AEE: Connect Over Hurt Feelings in English

Summary

Episode Summary: "Connect Over Hurt Feelings in English"

Podcast: All Ears English Podcast
Hosts: Lindsey McMahon and Aubrey Carter
Release Date: March 8, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Connect Over Hurt Feelings in English," hosts Lindsey McMahon and Aubrey Carter delve into the multifaceted use of the word "hurt" in American English. Aimed at intermediate to advanced ESL learners, the discussion not only explores the literal and emotional connotations of "hurt" but also integrates practical examples and role-playing scenarios to enhance learners' understanding and conversational skills.

Understanding "Hurt": Physical vs. Emotional

The episode begins with Lindsey prompting Aubrey with a personal question: "When was the last time you were hurt?" [00:07]. This opens the floor to distinguishing between physical injuries and emotional pain.

• Physical Hurt:
  Aubrey shares a recent experience of getting a cut near her eye, highlighting the physical aspect of being hurt. She states, "I'm hurt or I'm in pain" [03:31], emphasizing that such phrases are often used in medical contexts or to describe visible injuries. Lindsey echoes this by mentioning, "Oh, no, I got hurt. Or oh, that hurts." [04:52], noting that while grammatically correct, saying "I'm hurt" feels more natural in specific situations like informing someone of an injury.

• Emotional Hurt:
  Transitioning to emotional pain, Aubrey explains the subtlety in expression by differentiating between anger and feeling hurt. "There's a big difference between 'I am hurt' and 'I feel hurt'" [02:30], she clarifies that the latter conveys disappointment or sadness rather than anger. Lindsey provides practical examples, such as feeling hurt by a friend's negative comment, reinforcing the emotional depth of the term.

Idiomatic Expressions Related to "Hurt"

Expanding beyond literal meanings, the hosts explore idiomatic expressions involving "hurt," enhancing learners' ability to grasp nuanced English usage.

• "In a World of Hurt":
  Aubrey introduces the idiom "in a world of hurt" [07:55], explaining it signifies facing serious consequences rather than physical or emotional pain. She recounts her father's frequent use of the phrase: "You will be in a world of hurt if you don't get your chores done." [08:18]. Lindsey relates it to professional settings, such as missing a deadline, where one might say, "I'll be in a world of hurt if I don't prepare the presentation." [08:36]. This idiom is highlighted as valuable for both casual and workplace conversations.

Role Play Scenario

To contextualize the discussed concepts, Lindsey and Aubrey engage in a role-play exercise, simulating a conversation between a doctor and a patient with a hurt arm.

• Scenario Breakdown:

  • Patient's Complaint: Aubrey portrays a patient who slipped and fell, injuring her arm.
    "I slipped and fell on some ice in a parking lot." [11:25]
  • Doctor's Inquiry: Lindsey asks, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt?" [11:29], fostering a natural medical dialogue.
  • Discussion of Hurt Usage: Throughout the role play, both hosts demonstrate different uses of "hurt," such as using it as an adjective ("I have a hurt arm") versus a verb ("I hurt it when I slipped and fell") [12:14].

• Humorous Exchange:
  The interaction lightens as Lindsey jokes about bedside manners:
  "Well, hopefully you're not left-handed or you'll be in a world of hurt." [12:52]

This segment not only reinforces the vocabulary but also showcases practical applications in everyday scenarios.

Takeaways and Conclusions

As the episode concludes, Lindsey and Aubrey underscore the importance of expressing both physical and emotional pain to foster deeper connections. Aubrey emphasizes, "It's okay to be in pain. It's okay to cry." [15:02], advocating for vulnerability as a means to strengthen relationships. Lindsey adds, "It can make you become closer to people. It can make people know you better." [15:12], highlighting the social benefits of open communication about one's feelings.

Additional Resources

• Business English Podcast Recommendation:
  Aubrey recommends another episode, "Business English Podcast 379: Why You Should Not Hem and Ha at Work," encouraging listeners to expand their idiomatic language skills within professional contexts [14:09].

• Engagement Invitation:
  Listeners are encouraged to take a two-minute quiz to assess their English level by visiting allearsenglish.com/fluencyscore [15:27].

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Lindsey McMahon:
  "When you join Metro plus tax for a limited time and subject max one offer per account." [01:29]
  (Note: This quote pertains to an advertisement and is omitted from the educational summary.)

• Aubrey Carter:
  "There's a big difference between 'I am hurt' and 'I feel hurt'." [02:30]

• Lindsey McMahon:
  "I love it. Good stuff." [15:12]

• Aubrey Carter:
  "It's okay to be in pain. It's okay to cry." [15:02]

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Conclusion

This episode of the All Ears English Podcast effectively breaks down the complexities of the word "hurt," providing learners with both the linguistic tools and the contextual understanding necessary to use it aptly. Through engaging discussions and practical role-plays, Lindsey McMahon and Aubrey Carter facilitate a deeper comprehension of expressing pain and building connections in American English.

Transcript

[Aubrey Carter]

This is an Allers English podcast. Connect over Hurt feelings in English.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsey McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, usa. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com subscribe when you get hurt, either emotionally or physically, what exactly can you say in English today? Get 4 Ways to say that you're hurt in English to build better relationships.

[C]

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[Aubrey Carter]

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[Lindsey McMahon]

Hello, Aubrey, how are you today?

[Aubrey Carter]

I'm great, Lindsay, how are you?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Good. Glad to be on the microphone. All good. What are we talking about on the show today?

[Aubrey Carter]

I have a question to start us out. When's the last time you were hurt?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Oh, well, I had some pain on. I had a cut on my face recently, a few weeks ago on my eye, actually. And that really hurt? Actually, it really stung.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, that sounds really painful. I've had eye injuries before, too. I feel like anything. You have a lot of nerve endings in your face. Right.

[Lindsey McMahon]

So that would hurt a lot for sure. And in your scalp and that sort of thing. Absolutely.

[Aubrey Carter]

But I'm curious, what would change if instead I asked, when's the last time you felt hurt?

[Lindsey McMahon]

That would probably be more about an emotional pain. Right? Because the fact that you use the word felt points more to the feelings inside, not so much the cuts and scrapes and bruises. Right, Aubry.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right, Exactly. There's a big difference between I am hurt and I feel hurt. This question came up in our Q A. Tracy brought it up. It was a great question about all the ways we use hurt in English. So we're going to dive into these today. Really interesting. It was a great conversation. I'm excited to talk about it here.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, I bet it was. And just a reminder for listeners, what is Q A? Well, that is a special Feature only available for students. Students who purchase our courses, but not just our courses. Those who choose the Personal Coach Plan in our courses get a chance to attend the weekly Q A where they can bring questions from their course and have them answered directly. So just keep that in mind, listeners, the next time you join one of our courses, join the Personal Coach plan to get in.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes, it's an amazing weekly class. Everyone brings really interesting questions. It's usually a pretty small group and a great conversation. So if you're not in there, you are missing out.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. Really good opportunity. So. All right, so let's get into it. Aubry, where shall we start today?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, so we're going to start with just I'm hurt, like you were saying. You. You're. You were hurt because you're. You had, like, a cut on your face. And this means physical injury or pain. Right. So you can say I'm hurt or I'm in pain. And here we're talking about physical injury.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. What I usually say is, I usually say I got hurt. I. I'll talk about it in the past tense. I got hurt last week when I fell while skiing and, you know, bu. Knee, Something like that.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yes, definitely. Right. Because if we say I am hurt or I am in pain, it's almost like you're just. You're describing it to a doctor more. Right. Describing your pain. If you're going to tell someone you're injured. Yeah, we'd say I got hurt when something happened.

[Lindsey McMahon]

When we, when we said those two phrases, I imagined walking into the ER or something.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right. Someone help me.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes, exactly. Yes. Hopefully not. Here's an example. Oh, no, I'm hurt. I rolled my ankle.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah. And this is where I'm imagining like, you're playing volleyball and you fall. Right. And I think you're right. I still would maybe say I got hurt. Yeah, I rolled my ankle. Yeah. But I think you could say it would make sense to say, you know, oh, no, I'm hurt.

[Lindsey McMahon]

You can. It's. It's grammatically correct. It doesn't feel super natural to me to say I'm hurt. Right. Oh, no, I got hurt. Or oh, that hurts. Oh, more like, that hurts. Right?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, that hurts. This hurts. That hurts. Yeah. Interesting. And then you could ask someone, you know, are you hurt? Or how bad does it hurt if someone else has clearly been injured and you're trying to assess how serious it is.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes, I like that. All right, now let's flip over to the emotional side of things. And this is what you asked at the Top of the show, Right?

[Aubrey Carter]

I feel. I feel hurt. Yeah. Emotional pain, maybe disappointment or sadness. Interestingly, we don't use this for anger. Right. We wouldn't say, I'm hurt by what this person did, if we're feeling angry, would say, I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes, exactly. So, for example, I wish you hadn't said that you hurt me. Right.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah. And this is. You're. You're not saying I'm angry, you're saying I feel disappointed or saddened.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. Maybe kind of a disagreement you're having with your spouse, for example, Something like that.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Friend.

[Aubrey Carter]

Friend. Right. If they, you know, maybe lie to you or. Or say something negative, they tell you you don't look good in your jeans, something like that, that could hurt your feelings. Right. It just makes you feel bad.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, of course. What's another example? Aubry.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, it really hurt when he said he didn't want to be my friend. This. Oh, my son said this to me not long ago. Because kids are so honest, and sometimes they don't realize how something will hurt feelings. No. I say, oh, you want to be my friend? No, thanks. Oh, it hurts.

[Lindsey McMahon]

No, thanks. Oh, my God, that's so cute. Yeah. No, that's true. I don't know what. At what age they develop. I guess they develop it over time. Right. But that level of empathy to really understand the impact of their words. So you can't take too serious.

[Aubrey Carter]

And the age might be different for every kid. Right. The. The parents, they're saying, like, okay, let's be nice. Think about how you would feel if someone said that to you. Right.

[Lindsey McMahon]

I mean, even my niece is still. She's 11 now, and she's still incredibly blunt. Like, she'll. You know, she used to say she loved my hair, and now that my hair is not, like, the style that everyone's wearing. The. The center part.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Now when I see her, she'd be like, I hate your hair.

[Aubrey Carter]

Oh, no. She's like, your hair is so outdated. Aunt Lindsay, that's really funny.

[Lindsey McMahon]

You need to fix your hair.

[Aubrey Carter]

Just tell you like it is.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Friends, you know?

[Aubrey Carter]

That's really funny.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

And so you might say to her, you know, oh, that hurt my feelings. I often tell my kids, like, just don't comment on someone's physical appearance, you know, because it's likely to hurt someone's feelings.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes. I. Like, I should start saying that to her when she says that, because she needs to know by 11. These things can be hurtful. I like my hair. Okay.

[Aubrey Carter]

Feelings. Totally.

[Lindsey McMahon]

All right, next one. It hurts. Right. So this is something is causing physical or emotional pain. For example, my back hurts.

[Aubrey Carter]

Hurts. Right, exactly. Or it hurts to be rejected. Right. So this is for both physical and emotional pain. When we're just describing it as a state and we'll just say it hurts. Something hurts. Yeah.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes, exactly. And now the next one is an idiom. So now we can get into, for example, on the IELTS exam, maybe this could be good in part three. What do you think, Aubry?

[Aubrey Carter]

Absolutely right. You have to use idiomatic language on ielts, but also in your daily conversations. Idioms make language so much more interesting. And this is a fun one. It's in a world of hurt. So this means that someone is in trouble or facing serious consequences. My dad said this to me a lot. He'd say, you will be in a world of hurt if you don't get your chores done. For example.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Oh, interesting.

[Aubrey Carter]

I knew that it wasn't like he was physically going to hurt me. He was. What he meant was there will be consequences.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Oh, that's kind of a cool trademark for your dad. Right? All of our parents have their own little language trademarks. I love that. Yeah. So if I miss this deadline, I'll be in a world of hurt.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, we might say that at work. Right. And all we mean, we're not talking about physical or emotional pain here. We're meaning that I'm going to be in trouble. I'm going to have some kind of consequence if I don't do this.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Or maybe you're just going to be extremely stressed out or, you know, you don't prepare the presentation. I'll be in a world of hurt right before. Because I'll be stressed up to my eyeballs, you know?

[Aubrey Carter]

Exactly. This is super useful. You can use this in daily conversations or at work. It just means I'm going to regret it.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yes. And what else? Aubrey? We have one more. Oh, this is the one your dad.

[Aubrey Carter]

The one my dad said. I pulled the second example here first. And you will hear, I think parents say this to kids, right? Yeah, it's just a way of saying, like, there will be consequences for your actions. You'll be in a world of hurt if you don't do that.

[Lindsey McMahon]

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[Aubrey Carter]

They're so fun. I love thinking of all the different scenarios like this one. You are a doctor and I have come in with a hurt arm.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Okay, good. I like this. Okay. All right, here we go. Ooh, that looks like it hurts. Now, how did it happen?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, I heard it when I slipped and fell on some ice in a parking lot.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Well, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt?

[Aubrey Carter]

Maybe 6. It feels numb now more than anything.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Well, hopefully you're not left handed or you'll be in a world of hurt. Well, that's not very sensitive to say.

[Aubrey Carter]

Not the best bedside manner. Lindsay, work on that.

[Lindsey McMahon]

I need to work on my bedside manner. Absolutely. So here we go. We broke it down. So you came in and you had a broken arm. Right. And I said, oh, that looks like it hurts. That's a common chunk for sure.

[Aubrey Carter]

Exactly right. Just meaning like that looks like it's painful is what this means. And interestingly, in the roleplay description, I've come in with a hurt arm. This is where we use it as an adjective. This is another meaning. Right. I have a hurt arm and there it's an adjective instead of a verb like most of these.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Right. Nice. Okay. And then what it. Now you used it as a verb here. What did you say?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, I hurt it when I slipped and fell. So this is the same meaning as injured. I injured it, I hurt it.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yep. I heard it when I said. And usually we bring those together pronunciation wise. Right. I heard it when I slipped and fell. It almost sounds like one word sometimes.

[Aubrey Carter]

Exactly. And just like you pointed out, we'll often say I got hurt. Right. Oh, I got hurt when I slipped and fell. We'll also say this. I heard it. Yeah, I broke it. All right. But this is where I don't know it's broken. So I'll just say I heard it.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah. If you want to focus on the arm itself, I heard it instead of I got hurt when I slipped and fell.

[Aubrey Carter]

Right, Exactly.

[Lindsey McMahon]

And then I'm asking you on a scale of how much does it hurt? Right. Where's your pain?

[Aubrey Carter]

Meaning what's your pain level? How much does it hurt? Exactly. And then you said this one that we said was not very good bedside manner to say hopefully. Because it's clearly my left arm that's injured. Hopefully you're not left handed or you'll be in a world of hurt. Meaning that's going to be. It's going to be hard to write. It's going to be hard to do some of your actions because the doctor's probably looking at it and can tell maybe it's broken. It's clearly a very serious injury.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, it's hard. I remember in college in my tennis practice once one day I played college tennis. Tennis practice, broke my wrist or it was a hairline fracture and everything was so hard to do. Brushing my hair, getting dressed, everything was so difficult for a good like four weeks, five weeks.

[Aubrey Carter]

Did you have a brace that you wore on it? Yeah, I had a. Still.

[Lindsey McMahon]

It wasn't a cast, but it was a brace. Yeah.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah.

[Lindsey McMahon]

You just like all the ways you use your hands. Right. To propagate, get ready and everything.

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah. It makes me really appreciate. I have a good friend whose daughter has limb differences and it's amazing all of the technology that has come out to help and. But it's just amazing how a lot of people are able to live with a difference like that. And we struggle so much just with a couple of weeks of having.

[Lindsey McMahon]

I know. Very impressive. Absolutely. So, Aubrey, what's another episode that we could go to. To check out?

[Aubrey Carter]

Yeah, we want to make sure that you don't miss a recent episode of the Business English Podcast 379 why you should not hem and ha at work. This is some more fun idiomatic language and also some good tips if you work in English.

[Lindsey McMahon]

Yeah, exactly. So if you're not following the business English podcast, that's a whole other podcast and it's equally amazing. So go over and open your search bar, type in business English, hit the follow button, and check out 379. All right, good.

[Aubrey Carter]

And as a takeaway, what a great way to connect. If you are feeling either physical or emotional pain. Right. You don't need to hide it. It's okay. I talk to my kids about this a lot. Right. It's okay to be in pain. It's okay to cry. Yes. You know, be vulnerable about your emotional or physical pain.

[Lindsey McMahon]

It's so true. I mean, it can make you become closer to people. It can make people know you better, know what you actually care about. So now our listeners have the words to do it. Right.

[Aubrey Carter]

Especially if, like a friend hurt your feelings. Right. You wouldn't want to bottle that up and then resent them. Right?

[Lindsey McMahon]

Right.

[Aubrey Carter]

Now you have the vocabulary to express that and communicate about it.

[Lindsey McMahon]

I love it. Good stuff. Aubry, thanks for being on the show. I'll see you soon.

[Aubrey Carter]

Awesome. See you next time.

[Lindsey McMahon]

All right, bye. Thanks for listening to all ears. English. Would you like to know your English English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com fluencyscore and if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.