A (3:21)

Yeah, so we're going to follow up today on something we discussed in a previous episode. Guys, check out episode 25. 25. That was. What are you saving up for? And on this episode, in. In one part of it, we were talking about taboo topics and how it may be uncomfortable to touch on certain things when you don't know if it's okay to bring it up. So we. We were saying that, you know, because we want our listeners to feel empowered, even in these moments with cultural differences, and we wanted to give you the tools where.

B (3:55)

Okay, what.

A (3:55)

What do you say if you're not sure if it's okay to talk about something? So that. That's where this episode idea came from. So, again, that's 25. 25. Head on over and listen to that one after you finish this one.

B (4:07)

Yeah, exactly. And I think we always need to keep connection in mind, and it's important to be. I mean, first of all, if you're already thinking that. If you're already thinking about cultural differences, you've. That's half the battle.

A (4:18)

Like, you've won the game already.

B (4:19)

That's.

A (4:20)

You're already sensitive to it.

B (4:22)

Yeah. You're already way ahead of many people, which is great. And there's nothing wrong with asking someone if it's okay to bring up a certain topic. If you're. If you aren't sure, I think it's better to do it. So that's what we want to give you those skills to do today, Right?

A (4:35)

Exactly. Yes. And I think we were talking about that episode, you know, three of the taboo topics, like money, sex, religion. I mean, certainly more. Yeah.

B (4:47)

At least those are taboos in our culture. Right?

A (4:49)

Exactly.

B (4:50)

Yep.

A (4:50)

That's.

B (4:51)

That's the key.

A (4:52)

Exactly. So we're going to get into that in just a second. But first, we want to remind you guys, we have an incredible app for Allers English. Right, Lindsay?

B (5:01)

We do. Guys, go on over and get the app. It's a better listening experience because when you're a premium member in the app, it is a way that you can actually see transcripts in real time that have been checked by us. You can trust those transcripts, and you can also tap on words that we've selected for you that will bring you to the next level. You tap on the words, you see the definition, you can practice it, and then you can add it to your power list. So go over to allersenglish.com Apple. It is available for iOS and Android. And it's a better way to listen to the show. All right.

A (5:32)

Perfect. All right.

B (5:34)

Yes.

A (5:34)

So. All right, let's talk. So, you know, generally, you probably wouldn't ask someone in the American culture, how much money do you make, right, Lindsay? Or what else?

B (5:45)

And again, again, everything we're saying here is per American culture. That could be different in your culture. That's what we're talking about today. That's the interesting part. Right? How much money do you make? We would avoid. What's your religion? That's pretty direct. Do you. God, that's pretty direct. And questions about sex, you know, those are all pretty much off limits, of course, unless you know, you know someone really well and you've broken that barrier of connection.

A (6:12)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, this could be completely different in other cultures. I mean, like, and it's interesting, you know, because I, I think I was telling you, Lindsay, a little bit about. So my, my 7 year old, all about to be 7, didn't understand why we don't ask about money. And it was because I was trying to explain it to him. I was trying to explain to a seven year old, like, why we don't.

B (6:37)

That's really interesting.

A (6:39)

Yeah. And I mean, I think I was thinking about why and I think, I think it goes back to. I said to him, because you may ask someone something and it might make. Make. Make them feel shame in some way. Shame, because maybe they, they don't want to tell you. Maybe they make a ton of money and they feel shame about that in the way that they don't want to sound like they're bragging or make somebody else feel bad or maybe they don't make a lot of money and they feel shame about that or, you know, so, so I think that's kind of what it comes down to with money. What do you think?

B (7:15)

Yeah, I, I'm just picturing myself. I don't know how I would answer some of these questions honestly, Michelle, I bet your kids challenge you every single day. I think I would be tempted to just say. If he, if my son said to me, why? I would just say, because.

A (7:28)

Yeah, yeah.

B (7:29)

You know, it's. It must be exhausting.

A (7:32)

It is exhausting. And, and then some things, I'm like, oh, I should know this, but I, why don't I know? And then it just makes me question my own intelligence. Like, I wasn't listening in this part of school, I guess.

B (7:45)

Right, right. Questions about the solar system or things.

A (7:48)

Like, oh, My gosh.

B (7:50)

Yes. Yes.

A (7:51)

You're like, go ask your father. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, I think Daddy might know, you know, but that is like, you don't want to do that so much because you want him to real, you know, things too. So. Oh, my God. But now. But now it's funny with, you know, with technology, he'll be like, can you Google this?

B (8:08)

Or we'll be.

A (8:10)

We'll be sitting in the car and he'll be like, how many seconds have I been alive?

B (8:16)

Wow. Hey, good questions. I mean, asking good questions is a sign of intelligence, so that's smart. Yeah.

A (8:24)

So. But let's get back to this. So, I mean, what can you say if you aren't sure if it's okay to ask a certain question? So we're going to go through some ideas.

B (8:34)

Yeah, this is great. So one example of what we can say is, is it okay to ask about X?

A (8:40)

Right.

B (8:40)

And this is great just to preface your question with this little additional phrase, but essentially, you are kind of asking about it, but you're asking if it's okay to ask about it too. Right. You're blending two questions a little bit.

A (8:53)

True, true, true, true. Yeah.

B (8:56)

Like, is it okay to ask you a question about money? And that's an opener. And then based on the reaction, you're going to learn a lot from. I just. Body language there.

A (9:08)

Right, Yep. I mean, because essentially, I think it's okay to acknowledge that, you know, something might be a little inappropriate to ask. Right. And I think that really shows that you're thinking about it, but you're still mentioning you're not sure if this specific piece is okay to ask about. So, like, maybe, you know, money as taboo, but if you're asking about housing prices, that may not be taboo. Or like, if you're not asking a super personal question, like, if I say, how much did you spend on your house? Okay. That's a personal question. But if I am asking about housing prices in general, that's not really.

B (9:50)

Yes, exactly. So it's personal versus general. Right. Even though, I mean, at least in our world of the time, if we have a friend that buys a house, like, we won't ask the question directly, but we'll go to Redfin and find the address and we'll figure out.

A (10:04)

Yep, yep, yep. I know it's all out there now. That's the thing, is there are not too many. There aren't too many secrets.

B (10:10)

No, there aren't too many. So it's just funny what we do to avoid these Taboos. But you know, having this language is. Is so key, is so important. What's something else we could say?

A (10:20)

Yeah, you could say, I know this is a taboo topic, but I'm not sure if it's okay to ask one thing. Right. And then ask what it is. Right. I like, I know, I know religion is a taboo topic, but I'm not sure if it's okay to ask one thing. Do you celebrate Christmas? You know what I mean?

B (10:38)

Right.

A (10:39)

So just, I think showing that you're thinking about it is really puts you on another level.

B (10:47)

Yeah, that's huge. Just the gesture of, like, you're aware and awareness is going to make people respect you. Right. And it kind of gives you a bit of a defense if you ask the wrong question. At least you were thinking you were trying to be conscious, right?

A (11:00)

Yep.

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B (11:30)

Okay, so what's something else we could say, Michelle?

A (11:33)

So you could acknowledge where you're from and why you're not sure about this? So you could say, oh, where I come from, or you could say, in. Right. In. In France and England or whatever. X is not taboo. So sex is not taboo, Money is not taboo. Right, but you could say, but I'm not sure if it's okay to ask about this here or about this in American culture.

B (11:58)

And then you pretty much have to go into the question because people don't really know what you're going to ask if you don't like. I, I guess my question for you is, are we expecting a response? Because we can't really respond to that. We have to kind of go into the question because people don't know what you're going to ask. Right.

A (12:15)

Well, you could, you could like, okay, you could wait for the person to say, oh, okay, what is it? And then you could give the topic. You could say, oh, I mean, well, I mean, because you could give like a little extra. I mean, you do extra information. Yeah. If you, if you don't feel like you want to give away the whole question, if you're still feeling a little awkward about it, you could say like, oh. Where I come from, money is not taboo. And then I'm not sure if it's okay. About to ask about this here. And if the person says, okay, what is it? You could say, oh, it has to do with salary or it has to do with raises, right?

B (12:51)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So a little hint before you ask. How much. You know, like, if you do want to broach that topic, like, how much.

A (12:59)

Do you like easing into it?

B (13:00)

Yeah, right, Exactly. Okay, I like it. I like it. Just want to clear that up here. Good question.

A (13:05)

Yeah, yeah.

B (13:06)

What else? What else, Michelle?

A (13:07)

You could also say this may or may not be okay to ask, but. And then, you know. But do you. Are you very religious? Right? Like, yeah. And this goes back to what you were saying, Lindsay. I'm saying I don't know if it's okay to ask. And then I'm asking it. I still think it's okay because you're showing that awareness. If. If somebody said that to me, I would say, oh, yeah, that is kind of a taboo topic. I don't know if I would ask, like, someone I'm not very close with about it, but we're friends, so I'm okay talking about this. Right. Like, I. I don't think that anybody's gotta. I think this buffer. Oh, this may or may not be okay to ask. You're just. You're showing that respect. Yeah.

B (13:50)

And it's about respect. Exactly. It's about respect. You could also say, do you mind if I ask you a kind of tab? Let me know if it's too personal. And then I'm gonna go into the question.

A (14:00)

Right?

B (14:01)

So you're giving the person an out. You're being explicit about giving the person an excuse to say, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about something else. I'd prefer not to answer that.

A (14:11)

You know?

B (14:12)

Yes.

A (14:13)

Love it. Any. Well, actually, here I have a question. Have you ever had, like, a friend who. An American friend ask you a question that is totally taboo, and then you're like. Like, then it's. It's even more awkward because you're like, wait, we don't talk about this.

B (14:30)

Yeah, I think it's probably happened before. And it's. It's definitely weird when it's someone from your own culture and you're thinking, like, you should know that this is not. Yeah.

A (14:40)

Like, I don't. You know, I remember I had a friend asked me ask me, like, how much I spent on my apartment. Oh, yeah. I was like, oh. Like, I just. I didn't really want to talk about it. And, you know, sometimes people might want to talk about it. I don't know. I just. I didn't feel like revealing it. And. And, yeah, I was like, oh. And she could. Yeah. So, yeah, it's. It's interesting. That can happen. Anything else you want to add here, Lindsay? Any other ideas?

B (15:09)

This is huge for connection. I think sometimes part of connection is just a gesture towards showing that you're aware of something.

A (15:16)

Yep.

B (15:17)

Right. It's not even so much about the word you use. You're just showing that you have an awareness, and that can go a long way. And I think this is one of those scenarios.

A (15:25)

Right, right.

B (15:26)

So, Michelle, let's do some role plays. All right.

A (15:30)

All right.

B (15:30)

So. All right, so here in the first role play, I want to ask you a question about politics. Yes.

A (15:36)

Another one. Yeah, yeah.

B (15:38)

And that was even on our list. Money. But it should be as it. Absolutely. Yeah. This is. Right now. This is really intense, too. Okay, here we go. So do you mind if I ask you a kind of taboo question? Let me know if it's too personal.

A (15:54)

Oh, okay, sure. What's your question?

B (15:57)

Did you. Who did you vote for in the past election?

A (16:01)

Oh, I don't mind if you ask that. Or you could have just said, did you vote? Right?

B (16:08)

Yeah. Okay.

A (16:09)

Yeah.

B (16:09)

Did you vote? Or even. Even more so. Or more.

A (16:12)

Who did you vote for? That. Steven. That's getting.

B (16:15)

We opted a little bit there.

A (16:18)

Yeah.

B (16:18)

That's really direct. That's. That's interesting. We haven't quite talked about that, but we really don't directly ask someone who they voted for, do we? Yeah, I mean, that's why when you go into vote, you have the booths with the. I remember thinking, when I was a kid, when we used to do mock elections in elementary school, it was strange why they have this curtain and you have to go into this space with a curtain. I was like, why is this. Why is there a curtain? Like, I'm not changing, like what's happening in a dressing room, you know? Yeah.

A (16:46)

It's very private, that moment.

B (16:48)

Yeah. Yeah. That's really interesting.

A (16:51)

So, yeah, I mean, here you acknowledged. You said, do you mind if I ask you a kind of taboo question? So, you know, you're showing that knowledge. And then you said, you gave me an out. You said, let me know if it's too personal.

B (17:03)

Yeah, it's all about giving the person an out. Right. Okay. You want to do another.

A (17:08)

Let's do one more. So here I want to ask you a question about religion. Okay, all right, all right, here we go. This may or may not be okay to ask, but did you grow up very religious?

B (17:21)

Oh, that's okay. Not too religious. But I did celebrate major holidays. Yeah.

A (17:27)

And I mean, it is possible that even if you are, like, if you have. Are from the same background, that you might, if you want, might want to ask a question like this, but if you use, like, if you use some sort of buffer like this, it's just showing, like. I don't know how you feel talking about this, but, you know, Interesting.

B (17:50)

Really good. These are great examples. And again, I think this is just about showing awareness. That builds the connection right there and it gives you a level of protection. I think what we just want to avoid here is just coming out and saying it. Michelle, who'd you vote for in the last election? Right, right. That's what we're trying to avoid here in today's episode.

A (18:08)

Right, right, right, exactly. So, I mean, I think it also just comes down to don't ask, like, truly private questions. I mean, again, maybe you, if you genuinely are totally on the fence and you're not sure if it's okay to ask someone something, that this is for those time, but if it's like a per. Like about someone's sex life or something like that, that's where that's. Yeah, it's like, you know, obviously use your judgment and again, maybe you truly don't know, and that's when it's okay to use these expressions.

B (18:40)

Right. And then, of course, there's always subcultures within the culture we're in.

A (18:44)

Right.

B (18:44)

Within American culture, there's subcultures where certain things are accepted to talk about. So there's a lot here, but this is absolutely a connection skill. Michelle, any final message for our listeners?

A (18:55)

Don't be afraid. I mean, this is, I think, I just think, just taking that step. And I think it shows self confidence that you are willing to ask, you are willing to take a little bit of a risk, and you're still showing, like, no, I'm respecting your culture. I just, I'm. I'm truly not sure. So it shows. Okay, if you don't feel comfortable, it, like, even if you don't say it outright, like in some of our examples, it just acknowledging that it could be taboo does give that person the space to say, oh, yeah, typically we don't talk about that.

B (19:27)

Yeah, I agree with you. It shows kind of a sense of self consciousness and humility, too. Self awareness, humility, which are all good ways to build connection. So even if they say no, the connection might be stronger because you've prefaced it that way right before you ask the question. Yeah, right.

A (19:44)

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I love that. So, yeah, Lindsay, I'm glad we talked about that us today. And yeah, I won't ask you any taboo questions.

B (19:54)

I know. I was like, is she going to come up with a very taboo question?

A (19:56)

No, no, no. What if I just like right at the end was like, tell me about.

B (20:01)

Your sex life or something?

A (20:02)

Yeah.

B (20:03)

So funny. All right, we won't go into that today, Michelle. Have a good rest of your day.

A (20:08)

And I'll talk to you soon. All right. Bye, Lindsay. Bye, guys.

B (20:11)

Bye. Thanks for listening. To all ears. English. Would you like to English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward/fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time. And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty.

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