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Hi, welcome to ADHD Friendly. I am Patty. I am an ADHD coach, and I'm here to support you to struggle less and thrive more. If you want more support than I can give you in this YouTube and podcast episode, check out ADHD friendly.com for more recess. Recesses. It's like recess. For more resources and information on my membership. Because at ADHD Friendly, adders get more things done. All right, this is episode 224, and this week I am celebrating wedding dress shopping. Not for me. I'm also going to share a tip about how to get a more consistently good haircut. Oh, because, like, how, like, like, like, how would I know this much more about that than I do? And then I have a product of the week, and our main topic is why your routines don't stick. And then, as always, I'll highlight my book of the week. So let's jump into episode two. So my celebration is I went to North Carolina this past weekend and I went wedding dress shopping with my oldest daughter. And I was really. I just want to celebrate that she asked me. Yeah, that I felt helpful and not in the way, which I. I didn't have that kind of relationship with my own mother, and I would have never wanted her there when I was wedding dress shopping. That would have been like, what? Yeah, no, thank you. So I was just really honored to be invited. I got to meet. She had three of her bridesmaids there. Two of them I met, like, literally at one of the times that we went to the club to dance to the. The band that we love. And it was literally a dancer, like, ah. So I was like, okay, you look familiar. But I got to hang out with them for the day and get to know them. It was just a great day. So I'm just celebrating that even in January, which I know right now it's the beginning of February, but this was last week when there's snow here and just, you know, I was like, I'll be there as long as the weather doesn't get in the way. And the weather cooperated and it went off without a hitch. So really, really enjoyed myself. All right, what I purchased this week, all I bought, all I purchased was meals on my trip. So I didn't buy anything that, you know, stuff wise, just some meals out while dress shopping and visiting my son and my daughter in Raleigh. And then my product of the week is actually a product that my daughter gave me while I was there. And because, like, she already knew what this was. I've never heard of this. So this is called Touchland Hydrating and Sanitizer Spray. It's a little pricey for hand sanitizers. This came comes in a three pack on Amazon. It's called a trio for 30 bucks. So $10 each. Yeah. Seems kind of pricey for hand sanitizers. I'm not gonna lie. The trio that. There's a couple of different Trio sets. The Trio set that this comes from is included with mint, citrus, and lemon lime. And this is the Lemon lime because I would definitely get the Citrus Trio because I don't like floral scents. They tend to irritate my allergies. But it's just a little push spray. I like the hydrating part of it. What I like so much about it is, number one, it doesn't have a cap or a top. It's not a gel. The spray is so much easier to put on on the go. So I'm keeping this. My purse. I love that it's a citrus scent, not a floral scent. And it's. It. It's not moisturizing like you're putting on lotion, but it's not drying right. And a lot of hand sanitizers feel really dry you out. And it. It does leave a little bit of a soft, softer feel. What I will say. And it's not so much. It's kind of a neutral comment for the most part. But it does smell like Pledge Furniture palette to me, which, if you like Pledge, I don't dislike Pledge. Now I need to smell. Just has that. That Pledge scent. So I'm just. I'm just sharing that observation. If that's something that doesn't work for you or does work for you. I've only tried this one, the Lemon Lime Citrus, so. But I do really, really like it. So just sharing that. That new, fun product, which I love. The. The hydrating in the. The winter months especially, it is so dry here. I feel like I'm like sucking into myself. Yeah, it's shocking. I literally had to get up and I washed my hair last night and I did my hair and I had clients, my couple of my clients that meet super early. Oh, yeah. And I did not have time but to do it, you know, whatever I could. And it just looked so awful that in between clients, I raced and I re. Washed my bangs because it's so dry. So I. I don't usually use a lot of product at all, but I was like, I need something to give the. The. There's like no moisture in my hair, so it's just hanging like, oh, well, they look great now. Well, they look better. It's tolerable because I was like, I'm not going to do anything with my, with my hair like this today. So. So that leads me to my tip, which is so ironic. Okay, so this is my, my tip that I learned. I, I shared. You'll, you'll see when you're editing the videos. I'm so excited that you're here. When, whenever Becca's here, when I record, it's just a better energy for me because I can talk to her instead of my. And I love my dogs. They just don't, you know, they don't give me a lot back. They don't laugh at my jokes. They're, you know, just kind of, they're just like, mom, we're happy to help you, but they're not laughing. So the tip I got from the 365 day calendar of life hacks. So I just love this and I wanted to share it. It's take a picture of yourself on a good hair day. And this resonated as soon as I read it because, as you know, I like to have pictures of hairstyles that I like. And for years I would take in pictures of celebrities that had hair like a similar length to mine with a simple, similar look, but it wasn't me. And exactly my hair. Although it was a hairstyle I believe my hair could do, it wasn't like somebody that had super straight, you know, hair that I don't have, or super thin hair or, you know, you have to work with your natural hairstyle. But the last time I got my hair cut, I found a picture of myself from all of the podcast episodes I just went through and I found the length and the style that I, I liked from the time I had it cut that I really liked it. And I just grabbed that picture and I was like, this is me with the hair. I really want that length again and the bangs to do this. And it worked really well. And I have loved my haircut. So the tip is grab a selfie. Favorite it so that you can find it easily because you may not be getting your hair cut right away when you take your picture and then show it to your stylist to have a more likely outcome of having the haircut that you want and having good hair throughout in between your appointments. Yeah, more consistent. Good hair. Take a picture of yourself on a good hair day. I love that I'm on my topic for this episode. The main topic is why your routines don't stick. Okay, we're in the beginning of February. So I thought, this is such a great time. I went to the gym yesterday, kept swimming, did my laps. Amazing. I was shocked. I walked in. Typically, when I go in, you can reserve a half hour at a time for the laps. There's four laps. They're always booked, right? They're like, you just kind of sit on the side and wait for the clock to hit the top of the hour. When that person gets out, you get in. You've got 30 minutes, get out. The next person gets in. It's very, very tightly scheduled. I got there. Nobody was in the pool at all. No, I'm sorry. There was one lady in lane one. Brief, like, just. Just slowly swimming across. Nobody waiting, nobody on the sides, nobody there. My lane completely empty. And I was like, this is amazing. But then I realized it's been a month since everybody's New Year's resolutions to. Yeah, and that's very common for us. That is a very, very common pattern. We, most likely all of us know that all too well. So with ADHD brains, we are constantly in need of and craving novelty and stimulation. So if you find something in your routine no longer novel or stimulating, it is a huge red flag. We cannot ignore these things because that's the warning sign that your routine is in danger of falling off. So any routine that's boring, tedious, or you feel resistance towards doing is something to pay attention to because it's not sustainable. These are huge red flags. Think of your brain as sending up warning flares. Don't ignore them. Right. But it's the kind of thing that it's like. It doesn't mean it's not working. It means something needs to be tweaked to keep it working. So don't tell yourself, just do it. Ask yourself, what do I need to change to keep this going? If we could just tell ourselves, just go and do it. And it actually worked. My hunch here, and I'm not a diagnostician, but I will just say my gut is, you don't have adhd. Because that is a core challenge for those of us with adhd, is we can't just push through. We struggle with routines, but routines are also essential. So it's that dichotomy of what do we do when we know we need them or we don't want to need them, but without them, we really flounder. So if you want to thrive with adhd, I want to highlight why it's important to lean into routines that work for you. The first is they're going to conserve your energy. Everybody has a limited amount of energy with adhd. We exert more energy thinking about and trying to get ourselves to start the things that we're trying to do than individuals with neurotypical brains. So routines reduce decision making, right? So we're not fatiguing our brain having to make all of these decisions. This is our routine, this is what we do when they also support our time management and create a flow that creates ease in our transition. So it's like after I do this, I do this. It's just what we do instead of everything being a decision point of now. What I think of it as like we're at another crossroads. Do I turn left? Do I go straight? Do I turn right? What do I do here? Every time if, you know, you go straight for five blocks and then you turn right, you just keep walking because you know what to do, they ease your stress level because things are predictable. Again, if you think about yourself on this, on the street corner and you're guessing and you're not sure if you're right, that creates a lot of stress. You're like, the whole time you, you turn, you're like, is this right? And you're, you're like using a lot of mental effort, trying to see, is this familiar? Is this where I'm supposed to be? Instead of knowing what you're doing, that's just creating ease. And then the bottom line, and this to me is such a huge thing to keep in mind, is it builds your self efficacy. Your self efficacy is your belief in your ability to do the things that you are planning and intending on doing. It's your belief in yourself and your own ability to do what you know you need to do in order to get to where you want to go. So it's that you can do it instead of, I don't know, I don't know, I don't believe in myself. I don't believe I'm actually going to do what I said I would do. We can if we do it our way. So with ADHD brains, we rely on conscious effort in our routines that don't often become automatic. They do, but it takes enormous time and practice for them to become that level. If you think about like brushing your teeth, maybe that's like a pretty automatic thing you don't have to exert effort for. But even when I think about my yoga, it's pretty automatic. But I always get up and think, is this a yoga day? And I don't want to. I just don't Want. It's never something. I'm like, it's rarely something. Every once in a while I'm like, okay, okay. I'm looking forward to this one. It's pretty rare, though. Most days I don't want to do it. And so it's still taking a bit of effort to get into it. But for me, that routine is so ingrained in. Just put the mat on the floor and sit on the mat. Yeah. And then once I'm there, I just go. I'm not resisting anymore. I just start. So it's that routine. So research highlights why it is that we have a hard time with routines when we have adhd. So I just wanted to share a couple of things that is explained by the way our brain is wired. What makes it harder for us to have routines as easily as somebody without adhd? The first is that our dopamine levels are dysregulated, so we tend to have understimulated brains. And the dopamine levels that we need are lower. And they're also not as efficient at firing up and working when we need them to, kind of hitting those at the right time, right space. So even if we have, it may not be as efficient as being able to utilize the dopamine that we do have. So that makes the reward that we get from completing a routine lower. So we're feeling that positive benefit less than a neurotypically wired brain. And rewards are absolutely key in that habit loop formation. So if you think about, you know, how we go from the beginning of what we're going to do to doing it, to observing how it's working, to rewarding ourselves, it's part. It's an essential part. And if we're not getting that full reward for doing it, it's making it harder to turn that into a strong routine. We also have executive function, weaker areas that are impacted because of our adhd. Things like planning, prioritizing, time management, our task initiation, you know, the actual starting, the thing that we're trying to start, they're all weaker with adhd, so just do it. Doesn't work. It's one of those things. If we could, we would. So we have to find our way. We can't just be like, well, I've decided I'm going to do it. I went and did it. It just happened. Maybe that happened once or twice, but it's not consistent with an ADHD brain. We also are time blind. So our internal clock, that sense of time passing, is impacted when we have adhd. And so we May not cue ourselves naturally to do the thing that we do at a certain time or, you know, at a certain spot. So we might just literally forget. Like, I'll have clients tell me that they were doing this and then like a month or two went by and they realized they weren't doing it anymore. And it's. It's very typical that Becca's like, really? That's a thing? Yes. Yeah, it is. It is. Sometimes we'll catch it sooner, but. Or we'll just kind of casually notice it thinking, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll get back to that. But then we, like, time just went by and it's like, I haven't done that in forever. And it wasn't even necessarily a conscious decision. We just stopped one day and didn't notice it, or we were sick or we had company or, you know, fill in the blank. Life got in the way. Y or boredom will absolutely derail a routine. So if your brain perceives something in your routine or the routine itself as boring, your interest goes w way down. And it's like trying to start a car that has no gas. It could be a brand new automobile. Everything works perfectly. But it has no gas. It's not going to start. Same thing with your brain. Your brain works just fine, but not without any fuel. Interest is the fuel for our brain. Boredom is the kryptonite. It is absolutely keeping you stalled. So we must find ways to create that novelty and that interest to fuel our brain. So what are some ways to do that? Right, this is it. This is where we get to. I'm terrible at these. These sayings. The. The metal, the pedal to the metal. Oh, yeah. The rubber meets the road. The gas on the stove. Awful. I don't know. We're doing it all. So these are some ways to make routines stick. They're more ADHD friendly. So again, with everything I share, take what works for you. Leave the rest behind. But here are some things to explore. Rewards, rewards, rewards, rewards, rewards. All rewards always. So pair your routine with something sparkly, something you genuinely enjoy, like a playlist or podcast. Something that fires up your brain now. Not. Not now. Right. So we need it right now. Something that's going to get you excited, maybe build in breaks and snacks that you enjoy. So you're looking forward to it. For example, maybe you do something for 10 minutes and then you go get a snack, you build. You do something for 10 minutes, you go build a section of your Lego, like one page of directions or something. Something that you're like, oh, I get to go do that now. But it short and has a absolute like ending point. So it's not going to draw you from getting back to what you're trying to do if it needs to be continued. Also, build in a finish reward. So I'm kind of giving you that build a starting reward, A during reward, a finish reward, build in rewards wherever you need them to pull you into your routines. Maybe when you're done, you get to watch your favorite show or do something that you call a friend, something to acknowledge, I am done and I can completely shift here and go to something else. The second tip is to create external prompts. Externalize the things that you have set up to remind you of what you are doing. So whether that's alarms, whether it's written on a post, it you're tracking a habit on a habit tracker. Something that you can see because it's external, so you're not going to forget what it is you're doing. Number three, plan B. Add a plan B. So it's the. If this doesn't work, this is my plan B. It allows you to be flexible, and flexibility is key to keeping your routine going over time. So if you plan to walk at 10am for 45 minutes and for whatever reason, you know, you get up and your dog's sick, you have to take them to the vet. 10am is gone. It's now lunchtime. You build on a plan B that you'll go for a walk with your dog after you get back if they're, you know, feeling up to it and you're like, they can go for a walk. You're like, okay, well, I can walk with the dog in the afternoon for 20 minutes and it's something. And something's always more than nothing. So create a plan B so that it's not all or nothing. It's, oh, that's not going to work. I can do my plan B here. Let you be flexible. Number four, piggyback on the existing routine. So if you want to build something, added something else. So maybe you brush your teeth and you take your medicine right after you brush your teeth every morning. So it's something you do all the time, that you're going to put it right behind it so that it's automatically there and it's a thing you do after that other thing. Maybe this is like, I'll wait the counters off one of my. My coffee's brewing. I can tolerate the cleaning because it's like 90 seconds. And I'm like, all right. And then I'm Done. It has a very limited amount of time that I can focus on and I feel really good that I've done it and so. And then I get my coffee. Reward. Reward. There you go. That's right. That's the circle. The cycle is the circle. And then finally use accountability. So whether it's a workout buddy, somebody that you just, you know, check in, you're like, I'm going to text you when I'm done. Something that creates enough tension that pulls you into it. It's not just you trying to push yourself. You've got somebody else you're accountable to to help pull you into it. Routines are going to fall off with ADHD brains. I always say it's not a matter of if, it's when. So plan for it. So we're not beating ourselves up. It's an opportunity to say, wasn't that interesting? That's not working anymore. I, I enjoyed it. We often have patterns. So like for me it's usually about a week and things become not as sparkly and I have to find ways to create more interest and a little more energy to go into something. And I just know that's my brain so I don't beat myself up. I'm just like, oh, okay, well next week that's not going to work anymore. So let me go ahead and plan a different reward or, you know, ask somebody to go with me or whatever it is. So plan for it. The goal is to notice when it happens and ask, what would make this sparkly again? That's one of my favorite self coaching questions. Well, sparkly again and just allow yourself some space. Your brain will answer you. Just ask yourself the question and notice what comes up for you and then write it so we don't forget. Remember, successful routines are rewarding. They're flexible and they're always a bit of bit sparkly. They got a little sparkle in them. Yeah. All right, that's it for that. Now for the book of the week. I don't if I talk to you about this one. This was a really kept me awake at night. I don't know if, if I would recommend reading. Unless like this is a kind of thing. You're like sh. No big deal. It's called the Breakin by Katherine Faulkner and here's just a one sentence description of it. After killing an intruder in self defense, a wealthy London mom must unravel an increasingly terrifying mystery. Oh, it. I'm not giving anything away. That's like literally the very beginning of the book, but it's like during A play date. Oh, my God. That she has, like, other moms and kids over. It was terrifying. I had multiple dreams about somebody breaking in. And like, I had small kids again in the dream. It was awful, but it did, you know, kind of you're trying to solve it and going forth. And I gave it three and a half out of five stars. Definitely pulled me in and was very engaging. Just a little stressful if you're going to be reading it as you nod off. I definitely had a few dreams trying to read it. Yeah, I know. I don't. I know better than to read things like that. But scary things at night. I don't know why I. The break in. Why was I not concerned about that? I don't know. But yeah, I enjoyed it. And then now for my quote of the week. This is from Aristotle. Funny, I'm quoting Aristotle all of these years later. And this ties to our routines. He says we are what we repeatedly do. I love that. Because if you think about it, what you repeatedly do does kind of define what you. What you are. Whether you're constantly moving, whether you're constantly creating, you know, learning, whatever it is that you. That you do consistently is very closely tied to your identity. So that routine can really support you in becoming more aligned with what you value most and what you most are looking for in your life. That's it for this episode. As always, take what works for you. Leave the rest behind. And if you're looking for more support, check out ADHD friendly.com until next time. Tally ho, Sam.