Podcast Summary: All Of It – DOC NYC: 'Mistress Dispeller'

Host: Alison Stewart (WNYC)
Guest: Elizabeth Lo (Director, 'Mistress Dispeller')
Date: November 14, 2025
Episode Theme:
A deep dive into the documentary Mistress Dispeller, a film featured at DOC NYC that explores the growing industry in China where professionals are hired to covertly end extramarital affairs. The conversation covers the social, cultural, and personal layers of infidelity, family, and love in modern China.

Episode Overview

The episode focuses on the rise of "Mistress Dispellers" in China—individuals hired to end affairs without direct confrontation, and the making of the documentary Mistress Dispeller. Director Elizabeth Lo shares her process, ethical considerations, and what she learned about love, marriage, and empathy during three years of filming.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is a Mistress Dispeller? (03:57)

• A mistress dispeller operates by befriending those involved in an affair (spouse, mistress, cheating husband) and carefully persuading them to end their relationships—often by subtly influencing their emotions and decisions.
• This is a growing industry in China, where saving face and indirect problem-solving are culturally significant.

2. Origins and Popularity of the Industry (04:19)

• The mistress dispelling industry began in the last ten years, correlating with China’s rising wealth and the emergence of a new middle and upper class.
• As more men gained the financial means to support affairs, the demand for discreet solutions also grew—“a way to avoid direct confrontation within the family, so that everyone is able to save face and preserve their dignity” (04:11; Elizabeth Lo).

3. Director’s Perspective and Creative Vision (05:51)

• Elizabeth Lo wanted to explore modern Chinese love and family structures, inspired by traditional stories and films like Raise the Red Lantern.
• Meeting the real-life Mistress Dispeller, Teacher Wang, shifted her approach to focus on empathy toward all involved: “It could be through her work… an examination of what each person is going through within a marriage” (06:32; Elizabeth Lo).

4. Access & Ethical Approach (08:19)

• Finding Teacher Wang, a Mistress Dispeller willing to be filmed, was fortuitous. Teacher Wang's compassionate, therapeutic approach differed from other, more aggressive practitioners.
• Gaining full access to a case took three years—“We filmed with around six cases. It was only at the tail end… we were able to get access to film a case from beginning to end” (09:20; Elizabeth Lo).
• Ethical concerns addressed by allowing subjects to re-consent after discovering the true nature of the film: “We traveled back to China with a cut of the film to show each of them separately, sort of get their blessing for the film” (10:51; Elizabeth Lo).

5. On Portraying Subjects with Empathy (11:52, 12:26)

• A conscious editorial choice was to protect participants’ dignity: “Charlotte and I… really took it upon ourselves to protect them” (12:27; Elizabeth Lo).
• The film avoids judgment: only cases with “decent people” were included; more sensational candidates were omitted to keep the film respectful and nuanced (13:33).

6. The Wife’s Story and Emotional Labor (14:17)

• The client—a wife—discovered the affair via a text. She chose not to confront her husband directly, exemplifying enormous emotional labor and self-restraint: “She’s also the one who has to repress her emotions, bite her tongue to save her family so that he doesn’t feel threatened and is driven away” (17:02; Elizabeth Lo).
• A poignant opening scene: the wife gets a haircut and cries—filmed on her very first day (16:37).

7. How and Why Men Confide in Teacher Wang (17:33)

• Men in the film are quick to open up to Teacher Wang, who positions herself as a trusted yet neutral outsider—filling an emotional void: “When this woman enters... she’s simply there to help you through what you’re confused about in your family. He very willingly unloads on her” (18:02).

8. Navigating Chinese Social and Political Concerns (19:17)

• Participants worried more about national image and legal risks than personal drama. Contracts were signed agreeing not to portray China negatively: “I was perfectly comfortable signing that… I felt like a love story... would hopefully be a bridge between audiences everywhere around the world” (19:36; Elizabeth Lo).
• Film will not be publicly released in China—a safeguard for subjects and crew.

9. Aftermath for Participants (21:16)

• The couple profiled are still together; the mistress, “Fei Fei,” has moved on: “As far as we know, Mr. and Mrs. Lee are still married. And Fei Fei... is living her life as she was, but without Mr. Lee” (21:21).

10. Impact on the Director’s Perspective (21:43)

• The project changed Elizabeth Lo’s views on love and relationships: “At the heart of it, people have a great desire for connection and love. It’s just there’s larger societal forces that get in the way” (22:10).
• Key lesson from Teacher Wang: building self-worth and understanding priorities is crucial for navigating love and relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“As wealth has accumulated, men have also sort of, you know, accumulated wealth enough to be able to sustain having multiple women in their lives... And now there’s demand by wives to reassert fidelity... by hiring a mistress dispeller.”
— Elizabeth Lo (04:28)

“It could be through her work, disentangling this love triangle, an examination of what each person is going through within a marriage, and to have curiosity for what a man is going through as he’s at this fork in the road...”
— Elizabeth Lo (06:32)

“Our goal was to tell a different kind of story... I wanted to build a film around decent people. There were other cases... that felt so alienating and inexplicable that there was no way I wanted to build a film around them, even if they lent to more juicy and salacious material.”
— Elizabeth Lo (13:33)

“She’s also the one who has to repress her emotions, bite her tongue to save her family so that he doesn’t feel threatened and is driven away.”
— Elizabeth Lo (17:02)

“At the heart of it, people have a great desire for connection and love. It’s just there’s larger societal forces that get in the way... It takes work, a lot of work.”
— Elizabeth Lo (22:10)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Spotlighting DOC NYC and Mistress Dispeller: 03:57–04:19
• Cultural context of infidelity and Mistress Dispelling: 04:19–05:44
• Film’s creative journey and empathy for all sides: 05:51–07:54
• Finding Teacher Wang and ethical dilemmas: 08:19–11:50
• Challenges of documentary filmmaking & protecting participants: 11:52–14:11
• The wife’s experience and emotional burden: 14:17–17:33
• How the mistress dispeller gains confidences: 17:33–19:17
• Chinese social & legal sensitivities: 19:17–21:16
• Post-script on the lives of participants and director’s insights: 21:16–23:16

Tone & Style

The discussion is thoughtful, nuanced, and empathetic—avoiding sensationalism in favor of humanizing all parties in complex marital situations. Elizabeth Lo and Alison Stewart maintain a warm, reflective atmosphere, inviting listeners to reconsider assumptions about love, fidelity, and cultural norms.

For more, listen to the episode or explore “Mistress Dispeller” at DOC NYC and at the IFC Center.