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Hi and welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patti. I am an ADHD and executive function coach, and I spend a lot of my free time looking for ways to create more ease for my life. And I love to bring those tips here and share them with you in the hopes they do the same for you. Just released my computer is sitting crooked. I apologize if you're looking at my video on Zoom while I fix this. That would drive me crazy. I think it's even now. All right, this is episode 246. And in this episode, as always, I'm going to kick that off with a celebration tied to alarms. Then I'm also going to show show. I'm going to. Well, I am going to demonstrate an ADHD friendly tip about friction to get you thinking about what is it that creates and lessens friction. And my product of the week is tied to that. And then we'll dive into the main topic, which is why ADHD brains need external systems. So let's dive in. All right, let's kick it off with my celebration, and that is that I've shared in my previous few episodes how I was going on vacation, and there were so many wins in that. But there have been some challenges after being away reconnecting to systems and routines. And as I learned long ago from my mentor coach, we have good systems until we don't. Which means that our systems just sometimes fall off without us even recognizing it wasn't a decision. We just wake up or, you know, start doing something one day and realize, wait a minute, I forgot. I'm not even doing that anymore. Or we'll forget we ever did it. We'll find, like an old, like list. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I forgot. I used to keep track of things this way. Well, my iPad alarm system to support me to get up and start my morning routine fell off because I turned it off. So it wasn't going off while I was on vacation because I did not bring it with me. And then it took a week and a half for me to realize, why am I still laying in bed hitting my snooze over and over and over? And it was making my morning routine start later, which was impacting the rest of my day. And I suddenly realized I never turned that alarm back on. And that alarm works because it wakes everybody else up. So I'm very motivated to get to it before it goes off. So I realized it. I turned it back on. I hate it still, but works like a charm. Gets me up because I don't Want it to go off. So think about that as I go through this next thing. That leads me to my tip for the week. So I'm not going to share the product yet because it is tied to my tip for this week. So let's start with the tip. And my tip is to experiment with ways to reduce friction to make your habits sustainable. So, like, I just shared with my habit of turning my alarm on in on my iPad that I keep in my bathroom that works without friction because I don't have to do anything except set it and it removes all of that friction that I have with my snooze and wanting to get up. And I just am like, oh, I'll just hit the snooze again. I don't want to get out of bed yet. I'm going to use a really simple, common routine that we all do or try to do, and that is brushing your teeth. So we're going to look at it from a friction through that friction lens. So when you think about it, it's toothpaste, your toothbrush, you're ready, right? A simple thing like where you keep your toothpaste can increase or reduce friction. So if it's on the counter ready to grab, that's pretty simple. If it's in a cabinet you need to open to remember, that's an extra step. If it's in a drawer that's hard to open or that gets jammed, that's an extra step. So literally thinking about what can I do to reduce friction in this one routine? So this is my example. You can take it and put it in any other routine that you are noticing you're having a hard time consistently keeping up with so that you're making it easier to start. It's really about getting past that starting hurdle. So if out of sight, out of mind creates friction for you, explore ways to keep it inside in mind. If you don't like it on the counter, maybe you can find a nice little organizer that you could tolerate that would, you know, kind of keep things organized in a way that works for you that fits on the counter space you have. Or if you have a drawer that's sticking, maybe there's something you could do to create ease with the way that drawer opens and closes so it's not creating friction for you. The other really simple example that I have with this is think about your toothpaste container itself. So I've got a couple of different, like, travel size options here that I wanted to highlight this with. This type is my least favorite and that's because I have to unscrew it, which this one was even harder to unscrew. I then have to put it on my toothpaste and then I have to screw it back on. Sounds simple, but I hate it. It is very high resistance for me to do this process. I always, even as I'm saying it, think, okay, a neurotypical quote unquote brain might hear that and go, what are you talking about? You just take the cap off, you put the toothpaste on, you put the cap back on, you move on. I have a lot of resistance for this. I have less resistance for this because this is a flip top. Simple to open, simple to close. It took less time. Granted only a fraction of a second, maybe less time or you know, maybe one second shorter, but that one second in my brain creates resistance so that's easier. Here is my favorite. So this is also my product of the week. So I'm going to get the name of it so I can tell you while I'm demonstrating it. They're self closing toothpaste caps. They come in a six pack by Tilcare. This is what I got from Amazon. They are 7.99. I think I may have printed this during Amazon days. I'm not sure. Regularly they are 8.99. So still six of them, a little more than a dollar each. That's like a dollar. I don't know, I can't do the math. $40, something like that with tax. Anyway, these little cap guys are a game changer. So you take the screw cap off and you replace it with the guy who has a little screw inside that's made to go on that. She just have to push it and turn it. It's self closing. So this little gap in here keeps the toothpaste enclosed. But when you squeeze it, the toothpaste comes out, you put it on your toothbrush, you're done. You don't have to open it, you don't have to close it. It's like my happy little resistance buster for brushing my teeth. So think about your routines where you're noticing resistance. And instead of judging that you have resistance, explore what would lower that resistance. What could I do to make this 1% easier? Right? Something little that would make a difference. That's my tip for today. To reduce friction as an opportunity to explore ways to experiment. If you have a way that you've used your creative brain to reduce friction with tooth brushing, any area of oral hygiene or anywhere else, this is episode 246. Please share. We all learn from each other. And next week's episode, just a little teaser is all about how to look at the hidden role of resistance with ADHD brain wiring so that we can manage our systems with more use. All right, that is my tip and my tool for the week. Done. Invested. I think I got that phrase right. I'm always saying these things wrong. Okay, now for my main topic for this week, and this is why ADHD brains need external systems. So I very strongly remember walking around repeatedly repeating things so I would not forget them. If I'm going from point A to point B in my house and see if in the family room to the kitchen, I am saying over and over again, get the plate and a napkin. Get a plate and a nap. Like, whatever it is, I am repeating it so I don't forget it. I knew once I stopped doing that I would get to the space and be standing there with the deer like that looked like a deer in the headlights with. I don't even remember why I'm in this space. Why did I come in here? So if I don't keep repeating it, it's gone. So especially if I'm going from like one area to another, that change in transition will absolutely wipe the slate clean and I'll forget. Then one day, while I was trying to remember, I had to go a little bit longer and I was really afraid I was going to forget. It was something I had to do upstairs and I was downstairs. So I moved a ring on a different hand to a hand I don't normally wear it on. I think the first way I did this, actually, I moved my watch to my opposite wrist. And it basically always has to do with jewelry from that point on. Usually, you know, just hand based. So I'm seeing it. Or I'll take an elastic and put it around my wrist that I don't let myself move back until I've done the thing. It every once in a while, I will forget what the thing was, but that is very, very rare. Putting the thing, the ring on the different finger, the watch on the different wrist is often enough to anchor what it is I need to do. And it drives me crazy so that I want to go do it so I can put the thing back where it belongs because I don't like the ring on the wrong finger and vice versa. So all of us with ADHD brain wiring spend a lot of effort and energy trying to keep things in mind and remember them. And the challenge is that our brains don't function very well when we're Doing that, it's not very efficient to use it as a filing cabinet or a storage vessel. So we want to externalize our brain as much as we can by getting things out of our head into a list, into an external system that your brain can depend on, because it's not going to just, like, vaporize and go away like it does so often if we try to keep it in our brain. So some easy examples are if a date needs to be added, go ahead and add it to the calendar, Add it to an app, Write something on your checklist, add it to a whiteboard. If there's, like, a family task that comes up, have sticky notes nearby. I have them in my car. I have them in my purse. I have them in my knitting bag. I need to be able to write things down quickly. And I will stick them on top of my. My water bottle because it goes with me everywhere. And I won't let myself take it off. Kind of like with the ring. I will let myself get rid of it until I've done the thing. Use a timer or an alarm that will go off when you arrive in the place you need to do the thing or at the time you need to do the thing. I'll set an alarm, like in the kitchen. I'll set the kitchen timer for something that will make me get up. If I'm like, okay, I don't want to be sitting here for longer than 10 minutes. I need to get going. I'll set the kitchen timer because I have to get up to turn it off. It'll just keep going until I get up, and it'll drive me crazy. Or maybe add a visual cue so that, like, if I need to remember to return things to the library, I'll hang my library bag on the the door to the house so that I can't open the door without seeing it. It's right there in front of me. Our brains are really best suited for generating ideas using our creativity, problem solving, noticing connections between things, not storing a bunch of lists and information that we could outsource into something external so that we're freeing up the space for what our brains do really well. Remember, our executive function skill of working memory is all about holding onto information and manipulating it while we. While we're storing it in mind. So if that is a weaker skill for you, which almost all of us have, that impacted if we have adhd, I have almost zero working memory. It takes absolutely every ounce of my effort and focus to hold things in mind that I am so aware of it because I tend to get really agitated if somebody interrupts me because I know I'm going to lose it. And that became the one of the first things I identified when I learned about ADHD and my own ADHD brain. And what was the, the description about behind the behavior? Like what was happening to make me so irritable when somebody just asked me a simple question. But it was like, I'm trying so hard to hold on to what I'm already trying to hold on to. And now you're asking me something else that's making my focus shift, which means those things are going to fall off and I don't want to lose them. So think of like if you have like three errands that you need to run while you're out. Yeah, you can remember them, but what if you wrote them down and now you've outsourced that to a list and you can hold other things in mind as they come across your radar instead of trying to add something else to an already full. I think it's a mental post. It. If my post, it's filled up, I have no space to write anything else. Maybe there's five things you need to get at the store. You could keep repeating it the whole way to the store and the whole time you're walking around the store, but that really closes you off from other things and it's taking all of your focus and energy to do it. Maybe a phone number. Oh my gosh, don't ask me. I can't even tell you my kids phone numbers. That's just something we don't have to hold on to anymore. So write it down, get it into your phone or maybe even like why I walked into a room. That's where I'll, I'll move my headband to my arm or I'll, you know, move my ring to a different finger. Working memory is impacted when we are trying to hold on to things. And ADHD already impacts our working memory for most of us. So let's support our executive function skills as well. Remember, the bottom line is the more information you try to hold into your brain, to hold in your brain, the fewer resources you have available to spread your focus, to be able to make decisions, to be able to start things, manage your emotions, all of those are impacted. So when you're holding things in mind, notice how much do you have left to do anything else? Do you get irritable like I do? Do you notice that something got lost or forgotten? Trying hard to remember makes your executive function skills weaker. So let's Talk about some external systems that reduce that cognitive load on your brain. These are all, of course, external systems. The first is my favorite, and that is my ISM is I m Keep Things in Sight in Mind. ISM is my acronym to shorthand remind myself. If I can't see it, it does not exist. Out of sight, out of mind is real for us. I call that ozone O S O M. So whether it's creating a visual list, a landing zone for where things go, open baskets or storage, I remember when my kids were little, they each had their own step basket so that I could just drop things in it and they could see what needed to go upstairs to their room. And it was a basket so they could carry it and put it back on the step when they came back down. Did it work perfectly? No. Was it better than nothing? Absolutely it was. So your prompt here is ask yourself, what do I need to see to remember? You keep it in sight. It's much easier for you to follow through than just trying to remember it. My second system is to capture your thoughts in one trusted system. I know a lot of us have many lists, many notebooks, many ways of capturing our thoughts and our tasks. When something crosses your rate, your radar that you want or need to remember, capture in one place. Whether it's a notes app on your phone. If you're like, okay, my phone's always with me, that's going to be my my go to place. Or maybe you have one dedicated notebook to write everything in. Or your planner that you're going to capture things in. Or maybe you're a voice memo person and you're just going to record everything in your voice notes and turn it into text. Don't capture things in ten places or more. That leads to overwhelm. It's that, where did I write that again? You may not do this perfectly, but if you're doing it more consistently, it's growing that routine and strengthening over time where you'll use less and less other things and more and more the thing that you know works for you. So one place to capture things equals reduced friction. Next, use checklists. So that's number three. Don't make your brain remember the sequence of things. Capture what the steps are to remember the sequence. So you might use checklists for leaving the house. Maybe you have a check to make sure you have everything you need. Make sure the, I don't know, the lights are turned off or the TVs turned off. If you have an alarm, maybe that's on there, like turn on Your alarm or whatever. Maybe you have an evening and a morning routine that you detail so you remember and something doesn't get forgotten. We might think, oh, I know, I've got it. I don't need that. But I always say write it down and just notice. Because then you can just glance at it and be like, oh, I totally forgot to brush my teeth. Got it. It's just a little visual prompt that reminds you of the steps that you do and it gives you a chance to tweak it. So if you're like, okay, I actually notice if I do it in this order, it works better for me. So now you can go and just tweak it. And then it's this little gift to your future self to remember. I do these things in this order because it's easier and it works better for me. Maybe you have a list of recurring work tasks, or maybe there's certain things you do on Mondays or Fridays or what have you. Or maybe it's just a travel checklist of what you do when you're going out of town, like remembering to stop the mail or to schedule a reservation for the pets to get boarded or whatever it is. Checklists help your brain to not have to work so hard to remember the things that you do because you've defined it and made it easy to repeat it. My fourth out of five tips is to automate what you repeat. So I've talked about this in many previous episodes where every time we make a decision, it requires energy and effort. Reduce those decisions through external automations. So this could be setting up subscriptions for things that you get repeatedly. Like, I have my dog's prescription dog food on automatic refill, and then I just get a reminder email. And if I don't need it yet, I change the date. But it's set up so I don't have to worry about forgetting and running out. It could be that you have certain things that repeat on your calendar. I have repeats for, like my bookkeeping procedure that reminds me. And then I have a checklist from step number three to remind me what I do when I do my bookkeeping. Maybe you have reminders set up so that that's automatically prompting you. I had, like, reminders in my calendar for birthdays, anniversaries, things that I don't want to forget. That makes it easier for me just to check in and say, hey, happy birthday. Otherwise I do nothing. Because there's no way my brain's going to remember without that system. And my final external system is to create environmental Props. It's really letting your environment do the heavy duty lifting for your brain to cue it. So it might be leaving your prescription next to your toothbrush if you're one that like can brush your teeth and take your medicine right there at the same time. Or leaving your workout shoes by the door so you see them and it's remind, oh, that's right, I'm going to the gym and get my shoes. Or your planner on your keyboard. You have to physically move it. I like to leave my journal on my pillow so I have to pick it up and move it. I would say it creates a decision point. I don't have to write in it, but because it's open to the page and I've already dated it and then I have to move it, I'm going to write in it where if it's just sitting there, I can kind of ignore it. Or maybe it's putting your healthy snacks on a basket on, in a basket on the counter to remind yourself that you have these things to easily grab instead of going to something that maybe isn't ideal you to snack on because you forgot that you had these, these things that you set yourself up with. So remember, these are designed to create prompts instead of depending on your memory. I even like to create external prompts to remind myself, like what I bought at the store. So I kind of blend the external prompt with the list where I'm writing down the meals I purchased because once they're in the refrigerator, in the freezer, they're out of sight, out of mind. I don't remember what I purchased. So before I put everything away, I get out my little sticky pad with the lines on it and I just write down all the different meals that I purchased and I stick it on the refrigerator so I can see it and remember. And I again, it's not perfect, but I'm less likely to throw food out before it expire because it's expired before I ate it or forget that it was there, like produce or snacks. And it just makes it easier for me to remember the food that I paid money for that I want to eat and enjoy. So the tip here is that we don't need to figure out how to carry more in our heads, how to remember more. We really are serving our brain and our future cells by building systems today that help our brain to carry less today and tomorrow and next week and next month. So if you have an external system you use again, this is episode 246. Would love to hear what works for you. All right, we're at the final stretch here. My book of the week this week is under the Banner of Heaven by John Krakauer. I heard about this on a podcast, the Smart Lips podcast. They were talking about it. It is a true crime book. This is the same author who wrote Into Thin Air and Into the Wild. And it's about two men who are brothers who murder a young mom and her 15 month old daughter, believing that they were obey God's orders when doing so. This is an older book. It was actually written in 2004, which I didn't realize until about halfway into the book because I kept trying to figure out, why are they talking about these things? This timeline doesn't, doesn't make sense. I guess because they were talking about it in a recent Smart List episode. I thought it was newer, but it was very interesting. It was unexpected and I gave it three and a half out of five stars. So if you like true crime, this might be a book for you to explore, if you haven't heard of it or read it already. I also know that there is a. A miniseries that's been made from this that stars Andrew Garfield. So that's something else I'm interested in checking out after having read it. All right, so now for my quote for this week. And this is from John Updike. And John Updike said, apparently, inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard. So that's it. Take what you notice works for you or is sparkly. Leave the rest behind. Because that is true. John Updike. If we do things in small bits, inch by inch, it is much easier than if we try to do the whole thing at once. So little tweaks. Create externalized systems to support your brain, lessen friction and thrive more. That's it for this episode. Until next time. Tally ho.