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Hello, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patti. I am a professionally certified ADHD and executive function coach, and I'm here to help you thrive with your adhd. As much as I don't feel like I'm thriving right now, we're going to. We're going to try to shift that energy and focus on thriving. If you would like more support than is possible to offer over the YouTube and podcast offerings, check out my ADHD Friendly membership@adhdfriendly.com it's where adders get more things done. So this week I am kicking off a celebration that I'm hoping it's going to build up my energy. And it's about a piano, which you know about. I'm also going to share a tip. I'm going to change things around this time. I'm going to flip it and do my topic first, because my tip complements my topic. So I'm going to do the topic first, which is why easy feels impossible when we have ADHD feeling that today. So we're going to dive into that and generate some energy. So let's jump right in. All right. My celebration. I should have. I should have printed a picture to show it. I didn't. Well, that's okay. It's a piano, so it's a new to me piano. And I have wanted a piano for literally years and years. I have always wanted to learn how to play the piano. When I was a kid, I wanted to learn. We never had a piano. It just wasn't something I was ever able to do because we didn't have one. But I always loved the idea of learning how to play piano, much like I've always wanted to learn how to knit. So long, detailed story about how we got here, but it came up in my. My lovely knit group where one of the ladies that I knit with just moved and told me that she had two pianos that she gave away. And I was like, are you kidding me? Because, I mean, I know a lot of people give away a free piano, but you don't know the history if it's, like, worth it. And it's not really the cost of a used piano, it's moving it and getting it tuned and all of that. So I didn't want to. I kept, like, looking, but getting kind of stuck on. But I don't know anything about pianos. And how will I know if there's anything, like, fundamentally structurally wrong? And then I'm going to be stuck with it because you can't get rid of them. They're very heavy. Yeah, they're like. They're like a lot of, you know, technology. It's like, okay, what do I do with that? There's no way to just, like, move it out easily. So I then a few days later, got a text from one of the other ladies in the group who wasn't there at the time this conversation happened, and she was like, I heard that you were looking for a piano, and I have a piano that I don't play anymore, and I would love to see it go to you if you're interested. And I was like, yeah. I'm like, yes, please. Thank you. So I immediately found a mover. Yeah, Booked them, Got it moved. It is now here. It. It created sparkly energy to organize the space to make room for it. And I hung a really pretty violin picture above it that had been just in a closet, so unused. That just looks. It looks like a little, like, music corner now. So I have it, and now I'm just starting some structure of learning how to play it, which I'm teaching. I'm. I'm learning online. Yeah. So that was something my other. I learned from my friends that there are some really good free online resources. So I'm just trying the free ones first because why. Why not see what I can. What I can learn, and then if I need to pay for lessons with a person, I'll do that. But right now I'm just having free fun playing around with it and just starting. I just found the platform I'm going to practice with and did the first lesson. So yay. It was fun. So that's my celebration, and I'm super excited. And it's so pretty. I just love. Every time I walk past it, it makes me, like, just so happy. So thank you. Thank you, universe, for. For hearing me and. And for my. My knitting friends. See, knitting ended up giving me a path towards the piano, so everything is possible. So what I purchased this week was nothing because the piano was free, but I guess I did technically. Well, I didn't. My husband gave me the. He paid for the move. Yeah, yeah. For it to come. So now I do have to get it tuned. But I was feeling very kind of perfectionistic about it where I wasn't playing it. And my husband was like, I think you can play. Like, I don't think you have to, because I can't hear what's wrong. Like, I don't hear any difference. And I was like, I think I should wait because maybe I'm going to, like, not know what I'm listening He's like, I think you're okay. So I was like, okay. So I did. After a few days, I was like, okay. You know, you're probably right, because I was all like, I now have to find, like, where's the right tuner? And how much does that cost? And am I supposed to wait a while for it to get, like, acclimated to its new home environmentally? So I was like, okay, I'm just going to play. Going to hurt anything just to play. So that's what I did. So. Right. That's my celebration. And I don't have a product because I didn't. Didn't buy. Didn't buy anything. So nothing to update them. All right, so here's my topic first. Why easy? Those simple things can feel impossible when we have adhd. So this came up because there are so many times that I'll experience this, and my clients just really struggle with the same thing, and that's that tasks other people find simple to do, they just go do them. We get overwhelmed by. And just the thought of doing them drains our energy. So this can be something like starting the laundry, doing the dishes, brushing your teeth, getting out of bed in the morning. I mean, like, you name it. If it's, like, basic things that other people just get up and do because they're supposed to do. I'm like, jumping in the shower. That's like. It's like jumping in the shower. Like. Like that. That's like an energetic kind of like, I'm gonna go jump in the shower. I'm like, what? No, like, oh, my gosh. Like that. That's just amazing. Just go jump in there. Like, I. I'm like, all right, that's part of my plan, and I'm gonna do it. And it's like, as quickly as possible. Yeah, I'm like. I'm like. I got this whole plan around my whole day about how that's gonna happen. Yeah, it's like, no, no, no. It's like, reminds me of those old days. Like, oh, it's. I'm washing my hair tonight. No, I'm done. I still do that, but it just feels like now there's not, like, a framework for it. It's not so much of a cultural thing that people say all the time. Or I'm just like, no, I got my whole plan around making sure I'm getting a shower. But so there are lots of tasks that may seem simple, but for us, they aren't because of our ADHD brain wiring. And the root reason for that is that ADHD brain wiring impacts our executive functions. So things like task initiat our ability to plan and prioritize. You know, that. That motivation not being where we need it to be to get started. The time management, like I said, like, I've got like my whole time kind of mapped out to make sure the shower is happening where. Because if I'm going to, like, work out, I don't want to get sweaty and then have to shower. Like, I'm not going to shower twice in a day. It's not me. It's hard enough to get it in, period. Not, not going to happen twice. So I've got to think through all of those things. Emotional regulation. So managing your emotions so that you don't get overwhelmed and you can tolerate the discomfort of something that you're trying to do. Neurotypical brains see it as, just go, do it. Like it's not a big deal. But ADHD brains see it as boring, which is like kryptonite for our brain. It's like warning danger. It's like, no way, it's not urgent. So we have very low motivation for it. There's not an immediate reward for doing it right. So it's like, I know I'm going to feel good when I'm done or to have it done, but that's not rewarding enough to get us going. It might be that things are out of sight, out of mind. So if, like the dishwasher is run. Yeah, but it's closed. It's like, well, it's full. I'll get to it at some point. Or like I used to back in the day, like, store. I wanted everything off my countertop, so I stored my toothbrush and toothpaste in a drawer. Well, if I can't see it, how are you going to remember? Right. So it's like it has to be out. There's certain things that I need in my line of sight to prompt me visually. Or it could also be you're trying to transition. So if you're like a phone scroller and that's like the sparkly thing, asking your brain to go from something that's constantly giving you dopamine because of the interest to something boring like laundry, dishes, work, you know, whatever it is. Yeah, it's really, really a tall order. So it's not just, you know, judging yourself because it's simple, I should just be able to go do it. It's recognizing why it's so hard. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but it does mean we have to acknowledge the challenge. So let's look at a simple example, like, doing the dishes. Okay. Because over there, like, okay, so neurotypical brain. Putting that with my air quotes. We'll look at it like, it's gonna take about five minutes. I'm just gonna go do it. Sure. And they do it. Like, I always think of it as, like, magic when I see people that just, like, like, oh, that needs to be done. Let me go do it. And I'm like, go. Like, I physically am able to do everything, but that push to get started is really, like. It's like this heavy weight I'm carrying, this backpack full of, like, big rocks to go do it. And they're just, like, light and airy. Just going with adhd. So we're thinking about the dishes. The visual clutter itself can be overwhelming. And I have to say, we have a really good system now. After 30 years plus years with four kids, we finally have a system where the dishes don't pile up in the sink. Well, that's a lot of dishes, a lot of people. Except when on the rare occasion when the dishwasher gets full midday, like, you know, like, right before dinner. And so now it has to be run because there's no more room in there. Right. So all the dinner dishes, all the pots and pans end up in the sink, and they don't get done before going to bed. So I got up this morning, and this is literally what I. What I came downstairs to was the awareness that the dishwasher had to be empty, which is one thing, but there was also the dirty pot, the dirty pots. There was one dirty pot and a bunch of. Well, probably realistically, like, four plates, two bowls, and a bunch of silverware. But still. But it was a lot for me compared to what I worked so hard to get it down to. But that visual clutter is like, oh, my gosh. Yeah. It's also often unclear where to start. So we've got to prioritize. Okay, so, like, do I empty the dishwasher first? Do I wash the big pot? Because that's not going in the dishwasher. Yeah. What's most important? Do I empty the sink and fill it with, like, am I. Do I just wash these by hand? Like, what. What do I do? What's the approach? So we get overwhelmed. Or maybe there's just no room in the sink to wash the pots and pans, so they're all over the counter, but you can't clear the space because the sink's full. Yeah. The dishwasher is full, so it's just overwhelming. I'm getting stressed just thinking about it. Me too. There's also so many steps. So it's not just do the dishes. It's I've got to empty the dishwasher. I need to maybe fill the pot with sudsy water and warm water to soak. I need to start with the dishes in the sink. Like, there's multiple steps. It's. So there's not a lot of things that are just one and done. A lot of the things we're trying to do, there's multiple steps. We also have some sensory resistance. So this. I. I shared this example specifically because I have a lot of sensory resistance when it comes to dishes. The first is if the sponge has any odor, you know, they can. They can get. I am very sensitive to any kind of musty smell. Mildewy, cannot do it. So we don't even use a sponge anymore because I can't do it. But I have one of those Oxo scrub brushes that holds the soap in the handle. Very sparkly, except because it drips down into this little base that holds it. The base itself fills up with this disgusting soap drip water that if I don't keep it emptied, The. The smell of that. It. The base. When you put the brush in there, it's on the end of the base that you're going to hold on to. Right? So I know my hand is going to touch that disgusting smelling. I have a lot of resistance for this. Can you tell the way I'm describing? It's so gross. It sounds gross. If you don't like the. The smell or the feel of the soap you're using. If it's like, I've used different soaps that are really, really hard to wash off. Like, they're just. They're just constantly like. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm still sudsing up. It won't even come off my hands or it won't rinse off. It's taking forever. If there's food in the sink, textured, oh, my gosh. Right. Or it's stuck on the plate, and now I've got to figure out how to get it off the plate. Like, yeah, a lot of. A lot of people. Sensory resistance to the smells of the food in there, the texture of feeling it, the smell of the soap, the smell of a sponge if it's not pleasant. I do like the idea of, like, a nice, like, filled soap sink, but I don't have the patience to fill a sink with Soapy water. I like the idea of that, but I rarely, if ever have the patience to fill a sink all the way. It's, it's, it's not going to happen. But I do like that. If I could do it. But also then like the other stuff starts floating. Like the food and stuff there was anything. Yeah, I know. So I'm like, no, it just, it doesn't work. So the resistance we feel and the challenge it creates is real. So that's what I want to highlight here. Just because it, it appears simple doesn't mean it is. We have to acknowledge, if you're feeling resistance, just pushing through is not sustainable. Yeah, if it works, fabulous, but it's not sustainable. It's not going to be your go to. To get things done because the resistance will get higher the more you're expecting yourself just to push through. So we're not lazy. We simply have impacted executive functions that make it hard to do these things. It's hard to start, it's hard to continue, and it's hard to finish. So you might be like, I'm just going to empty the dishwasher. I'll let the pot. Every time there's something in this thing, it's soaking, Mom. I'm like, no, there's no soaking allowed. You can soak it while you go to the bathroom, let the dogs out, but there's no leaving soaking and leaving the room. Yeah, you're not to go do other things. No, like that's not allowed. Because anything in our sink is an invitation to more things in the sink. So it's like a hard and fast rule now that nothing's allowed to be in the sink. So there's a lot of easy tasks that are boring for our brain because our brain is wired for interest, it's wired for novelty, and it's wired for urgency. None of those things are happening in my sink, so it's a problem. So what is our ADHD brain to do if the interest isn't there? We must find a way to inject it. Pushing through, not sustainable. If it is, you don't need me. Go about your day, you magic people. Good for you. So we have to inject interest, which is the fuel for our brain, into our brain to get it going. So I always think of the brand new sports car metaphor like you have a brand new sports car in your driveway. It runs beautifully, but there's no gas in it. You can look at it all you want, but it's not going to go anywhere unless you push it. It's the same for our brain. If there's no fuel in there, there's no interest. It's not going. And trying to just make it go is just like pushing the car. It's not sustainable. You might get a little, you know, but it takes so much effort, it's not doable. So we need to look at the boring task as what it is. You're an empty tank and it's not fueling you up. We've got to find the fuel. So reframe that from we're not broken. It doesn't mean because other people do these things and just move on, like, that's fabulous for them, we can do it too. Haha. But we just need to find ways to create the interest. So let's revisit the sink full of dishes and inject some interest. So here are some ways to explore to do that. And again, take this and put it in place around any task that is easy but overwhelming that you're not able to do. So the first is gamify it. So you guys know I've talked about this before. If you've listened to my podcast with any regularity, I love to make a game out of it. So set a timer and race it. Put on a song and try to do something before the end of the song. Challenge somebody else that's doing a chore and see if you can beat them. Yeah, but gamify it. The next is to reduce the size. So if the task is overwhelming, like the full dishwasher sink full of dishes, pots and pans on the counter, on the stovetop. There's just things everywhere. Make it smaller. So just wash and pot or just take care of five dishes or just empty the dishwasher so that there's space to do them when you have time to come back. But something's more than nothing. The next tip is to create novelty. My favorite thing, you give me one of those new OXO scrub brushes that doesn't have the yucky stuff inside smell, which I can wash. And I do put it in the dishwasher, but I don't think I'm doing it enough. Yeah, sure. So you watch that thing. And now I have like the replacement heads for it. So I don't need to buy the whole thing because I just felt like this is stupid. Nothing is wrong with this except the scrub brush head. I have like 5 replacement scrub brush heads now. So I take that little guy, I put him in the dishwasher so he's not stinking anymore, and then I change the head out. And it's like. Like I have all of this. Like, it's scrubbing. I'm like, oh, look at him. It's like. It's like when you change your toothbrush. It's like, oh, this is cleaning so well. Love it. Maybe change up your. Your dish soap scent. Get something that's interesting or unscented if the scented bothers you. Sure. Just get something neutral. New sponge, new dishcloth, new. You know, something to make it new. Yeah, any. Anything that makes it sparkly. I found if I get, like, one new bowl. Yeah. I want to do all the dishes. I remember this used to happen when. When I had kids. The new little onesie for the baby. Like, oh, my gosh. Like, I never got tired of folding baby clothes. Never. Four kids never got tired of it. But the little onesies were always, like, the thing that would kick it off because I was just like. Like, you could pull it into thirds and, like, a little pocket. And I was like, oh, my gosh, it's so cute. All right, I digress. Do it while you're doing another task. So while the coffee's brewing, I'm going to empty the dishwasher. While the sink's filling, I'm going to sip my coffee. I don't know, you know, pair it with something else. Body double with someone else. So this was always when my mom passed away, the time. And I still think of her when I'm emptying the dishwasher. The time that was hardest for me every day because with four kids, I was emptying the dishwasher every day after she passed away was. I couldn't. I kept wanting to pick up the phone and call her because I always called my mom, and I was emptying the dishwasher, and it was just that distraction. I was, you know, checking a box. Sorry. But, you know, sorry, Mom. I was checking a box, but it distracted my mind from. Right. It created enough interest. I could do the boring task. So call someone and catch up. Yeah. And have it be the thing you get to do when you're doing the dishes. Maybe you can do it while somebody else is with you. So somebody's hanging out in the kitchen, and you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna do this while you're. While we're chatting. Same thing. Your body doubling. They don't have to be doing anything to help you. Just them there can help you with the energy to do. The next strategy is to create a good enough plan. So if. If you notice, perfectionism gets in the way. So I, and I will do this. I will look at the whole kitchen and go, I want all of this done and the counters wiped down and then the floor swept up and then the cabinets wiped off because they probably got dripped stuff on them because there's so much around that I want it all clean. Maybe cut through that by defining what's good enough. And so this morning, what was good enough for me was back to zero everything. Dishwashers emptied, pot clean, dishes put back in the dishwasher. And I just took the dishcloth and wiped down. I did not spray and clean the dish. This, the counter. Still have. I saw them. I'm aware of it. Food, you know, like not like actual food, but like, like little, like spots of discoloration from different colors. Yeah, Water, moisture, whatever. Like it's not dirt, but it's definitely a toleration. But I just didn't have time to wipe everything. Like I was just like, I'm not going to do all of that. I'm just going to clear the deck so I can wipe and do that stuff later. So define what your good enough is so that you're moving forward and not paralyzed by paralysis of perfection. The next one is to create a stupid small start. So again, if we're overwhelmed because there's so many things in so many steps, just find a way in. I think of this as the zero entry. When you think of like those zero entry pools, instead of jumping in the deep end, make it so small that you can tolerate it. So my example here is just fill the sink with warm sudsy water. But if, you know, once the, if I fill the sink with warm sudsy water, which I'd already said I don't do, but if I did, sure as heck I'm going to do the dishes. Sure. Because I've taken the time to get in there and plug up the sink around all those dishes that are filling it. And there's hot sudsy water, which I never do. So that would be very sparkly. And I don't want the water to get cold. So I'm absolutely going to get in there and do it. One really quick thing that, that I thought of and I don't, I couldn't find them. I don't think I have them anywhere. I think I finally threw them away because they were like 20 years old. But my neighbor in, when I used to live in Texas made me. She bought nice quality dishwashing clothes and she this is Barbie you soon don't know. And then she took this furry like leopard print material and sewed it on to make cuffs. They were the most fancy, sparkly thing. And whenever I. And they were such lovely gloves that they really did feel like I was pampering myself doing them. They lasted well. Again, I don't do I avoid dishes whenever I can, but they lasted for years and years. And whenever I was really, really low energy for them, I would whip those bad boys out and put them on because I was like, these are the magic clothes that let me do dishes because they were so fun and sparkly. I felt like I was like a celebrity doing dishes. Like, like I was going to be like, on the COVID of a magazine. This is how we do dishes here, you know, like Martha Stewart or something. All right. And the next is building a reward. That's the final thing. It's always my go to. Rewards can be anything that's rewarding to you. So whether it's you get to treat yourself to something like, I am starting dishes now I get to turn on my podcast or I finish the dishes. So I get a Reese's peanut butter cup. I don't know you. Do you. But build in a reward for starting, for finishing, for progress, for whatever you need to get in to get yourself going. Easy tasks can be more doable when we do them in a way that fires up our brain. Don't try to push through when your brain is low energy. Find the place that you can shift and create interest so that you can create the fuel you need to do the things you're trying to do. So that leads me to our tool. I've talked about this before, but I couldn't not bring it back. And that's the ICnut menu. So ICnUP is Dr. William Dotson's acronym for how to get your brain fired up so you can get engaged and do the things you're trying to do. I'm going to share my visual example, but again, I want you to just get inspired by the idea, not expect yourself to do what I do won't work for you. Do what works for you. But it's a way of remembering what does work for different tasks. Because when we're low energy, we're not going to be really creative in our thoughts. So if you struggle with getting started on regular tasks, this could be your approach. So this was my original ignat menu. I'm holding it up. If you're listening to this, check out my YouTube channel, ADHD Friendly. A bunch of words. Yeah. And I, I was like, oh, it's great information, but oh my gosh. Did I not have resistance to reading it because it just took so long to process. So I turned it into a bunch of pictures and this is so much fun. So I have the task empty the dishwasher. Interest is I just change how I'm emptying it. Maybe I will empty it from right now. I've been doing bottom to top lately but I will change it up and go top to bottom. I have three levels on my dishwasher so sometimes I'll do the middle. Oh. And then the bottom, then the top. Right. So it's just a. It's a simple thing but it makes it interesting to me. The challenger competition race the clock. The novelty or new might be listening to a new audiobook, getting a new kind of soap, a new sponge. The urgency would be like raise a kid. Like create like that. I'm going to beat you. You. I bet I can finish this before you finish vacuuming. Whatever. So I have these examples for different things like how to refill my medication or pick it up, which is a struggle. How to get a newsletter or a blog article written. How to make a phone call. I hate phone calls. That telephonophobia is a real thing. There's an episode on that too. Or how to do bookkeeping tasks. Oh, like boring. So this is my customized visual to remind me how I do these things. I encourage you to explore what would you want to capture strategy wise that works for you, that aligns with the icnup. Interest, challenge, novelty, urgency and sometimes passion. We can't always fit passion in, but where we can, it's a game changer. So. So that is my tool for the week. Create your way in to do those things that feel overwhelming so that you can fuel your brain and get them done. All right. Finally, our book for the week. It is Spectacular Things. This is by Beck Dori Stein. I don't think I've ever read anything by them before. This was a Reese's Book Club book which I've had pretty good luck reading. The things that she's recommended so that I found interesting. Really quick synopsis. It's about a woman who had a dream of playing professional soccer, like World cup level soccer and was sidelined when she got pregnant. Years later she has two daughters who are struggling with their mother's legacy. Each with their own soccer dreams and the impossible choices they face. I'm like what? Where did I write there? It's not fall. Sorry. And the impossible choices they face in pursuit of their dreams. It's not often that I can't read my own handwriting but it still does happen. I gave this a four out of five. Very enjoyable. Really enjoyed the characters and their stories. So a very quick read. If that's something that interests you, check it out and then my quote of the week. This is from Dr. Dotson about his icnut menu. I thought it was appropriate to end with this and he says ADHD is an interest based nervous system. People with ADHD perform best when tasks are interesting, novel, urgent or challenging. Thank you Dr. Dodson. The inspiration for the fixed up menu tool that I made to help get started more easily. I hope you found something in this episode that helps you to start those simple tasks with more ease. And if there's something that works for you that I didn't share, you want to share what you tried that did work. This is episode 227. Would love to hear whatever you learned. That's it for this episode. Until next time. Kelly Ho.