AEE 2522: What to Say When You Lose Your Train of Thought

Summary

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Podcast Summary: All Ears English Ep. 2522

"What to Say When You Lose Your Train of Thought"

Hosts: Lindsay McMahon & Aubrey Carter
Date: December 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Lindsay and Aubrey dive into the everyday human experience of losing your train of thought during conversation. They focus on actionable strategies and natural, idiomatic American English you can use to smoothly handle these moments, maintain connection, and even help others recover when it happens to them. The episode is filled with practical phrases, role plays, nuanced tips for cultural communication, and a warm, collaborative tone aimed at empowering ESL learners in real conversations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding "Losing Your Train of Thought"

• Definition:
  • Aubrey explains, “This chunk of 'lose your train of thought' is kind of idiomatic. It means to forget what you were saying or thinking, usually because you were distracted or maybe interrupted.” (03:40)
• Personal Experiences:
  • The hosts share relatable moments, from forgetting why you opened the fridge to being distracted by busy family life.
  • “Open the fridge and forget why you went there—things like that.” (03:08, Aubrey)
• Cultural Note:
  • “We don’t like silence in American culture.” (04:54, Aubrey)
  • Americans tend to avoid awkward pauses and often use specific phrases to keep conversations flowing.

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2. The Importance of Connection

• Connection, Not Perfection:
  • Even moments of forgetfulness are opportunities to build connection instead of causing embarrassment or awkwardness.
  • “It doesn’t have to be this big, embarrassing moment where you break the connection, right? You could maintain the connection in this moment.” (05:12, Lindsay)
• Actively Supporting Each Other:
  • Conversations are collaborative, not performances. Both the speaker and listener can help each other keep momentum.

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3. Essential Phrases to Use When You Lose Your Train of Thought

Main Pro Tip:

• Say something immediately to prompt the other person’s help and jog your memory. (04:19, Aubrey)

a. “What was I saying?”

• When to Use: In the midst of a conversation, if you’re talking and forget your point.
• Example:
  • Aubrey: “What was I saying?” (05:49)
  • Lindsay (helping): “You were talking about the food at the rooftop place. Small plates.” (07:29)
• Natural Delivery: Add fillers like “wait” for a more authentic tone—“Wait, what was I saying?” (08:47, Lindsay)

b. “Where was I?”

• When to Use: Typically when telling a story and you lose your spot.
• Role Play Example:
  • Aubrey: “Where was I?” (10:37)
  • Lindsay: “You were saying your boss looked annoyed when you walked into the meeting.” (10:40)
• Nuance:
  • “Where was I? is more commonly used when you’ve gone into a whole story … where exactly was I in my story?” (11:12, Lindsay)

c. “Never mind, it’ll come back to me.”

• When to Use: If you and the other person can’t remember, or to move on gracefully.
• Role Play Example:
  • Aubrey: “Oh, never mind. It’ll come back to me.” (14:41)
  • Shows self-awareness and keeps the conversation moving without awkwardness.

d. “It must not have been that important.”

• When to Use: As a light, self-deprecating joke if you forget and want to move forward.
  • “If it doesn’t help me immediately remember, I just say, ‘Oh, must not have been important.’ And then I just change the subject.” (06:19, Aubrey)

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4. How Listeners Can Help

• Collaboration Is Key:
  • Lindsay highlights, “We’re not on stage when we’re in a conversation. … We’re in collaboration.” (09:27)
• Give As Much Detail as Possible:
  • Help your friend by providing context or reminding them of the conversation thread: “You gave as much info as you could to get me back on track.” (09:14, Aubrey)

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5. Handling Awkward Moments

• Rescuing Each Other:
  • “If we care about the connection, we don’t want them to feel awkward. We want to avoid those awkward pauses.” (15:40, Aubrey)
• Empathy:
  • The hosts note that both people may forget, and that’s normal—what matters is how they support each other to keep things comfortable.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We don’t like silence in American culture.” (04:54, Aubrey Carter)
• “We’re not on stage when we’re in conversation. We’re in collaboration.” (09:27, Lindsay McMahon)
• “It must not have been that important.” (06:19, Aubrey Carter—offered as a light-hearted way to move on)
• “Never mind, it’ll come back to me.” (14:41, Aubrey Carter—another easygoing phrase)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:40: Explanation of “lose your train of thought”
• 04:54: American cultural aversion to silence
• 05:49: Phrase one: “What was I saying?” (Role play begins)
• 08:47: Natural delivery tips for making these phrases sound authentic
• 10:11: Phrase two: “Where was I?” (Role play begins)
• 13:58: “Never mind, it’ll come back to me” and rescuing yourself or others
• 15:29: Empathy and the role of social rescue in conversation
• 17:42: Core takeaway: These small moments are crucial for building connection

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Additional Resources Suggested

• Previous episode: “Grammar mistake or false start?” — Focuses on authentic spoken grammar and natural interruption in speech. (16:05)
• Get episode transcripts for further study via the All Ears English website. (16:54)

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Final Takeaways

• Losing your train of thought is human and happens to everyone—even in your native language.
• Respond with a phrase rather than silence to keep the conversation warm and connected.
• Support your discussion partner to “jog their memory”—connection is more important than perfect recall.
• Use the recommended phrases to smoothly navigate these moments and avoid awkwardness:
  • “What was I saying?”
  • “Where was I?”
  • “Never mind, it’ll come back to me.”
  • “It must not have been that important.”
• The episode closes with a reminder that these small conversational habits are essential for real connection in English.

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Transcript

[Aubrey Carter]

This is the Ahlers English podcast episode 2522 what to say when you lose your train of thought.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz and Lindsey McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, usa.

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And to get your transcripts delivered by.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Email every week, go to allearsenglish.com subscribe. One of the natural things that happens in everyday conversation is that we lose.

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Our train of thought today. Find out what to say in English.

[Lindsey McMahon]

When this happens to you and how.

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To help the other person if it.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Happens to them to maintain a great connection.

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[Lindsey McMahon]

Hey Aubry, how are you doing today? How's it going?

[Aubrey Carter]

I'm great. How are you Lindsay?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Good, good. I'm excited to be back for another great week of all ears English. But I'm curious about something.

[Aubrey Carter]

All right, let's hear it.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

So do you tend to lose your.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Train of thought often? Does this happen to you? Yes, yeah, more and more. Oh no, that's right.

[Aubrey Carter]

I always forget what I was saying or you know, you leave a room, go into another room and wait, what was I talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Open the fridge and forget why you went there. Things like that.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes, absolutely. Right. The older I get, the more.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

And, you know, you've got a lot going on. We've got kids running around everywhere. You're busy. So. Yeah, I don't remember this is happening to me as much when I was young.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Right. I know. Life is just simpler when we're young. Right. Then it just gets complicated. So it's a totally normal thing. And so what are we getting into today?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Aubrey?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

This episode was inspired by a student who's asking what to say when you can't remember what you were saying. When you lose your train of thought.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Right.

[Aubrey Carter]

We want to avoid just a pause or silence. So this chunk of lose your train of thought is kind of idiomatic. It means to forget what you were saying or thinking, usually because you were distracted or maybe interrupted.

[Lindsey McMahon]

I love it. And the last couple of days, we've been doing some really human English episodes. Very authentic English that we're highlighting here that I'm surprised we haven't taught yet. Right. So it's coming out now. So, guys, at the end of the episode, we'll give you another great episode to check out. That would give you another. Just very real insight into real English, Aubrey.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes, absolutely. Stay to the end. You don't miss that.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

But the. The biggest pro tip right off the top here is it's really important that you say something right away that prompts whoever you were talking to to share something that will jog your memory. Right. What does that mean, jog your memory? Lindsay? That's an idiom, too.

[Lindsey McMahon]

To get it going again.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Like put it back in place. Like get it back on track in a way.

[Aubrey Carter]

Exactly. To help you remember something like, oh, that. Or that jogs my memory. That helps me remember.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yep. And I agree. Avoid the pause we don't like. And this might be an American culture piece of advice, but we don't like pauses.

[Aubrey Carter]

We don't like silence in American culture. Exactly. So usually someone from the States will just say one of the things we're going to teach today, we're going to teach three phrases that are perfect for you to say and then to give the other person that in to just remind you what you were talking about.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. So inevitably, this is going to happen. It's a very human thing. I'm sure it happens to our listeners in their native languages. So today you're going to know exactly what to do in English because it doesn't have to be this big, embarrassing moment where you break the connection, Right? You could maintain the connection in this moment.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes, exactly. And be sure to hit follow. Guys, we have so many amazing episodes every week. If you're not following, you might miss some of them. So wherever you listen to podcasts, search allers English and be sure to hit follow.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Exactly. All right, Aubrey, I think our listeners.

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Are ready for what the heck do.

[Lindsey McMahon]

We say when this happens? Inevitably it will happen. What do we say?

[Aubrey Carter]

What are some things? Yeah, so the first one, this is what I say most often is just, what was I saying? So if I'm talking and I lose my train of thought, I'm talking to someone. Whether I'm on the phone or talking to someone else, I'll just say, what was I saying? And almost always they're going to just say, oh, you were talking about your dog, right?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

And it'll help me remember what I was saying, and I'll pick it right back up.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, sometimes it helps. Sometimes I still can't remember what I was like, what about my dog? I can't remember what I still can't remember. But this is what we say, right?

[Aubrey Carter]

And that's a good point. And I don't know. I don't think we're covering that. So let's share what I say when that happens. If it doesn't help me immediately remember, I just say, oh, must not have been important. And then I just change the subject and we'll talk about something else. All right, so you're going to do.

[Lindsey McMahon]

That in the role play then. Perfect.

[Aubrey Carter]

No, I'm saying, like, you. You help me remember that sometimes that does happen, that we don't, you know, that doesn't help us remember. Yes, And I'll use kind of a joke. You can be like, that must not have been important then. And you'll just change because you don't want to have, like, a long pause or hesitation where you're trying to think of it and, oh, just give me minute. I'll think of it. No, right? Or not.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, it'll come up later. We're moving on. You need to keep the momentum of the conversation going.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

That is the goal.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Because again, it's connection, so.

[Aubrey Carter]

Exactly. So we have a mini role play of how it could work if you do remember.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Okay.

[Aubrey Carter]

Fun.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. Here we go. All right.

[Aubrey Carter]

Okay, we're friends here talking about weekend plans. I'll start us out.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Okay.

[Aubrey Carter]

So I was thinking we could try that new rooftop place downtown. They have live music on Saturdays.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Oh, that sounds Fun.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Do they serve food, too?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes, small plates, I think. And wait, what was I saying?

[Lindsey McMahon]

You were talking about the food at the rooftop place. Small plates.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right. And they have tapas and amazing cocktails. We should totally check it out.

[Lindsey McMahon]

All right, so that was a nice smooth loop there. You picked it back up and. And we just continued the conversation.

[Aubrey Carter]

And this is most often how it will happen. Right. And I love it's. This really is such a connection moment. Because some people might hesitate to say, like, what was I? In case. That's almost a test to see if the other person was listening. At least in the States, that's fine. It's not a big deal. If they're like, if they don't remember, then I also would be like, ah, must not have been important.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, and sometimes that happens, too. I mean, even if someone's paying attention, both of you might actually forget.

[Aubrey Carter]

Like, wait, what was it? Because usually this most often happens because there's some kind of interruption or distraction. And then maybe a little time goes by. Maybe you're helping a child or a pet, and then by the time you're like, what was I talking about? You might both have forgotten.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Or maybe there's a really loud fire engine that drives by and it forces you to stop talking entirely. Right. A lot of things could happen. I love the delivery here, how natural it was. I said, do they serve food, too? You said, yeah, small plates, I think. And wait, what was I saying? Right, so you start with wait. Right? Wait, what was I saying? So that's really good.

[Aubrey Carter]

That's true. Because it would be a little more abrupt if I'm like, yeah, small plates. Pause. What was I saying? We do kind of usually have those little filler words to sort of transition into it.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Really good stuff. And the way I. This is also a secondary thing for.

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Our listeners to learn.

[Lindsey McMahon]

It is collaborative here. Because the way I responded with the answer wasn't small plates. I said small plates. I kind of set it in a question format. Like, as in.

[Aubrey Carter]

And you gave as much info as you could to get me back on track. You're like, oh, you were talking about the food at a root at the rooftop place. Small plates. Right. It's true. You're trying to help me pick up the thread of the conversation. So you're going to give me as many details as you can.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, it's really a collaboration. So we kind of need to flip our minds and think we're not on stage when we're in conversation. This is probably the takeaway. Coming early, we're not on stage when we're in a conversation. We're in collaboration, Aubrey. Don't you think?

[Aubrey Carter]

Exact. I agree. Absolutely right.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

And because if you were on stage, you might just be staring blankly trying to think of your next line. Luckily, when you're just having a conversation, that's not the case. You can work together to try and remember where you were.

[Lindsey McMahon]

I always wonder if that happens to actors. I mean, nightmare scenario. You can't, obviously. You can't go to the audience and ask, what's my next line?

[Aubrey Carter]

Right line. Nope. It probably does happen. Hopefully not very often. It does.

[Lindsey McMahon]

All right. So that's not the only thing we could say, though. What else could we say? There was other things.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes. Your second option is to say, where was I? So we'll do another little role play here. You and I are co workers here, and I'm telling you about something that happened at work. So I'll start us out. Ready?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Okay.

[Aubrey Carter]

So anyway, I walked into the meeting late because the elevator stopped on every single floor. I finally get in, and guess what? My boss is already looking annoyed. And then, oh, I just spilled my coffee.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Oh, here's some napkins.

[Aubrey Carter]

Thank you. Oh, sorry about that. Where was I?

[Lindsey McMahon]

You were saying your boss looked annoyed when he walked into the meeting.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right. So I walk in and then he asks me to present without any warning. Yeah. So this is that kind of distraction. If you spill coffee, takes a little while to clean it up. That might happen that you. That's impressive that you remembered here. But you might say, oh, I don't remember. What were you talking about exactly? You could say, must not have been important.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right.

Where.

[Lindsey McMahon]

And I feel like where was I? Is more commonly used when you've gone into a whole story. You know you're going into a story here, right?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, good point. Because what was I talking about Is more like, what was the topic in the first place? Whereas if you're in the middle of a story, then we'll be like, where was I?

[Lindsey McMahon]

That would be kind of weird.

[Aubrey Carter]

In my story, was I?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, it'd be weird if you kind of forgot the whole story.

[Aubrey Carter]

What are you talking about? When you've been telling a whole story?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where was I? Is more like, exactly, where exactly was I in my story?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

So it is slightly different.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Right?

[Aubrey Carter]

Exactly.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Really good. Okay. All right.

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[Lindsey McMahon]

Indeed. Okay, Aubry, we are back from break. We do have a few other things to tell our listeners. What do we need to.

[Aubrey Carter]

Know? Yeah, so we want to share sort of like what we started talking about there. These do also highlight the importance of listening. Right. You never know when someone will lose their train of thought and you'll need to remind them what they said last. So if you're never listening, whether you're just thinking of what you want to say next, you can sort of get caught out here. Right. But you do also need that strategy in case, you know, they don't remember either what you say or they say doesn't jog your memory. So we did, we had the one example that I said, which was it must not have been that important. But we have another one we can say. What else could we say.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Lindsay? You could say, never mind, it'll come back to me.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right? The one is kind of self deprecating. Must not have been that important. Whatever I was talking about, this is a little less self.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Deprecating. This is good. This is good. So in this role play, we are friends and we used to be roommates. Maybe college roommates or something.

[Aubrey Carter]

Okay. Yes. All right, so I'll start us out. So I was telling you about how I ran into Mr. Lawson at the grocery store. He was our neighbor when we lived on Juniper. Do you remember.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Him? Vaguely. Didn't he always wear that bow.

[Aubrey Carter]

Tie? Yes, that's him. Anyway, he started telling me about. Sorry. I started thinking about those other neighbors we had when we lived there. Where was I? Something about, oh, never mind. It'll come back to me. Can you believe it's been 15 years since we.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Moved? Yeah. Nice. So I obviously didn't remember either, Right. I didn't really know either I wasn't listening or I just couldn't remember exactly what you were saying.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right? Yeah. And this is such a connection moment to give someone that out to not, you know. And I could think of all the things I could say. You'd be like, weren't you.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Listening?

[Aubrey Carter]

I. Don't you remember what I was.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Saying? Are you not.

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[Lindsey McMahon]

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[Aubrey Carter]

Snippety. Are we even.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Friends? Right. It's been 15 years, but should I question.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Everything?

[Aubrey Carter]

Right. Exactly. But instead we save the other person. Right. If there you. There was even a hazard I didn't even give you very long. You're like, oh, it was something about. And I'm just gonna jump in with, oh, never mind. It'll come back to me.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. I think this is really a hallmark of connection and communication. The human with our mirror neurons, as human beings, we don't want that other person to feel that way. Right. It's natural. We want to rescue them, in a sense.

[Aubrey Carter]

So. Exactly. If we care about the connection, we don't want them to feel awkward. We don't want to emphasize that we do want to rescue. We want to avoid those awkward pauses. And these phrases are perfect for what you can say when you lose your train of thought, and also what you can say if the other person doesn't remember.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes. 100. So, Aubry, what is that other very human, real English episode that our listeners could check out that we just did over the.

[Aubrey Carter]

Weekend? Yes. Scroll up if you missed it. It was called grammar mistake or false start. We do this all the time on the podcast, where we start, you know, the sentence a certain way, and then we're rephrasing, we're changing, we're interrupting ourselves. And then the grammar changes because now our sentence is.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Different. It was such a cool episode. So a student wrote in asking a question about a grammar structure that to him, if you take it at face value, it made no sense. It was totally impossible to say that. But when we looked at it, we realized that Michelle had just done a fault false start. It wasn't just like really bad.

[Aubrey Carter]

Grammar. Exactly. It happens all the time. And when we're doing the transcripts, we usually try to have the three dots ellipsis or maybe a dash to, to indicate that they interrupted themselves, changed what they were saying and so the grammar would.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Change. Yeah, guys, get the transcripts. Go to allersenglish.com subscribe to, get them delivered by email or get the app to make sure you get that live in real time as you are consuming the episode. You would read the transcripts there if you become a premium member. You're right, Aubrey. I mean you see the transcripts week. It happens all the.

[Aubrey Carter]

Time. All the.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Time.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Lindsey McMahon]

Show. That's the cool benefit of having two co hosts on Allers.

[Aubrey Carter]

English. Yeah, and it happens a lot. If, if, if a podcast is scripted, this is going to happen less. But if it's actually the way natives speak unscripted, this happens.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Constantly. Exactly. I love it. And guys, don't forget we do publish episodes on Saturdays. So check out our sassy Saturday episodes. Make sure you remember to tune into Allers English when you are out walking your dog or whatever you're doing on.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Saturdays. Aubry, what's our final takeaway for.

[Aubrey Carter]

Today? Yeah, I love this. It's such a connection skill. That key moment when you can save the connection by saving someone awkwardness or if they lose their train of thought. Right. Be listening so that you can bail them out. You can just quickly share what they were talking about and get them back on.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Track. Yeah, and that's good. That just feels good for the heart, good for the mind, good for connection, for relationships and things like.

[Aubrey Carter]

That.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Absolutely. All right, good stuff today, Aubry. We'll see you back here on the show very.

[Aubrey Carter]

Soon. All right, awesome. See you next.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Time. Bye bye. Thanks for listening to all ears. English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz, go to allearsenglish.com forward/fluencyscore. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next.

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