Adult Child Podcast: SHITSHOW SATURDAY #146 – The Return of Sandra K.

Host: Andrea
Guest: Sandra K.
Release Date: March 22, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode is a raw, deeply personal exploration of the lifelong impacts of growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive family system, and the journey toward healing complex trauma. Sandra K., a returning guest, shares vulnerable stories about codependency, generational shame, addiction, estrangement, and spiritual growth. Andrea steers a candid discussion that emphasizes radical acceptance, the complexities of survival, and the ongoing work of breaking cycles—a conversation meant to resonate with and validate the experiences of “adult children” everywhere.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Fusion of Worldly and Spiritual Healing

• Sandra describes her evolution from being rooted solely in survival and control to incorporating spirituality into her healing (00:37–06:40).

• Radical Acceptance: Sandra’s therapist introduced her to this concept, which she initially resisted, but has now become foundational in her life.

  “I’m not a cursor, as you well know. And the word out of my mouth was ‘bullshit.’ That is absolutely bullshit. There is no way at that time in my head, I could see achieving any kind of reconciliation between the multiple acts of child sexual abuse by different people, my father’s brutality ...”
  – Sandra K. (03:44)

• She frames Earth as a kind of school and herself as a spiritual being, learning through hardship.

2. Complex Trauma and Memory

• Sandra explains how trauma memories surface: sometimes as flashes, sometimes as sensations, always nonlinear and individual (05:12–07:20).

• She shares the terror, jeopardy, and scarcity of a childhood dominated by her father’s alcoholism and violence.

• She’s learned to see both the “hell” and the beauty of her upbringing.

  “Home was hell. Where I found beauty and where I found magic was outside in the country... I have very fond memories of being a child.”
  – Sandra K. (13:44)

3. Generational & Family Trauma

• Mother’s Story: Sandra’s mother endured immense childhood abuse, passed out as stories to Sandra from a very young age (15:14–17:00).
• She discusses the weight of being made responsible for her mother’s suffering and never receiving love or affirmation in return.
• Explores how these patterns morph into adult behaviors: food issues (bulimia), people-pleasing, and relentless self-blame.

4. Acceptance and Self-Compassion

• Sandra talks about balancing the dual reality of her childhood: “deadly and dangerous... and beautiful and idyllic” (18:16–19:21).

• She shares about a transformative moment in therapy, realizing the magic she held as a child was never shameful but instead vital and worthy.

• There’s a memorable anecdote about noticing beauty in palm trees—a sign of newfound self-acceptance.

  “That was a sign of my self-acceptance because I would never say things like that. My husband hated that part of me. ... My mother, she just thought, how did I have this child...”
  – Sandra K. (19:18)

5. Escaping an Abusive Marriage

• Sandra recounts her 20-year marriage to a “malignant narcissist” (22:31–37:30).

• She shares how her husband’s abuse extended to her daughter and how discovering this finally spurred her to leave.

• The physical escape was tense—hidden preparation, help from unlikely allies, and an act of courage in the face of danger.

  “One of the moving people whispered, ‘If he comes home, we’re out of here.’ She picked up what I was doing. I was running.”
  – Sandra K. (28:02)

• She reflects on how trauma keeps victims locked away from support, unable to recognize signs that others notice.

6. Processing Anger and Recovery

• Sandra realized only recently—through years of therapy and community—that she was justified in her anger and pain.

• Her healing required unlearning self-blame and allowing herself to “be still” instead of react in fear (39:02–40:37).

  “But the cure, if I want to use that word, to health, the wound is so simple. That’s what’s deceptive about it. ... It requires me to be still. It requires me to put aside fear for just a moment.”
  – Sandra K. (39:57)

7. The Power of Community

• Sandra deeply values the “shitshow” community for giving space without judgment, pressure, or interruption (40:40–42:01).
• Andrea and Sandra both reflect on the uniqueness and safety of a group where adult children can finally feel heard and understood.

8. Estrangement From Her Daughter

• Sandra offers a heartfelt account of trying to break generational cycles with her daughter, only to experience estrangement in adulthood (43:04–56:47).

• She tried to provide safety, opportunity, and protection from abuse, but ultimately had to accept that her daughter has her own path—something Sandra continues to work on accepting.

• Discusses the ongoing process of surrender and letting go, trusting her daughter’s journey.

  “If I believe that, it’s not just words I say. If I believe it, am I practicing it? ... I have to trust and I’m working on it.”
  – Sandra K. (53:08)

9. Spiritual Hope & Legacy

• Sandra now sees herself as both a survivor and a beacon for others—a chain-breaker (57:01–61:10).

• She’s proud of her growth and aims to serve as an example, reminding listeners they have the power to reinterpret their trauma.

  “I realized... I want someone to know that they have the power within them to change the way they see the world and experience the world.”
  – Sandra K. (56:47)

• She reflects, with humility and awe, on the generational transmission of trauma among the women in her family, and her intent to end the pattern.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Radical Acceptance Reaction:
  “I’m not a cursor ... and the word out of my mouth was ‘bullshit.’ That is absolutely bullshit.”
  – Sandra K. (03:44)

• On Her Father’s Abuse:
  “I viewed my childhood through that lens. It was a nightmare. … It puts me in a point where I wonder how I even survived.”
  – Sandra K. (04:36)

• Discovering Self-Acceptance:
  “That was a sign of my self-acceptance … I would never say things like that.”
  – Sandra K. (19:18)

• Planning Her Escape:
  “If he comes home, we’re out of here.”
  – Moving Company Worker via Sandra K. (28:02)

• After Leaving:
  “The next morning I went to this little restaurant for breakfast by myself because I was never allowed to go anywhere by myself.”
  – Sandra K. (32:06)

• On Generational Trauma:
  "Five generations. Including me— ... now it includes my daughter, me, my mother, her mother, and her mother.”
  – Sandra K. (59:47)

• Sandra’s Message to Listeners:
  “You have the power within you to change the way you see the world and experience the world.”
  – Sandra K. (56:47)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Fusion of Worldly & Spiritual Healing — 00:37–06:40
• Complex Trauma & Memory — 05:03–13:00
• Mother’s Story & Generational Trauma — 15:14–18:16
• Finding the Magic Amid Hell — 13:44–19:21
• Escape from Narcissistic Abuse — 22:31–37:30
• On Anger & Recovery — 39:02–40:37
• Community & Support — 40:40–42:01
• Estrangement & Letting Go — 43:04–56:47
• Spiritual Epiphany & Legacy — 57:01–61:10

Tone & Atmosphere

The tone throughout is raw, introspective, and compassionate. Sandra’s storytelling is honest, unguarded, and at times poetic, balancing pain with hope. Andrea’s responses are supportive and affirming, modeling the validating atmosphere of the Adult Child community.

Summary

This episode stands as a moving testament to the indomitable human spirit. Sandra’s journey through violence, shame, generational trauma, and eventual self-acceptance is both a cautionary tale and a source of hope for anyone seeking to heal their childhood wounds. Her central message: healing is possible, cycles can be broken, and there is genuine magic in reclaiming your worth—and sharing your story.