AEE 2431: Can You Make It? RSVP Etiquette for Weddings and Parties in English

Summary

Podcast Summary: All Ears English Podcast Episode 2431 Title: Can You Make It? RSVP Etiquette for Weddings and Parties in English Release Date: June 24, 2025

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Introduction to RSVP Etiquette

In Episode 2431 of the All Ears English Podcast, hosts Lindsay McMahon and Michelle Kaplan delve into the nuances of RSVP etiquette for weddings and parties in English-speaking contexts. This episode is tailored for intermediate to advanced English learners aiming to master the subtleties of social interactions in American culture.

Understanding the Importance of RSVPs

Michelle Kaplan kicks off the discussion by highlighting the common dilemma faced when awaiting RSVPs for significant events:

"Did you send out your invitations weeks ago, but you're still waiting to hear if important people can attend today? Find out exactly what you can say to check if they are coming in English." [01:02]

Lindsay McMahon emphasizes the critical role RSVPs play, especially in American culture:

"We have to know how many people are coming to the wedding so we can know how much food to order, how many place settings to arrange, amount of drinks. I mean, it's really important." [03:52]

This underscores the logistical planning involved in hosting events and why timely RSVPs are essential.

Navigating Unanswered Invitations

The hosts explore strategies to address situations where guests haven't responded to invitations:

• Subtle Inquiry:
  Lindsay suggests a gentle approach:

  "Hey, did you get the invite to the party?" [05:34]

  This method indirectly prompts the guest to confirm attendance without seeming confrontational.

• Direct Approach:
  For a more straightforward interaction, Michelle recommends:

  "Are you going to be able to come to the bridal shower?" [06:16]

  This leaves little room for ambiguity, encouraging a clear yes or no response.

• Casual Language:
  Adding a casual tone can further soften the request:

  "I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make it to the graduation party." [09:02]

  This phrasing maintains politeness while seeking the necessary information.

Personal Experiences and Tips

Both hosts share personal anecdotes to illustrate common challenges and effective practices:

• Michelle's Experience:
  Reflecting on her daughter's birthday party, Michelle notes:

  "My daughter's birthday party, it was just something we threw at the house. So it wasn't something I was going crazy over. But of course, there are always going to be people at the end where you have to reach out or you have to say something." [03:52]

  This highlights the balance between casual gatherings and more formal events like weddings.

• Lindsay's Strategy:
  Lindsay recounts receiving an Evite for a neighbor's birthday party:

  "I got an invite yesterday, actually just an Evite for our neighbors having a birthday party and I thought I was going to forget, so I said, we have to do this now because we're going on vacation." [04:23]

  She underscores the importance of timely action to avoid overlooking digital invites.

Role-Playing Scenarios

To provide practical application, Lindsay and Michelle engage in role-playing exercises demonstrating effective RSVP follow-ups:

1. At the Grocery Store:

   • Michelle invites Lindsay to a bridal shower with an urgent RSVP deadline.
   • Lindsay responds affirmatively, alleviating any anxiety about attendance:

     "I've been meaning to RSVP. I'm so sorry. I can come." [12:06]

   This scenario illustrates a smooth, natural conversation that resolves pending RSVPs.

2. Phone Call for a Surprise Party:

   • Lindsay calls Michelle regarding a surprise birthday party.
   • Michelle apologizes for the delayed response and confirms her attendance:

     "Oh, my gosh. I. Yes. I'm so sorry." [13:56]

   This demonstrates a respectful and considerate way to address missed RSVPs.

Additional Insights on Event Planning

The conversation extends to broader event planning aspects, such as:

• Save the Dates:
  Lindsay explains the purpose and timing of "Save the Date" notices:

  "A wedding save the date would come more like nine months or six months in advance when you're just wanting to make sure those people save." [10:07]

  Michelle adds her perspective as a bridesmaid:

  "I'm going to a wedding in a little more than a month, and I'm a bridesmaid...my son is a ring bearer and my daughter's flower girl." [10:47]

  This highlights the preparatory steps involved in organizing and attending major events.

• Seating Arrangements:
  Lindsay shares her enjoyment of creating seating charts:

  "The best part was the seating chart. My spouse loved doing that. It was really fun...like, who would get along? Who would find this person entertaining?" [12:30]

  Michelle discusses modern alternatives like table boards:

  "It was like one big board and it had a list of everybody." [13:09]

  These insights offer practical tips for making guests comfortable and enhancing the event experience.

Cultural Considerations and Best Practices

The hosts emphasize cultural expectations surrounding RSVPs in the U.S.:

• Timely Responses:
  Michelle advises listeners to adhere to RSVP deadlines to reduce stress for hosts:

  "Make sure you keep track of that RSVP date so you can let the person know if you're coming." [15:14]

  Lindsay agrees, highlighting simplicity:

  "If you know you can make it or can't make it, just RSVP as soon as you get the invite." [15:43]

• Sympathetic Approach:
  Michelle underscores the importance of understanding the invitee's situation:

  "You always have to think about what that person is going through...if this is kind of a pattern with that person or if you think they genuinely just forgot." [15:14]

  This promotes empathy and effective communication in follow-ups.

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Lindsay and Michelle wrap up the episode by reinforcing the significance of connections over perfection in social interactions:

"We believe in connection, not perfection here. So we bring every episode back to human connection. What does it mean for you, your relationships." [15:52]

Key Takeaways:

• Prompt RSVPs: Respond to invitations as soon as possible to aid hosts in planning.
• Effective Follow-Ups: Use a mix of subtle and direct language to inquire about attendance.
• Empathy in Communication: Understand and consider the invitee's circumstances when seeking RSVPs.
• Event Planning Tips: Utilize tools like save the dates and thoughtful seating arrangements to enhance event experience.

This episode provides valuable language tools and cultural insights for English learners to navigate the complexities of RSVP etiquette in American social settings effectively.

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Listeners Interested in Further Learning:

• Check Out: "This is not just a Run of the Mill Episode", a recent episode discussed briefly in this session.
• Resources: Use the All Ears English app for real-time transcripts and personalized vocabulary lists.

Connect with Hosts:

• Lindsay McMahon: The English adventurer
• Michelle Kaplan: The New York radio girl

Join the Community: Learn to speak American English like a native by subscribing to the All Ears English Podcast.

Transcript

[Lindsay McMahon]

This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2431. Can you make it RSVP etiquette for weddings and parties in English? Welcome to the All Ears English podcast. Downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl coming to you from Colorado and New York City, usa. To get real time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app for iOS and Android. Start your 7 day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slapp.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Important event coming up. Did you send out your invitations weeks ago, but you're still waiting to hear if important people can attend today? Find out exactly what you can say to check if they are coming in English.

[Unknown]

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[Lindsay McMahon]

Hi, Michelle. How's it going today?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Good, Lindsay, how are you?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Excellent, excellent. What are we talking about on the show?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, this is gonna be fun. Lindsay, when is the last time you threw a party that required an RSVP?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Probably my wedding, actually. And wedding RSVPs are pretty serious, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yes, exactly. So we're going to be talking about this more today, guys. Make sure that you hit follow wherever you are. Listening to All Ears English, let us come to you. Make sure you don't miss any episodes. If you believe in connection, make sure that you don't miss anything.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Exactly, Michelle. You got it. All right. So you asked me when's the last time I threw an RSVP required party. So what does this have to do with today? Today's topic?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Well, today we're going to talk about how to ask someone if they're coming to your party if they haven't responded. So. Oh, yeah, yeah, that can be. It can be awkward. Yeah, it can be really awkward. But this happens, right? People lose track of things. They. They might not realize that they. That they missed the date or, you know, whatever it may be. I mean, so recently I had my daughter's birthday party. So that was a little bit, you know, it depends on how, how important it is that you know the rsvp. So my daughter's birthday party, it was just something we threw at the house. So it wasn't something I was going crazy over. But of course there are always going to be people at the end where you have to reach out or you have to say something. But more serious, like you said, would be weddings, graduation parties. Weddings is the biggest one.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Weddings are big. At least in American culture. It's probably, I think it's probably different around the. But I could tell you in American culture, I mean, we have to know how many people are coming to the wedding so we can know how much food to order, how many place settings to arrangements, amount of drinks. I mean, it's really important. So don't ignore a wedding invite.

[Michelle Kaplan]

There's usually a date. Like on the invitation. Please respond by right. Lindsay, be honest though. Have you ever forgotten to respond for a wedding?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, I don't or anything. I got an invite yesterday, actually just an Evite for our neighbors are having a birthday party and I thought I was going to forget, so I said, we have to do this now because we're going on vacation. So I did it. I was worried I would just let it. I think those kinds are the most dangerous because they can drop down to your email inbox. I mean, after 24 hours, my emails are buried, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yep. Yep.

[Lindsay McMahon]

So I was. I knew it was going to happen, Michelle, so I just took action.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I know I, I can. That. That's my issue too. Sometimes it can fall down in my email and Evite and. Yeah, then I don't even realize it. Luckily there's usually some sort of reminder, but yeah, you could. You can still miss things. I definitely, I definitely have had that happen to me before, but. But I try to be good about it. But I think everybody knows this can happen with the Evites. Okay, so. But let's talk about it. What can you say if you need to know if someone is coming to the party?

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Lindsay McMahon]

This is the key skill for today's episode. Right. So let's say the person is not RSVP'd for whatever reason and you now need to go after them. Right. And see what's going on.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Now.

[Lindsay McMahon]

So there are certain. So we want to say this in a certain way. Right. So we could say, hey, did you get the invite to the party this is a little more inconspicuous. It's kind of asking them without asking them.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. You're just, you're.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You're asking a different question.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right, Right. It sounds more like you're. You're wondering if they actually got it. You just want to make sure they got it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

But really what you want to know is yes or no. Right? Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Because you're prompting them even without saying it. So that's a good, inconspicuous way to do it. But a direct way would just be, are you going to be able to come to the. Whatever. Are you going to be able to come to the bridal shower?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Or can you make it to the bridal shower? So make it as a little bit more casual. Right, Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

To make it. Right. We're not saying to actually make something, but to can you make it? Means can you come?

[Lindsay McMahon]

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[Michelle Kaplan]

So you're just saying you're putting out there.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. You need to know. Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

But a less Direct would be. Way would be. I was just wondering. Right. We always talk about this. Oh, I was just wondering if.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Blah, blah, blah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make it to the graduation party.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. And it's even less direct by adding. If you think it makes it even less direct than saying, I was just wondering if you'll be able. If you think you'll be able. Is a further indirect.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Really stepping back.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really is. Very light touch.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, exactly. But what do you think? I mean, I, I didn't, you know, write about this in our plans, but. Lindsay, what do you think is if somebody didn't reach out to you, would you be more likely to ask them in person or would you be more likely to text them? Or if you're trying to get their rsvp?

[Lindsay McMahon]

I think I would just. I would do whatever was my next way of communicating with them. Right. Like, if I typically communicate by text, I might. But I might go for. Did you get the INV Fight? Because it's a good. It's a good strategy because they have to say the next obvious question is, are you coming or not? Right, right, right. Or maybe they didn't get it. And then if they didn't get it, then that will solve the problem. You'll understand what's going on.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah, Yep. Exactly. And that's why a lot of the times, I mean, can we. Did you do. For your wedding, did you do a save the date?

[Lindsay McMahon]

We did a save the day. Yep. Save the date. Very typical thing to do. Usually you might. So normally wedding invites would go out, what, like two months in advance? Something like that.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Maybe two. Yeah. I don't.

[Lindsay McMahon]

But a wedding. But a wedding save the date would come more like nine months or six months in advance when you're. You just want to make sure those people save. Especially if you have a summer wedding, people go away, people travel. So you're saying, don't make any plans. It's not an official invite, but you will be invited if you're getting that.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Kind of a funny thing when you think about it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You're invited, but you're not actually invited.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, you're invited. But yeah, you might not have all the details, but you. But you have the date. And so, yeah, that's definitely a good thing to send out. People can start to real, you know, make plans and know that they have to reserve that date. So, yeah, that's good.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Did you. Did you save the dates for your wedding?

[Michelle Kaplan]

I think so. Yeah, I think so. So funny. Like, all the wedding stuff seems so long ago, but I'm about to go. I'm. I'm going to a wedding in a. In like a little more than a month, and I'm. I'm a bridesmaid.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You're a bridesmaid? Michelle, that's great.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I think this is. I think this is it. I think this will be my last time being a bridesmaid. But my son is a ring bearer and my daughter's flower girl. So we're working on. Yeah, last night we had my son. We got him his little tuxedo and he.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, my gosh, that must be so cute.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, so cute. So now I'm waiting on flower girl dresses to try on. So very exciting.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, that'll be fun. I'm going to a wedding this weekend, but I'm not in the wedding, so it's not. It's not a. It's a special responsibility when you're in the wedding party. You know, it's a different thing. Yeah, for sure.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Exactly. Exactly. All right, well, we're going to do two role plays here. Okay, so here we. The first one, we are friends, and I invited you to my bridal shower. The RSVP date is in one day and we run into each other at the grocery store.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, boy. Okay, here we. All right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Hey, Lindsay.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, hi.

[Michelle Kaplan]

How are you?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Great. You?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Really good, thanks. Oh, did you get the invite to the bridal shower?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes. I've been meaning to rsvp. I'm so sorry. I can come.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, perfect. Can't wait.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Nice. Yeah, because it can be a little anxiety provoking if you don't know if those important people can come. Right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I know. It's always exciting. You know, I'm sure when you were getting your RSVPs for your wedding, it's very exciting to check the mail and see coming. Yeah, it's a special moment.

[Lindsay McMahon]

The best part was the seating chart. My spouse loved doing that. That was really a really fun thing to do. You know, you figure, who goes next to whom and all sarcasm.

[Michelle Kaplan]

No, no, no.

[Lindsay McMahon]

That was actually really fun. Like, you actually.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yo.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You really do, like, enjoyed it. Yeah. This idea of, oh, this person's single. Maybe we could put this person next to this person and just like, who would get along? Who would find this person annoying, who would find this person entertaining? You know, that kind of thing. A subtle art of matchmaking among people.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. That's funny. Yeah, I guess that's a good way of looking at it. Did you do, like, table cards or like. Yeah, we did like a board.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, okay. A board. How does that work? Like. Oh, just in front of the table. People's names so people could sit where.

[Michelle Kaplan]

It was like one big board and it had a list of everybody. I remember, like, at the time, that was kind of the new trendy thing, but I feel like it's gone back. I don't know.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. So either way, it's good to kind of curate that a little bit. Just so people are, you know, and then you. When. When you are a guest, you're always wondering what. I wonder what they were thinking when they put me next to this person. What do they think about me? It's fascinating. So anyways, interesting. So, yeah, you use the. The one that I like the best. Did you get the invite to the bridal shower? Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yep. Yep, exactly. So let's do one more. So here we are, childhood friends, and you invited me to your dad's surprise birthday party, but I haven't responded and you're giving me a call.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay. All right, here we go. Hey, Michelle. How are you?

[Michelle Kaplan]

I'm good, thanks.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You? Good, good. Hey, I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make the surprise party.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, my gosh. I. Yes. I'm so sorry.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, that's okay. Yeah. So you must have either forgotten to respond or lost the invite or it just slipped your mind, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yep, yep, yep, yep. So, yeah, I just said. No, you said. I was just wondering if you think. Think you'll be able to make the surprise party. So very. If you think you'll be able.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And I was just wondering. Very indirect. Yeah, right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. So we're all. We're all on good terms. Everything's okay. We don't need to be hunting people down.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Guys, another episode to check out now would be. It's called this is not just a Run of the mill episode. Is that a recent one, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

I think I'm pretty sure. So it's. It's a. I believe it was a Saturday episode.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay. Sassy Saturday. All right, good.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. So it was somewhere between episode 2421 and 2422, but just a few bag.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Nice. Go check that one out, guys. And, Michelle, where should we leave our listeners on the subtle art of getting someone to rsvp?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, I like the way you put it. It is an art. Yeah. You know, you always have to think about what that person is going through, how if this is kind of a pattern with that person or if you think they genuinely just forgot. So I think all these things help us direct how we ask people in general. Guys, a cultural thing. Good. Good to remember to RSVP if you're going to a party in the us make sure you keep track of that RSVP date so you can let the person know if you're coming.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, the best thing to do is if you know you can make it or can't make it, just RSVP as soon as you get the invite. That keeps it simple and makes everyone's lives less stressful.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, exactly.

[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, good stuff, guys. If you love our style, we believe in connection, not perfection here. So we bring every episode back to human connection. What does it mean for you, your relationships? Hit the follow button. If you like the way we do English teaching, this is us right here. Good stuff. All right, Michelle, talk to you soon.

[Michelle Kaplan]

All right, bye bye.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Thanks for listening. To all ears. English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward/fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.

[Unknown]

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