All Of It with Alison Stewart

Episode: How to Handle Professional Rejection

Date: February 11, 2026
Guest: Anna Holmes, writer, Atlantic contributor, founding editor of Jezebel
Host: Alison Stewart, WNYC

Overview

This episode delves into the uncomfortable but universal experience of professional rejection. Host Alison Stewart speaks with Anna Holmes—veteran writer and recent author of “The Upside of Professional Rejection” in The Atlantic—about how to reframe and productively respond to setbacks at work. The conversation combines Holmes’ personal journey, expert insights, and listener stories, exploring practical ways to use rejection as fuel for growth and resilience.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Reframing Rejection: From Roadblock to Opportunity

• Anna Holmes shares her motivation: She wants to see rejection not as a definitive “no,” but rather an obstacle or, as she said, a “speed bump as opposed to a car crash” (01:03).
• Holmes recounts a pivotal experience: pitching a personal and creative book to a collaborator who was unenthusiastic. Rather than seeing the tepid response as a dead end, she sought out a more enthusiastic partner and succeeded in moving forward (01:31).
• Insight: Rejection, especially in creative fields, can sting because the work feels personal; yet, Holmes notes, persistence can actually “light a fire under you” (02:17).

2. Personalizing vs. Objectifying Rejection

• Holmes distinguishes between failure and rejection:
  • Failure feels “much more objective” (“I either succeeded in something or I didn’t”), while rejection is often “one person’s opinion or maybe multiple people’s opinions” (04:56).
  • Rejection can generate a positive “chip on the shoulder” and motivate action, unlike failure, which can feel demoralizing (05:44).
• As careers progress, Holmes finds rejection can sting even more, because of increased self-belief and experience (03:17).

3. Cultural Framing: The American Attitude

• U.S. culture prizes “pulling oneself up by the bootstraps” and overcoming obstacles, but often overlooks systemic barriers and the complex reality behind success (06:54).
• Reference to Ronald Reagan’s “try and try again”—well-meaning, but not always realistic for everyone (06:57).

4. Listener Stories & Perspectives on Rejection

• Maria from Clifton, NJ: Views rejection as spiritual redirection—“if a door closes for me, then that opportunity wasn’t meant for me” (07:58).
  • Holmes appreciates the faith-based outlook and is inspired to integrate it into her own reframing (08:46).
• Mark from Westport, CT: Shares advice from a salesperson: “when you get rejected, it’s not personal. You simply asked on the wrong day.” He describes persevering for four years to get an art exhibition at the UN (10:38).
  • Holmes highlights persistence and the importance of timing, noting that sometimes an initial “no” means the world isn’t ready for your idea—yet (11:22).
• David (Brooklyn): Musicians and actors face frequent rejection, often hearing “no” 9 out of 10 times—coping requires resilience (15:04).
• William (Madison, NJ): Former college entrepreneurship professor, frames rejection as time-saving. “Rejection is a good thing because that means we’re not wasting time on something that’s not going anywhere” (15:48).

5. Self-Care, Discomfort, and Growth

• Holmes ties embracing discomfort into self-care: “Embracing rejection or feeling discomfort is part of self care… No risk, no reward,” paralleling the pain of exercise with the personal growth that results (19:01).
• “Reframing that sense of discomfort as growth… is a healthy way and a self care adjacent or related way of dealing with rejection” (19:56).

6. Rejection as Information and Clarification

• Several listeners text in, sharing tactics for handling rejection:
  • One quotes, “rejection is protection,” framing it as a safeguard from misfit opportunities (13:14).
  • Another keeps a “pile” or list of rejection letters to clarify thinking and chart progress (13:14).
• Holmes reiterates the value of treating rejection as data, not a personal attack: “See it as information that you can then use to your benefit… if you look at it as information, it can help set you up for success in the future” (14:02).

7. The Art of Giving (and Receiving) No

• Holmes stresses that being a good “rejecter” matters, too—delivering a “no” respectfully can become a growth moment for both sides (16:18, 21:47).
• She recalls writing a piece on “the power of saying no,” especially admiring women who do so against societal training to minimize or accept (16:57).

8. Learning When to Walk Away

• Sometimes, Holmes notes, “escalating our commitment to a failing course of action can dig a hole even deeper” (22:34).
• The wisdom of a well-timed “no” (whether given or received) may serve as guidance toward better-suited opportunities.

9. Spite and Resilience as Rejection Responses

• Holmes admits that sometimes she’s motivated by “spite” and wanting to “show someone up”—“it was light spite” (24:25–24:33).
• She relays a story about pitching a TV/film idea and being doubted, only to eventually succeed in getting her magazine piece published at her target publication: “Three years later it happened… it hasn’t been made into a movie, but maybe that’s next” (23:20–24:22).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Anna Holmes:

  • “I'm trying to lean in more to the idea that rejection can be an opportunity as opposed to an ending.” (01:03)
  • “Rejection could be…not just the speed bump… but kind of light a fire under you.” (02:17)
  • “When I get rejected in those cases, it almost stings more. That sounds kind of counterintuitive...” (03:37)
  • “Failure…feels much more objective…whereas a rejection feels much more subjective. It's one person's opinion…” (04:56)
  • “Rejection as being information—to take it as information, to not take it personally…” (14:02)
  • “Embracing rejection or feeling discomfort is part of self care. No risk, no reward.” (19:01)
  • “How we receive rejection is one thing and how we communicate it…is another, but also so related.” (21:47)

• Maria, Caller:

  • “If a door closes for me, then that opportunity wasn’t meant for me…” (07:58)

• Mark, Caller:

  • “When you get rejected, it’s not personal. You simply asked on the wrong day.” (10:38)

• Anonymous Text:

  • “Rejection is protection.” (13:14)

• Anna Holmes on “spite” as motivation:

  • “Yeah, I'd say it's spite a little bit. It was light spite, yes. But there's such a thing as too much spite.” (24:25–24:33)

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–01:03 — Introduction & setting the theme
• 01:03–02:29 — Anna’s personal reframing of rejection, book anecdote
• 02:29–03:54 — The personal sting of creative rejection, lifelong learning
• 04:56–06:40 — Distinguishing rejection vs. failure; subjective/objective
• 06:40–07:49 — How American culture frames rejection
• 07:49–12:36 — Listener calls: reframing, persistence, and timing
• 13:14–14:58 — Text messages: “rejection is protection;” rejection as information
• 15:04–16:12 — Musicians, actors, and entrepreneurs: resilience and time management
• 16:12–19:56 — Rejection vs. wasted time; the art of saying no; discomfort and self-care
• 20:02–21:47 — Waiting tables, being let go—sometimes rejection is kindness
• 23:03–24:40 — “I will outlast you”—spite and personal anecdotes of showing up doubters
• 24:40–end — Closing thoughts, gratitude, and conclusion

Summary

Anna Holmes, reflecting on her career, calls on professionals—especially creatives—not to treat “no” as the final word, but instead as useful, motivating, even clarifying feedback. U.S. culture may encourage us to “try, try again,” but Holmes notes that both the experience and delivery of rejection are nuanced, shaped by personality, profession, and context. Listening to stories from callers, Holmes and Stewart illuminate reframing strategies—from viewing rejection as redirection to finding motivation in “light spite” to treating all feedback as information. Ultimately, embracing the discomfort of rejection can foster growth, resilience, and, sometimes, entirely new directions.

For anyone grappling with professional rejection, this episode offers validation, creative coping strategies, and a sense of community—and reminds us that growth often comes precisely where we least want to encounter it.