AEE: Should You Say I Don't Care?

Summary

All Ears English Podcast: "Should You Say I Don't Care?"

Hosts: Lindsay McMahon and Michelle Kaplan
Release Date: February 15, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In this engaging episode of the All Ears English Podcast, hosts Lindsay McMahon and Michelle Kaplan delve into the nuanced use of the phrase "I don't care." Aimed at intermediate to advanced English learners, the episode explores when this phrase is appropriate and when it might come across as rude or indifferent.

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2. Listener's Question and Initial Opinions

The episode kicks off with a listener question from Leon C., who inquires about the appropriateness of using the phrase "I don't care" in everyday conversations. Leon mentions his personal tendency to avoid the phrase due to his personality but notes that he often hears native speakers using it.

Quote:
Lindsay McMahon [03:22]: "They say, hi, guys. Thank you for all your amazing episodes. I have a question about 'I don't care.' Because of my personality, I avoid saying it and I use other words, but I do hear Native American English speakers using it sometimes. Can you please explain when and how to use it?"

Initial Reactions:
Both hosts agree that "I don't care" is often perceived as rude. Lindsay shares her gut feeling that using the phrase is "8 out of 10 times, yes" — implying that it's generally not advisable.

Quote:
Lindsay McMahon [02:34]: "Yes."

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3. Appropriate Use Cases for "I Don't Care"

The hosts discuss scenarios where using "I don't care" might be acceptable. They emphasize the importance of context and emotional distance when deciding to use the phrase.

• Minor Mishaps:
  When someone makes a small mistake, such as choosing the wrong brand of groceries, saying "I don't care" can be a way to appease and reassure the other person that it's not a big deal.

  Quote:
  Michelle Kaplan [06:27]: "Oh, yeah. The brand totally doesn't matter to me."

• Detached Opinions:
  Expressing indifference about matters that don't directly affect you, like celebrity gossip or certain news segments, can be appropriate.

  Quote:
  Michelle Kaplan [07:12]: "I can't stand watching cable news anymore. I don't care about their opinions. I just want the real news."

Takeaway:
Use "I don't care" when the topic is minor or when you are emotionally detached from the subject matter.

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4. Inappropriate Use Cases for "I Don't Care"

Conversely, the phrase becomes problematic in situations that are personal or require genuine engagement.

• Decision-Making:
  When making decisions, such as choosing a restaurant with friends, saying "I don't care" can come across as indifferent and may strain relationships.

  Quote:
  Lindsay McMahon [04:34]: "I don't care. I've tried to get away from this lately by either having an opinion or just, I don't know."

• Personal Conflicts:
  In conflicts with friends, partners, or coworkers, using "I don't care" can indicate a lack of interest in maintaining the relationship.

  Quote:
  Michelle Kaplan [10:36]: "If you say, 'I don't care,' and you're in a fight, that's very personal."

• Workplace Interactions:
  Responding dismissively at work, such as telling a coworker "I don't care" when they ask for help, can damage professional relationships.

  Quote:
  Michelle Kaplan [11:09]: "No, no, no, we're not gonna do that."

Takeaway:
Avoid using "I don't care" in personal relationships, decision-making contexts, and professional settings where your attitude can significantly impact others.

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5. Alternatives to "I Don't Care"

To maintain positive connections while expressing neutrality or indifference, Lindsay and Michelle suggest several alternative phrases:

• "I’m good either way."
  Conveys flexibility without sounding dismissive.

• "It’s all good."
  Indicates that you’re okay with any outcome or decision.

• "Doesn’t matter to me."
  Politely shows that you don’t have a strong preference.

Quote:
Michelle Kaplan [12:25]: "I'm good either way. So both places sound nice."

Additional Alternatives:
Lindsay adds that having opinions can make conversations more interesting and that using alternatives helps avoid appearing indecisive or negative.

Quote:
Lindsay McMahon [13:31]: "Let's say for the dinner choice or just having opinions about things in general. It just makes you kind of a more interesting person."

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6. Role Play Example

To illustrate the appropriate use of "I don't care" and its alternatives, Lindsay and Michelle perform a role play where friends decide how to get to the airport.

• Scenario:
  Lindsay asks Michelle whether to take an Uber or drive. Michelle initially responds with "I don't care," which Lindsay identifies as causing tension.

• Alternative Responses:
  Michelle then uses "I'm good either way," demonstrating a more considerate approach that maintains harmony.

Quote:
Lindsay McMahon [15:05]: "Uber or drive?"
Michelle Kaplan [15:09]: "Oh, I don't care."
Michelle Kaplan [15:13]: "Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, really, though, I'm good either way. Maybe Uber."

Outcome:
The role play highlights that while "I don't care" can disrupt the conversation, using alternatives fosters better communication and preserves relationships.

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7. Conclusion and Takeaways

In wrapping up, Lindsay and Michelle summarize the key points about using "I don't care":

• Use It Sparingly:
  Only use "I don't care" when you're emotionally detached or when the topic is insignificant.

• Choose Alternatives When Necessary:
  Opt for phrases like "I'm good either way" or "It's all good" to express neutrality without offending others.

• Maintain Connections:
  Remember that communication is about building and maintaining relationships. Being thoughtful in your word choice can enhance your interactions.

Final Takeaway:
"I don't care" can be useful in certain contexts, but it's generally better to use more considerate alternatives to avoid appearing rude or indifferent, especially in personal and professional relationships.

Quote:
Michelle Kaplan [16:57]: "Takeaway is 'I don't care' can be useful, but it's not really the greatest choice in general. However, if you're going to use it, make sure you're removed from the situation."

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This episode provides valuable insights into the subtleties of English expressions, helping ESL learners navigate social interactions with greater confidence and cultural awareness.

Transcript

[Lindsay McMahon]

This is an All Ears English podcast. Should you say I don't care? Welcome to the All Ears English podcast. Downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl. Coming to you from Colorado and New York City, usa. To get real time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the Allears English app for iOS and Android. Start your seven day free trial at allearsenglish.com app.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Today we answer a listener question. Sometimes you might hear native speakers. Use the phra I don't care. Should you use this today? Get our opinion on the situations where it's okay and the many times you should avoid it.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Hey, listeners, Lindsay, here on this show, we believe in connection, not perfection. But to connect, you need to know your level so that you can improve. Take our free quiz that tells you your English level now and how you can reach the next level. Check it [e-mail] fluencyscore that's allearsenglish.com flute n c y S C O R.

[Michelle Kaplan]

E hi, Lindsay, how are you?

[Lindsay McMahon]

I'm fantastic, Michelle. How's it going? Today is a Saturday, so feeling great. Feeling great.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. Guys, we hope you are enjoying listening on your Saturday. Maybe you're about to go to brunch. Maybe you're just. Maybe you're still in bed. Maybe you're sitting in your slippers and your PJs on the couch and drinking a coffee. That's how I like to imagine it. That's what I would be doing.

[Lindsay McMahon]

That's what I like to do on Saturday mornings. I like to get up, eat breakfast, get a coffee and then like read a magazine or something or read a book on the couch. So nice.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. So, Lindsay, I have a question though. Do you think I don't care is a rude thing to say.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, I think 8 out of 10 times the answer is yes.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes.

[Michelle Kaplan]

That's my opinion.

[Lindsay McMahon]

But we're going to see today with the context, we're going to build a little bit and answer a great listener question. Right, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. This is a good one. I'm excited for this episode. So guys, remember to hit follow wherever you are. Listening to All Ears English so you never miss anything from us. We are, you know, coming out with episodes all the time. We do bonus episodes and just make it easy. Have them come to you.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, we do this for you guys. You know, our philosophy here is connection, not perfection. And that means we're going to show you how to. How to create human connection in any situation, even if you're making mistakes. It's okay. All right, so if you believe in human connection when it comes to speaking English, go ahead and hit that follow button. All right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Absolutely. All right. Lindsay, would you like to read the question? This is from YouTube.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I would love to. Here we go. This is from Leon C. They say, hi, guys. Thank you for all your amazing episodes. I have a question about. I don't care. Because of my personality, I avoid saying it and I use other words, but I do hear Native American English speakers using it sometimes. Can you please explain when and how to use it? Fantastic question.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, this is. This is a good question. I had to think about this one. So, I mean, Lindsay, you kind of already expressed. Your immediate reaction is so. It. Eight times out of ten, rude. That's what you think?

[Lindsay McMahon]

I. I kind of think so. But I'm interested to see the examples we build out today. I'm going to reserve my opinion, but when I just. As a gut reaction. Yeah. I don't. I try to avoid this. It feels a little abrupt, I think.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Okay. Yes. So it definitely depends about. On the context. So we're going to go through it, Lindsay, and hopefully that'll help you decide more of your opinion. But I think you're. I think we're pretty much in agreement. So let's talk about first why we think Leon is asking this question. So if you use this when you're talking about something you should care about, it can be extremely rude. And that's what I think the key is here. So if it's something you should care about and you say, I don't care, that is very, very rude. If it doesn't matter, it's probably okay.

[Lindsay McMahon]

So it's probably okay. I. I think it's probably okay, but I would still say it's annoying for people to hear. Like, when it comes to choosing.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

The first example we have, choosing where to have dinner, it's better to have an opinion. Maybe that's a different topic for another day. But when you say, oh, where do you want to have dinner? Oh, I don't care. I've tried to get away from this lately, you know, by either having an opinion or just, I don't know. The I don't care kind of feels a little too blase, a little too, like, actually don't care. But. But you. You do care, because you Want to go out for dinner with your friend? You want to have a nice experience, right? Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. No, I. I agree. Yeah. So if you say, oh, they give you two options, you say, I don't care. They both sound great. It's probably okay. So I, I've. I've separated these into probably okay and not okay.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

So notice I don't have a category for a great awesome time to use.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It, and at the end of the episode, we'll give you some better alternatives. For some reason, I just feel like the, the phrase I don.

[Michelle Kaplan]

It.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I don't know, it just. It's. It's. It is okay in this scenario, right? What we're going to share, but just feels a little indifferent expressing indifference in a more negative way, if that makes sense.

[Michelle Kaplan]

So what about in this example? Okay, so let's say somebody made a mistake and they think you're gonna be angry about it. Oh, yeah. So this is an interesting one where it might be. Okay, so for example, your friend was getting your groceries and they picked up the wrong brand of pretzels. They were doing you a favor, and then you know it's the wrong brand. So they said, say, oh, I'm so sorry. You might say, oh, yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, I don't care. The brand totally doesn't matter to me. Oh, yeah, that's great. So, yeah, so there is a use for it when you're kind of appeasing someone in a sense.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right. You're saying it's kind of like saying, oh, it's okay, it doesn't matter. Right, Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Because you're literally saying, it doesn't matter. So that's the right time to express that you don't care. Right? Not. Not as much. When it's like choosing a restaurant where, well, you don't care, then why are we even going out?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right? Why don't we all just sit here? Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Y.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Or what about this? When you're removed from something so it's not so much in your life, but maybe you're commenting on something. So commenting on something in the news, something that doesn't make a difference for you. So, for example, I just can't stand watching cable news anymore. I don't care about their opinions. I just want the real news.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes. No, that's perfect. That is totally okay. That's how I've been feeling lately about cnn. I actually haven't turned on CNN since the election, believe it or not.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Wow.

[Lindsay McMahon]

With all the talking heads, how was so intense leading up to the election? And they would have random people on like podcasters. Not even an investigative journalist, just people that are. Hey, let me tell you my opinion. That's how that would be the perfect scenario to say this. I don't care about what these people think. I want the real news. Tell me what's going on in my local community.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right, right. Exactly. And I think, like I said, I think that this is okay to use because you're removed. This is not. You're not gonna offend those people. You're not, you're. It's like you're. It's like another degree of separation. It's just, it's okay.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. You're not, it's not like you're in front of them. If you're in front of them, you obviously, if you're on that show.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You don't want to say, I don't care what you think because you're then engaged and you're right next to them and you're having an exchange. It's a. It's kind of about how removed are you from this thing? Or is it actually better to maintain the relationship? Like in the example of the pretzels. You want to make that person feel okay, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, exactly.

[Lindsay McMahon]

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[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah, it is. There are times where it is okay. But then when you are maybe making a decision, it's. It's really this. Let's go. Well, let's go over what's not. Okay. So anything you should care about. So I really think that this is how we can kind of put these things in buckets, really. Should you care about it? Right. And. Or, or not. Right. If, if. And also, you know, how far are you from this situation? So, example, a fight with a partner or a friend.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

If you say, I don't care and you're in a fight.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Oh, not good. Not good.

[Michelle Kaplan]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Lindsay McMahon]

That's very personal.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Right.

[Lindsay McMahon]

The person's going to take it personally, as they should.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You're indicating maybe you don't care about the relationship ultimately, even if that's not what you're talking about, you are kind of saying that in a way. Yeah. Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Or in. What about with a work relationship, Lindsay?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah, for sure. So if your co worker asks you if you could help her with something, maybe they're strained for time, you could say something. If you say, yeah, I don't care. I can't help you with that.

[Michelle Kaplan]

No, no, no, we're not gonna do that.

[Lindsay McMahon]

That would be a really bad. A really quick way to make enemies at work. Right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. So other situations, if you are close to that situation and you say, I don't care, that is going to reflect negatively on you. I mean, we could do many other situations. We could do more episodes on this. But you know that. I think that's what it comes down to is don't, don't just. It's a no, no. If you're, if you're too close. If you're close to the situation.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. So I think, I mean, as we're saying, it's not that you never use it, but it's. You're very selective. Right. We're very smart about how we're using it. Now there are situations like when you're scolding your teenager or your. Your child. Right. For example, I don't care that your friends all stayed out past curfew. You know the rules. This is coming for you, Michelle.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Lindsay, did you have a curfew growing up? I think we maybe talked about this one.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I think I did. I think I did. I feel like I remember 11pm at one point was my curfew, but I. I really didn't. I don't know. I wasn't crazy and wild in high school, so, you know, I wouldn't really stay up as curfew I never really had an issue.

[Michelle Kaplan]

So what are some other things you could say if you don't want to say? I don't care because of all the we just said.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

What else could you say?

[Lindsay McMahon]

These are much better choices for our listeners today. Doesn't matter to me. All right. We can go at 7 or 8. Doesn't matter. Matter to me. So it's okay to express that you're open and that you don't have an exact plan of exactly where you're going to go all the time for dinner, but say something different rather than I don't care. Right.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Or you could say, it's all good. So it's all good. I know you're running late. Take your time. Right. So if in that one where you're trying to appease someone or make someone feel better about something, instead saying, oh, I don't care. Right. If you just want another option, you could say, oh, it's all good.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I like that one. I use that sometimes for sure. Yeah. What's. What's another one? Is there something else?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes, it's fine either way. Or you could say, I'm good either way. So both places sound nice. I'm good either way.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes, yes. And I love that. So just better. Again, okay. To be indifferent, I still recommend having an idea of where you want to go. Let's say for the dinner choice or just having opinions about things in general. It just makes you kind of a more interesting person. But these are better alternatives instead of I don't care for sure.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Yes, exactly, exactly. So in general, if you should care, don't say, I don't care. If you're saying I don't care about options presented to you, also consider that same rule. Try to make the decisions and just don't show apathy unless it's expected.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes, I love that. I practice having opinions, you know, experience different. I always use the example of the restaurant, but have an opinion on different kinds of food. What food do you like? Do you like Thai food? Do you like Indian food? Where do you want to go? You know, what kind of food do you enjoy? Then you just become more interesting and can bring your friends to experience new things too, right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yep, absolutely. So we also want to. Before we get into a role play, we want to say thank you so much to our reviewers. Yes.

[Lindsay McMahon]

A special thank you to Marie from Japan. And by the way, in Marie's review, she asked a great question. Question. And that question is going to make it right over to our list of amazing questions. And if It's a great one. We're going to answer it on the show. So that is one great way to get your question over to us. Go ahead and write it in your review, right, Michelle?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And a special thank you to Molly Zhu as well. All right, thank you, guys. Leave your review for Allers English to let us know what you think about the show, and we'll try to announce your name out loud.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Crowd.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay.

[Michelle Kaplan]

All right, thanks, guys. Let's do a role play. So here we are, friends, and we are deciding on how to get to the airport.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, here we go. So should we Uber or drive?

[Michelle Kaplan]

What?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Uber or drive?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, I don't care.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Michelle, I feel like I'm the one doing all the planning here. Can you help me out a little?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, really, though, I'm good either way. Maybe Uber.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Okay, thank you.

[Michelle Kaplan]

I'm sorry about that.

[Lindsay McMahon]

It's all good. Oh, things are not getting off to a good start before we. Before we leave on our trip here.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yes. And on a trip, you have to make a lot of decisions, so I gotta. I hope I'm not like this the whole time.

[Lindsay McMahon]

I think we've. We've said before that we would not travel well together because both our partners are the planners for the trips. Isn't that right?

[Michelle Kaplan]

You. Well, you and I would. We would be, like, sitting in a coffee shop, like, the whole day, probably.

[Lindsay McMahon]

In the airport, and never even get on the plane. Ah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, let's break this down here, Michelle. So I said, uber or drive? So I'm breaking down my question to make it simple, right? To get your attention.

[Michelle Kaplan]

And you say, oh, I don't care.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. And then I said, hey, Michelle, I'm doing all the planning. Can you help me out here? And you said, oh, I'm sorry.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Really, though, I'm good either way. And then I do try, and I say, maybe Uber.

[Lindsay McMahon]

And then you. And then I. You said, thank you. And you said, I'm sorry about that. And I said, it's all good. So we're, you know, making amends at the start of our trip here. So we'll see how the rest of the trip goes, Right? Love it.

[Michelle Kaplan]

That's right. That's right. All right. So, Lindsay, what's another episode our listeners can go check out?

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yeah. 23:53 Just a few days ago is a great one to check out how to call people out on their quirks. And a quirk is. What is a quirk? Michelle, we talked about it. But just a quick revision here. Yeah.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Something they do frequently that's a little bit unique or funny.

[Lindsay McMahon]

You got it. Exactly. So go check that one out. 23:53. And what's our takeaway for today?

[Michelle Kaplan]

Takeaway is not it. I don't care. It can be useful, but it's. It's not really the greatest choice in general. However, if you're going to use it, make sure you're removed from the situation. Oh, I don't care about celebrity gossip. I don't care about this, about this show. I don't, you know it, things like that. But not something related to your life because that's going to break the connection and make you sound like a pretty negative or indecisive person.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Yes. Or using it. The other highlight, the situation that we highlighted is if you're trying to maintain if it's actually useful to maintain the connection. If someone made a mistake and you want to make it clear that it doesn't matter to you, this would be the other scenario where it would be strategic to use I don't care all the other scenarios we would avoid. All right, so that is the answer for our listener today. Awesome.

[Michelle Kaplan]

All right, well, this was a great question. Thank you so much to our listener for asking it. Thank you to our reviewers. And guys, thank you for listening.

[Lindsay McMahon]

All right, Michelle, I'll see you soon. Have a good one.

[Michelle Kaplan]

Bye. You too. Bye.

[Lindsay McMahon]

Thanks for listening to all ears. English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com fluencyscore and if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.

[C]

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