Podcast Summary: "Gen X Rocker's New Memoir"

All Of It with Alison Stewart – WNYC
Date: March 17, 2026
Guest: Melissa Auf der Maur (musician, author of Even the Good Girls Will Cry)
Host: Alison Stewart

Episode Overview

In this episode, Alison Stewart welcomes musician and author Melissa Auf der Maur, best known for her work as bassist with Hole and The Smashing Pumpkins, to discuss her new memoir, Even the Good Girls Will Cry. The conversation delves into Auf der Maur's journey from a music-obsessed Montreal teenager to a central figure in the 1990s alternative rock movement, her complex partnership with Courtney Love, the dynamics and loss within the band, creative fulfillment, the challenging glare of fame, her solo path, and the spiritual guidance that underpinned her choices.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Melissa's Early Musical Journey

• Why the Bass?
  • The bass as the “mother of all instruments”—felt rather than seen.
  • "She is the one that you don't notice until she's gone... the bass is the glue." (Melissa, 02:56)
  • Auf der Maur’s background as a self-described ‘wallflower’ who found entry to the stage via the bass.
• Family Influence:
  • Both parents were public broadcasters; her mother hosted influential radio shows and interviewed music icons.
  • Early exposure to eclectic record collections and the inner workings of radio.
  • Inspiration came from watching her mother “obsess over the voices of her generation.” (Melissa, 04:02)
• Finding Community:
  • First sensed belonging at age 14 on a goth club dance floor in Montreal.
  • Worked as a club ticket girl and cassette DJ, crafting the atmosphere for nights out.
  • “I realized that I could control the music, vibration, and mood of an evening.” (Melissa, 05:17)

Joining Hole: Decisions and Dynamics

• Initial Reluctance:
  • Declined the offer to join Hole at first, focused on photography and her own band.
  • Approached the opportunity out of compassion and a sense of purpose: “I joined for women, not for music, not for my career. I had this like flash of: this is my way to participate in bringing new female stories to the male-dominated landscape.” (Melissa, 07:37)
  • The context: hole was in upheaval—recent tragedies, trauma, and instability.
• Female Solidarity vs. Fame:
  • Saw the band as women in need—her motivation was sisterhood and lifting up female voices, contrasting with her mother's role as a female journalist covering male musicians.

The Dynamic with Courtney Love

• Public vs. Private Personas:
  • Melissa read an excerpt describing herself as the “good girl to [Courtney’s] bad girl…the calm to her chaos” and affirmed the relationship dynamic was the same on and off stage:
    • “Absolutely. And it still is today. It’s deeper and better and sweeter now.” (Melissa, 12:40)
  • Explores the archetypes of rock as modern mythology: “These archetypes are no different than Thor and Persephone…We’re just replaying mythology.” (Melissa, 13:03)
• Memorable Moment — MTV Awards:
  • On witnessing Courtney crash Madonna’s interview and choosing not to intervene:
    • “You can’t actually control a tornado, but you can be conscious of it happening. But you have to choose your direction for self-preservation.” (Melissa, 14:48)

Creativity, Loss, and Disengagement

• Contributing to Celebrity Skin:
  • Music clip: "Use Once and Destroy" [16:17].
  • On finally having space for her creative voice:
    • “I always wanted to play that bass and drum heavy, primitive, primal. That’s my thing.” (Melissa, 16:18)
  • Harmonizing with Courtney’s growl created the ‘good girl/bad girl’ sonic dynamic.
• Cost of Success:
  • Disillusionment as the band became ‘glossy’ and ‘corporate’; grappling with the sense of having “sold out.”
  • Losing close friend and drummer Patty to drugs; father’s death during the same era.
  • “It was hard for me. I loved my musical contributions, but I was very disengaged…we all lost our way.” (Melissa, 16:39, 18:13)
• Looking Back:
  • Memoir focuses on 1991–2001: “the chunk I have focused on in my 90s rock memoir.” (Melissa, 18:53)

Fame, Legacy, and Solo Work

• Relationship with Fame:
  • “I was like too cool for school of course. And I also went running from it...” (Melissa, 19:15)
  • Gave heads up to everyone included in memoir—not seeking fame or fortune, but self-realization for herself and her daughter.
• Solo Independence:
  • Played her solo track “Fall the Waves” [20:16].
  • On solo career:
    • “Plan my own day, do everything my way…Freedom is all I’ve ever wanted since the 90s. And that’s what I got with those solo records.” (Melissa, 21:38)
    • Emphasized the challenge and pride in fronting a band while playing bass.
    • Only in her 50s does she fully feel “autonomously myself.” (Melissa, 22:53)

Spiritual Threads and Higher Purpose

• Dreams and Destiny:
  • Spirituality is a major, though often ‘esoteric,’ thread in the memoir.
  • Guiding dreams from adolescence convinced her music was the path to “maximum contact with humans.”
  • “I always felt that it was way beyond me and my tiny life that was at work…That was a very strange and unique destiny that was not accidental.” (Melissa, 22:55–24:45)
  • Sought to weave these spiritual revelations into the narrative without alienating skeptical readers.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “She is the one that you don't notice until she's gone…everyone knows the bass is the glue.”
  — Melissa Auf der Maur on the importance of bass (02:56)

• “I joined for women, not for music, not for my career…I had this like flash of: this is my way to participate in bringing new female stories to the male-dominated landscape.”
  — Melissa Auf der Maur, joining Hole (07:37)

• “It was as simple as: I am entering a new dimension. A David Lynch looking glass. I’m Alice in Wonderland. There is no logic here anymore.”
  — Melissa, on her first performance with Hole, thrown into fame (10:42)

• “Was the relationship, like, on stage the same as it was offstage?”
  — Alison Stewart
  “Absolutely. And it still is today. It’s deeper and better and sweeter now.”
  — Melissa Auf der Maur (12:36–12:40)

• “You can’t actually control a tornado, but you can be conscious of it happening. But you have to choose your direction for self-preservation.”
  — Melissa, on refusing to intervene in a chaotic public moment (14:48)

• “Freedom is all I’ve ever wanted since the 90s. And that’s what I got with those solo records…It’s taken me quite a while to just step into my own light. And I feel like here I am a quarter century later and really it’s only now that I’ve arrived in my 50s and I feel like autonomously myself.”
  — Melissa Auf der Maur on solo artistry and personal growth (21:38, 22:53)

• “I always felt that it was way beyond me and my tiny life that was at work…That was a very strange and unique destiny that was not accidental.”
  — Melissa Auf der Maur reflecting on spiritual forces in her career (24:45)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:56] – Melissa on why she chose the bass guitar.
• [05:17] – How she discovered her ‘people’ in the Montreal music scene.
• [07:37] – On initially saying “no” to Hole, and her motivation for joining the band.
• [10:42] – Thrown into fame: first performance with Hole.
• [12:36] – On her on-and-off stage dynamic with Courtney Love.
• [14:48] – Navigating chaos: the MTV Awards incident.
• [16:17] – Listening to “Use Once and Destroy”; bass as creative voice.
• [18:53] – Disillusionment with the ‘machine’ and corporate music.
• [19:15] – Relationship to fame; purpose in writing the memoir.
• [21:38] – The personal and creative freedom of solo work.
• [22:55] – Spiritual guidance and the unseen forces shaping her musical path.

Conclusion

A reflective, spirited conversation rich in personal detail, this episode offers not just an inside look at the tumultuous world of 90s alternative rock, but also a nuanced exploration of female solidarity, creative self-actualization, and the unseen currents—personal, cultural, and spiritual—that guide an artist’s journey. Melissa Auf der Maur’s memoir emerges as both a history lesson and an invitation to consider the threads of chance, intent, and connection that move through all creative lives.