like, but I'm going to finish it. While I'm here, we can talk about it. And she was like, are you talking? She's like, we had a book to read. It's all good. I'm still going to finish it. But it was a book I was meaning to read for a long time. I actually physically purchased it. But my library books have like so much more urgency. Or when I get like an advanced book from NetGalley, I have to read it before it comes out and write a review. So I still get books when I request them. So when I physically purchased it, it just had this. I can read that anytime. There's no urgency. Yeah. I asked her if we could do this book for the book club because I've been trying to read it. So it still worked for me to get it read. So it's Girl Braiding Her Hair by Marta Molnar. And she also is the author of The Secret Life of Sunflowers, which I've also shared. So this is the second book in this series and this one is another historical fiction novel about the life of the artist Suzanne Aladon, who is shown here. She was a model for famous painters like Renoir and Degas, but she was also an artist herself. Herself. And she was an artist at the same time. All of those famous impressionist, Van Gogh, all of them were doing their most famous work and she was very well known in those circles. She was friends with them. Her works were, you know, in that same vein. But of course, back then, it was at a time that women faced many barriers to attending art school. And if you didn't attend art school, you weren't seen as a real artist and your works wouldn't get displayed and shown in, in galleries and shows. And women weren't taking their art, wasn't taken seriously. So she was really a mover and a shaker back in that time. Yeah. Like a pioneer. Yeah. And so I found it really interesting to read about her. I did like the Secret Life of Sunflowers book a little bit better. That one was about Van Gogh's sister in law, but still really enjoyed this one. So you get three and a half out of five stars. Definitely an interesting read if you like historical fiction. One to check out. All right, and now we are there. We are at our quote of the week. And this week's quote is from Abraham Lincoln. Thanks, Abe. Abraham said, whatever you are, be a good one. Oh, simple. Like, if you're an artist, be a good artist. If you're a coach, be a good coach. Like, it just. My dad used to always say, if you have to do it anyway, you might as well do your best. And I know, like, he was always talking about school, like, if you have to be there, you might as well do the best you can. And that didn't kick in for me until I was in college. Sorry, I was, I was a, you know, late bloomer when it came to that. But I do try to think about that when I'm doing things. I'm like, if I have to do it, I might as well do my best. So he says, whatever you are, be a good one. Which is just, you know, resonated with me. It's just, you know, what if you're, if you're doing something, be good at it, work at it, try hard. All right, that's it for this episode. 2:35. Until next time. Tally ho.