AEE 2433: Communicate Your Boundaries in English

Summary

All Ears English Podcast: Episode 2433 – Communicate Your Boundaries in English

Release Date: June 26, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 2433 of the All Ears English Podcast, hosts Lindsay McMahon and Michelle Kaplan delve into the crucial topic of communicating personal boundaries in English. Tailored for intermediate to advanced ESL learners, this episode offers practical phrases, real-life examples, and insightful discussions to help listeners express their limits effectively in various contexts.

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Listener Question: Understanding "Only So Much"

The episode kicks off with a listener question from Krishna, submitted via YouTube. Krishna seeks clarification on using the phrase "only so much" to imply limitation or impossibility, exemplified by the sentence, "I can only do so much in a day."

Lindsay McMahon [03:47]: "Such a good question, Krishna, and we appreciate you as a listener."

This question sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of setting boundaries through language.

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Exploring the Phrase "Only So Much"

Michelle Kaplan explains that the phrase typically denotes reaching a limit, whether in a single day or over an extended period. It conveys the idea that one has exhausted their capacity and requires a break.

Michelle Kaplan [04:38]: "As Krishna said, yeah, this is about limits. It can't be done or... it can't go on forever."

Lindsay adds that the phrase often relates to energy limitations, emphasizing the need to break away from a taxing routine.

Lindsay McMahon [04:57]: "It's about energy limitations, right? Yeah. You can only do so much of something until you need to do something different."

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Practical Structures and Examples

The hosts breakdown the grammatical structure, making it easier for listeners to apply the phrase in their conversations.

• Structure: "I can only [verb] so much [in a time frame]."

• Example: "I can only do so much in a day."

Lindsay shares a relatable anecdote about underestimating daily tasks versus long-term goals, illustrating the practical use of the phrase.

Lindsay McMahon [05:39]: "I can only do so much in a day. This means that you can't do any more. You've done everything you can."

Michelle emphasizes self-awareness and self-compassion when communicating limits.

Michelle Kaplan [06:37]: "Having that knowledge, you know, having that self-awareness of what are your actual limits. And also sometimes if we just say I can only do so much in a day, it's kind of just, it's giving yourself that grace."

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Expanding the Usage of "Only So Much"

The conversation broadens to include various scenarios where the phrase can be aptly used:

1. Consumption Limits:

   • Coffee Intake:

     Michelle Kaplan [07:28]: "I can only drink so much coffee in a day before my stomach starts to hurt."

   • Ice Cream Consumption:

     Michelle Kaplan [18:01]: "There's only so much ice cream I can eat in one sitting before I start to feel all sick."

2. Work-Related Boundaries:

   • Phone Usage:

     Lindsay McMahon [08:36]: "I can only talk on the phone so much in one day."

   • Travel Limitations:

     Michelle Kaplan [09:00]: "I can only travel for business so much in a month."

3. Personal Activities:

   • Workout Limits:

     Lindsay McMahon [09:39]: "Probably five workouts in a week feels good."

   • Television Consumption:

     Michelle Kaplan [09:50]: "I can only watch three TV shows in an evening."

These examples demonstrate the versatility of the phrase in expressing boundaries across different aspects of life.

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Role-Playing Scenarios

To solidify understanding, Lindsay and Michelle engage in role-playing exercises illustrating the use of "only so much" in conversations.

1. Work Scenario:

   • Lindsay: "My boss just wants me to constantly answer her calls, Michelle. I can only talk on the phone so much in one day."
   • Michelle: "I can understand that."

2. Social Scenario:

   • Michelle: "What? There's only so much ice cream I can eat in one sitting before I start to feel sick."
   • Lindsay: "It's true. Do you ever get the waffle cones?"

These role-plays highlight practical applications, making it easier for listeners to incorporate the phrase into their dialogues.

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The Importance of Communicating Boundaries

Towards the end, Lindsay underscores the significance of setting and communicating boundaries for fostering genuine connections.

Lindsay McMahon [20:49]: "There are personality types. Some want to fix things, and you might take on responsibility for fixing someone else. This is something that I feel like someone might say, 'I've tried to help this person, but there's only so much I can do.'"

Michelle echoes the sentiment, emphasizing honesty and resilience in expressing one's limits.

Michelle Kaplan [15:54]: "You're acknowledging what you've put forth already and you're saying you're kind of setting up a boundary."

Lindsay concludes by reinforcing that clear communication of boundaries leads to better respect and deeper connections.

Lindsay McMahon [21:24]: "The more you communicate your boundaries, as long as your boundaries are realistic, of course, the more people will respect you and connect with you. Right. That's huge."

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Conclusion

Episode 2433 of the All Ears English Podcast offers invaluable insights into expressing personal limits through the phrase "only so much." By providing clear structures, relatable examples, and engaging role-plays, Lindsay and Michelle equip listeners with the tools to communicate boundaries effectively in both personal and professional settings. This episode not only enhances language proficiency but also fosters healthier interpersonal relationships by promoting honesty and self-respect.

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Additional Resources

Listeners interested in further exploring related topics might consider tuning into Episode 2434 titled "You Strike Me as Someone Who Will Love This Episode," as recommended by Michelle Kaplan.

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Connect with All Ears English

To continue your journey towards fluent and confident English, subscribe to the All Ears English Podcast and engage with a community that values connection over perfection. Test your English level with their 2-minute quiz and stay updated with insightful episodes and resources.

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This summary is crafted based on the transcript of Episode 2433: Communicate Your Boundaries in English from the All Ears English Podcast.

Transcript

[Lindsay McMahon]

This is an All Ears English podcast. Episode 2433 Communicate your boundaries in English welcome to the All Ears English podcast. Downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl. Coming to you from Colorado and New York City, usa. To get real time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the Allears English app for iOS and Android. Start your seven day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward/app.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Do you ever feel that you have done so much and you can't do anything more? Whether it's at work or in your personal life Today, get a key phrase to communicate your boundaries in English for more connection.

[Unknown]

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[Lindsay McMahon]

Hey Michelle, what's shaking?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Hey Lindsay. Not too much. How are you?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Good, good. What are we chatting about today on the show?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Well, Lindsay, how many episodes do you think is the most you could record in one day before you get tired?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh my gosh, Michelle. I mean, we can only record so many episodes in a day. I remember when I was getting ready to go on my two month road trip around the U S to build the connected communicator course. I think we probably sat down and recorded like what do you think? Like maybe 12 episodes.

[Michelle Kaplan]

That's what I was. That's exactly the number I had in my head. That's what I think it was. Also. I know, you know, when I was pregnant and planning for being away, so we would always do. Sometimes we have these marathons right when.

[Lindsay McMahon]

We'Re planning for something and you gotta like order pizza and settle in. You know, it's like but there's only so. But you do hit a point where you do get a little tired for sure. So on. On a Regular basis. There's only so many we can do, Michelle. Maybe it's like six, you know.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So today we are talking about this because we have a great listener question about how use only so much. And this is from YouTube from. It says, from Krishna. So, yeah, Krishna says, hi there, I'm Krishna. Could you make an episode of. On the phrase only so much used to imply limitation and maybe impossibility, as in the sentence, I can only do so much in a day. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your great work.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Thank you. Wonderful. Such a good question, Krishna, and we appreciate you as a listener.

[Michelle Kaplan]

All right, thank you so much. And we also want to thank other listeners today who have reviewed us on the iOS app.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, guys, if you leave a review anywhere for the Apple Podcast store, the Spotify iOS app, Google app, we will read your name out loud on the show. So I'm going to say thank you to Akbar from Saudi Arabia, Kamal from Canada, Raje Firat back from. Who gave us five stars. Not sure where that person's from. Mehran Imami from Australia. Huge thank you to all of you for leaving those reviews. And guys, leave us a review wherever you listen to the show. All right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, please do. Thank you so much. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, let's get into it.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Let's get into it. So again, as Krishna said, yeah, this is about limits. It can't be done or. Or it can't go on forever. Right. It's generally used when you have done a lot of something and you kind of need a break. Right. Whether it's about one day in particular or something that goes on for a period of time.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. It's about energy limitations, right? Yeah. You can only do so much of something until you need to do something different. Just. Just break. Break the pattern, Right? Yes. So what's the structure here? Let's give our str. The structure to our listeners so they can use this.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right? So it's I can only much in a Y. So I can only verb so much. And then if you're going to add on so you don't have to, you can always. Oh, you can always say, I can only record so much. Right. Sometimes we just leave out the length of time. But it would be I can only verb so much in a length of time in a day here. Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Whatever it is. So the example that Krishna used in the. In the question is very common, right, Michelle? So I can only do so much in a day. This means that you can't do any more. You've done everything you can. You usually say this when you've really worked hard, in a sense you've exerted yourself and you are done. You need to put your feet up, relax, have some dinner. What is that expression? We overestimate what we can get done in a day or a week, but we underestimate what we can get done in a year. Right. So usually, you know, every day this happens to me, I get to work and I think, okay, I have this long list of things, I'm sure I can get these done. Yeah, I can get all five of these huge things done. And then the end of the day goes by, comes and I've done like one and a half of the things. I way underestimated how much I could do in a day. But when I have these strong goals at the end of a quarter or a year, I look back and think, look at what we've done. We've done so much, you know.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Interesting. Yeah, that's an interesting way of looking at it. I mean, so I guess it's just having that knowledge, you know, having that self awareness of what are your actual limits. And also sometimes if we just say I can only do so much in day, it's kind of just, it's giving yourself that grace. It's giving yourself, you know, I, I can only do so much. Right, you're giving yourself a little bit of kindness, I think.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I totally agree. That is such a key piece of this phrase. We did an episode a long time ago called Give yourself some grace. You remember that one? Yeah, yeah, right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

You, you're, you're acknowledging what you've put forth already and you're saying you're kind of setting up a boundary actually.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, exactly. Now would this apply to other things like what we can consume? Maybe. What do you think, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, definitely. So let's do some other examples. So again, we're just going to put in that verb and we're gonna put in a length of time. So I can only drink so much coffee in a day or I get jittery?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, this is probably true for most people. Most people will hit a caffeine limit at some point. Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

And when that caffeine, when, when you get over that hump, you feel terrible?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Like you mean after you get jittery like on the way down?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, kind of. Well, the jittery feeling and then. Yeah, no, I don't like the super jittery feeling. I feel like then I need to drink a lot of water or something and just.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, it feels a Little out of control, Right? It's weird. Yeah. I try not to get that.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I don't get to that point very often. But every once in a while, if it happens, right, I'm at maybe a brunch and you have unlimited coffee, then you're like, oh my gosh, I overdid it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Right. Or we could say I can only talk on the phone so much in one day. Maybe you have a job that requires you to be on the phone, right. And you feel maxed out. The last thing you want to do is get on the phone with a friend at the end of the day after work.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. Or that happens also with people on the computer, right. You're sitting, looking at the screen and then people, I've had friends say they don't even want to open a computer. They don't want to look at anything. Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

That's how I feel sometimes I really can't, you know, I can't do like meditation groups on online. I want to go in person because after work you're so tired of being online, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Or I can only travel for business so much in a month. Right. So maybe you're setting a boundary. Right? I, I, you know, I, I can't do any more. It's, I'm done.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Right. That's a big one. I know. Probably a lot of our listeners work in consulting, right? In consulting, global consulting. You're sent all over the country in the world. You know, you're in hotels, airport, food. That, that hit. You hit a limit real quick.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's true. And, and having that awareness is good. So, Lindsay, let's see, what is your limit on the following workouts in a week?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay. For me, probably five workouts in a week feels good. That's a good week, you know, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Michelle? TV shows in an evening.

[Michelle Kaplan]

TV shows in an evening.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes.

[Michelle Kaplan]

It really depends on what it is. Like, so now I'm watching the basketball playoffs. So you know that's a two and a half hour event, right? So I know, I know. That's the whole evening. But on when it's not sports, I would say three.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, three shows. Yeah. So yeah, three one hour shows. Would you say?

[Michelle Kaplan]

No, no, no, no, no, no. 3. Yeah, that's the thing. Do you ever, do you ever start a, like, want to watch a show and you see that all the episodes are an hour and you just are like, I'm not doing an hour. So that's like, yeah, there aren't that.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Many Half hour shows. The only one I know is ghost.

[Michelle Kaplan]

TV has gotten much more like movies. Right. It's gotten much longer.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. We used to do sitcoms, you know, the sitcoms that were probably a total of 20 minutes of actually TV.

[Michelle Kaplan]

TV.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And then it was commercials. But you're sitting down for half an hour. Right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. Do you have. I have a question. I'm just. This is nothing to do with anything, but I'm just curious. Do you have the TV on in the background a lot or are you more intentional? We're sitting down to turn it on and usually it's off.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I would say it's a bit more intentional. I, I did decide to quit cnn. So I, around the election, I had CNN kind of on, like sort of in the background in the evening. Not all, not all day. I hate TV during the day. I just don't like that idea. It's weird to me. But CNN was on a lot in. And then I just, I tortured myself and now I'm like, I can't do it. I just.

[Michelle Kaplan]

You hit a wall away.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I have to stay away.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, I, I, I, I'm the same way. I just, I had it on for a little bit last night. And just immediately you're like, oh, because they do.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's like the talking circles. I want to see investigative journalism. I don't want to see, frankly, I don't want to see podcasters on TV telling me their opinion about politics. Like, I don't care, you know, I want to know what did you, where did you go in the field? Who did true journalism? Did you do. You don't do that anymore as much.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's so sad. Yeah. So I'm, I'm quitting cnn.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. I'm with you. All right. One more thing, Lindsay. Restaurants in a week, how many can you. What, what's your limit?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, good question. Probably two. I mean. Yeah, two. Yeah, two. Maybe like a lunch and a dinner. Maybe like Friday night dinner, Sunday lunch or something. Because to it, it does. You do hit a limit, right, Michelle? And then you just get bored with eating out, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yeah. It should be special. It really, I think on the weekends, pretty much during the week we eat in the whole.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Right. Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

But on the weekends, definitely. You know, it's hard though, with the weather getting nicer because I think I start to want to eat out more because they're like, oh, it's a nice night. Let's go to town and walk around and.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Sure. Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

You know, so that's, that's where it gets tricky.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's a tough one, but you want it to stay special. I think the point here is, like, anything that you do too much loses its. Its specialness.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think that's a good point. Yeah. Let's talk about this more after the break.

[Lindsay McMahon]

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[Michelle Kaplan]

All right, so again, there doesn't have to be a time period, and it can also be elaborated on. So I just wanted to give some ideas of how that would look. So I can only eat so many cookies before my stomach starts to hurt. Again, you're not saying in a day and. Right. But, you know, it's kind of implied. Right?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. Or we can only worry so much before we give up. Yep.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Or he can only lift so much before his arms feel like jelly.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, gosh. You know what I say for this? I say the phrase max out. I've maxed out on X. Like, I've really maxed out on gym time this week. I'm just gonna go for a jog outside.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. That's good.

[Lindsay McMahon]

But I like that we're focusing in on one key phrase today. I love that. So this.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. And then in more general, like, sometimes you might hear people say, there's Only so much I can do. Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

More broad.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yeah. This one to me is more about feeling resigned or honest about your limits. Right. It's. It's good to tell people what's going on with you. There's only so much I can do.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. And it kind of comes back. There are personality types. Like, have you done the Enneagram before? No. Okay. So there are certain personality types. Like I'm a type 4, which is kind of like. I don't know what it is. It's people that feel like sometimes different or something. That's my type. But like there's a. I don't know if it's type 7 or 9. I don't know which one it is. But there's a personality that just wants to like, fix. Fix things. And like, you might take on responsibility for fixing someone else. And this is something that I feel like someone might say. I've tried to help this person, but there's only so much I can do.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Interesting.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You know?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Exactly. All right. Couple of role plays and then we'll start to head out for the day.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, here we go.

[Michelle Kaplan]

You are complaining to me about your job.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, here we go. There we go. My boss just wants me to constantly answer her calls, Michelle. Wow. Yeah. I can only talk on the phone so much in one day.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I can understand that.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. So you're maxed out again. You are hitting a limit, hitting your wall.

[Michelle Kaplan]

You know, we can do a whole episode about just follow ups. I mean, I mean, other ways to say this, but I really just wanted. Yeah, this is such a dynamic expression. I just wanted to focus on it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And it conveys so much. It really conveys maybe a sense of burnout. You've tried to do a lot of this thing, but you're hitting that limit. So again, I said. I said my boss wants me to answer calls constantly. And you said, wow. And I said, yeah, I can only talk on the phone so much in a day. Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. Now. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

A job where you're just on calls all day long. Like a sales position, maybe.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yeah. Hope you would have a good headset.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Or one more. Here we go. We are at an ice cream shop. We are not at work.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I love that. That is much better. Michelle, let's go get ice cream. Ok. Get a whole bunch of flavors to try.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Okay. Lindsay. But not too, too much.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, come on.

[Michelle Kaplan]

What? There's only so much ice cream I can eat in one sitting before I start to feel sick.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, fine, Fine. I'll have to challenge you on that and see if that's true on my end. I don't know. How many.

[Michelle Kaplan]

How many do you usually get? One scoop, two scoop. What do you do?

[Lindsay McMahon]

I actually do. I do. I do kid. Kid. Kids, cones. I do, like, a kitty cone, and I do the. The sugar cone. So it's like a small scoop. Usually in most places, that's a small scoop, which is big, which is already a lot of ice cream.

[Michelle Kaplan]

They're all. I know. It's also huge. I don't know why I'm imagining you because I'm imagining you with your cute little kitty cone, like, you know, when they would have, like, Joe Biden going out to get ice.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. Oh, thank you. Wow.

[Michelle Kaplan]

No, not that you're Joe Biden, but.

[Lindsay McMahon]

No, that's a compliment. He's a good guy. Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

So I'm just imagining. Not. Not. But in the way of, like. Oh, you're just like. Because I know you like ice cream so much.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, I like it because it's like if you know, you love something and you just consume it in small amounts and then you don't get tired of it or it still stays special.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's like this fine art, you know? Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

But you hear. You're trying to, like, you're just trying to get me to have way too much ice cream, Lindsay. And I said, there's only so much ice cream I can eat in one sitting before I start to feel all sick.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's true. Do you ever get the waffle cones? Have you ever gotten a waffle cone in your life?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I think my kids got a waffle cone last week. Wait, you're. You're peanut butter, right?

[Lindsay McMahon]

That's your flavor, Peanut butter? No, chocolate. Well, if I can find chocolate and peanut butter. But these days, honestly, I feel like I just went for ice cream on Sunday. It's hard to find chocolate flavors. A lot of stuff is based on vanilla, like a vanilla base, because you can do more with vanilla in terms of flav adding flavors to it, you know, so.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. And my son is just the same way now because I'm the. Like, I'm like. Like, I don't really see a point to vanilla, but. But we were at my parents, and they had these little cones, and it had, like, a chocolate outer shell, but inside was vanilla. So once he realized that vanilla was what was inside.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Disappointing.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. It was like, oh, I don't like vanilla.

[Lindsay McMahon]

That's a huge disappointment.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I'm with. I'm with you. On that one. Both of you. Yep. Big disappointment. But some people really like vanilla. I sure a lot of our listeners do. It's. It's interesting. So.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Sounds like a good poll question.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Right? We all have our unique taste and we'll find out in the poll which flavor is better.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. All right, so I'm actually gonna switch which episode that I think that we, our listeners, should check out today. We're gonna go to episode 24. 24. You Strike Me as someone who will love this episode. So good one to check out.

[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, where should we leave our listeners today? This is a very important thing to be able to communicate that you have hit a wall.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, you've hit a wall. You've hit it. You have a boundary. Right. So, yeah, this can be helpful from anywhere from business to ice cream. It's just very, very common. So this listener, Krishna really touched on something very important. A very, very useful expressions. Maybe one of the more one of the most useful we've, you know, one episodes. Right. Talking about or this expression because you hear it everywhere and it's really good to use and also to understand others of when. Okay, maybe we need to back off.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. The thing that's kind of counterintuitive but actually does make sense about connection is the more you communicate your boundaries, as long as your boundaries are realistic, of course, the more people will respect you and connect with you. Right. That's huge. So really important skill for work and life and ice cream. Of course. Like you said, Michelle, communicating boundaries. And you now have the skills to do it. Guys, good stuff. All right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

All right. All right, Lindsay. Well, this was so much fun. Go get an ice cream and I will talk to you later.

[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, take care. Bye bye. Thanks for listening. To all ears. English. Would you like to know your English level? Take a our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com fluencyscore and if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.

[Unknown]

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