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You know that feeling when a discovery call or free consultation is going amazingly well? You're vibing with the prospect, they're nodding along, asking really good questions, and you could practically feel them slipping their credit card out of their wallet to say, let's do this. So you send over the proposal, feeling confident as hell, and then nothing. Nada. Radio silence, cricket so loud you think you're in a nature documentary, your brain immediately goes into overdrive. Did I completely misread that conversation? Did I say something wrong? Should I follow up? Did they find someone else? Are they busy or are they actually avoiding me? If you have adhd, getting ghosted by prospects doesn't just sting, it can send your brain into a massive downward spiral. So today I'm talking about why this kind of situation hits us so damn hard, and more importantly, how to prevent it and how to recover when your mind gets stuck in the ghost loop. So before we get into why ghosting messes with our heads, let's acknowledge something important. We're actually pretty good at connecting with people. And I don't mean in a participation trophy kind of way. I mean for real. Most of us with ADHD tend to have genuine advantages when it comes to client relationships. We're naturally empathetic. Sometimes, annoyingly, so many of us pick up on emotional cues that others miss. We're pattern recognizers, which means we can often read between the lines of someone is really saying versus what they think they should be saying. Now, this isn't true of everyone with ADHD traits, but quite a few of us genuinely excel in these areas. We're also authentic in a way that many people find really refreshing. When we're interested in helping someone, it comes across we're not just going through the motions or trying to make a buck. We genuinely care about helping people solve their problems. Let me give you an example from my own business. Last year, I had a free consultation with someone who was saying all the right things about wanting to work on their executive functioning challenges and their emotional regulation that was affecting both clients and their team. But something just felt off. They were asking really detailed questions about my background, about my credentials. But when I asked about their goals for working together, their answers were vague. AF well, my ADHD brain picked up on this, and instead of just continuing along with the consultation, I followed my curiosity and I asked different questions. Well, turns out they weren't ready to invest in coaching. They were dealing with some really major personal stuff and were just exploring options as a way of feeling like they were taking action. We had an honest conversation about where they actually were. And while we didn't work together then, they felt really good about the connection and about me leaving the door open to reconnecting at a later time. So that nine months later, when they were truly ready, we did work together. When we're confident in our read on others and then get ghosted, it doesn't just sting financially. It can make us question one of our core strengths. It's like you're a really good cook and someone comes for dinner and leaves most of the food on their plate with no expectation. I don't know about you, but my brain would go, wait, do I actually suck at this? But here's the thing about adhd. We are wired to seek closure. It's part of how our executive functioning works or doesn't work. It's like we're mental detectives who can't rest until we solve the case. Except in this scenario, there is no case to solve. Think of it as though your brain is a computer with too many browser tabs open. Each unanswered question is another tab. And all of these open tabs consume processing power in the background. Why didn't they respond? What did I do wrong? Should I follow up? Again, these tabs just stay open and keep running, slowing down everything else you're trying to do. And when you add in rejection sensitivity, which is basically our nervous system's fire alarm going off every time we perceive even a hint of of rejection, and you've got a perfect storm. Rejection sensitivity doesn't care if the ghosting is about you or not. It just knows that you expected one thing and got another, and it interprets that thing as rejection. Now, for me, this gets amplified because I have pretty high expectations of myself. I know I'm intuitive. I know that I've helped hundreds of people, and I've got the experience and some pretty hefty credentials to back it all up. So when someone ghosts me after I feel we've had a great call, my brain doesn't just wonder what happened. It goes straight to, how did I get this so wrong? It literally affects my identity. But here's what I've learned. Most of the time, ghosting has absolutely nothing to do with you or your abilities. People ghost for all kinds of reasons that have zero connection to whether you're good at what you do or whether they were seriously interested in working with you. Maybe their budget got cut the day after your call. Maybe their business partner decided to go in a different direction. Maybe they're dealing with a family crisis. Maybe they got overwhelmed by making the decision and were too embarrassed to admit it. Or they found out their partner got laid off and half their family income just dropped. I had one potential client who ghosted me completely and I found out months later through a mutual connection I didn't even know we had. They had been diagnosed with a serious health issue the day after our call. Everything else in their life, including business decisions and hiring a coach, obviously went on hold while they dealt with recovering. It had nothing to do with me or our connection or whether I could help them. So remember your curious pattern seeking ADHD brain wants to solve the puzzle. But in a situation like this there is no puzzle to solve. There's just life happening to other people in ways that you can't see and you can't control. Okay, so obviously we can't control what prospects do after we talk to them, but we can set ourselves up to feel less crazy when things don't go as expected. Here are the three things that I've implemented in my own business and recommend to my one on one coaching clients. First and foremost, get clear about communication expectations during the actual call Years ago I used to end my free consultations with something pretty vague like, well, I'll send you the information and we can take it from there. What the hell does that even mean? Now I'm specific. I said to a recent consultation, based on everything we've discussed in this call, I am confident that I can help you. I also think we would work really well together. So if you're ready to make a decision, when would you like to start? This does two things. It gives them permission to let you know they need more time. And I know quite a few people with ADHD who have an agreement with their spouse that they do not make decisions right then and there. They have a 24 hour sleep on it rule and I respect that. But I wouldn't know if I didn't ask. So it gives them permission to let me know I need more time. I have a history of making impulsive decisions and I want to wait until tomorrow or my spouse and I have an agreement that we never spend over X number of dollars without hitting the pause button first, whatever it may be. Or they just need the process, but it gives them a chance to tell you. You know what else it does? It gives my brain a clearer framework for expectations. I also recommend that you send a follow up email that summarizes what you heard them say about their challenges and goals. This is not just good practice, it's insurance for the memory issues we have with the ADHD brain. So when they don't respond and you start spiraling, you can go back and check that email and remember, yeah, I'm not making this up. They did say they wanted help with X, Y and Z and in that email I tell them how I would help them with those issues. And third, build in check in points instead of sending a contract and hoping for the best. So for example, you might say I'll send you the proposal on Tuesday and then check in Friday to see if you're ready to get started or if any additional questions have come up. This gives you a reason to follow up that looks and feels professional instead of desperate. But here's the mindset piece that I think is even more important and that is this remembering that ghosting is data, not judgment. If someone ghosts you, they're telling you something about their decision making process and their communication style, maybe also their current capacity. Do you notice that none of those things is a reflection of your worth or abilities? So many adults with ADHD tendencies have a long and cringeworthy history of making decisions involving large sums of money that didn't go well over time. So while they might have been 100% confident about working with you during the call, they have open loops too, as well as negative thought patterns that might have hijacked them immediately afterwards. Again, this has nothing to do with you. Another thing that helps is keeping multiple prospects in your pipeline. Now I know this is easier said than done, depending on your business model, and especially if you're just getting started. But just like with dating, having other irons in the fire can make an individual ghosting experience sting less. If you're only talking to one person and they disappear, it can feel devastating. If you have several consultations or discovery calls scheduled, you're disappointed, but it's not catastrophic. And finally, practice separating your worth from any single outcome. I know this is hard, especially hard for people who struggle with rejection sensitivity. But one prospect Ghosting you never means you're bad at business. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you're talking about. It never means your services aren't valued. And it should never mean that you question everything you think you know about connecting with people. Now all that I've talked about so far is prevention. And let's get real. Sometimes prevention isn't enough. Sooner or later you may find yourself lying in bed at 2 or 3am Wondering if you should send one more follow up email. Here's what to do when your brain gets stuck in that loop. First, name it. Name what's happening. And unless you're going to wake up somebody who's sleeping in the same room when you wake up at 2am, say it out loud. My brain is trying to close an open loop. My brain is trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle. Just calling it for what it is can help you begin to interrupt that rumination cycle. It's like telling your brain, I see what you're doing here, and it's not helpful. Second, set a time limit for obsessing and ruminating. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I cannot tell you how powerful it is. Set a timer for 15 minutes. You're either going to think about it, journal about it, or talk about it with someone else. When the timer goes off, you're done for the day. If you need to do it again tomorrow, so be it. But it's actually pretty hard to fill 15 minutes when you decide to give yourself permission to obsess and ruminate. I have known this to I never like to use the word cure, but severely curtail people who would spend way too much time obsessing and ruminating about getting ghosted. You don't try to fight it. You give yourself permission with limits. Third, do something physical, especially if you give yourself the 15 minutes and use all of it. Immediately after the timer goes off, get up and move your body. It could be anything. Play with the dog. Go for a walk. Do some jumping jacks. Reorganize your fricking sock drawer. It doesn't matter what. It just matters that you get out of your head and into your body. Physical movement when you are obsessing is like hitting the reset button when your computer is stuck. Now a word about following up. Here's my rule, and I encourage you to at least consider it. One professional Check in and then you're done. Send one email that assumes positive intent. Something like hey, so and so. I wanted to check in about the proposal I sent. I know these decisions can take time, so no pressure. Just let me know if you're ready to move forward, have questions, or if there's a better time to revisit this conversation. Notice what this email does not do. It does not apologize for following up. It doesn't ask if they're still interested, and it doesn't try to create a sense of urgency. It's professional. It assumes they're busy rather than avoiding you, and it gives them an easy out. After you send this one, follow up, you close the loop yourself mentally You've done your part. You've been professional and persistent without being pushy. Whatever happens next is about them, not you. And when I do this myself, I will literally send the email and say out loud the ball's in your court. For longer term recovery, you need to process the rejection sensitivity piece. This is where working with a therapist or a coach who really understands ADHD can be incredibly valuable. Not all of us struggle with rejection sensitivity to the same degree, but it's always real, it's neurologically based, and it may not be something you can think or trick your way out of. You know what else you can do? Look for patterns in the situations where you tend to get ghosted. Are there red flags you might have missed? Are there questions you could have asked earlier to better qualify your prospects? This is not about blaming yourself, it's about learning from data you already have. And obviously it's best done when you've gained some emotional distance from your most recent ghosting experience. Let me give you an example. I noticed that I was getting ghosted more often by people who rescheduled their free consultation more than once. I started seeing it as a yellow flag. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but a sign that this person might be having trouble making decisions or sticking to them, which makes them not an ideal client for me. Now when someone seems to have trouble being able to sign up for the call and follow through on that commitment, I'm not going to cancel them, but I will adjust my expectations accordingly. I will always be helpful and professional, but I'm not going to invest as much emotional energy or expectations in the outcome. The most important thing is to channel the mental energy into new opportunities instead of circling back and trying to resurrect the dead. When I catch myself obsessing over someone who ghosted me, I make myself do one thing to generate a new lead. Maybe I'll reach out to someone who works with my target market in a non competitive way and see if they know anyone they'd like to refer. Maybe I'll comment thoughtfully on someone's LinkedIn post, or I'll share a helpful resource with someone in my network. Just as good karma that keeps the marketing engine moving, One of my mantras is to keep my eyes on the windshield, not the rearview mirror. It's like that old saying about living well is the best revenge. Except in this case, finding a client who actually wants to work with you is the best response to being ghosted. Now speaking of redirecting your energy when you just can't close that open Loop. I want to tell you about a time I lost 10,000 followers overnight to some assholes who who then tried to charge me several hundred dollars to get them back. I had spent three years, plus or minus, building my following on Instagram and Facebook. I hit the magical 10k mark and felt like I'm finally getting somewhere with social media. And then literally woke up one morning and it was gone. My accounts had been hacked overnight. Meta's response? Nothing. No explanation, no help. Just radio silence. Meanwhile, the hackers had the audacity to email me repeatedly, pretending to work for Meta, even showing me screenshots of fake meta customer service badges and offering to provide me with an access code to regain access to my accounts for hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Talk about an open loop. I had no idea what went wrong, why it happened, if I had made myself vulnerable in some way, or how to fix it. My brain was obsessing over every possibility. Should I pay the extortionists? Should I start those accounts over from scratch? Or should I spend hours trying to navigate Meta's non existent customer service? Well, eventually my gut said, hell no, I am not negotiating with terrorists. And my ADHD brain said, well, if I can't figure this out, then I'm going to go all in on something else. Because I've learned that I can be a world class ruminator and my ADHD bias for action will eventually pull me into wanting to do something. That's when I started working with Meg Casebolt on SEO. So instead of spinning my wheels trying to solve an unsolvable problem, I put that energy into building something that I had more control over. Less than A year later, 40% of the people who apply to work with me say they found me through online search. SEO works. Turns out getting hacked was the push I needed to stop depending on platforms I had no control over and start building something that actually worked. I'm telling you this because Meg is running a five day challenge called Findable Everywhere. It's coming up very soon, September 15th through the 19th, and it's only $97. So not only will you get tremendous value in those five days for less than a hundred bucks, you can even apply that amount to the cost of her year long membership, the one I'm in. And that has done my business so much good. So if you've been stuck in the social media hamster wheel or you're just tired of having your business depend on platforms that could quite literally disappear tomorrow, this challenge is for you. There's a link to sign up for it in the show notes. But please don't wait, because September 15th is literally right around the corner. And before you go, here's what I want you to remember from this episode. Your empathy, your intuition, and your ability to connect with people. These are still your strengths. Getting ghosted by prospects does not change that. Most of the time, ghosting says way more about them than it does about you. People are dealing with stuff you can't see. Budgets change, priorities shift. Life happens. Your job is to be professional, persistent, without being pushy, and then redirect that mental energy towards people who are actually ready to work with you now. And while you're at it, build some systems that don't depend on any one person's decision, like getting found through search. Instead of hoping the algorithm gods will smile on your social media posts.