A (0:15)

Welcome to the Drummer and the Great Mountain, a podcast where we share effective tips and practices for working with adults. Add ADHD in a natural, effective way without the use of medications each episode Join me, your host, Bahman Saram, along with the author of the Drummer and the Great Mountain, Michael Joseph Ferguson. Join Michael and myself in an interactive discussion of sharing our stories as we journey together in transforming what can be the gift of being what we call hunter types. This podcast is intended to be your audio companion to the book written by Michael, who joins me each episode where we both will strive to foster dialogue and give you our personal insights and share both of our experiences on this similar path that we are all on. Our intention and hope is that along with the book, this podcast gives you an additional perspective as you listen to us delve deeper into each chapter of the book to give you even more tools to go along with what it is that you are reading. Visit us at drummerandthegreatmountain.com to purchase the book and look for more tools, tips and updates as well as giving us feedback on this podcast. Join our growing global community of creative types, entrepreneurs and out of the box thinkers on our shared journey. Welcome to the Drummer and the Great Mountain podcast.

B (1:52)

Welcome everyone. Thanks for tuning in. I'm your host, Michael Joseph Ferguson. How is everyone doing out there? All right, so in today's episode, this is one I've had on my list for a while, as well as the previous one. We're gonna be talking about 10 important things I've learned from life coaching. So I've been a coach since 2007, so that's 17 years. And it's been the thrill of my life to work with all of you. It's just been such a blessing. What a gift to find your groove in life and know that you're doing the right thing. And I've had that experience every single time I coach, even the tough ones, I always feel like, no, this is. I'm on the planet to do this. So these are 10 insights that I got about us from coaching and I think why this is important is when, especially if you're early on in getting a diagnosis and you're kind of like, okay, well what does this mean? You know, parts of me feel fine, parts of me and what does the long game look like? And so that's what this is about. Hopefully it gives you some insights into I've worked with now thousands of people and I can give you maybe some idea of what to expect and also where to be gentle on yourself. To recognize that growth can both be rapid, but then also can take a long time. And things that you hope would just magically change often don't. And you need to find ways to manage. And that's the success. The success is building your system so that you go, okay, this was a rough week, but I can do X, Y and Z and I've got these systems in place so I can pull myself through. And so a lot of what we're going to be talking about is just what we're like and then also what to expect in the long run. And specifically, I'm going to give you those insights from being a life coach for this amount of time. Okay, a couple community announcements. First off, for those of you who've been reaching out, yes, we will be doing another mind mapping and time management workshop this year. We weren't planning on it, but there's like so many people asking for it. So we will most likely do those in late October through early December. So if you're interested, drop us a line@inforummerndhegreatmountain.com we will announce it as soon as we set the dates. Okay. Since our last episode we've had a number of people reach out sharing. They've been going through a challenging time financially and they're on a job hunt. They're looking for a job. They don't have a job. And there were so many threads that came through. I felt like I want to give you guys just a little short couple tips here at the beginning of this episode that may be helpful to you. Just coming from a coach. I work with people that are in transition sometimes and, and these are things you probably know. But I just want to remind you that this may be where you want to place your focus. So I'll go through this real quick. First off is make sure you're networking. Spend time networking. Most jobs come from networking. Cold applications are great, but do not put all your eggs into that basket. Reach out to people, both friends and people you haven't spoken with in a while in the business world. And schedule appointments, talk to them, go out to lunch with them, take them out to L. Those are the people that are most likely are going to get you the job you want. So it may be not them, but it's going to be them connected to someone. Connected to someone. So as much as you're doing cold job applications, spend as much or more time networking. Can't stress that enough. I've just watched that play out so many times. Networking is usually how you're going to find the job you want. Secondly, when you are out of a job, it's really easy to isolate and that's the worst thing you can do do in that situation. You feel bad because you're like, you don't have a job. And it's really easy to get into funks. That's not what you want to be doing. Get yourself out of the house. Find a place to work outside the house. Go to a coffee shop, go to a library. Give yourself an hour, like an hour to two hours to sit down and do the correspondence, do the research, do the applications. Don't just stay in the house. Number three, handle the bread and butter. Okay, so there may be, you might have to take a job right now that may not be the ideal fit and it may not be making as much as you want to make, but at least it's going to handle the bread and butter. And use your evenings for study and training. Okay? That's typically a good way to go. Let the friction of a job that's not ideal push you into the job that's more of a fit. So if you feel like it's a financial situation where you feel like you're at your edge, get some cash flow coming through and, and it's easier to go from a job to another job than from no job to a job. Those are two different planets. And so remember to like, do what you gotta do. You can make that happen. Look locally, grab something so you just feel a sense of like, okay, I've got a structure again, I'm getting some cashflow. And then use your time, you know, in your off time to do some networking, reach out and get clear about what you really want to be doing. So again, let the friction of a job you don't like push you to, to a job that will be more of a fit. And remember, as you're looking for things, our strong suits are creativity, problem solving, sales. Jobs are really good. Teaching, performing, movement, anything that really exercises our ability, the things that our brain does naturally, those are the things going to be more of a fit for you. But also just movement, physical movement. Sometimes a physical job can be a really good palate cleanser between one job and another. And there's always physical jobs available locally. You can always find something. So if that, that's you, that might be something to think about. Okay, so I know that was a little mini episode within an episode, but I care about you guys and when I hear you're struggling, I just wanted to address those pieces for those of you in the audience where you needed to hear that today. Okay, so let's talk problem and solution. I always like leading into our episodes that way. So the problem is it's easy to lose perspective. And if you've been surrounded by a lot of neurotypical farmer types, it's really easy to judge yourself against them and just feel like you're just so lost and broken. And our challenges and strengths are often bound up together. It's really hard to pull them apart. They're interwoven. So it's hard to know what you can change and what you can't change. And can life get better? Is often the question. Whether you're new at this or you've been aware of this for a while and maybe you're hitting a low spot. This might be a good episode for you. So the solution could be getting some perspective from someone like myself who's been in this game for a long time, that's been. That's worked with a lot of people. And I can kind of give you maybe some insight into what can change, what can't, and most importantly, what really works, what can make a difference. So here's my top 10 list of things that I've learned about us from. From coaching. And this is in no particular order, but it's a little bit of an order. I did try to create a flow that I think makes sense. So number one is we're all similar. So when I take on a new coaching client, I ask them a lot of questions. I get a lot of backstory and the common threads. There's things where there's a divergence. Some people do struggle with hyperactivity and impulsivity. But the common threads amongst all of us are the predictable set of challenges are time management and time perception. Almost 100% procrastination and not having systems to understand why that happens. And so procrastination is the result of other things. It's not the thing itself overwhelm. So it's overwhelming themselves with too many ideas, but also overwhelmed just from life itself. Across the board, challenges with follow through just about everyone that's across the board and lots of great ideas, but a challenge with making those ideas happen. And sleep issues are often very common. There's often a challenge with maintaining an exercise routine. That's something I work with just about every single client. And then our strengths are very interwoven with the challenges. So the impulsivity that tends to happen is also makes us very adventurous. Every single person I've worked with is Intelligent across the board. The intelligence of everyone that I've worked with is just undeniable. Talented, almost across the board, every single person I've worked with has mastered at least one skill to a very high level. Creativity, of course, and then sensitivity. But sensitivity, not like, oh, he's so sensitive or she's so sensitive. More of like your nervous system is much more able to pick up a lot of things and, and so, and that's a gift. But if you haven't built an ability to set boundaries or understand your nervous system, that could be a very big challenge. So those are the similarities. So number one, we're all similar and in those particular ways, and that's not a complete list, but those are the ones that I felt like were most common. Okay, so number two, we're all unique. We're much more unique than we are alike. That's the one thing that I've noticed. So there's no one size fits all. When I'm coaching, I'm locking into that particular person and I'm forgetting about anyone else I've worked with because the way they were raised, the environment they grew up in, what inspired them, what influenced them, is going to take them in a completely different direction. For one, there's no. People with ADHD are either introverts or extroverts. There's. It's a 50, 50 across the board. Male, female. I think people coming to this podcast, we have a higher level of women than men, which I find interesting. But that's been across the board of over coaching clients and also groups that we've led across the board. It's more women. And I believe, and I've said this before on the podcast, that it's because I think women are more willing to ask for help, whereas men have a harder time to do that. Harbor harder time with that. And I'm going to talk a little bit about that later. All political lean and it could be in terms of occupations, it's all across the board. I'll mention some, but this is not a complete list. So could be stay at home moms, solo entrepreneurs, people who own their own businesses, doctors, lawyers, medics, musicians, nurses, artists of all kinds, filmmakers, therapists, people who struggle with the day to day in jobs that are not a match for their talents. That's one and that's a big one. Get those wins where I'm able to support someone into an occupation that's more of a fit for them. That's one of the greatest wins as a coach. So when I get those it's just like, oh, okay. And that's work. It takes time and energy. And there's also the financial pieces that have to come into place. So it's not always an easy move, but when that clicks, it's powerful because then all that energy that was pent up in a job that did not serve that person like, launches them into being often more successful than the people around them just because they were so ready for it. And even accountants, so we've only had a couple accountants come through, but they were passionate. And I'm always like, oh, wow. That is not what I consider to be an ADHD hunter type friendly occupation. But I'm always surprised when things come down the pike. And teachers, there's a lot of teachers that come through our work and that I've worked with. And it tends to be the, the same basic refrain, which is, I love teaching, I love getting people fired up. I really have a struggle with the paperwork and the admin aspect of teaching. So especially if it's in a formal teaching facility like a college or high school, that is a real common thread. So then that becomes how do we get those systems in place so that the admin becomes easier, Easier. So number three, we're all gifted. So I mentioned this earlier, but each and every person I've worked with has been, has some very specific gift, at least one that they've really honed to a fairly high degree in some way, shape or form. Now the caveat here is we often don't fully manifest our gifts because of challenges with lack of exercise, poor diet, caught by stimuli, lack of support. All those things really play a big part into whether or not a person has had the opportunity and the focus and the ability to develop those gifts. And so as a coach, my job is to really support, to see those, recognize them, support the person in becoming aware of them and growing them. Now, for most of us, we kind of know like, okay, I know I have a proclivity for X, Y or Z, but to really focus on it and say, this is important, I need to put time and energy towards this every day, day or every week. That's where real life satisfaction happens. So just making money is great, but that's not enough. As most of you know, you have to have something that is, that you know is uniquely yours, that you're contributing to another human being. Everyone has them. And when we're locked in, oh, I'm not, I should be doing X, Y or Z because I'm looking at people around me. That's a Trap that makes us all poor because we're not receiving what you uniquely have for us. So we're all gifted across the board, no doubt. Number three. Number four is people can change. We can change. People can make great strides in short periods of time. We can make great strides in short periods of time. I've seen that within my coaching practice. Surprisingly, a little support can make a huge difference. It can make major change happen in short periods of time. So change is going to be inevitable. We're all going to experience change, but if we get the support to move us in the right direction, a small amount of support can go a long way. Okay, number five, people don't change. This one's really important. Many of us assume that if we get coaching or the right medication, you'll magically turn into a farmer type, a neurotypical person. And this is absolutely a recipe for disappointment. So there are aspects of your personality and your tendencies that may never change. And it is so helpful and valuable to recognize this. This is not a disappointing thing. This is actually a very empowering insight. So this really came home for me in my early 30s, so I heard. Ram Dass, teacher, author, went to Harvard, was a therapist, then went to India, gave everything up, Went to India, met his guru and came back, did spiritual practice for many, many years at like a very high level with hyper focus. And he says that all these years, and it was probably like 40 years in, he said, of all that work, I've not lost one neuroses. I've not lost one neurotic tendency. They've just become like little schmoozes versus big bad monsters. And that was very helpful to hear that, because if you think the goal is for you to change into being a farmer type, that's not it. It's about managing and getting support for the things that you have challenges with. Because certain things are going to continue to be a challenge probably for the majority of your life. Time blindness is very difficult to change. That's going to be very rare for you to change it. But you can get good at showing up early. That can happen. Your ability to change these patterns can, but the core operating system doesn't change that much. So we're going to keep going through these steps here and mentioning some of the other things that I've observed. But this one's really important. If you don't, if you feel like you're going to go into a coaching situation or join a group and you're going to magically change into a neurotypical person, let that go. Because, man, it's like. I was reminded of the Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy from snl. He had. One of my favorite ones was, if you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let them go, because, man, they're gone. So I think it's the same kind of thing like this is. Here you are, you've got this wiring. This wiring may not change much, but it's learning how to drive the vehicle and knowing what it can do and what it can't do. That's the work. So number six, self awareness brings lasting change. This is it. This is the core of the work I do with coaching. My goal is to support self awareness because self awareness sticks. Tips, tools, habits, all those things are great. Self awareness is actually what makes real, lasting change that sticks. So when I work with a coaching client, I ask a lot of questions. And the most important questions I ask are, what would you do differently next time? If we were listening, if they were sharing something that happened the previous week, I always ask, what would you do next time? And just that feedback loop of constantly getting, okay, this happened and now what can I do? What am I capable of? What am I not capable of? So that I can look ahead and go, oh, that thing. Oh, that thing's gonna take way longer. And I know it's gonna take way longer and I'm probably gonna need to call in support. And so it's unrealistic for me to make x, y or Z plans because that thing is going to take longer than I expect. So self awareness, self acceptance, which we'll talk about in a second, are just crucial to long term progress. Everything else is secondary to that. So what I recommend people do when we first get started is to not worry about making progress. Just focus on showing up and being present with whatever happened. Because especially when you're just getting started and making some changes, it takes time. You're. Those grooves have been worn in for a long time. So it's not going to just be overnight. You're just going to magically change that can happen. But the deeper, more powerful transformations take time. So that's number six, self awareness brings lasting change. Cannot say that one enough. That's the work, right? As a coach, that's it. If I get that right and I can support that, then that person's going to be better off than before I started working with them. Okay, connected to that last point, number seven, resiliency is the result of self acceptance. So the resiliency is the one thing I look for to know Whether or not coaching is actually working. So life will happen, challenges occur, you will have a streak of having great daily routines and things going well, then something will happen and you'll fall off. Guaranteed. It's inevitable. So the speed at which you get back up again is resiliency. That's again when I'm working with someone I'm looking for, have they become more resilient? And then I know like if they stopped working with me next week they are going to be like the trajectory is going to be different because resiliency tends to stick. And once you've started to do the self awareness work, you've started to do the self acceptance work, then resiliency is really the result. And that's when it's like it gets good because life happens, you get thrown, but then you get back up quicker and quicker and your, your ability to keep going, then that equates to follow through. Then follow through is a natural byproduct of resiliency. So this comes from lowering, lowering the bar for yourself, avoiding all or nothing thinking, practicing self compassion, practicing self, self nourishment, making sure you're taking time to take care of yourself, self care and so just knowing that you're going to fall off and the goal is to get up quicker and with less drama. If you can get to that, then your life is naturally going to get better. It's just, it's inevitable. So starting with number six, self awareness, moving on to resiliency and self acceptance, that's sort of the core, that's the core of real change. And it doesn't matter what system or tips or tricks that someone has, including myself. And it's those that's the core of it. If those are part of a coaching system, if those are part of a support system, then it's going to be successful. So that's number seven. Resiliency is the result of self acceptance. Number eight, we expect too much of our nervous system. This is very common for us, especially for my artist friends out there. Our nervous system is like the way it is for a reason. Our nervous system has sensitivity to the environment. If you're sensitive, you see and experience things and the subtleties of life in a way that other people don't. It's a gift. It comes with the wiring. So you're not meant to just be jacked up on coffee all day or just wired all the time. You need to take breaks. You need like your nervous system requires rest, it requires extra nourishment than your neurotypical friends or Companions. And they may get frustrated with you, you may get frustrated with you sometimes that you can accomplish every single idea or project that you come up with. But again, building self acceptance can bring you greater peace and emotional stability. And this takes time. So, number eight, we expect too much of our nervous system. This is true. And so often this is like, oh, I'm messed up. I've got like, this can lead to depression, this can lead to all sorts of. But at the, at the core of it is you're expecting your nervous system to do more than it can, instead of looking at it going, well, what is my specific nervous system? What is, what does this one do? Like, what's this car that I'm driving in? What is this meant to do? And when you find the corollary to it, where you find, like, here's where I really shine in terms of the work I do, what I create, what I put into the world, and whether it's a therapist where you're really deep listener and that's the support that you give people, or you're an artist or you're an entrepreneur, whatever it is, your nervous system is going to be a gift to you when you learn to work with it instead of pushing against it. So that's number eight. We expect too much of our nervous system. So number nine, commitment to showing up is more important than a commitment to growth. I'm going to say that again because I think it's so important. Commitment to showing up is more important than a commitment to growth. So growth happens by showing up. It's not the other way around. Staying with coaching, staying with your support system, especially when you're struggling, is what is going to make the difference. So there's a really common thing that comes up. It's got to come up at least once a month where a client will say, I really, really did not want to do this coaching session today. I just, I'm kind of off. I'm not feeling good. But, you know, I'm just, I'm going to do it anyway. I don't have a lot of wins. And those are the most powerful sessions. Those are the ones where there's real growth because they're showing up when they really don't want to show up. And that's when I see things really shift. And that willingness to be like, okay, I'm just going to show up. I don't have anything. Growth happens because you show up. And it's those points that when you're most not wanting to do it is. That's the that's often the cusp of you going to another level. So what I say is, don't worry about having it all together. Showing up is the win. Showing up creates growth. And finally, number 10, people who do well build a support system around them. This is undeniable. When I look at all the people I've worked with, it's the ones that took the coaching, took the group, took whatever it is that we offered, and they built a support system around them. Those are the ones that do the best. So few things in coaching are an absolute for everyone, but this one definitely is. The clients I work with who build a good support system for the places they struggle always do better than the clients that don't. So many of our challenges won't go away, as I said earlier, but if we build in support systems for those weak points without identifying with. I'm just doing this because I'm broken. I need to. I've got adhd, so I guess it's not about that. So it's about owning that what you have to share is valuable and it requires proper support to make it happen. And we're communal animals, so we've lived tens of thousands of years in community. We're not meant to live in isolation. It's against our DNA. And even if you're an introvert like me, it may require a bit of effort in finding the right people to work with, but getting support is essential and it's worth it. It's worth it for you to push past the awkwardness and going through a few different types of support systems until you find the right one. I'm not saying you should just be like, okay, well, I'm gonna suffer through having a really crappy therapist or really crappy, like, whatever. I mean, there's people that are really good at what they do and there's people that aren't that great or they're not maybe a fit for you. And so it's important to filter through and finding the people and the right systems that are going to really help you. But that is worth it. That is. That journey is absolutely worth it. Because those challenges may not go away. But then if you've got two or three other ways for you to get that kind of support, whether it's like bookkeeping and you've scheduled, you know, once a month, you're meeting with someone and they're just going through your, your books and you're going through it. Maybe they're supporting you and just getting your bills paid or getting those systems set up. It's invaluable. And it doesn't mean you're broken. It just means this is not your strength. No big deal. Like, you know you don't get mad at a fish because it can't ride a bike, right? Fishes fish are doing something different. So number 10 people who do well build a support system around them. Okay, so that's my top 10 list. If you are interested in my life coaching services, you can go to alivelifecoaching.com I'll leave a link in the description. And as a reminder, we will be doing a time management and mind mapping workshop sometime in late autumn. So if you're interested you can drop us an email at info drummer and the great mountain.com to get on the wait list. Otherwise we will be announcing that shortly and that's it. So until next time, be well.