Recriminations | 4

Summary

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Adrift – Episode 4: "Recriminations"

Podcast by: Apple TV / Blanchard House
Release Date: November 17, 2025
Host: Becky Milligan
Main Voices: Dougal Robertson, Lynn Robertson, Douglas Robertson, Anne Robertson, Robin

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Episode Overview

Episode 4 of "Adrift," titled "Recriminations," dives deep into the psychological and emotional turmoil of the Robertson family as they drift helplessly in the Pacific, following a hopeful but ultimately failed rescue attempt. The episode wrestles with moments of fleeting hope, harsh survival decisions, family tensions, and the group’s evolving will to survive in the face of thirst, hunger, and despair. The interplay between practical challenges and personal conflicts forms the heart of this gripping chapter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hope and Crushing Disappointment: The Ship on the Horizon

• [00:05-02:51] The family spots a ship, firing flares in desperation. Initial euphoria quickly turns to despair as the ship passes without noticing them.
  • Notable Quote:
    “I said there's a ship. There. There's a ship.” – Douglas Robertson [00:05]
  • Memorable Moment:
    Dougal struggling to use a flare gun due to shaking hands.
    “The bloody hell. How do you work the bloody thing?” – Dougal Robertson [00:51]
• The ship does not stop, leaving the family feeling "devastated" and alone once more.
  • “She hasn't seen us. She hasn't seen us... Disappeared over the horizon.” – Anne [02:36]
  • “And then it was gone. Gone.” – Douglas Robertson [02:51]

2. Passing from Rescue to Survival

• [04:01-05:29] The failed rescue attempt reframes their mindset: Rescue is no longer an option; survival is now their only goal.
  • “We're just gonna have to do it ourselves.” – Robin [05:20]
  • Dougal introduces a morale-boosting daily "password": Survival.
    • “What's the password for today?” — Narrator [05:37]
    • “Survival.” – Family members echo in turn [05:40-05:46]

3. The Doldrums Plan and Water Crisis

• [05:48-07:06] Facing dehydration, the family resolves to head towards the Doldrums, hoping for rain.
  • A risky choice: the Doldrums are notorious for calm winds (“a place sailors avoid... hot, humid and wet”).
  • They must ration water even further, with no guarantee of success.
  • “This was it, Doldrums or bust.” – Douglas Robertson [06:58]

4. Food From the Sea: First Successes and Brutal Choices

• [07:38-10:57] A flying fish landing in the raft provides a small, cold, but meaningful meal, signifying hope and the possibility of living off the sea.
  • “Vital mouthfuls, mouthfuls of hope, really, because although that didn't satisfy any hunger, it showed that the sea contained life and we could work out how to catch it.” – Douglas Robertson [08:33]
• [09:18-11:18] The harrowing account of capturing and killing a turtle for sustenance—meat, eggs, and even blood.
  • “We were beginning to feel like... cavemen, too.” – Narrator/Commentator [11:09]
  • The grim resourcefulness escalates: Turtle blood is drunk to stave off dehydration.
    • “Soft, smooth, warm. Bit like drinking a milkshake.” – Anne [12:07]
    • “Yes, it was a little bit vampirish, but you felt it was doing you some good.” – Robin [12:13]
  • Repercussions: shark attacks on the turtle remains [12:34].

5. Routines, Strain, and Family Conflict

• [13:12-16:26] Daily chores are enforced by Lynn to maintain order and hope, but hunger and thirst wear everyone down. Small disputes escalate into fierce arguments.
  • “Just keep your bloody nose out of it, too.” – Lynn Robertson [13:46]
  • “I'm the captain, remember? You do as I tell you.” – Dougal Robertson [14:10]
  • “We wouldn't be in this mess, this bloody mess, if it wasn't for you.” – Lynn Robertson [14:14]
• Robin, as the outsider, regularly mediates.
  • “It was a case of trying to Offer a little bit of olive branch to the two of them, just to calm the situation down.” – Robin [14:58]
• Dougal’s leadership is described as "despotic."
  • “Dougal, you are the master of the understatement. It was despotic. It did cause horror amongst your crew.” – Douglas Robertson [16:18]
  • Discussion on Dougal’s military background, anger, and control dynamics.

6. Flashback: Underlying Family Tension

• [17:30-20:11] A flashback scene from months before the disaster shows Dougal's quick temper after a mishap aboard Lucette. A physical confrontation with his children, culminating in Douglas resisting his father's rage for the first time.
  • “He was so angry and I thought he was going to go for him... And Douglas hit him back.” – Young Douglas [18:38-18:45]
  • “He’d felt the full force of Douglas for the first time in his life.” – Douglas Robertson [19:38]

7. Looming Desperation: The Raft Failing & The "Unspoken"

• [20:32-22:40] The raft is deteriorating rapidly, leaks worsen, and space is limited. Dougal and Douglas face the chilling, unspoken possibility of having to choose someone to leave behind should they be forced into the smaller dinghy.
  • “We'll have to lose somebody.” – Anne [21:55]
  • “It was discussed between my dad and myself quietly... it was never said... but we all knew that... there's only one person who's not a member of the family.” – Douglas Robertson [22:25-22:34]
  • “That is quite chilling.” – Narrator (Becky Milligan) [22:40]

8. Physical & Mental Collapse: Water Running Out

• [23:08-26:57] Salt ulcers and boils develop from prolonged contact with seawater. Thirst becomes overwhelming, hope is fading.
  • “It was hanging off your fingers, raw, red fingers... you just couldn't touch anything because your hands were so painful.” – Anne [23:29]
  • “We were down to our last drops.” – Robin [24:23]
  • Literary reflection: “Water, water everywhere, not any drop to Drink.” – Narrator/Commentator [25:24]

9. Final Confrontation with Reality

• [27:02-27:45] Douglas, desperate for reassurance, presses Dougal for answers: will it rain? Dougal finally admits he doesn’t know, shattering the illusion of paternal omnipotence.
  • “I'm not a prophet, Douglas. I don't know.” – Narrator/Commentator (channeling Dougal) [27:36]

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Notable Quotes and Moments (with Timestamps)

• “The bloody hell. How do you work the bloody thing?” – Dougal Robertson [00:51]
• “She hasn't seen us. She hasn't seen us. Disappeared over the horizon.” – Anne [02:36]
• “Survival.” – Family (rallying cry) [05:40-05:46]
• “It was cold and it was wet. It wasn't very appetizing, to be honest. But it was food.” – Douglas Robertson [08:35]
• “We were beginning to feel like... cavemen, too.” – Narrator/Commentator [11:09]
• “We are all doing our best, Dougal. We are doing our best. We're following orders.” – Lynn Robertson [14:40]
• “Dougal, you are the master of the understatement. It was despotic. It did cause horror amongst your crew.” – Douglas Robertson [16:18]
• “That was a chilling moment. We would have to find out who would be abandoned. Well, that was the question.” – Douglas Robertson [22:06]
• “We were down to our last drops.” – Robin [24:23]
• “I'm not a prophet, Douglas. I don't know.” – Dougal (via Narrator/Commentator) [27:36]

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:05-02:51 – Spotting and losing the rescue ship
• 04:01-05:29 – Acceptance of grim reality, new survival mantra
• 05:48-07:06 – Doldrums plan for water, food crisis acknowledged
• 07:38-11:18 – First meals from the sea: flying fish and turtles
• 13:12-16:26 – Strained routines, family arguments, discipline vs. democracy
• 17:30-20:11 – Flashback: family tensions and physical confrontation
• 20:32-22:40 – Raft deteriorates; unspoken threat of choosing who to save
• 23:08-26:57 – Exhaustion, physical symptoms, fleeting hope
• 27:02-27:45 – Dougal’s admission of uncertainty

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Tone & Language

The language throughout remains intensely personal, marked by shock, bitterness, dark humor, and raw honesty—mirroring the mounting tension and desperation among the family. The tone fluctuates between moments of gallows humor, crushing disappointment, and stark realism, with the narrator providing empathetic commentary and context.

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Summary Takeaway

"Recriminations" is a powerful episode that not only chronicles the extreme perils of survival at sea but peels back the layers of human frailty when hope is lost and routines disintegrate. The episode is as much about the Robertson family’s struggle against the elements as it is about their struggle with one another, leadership, and impossible moral choices. The closing admission that no one—not even the father—can predict or promise salvation, strikes at the heart of their ordeal, ushering in a brutal humility and a trembling wait for rain.

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Transcript

[Douglas Robertson]

I said there's a ship. There. There's a ship.

[Lynn Robertson]

The first day God made heaven and earth, the sea and all that. In them is the seventh day. He sent the Robertsons.

[Dougal Robertson]

A ship ahoy. Ship ahoy.

[Robin]

A speck on the horizon.

[Anne]

There.

[Douglas Robertson]

This was it.

[Anne]

Dad was right.

[Douglas Robertson]

We're gonna be rescued.

[Anne]

We're not gonna die.

[Douglas Robertson]

We've survived.

[Anne]

Dad was right.

[Douglas Robertson]

It's getting closer.

[Dougal Robertson]

Get out the flares.

[Douglas Robertson]

We've got flares. We're not gonna need them after today, are we? So we may as well fire them.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

They've got the flares. But then a problem at the worst possible moment.

[Dougal Robertson]

The bloody hell. How do you work the bloody thing?

[Douglas Robertson]

We realized we hadn't read the instructions. We didn how to send them up. Dad. Come on. Come on.

[Dougal Robertson]

Okay, okay, I've got it.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal's hands are shaking uncontrollably.

[Douglas Robertson]

And he pulls the trigger. Glowing red, hanging in the sky. Surely. Surely.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal lets off another flare, just to be sure. It spirals down, leaving a trail of white smoke. The ship is a couple of miles away. The crew on board must be able to see them.

[Douglas Robertson]

This could be our only chance.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Look.

[Young Douglas]

Look. Please see us.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

The ship's getting closer and closer. So close they can read its name on the side. They wait and watch.

[Douglas Robertson]

She's not showing any signs of slowing down. She's not slowing down.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Douglas blows on a whistle.

[Douglas Robertson]

My mother said, please see us.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Save us.

[Douglas Robertson]

Please see us. Dad was cursing the ship.

[Dougal Robertson]

Luke. You bastards.

[Anne]

Shouting at them, swearing at them.

[Douglas Robertson]

It's getting further away. It's getting further away.

[Young Anne]

Look.

[Dougal Robertson]

You bastards.

[Douglas Robertson]

I couldn't read the name anymore.

[Anne]

She hasn't seen us. She hasn't seen us. She hasn't seen us. Disappeared over the horizon.

[Douglas Robertson]

And then it was gone. Gone.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

This is adrift an apple original podcast produced by by blanchard house. I'm becky milligan. Episode 4 recriminations.

[Douglas Robertson]

We're alone again.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

A tiny speck in the vast ocean. They sit there, stunned.

[Douglas Robertson]

Devastated. Why didn't they see us? This was the day we were going to be saved.

[Anne]

Hope had vanished.

[Douglas Robertson]

Emptiness.

[Anne]

Despair.

[Robin]

We really were on our own.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Douglas looks at his dad.

[Douglas Robertson]

His face was stone.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal is desperate and angry. But he's also thinking he's got to come up with another plan. A plan which can't fail this time. He's made an oath to get his boys back to land. He looks at his crew.

[Douglas Robertson]

The hope had gone. The hope had gone out of us.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

From the moment the Lucette went down, they've all believed the Only way out of this is to be rescued.

[Narrator/Commentator]

If those wretched, bloody seamen couldn't rescue us, then to hell with them. We'll have to make it on our own.

[Robin]

We're just gonna have to do it ourselves.

[Douglas Robertson]

It was down to us.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Survival, no rescue.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

And to get their fight back, Dougal introduces a new rule, a rallying call every morning.

[Narrator/Commentator]

What's the password for today?

[Douglas Robertson]

Survival.

[Lynn Robertson]

Survival. Survival.

[Robin]

Survival.

[Young Anne]

Survival.

[Anne]

Survival.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

And to survive, they need water. Three days without it and they'll be dead. The only place they'll find fresh water in the middle of the Pacific is from the skies above them. From the clouds. Rain. The problem is, there's no sign of rain. So they have to go where it does rain. And that place is the Doldrums. The dreaded Doldrums near the equator, a place sailors avoid because there's so little wind. Boats can get stuck there for weeks or even months on end. It's hot, humid and wet.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Our noon position confirmed that the doldrums were about 90 miles away.

[Douglas Robertson]

We believed that when we got to the Doldrums, the rain would come tumbling down.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

It'll take days, maybe even a week, to get there, so they'll really have to ration their drinking water.

[Douglas Robertson]

There was no other option left. This was it, Doldrums or bust.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But there's a flaw in the plan. The Doldrums might bring them closer to rain, but because there's so little wind, they could easily get stuck there. It's not just the water they have to watch. The food they found in the survival kit, fortified bread and sweets. It won't last long, but they've had a bit of luck. It's the crack of dawn.

[Douglas Robertson]

All of a sudden, we were wide awake. Oh, what's happened? It sounded like she'd been attacked. She was complaining that a fish had slapped around the face. We didn't know what it was. You know, from my mother's description, it could have been the Loch Ness Monster.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

After scrabbling around in the raft, they find the culprit, a small flying fish.

[Douglas Robertson]

It was only about 6 inches long, you know, I guess it frightened the hell out of her.

[Lynn Robertson]

I'm not used to being hit in the face by a fish at 4.

[Douglas Robertson]

O' clock in the morning. Oh, I mean, it can't be the most pleasant of experiences, you know.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

So it sort of flew in?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah. It flew in through the raft? Yeah. It's a flying fish. I suppose that's what they do, they fly. But we had breakfast that morning.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

The Flying fish doesn't go to waste.

[Douglas Robertson]

We thought, well, that's a meal that we're getting from the sea.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

What did it taste like?

[Douglas Robertson]

It was cold and it was wet. It wasn't very appetizing, to be honest, but it was food. And we were wondering where on earth food was going to come from. There were vital mouthfuls, mouthfuls of hope, really, because although that didn't satisfy any hunger, it showed that the sea contained life and we could work out how to catch it.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

To survive, they will have to hunt. One day, near the end of the first week, Dougal and Douglas are in the small dinghy, the one with the makeshift sail that's towing the life raft.

[Douglas Robertson]

Along came this turtle, and I looked at it and it looked at me.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

He grabs a paddle and I whacked.

[Douglas Robertson]

It on top of the head. And I saw its eyes fill up with blood and it swam away.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But then another one comes along.

[Dougal Robertson]

Quick, Douglas, grab it.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Douglas gets hold of the Turtle's back flippers.

[Narrator/Commentator]

1, 2, 3.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

They heave it on board. It's a big beast. The dinghy nearly capsizes.

[Douglas Robertson]

And we had this turtle now on.

[Robin]

Its back, flipping away like mad in a state of panic.

[Anne]

And he's fighting the turtle.

[Robin]

It was man against beast.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal has the knife.

[Anne]

Poor old turtle.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

They're triumphant. Dougal is covered in turtle blood.

[Anne]

He just looked like a cartoon castaway.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

It's brutal, especially for Neil.

[Young Anne]

I felt really sorry for the turtles. They're minding their own business, aren't they?

[Douglas Robertson]

And now they're dead.

[Young Anne]

Poor things. I felt guilty about it.

[Douglas Robertson]

And then, bonus of all bonuses, they.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Realize they've caught a female.

[Douglas Robertson]

She was full of eggs the size of grapes, big grapes.

[Anne]

You just squeeze egg yolk into your mouth. Smooth, creamy delicacy.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But Robin isn't so keen.

[Robin]

There's a certain amount of hesitation.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

By the time Dougal has finished butchering the turtle, they have about 20 pounds of meat and bone.

[Narrator/Commentator]

It looked like the bloodiest of slaughterhouses. Strips of bloody meat and bits of turtles strung up all around. For lunch, we happily gnawed the bones. We had slipped back a few thousand years in time. We not only looked like cavemen, but we were beginning to feel like them, too.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Douglas remembers something he's read.

[Douglas Robertson]

I said, you can drink the blood, dad.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

It sounds disgusting, but they're so dehydrated, there's nothing to lose.

[Anne]

Next turtle, we're going to drink the blood. We're going to drink this turtle's blood.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

So when the next one comes along, Dougal cuts its neck, the blood sprays out and he catches it in a cup.

[Douglas Robertson]

I didn't think he was actually going.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

To drink it, but he does.

[Douglas Robertson]

And he said it's not salty.

[Anne]

Soft, smooth, warm. Bit like drinking a milkshake.

[Robin]

Yes, it was a little bit vampirish, but you felt it was doing you some good. Why not?

[Anne]

We were really starting to survive off the sea. We were using everything the sea gave to us.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal throws what remains of the turtles over the side.

[Anne]

And then an explosion of water behind us as the sharks attack the shells.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

A day goes by, a night. Another day, another night. Trying to keep the raft afloat, Lynn keeps the children busy and made all.

[Lynn Robertson]

Of them bail out and mop up.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Everything must be tidied away, just like at home.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Lynn insisted that they all keep to their set routines and complete their jobs properly.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

It's hard, though. They're thirsty and hungry and they're young. There are good days and bad days.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Tempers frayed. When Lynn ordered Douglas and Robin to do their chores and they didn't move fast enough. I tried to smooth things over, but then Lynn had a go at me.

[Lynn Robertson]

Just keep your bloody nose out of it, too.

[Narrator/Commentator]

I was only trying to help.

[Lynn Robertson]

Yeah, well, it doesn't help. You want to stick your nose in, tell me what to do.

[Dougal Robertson]

Christ, woman. Talk about pot and kettle.

[Robin]

They were having a marital discussion. Let me put it like that. A strong marital discussion. Let's put it like that.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Their bickering turns into a full scale row.

[Dougal Robertson]

I'm the captain, remember? You do as I tell you.

[Douglas Robertson]

Women. Enough.

[Lynn Robertson]

Well, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. We wouldn't be in this mess, this bloody mess, if it wasn't for you. You never listen to me. You never listen.

[Dougal Robertson]

That's all I ever do, listen to you. You go on and on and on. Nag, nag, nag. Misery. That's what you are. Misery. Christ, if we ever get out of that's alive.

[Lynn Robertson]

What?

[Douglas Robertson]

What?

[Dougal Robertson]

Dougal, I've. I've had enough of you. I've just had enough of all of you.

[Lynn Robertson]

We are all doing our best, Dougal. We are doing our best. We're following orders. We're following all your orders. Yes, sir. Yes, Captain.

[Dougal Robertson]

Shut up. Shut up.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Robin intervenes. Remember, he's the crew member they picked up in Panama and isn't a member of the Robertson family.

[Robin]

There was a certain amount of frustration boiling up. Resentment. And sometimes that pressure would suddenly come to the surface. But it was a case of trying to Offer a little bit of olive branch to the two of them, just to calm the situation down.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

You're quite a peacemaker.

[Robin]

Yes, I suppose, inevitably, because I was the one outside the family. I was the non Robertson on board. It's a very delicate thing to do, all right, particularly where you have two strong characters. But, you know, you just trusted that things would settle down and that normal service would resume.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But it doesn't.

[Douglas Robertson]

The rows continue these stupid, senseless, silly arguments. And they got worse and worse.

[Narrator/Commentator]

If one of us dies because somebody doesn't feel like doing what they are told, then take it from me, that somebody will be next.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

He was tough.

[Douglas Robertson]

He was very tough.

[Young Anne]

Who told you once and that was enough. But then, that was my dad. He wasn't the best to educate us.

[Narrator/Commentator]

I was despotic, you know, a bit of a dictator. And maybe I caused resentment amongst my crew.

[Douglas Robertson]

Dougal, you are the master of the understatement. It was despotic. It did cause horror amongst your crew.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

In what way was he despotic?

[Douglas Robertson]

He shouted a lot and he always got his way. So, shouting, angry. We had to do what we were told to do. There's no democracy. There's only one man's point of view that counts and that's your leader. It's not a committee. This is not a committee, it's not a vote. Toogall was a natural despot. He came from a job where they had rank, so everybody knew where everybody was. The captain is the top dog and he looks down on everybody else. And maybe Dougal felt a little bit like that.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Did he have to be despotic?

[Douglas Robertson]

No, he didn't need to be. He could have just asked, you know, he didn't need to behave like that. That was his choice. That was his way.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

And why did he do it?

[Douglas Robertson]

I think he was an angry man all of his life and I think the war didn't help him.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

It's something Lynn and the kids are always wary of, provoking Dougal's quick temper. Sometimes, though, they just can't avoid Dougal blowing up. December 1971. Six months before the Lucet sinks. They've just set off from the Bahamas on their way to Miami. Dougal has ordered Douglas and Anne to check everything is secure. But just out of the harbor, the Lucette takes a sudden dip.

[Douglas Robertson]

We realized too late that we'd left the cupboard door open and all the crockery came out smashed on the floor. And Doug came down. Real temper. What's going on down here? And he was standing between me And Anne, what have you been doing? You know, you can't do anything. And he said, you're not fit.

[Narrator/Commentator]

You're not fit to sail my boat.

[Douglas Robertson]

And he was so violent towards Anne.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

What did he do?

[Douglas Robertson]

Poked it with his finger. He had fingers of steel, you know.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal then turns on Douglas.

[Young Douglas]

He was so angry and I thought he was going to go for him.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

So did he hit Douglas?

[Young Douglas]

Yeah, and Douglas hit him back.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Got a real proper fight.

[Young Douglas]

A proper fight? Yes, proper fight. Lots of shouting and, you know, standing up to his dad for the first time in his life.

[Douglas Robertson]

And Anne was scared and she locked us off in the toilet crying. And Dougal tried to open the door and I grabbed him, I had my arms around him, iron grip, you know, because I was very strong and he couldn't get out of my bear hug. And we had our first man to man wrestling match.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But do you think he was surprised that you could hold him like that?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah, I think he was very surprised, you know, and he was struggling like that. And I said, dougal, you've got to stop this, stop it. And I let him go. And he turned round and he says, pick all those bloody things up.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Dougal storms off.

[Douglas Robertson]

He'd felt the full force of Douglas for the first time in his life.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

You know, because you were questioning his authority.

[Douglas Robertson]

I mean, I didn't mean to do that, but he couldn't attack my sister, you know, that was. Dougal was wrong. Dougal was in the wrong.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

So you were finding your strength?

[Douglas Robertson]

Yeah, yeah, I was finding my strength.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

You know, Dougal sits on his own. Of course, he can't sail the Lucette without his eldest son.

[Young Douglas]

My father knew that. He relied on Douglas and he realises.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

He'S gone a bit too far.

[Douglas Robertson]

And we hugged each other. I knew what Dougal was like. He was a very sort of cold person and he wasn't much of a hugger, so for him to give a hug was a big deal, you know.

[Anne]

The raft was becoming a dangerous place to live.

[Douglas Robertson]

It was wearing us down. It was getting on top of us. The holes were getting bigger. It wasn't going to last very much longer. It was disintegrating around us. The blowing, the constant blowing was just taking its toll. Day after day, hour after hour, the.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Leaks were getting worse and it's filling up with water. They have to keep bailing non stop.

[Douglas Robertson]

Non stop, day and night.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

If they stop, they will sink.

[Anne]

We were sitting in water.

[Douglas Robertson]

There was only one dry place left in the raft.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

There's no rest for any of them. They still have the dinghy but they don't want to leave the raft because there's a problem and it's a problem nobody wants to talk about.

[Douglas Robertson]

It's a three men dinghy and there were six of us, four adults and two kids.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Dougal said, maybe there's not enough room for everybody.

[Anne]

Will the dinghy hold six of us? We'll have to lose somebody.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Who would that be?

[Anne]

Who would it be?

[Douglas Robertson]

That was a chilling moment. We would have to find out who would be abandoned. Well, that was the question. It was discussed between my dad and myself quietly.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

I mean, did you go through each person?

[Douglas Robertson]

No.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But you knew.

[Douglas Robertson]

We knew. You know, it was never said. It was never said.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

And there's only one person who's not a member of the family.

[Douglas Robertson]

Well, we all knew that, but it was never said.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

That is quite chilling.

[Douglas Robertson]

Decisions have to be made. Robin, God bless him, he trusted us and maybe that trust was going to be tested.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

All this going on. Never quite said.

[Douglas Robertson]

Never said, but known. It was clear that a decision would have to be made.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

But thankfully, for now, there is just enough food left. Robin is safe. The salt water they're sitting in is slowly destroying their skin. It's erupting in salt sores and boils, our skin.

[Anne]

It was hanging off your fingers, raw, red fingers. You just couldn't touch anything because your hands were so painful. And this was happening all over our bodies.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Blowing, bailing boils and sores. But the thirst is unbearable. Still no rain and the water supply is getting lower and lower.

[Anne]

You get weaker, you're tired all the time.

[Young Anne]

You start shutting down.

[Douglas Robertson]

You can't swallow, you can't think straight. It got increasingly desperate. We were constantly looking, searching for clouds.

[Robin]

We were down to our last drops.

[Douglas Robertson]

We were so thirsty.

[Anne]

Douglas had read all these stories about people dying of thirst at sea. It's going to be us now, you know. We're going to die of thirst.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Day 14, early morning. The sun is rising.

[Douglas Robertson]

I woke him. Dad, look at these clouds. They're different. We've got high cloud in the sky. And I said to him, is that the doldrums? And he said, yes. Where is this rain?

[Narrator/Commentator]

I told them there'd be rain.

[Douglas Robertson]

I promised them this plan, this great plan. The doldrums. Where is the rain?

[Narrator/Commentator]

The idea that rain could be found in the doldrums, well, it was just that an idea was the well known rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, right after all. Water, water everywhere. And all the boards did shrink. Water, water everywhere. Not any drop to Drink. I looked around the raft at Robin and the Robertson family. They lay in the bottom of the raft, unmoving. They were so thin, they looked like human remains.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

They're almost out of water.

[Douglas Robertson]

There's so little left.

[Robin]

It was critical.

[Douglas Robertson]

Fear pressed on us all. We sat there, waiting for the rain, knowing there was no way back. There was no way back. There was no way forward. We knew the end would come.

[Narrator/Commentator]

It was too late to change our minds and impossible to turn back. If we'd got it wrong, all we could do was wait. Wait for it to rain or wait until we no longer cared.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

Douglas turns to his dad, will it rain tonight?

[Douglas Robertson]

And he said, I don't know. I said, dad, I want to know if it's gonna rain tonight.

[Anne]

Douglas is like pushing him, pushing him. He kept on and on and on. Douglas was desperate.

[Douglas Robertson]

We needed rain. And if that rain didn't come, we were finished. It was as simple as that.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

And Dougal tells his son the truth.

[Narrator/Commentator]

I'm not a prophet, Douglas. I don't know.

[Narrator (Becky Milligan)]

You've been listening to Adrift, an Apple original podcast produced by Blanchard House and hosted by me, Becky Milligan. Adrift is written and produced by Ben Crichton and me, Becky Milligan. The series is based on the book the Last Voyage of the Lucette by Douglas Robertson. Original score by Daniel Lloyd Evans, Louis Nankmanel and Toby Matimal. Sound design by Volkan Kizletug and Daniel Lloyd Evans, with dialogue editing by Toby Matimal. The lead sound engineer is Vulcan Kizletook. The part of Dougal Robertson is played by Mark Bonner and Lynn Robertson is played by Anne Marie Duff. Their words are adapted from Dougal and Lynn's own accounts of their story. The young Robertson twins are played by Rocco Hamill and Dexter Hutton. Other parts are played by Mark Gillis. The managing producer is Amica Shortino Nolan. The creative director of Blanchard House is Rosie Pye. The executive producer and head of content at Blanchard House is Lawrence Grisel.

[Douglas Robertson]

It.