Adult Child Podcast

Episode: SHITSHOW SATURDAY #169 – Carole F.

Host: Andrea
Guest: Carole F.
Date: September 13, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of "Adult Child" features a powerful, candid, and often darkly humorous conversation with Carole F. about growing up in a dysfunctional family, the far-reaching impact of generational trauma, codependency, addiction, and toxic shame, and her ongoing journey to heal. With vulnerability and resilience, Carole shares her personal story, from a troubled childhood to the pursuit of recovery, self-acceptance, and breaking intergenerational cycles. Listeners will find truth, validation, and hope in this raw reflection on family wounds and the slow, hard work of recovery.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Carole’s Dual Life: Comedy and Coaching

[02:03] Carole:

• Carole describes her “mullet” career—by day she’s a nutrition coach, by night a stand-up comic.
• She relates to living with dual aspects of personality, balancing health and humor.

2. Early Awareness of Dysfunction

[04:20] Carole:

• Carole’s mother referred to their family as dysfunctional, with a father described as a “dry drunk.”
• Carole always sensed “something was wrong,” but was unclear on specifics until adulthood.
• Realization that she was deeply impacted by her childhood, especially in her uncertainty about becoming a parent.

3. The Legacy of Generational Trauma

[07:34] Carole:

• Carole discusses deep generational trauma in her family, notably her father’s rage (inherited from his own abusive upbringing) and her mother’s depression and unprocessed grief after giving up two children for adoption.
• She recounts never experiencing maternal bonding:
  "I know now that my mom never bonded with me because she was so guilty and ashamed of giving up those other children." [08:15]
• Her role: The reliable, high-achieving, parentified child, responsible for her own needs and emotionally neglected.

4. Parental Alcoholism and “Dry Drunk” Behavior

[11:05] Carole:

• Her mother claimed her father quit drinking before Carole was born, but evidence from her baby book (“favorite food: beer”) contradicted this.
• Carole only saw her father return to drinking—alongside abusive behavior—decades later. She became the target of his rage and emotional abuse via text and email.

5. Parental Relationship and Divorce

[13:31] Carole:

• Parents’ relationship lacked affection or kindness—she “never saw any kindness or compassion or lovingness between them.”
• Her father’s inappropriate sexual behavior toward her mother, witnessed by the children, deeply affected Carole’s views on gender, boundaries, and powerlessness:
  "I grew up with the idea that, well, women just our bodies are for men to do things, and there isn't anything or anyone you can go to about anything that happens." [16:40]

6. Family Splintering and Early Adulthood

[17:24] Carole:

• Parents divorced when Carole was 16; she lived with her father, her sister with their mother.
• Her father wanted Carole to assume the role of “replacement wife,” and she was ultimately discarded for the next stepmother, who was abusive.
• Carole attempted foster care, ended up living with various adults, and married at 19 for safety and stability, only to realize, “This is why you don’t get married at 19.” [19:10]

7. Cycles of Dysfunction in Relationships

[20:00] Carole:

• Carole’s second husband, 14 years her senior, exhibited strong narcissistic and antisocial tendencies, perpetuating cycles of emotional abuse.
• She recognized parallels between his manipulative behavior and her father’s.
• Despite intentions to do better for her son, Carole struggled with guilt over exposing him to abuse:
  "As much as my intentions, I didn't want to fuck up my child… I ended up picking a father for him that was, I feel like, is worse than what I went through." [24:23]

8. Repair and Accountability in Parenting

[24:41] Carole:

• Recent, open conversations with her adult son to validate his experience and apologize for past shortcomings.
• She acknowledged not always validating his pain when he sought answers as a child, striving to do so now.
• Her son now has no contact with his father (supported by a reunification counselor’s recommendation).

9. Healing Journey: Hits, Misses, and Recent Progress

[27:50] Carole:

• Extensive academic training (clinical health psychology, hypnotherapy) as a way to “heal everyone else” and herself.
• Multiple failed therapeutic relationships—transference, countertransference, and even trauma from supposed healing modalities like EMDR.
• Emotional rock bottom hit after compounding losses: her business, home, beloved pets—leading to shutdown and suicidal thoughts:
  "The part of me that shuts down doesn't even want to be here… I just want to go hide and crawl in a well and not be in this world anymore." [31:05]

10. Finding Stability and the Right Support

[32:15] Carole:

• Stability finally found through a supportive friend providing safe housing and the work with trauma coach Jesse Deal (Internal Family Systems).
• Slow, incremental healing work—acknowledging the luxury of time, safety, and basic stability as prerequisites.

11. Setting Boundaries and Family Estrangement

[36:41] Carole:

• Carole discusses cycles of no and low contact with family, “black sheep” status, and the paradoxical longing for acceptance.
• Boundaries are continually tested; describing her father now as sad and diminished, while realizing new depths of emotional abuse from her mother.
• Leaving family group chats and blocking her mother was experienced as freeing, not shameful.

12. Reclaiming Self: Strengths and Future Hopes

[40:18] Carole:
Three things Carole likes about herself:

• Exceptional spatial ability (“my favorite evening would be to get me a piece of IKEA furniture that takes me all night to build it”)
• Lifelong curiosity
• “I can make friends in an empty room” (“froomer”)

Her dreams:

• Rebuild her coaching business, integrating nutrition, trauma work, and empowerment for women.
• Help women heal food relationships, toxic diet culture, and address emotional root causes of addiction.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On childhood awareness:
  “I always had a sense that like, I'd been up by my family and extended family, and I don't know where that. But just a sense of, like, this is wrong.” – Carole [05:37]

• On parental mind games:
  “My experience of growing up in the household was, be good, be quiet, be small, have no needs, have no emotions, be a good girl. And I was smart and got straight A’s and took care of my own needs because there was nobody.” – Carole [09:44]

• On relationship cycles:
  “Watching my dad torture my mom and laugh about it, my second husband had that same tendency… it brought him so much joy to see me struggling and unhappy.” – Carole [21:55]

• On accountability in parenting:
  “I think I went too far into not acknowledging the pain my son was experiencing… I apologize for not doing that at the time.” – Carole [25:13]

• On therapeutic harm:
  “Even had, like, trauma with emdr… a former supervisor… traumatized me through emdr… That's horrible. So that I feel like the universe has given me more crap to deal with.” – Carole [31:40]

• On boundaries:
  “It's always these mixed feelings of like, these people are so abusive to me, but you still want to be accepted by them.” – Carole [36:53]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:03] Introduction: Carole’s “mullet” career
• [04:20] Awareness of familial dysfunction and its impact
• [07:34] Generational trauma and family of origin story
• [11:05] Father’s alcoholism and abusive cycles
• [13:31] Parents’ toxic dynamic, divorce, and inappropriate behavior
• [17:24] Living arrangements post-divorce, early marriages, and trauma repetition
• [20:00] Narcissistic spouse, recognizing abuse patterns
• [24:41] Parenting, guilt, and conversations with her son
• [27:50] The healing journey and pitfalls with therapy
• [31:05] Emotional rock bottom—losses and trauma compounding
• [32:15] Discovering real support: housing and right-fit coach
• [36:41] Family boundaries and estrangement
• [40:18] Positive self-traits and future vision

Tone & Language

Carole is open, self-aware, and darkly funny at times, even amid harrowing subject matter. The conversation fluctuates between heavy truths and moments of levity, in keeping with the podcast’s raw, relatable style.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers deeply honest testimony about the enduring scars of childhood trauma, the complexity of healing, and the importance—and challenge—of forging new paths. Carole’s story is a reminder of the slow, nonlinear nature of recovery, and the necessity of truth-telling. Listeners seeking solidarity, hope, and practical wisdom will find much to value in her journey.

For more resources on recovery, codependency, or Adult Child Syndrome, follow Andrea on Instagram here and TikTok here.