Ghosts | 8

Summary

---

Adrift – Episode 8: Ghosts

Podcast: Adrift
Host: Becky Milligan (Apple TV / Blanchard House)
Date: December 15, 2025
Episode Theme:
This emotionally charged finale of Adrift recounts the Robertson family’s dramatic rescue after 38 harrowing days stranded in the Pacific Ocean—and explores the deep, lasting consequences for each survivor. The episode masterfully intertwines the story of their salvation, personal reckonings with guilt, forgiveness, and the enduring impact of both trauma and extraordinary survival.

---

Episode Overview

The episode opens in contemporary Japan, where host Becky Milligan and Douglas Robertson revisit the site of the family’s rescue to meet Captain Kyoto Suzuki, the man who saved them five decades prior. Flashbacks reconstruct the moment the drifting Robertsons were spotted by the Tokamaru, a Japanese tuna fishing vessel, and follow the family’s reintegration into society and the unraveling of their family life in the years that followed. The episode closes with an emotional reunion between Douglas Robertson and Captain Suzuki, underscoring themes of forgiveness, gratitude, and closure.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Ordeal’s End: Spotting the Ship

• Dire Conditions: After 38 days at sea, the family is gravely weakened; Sandy is especially close to death from suspected pneumonia.
  [03:18-04:19]

  • Dougal Robertson: “A few more days of this and it would kill him.” [04:19]

• Moment of Hope and Desperation:
  The family sights a ship on the horizon. Their two remaining signal flares are their last hope for survival.

  • Multiple family members repeatedly exclaim the miraculous sighting:
    “Dad, there’s a ship.” - Neil and Sandy Robertson [05:07-05:10]

  • The last flare is thrown, and the family prays and whistles frantically for attention.

    • Becky Milligan: “All six watch and wait. Unable to breathe.” [06:58]
    • Douglas Robertson: “Something happened in that moment. Something glorious… The ship altered course.” [07:30-07:54]

• Emotional Release:

  • Neil Robertson: “We’ve done it. Yeah, we’ve done it.” [08:49]
  • Robin: “Yes, we’ve done it.” [08:52]

2. Rescue by the Tokamaru Crew

• The Rescue Sequence:
  From the perspective of Captain Suzuki and crew, the family is spotted thanks to the red flare. There’s confusion, speculation about pirates, then disbelief at seeing children so far from land.

  • Kyoto Suzuki: “I could see a woman and children… astonished… what they were doing so far out in the ocean?” [11:00-11:27]

• Aboard the Tokamaru:
  The emaciated, exhausted survivors can hardly walk and are carried to safety.

  • Sandy Robertson: “I fell over, couldn’t walk.” [14:00]
  • Dougal Robertson: “An hour before I had been ready to accept death. Now I was being reborn.” [14:48]

• Cultural Barriers & Kindness:

  • The language gap is bridged with gestures and kindness.
    • Kyoto Suzuki: “We didn’t speak the same language. But on board, everyone is like family.” [17:47]
  • The family, covered in the smell of survival, are welcomed with hot showers, clean clothes, and fresh food.
    • Sandy Robertson: “These people were so kind to us.” [17:02]

• Navigation Achievement:

  • Becky Milligan: “Dougal’s incredible feat has been to navigate 750 miles with just the sun and the stars to guide him.” [19:24]
  • Douglas Robertson: “Six days and we would have hit land.” [19:43]

3. Rescued… But Not Unscathed: Aftermath and Trauma

• Sudden Return to Civilization:
  Back in Panama, the family faces immediate press attention and the painful truth that their old life is gone—their home was sold to fund the voyage.

  • Sandy Robertson: “We haven’t got anything. We got nothing.” [26:47]
  • Becky Milligan: “They’re expected to fit straight back into normal life.” [27:10]
  • Sandy, on returning to school: “Kids are mean… And I’m just thinking, I wish I was on that boat.” [27:20-27:40]

• Family Fracture and Blame:

  • Dougal is wracked with guilt for risking his children’s lives; Lyn blames him.
    • Douglas Robertson: “She couldn’t forgive him. She just couldn’t stop herself.” [28:57]
  • Their marriage unravels, leading to separation and deep emotional wounds for all.
    • Anne Robertson: “It’s a traumatic point in a child’s life when that happens.” [29:47]
    • Douglas Robertson: “He felt the guilt because he nearly watched his children die in front of him and he was responsible for that.” [29:19]

• Lingering Mental Health Impact:

  • Lyn nearly takes her own life; the trauma remains palpable.
    • Sandy Robertson: “She almost took her own life.” [31:39]
  • Generational effects as children struggle to forgive and understand.
    • Douglas Robertson: “He left me...I spent two years looking for my dad… realised he was never coming back.” [33:13-33:19]

4. Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Legacy

• Complicated Parental Bonds:

  • Even after Dougal’s abandonment, the family ultimately forgives, recognizing his flaws and their shared humanity.
    • Becky Milligan: “But you still love him.”
    • Douglas Robertson: “Yeah… Well, it was his loss, wasn’t it?” [34:30-34:41]

• End of Life and Reconciliation:

  • Dougal, dying of cancer, is visited by his children; tangible reminders of lost time and enduring love.

    • Douglas Robertson: “He pulled the drawer open and there was our pictures, us kids, the four of us, his children. He hadn’t forgotten us.” [35:46]

  • Lyn nurses Dougal in his final years, demonstrating their unbreakable connection, despite all:

    • Anne Robertson: “Mother never stopped loving me dad.” [37:17]
    • Sandy Robertson: “They are together and I think that’s where they should be.” [38:39]

5. The Final Reflections: The Meaning of Survival

• Gratitude and Resilience:

  • The survivors reflect on how the ordeal shaped them, how it defined their sense of courage, adventure, and what’s possible.

    • Douglas Robertson: “He gave us that feeling that anything is possible if you turn your mind to it.” [44:09]
    • Sandy Robertson: “Life is for living. I believe in life. It's there to be lived.” [44:47]

  • Not all feel the same: Neil struggles to see the positive.

    • Unknown family member (likely Neil): “Everything didn’t go that well, did it?… I flashbacked. I see Lucette at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Maybe when I die, maybe that's where we'll go back to Lucette. You don't know.” [45:15-45:30]

6. Closure: Reunion with Captain Suzuki

• Emotional Meeting, 52 Years Later:
  • Douglas Robertson finally meets Captain Suzuki, overwhelmed with gratitude, as if reuniting with his own father.
    • Douglas Robertson: “I walked up to him and I shook his hand firmly… I said to him, arigato, arigato, arigato. Thank you. And I felt like I was hugging my dad.” [46:42-47:49]
  • Becky Milligan: “Is it the moment when you can actually sort of almost let go a bit?”
    Douglas Robertson: “Yeah. It’s a completeness. And I feel so happy that I’ve been able to thank him.” [48:19-48:22]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It was the Japanese who had killed my young family.” — Dougal Robertson [21:47]
• “In a bizarre twist of fate, those same countrymen had saved the lives of me, my wife and my children, bestowing upon me the most valuable of gifts, the ability to forgive.” — Dougal Robertson [22:15]
• “This rope is not of our world.”— Douglas Robertson on the rescue [12:27]
• “You can't be more grateful.” — Douglas Robertson on Captain Suzuki & the crew [22:32]
• “They really were unique experiences. It’s part of you for the rest of your lives. And I think we’ve been through this together and we have this unique bond.” — Robin [39:51-40:19]
• “If you push the boat out, something will happen. It is fear of pushing the boat out that holds you back… I’ll take chances that other people wouldn’t take.” — Douglas Robertson [43:10]
• “Always dream about it… Like you're back on it.” — Sandy Robertson [44:13-44:18]
• “Mother never stopped loving me dad… They are together, and I think that’s where they should be.” — Sandy Robertson [37:17, 38:39]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Rescue sighting & signaling: 04:45–08:58
• Aboard the Tokamaru: 09:33–17:16
• Back to civilization & aftermath: 18:05–28:36
• Family matters and breakdown: 28:57–35:46
• Final reflections from survivors: 39:25–45:30
• Douglas’ reunion with Captain Suzuki: 46:01–48:22

---

Tone & Language

The episode preserves a tone of intimate candor; survivors speak plainly about trauma, guilt, forgiveness, and love. The storytelling is unsparing yet compassionate, capturing both the ordeal’s horror and the transcendent moments of grace and survival.

---

Concluding Thoughts

Adrift – Episode 8: Ghosts is a masterful conclusion to the series, offering not just the relief of survival but a nuanced portrait of what survival costs, means, and gives. Across the decades, the Robertsons’ experiences ripple through their lives—yielding wounds, wisdom, and, in the end, moments of gratitude and closure. The reunion with Captain Suzuki stands as a moving testament to the power of kindness and the enduring need for human connection, forgiveness, and memory.

Transcript

[Becky Milligan]

Thirteenth of April, a Saturday. 2024. Kesennuma, a major fishing port in northeast Japan. It's taken about five hours to get here from Tokyo. First by bullet train, then car. It's a beautiful day. Blue sky, and we've caught the tail end of the cherry blossom season. We take the road out of town, passing by a few houses, then fields and farms, and on through thick forest up into the mountains which surround the port. Look behind and the view of the Pacific is spectacular. It's midday when we arrive at a small cafe. We've come all this way, many thousands of miles, to meet a man in his late 80s. Mr. Suzuki is polite and friendly, bowing and smiling, maybe a little embarrassed. We've traveled halfway around the world to meet him. We sit down, order coffee and tea, and he starts to tell me his story.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

My name is Kyoto Suzuki. I am 88 years old. I was born on January 22, 1936 in Karakua village, northeast Japan, looking out over the Pacific Ocean not far from here. My family was a typical coastal village family. They worked on a farm and also at sea. Life was basic. My father was a fisherman. I had 10 brothers and sisters. We all went to school, but we also all had to work in the fields on the farms. Everyone had to help rebuild Japan after the war. It was a hard time. I followed in my father's footsteps and when I was 16, I became a fisherman. I was ambitious. I really wanted to be a sea captain, be in charge of my own ship. And when I was 24, I got my captain's license and from then on I spent most of my working life at sea.

[Becky Milligan]

This is adrift an apple original podcast produced by blanchard house. I'm becky milligan. Episode 8 ghosts. 38 days adrift. Neil and Sandy are both emaciated and Sandy's cough is now so bad that Lynn worries it's turned into pneumonia.

[Dougal Robertson]

During the night, Sandy's coughing got worse and he'd begun to bring up phlegm. He'd drift off for a couple of hours until another bout of coughing shook his body awake. I knew that a few more days of this and it would kill him.

[Douglas Robertson]

Clouds had started to gather. It looked like it was going to rain.

[Dougal Robertson]

I looked past the sail and caught sight of something that wasn't the sea. There's a ship over there.

[Douglas Robertson]

Almost casually, they all stop talking. Dad, did you just say there was a ship over there?

[Dougal Robertson]

Yes, a ship.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

A ship.

[Douglas Robertson]

Bloody hell. There's a ship.

[Neil Robertson]

A ship. Dad, there's a ship.

[Sandy Robertson]

There's a Ship.

[Neil Robertson]

A ship. A ship. A ship.

[Robin]

What is there really a boat?

[Becky Milligan]

They all try and get up to have a look.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

Careful.

[Dougal Robertson]

Can't catch ice down.

[Becky Milligan]

The sharks are right there.

[Neil Robertson]

Keep still. Just keep still.

[Dougal Robertson]

Hand me a flare.

[Becky Milligan]

Hand me a flare.

[Douglas Robertson]

We've got two hand flares left.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal is shaking as he lights. Burns bright red and he holds it as high as he can above his head. But it doesn't last long.

[Douglas Robertson]

It fizzled out and was gonna. It's not going to stop.

[Anne Robertson]

No.

[Neil Robertson]

Dear God.

[Douglas Robertson]

Over here.

[Neil Robertson]

Over here. Stop. Don't go. Stop.

[Dougal Robertson]

We were about to be left behind a second time.

[Neil Robertson]

Don't leave us.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

Please.

[Neil Robertson]

Don't leave us here.

[Becky Milligan]

Damn them. Dougal grabs the other flare.

[Douglas Robertson]

This was the last flare. It was all or nothing. It lit straight away. Red hot.

[Becky Milligan]

He waves it back and forth.

[Douglas Robertson]

It was burning his hands.

[Becky Milligan]

He can't hold it any longer.

[Dougal Robertson]

I threw the flare high into the earth. We watched in silence as it curved in a brilliant arc and dropped into the sea.

[Becky Milligan]

All six watch and wait. Unable to breathe.

[Douglas Robertson]

Too scared to talk. She was praying out loud.

[Becky Milligan]

Lord, see us.

[Douglas Robertson]

See us.

[Becky Milligan]

See us.

[Douglas Robertson]

She was begging.

[Becky Milligan]

Please see us. In the name of Jesus, please. Lynn gives Douglas the whistle.

[Douglas Robertson]

See us, for Christ's sake. See? Something happened in that moment. Something glorious happened. She altered course. The ship altered course. Dad just altered course.

[Dougal Robertson]

I was barely able to look.

[Douglas Robertson]

I could almost hear his heart beating. She altered course again. She was now pointing straight at us.

[Robin]

And it was coming towards us like.

[Neil Robertson]

A great white bird.

[Becky Milligan]

So unreal. Like a mirage.

[Douglas Robertson]

They must have seen us. This could be it.

[Neil Robertson]

Have they seen us, Dad? I think they've seen us, dad.

[Douglas Robertson]

There was now no doubt about it. And I whistled harder.

[Robin]

The feeling of disbelief.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal sees the ship's flag.

[Sandy Robertson]

And my dad just sat down.

[Douglas Robertson]

This was it.

[Neil Robertson]

We've done it. Yeah, we've done it.

[Robin]

Yes, we've done it.

[Douglas Robertson]

We just looked at each other. We were gonna be saved. The joy of that moment and the words that I'd waited for my dad to say from. From the beginning.

[Dougal Robertson]

Our ordeal.

[Becky Milligan]

Half an hour earlier. The Tokamaru, a Japanese tuner ship. It's been a tough couple of months. They shouldn't really be here at all. They're off course after engine trouble. Now they're heading for Panama. On board, the 20 crew are eating their evening meal with their captain, Kyoto Suzuki.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We ate supper rather early. We ate a lot and we filled our stomachs. Then we went out on deck to cool down and enjoy the sunset, including.

[Becky Milligan]

The ship's radio operator Yoshito Kashiwa it.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

Was not yet dark.

[Becky Milligan]

Nothing unusual, nothing to report.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

And then one of the guys on deck saw some smoke. We could see red smoke in the distance. What is it?

[Becky Milligan]

They have no idea.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

Could it be pirates?

[Kyoto Suzuki]

Then someone said, there's something strange drifting over there.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

We were all wondering what it was.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We took out our binoculars. It's a boat. There are people in it. I can see people.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

The captain shouted, head for the boat. And he ordered us to alter course. We'd never seen anything like this before. So we approached with caution.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

I thought it can't be true. I could see a woman. I could see a woman and children getting bigger and bigger through my binoculars. I was astonished that there were children on board. Such small children. I was wondering what they were doing so far out in the ocean.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

We could see a man, a woman and children. We thought they were a family drifting in a lifeboat and they needed to be rescued.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

I was determined that we should save them. As we got closer, we maneuvered our ship very carefully. We didn't want to hit them.

[Douglas Robertson]

A black snaking rope landed across the dinghy and it was oily and dirty. And I thought to myself, this rope is not of our world. And I grabbed it and I hung onto it.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We pulled on the rope to bring their boat next to ours.

[Dougal Robertson]

And we were so soon alongside them.

[Becky Milligan]

The dinghy is dwarfed by the 300 ton tokamaru. All the crew are crowded on the deck.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

When I saw what they were wearing, I realized that they must have been on the sea for a long time.

[Dougal Robertson]

They pointed at our emaciated children, craning their necks to get a better view.

[Douglas Robertson]

They were looking at us and we were looking at them.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

There was like a thousand paired eyes looking at us. They were all looking at us, all staring at us.

[Sandy Robertson]

And then these hands came over the.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

Side and we pulled them up one by one.

[Becky Milligan]

First Neil, then Sandy.

[Sandy Robertson]

Next person was Robin, then Douglas, then.

[Becky Milligan]

Mum.

[Sandy Robertson]

And then dad.

[Becky Milligan]

They try to stand up.

[Sandy Robertson]

I fell over, couldn't walk.

[Robin]

My legs collapsed.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Your legs had gone.

[Douglas Robertson]

We just collapsed on the deck.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

They just sat down the floor. They were weak.

[Becky Milligan]

They've been crammed into the tiny dinghy. Sitting down the whole time.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Your legs aren't working anymore.

[Sandy Robertson]

And I crawled over to where Neil was.

[Becky Milligan]

They've all survived. Parents Lynn and Dougal. Their 18 year old son Douglas. 11 year old twins Neil and Sandy. And 22 year old Robin, the only non family member. And they're all lying on the deck of the Japanese Ship, the crew looking down at them.

[Dougal Robertson]

I staggered to my feet and greeted the captain of the Japanese ship. I tried to show in my eyes and through simple signs just how thankful we were to him and his crew for spotting us. I hugged him, my eyes full of gratitude. I thought how lucky I was. An hour before, I had been ready to accept death. Now I was being reborn.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

The captain was about to cut the dinghy loose.

[Douglas Robertson]

Dougal begged them not to do it. He said, please don't sink it. It's got our food on. That was our food that we had fought so hard to get. We were not going to just give it away like that, you know.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

But the smell was so bad. So we turned the dinghy over and tipped all their dried fish meat into the sea.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

They didn't look. We had no idea where they were from or why they were there. We couldn't understand their language, but there.

[Becky Milligan]

Are some universal words. Shower. Shower.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

They stank of dried fish.

[Douglas Robertson]

They were horrified.

[Becky Milligan]

Shower.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

They're holding the noses.

[Douglas Robertson]

We smelled like dead animals.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We had plenty of hot water, so we sent them to the bath.

[Becky Milligan]

The Japanese crew carry the bony twins, lightest feathers to the hot seawater bath. Robin and Douglas stumble along behind.

[Douglas Robertson]

Suddenly we were in this hot bath with soap.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Oh, that bath.

[Neil Robertson]

Stop it, Douglas.

[Douglas Robertson]

We're laughing stupidly.

[Sandy Robertson]

Douglas being big brother again.

[Douglas Robertson]

Laughing and giggling.

[Sandy Robertson]

So joyful.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Oh, cleaning all that shit off.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

Then we gave them clean clothes.

[Sandy Robertson]

The kindness. These people were so kind to us.

[Becky Milligan]

There's food too. Not raw flesh or turtle blood.

[Douglas Robertson]

Coffee, orange juice. And bread. And butter.

[Sandy Robertson]

The bread with the butter on. Absolutely divine.

[Becky Milligan]

Weeks and weeks spent conjuring up imaginary meals for Dougal's kitchen. But bread and butter is enough. The captain takes Dougal to the bridge of the ship.

[Dougal Robertson]

I didn't speak Japanese. He didn't speak English.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We didn't speak the same language. But on board, everyone is like family.

[Becky Milligan]

Captain Suzuki needs to know who they are, where they come from and. And what happened. They have to report back to base as soon as possible.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

I showed him the World Atlas and he pointed to England. The flags of the countries were also on the atlas. And he pointed out the Union Jack.

[Becky Milligan]

The Union Jack. The UK flag.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

The father then drew a picture.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We understood they were trying to sail around the world, but their boat was hit by a whale.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal writes down all their names. And then the captain orders Yoshito Kashiwa, the radio operator, to send a report.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

At that time, there was no satellite communication and no radio telephone. Morse code was all we had.

[Becky Milligan]

Six.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

Stranded bridgeons.

[Becky Milligan]

Saved. Before heading to the shower, Dougal wants to know exactly where they are in the Pacific.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

We were looking at the sea chart. I pointed out where we were and he pointed to where he thought we were. We realized that his calculation was only slightly out.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal's incredible feat has been to navigate 750 miles with just the sun and the stars to guide him. Not drifting in the currents or being blown around by the wind, but sailing towards land. They had less than 300 miles to go.

[Douglas Robertson]

Six days and we would have hit land. We were just amazed that we were so close.

[Becky Milligan]

But would they have survived another six days?

[Dougal Robertson]

After shaking hands once more, the captain wrinkled his nose and pointed at my tattered clothes.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

Oh. Shower, shower.

[Becky Milligan]

Exhausted, they do as they're told.

[Dougal Robertson]

Lyn and I luxuriated in the deep tub. The simple joy of soap lathering in hot water felt like one of the greatest luxuries of civilized mankind.

[Sandy Robertson]

These lovely Japanese people made as a bed.

[Becky Milligan]

For the first time in 38 days, the Robertsons and Robin can lie down. Not sitting chest deep in seawater in the raft, or contorting their bodies to fit the shape of the hard dinghy. Not hungry or thirsty. Not praying for clouds to bring them water, or fearing them in case they bring storms. They are safe.

[Sandy Robertson]

We could lie down, stretch our legs out. Not touch anybody, not have anybody's feet lying on top of your feet, the weight of their leg crushing your leg. Bed. Blankets. Warmth. Rest. Rest. And then slowly, slowly, slowly. Life.

[Dougal Robertson]

Captain Suzuki and his wonderful crew brought the milk of human kindness to our tortured spirits and peace to our savage minds.

[Becky Milligan]

And it makes Dougal think again about the Japanese who he's blamed. For decades.

[Dougal Robertson]

It was the Japanese who had killed my young family.

[Douglas Robertson]

Dad hated the Japanese people with an angry vengeance.

[Dougal Robertson]

The better canker of revenge locked in my heart. Since this again was bombed by their Imperial war machine.

[Douglas Robertson]

Dougal's anger had survived 30 years. But he. He realized that the world had changed.

[Dougal Robertson]

In a bizarre twist of fate, those same countrymen had saved the lives of me, my wife and my children, bestowing upon me the most valuable of gifts, the ability to forgive.

[Douglas Robertson]

Now it was 1972 and the Japanese had saved him, and he found peace. You can't be more grateful.

[Dougal Robertson]

In the days that followed, we indulged in the luxury of drinking and eating wonderful food. As we slowly adjusted to life on board the Tokamaru, we had to exercise our swollen ankles and stick thin legs. Every day, as we learned how to.

[Sandy Robertson]

Walk again, we crept around like Old men punched over.

[Becky Milligan]

One morning Neil is staring out over the side of the Japanese ship, lost in his own thoughts and he said.

[Neil Robertson]

I missed that.

[Douglas Robertson]

Maybe they all do that daily fight for which the reward was your life. That had gone though the feeling of accomplishment with each turtle that we killed and each 10 miles that we'd sailed. The sun rises in the morning, the sunsets in the evening, the survivals of the nights, the collecting of the rainwater. All of that we missed.

[Dougal Robertson]

Took four days for Tucumaru to reach Balboa, by which time our legs were starting to work again and Sandy's cough had all but vanished.

[Becky Milligan]

28Th of July 1972.

[Douglas Robertson]

Back in civilization.

[Becky Milligan]

It'S four in the morning but there's a huge crowd to greet them.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

The world's press cumber us reporters. I was surprised to see such a crowd.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

I would never have expected to see so many people.

[Douglas Robertson]

People just looking at us.

[Becky Milligan]

That message sent by Yoshito Kashiwa, the radio operator. Six stranded Britain saved has gone around the world. Their front page news.

[Sandy Robertson]

The cameras just exploded. People are shouting. Didn't know what the hell was going on.

[Becky Milligan]

It's time to say goodbye to the Japanese. They all hug.

[Douglas Robertson]

My mother had been learning these Japanese words to say thank you.

[Becky Milligan]

Thank you. We shall not forget. Farewell.

[Dougal Robertson]

We would never be able to repay them.

[Yoshito Kashiwa]

Any fishing boat or any boat would do the same. If we find shipwreck, we must save the survivors. It is a very normal act, nothing special.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

I'm proud of what we did. I did something good and people speak well of me. I'm happy to hear that.

[Douglas Robertson]

We would never forget them.

[Dougal Robertson]

It was time for us to return to our world and they to theirs.

[Sandy Robertson]

Life changed in an instant.

[Becky Milligan]

We were homeless because Meadows Farm had been sold to pay for the trip. They don't have a home anymore and they don't have any money. They've come full circle back to England, back to where it all started.

[Sandy Robertson]

We haven't got anything. We got nothing.

[Dougal Robertson]

As a family, we would have to try and start over.

[Becky Milligan]

They stay with friends and family not far from Meadows Farm while looking for somewhere to live. The twins haven't fully recovered.

[Sandy Robertson]

Still thin, thin little arms, thin little legs.

[Becky Milligan]

And they're expected to fit straight back into normal life.

[Sandy Robertson]

We have to go back to school.

[Becky Milligan]

It's a massive culture shock.

[Sandy Robertson]

A buzz full of screaming kids. Who are you? What's your name? Oh yeah, I know you are. You're Robinson Crusoe. Kids are mean. First lesson at school. Religious education. There we were, little bald old man telling us about God. And I'm just thinking, I wish I was on that boat.

[Becky Milligan]

Neil can't concentrate at all.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

I just painted pictures of boats and seascapes.

[Becky Milligan]

In less than a year, Douglas is off to join the Merchant Navy, just like his dad. Anne has gone off to university and Lynn is left to deal with everything else. Dougal locks himself away writing a book about their shipwreck. A year later, in 1973, it's published, Survive the Savage Sea. It's a thumping success.

[Douglas Robertson]

My dad's life changed completely. He became a man of money. Never worked again in his life.

[Becky Milligan]

He buys a farm close to Meadow's farm. A fairy tale ending, But it's never that simple. Dougal feels guilty. Lynn blames him.

[Douglas Robertson]

She couldn't forgive him. She couldn't stop bitching at him. She just couldn't stop herself.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal is tortured.

[Douglas Robertson]

I said, dad, it doesn't matter. We survived. We're here now. We survived. He said, no, Douglas, I should never have put you through that.

[Becky Milligan]

He felt the guilt.

[Douglas Robertson]

He felt the guilt because he nearly watched his children die in front of him and he was responsible for that.

[Becky Milligan]

The arguments between Lynne and Dougal on the boat, well, they don't stop when they get home. It's like a wound that just won't heal. Their marriage crumbles and the time comes to tell the children. It's a painful moment for Anne, their daughter.

[Anne Robertson]

And I remember my mother told me that they weren't going to be together and I was so shocked that I immediately vomited. I ran to the toilet and vomited. I knew they weren't getting on very well together. So it is a traumatic point in a child's life when that happens. Neil and Sandy were broadsided by it and the rest of the family was sort of pushed away from it.

[Becky Milligan]

You said that your father was the love of your mother's life. Was your mother the love of your father's life?

[Anne Robertson]

Oh, yes. In their early life together, there was no doubt that they adored each other. They absolutely adored each other. But shit happens. Life happens. Life gets in the way.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

I'd fallen out with him about leaving my mother, you know, and I argued with my dad about that.

[Becky Milligan]

And you couldn't understand why?

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

I couldn't understand why. And my dad couldn't explain to me.

[Sandy Robertson]

Why Mum and Dad split up. The family was breaking up, moving apart.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal moves out. He buys himself a yacht, of all.

[Sandy Robertson]

Things, and sailed it to the Mediterranean.

[Becky Milligan]

Starts a new life. First Greece, then France. And he has a new girlfriend. Lynn is left alone.

[Anne Robertson]

It wasn't how she wanted her married life to end, I suppose.

[Becky Milligan]

The divorce, the shipwreck, everything that happened.

[Sandy Robertson]

Mom went through such a lot.

[Anne Robertson]

She.

[Sandy Robertson]

She almost took her own life.

[Becky Milligan]

God, that's so sad.

[Sandy Robertson]

It was from this strong woman to being somebody, you know, to attempt to take their own life.

[Becky Milligan]

Sandy did say that your mother really suffered when he left.

[Douglas Robertson]

She did.

[Becky Milligan]

So much so that she attempted to kill herself.

[Douglas Robertson]

She loved him. He was a hard man. Callous, hard man.

[Becky Milligan]

It was very shocking, though, that your mother felt that terrible, that she nearly did, that.

[Douglas Robertson]

She loved him. But you have to compromise. If you want something, you have to compromise. And my mother was. Was not prepared to compromise if Linda wasn't prepared to compromise. And Dougal certainly wasn't. What you get, you get two rams banging their heads together.

[Becky Milligan]

And that's what they were like.

[Douglas Robertson]

That's what they were like. But my mum loved my dad. Absolutely. Never stopped.

[Becky Milligan]

And your dad loved your mum?

[Douglas Robertson]

Not enough.

[Becky Milligan]

And why did your father leave, then?

[Sandy Robertson]

I don't know. I think he just wanted to get away from it all. He'd had enough.

[Becky Milligan]

The twins live on the farm with their mum. Neil doesn't know why Dougal left either.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

So close to me dad. He didn't just leave me mother.

[Douglas Robertson]

He left me.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

I spent two years looking for my dad, waiting for my dad to come back. Looking over these hills. Then I realized that he was never again come back.

[Becky Milligan]

Did it sort of feel like he was going off and starting life all over again with a new girlfriend? It was all right for him.

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah.

[Becky Milligan]

What did that feel like?

[Douglas Robertson]

Terrible. He was wrong to do that, in my view. But people are people, aren't they? And they are owed happiness in this life. And you're excused if in pursuit of happiness, it hurts other people.

[Becky Milligan]

You think he's excused for that? Just looking for a new life.

[Douglas Robertson]

You only live once.

[Becky Milligan]

Yeah, but you excuse him for that.

[Douglas Robertson]

I do, yeah.

[Becky Milligan]

And say, fair enough, dad.

[Douglas Robertson]

Yes. He's entitled to be happy.

[Becky Milligan]

That's interesting. You're very forgiving.

[Douglas Robertson]

I am forgiving, you know.

[Becky Milligan]

Cause he left you all behind.

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah, I know.

[Becky Milligan]

But you still love him.

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah.

[Becky Milligan]

Despite everything. Even though he abandoned all of his family in the end.

[Douglas Robertson]

Well, it was his loss, wasn't it?

[Becky Milligan]

Ten years later.

[Sandy Robertson]

Hello, dad. How you doing?

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal isn't doing well. He has cancer. The children drive to their dad's home in France.

[Douglas Robertson]

I didn't realize how sick he was. He was like a skeleton.

[Sandy Robertson]

He's gone from this man of steel, of grit, of Determination, feared nothing, afraid of nothing. To this frail old man, white hair, he'd lost all that strength. And.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal tells them it's serious. They start packing up all his things.

[Douglas Robertson]

He pulled the drawer open and there was our pictures, us kids, the four of us, his children. He hadn't forgotten us.

[Sandy Robertson]

He loved his kids.

[Douglas Robertson]

But he could have come home, couldn't he? He could have come home and lived a normal life and been part of our lives.

[Becky Milligan]

Even though you, you love him, you're quite angry with him as well.

[Douglas Robertson]

I can be angry with him as well, you know, he's got flaws. The flaws I'm angry about. You know, Douglas should have known better, definitely, than to do some of the things that he did. But I understand his motivation.

[Becky Milligan]

They bring him back to the uk.

[Douglas Robertson]

He came to stay with my sister and I put my arms around him and said, dad, I'm really glad you're back with us. What do you think? Dougal said to me, I love you, son. Yeah, well, you'd think so, wouldn't you? He said, don't get too close to me, Douglas.

[Becky Milligan]

After everything that's happened, the years spent apart, the hurt, the anger, the trauma, there's still a bond between Lynn and Dougal.

[Douglas Robertson]

And my mum, bless her soul, moved down to my sister's to look after Dougal.

[Becky Milligan]

Over the next three years, Dougal's light slowly fades.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Mother never stopped loving me dad.

[Sandy Robertson]

She'd sit there and feed him soup.

[Anne Robertson]

We all had a bit of time with him.

[Sandy Robertson]

We sat with him and stroked him as we did in the dinghy. He was groaning like he was on the dinghy as he was dying.

[Douglas Robertson]

He never got out of the dinghy.

[Sandy Robertson]

This man, everything he done, my dad died.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal's coffin is carried from the church.

[Anne Robertson]

My mother was being held up by her sons as we walk towards his grave.

[Becky Milligan]

And next to it is the dinghy, which they've kept for all these years, a symbol of what he did to save his family. Lynn farms for the rest of her life. She never finds another love. Seven years later, she too dies of cancer.

[Sandy Robertson]

Mum was buried with him. They were together in life and now death. They are together and I think that's where they should be.

[Becky Milligan]

At the end of his bestseller, Survive the Savage Sea, Dougal writes, I could.

[Dougal Robertson]

Not have been cast away with five more tolerant, stout hearted people, bonded together with love of life and ready to sacrifice it for each other. But for them, it would have been so easy to die with Lucette.

[Becky Milligan]

The present day, more than half a century after the Lucette sank, everyone looks back. First, Robin. It was pure chance that brought him and the Robertsons together. When Dougal offered him a place on the Lucette at the end of the.

[Robin]

Day, Dougal saved my life.

[Becky Milligan]

Did you ever. Did you ever actually sit down and say thank you to him at any point?

[Robin]

Oh, I. Absolutely sure I did.

[Becky Milligan]

Do you remember?

[Robin]

Probably it was when we were on the boat, just before we actually landed Panama. I'm sure at the time there are big hugs and things like that. You know, Douglas, not naturally, nor am I naturally a huggy sort of person, but I had to, you know, I mean, it's the least I could do, you know, I survived 38 days in the Pacific Ocean and I can look back upon those 38 days with a smile on my face. You know, they really were unique experiences. It's part of you for the rest of your lives. And I think we've been through this together and we have this unique bond.

[Becky Milligan]

Dougal and Lynn's daughter Anne left the Lucette at Miami, so didn't have to endure the 38 days adrift. Did you ever feel left out?

[Anne Robertson]

No, I never felt that I missed out at all. I thought, my God, if I'd been on the boat, one of them might have died trying to rescue me because I couldn't swim very well. So I looked at it more from that point of view. They were lucky I wasn't there, because it could have been, could have been worse.

[Becky Milligan]

Did you sit down with them and hear all the stories, everything that happened from beginning to end?

[Anne Robertson]

No.

[Becky Milligan]

They didn't tell you?

[Anne Robertson]

They didn't. I mean, I've heard it over and over. It was just infused over the years. And it doesn't matter who's there, no one ever feels excluded because they make you feel like you are there. And I'm sure you've experienced that.

[Becky Milligan]

Absolutely.

[Anne Robertson]

They have a way of speaking about it that doesn't exclude. It doesn't exclude you.

[Becky Milligan]

Does she stand out as a bit different from the rest of the family because of not having gone through it?

[Douglas Robertson]

I think so, yeah.

[Becky Milligan]

Anne's brother and Lyn and Dougal's oldest son, Douglas, did, of course, live through those 38 days as a castaway?

[Douglas Robertson]

You know, I think that she's more ordinary. She's got more ordinary expectations from life. We look back now, me and the twins and Robin especially, with special memories of those days on the Pacific and how deep we had to dig to survive. It was a great adventure and I say to my dad every day, thank you.

[Sandy Robertson]

I thank My dad, every day, my mum, for the experience that he gave us.

[Becky Milligan]

Sandy was one of the twin brothers in the family. He was just 11 years old when the Lucette sank.

[Sandy Robertson]

That closeness of these people, that challenge, that survival. The trip on Lucette was an absolutely amazing time for a young lad like me. It's a massive part of my life.

[Becky Milligan]

Sandy's older brother, Douglas, no matter what.

[Douglas Robertson]

You say, it's a great achievement, this great journey, this great feat out in the Pacific Ocean. If you ask my sister, what difference did it make to those boys, she.

[Anne Robertson]

Would say, Neil and Sandy and Douglas are utterly fearless. They don't care. They know they've been there, they've already died.

[Douglas Robertson]

And it's probably true, if you push the boat out, something will happen. It is fear of pushing the boat out that. That holds you back, you know, I'll take chances that other people wouldn't take.

[Becky Milligan]

Do you think so?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah, I think so. Don't ever take advice from me, whatever you do, because I'll give you the. The adventurous version, you know, I won't give you the conservative version, you know, it's not for me.

[Becky Milligan]

I mean, he took you all on a trip which nearly killed you all. I mean, wasn't it selfish of him to do that?

[Douglas Robertson]

Probably. But it gave me something too, that I would not have had if he hadn't done it, if he hadn't had the courage to do that. Because life is a feeling and Dougal gave us that feeling. He gave us that feeling that anything is possible if you turn your mind to it.

[Becky Milligan]

Did you dream about it?

[Sandy Robertson]

Always dream about it.

[Douglas Robertson]

Always.

[Becky Milligan]

Twin Sandy. Like you're back on it.

[Sandy Robertson]

Like you're back on it. I can remember what my hands looked like in that water. I remember what my feet were, like, swollen. I can remember what the feel of the water was like rushing in cold.

[Becky Milligan]

How much do you think it's defined who you all are? The Robertsons? Because it's defined you, hasn't it?

[Douglas Robertson]

Oh, yeah.

[Sandy Robertson]

Oh, without a shadow of a doubt. Life is for living. I believe in life. It's there to be lived.

[Becky Milligan]

Neil is Sandy's twin brother. He was just 11 when all this happened. Sandy and Douglas say they wake up every morning and say, thank you, dad.

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah.

[Becky Milligan]

I want to know whether you feel the same way.

[Douglas Robertson]

Not really, no.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Everything didn't go that well, did it? You know.

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah, well, maybe Neil is just calling it for what it is, one man's selfish dream.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

I've tried to shut it out.

[Becky Milligan]

Do you think you did shut it out?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah.

[Unknown family member (possibly Neil or another son)]

Yeah, I flashbacked. I see Lucette at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and she's got this huge hail around her. Maybe when I die, maybe that's where we'll go back to Lucette. You don't know.

[Kyoto Suzuki]

Doctor.

[Becky Milligan]

It's that day in April 2024, when my producer Ben and I are in rural Japan. We're about to meet Captain Suzuki, the skipper of the Tokamaru who saved our castaways. But what I haven't told you is that we've brought someone else along with us. Douglas Robertson. And this will be the first. First time he's seen Captain Suzuki since 1972. Back then, Douglas was a young man of 18. He's now 70. How you feeling?

[Douglas Robertson]

I'm just. I'm feeling a little nervous, I must say. It feels slightly surreal. It's like the air itself is sparkling around me, you know, with this beautiful day. I just. I just want to meet him now. Thank you. 52 years. 52 years ago. Well, it was overwhelming. I walked up to him and I shook his hand firmly over firmly. He was trying to get his hand out from my hand and I wouldn't let him go, you know, and. And I held him. I said to him, arigato, arigato, arigato. Thank you. And I felt like I was hugging my dad.

[Becky Milligan]

Did you?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah. I felt that Captain Suzuki, for a moment in time, was my dad. And I didn't want that to end. And then he was gone. It was over. But I'll remember it forever. You know, I can't. I can't describe it to you. It provides closure.

[Becky Milligan]

Is it the moment when you can actually sort of almost let go a bit?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a completeness. And I feel so happy that I've been able to thank him. So happy.

[Becky Milligan]

You've been listening to Adrift, an Apple original podcast produced by Blanchard House and host of By Me, Becky Milligan. Adrift is written and produced by Ben Crichton and me, Becky Milligan. The series is based on the book the Last Voyage of the Lucette by Douglas Robertson. Original score by Daniel Lloyd Evans, Louis Nankmanel and Toby Matimal. Sound design by Vulcan Kizletug and Daniel Lloyd Evans with dialogue editing by Toby Matimal. The lead sound engineer is Vulcan Kizletug. The part of Dougal Robertson is played by Mark Bonner and Lynn Robertson is played by Anne Marie Duff. Their words are adapted from Dougal and Lynn's own accounts of their story. The young Robertson twins are played by Rocco Hamill and Dexter Hutton. The words of Captain Suzuki are voiced by Togo Igawa and Yoshito Kashiwa is voiced by Sadao Ueda. Research and translation from the original Japanese by Hiro Sasso. The young Suzuki is played by Kenichiro Arima. Other parts are played by Mark Gillis. The managing producer is Amica Shortino Nolan. The creative director of Blanchard House is Rosie Pye. The executive producer and head of content at Blanchard House is Lawrence Grisel.