AEE 2532: Four Ways to Apologize in English

Summary

All Ears English Podcast

Episode 2532: Four Ways to Apologize in English

Hosts: Lindsay McMahon & Michelle Kaplan
Date: December 17, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on the art of apologizing in English, especially for more significant relationship-based offenses. Hosts Lindsay and Michelle break down four key ways to make a sincere apology, emphasize the importance of specificity and authenticity, and provide practical dialogue examples. The conversation is aimed at helping advanced ESL learners master not just language, but also the cultural nuances of apologies in the U.S.—all in the podcast’s trademark friendly, upbeat style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Importance of Apologizing for Relationship "Rescue"

• Connection Over Perfection: Apologizing is critical both at work and in personal life as a path to maintaining or repairing relationships.

  “It’s a major connection skill, whether it’s in the business world or in our social lives.” —Lindsay [04:23]

• The episode is part of a three-part series on apologies, highlighting their universal value.

Four Authentic Ways to Apologize

1. “I wanted to apologize for...”

• When/How to Use: A neutral, common phrase, mature for situations when you need to acknowledge something that’s been weighing on you.
• Explanation: Using "wanted" (past tense) adds emotional distance and suggests self-reflection.

  "It kind of adds a nature of genuineness to your apology, I think." —Lindsay [06:51]

• Example:
  “I wanted to apologize for the note I left you. I didn’t mean for it to sound passive-aggressive, but it definitely was. I’m so sorry.” [07:41]
• Variation: You can use “I want to apologize for…” (a bit more formal).

2. “I know you’re probably still upset about...”

• When/How to Use: Pairs recognition of the other’s feelings with a direct apology.
• Benefit: Shows empathy and awareness.
• Example:
  “I know you’re still probably upset about my forgetfulness with the party. I just wanted to let you know I’m so sorry, and I feel really awful about it.” —Michelle [07:22]

3. “I take full responsibility for...”

• When/How to Use: For times when you accept blame directly and need to emphasize accountability.
• Explanation: This phrase may not directly include “I’m sorry,” but is still an unequivocal apology.

  “You did something completely wrong, right?” —Michelle [09:52]

• Example:
  “I take full responsibility for my behavior yesterday. I should not have lost my cool.” [09:52]
• Pro Tip: You don't always need to use “I’m sorry” if the responsibility is clear.

4. “I hope you can forgive me for...”

• When/How to Use: Invites reconciliation after a transgression.
• Example:
  “I hope you can forgive me for losing your book. I really am sorry.” —Lindsay [10:31]
• Advice: Some apologies can combine two or more formulas for emphasis, but avoid overdoing it (“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”).

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Apology "Don’ts": What to Avoid

Insincere Phrases

• “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
  Considered a “sneaky” non-apology that shifts blame back to the other person’s reaction.

  “That’s your problem... you’re not saying, I’m sorry I did that. Right? It’s a sneaky way to kind of apologize without apologizing.” —Lindsay [11:44] “People are wising up to that.” —Michelle [12:03]

• Advice: If you truly did something wrong, take ownership. If not, don’t apologize insincerely.

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Best Practices for Effective Apologies

• Be Specific:
  Don’t just say “I’m sorry.” Clearly state what you’re apologizing for.

  “If you’re not specific, it sounds like you’re hiding from it.” —Michelle [10:40]

• Be Direct & Genuine:
  Take responsibility, avoid passive language, and don’t make excuses.
• Timing Matters:
  Sometimes immediate apologies are best (for small issues), but larger offenses may require time for reflection.

  “You might need some time to cool off… you realize later, oh, that wasn’t my best moment.” —Michelle [14:21]

• Don’t Expect Immediate Forgiveness:
  An apology doesn’t always result in instant reconciliation, but it’s key to maintaining self-respect and integrity.

  “Sometimes you’re going to apologize and the person is still going to be upset... But we still have to apologize.” —Lindsay [18:46]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Just own up to it, right? That’s what we have to do in life.” —Lindsay [07:58]
• “The best thing for apologizing is to take responsibility, to be direct and to be genuine.” —Michelle [12:36]
• “The biggest way to make your apology seem that you don’t really mean it is to say ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’” —Michelle [11:30]
• “For little things, I think it’s good to apologize right away, but if it’s a bigger thing, I think taking some space and then coming back...” —Lindsay [15:01]
• “We need the language for all of it. English is for connection.” —Lindsay [20:03]

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Roleplay Scenarios (Apology Dialogues)

Forgetting to Invite a Friend

• Lindsay:
  “I wanted to talk to you. I’ve been feeling really awful for forgetting to invite you. It wasn’t intentional at all. I wanted to apologize for this mistake. I really hope you can forgive me.” [15:56]
• Michelle responds appreciatively, highlighting that such direct and sincere apologies help bridge hurt feelings.

Yelling When “Hangry”

• Michelle:
  “Hey, Lindsay, I hope you can forgive me for yelling at you the other day. It was completely uncalled for.” [18:00]
• Lindsay accepts, noting this kind of mistake doesn’t require a lengthy apology.

Breaking a Trust (Leaking a Secret)

• Lindsay:
  “Michelle, I take full responsibility for gossiping… it was wrong and I should never have done it. I know you’re probably still upset about it.”
• Michelle: “Yep, still upset.”
• Lindsay: “I know. I’m so sorry.” [18:36–19:34]
• This demonstrates that not all apologies are instantly effective, and the process can be uncomfortable.

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Key Timestamps

• 02:32: Intro discussion: Is it easy for you to apologize?
• 05:23: Focus of the episode: deeper, “real life” apologies.
• 06:08–07:41: First apology formula and variations.
• 09:39: “I take full responsibility for…”
• 10:31: “I hope you can forgive me for…”
• 11:30–12:36: What NOT to say in an apology.
• 13:06: What makes a great apology? Personal reflections.
• 14:21–15:26: Timing and genuine introspection in apologies.
• 15:41–20:14: Roleplay scenarios and takeaway lessons.

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Takeaways

• Apologizing is integral to connection and is a skill that can—and should—be learned and practiced.
• Learners should use specific, direct language, take responsibility, and only apologize when they truly feel responsible.
• Avoid vague or insincere formulations that displace blame.
• Sometimes, the person wronged needs time, but a sincere apology lays the foundation for trust and reconnection.
• Apologizing is uncomfortable but necessary; “it’s part of life” [19:41].

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For part 3 of this apology series and more business-focused scenarios, listen to the Business English podcast: episode 502, “It’s Water Under the Bridge: How to Accept an Apology at Work.”

Transcript

[Michelle Kaplan]

This is an All Ears English podcast. Episode 25324 Ways to Apologize in English.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, usa. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com subscribe apologizing when you've done something wrong is.

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A huge part of human connection.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Today we give you the skills to.

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Say you're sorry for something you've done and rescue the relationship in English.

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[Lindsay McMahon]

Hello Michelle. How's it going today?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Hi Lindsay. It's going well over here. How are you?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Good. I'm happy to be on the show. But I have a question for you. A little getting to know you question here. Michelle, is it easy for you to apologize when you're wrong?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Good question. Yeah, if I know I'm wrong, I will apologize if. If I I even the other day it was funny because I thought that I had like a tone with Dan and then I felt, and then like we were off doing our own separate things and I felt bad about it. And later I said I'm really sorry. I just wanted to tell you, I know that I sounded this way earlier and I I'm sorry. And he said I didn't even notice. So and I. And I also will apologize to my kids. Like that's one that, you know, if I, if I feel like I've yelled and they, you know, or, or something like that. So I would say I'm actually, I would say I'm pretty good at apologizing.

[Lindsay McMahon]

How about you, Michelle? Yeah, no, that's good. Yeah. I would say I generally do feel. Because if I don't apologize, if I know I've done something wrong.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Or even spoken with a certain. Certain tone, then I'll feel that sense of like, oh, it just doesn't feel good in my conscience, you know? So, yeah, I want to clear that conscience forward.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Michelle, what are we getting into today? Are we talking about apologizing today?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. So we are going to do part two of a series that we started over on the Business English podcast. So, guys, if you haven't yet listened to the Business English podcast, it is a really wonderful podcast as well. And we were talking about water under the bridge on that episode. So that was the first part. And then we're actually gonna have you have another episode dealing with apologies back on Business English. So definitely hit follow on that podcast as well as this podcast. So you don't miss any of these.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. And I'm not surprised that we're focusing in three different episodes across our network about apologizing because it's a major connection skill, Michelle, whether it's in the business world or in our social lives here on Allers English. Really important for connection.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Absolutely. So on that first episode, we talked about some ways to react to an apology.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

How to receive an apology. But we wanted to do the other end, the apology part. Yeah. And we've spoken about apologies before, but it's been a long time. So it's definitely time for a refresh because this is such an important topic.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, it's always, oh, I love a good refresh, Michelle. Love a good refresh. Guys, before we move into this any deeper, hit the follow button on your podcast player. Make sure you are following the show, not just listening to it. We want to have that come up.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

In your library of daily listening options.

[Lindsay McMahon]

So you make sure you don't miss a single episode of our show. All right, so hit the follow button. All right, so let's get into it, Michelle.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Let's go. All right, so today we're going to talk about more significant offenses, Right. Not something like accidentally going in front of someone in line. More relationship based, important apologies. Okay, so this is, this is a real stuff.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, this is real life here.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Exactly. So how do you do it? So there are certain components. There is the actual apology. Often there's some sort of hope for forgiveness, maybe an emphasis depending on how the offense, how bad the offense was. So there's, you know, it really, it really depends on what it was but we're going to go through and give you some examples here.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay. All right. So again, first one, I wanted to apologize for blank.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Now, this is pretty neutral.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's very common. It's interesting. It's curious that we're saying wanted in the past tense even though right now I want to apologize. Right. Why do we. Why do we do that? Of course, we could say I want to apologize for, too. Right, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. The wanted put some distance there. Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

So it's, you know, it's a little less direct. I would say.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's a little less direct. I would also say it implies that I've been thinking about this. Doing this apology.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Exactly.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

For a while.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I'm gonna say that too. Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Like, it kind of adds a nature of genuineness to your apology, I think.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right, Right. Because you wanted to. You've been wanting to in the past. Yeah. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

But you can totally say, I want to apologize for X. And that sound. It sounds a little more formal to me, but it's fine too.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Or if you don't want to. Actually, you know, you could also say, I know you're probably. You're still probably upset about blank. I'm so sorry.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. So explaining what it was. So I know you're still probably upset about my forgetfulness with the party. I just wanted to let you know I'm so sorry and I feel really awful about it. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And just to give a quick example for. I wanted to apologize for. I don't think we read this one, so. Or maybe you did. Did you read that?

[Michelle Kaplan]

I think we read it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, let's finish it here. I wanted to apologize for the note I left you. I didn't mean for it to sound passive aggressive, but it definitely was. I'm so sorry. Right. So just fill in the blank with your own issue. Whatever's going on in your life.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Nice.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Whatever you did wrong, you put it in the plan.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Just own up to it. Right. That's what we have to do in life.

[Michelle Kaplan]

There you go. Yeah.

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[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, Michelle. Moving on. There's other ways to do it. I take full responsibility for X. And I'm sorry. So this one's a little more direct, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, this one is a little bit more direct. It's. You did something completely wrong, right? Yeah. So, for example, I take full responsibility for my behavior yesterday. I should not have lost my cool. Now here you're not actually saying, I apologize, I'm sorry. Do you need to actually say the apology? I'm curious, what do you think? Or is this enough?

[Lindsay McMahon]

No, this is enough. This is apologizing. You know, it's just another way of doing it without using those exact words.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I take full response. This is. Yeah, I don't think you have to say that.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yeah. And what's another one?

[Lindsay McMahon]

I hope you can forgive me for X. So I hope you can forgive me for losing your book. I'm really sorry. Or I really am sorry.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Okay. Yeah. So as you can see, often there's an apology and then there's almost a second apology. Right. And this is only needed if it's really necessary. We don't want to go wild. Just, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And we've talked about that before as well. Yeah. The other thing is with apologizing, you should be specific. Right. So what are you sorry for? I mean, I'm thinking about my kids when we say, oh, like what are, what is it that you did that, you know, I think if you're not specific, it sounds like you're, you're. I don't know, you're hiding from it. You, you. It's. It's good to be specific, I think.

[Lindsay McMahon]

No, that's good. And I feel like that's really good to learn when you're young, too, to articulate what you did wrong, to go a little bit further. Right. Be direct, be genuine, be specific. I love it.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I love it. And then one of the biggest ways to make your apology seem that you don't really mean it is to say, I'm sorry you feel that way, or I'm sorry if you felt that way. Have you ever heard that, Lindsay?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. This is a tricky one because essentially what that's doing is it's saying, well, that's your problem. You reacted to what I did, and I'm sorry that you reacted that way. But you're not saying, I'm sorry I did that. Right. It's a sneaky way to kind of apologize without apologizing.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. And that's. And, and I think that people are, you know, wising up to that, you know, that. That saying, I'm sorry you feel that way or I'm sorry you felt that way. People, People know. Okay, this is kind of not exactly the apology I'm looking for. I mean, you know, it. It really depends on the situation. But definitely, if you, if you want to take ability, if you really do think you were wrong, don't say this. Yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Otherwise, don't even bother apologizing. Right. I mean. Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. What else, Michelle, do we need to know here?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Well, so again, the best thing I think, for apologizing is to take responsibility, to be direct and to be genuine. And also, we didn't give you the episode number for the one over on business English. Part one was. That's business English you can find at episode 502 and it was called It's Water under the Bridge how to accept an apology at Work. So really good one to couple with this one. And then the third one will be coming up also on Business English.

[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, good stuff. Michelle, do you have a qu. Any questions here we want to discuss real quick?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Sure. I mean, Lindsay, what kind of apologies do you think are the best? Have you ever gotten a really good apology where you could really tell that the person met really meant it?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, I think I have for sure. I mean, I think just the ones where someone is, you know, they care enough about the relationship and they're humble enough and also introspective and self. Self aware enough to look into what they've done. Especially when maybe it's not clear that I was hurt, but I was right. That's a really good apart. When someone has a really laser, laser focus on your own, on your Emotions, and they're really smart about that. That's the kind of apology I like.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you don't even really have to ask for it. Right. That person is able to read you or. Or just they've. They've thought about the offense they've committed, they realize it, and then they come to you, and that, you know, that does definitely feel like, oh, they've put some thought into it, and hopefully it won't happen again. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Michelle, do you think that it's important to apologize, like, right away, or is there a window of time where it's still valid, or is it just case by case for you?

[Michelle Kaplan]

I think it's case by case. I think. Yeah. It really depends. I think if it's something. I personally think if it's something larger that happened, you might need some time to cool off.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

And to think about it and think, how are you gonna apologize? Do you really feel like you want to apologize? Like, because in the beginning you might feel, oh, no, I didn't do anything wrong. And then you realize later on as you're thinking about it, you think, I don't. I don't really like that.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. That wasn't my best moment. But in the mo, it's very hard to see things in the moment, especially when something is heated or. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

No, totally. Yeah. It really depends on the situation. For little things, I think it's good to apologize right away, but if it's a bigger thing, I think taking some. Some space and then coming back and. And being more genuine and maybe having. Because we need that level of introspection into ourselves, of maybe why did we react the way we did. Right. And we might not know that right away because we have the adrenaline pumping and we see, you know, like breathing fire, you know?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right, right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yep.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. It's like a chemical reaction. You can't just be mad and. And apologize at the same time. I'm sorry. Right. It's not gonna.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

It doesn't work. It doesn't work.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. That's so true. So now we're gonna get into a little tiff.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I suppose. Because I am apologizing to you because you forgot to invite my friends to a dinner. Right. Is that what happened?

[Michelle Kaplan]

I forgot to invite you to a dinner with our friends?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, my gosh.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay. All right, well, here we go. Let's see if I. Let's see what we do here. All right. So, Michelle, I wanted to talk to you. I've been feeling really awful for forgetting to Invite you. It wasn't intentional at all. I wanted to apologize for this mistake. I really hope you can forgive me.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, thanks, Lindsay. I appreciate that. Yes.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, so what did I do here?

[Michelle Kaplan]

These are long. I mean, this is definitely long. But, you know, it is possible you would speak for this length of time, especially if I'm sitting there, you know, almost like I don't really want to talk to you. Maybe I'm not giving you great eye contact, whatever it may be. Right. So you said, I wanted to talk to you, which is. Again, we talked about that. Wanted. And what I like here is that you said, I've been feeling really awful. It wasn't intentional. So you're. You're saying that you're showing that you've been thinking about this and giving an explanation, and then you said, I wanted to apologize for this mistake, and you're asking for forgiveness. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It is a long one.

[Michelle Kaplan]

It is a long one.

[Lindsay McMahon]

So clearly, like, you must be very hurt. Right. Or there's a reason that I have to kind of go on and on. It wouldn't always look like this, but in some scenarios, it might. Yeah. As you said, Michelle, maybe you're not, like, making eye contact with me. You're still indicating that you're very upset, so I have to keep going on and on. A little painful.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, it's a little painful, but that's okay. Yeah. Now let's do a different one. So here I am apologizing to you for yelling at you when I was hangry.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, you got hangry, Michelle, just to remind our listeners what that means. It's a really fun combination word. What does it mean?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Hungry and angry. So it's when you're so hungry that you start snapping at people.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

I don't think every single person listening.

[Lindsay McMahon]

To this episode can identify with that at some point in life. Right, Exactly. It happens to the best of us.

[Michelle Kaplan]

It does. It does. All right, here we go. Hey, Lindsay, I hope you can forgive me for yelling at you the other day. It was completely uncalled for.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, okay. Thanks, Michelle. I forgive you. Yeah, so maybe that one is a little less grave.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Of a mistake. And. And so it's. It requires a little less of an apology.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right, right, right, right. Exactly. Should we do one more?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. So here I am apologizing to you for telling a secret that you asked me to keep to it from another friend. So I told another friend. And you wanted that secret to be kept between us. Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

All right, here we go.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Michelle. I take full responsibility for gossiping I. It was wrong and I should never have done it. I know you're probably still upset about it.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yep. Still upset.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I know. I'm so sorry. And the truth is sometimes you're going to apologize and the person is still going to be upset. They're not just gonna perk up and just change their mind entirely. But we have to still have to apologize and just assume that eventually the person will come around hopefully. Right, Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. And you know, at some point there's only so much we can do. Yeah, yeah, that does happen, unfortunately. But we do want to feel like, well, we put our best foot forward. We were genuine. We did. We did what we could. If we. Again, this is, if you really did something wrong, don't apologize for something you didn't do wrong.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, for sure. So here I said, Michelle, I take full responsibility for X for we the jaren there for doing something. What did I do? I gossiped. So for gossiping.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And I, I know you're probably still upset about it is what I said.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. I said, yep, still upset. And you said, I know. I'm so sorry. Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Tricky. Oh, man. You know, I guess for a takeaway for our listeners today, these are not the best moments in life, but it's part of life, isn't it, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, we have to be prepared. I mean, we try and prepare you for, you know, the happy moments, the sad moments, the angry moments because we need the language for all of it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yep. It's all about connection. Right. English is for connection. So this will give you another tool to make sure you maintain the connection or rescue the connection if something has gone wrong.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

So guys, don't forget the third part of this series is going to be over on business English. So make sure you open your search bar right now. Type in business English and hit follow. Right, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Definitely. All right, Lindsay, thanks for talking about this with me today. And yeah, very. It gives us all a lot to think about, I think.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes, for sure. All right, Michelle, you have a good day. Talk soon.

[Michelle Kaplan]

You too.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Bye.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Thanks for listening to Allears English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz, go to allearsenglish.com forward/fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.

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