Podcast Summary: All Of It — “A Scandalous Gilded Age Divorce (Women Behaving Badly)”

Host: Alison Stewart
Guest: Barbara Weisberg, author of Strong: A Scandalous Divorce in Old New York
Date: July 24, 2024

Overview

This episode delves into the sensational true story of a 19th-century New York divorce that scandalized high society—the breakup of Mary Stevens and Peter Remsen Strong. Host Alison Stewart interviews Barbara Weisberg, whose book unpacks love, betrayal, societal expectations, and the status of women in the Gilded Age, all through the lens of this headline-grabbing case. This installment is part of the show's "Women Behaving Badly" series, a tongue-in-cheek exploration of unruly women in New York City history.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Origin of the Story (01:52–04:03)

• Weisberg discovered the story while researching 19th-century New York in George Templeton Strong's 40-year diary. George was Peter Strong's cousin.
  • Quote: “And this story just fascinated me. And I kept on researching it in bits and pieces through the years.” (01:54–02:40)
• Research was hampered by the pandemic, but diligent library and archival work led her to original divorce documents.
  • Quote: “Librarians are wonderful.” (04:03)

Mary and Peter: The Couple & Their World (04:22–07:03)

• Mary (19) and Peter (29), both from elite New York families, met in 1852 and were considered a perfect match, both lively and well-educated.
  • Quote: “Peter fell desperately in love with her when he met her.” (04:22)
• New York City was much smaller then, with “on every street… a school, a church and a brothel.” (05:03–05:59)
• Mary’s transition from an urban lifestyle to the family’s rural Queens estate after marriage was a jarring shift, contributing to marital strain.
  • Peter was a “social butterfly” away in Manhattan, while Mary was a more serious, religious mother, increasingly isolated at home. (07:03–09:06)

The Scandal: Infidelity & Confession (09:06–13:08)

• Mary’s affair with Peter’s younger brother Edward was revealed after the couple lost a child; Edward was seen as a “paragon of virtue”—a church deacon, godfather, and Union army volunteer. (09:41–10:51)
• Two dueling narratives emerged:
  • Peter’s family claimed Mary seduced Edward.
  • Mary’s family argued Edward pressured and possibly assaulted her.
  • Quote: “Women in Victorian America are supposed to be genteel and…well behaved, not badly behaved. Oh, no, no, no, no.” (11:00)
  • Mary's feelings were “tremendous guilt and tremendous ambivalence,” though at times she felt “comfortable in the affair.” (11:00–13:08)

Divorce in Gilded Age New York (13:08–16:04)

• Divorce was rare and stigmatized. New York law required proof of adultery (and only adultery); other causes like cruelty or desertion didn’t count.
  • Quote: “To sue for divorce means you’re basically advertising infidelity… particularly the snooty upper class, who again, have this reputation to uphold.” (13:15–15:10)
• Women in divorce suffered greatly: often lost custody and faced financial ruin. Fathers were favored for custody.

Mary’s Dilemma: Motherhood & Escape (15:10–16:04)

• Fearing Peter would gain full custody, Mary “ran away with the middle daughter, Allie…about five at the time.” (15:16–16:04)
• Mary had already lost her baby daughter and had restricted access to her eldest.

Abortion’s Role and Social Context (16:04–19:52)

• Abortion initially was widely accepted pre-quickening; after, it became illegal, and attitudes hardened as male doctors replaced midwives.
  • Quote: “It’s a class situation… married and wealthy women were looking to have abortions, and this would never do…” (16:33–19:00)
• The Strongs’ alleged abortion: There is no definitive evidence, but circumstantial factors (like Peter’s connection to the abortionist) made Weisberg suspicious of a payoff.
  • Quote: “My instinct is that it was awfully convenient that this abortionist actually was a tenant of Peter’s…” (19:06–19:52)

Why the Public Was Fascinated (21:00–22:17)

• Amidst the backdrop of Civil War horrors, the upper-crust scandal offered a welcome distraction and titillating gossip. (21:00)
  • Quote: “Unlike now… the upper class was very private… So the fact that this divorce broadcast this bad behavior… was very unusual and thrilling.” (21:00–22:17)

The Trial and Deadlock (22:17–26:26)

• Much of the testimony came from household staff—the governess provided the most interesting, if unreliable, perspective.
  • Under cross-examination, her certainty about Mary’s actions dissolved.
  • Quote: “She tells some stories… but under cross examination… Well, the lights weren’t very bright, so I’m really not sure.” (22:33–24:17)
• The jury was deadlocked partly due to New York's peculiar law: if both parties were found to have committed adultery, neither could divorce.
  • Quote: “New York state law insisted that these two adulterers had to remain married.” (24:47)

Aftermath: Life Beyond Scandal (26:26–28:49)

• Mary went into self-imposed exile in Paris with Allie (her middle daughter); she was socially ostracized.
• Eventually, Mary and Peter obtained a private divorce settlement, splitting custody.
• Peter could remarry, but as the “guilty party,” Mary couldn’t—until Peter died. Later, Mary remarried a French aristocrat and enjoyed relative happiness.
  • Quote: “She is so transgressive in so many ways, but her life winds up kind of almost as proper as it started out.” (26:35–28:49)

Literary Legacy: A Link to Edith Wharton (28:49–31:30)

• Mary was Edith Wharton’s cousin (first cousin once removed). Weisberg found no proof Wharton used Mary’s story directly in her novels, but the thematic links are striking.
• Notably, a painting central to Mary’s trial appears in one of Wharton’s later novels, signaling possible subconscious inspiration.
  • Quote: “Goosebumps.” — Alison Stewart (31:27)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Librarians are wonderful.” – Barbara Weisberg (04:03)
• “Women in Victorian America are supposed to be genteel and…well behaved, not badly behaved. Oh, no, no, no, no.” – Barbara Weisberg (11:00)
• “To sue for divorce means you’re basically advertising infidelity… particularly the snooty upper class, who again, have this reputation to uphold.” – Barbara Weisberg (13:15)
• “New York state law insisted that these two adulterers had to remain married.” – Barbara Weisberg (24:47)
• “She is so transgressive in so many ways, but her life winds up kind of almost as proper as it started out.” – Barbara Weisberg (28:49)
• "Goosebumps." – Alison Stewart (31:27), responding to the Wharton connection.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:54] Discovery of the Strong divorce story
• [04:22] Mary and Peter’s courtship, social background
• [07:03] Marital friction post-honeymoon; family compound in Queens
• [09:41] Edward Strong’s reputation and role
• [11:00] Competing narratives of the affair
• [13:15] Divorce laws and societal consequences
• [15:16] Mary fleeing with daughter Allie
• [16:33] Abortion in 19th-century New York
• [19:06] Research about whether Mary had an abortion
• [21:00] Why the public was riveted by the trial
• [22:33] Key witness analysis (the governess)
• [24:47] The jury deadlock and bizarre divorce law
• [26:35] Mary’s life after exile and the eventual settlement
• [28:54] Connection to Edith Wharton and cultural echoes

Conclusion

The story of Mary and Peter Strong’s scandalous Gilded Age divorce offers a vivid window into gender, class, law, and taboo in 19th-century New York. Through deft storytelling and keen historical analysis, Barbara Weisberg and Alison Stewart illuminate the stakes and struggles of a woman whose life veered between conformity and rebellion—leaving lasting ripples in literary and social history.