AEE: Can You Use “They” for One Person?

Summary

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All Ears English Podcast

Episode: Can You Use “They” for One Person?

Hosts: Lindsay McMahon and Aubrey Carter
Date: December 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode focuses on a common English question: “Can you use ‘they’ for one person?” Lindsay and Aubrey break down the five main reasons native English speakers use “they/them” as singular pronouns, illustrating each with practical examples. The discussion is especially relevant for English learners aiming to be inclusive, avoid assumptions, and communicate naturally in modern American English.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Using "They" When Gender is Unknown

(Starts at 04:47)

• Situation: When you do not know the gender of the person being referred to, "they" serves as a neutral pronoun.
• Example: “Someone left their laptop in the conference room. I hope they come back for it.”
• Quote:

  “There are actually five different ways that we do this in English… I’ll say ‘they’ because I don’t know if it’s a he or she.” – Aubrey (02:49)

• Modern Usage: Using “he or she” is now considered outdated; “they” is the preferred modern form.

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2. Avoiding Assumptions About Gender

(Starts at 05:53)

• Situation: Even if you might guess the gender, using “they” prevents making incorrect assumptions.
• Example: “Maggie invited a coworker to happy hour. She said they will be here in about an hour.”
• Explanation: Sometimes, even names do not clearly indicate gender—using “they” is both polite and inclusive.
• Quote:

  “This keeps it inclusive, neutral, and it helps you avoid accidentally misgendering someone. Which we don’t want to do.” – Lindsay (06:54)

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3. Nonbinary Identities and Pronouns

(Starts at 07:19)

• Situation: Some people identify as nonbinary and use “they/them” pronouns as their singular pronoun.
• Examples:
  • “Alex said they will join the meeting at 3.”
  • “Taylor brought their proposal for review.”
• Cultural Note: Increasingly, people state their pronouns on social media or in email signatures.
• Quote:

  “As long as you are making an effort, like you’re acknowledging that they’re going by ‘they’ and you’re trying… just apologize and correct it. It’s that simple.” – Lindsay (07:50)

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4. Hypothetical or Generalized Persons

(Starts at 08:56)

• Situation: “They” is used when referencing general, hypothetical, or unspecified individuals, especially in rules or instructions.
• Example:
  • “If anyone has concerns, they should contact HR.”
  • “Every student must submit their application by Friday.”
• Insight: Using “they” in these contexts is both more fluent and more inclusive than “he or she.”
• Quote:

  “If we say ‘he or she’ here, we are also excluding anyone who identifies as ‘they/them’ pronouns.” – Aubrey (09:30)

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5. Protecting Privacy/Anonymity

(Starts at 10:03)

• Situation: Speakers use “they” to protect someone's identity or privacy.
• Examples:
  • “Someone told me they weren’t happy with the new schedule.”
  • “A colleague mentioned they’re feeling overwhelmed, so I’m helping cover part of their workload.”
• Explanation: This is important when sharing sensitive information or surprises.
• Quote:

  “You have to be very present to not give up an identity.” – Lindsay (10:28)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Modern Usage:

  “It feels outdated to a lot of people to say ‘he or she’… this is more like a modern way of speaking to say ‘they’ instead.” – Aubrey (05:27)

• On Making Mistakes:

  “People are kind. Right. And they’re not going to necessarily be offended automatically. They’re giving us grace.” – Aubrey (08:16)

• On Cultural Change:

  “There’s a lot going on right now and politics around this. We won’t go into all that…” – Lindsay (08:37)

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Practical Role Play Example

(Begins at 13:06)
Lindsay and Aubrey perform a dialogue using “they/them” in various contexts to model authentic conversational usage:

• “Someone left their phone on the cafe counter.” (Gender unknown; 13:11)
• “If they come back soon, it’ll still be there.” (Hypothetical; 13:16)
• “By the way, my friend is bringing a guest to the party tonight, but I don’t know their name.” (Avoiding assumptions; 13:19)
• “Jamie is coming too. They said they might be a bit late because of work.” (Nonbinary pronouns; 13:24)
• “If anyone arrives early, they can help me set up.” (Hypothetical/general; 13:32)
• “Someone told me they’re coming, but they want you to be surprised.” (Protecting privacy; 13:35)

Quick Debrief (Starts at 13:44):
The hosts review the role play, highlighting which “they” usage appeared in each line, and reinforcing why “they” is so ubiquitous and important in English communication.

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Key Takeaways for English Learners

• “They” is not only grammatically correct for singular use, but also considered more natural, modern, and polite in contemporary English.
• There are five main reasons to use “they” for a single person:
  1. Gender is unknown
  2. Avoiding gender assumptions
  3. Respecting nonbinary identities
  4. Speaking generally/hypothetically
  5. Protecting privacy or anonymity
• Making mistakes with pronouns is normal—what matters most is making an effort and correcting respectfully.
• Using “they” strengthens your ability to connect with people and communicate like a native speaker.

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Final Thoughts

(16:42)

“This is a huge connection skill and it really matters.” – Lindsay

The episode closes with encouragement for learners to adopt “they” in their English conversations as part of a welcoming, modern, and connection-focused approach.

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For more episodes and resources, visit All Ears English
Episode also available as video on YouTube

Transcript

[A]

This is an allers English podcast. Can you use they for one person?

[B]

Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz and Lindsey McMahon, the English adventurer coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, usa. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com subscribe. Do you get confused when you hear native speakers use they and not refer to a specific gender? There are actually five reasons we might do this in English and get all five of them today. When it comes to getting a good night's sleep, comfort is about much more than softness. Comfort is knowing your body is aligned, your back is supported, and every night leads to a better morning so that you can perform your best at work and live your best life. Avocado organic mattresses feature thousands of steel coils individually encased in fabric pockets that flex independently to reduce motion, transfer and support your body where it needs it most. You'll feel just as good getting into it as you do getting out of it. For example, Avocado's luxury organic mattress has 17 premium layers in seven ergonomic support zones and three comfort medium plush or ultra plush. Plus there are easy financing options with affirm to make your purchase more accessible and up to one year sleep trials and generous warrant for your peace of mind. Head to avocadogreenmattress.com today and check out their mattress and bedding sale. That's a V O C a D o G R E E N M a T T r e s s.com avocado dream of better.

[A]

Hey Lindsay, how are you?

[B]

Doing pretty well today, Aubrey. The sun is shining in Denver as usual.

[A]

Nice sexy raining in Phoenix, which is very rare for us.

[B]

Yeah, that's very rare. That's crazy.

[A]

I love it. I love when it rains.

[B]

Oh, I bet. Yeah, there's a different smell when it hits the pavement, especially if the pavement's warm.

[A]

Yeah, right. I love it.

[B]

Yeah. But I have a totally off subject question for you. Are you ready?

[A]

Yes. Let's hear it.

[B]

Okay. Do you ever use they to refer to one person?

[A]

Yeah, definitely. There's actually five different ways that we do this in English, so this happens a lot that I'll say they because I I don't know if it's a he or she. Right. There's different reasons. Or maybe I'm protecting someone's anonymity so this is going to be interesting to dive into all of the reasons that you might say they when you're referring to just one person.

[B]

Yes. I love it. And so this. There are a few questions we have today. Yes, Aubry, or is it just one?

[A]

We've gotten quite a few questions about using they for one person, so we're going to share two of them here. The first one was in YouTube. Carlos said, I love your amazing podcast. I'm using it to level up my English question. Is it correct to use they or them to refer to a single person? Regardless. And then would you like to read the other one for us, Lindsay?

[B]

And then our wonderful listener, Naoko said, thank you for always your helpful, informative episodes. When you answer questions on YouTube, don't you use they instead of he or she? I'd like to know why now.

[A]

So this is interesting. Maybe as we're responding to comments, if we've said they instead of he or she, and this listener is like, huh? I'm curious about why.

[B]

Yeah, we're going to answer all these questions today. This is a very important topic nowadays and really interesting. We're going to cover it very exhaustively. Right, Aubrey?

[A]

Absolutely. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Good. And guys, don't forget to hit the follow button right here on the podcast if you don't want to miss a single episode. We've been publishing five days a week. You don't want to miss it. So let us drop right into your queue and. And hit the follow button. All right.

[A]

Yes. Wherever you listen to podcasts, open your search bar and search all ears English. You can't miss the bright yellow.

[B]

The bright yellow. And don't forget, this episode is on YouTube. So we have a thriving YouTube channel. So if you prefer to actually watch us learn, as you learn English, learn with us. You can go over to YouTube and find Allers English and hit subscribe.

[A]

Okay. Yes. Awesome. Okay, let's dive into the first reason that we might use they for a single person, which is when the person's gender is unknown, this is actually the most frequent use. So, for example, if I were to say someone left their laptop in the conference room, I hope they come back for it. I don't know who it was. I don't know their gender. So I'm going to say they.

[B]

Yes. Or if a customer calls, tell them I'll return the message soon.

[A]

Right, so you're going to say them. Right. You're. This is a hypothetical customer that might call. So we're not going to say he or she. Will just save them.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you could say he or she, but that just takes so long, you know.

[A]

And it was interesting as I was sort of researching to make sure I covered all the ways we do this more and more. I was seeing online that that's actually. It feels outdated to a lot of people to say he or she or to just choose one or the other to say he or she when we don't know. So I was like, that's really interesting. So this is more like a modern way of speaking to say they instead.

[B]

Yeah. So that's reason one, when we just don't know the gender, then number two, what's the second reason?

[A]

Number two is when you are avoid assuming gender. So polite English avoids assumptions in a lot of different ways.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For example, I might say Maggie invited a co worker to happy hour. She said they will be here in about an hour. So I don't know the gender of this co worker. I'm not going to assume it. I'll just say they.

[B]

Right. Or every student must submit their application by Friday. Submit their application by Friday, Right?

[A]

Yeah. So this is maybe a teacher saying something that's sort of just like in general, one student each student. Not going to assume gender. We'll just use that pronoun there.

[B]

Yeah. And this is probably the example that Naoko was getting to. I think Naoko is getting to when we announce, you know, students names when they submit questions, sometimes we'll read the name, but then we still don't know whether it's a female name or a male name. So then we will say they. Right?

[A]

Yes, that makes sense. I didn't realize that's what was being asked. But yes, often with a name we won't know the gender we don't want to assume. So we'll say they or them or there.

[B]

Love it. So this keeps it inclusive, neutral, and it helps you avoid accidentally misgendering someone. Which we don't want to do.

[A]

Right. Which we definitely have possibly accidentally done. So we apologize when we just have someone's name. Or Sometimes it's a YouTube handle with just like letters and numbers. So we try not to assume gender, but we may accidentally say he or she sometime.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. And that gets into number three. This is a big one, right? Yeah.

[A]

So this is when a person identifies as non binary and uses they them pronouns. So in this case, they is the person's correct singular pronoun.

[B]

Exactly. So what this looks like is Alex said they will join the meeting at 3, right?

[A]

Yep. Or Taylor brought Their proposal for review. So because they identify as non binary, a lot of people will announce their pronouns now or have them in social media or LinkedIn so that we know. Because otherwise we won't always know what pronouns someone uses.

[B]

Yeah. And I think the important thing to get across here is as long as you are making an effort, like you're acknowledging that they're going by they and you're trying, and we all make mistakes here. You know, I have some people very close to me in my life that have this. For example, a partner of a good friend of mine. And even on phone calls, when I'm asking about my friend's partner, I'll make a mistake, but then I just apologize and correct it. It's that simple. Right? It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

[A]

Yes. And in my experience, you know, people are kind. Right. And they. They're not going to necessarily be offended automatically. They're giving us grace. Right. I have the same situation with a friend's child who I have to remember sometimes to use they them. And I've made mistakes and they're usually quite understanding.

[B]

Yeah, completely. So this is a. It's a connection piece here too. Right? It's a connection moment. If you make the effort, you will be able to connect and maintain that relationship. That's a good one. That's a big one. There's a lot going on right now and politics around this. We won't go into all that. But let's go into number four. Aubry.

[A]

Perfect. So number four is for hypothetical examples. So if you're speaking generally, like giving rules, instructions, or describing just a person in general, a hypothetic person, hypothetical person, then we would use they them. For example, if anyone has concerns, they should contact hr, who will get back to them right away.

[B]

Yeah, it feels more institutional, more about procedures. Right. Aubry, as you said, rules, instructions. It's putting some distance in. In between whoever's saying that and the people. Right.

[A]

And it's interesting, you know what I was saying about modern English, I'm realizing if we say he or she here, we are also excluding anyone who identifies as they them pronouns.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's another reason to say they instead.

[B]

Exactly. A good manager listens to their team. Right.

[A]

Another example here. Right. We're just talking about these individual team members. We're going to use they or their. And then lastly, when the speaker deliberately is hiding the identity of a person to protect privacy or to respect anonymity, maybe.

[B]

Right, right, exactly. So, for example, someone told me they Weren't happy with the new schedule.

[A]

Yeah. So, right, you've been told by someone and you're going, if you're saying this to someone else, you don't want to call out their gender to maybe narrow down. Maybe there's only one woman on the team. And so if you say someone told me she's not happy, you have given up their identity.

[B]

Yes, exactly. And this can be harder than, than you realize if you try to, try to do this as you're having a conversation, you have to be very present.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

To not give up an identity.

[A]

Yes. It's really tricky. Or another example is a colleague mentioned they're feeling overwhelmed, so. So I'm helping cover part of their workload.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this you don't want to call out, you know, maybe they told you this in privacy and you don't want it to be clear who you're talking about so you're just going to say they.

[B]

Yeah. Or there could be other scenarios. Like when someone, if someone's pregnant and they're getting a scan and they don't want to know the gender of the baby, the technician has to speak in a very, very intentional way to say, oh, baby has just moved baby's head. Right. It has to be. So this happens in a lot of different scenarios. In English, Aubrey.

[A]

Yeah, good point. Right. The baby has just moved its head. Right. They have moved their head. Exactly.

[B]

It actually is very unnatural sometimes.

[A]

Yeah. Interesting.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah. You and I are at a lunch discussing a party that we are hosting tonight.

[B]

Okay. All right. Someone left their phone on the cafe counter.

[A]

Oh, well, if they come back soon, it'll still be there.

[B]

By the way, my friend is bringing a guest to the party tonight, but I don't know their name.

[A]

Oh, I'm excited to meet them. Jamie is coming too. They said they might be a bit late because of work.

[B]

Nice. I'm glad they can make it.

[A]

If anyone arrives early, they can help me set up.

[B]

Oh, and someone told me they're coming, but they want you to be surprised, so I can't tell you who it is.

[A]

Oh, exciting. I can't wait to see everyone.

[B]

Nice. All right, so, yeah, there's lots.

[A]

All of them here.

[B]

Yeah, very interesting here. So let's go through it all. So the first one, I said, someone left their phone on the cafe counter. So this is the scenario one where the gender is just unknown. It's. How would we know it's just a person who left the phone.

[A]

Right, Exactly. We don't know who left their phone. So we're gonna say someone left their phone. They left their phone.

[B]

And even if. Just a caveat, even if, let's say, like, because colors are so gendered sometimes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Let's say, like, the phone is pink and sparkly. We still don't know whether it's a female's phone. And we still wouldn't go and say someone left her phone. Right.

[A]

Would you agree? That's a really good point. Or we shouldn't. Anyway, my friend's son, he's 12 now, loves pink and rainbows and absolutely, you could never guess his gender based on the phone he's going to choose.

[B]

Exactly. Pink's a great color for both genders. So, you know, there you go.

[A]

And then I said, oh, well, if they come back, it'll still be there. So just, again, same thing, gender unknown. So I say, if they come back.

[B]

Yeah, you just don't know the person. You don't know the gender. Then I said, by the way, my friend is bringing a guest to the party tonight, but I don't know their name. So.

[A]

Yeah, and here you're just avoiding assumptions. Number two, Right? So you say, I don't know their Name.

[B]

Right, right, right. Like if your friend's a guy, you're not going to assume that he's bringing a guy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're just gonna say, who knows? Right.

[A]

Exactly. And then I said, I'm excited to meet them. And so I again, I'm gonna say them because we don't know the gender of this person. And then I said, jamie's coming too. They said they might be late because of work. And this is number three. This is a non binary person's pronouns. So my friend Jamie, who uses they, them pronouns, I would say, jamie's coming. They said they might be late.

[B]

Yeah, nice. And then number. The next one is the same category saying nice. I'm glad they can make it. Right. So once I picked up on the fact that you are gender non binary pronoun, I'm going to repeat it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm going to go along with that.

[A]

Of course. Yep. I'm glad they can make it, though. Of course, if you haven't met my friend Jamie, you wouldn't know gender here. So you would still say they. It would be the other not assuming gender to say, oh, I'm glad they can make it.

[B]

Ah, tricky, tricky, tricky.

[A]

Interesting. All right, what about. Said, if anyone arrives early, they can help me set up. This is that hypothetical person number four. This sort of general rule. They can help me set up. Even if it's one person.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Like, we don't know who's going to arrive early. It's anonymous. Right. And then I said, oh, and someone told me they're coming, but they want you to be surprised, so I can't tell you who it is.

[A]

Yeah, this is that number five, hiding someone's identity. I'm gonna be surprised by someone. So you're careful to say they.

[B]

Yes. Excellent. Wow. This is. So they is indeed everywhere in English. Aubry.

[A]

Absolutely. And there are five totally separate different ways to use it. It's like you were saying, Lindsay. Sometimes we're using it because we're trying to be respectful. We're being. And sometimes it just makes sense because we don't know someone's gender or we're trying to not assume.

[B]

Yeah. Really good episode. And I think it's going to be very important for a lot of our listeners. Right. This is a huge connection skill and it really matters.

[A]

Definitely. Yeah. I. I'm really excited to have covered this. I'm excited for you guys out there, which we've gotten a lot of questions about this, so we know this is on your minds. This is an interesting thing. About English. So yeah, happy to cover this today.

[B]

All right, Aubry, see you next time. You have a good rest of your day.

[A]

You too. Thanks, Lindsay. Bye.

[B]

Thanks for listening to all ears. English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward/fluencyscore. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure. Make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time. And Doug, here we have the Limu.

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