ADHD-ish Podcast: When A Prospect Ghosts You (and Your ADHD Brain Won't Let It Go)

Host: Diann Wingert
Date: September 9, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Diann Wingert addresses a topic all-too-familiar for neurodivergent entrepreneurs: the agony of being “ghosted” by potential clients. With warmth and candor, she unpacks why this experience hits extra hard for ADHD brains, how the quest for closure can spiral into rumination, and—most importantly—practical strategies to prevent emotional fallout and recover when it happens. Blending her expertise in psychotherapy, coaching, and small business ownership, Diann reframes ghosting as merely “data, not judgment,” and empowers listeners to redirect their mental energies for greater business resilience.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Why Ghosting Hits ADHD Brains So Hard

• Hyper-empathy & Pattern Recognition:
  • Those with ADHD traits often excel at reading people, sensing unspoken cues, and connecting authentically.
  • “We're naturally empathetic. Sometimes, annoyingly so. Many of us pick up on emotional cues that others miss. We’re pattern recognizers…” (02:00)
• The Unique Pain of Disconnection:
  • When ghosted—especially after “great” discovery calls—ADHDers can spiral, doubting their intuition and value.
  • “When we're confident in our read on others and then get ghosted, it doesn't just sting financially. It can make us question one of our core strengths.” (08:30)
• Open Loops & Mental Overload:
  • ADHD brains crave closure; uncertainty acts like open browser tabs, draining mental “RAM.”
  • “Think of it as though your brain is a computer with too many browser tabs open. Each unanswered question is another tab.” (11:30)
• Rejection Sensitivity:
  • Ghosting triggers the “fire alarm” of rejection sensitivity, a distinct challenge in ADHD, magnifying emotional responses.

2. It’s (Usually) Not About You

• Diann underscores that most ghosting has nothing to do with your skills, energy, or intention.
  • Real-life examples: budget changes, personal crises, business partners pivoting, health emergencies.
  • “Most of the time, ghosting has absolutely nothing to do with you or your abilities. People ghost for all kinds of reasons…” (13:50)
• Key mindset shift:
  • Seekers of closure need to recognize there may be no puzzle to solve—other people’s lives are simply happening outside your purview.

3. Preventing the Ghost Loop: Tactical Approaches

• Set Communication Expectations [16:20]:
  • Be explicit at the end of calls: “I am confident I can help you... If you're ready to make a decision, when would you like to start?”
  • Gives prospects permission to ask for more time, share constraints, or clarify decision-making processes.
• Follow-Up Summaries [18:40]:
  • After a call, send a summary email recapping the client’s goals and your proposed solutions.
  • This doubles as a memory aid and reality-check if anxiety resurfaces.
• Structured Follow-Ups [20:20]:
  • Build check-ins into your process: “I’ll send the proposal Tuesday and check in Friday.”
  • This creates a professional follow-up cadence, reducing “should I?” anxiety.

4. Reframing Ghosting as Data, Not Judgment

• Ghosting provides information about others’ communication, decision-making, and current circumstances—not your worth.
• “If someone ghosts you, they're telling you something about their decision making process and their communication style, maybe also their current capacity. Notice none of those things is a reflection of your worth or abilities.” (23:10)

5. Managing Rejection Sensitivity and Rumination

• Name It [27:00]:
  • Acknowledge: “My brain is trying to close an open loop. My brain is trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle.”
• Time-Limited Obsessing [29:00]:
  • Set a 15-minute timer to consciously ruminate, journal, or talk; then stop and move on.
• Physical Reset [30:35]:
  • Engage your body post-rumination: “Play with the dog. Go for a walk. Do some jumping jacks.”
• Follow-Up Boundaries [32:10]:
  • One professional, assumption-of-positive-intent check-in email, then emotionally close the loop.
  • Quote: “Send one email that assumes positive intent... After you send this one, follow up, you close the loop yourself mentally. You've done your part.” (32:50)

6. Long-Term Recovery and Growth

• Seek Patterns, Not Blame [35:00]:
  • Reflect on commonalities: Do repeated reschedules foreshadow ghosting? Adjust investment/expectations accordingly.
  • “I noticed I was getting ghosted more often by people who rescheduled their free consultation more than once. That’s now a yellow flag for me.” (36:40)
• Keep the Pipeline Full [38:00]:
  • Multiple prospects alleviate overinvestment in outcomes with any one lead.
• Separate Worth from Results [38:55]:
  • “One prospect ghosting you never means you’re bad at business. It never means your services aren’t valued.”
  • Empowering mantra: “Keep my eyes on the windshield, not the rearview mirror.” (40:20)
• Channel Energy into New Opportunities [41:05]:
  • Counter obsessive loops by doing proactive business-building (e.g., networking, sharing resources, starting fresh lead gen).

7. Personal Story: When Diann Lost 10,000 Social Media Followers

• Being Hacked [42:05]:
  • Diann lost access to accounts overnight—ghosted by Meta’s support, and extorted by hackers.
  • She redirected her obsessive energy into learning SEO with Meg Casebolt, rebuilding her business pipeline outside social platforms:
  • “Turns out getting hacked was the push I needed to stop depending on platforms I had no control over and start building something that actually worked.” (46:50)
  • The story became a metaphor for resilience: use setbacks as redirection towards new, controllable opportunities.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We're not just going through the motions or trying to make a buck. We genuinely care about helping people solve their problems.” — Diann (03:45)
• “When someone ghosts me after I feel we've had a great call, my brain doesn't just wonder what happened. It goes straight to: how did I get this so wrong? It literally affects my identity.” — Diann (09:54)
• “Think of it as though your brain is a computer with too many browser tabs open. Each unanswered question is another tab.” — Diann (11:30)
• “Remembering that ghosting is data, not judgment.” — Diann (23:11)
• “You don't try to fight it. You give yourself permission—with limits.” — Diann, on setting a timer for rumination (29:25)
• “The ball’s in your court.” — Diann, on sending the final professional follow-up email (33:40)
• “Keep my eyes on the windshield, not the rearview mirror.” — Diann (40:20)
• “Finding a client who actually wants to work with you is the best response to being ghosted.” — Diann (41:40)
• “Turns out getting hacked was the push I needed to stop depending on platforms I had no control over and start building something that actually worked.” — Diann (46:50)
• “Your empathy, your intuition, and your ability to connect with people. These are still your strengths. Getting ghosted by prospects does not change that.” — Diann (52:00)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:00 — The uniquely ADHD empathy advantage
• 08:30 — When ghosting undermines core strengths
• 11:30 — Open loops and the browser tab metaphor
• 13:50 — Why ghosting is (usually) not about you
• 16:20 — Setting clear communication expectations
• 20:20 — Professional follow-up strategies
• 23:11 — Ghosting as data, not judgment
• 27:00 — Naming and interrupting rumination
• 32:10 — The “one professional check-in” rule
• 35:00 — Looking for “yellow flags” and patterns
• 41:05 — Redirecting energy into new leads
• 42:05 — Losing 10k social followers and turning it around
• 46:50 — SEO as a resilience move; building what you control
• 52:00 — Closing encouragement and episode takeaways

Tone and Style

Diann is candid, direct, validating, and often wry. She normalizes messy feelings and brings compassionate humor to the reality of business disappointments. The episode is brisk, practical, occasionally peppered with explicit language for emphasis (“vague AF,” “cricket so loud you think you’re in a nature documentary”), and always action-oriented.

Actionable Takeaways

• Set clear next steps at the end of calls
• Use follow-up summaries as both client service and self-assurance
• Build structured, expectation-framing follow-ups; don’t over-pursue ghosters
• Reframe ghosting as information, not a personal verdict
• Limit rumination using time and physical movement
• Keep your prospect pipeline full
• Separate your self-worth from individual business outcomes
• Use setbacks (even big ones like getting hacked) as triggers for positive redirection

Final Reminder

“Your empathy, your intuition, and your ability to connect with people. These are still your strengths. Getting ghosted by prospects does not change that. Most of the time, ghosting says way more about them than it does about you…” (52:00)

Redirect your energy towards people who are ready, build more resilient systems, and remember: your neurodivergent edge is your business superpower.