All Ears English Podcast: How to Share What You’ve Been Through in English

Hosts: Lindsay McMahon & Michelle Kaplan
Episode Date: October 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Lindsay and Michelle dive deep into how to talk about personal struggles or traumas in English in a way that fosters connection rather than self-pity or awkwardness. Responding to a listener’s insightful question, they share practical strategies, phrases, and cultural nuances for opening up about difficult experiences while maintaining balance in conversations. Listeners gain nuanced guidance for vulnerability in English that supports “connection not perfection.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why It’s Tricky to Share Difficult Experiences

• Individual & Cultural Contexts: Both hosts stress that sharing trauma is sensitive and challenging—even for native speakers—since everyone has different comfort levels and cultural backgrounds.
• Vulnerability and Timing: Being open can strengthen relationships, but knowing when, what, and how much to share is vital for genuine connection.
• "If you don’t eventually share something like that, the friendship won’t go anywhere. … It’s a real sense of vulnerability."
  — Lindsay (09:06)

2. Listener Question: Sharing Trauma Without Inviting Pity

Masami’s Question (05:14):
“How can we talk about our traumas in a way that helps us connect on a deeper level without sounding like we're seeking pity?”

Memorable Explanation:

• “A pity party… when all of a sudden it feels like everyone is coming to your side and feeling bad for you. It doesn’t feel great to have people feel bad for you.”
  — Lindsay (06:19)

Hosts discuss wanting empathy, not pity; how to avoid being the center of excessive sympathy.

Actionable Strategies for Sharing (09:48–19:33)

1. Mind Your Tone of Voice (09:48)

• Be genuine and serious, but avoid intonation that signals you might break down or seek extra attention.
• Quote:
  “You want to be very… if you don’t want that kind of attention, you can be very matter of fact about it, but also not robotic.”
  — Michelle (10:07)
• Timing Matters: Sometimes it helps to wait until emotions are less raw (10:37–11:01)

2. Avoid Dwelling on the Topic (12:02)

• Mention your experience, but don’t stay there—“touch on something briefly but not sit in it too long.”
• Example Phrase:
  “That was years ago, though.”
  — Lindsay (12:28)
• Contextualizing helps convey personal growth or distance from the event.

3. Use Contextualizing Expressions (13:07)

• Useful phrases to express distance from difficult events:
  • “That was years ago.”
  • “That was in another life.”
  • “But so much has changed.”
• Example:
  “I had three breakups in one year, but so much has changed now that I’m with Paul.”
  — Michelle (14:03)

4. Keep the Floor Open for Others (16:05)

• Invite the other person to share, allowing for mutual connection.
• Sample Invitations:
  • “I know it was hard for you when X.”
  • “Was it tough for you when [something happened]?”
• Soft, non-demanding, and encourages a two-way conversation.

5. Reassuring Phrases to Manage the Mood (17:35)

• Reassure listeners you’re okay—if you genuinely want to steer away from a sympathy-focused exchange.
• Phrases:
  • “But don’t worry about me.” (With caution over tone!)
  • “I’m fine, I’m moving past it.”
  • “I’m working through it.”
• Quote:
  “Especially with, like, a death, that’s something that we have to work on over time. …We don’t just, like, move on. Right. So, yeah, there are different ways you can phrase this…”
  — Lindsay (19:10)

Role Play Demonstration: Tying the Tips Together

(20:38–21:42)

• Example:
  • A: “Are you close with your family?”
  • B: “Things have been complicated. My childhood was tough and my family relationships never really resolved. But so much has changed for me as an adult. I realized what relationships are worth fighting for.”
  • A: “Wow, Michelle.”
  • B: “Yeah. Well, was it tough for you when you moved away from your home?”
  • A: “Yeah, I had a really hard time at first, but I moved past it.”

Highlights & Techniques Used:

• Shared vulnerably, then contextualized and shifted focus back to the conversation partner.
• Demonstrated empathy and openness without inviting a “pity party.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If you don't eventually share something like that, the friendship won't go anywhere. …It's a real sense of vulnerability."
  — Lindsay (09:06)
• "Sometimes it's good for the soul to go into something a little deeper."
  — Lindsay (22:23)
• "This is a very human skill. Trauma happens all over the world. Everyone has been through something, right?"
  — Lindsay (22:09)
• “It's totally your choice how you share it and if you share it and why and how much you share.”
  — Michelle (17:36)

Important Timestamps

• 02:19 – Episode theme introduction & approach to difficult conversations
• 05:14 – Listener question: How to share trauma without seeking pity
• 06:19 – Defining a “pity party” in American English
• 09:06 – The vulnerability in choosing to share
• 09:48 – Tip #1: Mind your tone of voice
• 12:02 – Tip #2: Don’t dwell on it
• 13:07 – Tip #3: Contextualizing with English expressions
• 16:05 – Tip #4: Keep the floor open for others
• 17:35 – Tip #5: Use reassuring phrases
• 20:38 – Role play: Applying the strategies

Final Takeaway

The ability to talk about your hardships in English—without dominating the conversation or inviting unwanted pity—is a nuanced, vital skill for deeper connection in any language or culture. It’s all about timing, context, balanced vulnerability, and practicing culturally appropriate expressions. The hosts invite listeners to try these techniques, adapt them for their own contexts, and use English to build genuine, two-way relationships: “Connection, not perfection!”