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Kokomoko
Alexander the Great was known for many things, but you may not have heard of the legend of his known as the Gordian Knot. It has even been written about by Shakespeare in one of his plays. The legend of the Gordian Knot is now synonymous with solving an issue that you feel like is a creative rut or you have no path forward. Story goes back to the land of Figraens, an Indo European society that had no ruler and they inhabited what is known as modern day Turkey. One day, a peasant farmer named Gordius drove his ox cart into the city. He dedicated the cart to the God known as Sabazios. He tied the cart to a post with an intricate knot. Roman historians even wrote about how impossible the knot was to untie. And many men tried. An oracle once said that the first man to be able to untie this intricate knot will become the leader of asia. In the 4th century BCE, Alexander the Great came into this town determined to untie the knot and expand his conquest. He tried for a while but was unable to untie the knot using his hands like all of the men before him. He then came to the conclusion that he would untie this knot in an unconventional way that no one had tried before. He decided it wasn't about how you untie it or that you follow the rules, but rather that it was done. According to the legend, Alexander the Great took out his sword and he sliced the knot in half in one swoop, much to the shock of those that were watching. A knot that thousands before him had tried to tie the conventional way. But before that no one had thought to slice it in half because they thought that it was not allowed, no pun intended. He would then fulfill the Gordian Knot prophecy by conquering as far east as modern day Pakistan. Also, are you guys seeing the lady on Tik Tok right now? The American lady from New York City that moved to Pakistan. It is like it's a whole lore if you fall down it. Anyways, according to legend, after he cut the knot with his sword, he declared destiny is not something brought about by legend, but by clearing away with one's sword. This is a story that is told on page 133 of the book. The Courage to Be Disliked by Akira Kashimi. We will go more into the meaning of this story and more from the best selling book in today's episode of Ahead of the Curve with Kokomoko. Happy Cocomoko Monday. I hope my episodes bring you companionship on your Mondays while you send emails, you drive to work or you maybe get in a workout. Let me know in the reviews or comments on Substack where you most often listen to and or watch this show. I wanted to dive into this book for an episode and break it down from a modern creative marketing perspective and I was so diligent with reading the book. If you guys are watching the video version I have like my pink little post it notes that I cut up all throughout the book. I had my highlighter. I was really going in because I just wanted to understand it as best as I could as I was reading it and doing my notes for this episode. I was really adamant about not reading any reviews online because I didn't want to be influenced by the most popular quotes. If you are a busy person and you don't have time to read the book right now, but you appreciate me giving it to you in an entertaining format that is easily digestible, please consider leaving me a review on Apple and Spotify. That is the best way to get me continued feedback that you appreciate this podcast and the efforts. If you are watching this video version on YouTube, Substack or Spotify I will be doing something new today where I do my makeup while I talk, actually getting ready for my birthday celebration with my family. Go boost me on famous birthdays where I'm gonna be going to the Century City Mall today. If you guys live in la, you know that that's actually the best mall in all of the land. Except the only qualm I have with it is that they don't have an Urban Outfitters or the biggest crime is sadly they don't have a Mongolian barbecue and Mongolian barbecue noodles are like one of my favorite meals. I'm just so sad. Anyways, but it is one of the best malls and right now they have an exclusive Build A Bear and hello Kitty store. So the two of them paired up, they got one of the store spaces and they created essentially what is like a Build A Bear, like what we're all used to and what we all know and love. But it is only the Sanrio hello Kitty characters that you can get at this mall. So I'm almost 30 but I'm making my family go with me and we're all gonna get our own hello Kitty plushie Build a Bear animals. And I'm so excited. After that I am going to watch the Grammys at one of my friend's house which I'm really excited for. It's like a Grammy watch party. And if you also want to see what the hello Kitty store looks like then you can go over to my socials. I'll probably be posting there. And there's also like a I'm a Chamberlain coffee shop at the Century City Mall. So I'm just gonna kind of vlog it a little bit. But back to what we're going to talk about in this episode. We're going to talk about the truth about loneliness, especially online, why it can actually be a good thing as a creator. And that is from page 52 of book. And then I'm going to talk about why inferior inferiority can actually be a positive thing and how to apply it in a healthy way, especially if you're a creator who compares yourself to others in your niche, which is from page 72 of the book. And then I'm going to talk about the idea of unburdened love, especially when it comes to growing an audience that loves you unconditionally despite your failings or your mistakes from page 95 of the book. Then I'm going to talk about how kind of the synopsis of this episode is the courage to be disliked is actually what leads us to being loved and how to apply this as a creator who's terrified of saying the wrong thing, that is from page 122 of the book. And then in the paid portion of the episode, exclusively available for paying Coconuts of my best selling substack@cocomoco substack.com I will dive into talking about the Gordian knot legend Alexander the Great, and how you can be more like him as a creator, how you can solve problems in unconventional ways, even if you've been told that it's something that you're not supposed to do on a platform or it's something that causes you to be disliked at first. And that is from page 133. And then I'm gonna end it by talking about the power of existing and how to truly appreciate your audience, even if you feel invisible to them at times. Like if they're not clicking on your videos, if they're not engaging with your stuff, what are we entitled to when we put out our best work and our most vulnerable selves? And that is from page one 91. So if you're someone who puts work out there and you're really insecure that it doesn't get any clicks, it doesn't get any views, we're going to talk about what that could mean. And also some real life creator examples of that happening. And then at the very end of this, on the paid portion on my substack as well I'm going to open this little hello Kitty lol surprise doll on camera because I'm just really excited about it. I got it for myself for my birthday and I was like it actually be so fun if I open this on camera. So that is what we're going to do. My theme of this year of life is apparently hello Kitty. Also, the new game came out on Nintendo on my birthday. Anyways, thank you guys for making my substack a bestseller and allowing me to continue this podcast completely ad free for two years. I hate when podcasts have a million ads about the same five products and I just never want to do that to you guys. It takes me completely out of the listening experience. It is because of Substack that I'm able to continue this ad free and you can become a member of the bestselling substack@kokomoco substack.com all of the coconuts are going to be discussing the Grammys tonight in the Coco Moco substack chat. So if you're like me and afraid of annoying your friends and family by blowing up their text with all things pop culture as it's happening in real time, then you can join our combo of like minded pop culture lovers. And also starting last episode, I turn off the comments on YouTube and you can only comment or engage if you are watching it on Substack. One lady does that. She posts all her content for free everywhere but only turns on the comments. For paying members of substack, she makes $5 million annually. Okay, so we're going to try that out. But now for the episode and to continue my makeup, we are going to start by talking about the truth about loneliness according to the book and how I think that we can apply this to modern day sort of like online world and honestly why it can actually be a good thing as a creator. Now a little reference as I go into some of the quotes from the book is the author is referencing something known as Adlerian psychology. So if any of the quotes, if he references like Adler says this Adler hypothesizes this, it's because they are referencing the psychologists that the teachings are based on. Like you know how some people reference like Freudian psychology? Well this book references Adler psychology. So on page 52 of the book the author talks about the idea of loneliness. Now what comes to mind for you when you think about loneliness? You might think about being in the woods, on the beach or in your car with no one around you. But when you actually think back on the moments in your life where you felt the most lonely, it was probably never those moments at all. Instead, the loneliest moments of your life possibly came from examples like being in a room with your partner, as you felt invisible to them from being at a big party that you were so excited to go to, but then when you got there, you felt like you didn't really fit in and you didn't have anyone to talk to, or you felt like no one was really interested in hanging out with you. Or maybe even loneliness is actually the feeling of, for example, being in a store surrounded by strangers who have no idea that maybe you just got, like, really bad news or something. The author of the Courage to Be Disliked argues that loneliness is only a feeling that can come from being in contrast with others, which only happens when you're surrounded by others, not when you're alone. So loneliness is a feeling that actually cannot happen when you're physically alone. On page 52, he writes that loneliness is having other people and society and community around you and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people. This was the first sentence in the entire book that I highlighted, because it really hit me. And on the following page he wrote, whatever the worry that may arise, the shadows of other people are always present. So we would not have any worries in the world if we were never surrounded by other human beings. That this applies to being a creator or an artist as well. You feel inferior, and your feelings of being unseen or lonely, even after putting out your best and most vulnerable work, only arise in comparison to others. Instead, you might feel the utmost sense of freedom in creating during, like the editing and the filming stage before you ever hit post and put it out into the world. It's almost impossible to feel like you failed if you haven't posted it yet. And that's also why so many people never post. But in the long run, they end up never finding success. Once you hit post and put it out in the world, you become the most insecure about your work. I believe that vulnerability is not in the act of being seen, but in the act of trying to be seen and still feeling invisible. It reminds me of the family my audience raised money for from Altadena for the fires. I had found an older couple who only had five donations on their GoFundMe after their house burnt down in Altadena. I had seen that Other people online. Again, it's all just luck and happenstance. But like other families online that posted about the fires, they had raised like $500,000 in a day. And it's so dystopian. I always say this, like, it's so dystopian to me that sometimes your survival in the world is dependent on how viral you can go. Like, after a mass tragedy, your ability to make money and get out of that dangerous situation is totally dependent on how viral your GoFundMe goes. It's like an episode of Black Mirror. Imagine any other historical event throughout history. If we really felt like the only way that all of those people could get out of this dangerous situation was how viral they went online. Anyways, it pulled at my heartstrings and then as a result, I shared out on threads on Instagram, actually, that I found a couple that only had five donations on their GoFundMe. And within two days, the Coconuts, my amazing audience had raised about $46,000 for this older couple on GoFundMe that I had never met before. I didn't even know them. It was all just totally like a coincidence and like happenstance that I even saw their GoFundMe and keep in mind as well, this was after my audience had raised over $40,000 for a family that I knew and loved, whose house burnt down that I was so lucky to have spent time in. So in total, my audience between that and then a third GoFundMe link, my audience had raised like, I think probably almost $100,000 in a week from the Altadena fires beginning. And I'm so grateful. Their granddaughter for the family that only had five donations that I found. And then when I shared it out, she messaged me that she was in a grocery store and when she saw donations begin flooding in, she began to cry. It was the utmost act of vulnerability to experience tremendous loss, like a fire. And then to put your face and name up online and to ask for help and no one sees you, to keep refreshing your GoFundMe and you see that no one else has donated. The loneliness is not from the creation in the peace and quiet while you're alone, but from the emptiness of putting your work or story out there for millions to see. But no one sees it. But how courageous. How courageous is it for someone to put their work out there and to feel the loneliness almost daily, but to keep going regardless. One of my favorite stories of persistence as a creator is Amelia Dims from Chicken Shop Date. And you guys know this because I literally always reference her because I just love her videos so much. So she posted her interview series of Chicken Shop Date for seven years before she had A massively viral video. It took the algorithm years, almost a decade to find out who they should push her videos out to, because there was nothing else like it before. There was no litmus test of an audience to test it on. She could have easily given up and began posting Get Ready with me videos when they were popular or story times. But no, she stuck with her idea, even if it was lonely and she was unseen for years. If you can't bear the pain and embarrassment of posting your videos online and having no one see you, then practice the art of post and go. That is what I do. Post the video and then preoccupy yourself with the next task instead of obsessing over the views. The most life changing virality I've ever had online was when I stopped caring about views. Yes, my views might be low for a month or even three compared to when I was leaning into one viral formula every single day, but if I never allowed myself to fail and flop, then I would still be doing the same tarot videos of 2022. I'm glad that I felt upward and felt lonely 95% of the time as a creator for the last three, four years, because that loneliness is always what happens right before a life changing video. The next part of the book that I really enjoyed was around page 72, and this is where the author talks about how inferiority can actually be a good thing and how to apply it in a healthy way. And what I took from it is how to apply it in a healthy way. I'm also using this Pat McGrath eyeshadow palette because I'm trying to bring blue eyeshadow back. So if you guys have blue eyeshadow, join the cause anyways. But if you're a creator and you notice that you're constantly comparing yourself to others in your niche and it's driving you insane, He I interpreted it in a way that makes sense, but he kind of talks about how not to feel that sense of competition. He writes that a healthy feeling of inferiority comes from competing with oneself and not others. And so he's essentially saying like, so many people run from this feeling of insecurity. And if someone calls you insecure, they're like, you're so insecure. It's like obviously seen as a negative. However, in some ways it can actually be a positive because if you never feel insecure, then you might never feel that drive to push yourself to get better, but you just have to find a way to harness it in a healthy way. Now, when it comes to creators, one of the biggest problems that I actually see with creators online is that they're in such fierce competition with others that they see in their direct niche, including myself at times. But the problem with competing with others in your niche is that you are then put into a box, and it's a box that already came before you. In order to be a somewhat successful creator, you must already have a competitive spirit, and there's nothing wrong with that. Thousands of people post videos every minute. The few dozen or a hundred videos you might see on your feed every day are, in theory, the best of the best. But what happens with naturally competitive people, including myself, is that they begin looking to others to compete with that are in their niche as a freelance creator or business owner. And this is something I realized when I left corporate America, is that you no longer have a measurement for success. You no longer have a boss or co workers that are able to tell you whether you're doing a good job or not. Also, like, how do people do their eyeliner while talking? This is so hard. Holy cow. Okay, But I did it all right. Anyways, so they have no measurement anymore. I don't have a boss telling me every day like, this is your to do list. And I used to be able to use my to do list as a measurement of, like, I got everything done today that I needed to do. You know, I did good this year. I'm gonna get a raise. Like, I never have that as a creator anymore. So I think naturally, what happens is that when those qualitative metrics are stripped from us, we begin looking to other creators as a measuring stick. But then this actually becomes so unhealthy. I actually find it kind of funny whenever, like, I will meet a creator and I'll just assume that, like, they're best friends with the other creators that are in their. Oh. Oh, my God, you guys, my eyeliner just exploded in my eye. Is that normal? Hello. If you guys are watching the video podcast. Wait, you guys. What is happening? And now it's up here too. You guys. Respect to makeup creators. How the hell do they film and, like, stay on track and not have eyeliner explode in their eye? Wait, is that normal? Okay, hold. I'll be back. I need to fix this. I had to finish my black eyeliner off camera because that was so spooky. And now I have to redo my concealer under my eye. Anyways, back to what we were saying about the courage to be disliked and competition. I'm always so shocked that, like, whenever I meet creators, I always just assume that, like, creators that are in the same niche are all, like, best friends. And I'm like, oh, my God, like, you, like, blah, blah, blah. And, like, have you ever collabed with blah, blah, blah, blah? And like, you guys, honestly, your favorite creators are more likely than not absolute freaking enemies with whatever other creators in their niche that you also love. Like, I promise you, you would think it's the opposite, but, like, creators in the same niche as each other besides us pop culture people, I feel like we all, like, just hang out a lot and I love them. But, like, I truly feel like creators that are in. Honestly, like, the more niche that, like, the subject matter is, the more, like, animosity there is between the. The creators. It's like. But it makes so much sense because you feel like you're in competition now according to the courage to be disliked. They say that competition only stiffens your creativity. If I compared myself to creators in the niche that I began in, I would still be doing tarot videos. Instead, I decided that none of them were my competition because I was going to do something so different that no one else on TikTok had done before me. And that was when I used my kind of like, predicting tarot format to start doing what I did in my 9 to 5, which was, like, predicting the trends and stuff that were coming out online. And boom, a million followers later, it was like, the best decision I ever made was to stop competing with people in, like, the tarot niche. And this is also a. The competition between creators is also known as a social phenomenon, which is crabs in a bucket. Okay? And there's a page about it on Wikipedia that I'm going to be referencing here. But they say that the analogy is that you can put a big group of crabs in a bucket and you can, like, walk away from the bucket, and you don't have to be afraid that the crabs are going to, like, escape the bucket and all run away or, like, gang up on you for vengeance. Why? Because there's this phenomenon where the crabs, if they're all in a bucket together, if one of them begins successfully escaping and, like, finds a path out of the bucket, all of the other crabs will begin, like, holding that crab back and, like, holding it down so that it can't escape out of the bucket. Instead of working together, right? The crabs could all walk to one side of the bucket and, like, use all of their combined body weight to tip it over, and then all of them get to escape. But no, they're too focused on holding back any of the Crabs that almost get away on Wikipedia. They compare this to something called Tesser's self evaluation theory, which is that we engage in self evaluation not just from introspection, but from comparison to others. And that's why I think this is so rampant in like the creator space. Because a lot of creators, oftentimes we don't have like normal corporate jobs or just normal like 9 to 5 or like whatever job, you know, service jobs. And so we use comparison to other creators in our niche as a way to know if we're like on the right track or not. But then that ends up hindering us in the long run. Something I tell myself whenever I have moments where I feel inferior or insecure compared to other like let's say pop culture creators, is that I should actually be more worried when the creators in my specific niche begin to fail or they go missing from my algorithms, because that would mean that our niche is dying out and no one is interested in our type of content anymore. But when creators in my niche continue to thrive by getting huge brand deals, going massively viral, gaining tons of followers, getting to travel, that's actually a great thing for me as well, because it means that there's still a huge need for this type of content that we make. And like, I should be more worried the moment those creators are no longer on my feed. I hope that that like gives you a new perspective instead of competing with those in your niche. And if you're tired of being in your specific niche, you might not feel competitive, but maybe you just feel a sense of resentment when you see someone new making similar content to you and not just going more viral than you, but enjoying it. That is usually a good sign to change your niche or to think bigger. But by competing with those around you, you lock yourself to to the amount of success that they are having as well. Instead, think bigger than those in your niche. If Simone Biles or Michael Phelps compared themselves to their competitors before them, and currently then they would have never thought it was possible to win record breaking amount of gold medals by virtue of becoming the absolute best. They were no longer in competition with anyone, they were only in competition with themselves. So putting yourself in competition with others locks you in a box. Next thing that they talk about in the courage to be disliked is the idea of unburdened love. Especially when it comes to growing an audience that loves you unconditionally despite your failings or mistakes. And this is on page 95. On page 95 the author writes about the idea of unburdened Love took from this chapter is the true essence of the Courage to Be Disliked in order to be loved, one must first be unlikable. Those who love you the most, including your core audience as a creator or brand, are also the ones that sometimes dislike you or disagree with you the most. The love comes from the freedom of giving your audience the choice to sometimes not like you. Their love for you comes from subconsciously feeling the respect that you have for them, that you trust their judgment. They don't have to blindly support you and like you and your opinions or videos all the time. You respect them as their own individual and not just a member of your audience to make their own judgment calls. And that respect comes from a place of love. Audiences are smart and audiences hate when you insult their intelligence. No matter what niche you might be in, being mad at them because they didn't agree with you once or support a new video might scare some of them into submission and overzealous support on your next video. But that like, you know, like likeableness will block out the true unconditional love between a creator and their audience in the long run. The author writes Adler does not respect restricting one's partner. Relationships which restrict each other will eventually fall apart. The same goes for you and your audience. Allow them the freedom to sometimes dislike you, to criticize you, to disagree with you, or even worse, to just not click on your video because they're not interested. Because if you have the courage to be disliked, then you will ultimately be loved. But if you only want to be liked, you will never be loved, only tolerated. Look at the most successful creators and podcasters of our time. They are polarizing. You cannot spell popular without a P O L A R. Alex Cooper signed a 125 million dollar deal with Sirius XM for her unwell network and I hear more people talk about how much they dislike her in her episodes than they like it. But in her courage to be disliked, she became loved and well paid as a result. But the creators and podcasters who play it safe and walk a middle line and are never polar enough to be popular. They might seem like they are liked by the masses, but they will never be loved and they will never be well paid. They might see short term success and gains, but audiences can sniff out fear from a mile away. If your content is coming from a place of fear and being a crowd pleaser, then you will never be fully loved in the long term. And if you are not fully loved by your audience that sometimes disagrees with you, you are much more replaceable when the next exciting thing comes around. Now this is the end of the free version of this episode of Ahead of the Curve with Koko Moco. I hope that it brought you so much value, even if you're not a paying coconut. But for those of you who want to hear me talk more about the legend of the Gordian Knot and how to apply this to being a creator and how to be unconventional even if people hate you at first because of it, and also the power of existing and still appreciating, appreciating your audience at times, even when you feel invisible to them. What is the value of an audience if they don't click on your videos or engage with your posts? Then that will be in the paid portion of this substack. And I will also be opening this hello Kitty lol surprise doll in the paid portion of the substack if you want to see what character I get and what surprise doll I get. So you can watch that@cocomoco substack.com and if you want to leave a comment or you know, if you want to continue the discussion, maybe you have a creator example of any of the concepts discussed above, such as the most popular creators are the most polar, then you can go over to the substack and leave your thoughts. If you're a paying member, you can also leave your thoughts in the reviews on Apple and Spotify because that helps me so much. But like the lesson of this.