It's Holiday Party Season! What Should You Bring?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "It's Holiday Party Season! What Should You Bring?"

Podcast: All Of It (WNYC)
Host: Tiffany Hansen (in for Alison Stewart)
Guest: Casey Elsass (Food Writer, Author of What Can I Bring? Recipes to Help You Live Your Guest Life)
Date: December 4, 2025

---

Overview

This episode dives into the festive chaos and joy of holiday gatherings, focusing on the often fraught question: What should you bring? Tiffany Hansen and food writer Casey Elsass explore party etiquette for guests and hosts, how to choose a signature dish, and practical, creative suggestions for what to contribute to seasonal celebrations. Listeners call in and text with stories and tips, making this a lively, relatable guide to surviving (and thriving at) holiday parties.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Upscaled Stakes of Holiday Parties

• Low-Key Competition:
  • "Feeding gathered loved ones is not a competition, but also maybe it is." – Tiffany Hansen [02:05]
  • Casey agrees: "We all want to have the best thing at the party... There is a low key competition." [02:22]
• Project Cooking:
  • Holidays justify more ambitious, time-intensive cooking projects, making it a moment to showcase something special. [02:51]

2. Host & Guest Etiquette: Balancing Responsibilities

• Expectations:
  • "There's an equal responsibility between host and guests. The host job is to set the expectation for the party and the guest job is to show up for that expectation." – Casey [03:38]
• Good Attitude First:
  • "Bring the cheer... a good attitude is always the number one thing." – Casey [03:34]
• Clear Communication:
  • If your dish requires on-site prep or oven time, always clear it with the host beforehand. "Just clear it so they know, because they're gonna be running a tight list..." [06:08]
• Stick to Assigned Categories:
  • If assigned to bring a salad, don’t show up with a dessert without discussing first. "I wouldn't say that's good guesting." – Casey [06:44]

3. Practical Tips for What (and How) to Bring

• Don’t Burden the Host:
  • "Your host is not your Williams Sonoma. You shouldn't be asking for a big bowl, tongs, any of those things." – Casey [04:58]
  • Bring a dish ready to serve. If necessary, add garnishes at the last minute—room temp is ideal.
  • Bring all your own utensils: "Pack everything you're gonna need." [05:33]
• Last Minute Guests:
  • The two items you can never have enough of: ice and alcohol. "If you have a last minute request, one of those two things are always going to be welcome." – Casey [09:02]
• Gifting the Host:
  • Gift cards for self-care (manicures, massages) or a local store are thoughtful and appreciated. [09:41]
  • Toilet paper as a surprisingly practical gift: “A guest gift that will never go to waste.” – Listener text [18:03]
• Dishes that Travel Well:
  • Go for dishes that maintain their integrity without refrigeration or reheating. “Things that are going to travel really well and will show up looking as beautiful as they did when they left your house.” – Casey [10:32]
• Disposable or Pay-It-Forward Containers:
  • “Bring it in either a disposable bowl or bring the bowl as a gift...this way, nobody has to remember to bring it home or come pick it up the next day and it's done with.” – Anne in Red Bank [21:24]

4. Signature Dishes: Why You Need One

• Definition & Value:
  • "Signature dish... feels very repeatable, that feels like a good reflection of who you are." – Casey [12:49]
  • Traditions: Many inherit signature dishes, keeping family memories alive through food. [12:59]
• How One Emerges:
  • Casey’s flourless chocolate olive oil cake became a signature by repeated request: "Friends started asking for it as the cake. ‘Can you bring the cake?’ That’s when you know." [13:25]
• Don’t Overcomplicate:
  • Sometimes simple is better and becomes beloved by repetition. [13:25]

5. Caller & Listener Contributions: Real-World Scenarios & Pet Peeves

• Potatoes as Party Heroes:
  • "5 or 10 pound bag of potatoes...bake them...bring them still hot. They’ll be good and people like it." – Joel in Forest Hills [14:52]
  • "Bring a container of some really good herby melted butter to pour over once I get there." – Casey [15:46]
• Avoiding Common Annoyances:
  • Don’t show up with food needing last-minute assembly or dishes outside your assignment.
  • Acknowledge hosts’ hard work—personalize your thanks and offers.

6. Navigating Dietary Needs and Drink Options

• Non-Alcoholic Options:
  • “More than seltzer, something fun.” – Casey [13:57]
  • Avoid making non-alcohol drinkers feel like an afterthought: “Stop giving people children's drinks.” – Listener text [14:14]
• Dietary Restrictions:
  • Notify hosts of any special diets well in advance to prevent last-minute complications. [18:19]

7. Holiday Flavors & Avoiding Overwhelm

• Citrus as (Surprisingly) Seasonal:
  • “A lot of people forget citrus is a winter fruit… those are great flavors.” – Casey [20:23]
  • Frozen fruit adds freshness when most dishes are “roasty carby kind of flavors.” [20:48]
• Balanced Palate:
  • Don’t overwhelm with just holiday spices—variety keeps things interesting. [20:14]

8. Handling Leftovers and Takeaways

• Tupperware Etiquette:
  • “I always insist they bring Tupperware… I do let everyone pick and choose. Even if I’m putting it in their container, I check with them.” – Casey [22:53]
  • Gallon Ziploc bags are a fallback solution. [23:41]

9. Signature Dishes and Recipe Ownership

• Recipe Copycats:
  • It's flattering when someone wants your recipe, but awkward when they start bringing your “signature” to the same events.
  • Casey suggests: “Probably the easiest way is just to text that person, give them a heads up, like, oh, I’m bringing this this weekend, just so you know.” [24:40]

10. Alcohol Gifting Dilemma

• To Open or Not to Open:
  • Some hosts treat a bottle as a gift for later; others open it immediately. As a guest, “just have to accept the situation you’re in and think of it as a gift for them to enjoy later on.” – Casey [25:56]

11. When the Host Wants Nothing

• "Just Bring Your Appetite":
  • Rachel in Westchester shares relief at being told nothing is needed, but some guests always bring a little something anyway (edible or otherwise).
  • “I personally cannot walk through someone’s door empty handed… I stick with edible gifts like hot fudge.” – Casey [27:26]

12. Graciousness Above All

• Politeness Matters:
  • If you don’t like a dish, keep it to yourself. “We grew up with a rule that we had to have a no thank you helping of anything on the table.” – Casey [28:19]
• Wonder Bread Moment:
  • "His name was Ed. We said, how about bread? So Ed showed up with a loaf of Wonder Bread." – Suzanne in Ridgewood [28:38]
  • “I think that was a very gracious handling of that.” – Casey [29:23]

13. Final Thoughts: Cookies and Comfort Zones

• Homemade or Store-Bought?
  • "Everybody has a different comfort level in the kitchen. I think it's more important that you're doing the act of showing up for somebody than what you're actually making for them." – Casey [30:09]

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Your host is not your Williams Sonoma." – Casey Elsass [04:58]
• "It's more important that you're doing the act of showing up for somebody than what you're actually making for them." – Casey Elsass [30:09]
• “Signature dish...feels like a good reflection of who you are.” – Casey Elsass [12:49]
• “A guest gift that will never go to waste.” – Listener on bringing toilet paper [18:03]
• "Bring ice. Ice keeps going and going all night." – Robert in New Jersey [10:58]
• "We all want to have the best thing at the party." – Casey Elsass [02:22]
• “Bring good manners.” – Listener text [28:01]

---

Key Timestamps

• 02:05 – Competition around holiday party dishes
• 03:34 – The right attitude as the ultimate guest contribution
• 04:58 – Don't expect host to supply utensils or kitchen space
• 06:08 – How to communicate prep needs and expectations
• 09:02 – Ice and alcohol: Last-minute, always-appreciated items
• 12:49 – What makes a signature dish
• 13:25 – Becoming famous for a go-to dish
• 14:52 – Call-in example: Baked potatoes as a party staple
• 20:23 – Using citrus and frozen fruit for seasonal freshness
• 22:53 – Tupperware and leftover etiquette
• 25:56 – What to do when your wine isn’t served
• 27:26 – When hosts request guests bring nothing
• 28:03 – "No thank you helping" as a gracious mealtime rule
• 28:38 – "Wonder Bread" story and handling awkward contributions
• 30:09 – The value of simply showing up, regardless of skill

---

Conclusion

This energetic, humorous, and practical episode provides a reassuring holiday guide for anxious guests and busy hosts alike. From signature dishes to the merits of bringing ice, and from leftover etiquette to how to graciously handle Wonder Bread, listeners are offered a toolkit for surviving—and bringing joy to—holiday gatherings. The recurring theme: generosity, good manners, and a little self-awareness are more valuable than any fancy flambe.

---

For further tips, recipes, or to re-listen, check out Casey Elsass’s book, "What Can I Bring? Recipes to Help You Live Your Guest Life."

Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

This is all of it. I'm Tiffany Hansen in for Alison Stewart. If you're looking for Allison, you can find her this evening at our get lit with all of it book club event. Allison will be in conversation with author Susan Choi at the New York Public Library at 6pm Tickets are sold out. If you do have one, though, remember, doors open at 5:30. Get there early to grab a good seat. And if you don't have a ticket, you can watch the live stream. Just head to wnyc.org getlit to learn how to log into that live Stream. Again, that's wnyc.org getlit as for today, we're talking with Sally Wainwright, the creator of the series Riot Women. We'll also talk with comedian and historian Tom Delgado. And New York Times cooking editor Becky Hughes joins us to talk about where to find the best cocktails in New York. And we want your suggestions as well. So that's the plan. Let's get started with figuring out what to bring to your holiday gatherings.

Well, Thanksgiving is behind us. Christmas, New Year's, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, whatever it is you celebrate, that's all coming up. Which means we are squarely in the middle of holiday party party season. Whether it's a holiday office potluck or a friends miss party or any other gathering, it's time to spread the joy. And what better way to do that than by feeding your loved ones? Casey Elsass is a food writer and most recently the author of the cookbook what Can I Bring Recipes to help you live your guest life. He's here to talk about what to think about answering that question. What can I bring to that holiday function? He also recently published a New York Times op ed about the value of having a signature dish, a dish that you almost become famous for in your circles. We'll talk about that, too. Casey, welcome back to all of it.

[C]

Hi. Thanks so much.

[B]

All right. You talked with Allison a couple of months ago and you mentioned something that I think is true. Most people sort of intellectually understand. But let's outline it again. You say that, you know, feeding gathered loved ones is not a competition, but also maybe it is.

[C]

Yeah. We all want to have the best thing at the party.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So there is a low key competition.

[B]

There is. But it's like a friendly, it's a friendly competition. All right. So is there, I guess my question now is we're talking about holiday gatherings in particular.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It feels like a lot is amped up around the holidays anyway.

[C]

It also feels Endless.

[B]

It also feels endless. Is that notion of competition friendly competition also amped up during this time, do you think?

[C]

I think in certain ways I think it's a good time for project cooking. This is the time of year I don't mind my oven being on and I don't mind spending some time in the kitchen. So if I'm going to make a dessert, I really want to make a beautiful dessert.

[B]

Let's just, I know we're going to spend a lot of time on what to do as a guest. I just want to like, quickly touch on hosts because I'm wondering, as we said, there's lots of different expectations about what we're willing to do. What, what is expected of us. What do you think hosts particularly expect during a holiday gathering in particular? Is it something different?

[C]

It depends on the event.

[B]

Bring the cheer.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, a good attitude is always the number one thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think there's an equal responsibility between host and guests. I think the host job is to set the expectation for the party and the guest job is to show up for that expectation of the party listeners.

[B]

We're talking with Casey Elsass about what to bring for your next holiday gathering. There's lots on the calendar. We know it and we'd love your suggestions. 212-433-9692. Do you have any thoughts about guest etiquette? Host etiquette for holiday parties? What should you bring? What shouldn't you bring? Let us know, call us, text us. 212-433-9692. You can also find us on all the social medias at all of it wnyc. So one thing that this is a personal rule. When I'm bringing something to a gathering, I, I choose not to bring something that requires assembly when I get there or it requires some kind of finishing. I feel like that really, it doesn't do the job of what the host was asking you, which is like take a thing off of my to do list and do it for me. I know there are plenty of people who are like, I have to finish the flambe thing and I've got my, you know, like whatever that little thing is that, you know, chars the top of it and I have to finish it in your oven that already has 15 things in it.

[C]

So thoughts don't do that. I think a good guest shows up not only with everything ready to go. I'm, I'm totally fine with packing garnishes separately. If you need to throw some herbs on top or you want a Crunchy nut to finish off the dish. But I think it should be room temperature. I don't think you should be expecting fridge space, oven space, burner space on top of that. Bring everything you're going to need. Your host is not your Williams Sonoma. You shouldn't be asking for a big bowl, tongs, and any of those things. Think I have.

[B]

Hey, I need a lemon squeezer, right? Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Pack everything you're going to need.

[B]

Yeah. All right. I know that some folks might be saying, yeah, but. Right. I have this thing that's maybe my signature dish, which we'll get to.

What is the etiquette about? Let's say you just. There's no two ways around it. You've got to do it. What's the etiquette around talking and communicating with your host about it? Like, do it ahead of time and say, just FYI, I've got this thing that is going to need to be, I don't know, popped in the oven for five minutes ahead of time.

[C]

Yeah. It's the easiest thing in the world. Just clear it so they know, because they're going to be running a tight list of things they need to do, so they can just factor your thing into their to do list for the day.

[B]

When a host asks you to bring something, I'm wondering how, like, how beholden are you to that? If I say to you, casey, I want you to bring a salad, and you show up with, I don't know, you know, some puffy thing. Appetizer.

What's the latitude you have when it. When a host asks you to bring something?

[C]

I think working within the category, it's up to you to be creative. But I don't think totally shifting gears when they're expecting something that's gonna fill in the puzzle pieces that they're trying to put together. I wouldn't say that's good guesting.

[B]

Can you. If you clear it with them first? Yeah, right.

[C]

For sure.

[B]

Just in where, you know, we're kind of in this vein of, like, talking about what hosts are asking of you. I. Sometimes when. When. When I'm hosting a gathering and people will say, you know, well, we'll bring something, we'll bring. What do you want us to bring? Sometimes my brain just is like, I don't know.

How do you sort of respect that from a host? And then how do you respond to it? What do you bring in that instance? Cause I know I'm, like, putting a lot of onus on somebody, like, hey, I'm doing a. As the Entree, whatever, right?

[C]

I mean, well, the biggest gift I gave myself was writing this cookbook because now I have all 75 things I know how to bring in one place. But I think this is where having a signature dish is a really powerful move because if you don't know what to bring, you have your go to thing that you can always bring to everything.

[B]

Casey, let's bring some callers into the conversation here. We're talking about holiday gatherings, what to bring, and some etiquette around that. Casey Elsass is a food writer and recently the author of a book called what Can I Bring? Recipes to help you live your guest life. How about Seth from Central Park? Hi, Seth.

[D]

Hey, how are you?

[B]

Good afternoon.

[A]

Yeah, hey.

[D]

So, Casey, I have a real, I have a question for you and it's a problem that always pops up in my family. I have a bunch of family members and friends often that, you know, they'll wait until the very, very last minute to ask what they can bring for the holiday. And it's sort of annoying at that point because you've already planned all the meal and everything's already prepared. And I'm just wondering what's a good suggestion for these, you know, Johnny, come latelys who want to be helpful but really aren't helpful. Like what category of food can you sort of never have enough of that? You can always suggest that they bring.

[B]

I like it. Thanks, Seth.

[C]

I think the two things that will deflate the party fastest is if you run out of ice and if you run out of alcohol. So if you have a last minute request, one of those two things are always going to be welcome.

[B]

Yeah, we have a couple of texts here too, Casey, that kind of fit into this category. Flowers. And this person says don't bring flowers that need a vase.

[C]

It's. That's such a controversial one. I love when people show up with flowers. I think it's so generous. I also think anything can be a vase.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so I'm always happy. I also think guests are always so eager for a job. So if you bring flowers in my house, I hand you a pair of scissors and a mug and you're off to work.

[B]

Right. Hosts and host. This is another text here. Host and hostesses can work so hard. I like to bring them a gift card for a mani pedi or for a store whose goods I know they'll like. Easy peasy. Also another thing like for those Johnny Clark.

[C]

That's fantastic.

[B]

Yeah, that's pretty good. Friends of mine, I like that person.

[C]

They go to parties and before they go to the party, they find a place nearby where they can get a foot massage afterwards, which I think is so cool. But getting your host a gift certificate for a foot massage would be even better.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I know you mentioned bring all the gear with you. There really is something about showing up and saying, do you have an emulsifier that I could borrow?

Is it better to just bring a dish that doesn't require those kinds of special tools?

[C]

Yeah, I think for your own sanity, just bring it down a level. Think of things that are going to travel really well that will show up looking as beautiful as they did when they left your house. So don't put too much pressure on yourself.

[B]

Let's bring another caller into the conversation. Casey. Why not Robert in New Jersey? Hi, Robert.

[D]

Hi, how are you? You can hear me?

[B]

We can hear you. You have an answer about what to bring.

[D]

Not to overshadow the chef. His place is essential in the whole equation. But I heard this recently and I thought it was brilliant. Somebody says, what should I bring? And the host says, bring ice. Because if you are the host, it's hard to keep enough ice on hand while you have all these dishes that you've prepared. And most of the time you really don't need another dish. You know what your menu is, but you need ice because ice keeps going and going and going all night. So it's a simple answer. If you really don't need anything and the person feels good bringing it.

[B]

Awesome, Robert. Thank you, Robert. Echoing your ice, ice and alcohol. The two A's always happy to bring those listeners. We're looking for your questions, comments about these upcoming gatherings. What are you thinking about taking? Need some ideas? Do you have some host pet peeves that you Want to share? 212-433-9692. You can call us, you can text us at that number. You can also find us on all of the social medias. We are at all of it. Wnyc. Let's talk about these signature dishes. You just. Casey had a recent op ed in the Times.

You say everybody should have a signature dish. I have a signature dish that is not for taking. It's like something that I always make when people come over. It seems like I always make risotto. I don't know why.

It just, it's like the thing that I've, it's the thing that I've gravitated toward.

One of the things that you mention is your flourless chocolate olive oil cake. And I want to get to that. But first Just tell us what, what makes a signature dish?

[C]

I think signature dish to me means something that feels very repeatable, that feels like a good reflection of who you are.

I think a lot of people, when this article was published, there were so many commenters that talked about signature dishes that they inherited from someone else in the family who's no longer with us. But they keep their memory alive through that signature dish. So it's something that becomes the tradition itself. It's more than just the food.

[B]

All right, so your flourless chocolate olive oil cake, what do you like about it? Why has it become your signature?

[C]

It's so easy. That's my number one thing I love about it. It's also very easy to transport. But it's one of those things that I didn't set out to make a signature dish. It just became my signature dish because I brought it enough places, enough times that friends started asking for it as the cake. Can you bring the cake? Are you going to bring the cake? And I think that's when you know you've really hit on a signature dish.

[B]

We got a text here that says non alcoholic options as well and good ones. Yes. I don't know what that means, but.

[C]

I think it means more than seltzer, something fun.

[B]

Oh, I see. More than what is it that Martinetti's or whatever that you get at the grocery store. No dissing Martinetti's or whatever that brand name is. And yeah, it says stop giving people children's drinks.

We're talking holiday gathering and we're discussing signature dishes and curious about what yours is. Do you have a signature just that you're planning on bringing here to these upcoming holiday gatherings? You can call us, you can text us with all of your ideas. 212-433-9692. Call us. Text us at that number. We're going to get one more call in before we have a quick break here. Joel in Forest Hills. Hi, Joel.

Hi, Joel. You have a good suggestion?

[D]

Yes, yes. Can you hear me?

[B]

We can hear you.

[D]

Thank you. Simple thing to bring.

5 or 10 pound bag of potatoes, scrub them and small size, not big size, and bake them in the oven and then bring them in the bag together with a bowl to put them in to whatever party you're going in. They'll still be hot when you take them out of the oven. And as long as you put them in a paper bag, not a plastic bag.

They'Ll be good and people like it.

[B]

Awesome. Thanks, Joel. You know, roasted potatoes, I mean, I guess it sort of depends on what the main dish is. But roasted potatoes with a little rosemary, some sea salt, little olive oil and garlic. I mean, he's right. I mean, you can't really go wrong with that. Does it transfer? It doesn't. You don't mind that if it's a little more room temperature?

[C]

Not at all. I mean, I'm Irish, so I'm not gonna turn any potatoes away. I would just add to that and also bring a container of some really good herby melted butter to pour over once I get there.

[B]

Or like some sour cream or something. Right. So. Or you could do like a little kind of a bevy of things that you could put on top.

[C]

A toppings bar.

[B]

Ooh, a toppings bar. I like it. All right. We're looking for your ideas as well. We're talking with Casey Elsass, who is a food writer and, and wrote what Can I Bring Recipes to help you live your guest life. Listeners, we're going to take more of your calls and your suggestions for what to bring to these upcoming holiday parties coming up. You can call us, you can text us. 212-433-9692. And we'll get to those after a quick break. This is ALL of it. I'm Tiffany Hansen in for Allison Stewart. Don't go anywhere.

This is ALL of IT on wnyc. I'm Tiffany Hansen in for Alison Stewart today. And we are talking about these holiday gatherings coming up. What can you bring? How can you be a good guest? How can you be a good host? For that matter? We're talking with Casey Elsass, who's a food writer and the author of what Can I Bring? Recipes to help you live your guest life. Listeners, join the conversation. 212-433-9692. You can call us, you can text us at that number with your suggestions about what to bring, how to be a good guest. 212-433-9692. Casey, we have some fun texts here. Maybe you already discussed this, this texter says, but guests always gather in the kitchen, making it hard to get around. Sometimes I end up barking at everyone. Get out of here. Is part of being a good guest just knowing when to, like, vacate the area?

[C]

Yes. I think it's natural to want to be around your host and talk to them and catch up. But if they're busy, save it for later, get out of their space, migrate to wherever the drinks are. I also think for a good host, like, make sure you've set drinks and snacks far away from you.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So there's a natural place for everyone to go. I will say, if you're very early to the party and you do want to be near your host, start washing dishes. That's what you can do to help out.

[B]

Yeah, that's a good idea. Here's another really good idea from a texter. I went to a big holiday house party in Brooklyn once to which someone brought toilet paper, a guest gift that will never go to waste. I think that's brilliant.

[C]

It's kind of cute. I really like that.

[B]

I mean, you could get. There's all those that are now wrapped in the paper. You know, that kind of like fun paper. You could make kind of a thing of it. I love it. People love my guacamole. Including high quality chips. Pet peeve. People bringing unwanted items that they baked and expect to serve. Also learning about special diets. Last minute. Let's talk here, Casey with Jack in Hoboken. Hi, Jack.

[D]

Oh, hi. This is a great topic. My dish, my signature dish would be cream of onion. You know, the pearl onions, and it was my Irish grandmother's dish that I helped make years ago. The thing is, it's hard to find a real pearl onion because they have to be small and then you have to peel every single one of them.

[B]

Yeah, I appreciate the call there, Jack. It's a little difficult to hear you, but I think we got the gist of it, which was that you bring your grandmother's cream of pearl onions. As a fellow Irishman here, Casey, you can probably appreciate that the only time I've seen those little pearl onions is in the frozen food aisle.

[C]

They do come fresh once in a while, and they are such a pain to peel because you're working with such a small surface area. So I do go for the frozen ones if I'm going to use them.

[B]

I wonder if his Irish grandmother would have used the frozen ones.

[C]

Maybe it wasn't an option for her.

[B]

We are talking holiday gatherings. What to bring, what not to bring. Let's talk a little bit here, Casey, about the flavors of the season.

A lot of folks are thinking kind of holiday themed, you know, things that they can bring. Warm spices, cinnamon, allspice, cloves. I'm wondering how you kind of balance that out because you don't want everybody to bring something that's like super holiday wintry.

[C]

Yeah, that's exhausting for any palate to eat the same flavors over and over.

[B]

Is there something that is sort of wintry that you like that's maybe not overpowering?

[C]

Yeah, well, I think a Lot of people forget that citrus is actually a winter fruit. So anything super orangey or even lemons and limes, those are actually in season right now. So those are great flavors. While we're in the freezer aisle getting our pearl onions, I'll remind everyone that frozen fruit is actually fantastic and adds a nice burst of freshness when we're used to really like roasty carby kind of flavors right now.

[A]

Right.

[C]

So I'm all for using a bag of frozen fruit.

[B]

I was also just thinking of when my kids were little, I used to keep them busy around the holidays by buying oranges and the whole cloves, and then I would have them cover the entire orange.

[C]

Yeah, I used to do that, too.

[B]

When I was young. Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a good gift.

[C]

They smell great. Yeah. And especially with a beautiful ribbon on it to hang in the doorway or something.

[B]

Anyway, another good idea, right, for a possible gift. All right, let's bring another caller here into the conversation with us, Anne in Red Bank. Hi, Ann.

[A]

Hi.

[D]

So this is not so much about a food. It's about how to deliver it. Bring it in either a disposable bowl or bring the bowl as a gift that if you don't want it, you can pay it forward at the next party. I went to a party yesterday. I had the dip. I made a dip. I left it in an adorable bowl. She said, don't you want some of it? Don't you want your bowl back? And I said, no, I don't want my bowl back. I don't want the responsibility of my bowl back. And this way, nobody has to remember to bring it home or come pick it up the next day and it's done with.

[B]

That's a good suggestion.

[C]

I think that's great.

[B]

I mean, occasionally, if I'm traveling and I'm going somewhere, I will go to a thrift store and I'll get a pretty thing, and then I'll get something from, you know, like, Whole Foods or whatever, and I'll. And then I'll leave the whole thing.

[C]

Yeah, I love that.

[B]

I mean, it's not too much of an onus to, like, just say, here's a dish.

[C]

Yeah. It's also nice because you don't have to wait for someone to wash it for you or, like, wait till it's all gone. You can just exit at any point.

[B]

Exit stage. I'm a big fan of that. All right, let's talk with Cassandra in the village here. Cassandra, hi.

[A]

Hi. Good afternoon, you guys. This is a wonderful topic. I'M so glad I'm on. Here is my question. When you go to a party and you're a good guest and you're leaving.

[D]

As a good guest and someone insists.

[A]

That you take leftovers, do you make your own leftovers to take away, or do you let your host prepare the leftovers for you?

[C]

That's a good question.

[B]

That is a good question. Thank you, Cassandra.

[C]

And I'm a big I. When guests come over to my house for dinner, I always insist they bring Tupperware just because I don't have a lot of fridge space and I want those leftovers gone. But I do let everyone pick and choose. Even if I'm putting it in their container, I check with them. Do you want some of this? Do you want some of this? I don't want to send them home with something they're not going to eat.

[B]

Ultimately, I do like the idea of asking people to bring their own Tupperware because, A, I don't have a lot of it. I do tend to save, like, two to go things just for that purpose.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And some people, my mother included, are a little crazy about their Tupperware and then getting their, you know, getting their Tupperware back and making sure, you know, so then it's a thing and you don't want to have. So I like that idea. That's a good one.

[C]

I also keep gallon Ziploc bags, and so if someone really needs something to go, it's going in the bag.

[B]

Yeah, Got it. All right, we have another good text here. I'm a Sabbath Observer. I host 30 people every single Saturday, so it's Thanksgiving and Christmas for me every week. I love to do it, but I do have a few pet peeves. When you offer to bring things, please bring the thing that you offered and not something else. Yeah. It messes up the entire menu. I've also had situations where people have asked me for recipes for certain delicious foods. Of course I give it to them. And the next party that we're at together, they start bringing my recipe, and then from then on, I can't bring my signature dish. So text from Sarah. I mean, you know, it. It is the highest form of flattery, I suppose.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Any tips for, like, telling somebody, hey, you could lay off, like, for me, like, you could lay off the risotto. Like, that's my deal, dude.

[C]

I'm still processing 30 people every week. That's wild. I think. Yes. That gets into a tricky place because recipes are meant to be shared and remade. And of course, you want people Enjoying your food. But I think probably the easiest way is just to text that person, give them a heads up, like, oh, I'm bringing this this weekend, just so you know.

[B]

Yeah, I do like the idea. We've mentioned it here, but to sort of not pivot, like, bring what you're going to bring. Bring what you were asked to bring. Yeah, some variation of.

[C]

Or bring it and make it better.

[B]

Or bring it and make it better. Let's see here. Let's talk with Anthony in Summit, New Jersey. Hi, Anthony.

[D]

Hi there. I have a quick question. Just when I go to a. I'm invited to a party and I go out and I buy a nice bottle of wine, and then I bring it to the party, and then I find they have, you know, a case of their wine that they bought that is not up to par with I'm bringing. Do you ask them to open up your bottle or do you just drink their wine? Because they usually take it and put it in the back where they're going to drink it later.

[B]

I have. Thank you so much for that, Anthony, because I have wondered about this. Is it etiquette to open the bottle that the person brought, or do you put it. Do you consider it a gift and put it in your stash?

[C]

It's a complicated question. When people come over to my house, I rely on them to supply the booze most of the time. So whatever's coming through the door, we're going to open it and enjoy it. If it's a more structured dinner party where they really have planned out, maybe they've coursed out the meal and they have wine pairings for everything, and it's just not going to fit with the plan they have in mind. And so I think as the guest, you just have to accept the situation you're in and think of it as a gift for them to enjoy later on.

[B]

All right, Casey, let's talk with Rachel in Westchester. Hi, Rachel.

[A]

Hi, how are you? Thanks for taking my call.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't know if this is controversial or not, but I actually have of late been asking people when they asked me what to bring, just telling people to bring their appetite and nothing else. And I really kind of mean it because I don't drink alcohol. And so if they're gonna bring maybe, I mean, they could bring something else that's edible, like a CBD gummy or something stronger. But if not, I really probably don't want or need anything else. And I think it's such a relief for me as the host and, like Especially as a guest. Having someone say that to me, it just feels, it's like liberating. Like we can just show up and enjoy and everyone knows what they're supposed to do and then there's nothing else to think about.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, having nothing else to think about is not to be underrated.

[C]

Yeah, I think that's the most generous form of hosting. I love going to those parties. I personally cannot walk through someone's door empty handed. And I know flowers are sometimes controversial. Wine is controversial, Candles are controversial. So for me, I stick with edible gifts like hot fudge or my mom.

[B]

Yeah, I wanted to get to your hot fudge recipe.

[C]

Just simple. Something that's not meant to be enjoyed at this party right now, but you're just leaving it behind.

[B]

I see. So you bring hot fudge in like a little thing with a bow and say, here you go.

[C]

That's for them only. We're not eating this tonight.

[B]

I got it. Good text here. Bring good manners. I once had a dinner party guest announce that she hated the vegetable I had worked hard to prepare.

[C]

I mean, that's crazy behavior.

[B]

That's kind of crazy behavior.

[C]

In my family, we grew up with a rule that we had to have a no thank you helping of anything that was on the table. And I think that applies to adulthood as well.

[B]

I think it does. I mean, let's be adults. Let's be adults. All right. Suzanne in Ridgewood. Good morning or good afternoon. Sorry, Suzanne. Good afternoon.

[A]

Good afternoon. So we had a dinner guest. His name was Ed. And Ed said, what could I bring? We said, how about bread? So Ed showed up with a loaf of Wonder Bread. And we quickly invited him in and whisked the bread into the kitchen, and we didn't serve it. And after dinner, when everyone had gone home, my husband and I nicknamed him Bread.

[B]

Thank you so much for that, Suzanne. I mean.

Everybody'S expect, you know, whatever the expectation is. Everyone has different ideas of what that means.

And I think it's how to be gracious in that moment.

[C]

Yes. I think that was a very gracious handling of that. I think it's interesting to show up at a dinner and bring sandwich bread, which would never compute in my brain, but I think now you have bread for French toast the next morning. You just use whatever comes through your door.

[B]

Yeah. Or you could, you know, if you, you could just say that, right? Like, oh, fantastic. Now I'm going to use this for, you know, just so that you're not setting up the expectation that it's going to be part of the meal.

[C]

Right.

[B]

That you're about to get. All right. We've been talking about holiday.

Gatherings, food, how to be a good guest, how to be a good host. Last thing, we'll leave it on this Cookies.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. To just bring a big old platter of dry it out, flaky cookies. Sorry.

[C]

A little editorializing there, hopefully. No, but I mean, everybody has a different comfort level in the kitchen. And I think it's more important that you're doing the act of showing up for somebody than what you're actually making for them.

[B]

We've been talking with Casey Elsass, who is a food writer. We've been talking about what to bring for these holiday parties that are all coming up. And Casey has an answer for you. If you didn't get to hear it today, you can get Casey's. It's a cookbook called what Can I Bring? Recipes to help you live your guest life. Casey, thanks.

[C]

Thanks so much.

[B]

NYC now delivers the most up to date local news from WNYC and Gothamist every morning, midday and evening with three updates a day. Listeners get breaking news, top headlines and in depth coverage from across New York City by sponsoring programming like NYC now, you'll reach our community of dedicated listeners with premium messaging and an uncluttered audio experience. Visit sponsorship.wnyc.org to get in touch and find out more.