Andrea (Workshop Facilitator) (2:49)

Toxic shame, that deep sticky, there's something wrong with me. I'm inherently flawed and unfixable feeling that keeps us small, silent, and disconnected. And we are going to meet this toxic shame in a very, very intentional way through breath work, somatic practices and parts work. And here's why that matters. So breath work is what helps downshift your nervous system so that your body can actually feel safe. Somatic practices gives you the capacity to move what's been stuck, frozen, or hidden in that damn shame. And parts work is what helps you to meet those inner voices, the critic, the pleaser, the avoider, all those damn parts and shift them out of their roles that have been wreaking havoc on your damn life. So together, these practices are really going to help us to get underneath that shame and at the level that it actually lives in, which is in the body and not just in the mind. Okay? And what really makes this workshop so powerful is the container that it's held in itself, which is on this damn shit show ship where you don't have to come in with polished words or have to do it right or have to do the homework. All you have to do is show up exactly as you are, as your damn self. That's the assignment. That's the only one. So if Saturdays work better for you, and if toxic shame is something that's tugging inside you, I know it is.

Commercial Announcer (4:30)

I know it is.

Andrea (Workshop Facilitator) (4:32)

Stay tuned. I'll be announcing that soon. I'm thinking that it's probably gonna. We probably won't start until the beginning of the year, but who knows? We could start it sooner. I'll be making announcements. I'll be sending out emails. I'll be posting on my social media. So stay tuned. And without further ado, let's get on with the damn show. Love you guys. Well, thank you guys for coming. We just wanted to take this time for us to just share what you took away from the experience, what you got out of it, any insights that you might have. I was talking to Teresa before, earlier today, and I was sharing with her that the biggest thing that I took away from this was just the realization of how difficult it is for me to be consistent with checking in with my parts, with my inner child and my various parts. And I've gotten in a good routine with breath work. It's part of my routine every morning, but I really, really struggle with consistency of checking in with my parts. And it's like, how. How can they trust me if I'm not consistently showing up for them? And then that just like mirrors specifically like the relationship with my mom, you know, just like that inconsistency. And so trying to remind myself that that inconsistency is what was modeled to me, you know, and so it makes sense. And so for the past, especially like the past week, I. I've. I've. I've done a good job. I've. I've made a good effort of checking in. And really the biggest thing for me is like not turning away to dissociate or distract or grab my phone. Like, as soon as I. For me, it's always in my legs. It's always in. It's like this energy. It's almost like snakes. Electricity that I just. This anxiety that I just feel in my legs and so stopping and just not even necessarily even like trying to talk to that part, but just like feeling it, just feeling it, just letting it be there. No, I don't have restless leg. That's why I almost corrected myself when I said it feels like snakes. Because I know that that's like a common thing that people say with restless legs, but it's almost like the flight response. Right? That's what it feels like. It feels like I just want to run away from myself. The other thing too is I had the realization of like, there's like a gatekeeper part, a part that keeps me from connecting with my parts. And I never really considered that before. So this is a lot of work and it's just been such an honor to have you guys all here. And the first one was a really good exercise for me in showing myself that I could market and sell a course and actually like follow through in bringing something to the finish line. Because any other time I've tried to market something, I have some sort of like crisis and drop the ball or put it off until the last minute. And so the last time, like I was able to show myself that I was able to execute a marketing plan and took myself on like a really amazing vacation. And then what was beautiful about this time was that I probably put in 50% of the effort in selling it and got more people to sign up. So that was really amazing too. So just continuing to build that self trust that I can take care of myself and I can be an adult because sometimes I don't feel like it. So go ahead, Teresa.

Teresa (Co-Facilitator) (8:29)

Thank you for that. Andrew. I have to apologize. My battling the tail end of a cold. So I sound. I don't know what I sound like, but I feel like I sound really funny. What I love about the Breathe to Heal courses and facilitating breath work to begin with, but the emotional release is people coming back and, you know, right away talking about how for the first time ever, they've been able to connect with their inner child. They've been able to see that little face or feel themselves holding the hand of their, their little one and really, truly feeling that connection. And that's something that we spend, or people do spend years in, in talk therapy trying to, to resolve and through breath work and, and then allowing the parts work as well. That's the second thing that follows with the breath work that we saw that I was able to share this round was the breath work, the parts work, and the somatic release. And it all coming together is like a full spectrum healing of the entire person. And it's with your breath. This has been an absolute joy. And I want to say more, but I, I'm just, I'm struggling to talk and so I'm looking forward to listening to what everyone has to share. And I'm so grateful for everyone's participation and, and for, for trusting us, for trusting us to guide all of you. Thank you.

Commercial Announcer (10:00)

It's been a wonderful journey. Oh, my goodness. And my son's getting married in two weeks. And so there is a part of me I was like, oh, I better not do something that's gonna stir up a lot of, I don't know, just a little bit of fear of committing to the Breathe to Heal workshop, knowing that it was leading up to my son's wedding. But I am so glad I did it because it has cleared the air of just emotional baggage. It's given me a tool, the breathing, you know, the hope of Pono Pono Hoponopono prayer. And I just see. Yeah. I have to say, Andrea, I am so glad, like you have put this together because. And you say that you only didn't give it as much work, but I see you and I'm like, oh my God, how does that girl do all this? How does she show up every, I mean, every day I get a rundown of what in my email, of what was on the show, what happened. And I go back and then look at what happened that day. And I'm like, I don't know how you do it. So you're on a high speed highway to recovery because you're working the program all the time. But also then, Teresa, I didn't know what I was getting into in the first one. I was like, Oh, I know how to breathe, and I've done shigong and, you know, I know this stuff. And then. But I wasn't disappointed. I was always glad I did it. But then I realized, oh, some people have never done, like, hearing their comments and all, help me hold space for others who have never done breath work before, and help me just have a little humility for myself, because I was that person one day, you know, and you're wondering, is it getting down to my belly, or am I just breathing up here? But, I mean, this time really helped me get down deeper in my breathing. It just. How Teresa led us through it was very helpful. And then Teresa, I mean, this is my higher power at work. I was painting a railing, and I was like, oh, that breathe to heal integration thing is, on Saturday, I'll run in and hop on and just listen. You know, I got on and it was just Theresa and me, and I was like, oh, I don't want to take your time, you know? And she's like, no, that's what I'm here for and all. And I'm so grateful she gave her time. She worked with me, oh, like an hour and a half or more. And when we started working, she mentioned getting on this time, and I was like, oh, I really don't. There's a part of me that doesn't want to share, that doesn't want to talk and just those words. There's a part of me that doesn't want to share. She dug into that. It's like she. It was a hook that she noticed, and she got into that. And I mean, she got me to talk about where I felt it in my body. She got me to picture it all and walk through it. And, you guys, I had such a release of my childhood abuse situation where I was sexually abused as a child, and I was picturing this anvil on my chest and just this constriction in my throat that ended up being, like, slime. I don't know how to describe it, but the way she walked me through it was so healing and powerful. And I thought I journaled about it and all, but I'm also. I. I'm not on a super highway, but I like to listen to books and podcasts and so forth, and I'm listening to the Pete Walker's book Complex ptsd and just having here heard some of the stuff he covers in that, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I am doing this work. I am learning the tools to do the work, but learning verbiage to Talk. And I'm telling you, I probably wouldn't have talked if I hadn't met with Teresa on Saturday and let that part be freed from the constrictions and weight that I have been carrying my whole life. I'm an outgoing person on all as a mask I wear. I'm really good at wearing masks. I've done it my whole life. I was in a family that. That I had to wear a mask. My dad was in politics, and so I couldn't mess up. My secrets had to be hidden. And once my parents died, it's like this lid has been lifted off of my feelings and voice and all kinds of stuff. But anyways, I really appreciate it. I could go on and on. One of the things that, though, got me here was hearing podcasts where people shared how this helped them and hearing people share that. I was like, gotta try this. And I'm really glad I did. And I thank you all for holding space for me. I'll pass.

Participant 1 (15:33)

Hey, I guess we're just piping in. Sorry. I've got my video off. I'm not feeling well. But, yeah, I am the worst patient. It's like I hurt my foot and I go to therapy and I'll do therapy while I'm there, and I'll have homework, and I'll never do it. I don't do it. But I did do this breathing. I did the breathing. I did the second one a couple of times, and it was just really, really powerful one. And even though I haven't done the. The work well, I have done the work even though I haven't done it every day. It might be a lot for every day, but what I found is I noticed it in my interactions with people. I. I'm noticing that people I deal with at work, they don't breathe. And it's so obvious when you notice it, when you're aware of it, and that's just beautiful. And I. I did a. I did a. A gong bath last week. And, you know, this person was. Was talking about some trauma. And, you know, the minute I started a relaxation in the beginning, he stopped breathing. And we stopped and we talked about it a bit and I said, I'm not even going to talk anymore. Just focus on breathing and watch yourself when you stop breathing. There we go. I'm helping everyone else but myself. But I think in that awareness and that realization, I even noticed when I. When I. Lately this week has been challenged because I haven't been feeling well, and my boss has been under her own stress and Taking it out and acting out. But I noticed that when I just get up and I walk out of the room without. Without making an issue out of it, without making drama out of it, I can walk out of the room, take a deep breath, and walk back in and feel a lot more relaxed. And I just want to share. I can't negate the fact that, you know, looking for higher power moments, I think I shared a couple weeks ago or last week that, you know, I haven't spoke to my brother in a couple of years. So we spoke, and a couple days later, he called me. He said, you know, I'm going for a gong training in Miami for five days in October. And he said, do you mind if I come and stay in your apartment while I'm gone? And that was huge for him. That was huge. And I don't know. I can't.

Teresa (Co-Facilitator) (17:51)

It's.

Participant 1 (17:51)

It's too much of a coincidence that it happened while. While I'm, you know, becoming more aware of who I am. And, you know, he's the one of. He's the one of the other three siblings that I connect with the most. But, you know, there's something about energy and. And the energy I'm putting into my. My own work. And this is a big help, I think. I think, you know, I'm sitting here going, yeah, but I'm not doing it. But I am doing it and doing it in my own way, in my own pace. But I want to thank both of you. And, you know, like I said, I'm. I'm the worst patient, and I come very slowly to things. So I am a part of this group. And thank. Thanks to both of you for holding the space. Thanks everyone else for being here. Cherry, you know that feeling when your day finally slows down and you just want to relax, unplug, and feel good? That's where Mood.com comes in. They're changing the game. Delivering legal THC products right to your door. No shady dealers and absolutely no medical card required. Just good vibes and better sleep shipped straight from their farm to your couch. From delicious THC gummies, smooth vape pens, to premium THC flour, Mood has it all. And everything's federally legal under the 2018 farm bill. Yeah, this isn't some loophole. It's the real deal. Head to mood.com and use code F I R S T20 for 20% off your first order. That's M O O-D dot com. Find your mood.

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Participant 2 (21:09)

Just like realizing that your body wants things, you know, that when you're hungry, you can acknowledge that. I think that's one of the major differences that I feel also. So since doing the class, I don't think I fully realized how shut down I had become. I was in a pretty toxic relationship, marriage. And even though we separated, it stayed kind of intertwined longer than it should have. But I did not realize until doing this class just how much of myself I kind of, I guess, put away shelved in order to keep the peace, in order to, you know, manage him. It's been really hard to be honest, to have those realizations, to finally feel those things, because I've always liked my, you know, think of myself as independent. And even though I come from a difficult family, I was the fighter, the scapegoat, the one that stood up. So I like to think that I am strong and to realize all of the little insidious ways that I changed in order to accommodate this person. Was a big wakeup call for me. It was a big realization. And now, you know, I feel much more connected to my body and thus much more connected to myself and my needs and things that I want. It's kind of like being awake. I was not as awake as I thought I was for a good while there. I can't even remember. Just a. As a crazy example I think back on is towards the end of our relationship, I saw this local farm was asking for volunteers. And I am not an outdoorsy farm person. I'm a city girl. But like, something was telling me you have to go do that. Like, you need to be outside, you need to use your body, you need to exist. And I did. And it was wonderful. It was really wonderful. But it was also like I fought against it at the same time. Like, maybe I'm not going to go in today or I don't know if I, you know, don't really belong here. And. And you know, I've been doing something for myself. Even though I don't clearly recognize it as such, it still felt bad. Like I felt guilty. So my body has been trying to tell me things, but I was not listening or, you know, I had shut down into. In a way that I couldn't hear it anymore. And so I. It was, yeah, it's been really good to be with myself and to, I don't know, I guess just start to reconnect with what I enjoy, what I want, what I need, and that it's okay for me to take time for myself in that relationship. You know, we're all somewhat familiar. You're so hyper vigilant, you're so watchful. You're waiting and trying to anticipate what's going to happen next and what's the next bad thing and what am I going to need to do. And it's. It's so much of like, my brain power that took up so much space that there was just not that much room left for me. So I'm really glad that I realized I'm still capable of taking care of myself for being myself, for taking time for myself. It's kind of like I've been in therapy for almost two years. I was in that relationship for most of that. But it's like there's always something new to. It's almost like an onion, right? If you peel off the layers, there's still layers under there. So this has definitely been a way for me to kind of keep growing and keep healing and keep coming back to myself. And it's Been amazing and I really appreciate it.

Kelly Clarkson (25:48)

Hey, guys, in my year, annual planning or New Year's resolutions are kind of like goal setting or whatever you want to call it. I wrote down. I mean, I always feel like I have the thing that some of you talked about here where it's like I'm in my head all the time and I'm not really in my body. So kind of like I do all this talk therapy and listen to these podcasts and, you know, read books or whatever, but it was like, okay, I need to do something to be more in my body and like, breath work, breathing, like, you know, that's a thing. So wanted to kind of look more into that. And I've been doing some on Inside Timer, but I just, I don't know, I never got into the routine. And then this came available and it was like, you. Yes, you. So I signed up and prepaid and it was a good, like, commitment to myself to just be able to come. And like you said, the, the space, the safe space that you offered where I don't have to do homework, whatever, like, just show up every time that was helpful to me. And I do this to check myself. Like, where you described the breath as like filling your belly first and then your chest, that's kind of like a quick thing that I can do throughout the day to just sort of like check myself and drop it in my body and like check my breathing. I was surprised when you were leading us through the exercises. And I guess I'm kind of like, what Anastasia was explaining. Like, I'm really air hungry and I can never hold my breath that long. And it's like, I would like to train, swimming or whatever, but I mean, it's just the breathing. I can't do it. And you know, you were like, and hold and hold. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I am okay right now. I don't have to like huff and puff and suck in this air. So it was kind of like that was probably the longest I held my breath to. You know, that was interesting. And then afterwards, like, kind of like feeling conditioned, I did a. Just a quick cardio, like high intensity interval training right on my bike. And I noticed like at the end I was like, oh, you know, I'm kind of like I was breathing better. I think the big, the big thing for me. And it's like, you know, different people talk about whatever layer of the onion you're on at any given moment. And, you know, different people have shared different ones of, you know, where you Are and kind of what speaks to you and oho, pono pono. If I'm saying that right. Prayer was really powerful for me. It was that it. It came at a time I have been in this, you know, friendship with this girl, you know, we met in college and whatever, and just energetically we were going in different directions and it just wasn't really healthy for either of us. And kind of that prayer gave me exactly what I needed at that time to just like, you know, hold my boundary and acknowledge my part in it, acknowledge the lesson for me in it, and, you know, let it go. And so I talked to my therapist about that. And so it's kind of like I'm using that prayer with other parts or with other parts of myself or with other situations. Like, I'm kind of taking that and using that and working with that. So those were my big takeaways. So, yeah, appreciate it. It's fun to carve out some time to be here with all of you. Thanks.

Participant 3 (28:58)

So I did both the first breathe to heal and the second breathe to heal. And so I've said some of these things before, but I'll say for this, the sake of this group, I agree. Like, one of the best gifts is that I kind of knew Teresa from the shit show before. And then she came and like, sort of she stepped into this, like, leadership role or whatever to carry other people, the public and the rest of the shit show people. And she was able to be so authentic and that. That example of having to, like, claim her part and say, I'm struggling in this moment and kind of demonstrating for us in real time what it's like to work with the CPTSD brain and execute a big event and still be a leader. It's like that, that wounded healer, that authentic leadership, means a lot to me. And so I think we all kind of benefit from that. We appreciate her authenticity and that she is, you know, like a lot of workshops and things in YouTube and, oh, gosh, these little reels and stuff, people say they're trauma informed, but then they're saying things that traumatize you or they're saying things that trigger you and they're trying to get you to do things so quickly and so intensely. And it's nice to have the actual experience of somebody who is trauma informed and is working with us in a very gentle way and have that sense of being held in safety along with the experience of kind of pushing yourself and doing the exercises. Yeah. Like, years ago, somebody walked me through a yoga class where they were doing Kundalini Power Rising or whatever with these gongs, and I left there more panicked than when I walked in, you know, So I had. And part of the reason I signed up for two different things is because I had three or four major life events in the last few months, and I really felt like I needed that extra support. My mom has Alzheimer's. I moved her to memory care. We cleared out my child's home where she had been for, like, 50. And then my husband also retired early, partly because of his own CPTSD and his mental health issues, and he's struggling. So I knew I needed something else and extra support, and I just needed to be guided and sort of held along that way. And I. I mean, it's like, with the deepest of gratitude that I knew when I would hear Teresa's voice that I was in safe hands. And that as much as I was experiencing wherever that would take me, there was sort of that support behind there. And. And it was so powerful. Like, I don't know that I could have done all those things that I did without having that support. It was kind of like just this gift that came at the right time, place for my life. And, like, I don't know that I've had so much intensity as an adult that was re. Traumatizing and really put me in my ACA pathology as much as the things that have been happening to me these last few months. So it was a great gift in that way and to kind of change the perspective and see. I love what you were saying about seeing the world with new eyes and really dropping into your body and being able to experience things in a new way without always being in your head. Like, really having the sense of what it's like to be in the world. And then I just have, like, a recommendation for all of you. And I don't know if you felt the same way as I did about the emotional release breath work, but one of my great joys this last time was knowing what was coming for people. And it was like this secret surprise, almost like Santa comes down the chimney or whatever. And it was so much fun to see everybody do the emotional release breath work and then come back on the screen and be, like, transformed and changed, like they had experienced something for the first time, almost like a spiritual experience. And so I was just really. I enjoyed that this time because I was like, oh, just wait. Just wait. And it was nice, like, I. To hear and see and feel the emotion of what people had been through. And so I recommend that if you do more than one, don't tell anybody what's coming, and then just enjoy the effects of what it does to people because it's transformational. And the same thing for the chakra clearing and the whole ho' oponopono prayer and that. All of that has the effect. But there's really something magical about that emotional release. Breath work, at least there is for me. And I know, I feel it. And the more I've done it, the more intense and deep and powerful. Like when I'm really stuck now with, like a therapeutic question, if I do one of those breathwork sessions, it comes clear, you know, maybe not right away, but within a couple of days, I start to get some clarity and some real groundedness around that question. So this has been one of the most important gifts of my adult life, for sure.

Participant 4 (35:09)

Hi. Yeah. Firstly, Andrea, I. I've often thought throughout these six or so weeks how. How impressed I am with the. I don't know, I don't want to call it a product, but what has come out of this workshop, separate to the shit show community? I've only just joined, and I've been familiarizing myself with how things sort of operate. And always when I go to the app or to whatever browser version is something that I always can come to. It's kind of like my grounding. And it's been really, really great to be part of it. And hopefully there will be more workshops to come. And then regarding the. The treatment approach, I've always known that my healing is going to come from within me, and it's not contingent upon my father acknowledging what a dickhead he was at times or his apology. What I'm trying to say is it's the first time I've actually felt empowered and in control of my healing. And I was sent to a psychologist when I was 19. And on, on and off, I've. I've received talk therapy and things made sense, but never sort of clicked with me. So really looking forward to sort of continuing this journey and kind of being able to build relations, identify and build relationships with my heart, because chewing them away hasn't done anything for me. Thank you so much.

Andrea (Workshop Facilitator) (36:55)

Let it all go what's making you small now?

Kelly Clarkson (37:00)

Let it all go what you got to do yeah.