← All Of It with Alison Stewart
All Of It with Alison Stewart
Managing Unexpected Situations
00:15:55
Our host Alison was on an extended medical leave following emergency brain surgery, and she had to deal with a lot of new, frustrating, an unexpected situations.
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All right, unk.
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A
Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss? I've been hitting up McDonald's for years now. It's back.
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We need snack wraps.
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A
What's a snack wrap? It's the return of something great. Snack Wrap is back. Listener Supported WNYC Studios welcome back to WNYC and all of it. I'm Alison Stewart. Dr. D' Amico and Lenox Hill really worked wonders and took good care of me and my brain. But that was just the start. After surgery, I transferred out of the hospital and into NYU Langhorne Rusk Rehab. I was weak. I couldn't walk unassisted. I had have aphasia, a common communication disorder that happens upon brain trauma. It can take six months to a year to finally arrive at whatever speech I'll have going forward. So how do we adjust to this new reality? I thought I'd check in with psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, a New York Times bestselling author, co host of the popular Dear Therapist Podcast and dear Therapist columnist for the Atlantic. Lori, frustration is a really new feeling for me. I wanna talk very freely. I do have limits currently. How do you suggest handling frustration?
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Yeah, well, first of all, I just wanna say welcome back. I'm. I'm so glad, and I know I speak for so many listeners that you're back. So first of all, just welcome back. You know, I think the thing about frustration is that we don't have enough patience. It's really hard. We take our bodies for granted, and when something goes wrong, we are not prepared for it. And so I think one way to deal with that is to say, what are the small improvements that are happening? What can you do better today than you did yesterday or last week or last month? And to really look at it through.
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A
That frame, some things in life have had to change. Like it or not, I have to exactly map out where I want to go, what subway I'm taking, plan in advance. Somebody told me I have no autopilot. What's important when navigating change, and how do you accept it?
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C
I think people need to make space for the grieving process because there is a loss, and a lot of people want to just focus on the positive. All of the people who can't really deal with the pain that you're going through, the loss that you're going through, and so they try to sort of cheer you up and not really give you space to say, wow, this has been a tremendous loss, and this has been an incredibly painful experience. And when you're going through the experience, you're so focused on the treatment. You're so focused on, you know, what do I need to do next? And there isn't a lot of room to say, that has been really hard, or this is really sad. You know, I need to take some time to really process what I've been through and what I'm going through. And it's really important to do that and to not just stuff down your emotions or say, well, at least I'm getting better, so I shouldn't feel sad or I shouldn't grieve because of course there's been a lot of pain and loss.
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A
I'm not proud to say this, but there have been times when I just wanted to give up, when I just couldn't finish a sentence, when I just couldn't get it out. What do we do when we want to give up? Where do we find resilience.
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C
That'S so incredible that people have this kind of resilience? It's so interesting. I See this in my therapy patients, when they feel like their whole lives are over at times, and then they wake up another day and they find the strength to go on. And I think the same thing when you have a physical illness is that somehow there's a part of you, maybe it's 0.01%, that is the quiet part of you that that is kind of drowned out by the whole part that wants to give up. And it's really about accessing that, that small part of you that says, I really, really want to go on. And, you know, sometimes you really have to search for it, but for most people, it's still there.
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A
All right, Laurie, I know you very kindly slipped us in, so you've got a minute left. Any advice you want to give me?
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Yeah, I think some advice I want to give you is, and anybody going through anything is please ask for help. Ask for help from people around you. So many people don't want to burden the people around them. And what I want to remind people is that people love it when you ask for their help because it shows them that they are important to you. And I think that you find your strongest friendships and your strongest connection and the most important experiences of your life when you reach out to people at a time when you're really, really struggling and they show up for you.
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A
My guest has been Lori Gottlieb. Lori, thank you so much for your time today.
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C
My pleasure, Alison.
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A
Listeners, I wanna hear your stories of resilience. What have you faced that's been completely life changing? And how did you get through? Our phone lines are open. 2124-4339-6922-2433. WNYC. You can text to us at that number as well. I'd love to get as many calls in as possible. And we're talking about big stuff, so we're gonna ask you to keep it short. Tell us what the event was, what was the most helpful thing you did or the best piece of advice that you received. Call or text us. 2124-3396-9221-2433. WNYC. We want to hear your stories. And here with me now to help field calls and to take texts is Kate Hines, all of its senior producer. Hi, Kate. Hey, Alison. It is very nice to see you back in the studio. It is nice to see you as well. Let me just turn this around for a second and ask you what you've been listening to. Lori Gottlieb. Did anything she say strike a chord with you? I think about asking for help, about telling people when I can do something, when I can't do something, when I need a little something. That would really. That really struck me because I'm so wanting to do things on my own. And I'm sure other people are like that, where they want to do things on their own. And sometimes you just need. You need an assist. You were kind enough. You made me dinner. When I had. When I was, like, sort of sad and couldn't talk and had a IV attached to my body in my house, you made me. Came to my house and made me dinner. That was a group effort. I had some help. But, yes, we did. Everyone wanted to help. What Lori Gottlieb said is so true. Everyone wanted to pitch in. You wanna go to the phones? Sure, let's go to the phones. I think we have a call from Robin in Long Island City. Hi, Robin. Hi, Robin.
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B
Hi. How are you? Allison, I was so struck to hear what happened to you because I, too, had. I had a traumatic brain injury. And in 2001, I was in the hospital for two months and five days. I was unconscious for the first 14 days. This was at St. Vincent's Hospital. And they said they thought I was bit by a mosquito and ultimately had West Nile virus. But it is a brain injury, and it was called meningoencephalitis. And I woke up, and with regard to aphasia, I thought I was talking, and people told me later I wasn't.
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A
Oh, yes.
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You know, just like you. I mean, I had a positive attitude. I had severe neuropathy and couldn't walk for a few months, but I went through all kinds of therapy. Are you getting, like, occupational therapy and physical therapy and all that, or maybe you don't need it. That was important for me to recover at the Resk Institute.
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A
Oh, yes, they were. Thank you so much for calling in. Yeah. When I was at Rusk Institute, I had occupational therapy and physical therapy. Shout out to Alex. He was great. And they kept me going a lot. I had a lot of therapy. I still take speech therapy. I had outpatient. I do my little exercises, my little. To get my words out. But, yes, I did have speech therapy. And it was quite extraordinary, the people who helped me out. You had a whole notebook, a whole binder full of exercises. Like, I think I want to tell people about visiting you at your apartment and seeing the giant binder of exercises you put yourself through. It was really something. Text says, welcome back. How did I get through a difficult time listening to your show? Read COVID lockdown and all that entailed. So very glad you recovered and continue to push through. Thanks for the example. That's from Carol. Thank you, Carol. I got another one that says I was at my most depressed after I started to get better and I felt crazy and guilty for that. I've come to understand with time that was a normal reaction to having to live with a new normal. Thank you so much for texting in. Let's take a call from Sandra on line nine and she's calling from Brooklyn. Hi, Sandra.
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Hi, Alison. So excited to kind of see you back. Welcome back.
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A
Thank you.
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I am a longtime listener. This is my first on call. I am calling as the mother of a 17 year old. And four years ago, right before the COVID shutdown, she too had an unexpected kind of stroke. She basically had an unknown avm. It ruptured and she had a craniotomy to remove a massive blood clot. And she ended up at NYU Rusk Rehab for about five to six weeks for intensive inpatient rehabilitation. And what I've learned from that and what she has learned is that, you know, to just take things slowly. I used to be one of these people who had to plan out the year and I'm like, okay, I'll plan out the week and be as flexible as I can. And, you know, she was lucky to recover a lot. She had all forms of therapy at rus, otpp, Speech and continued. And only four years later this past spring has kind of, you know, stopped kind of phased out of that. So. And I find, you know, in our culture we really privilege speed and we need to kind of slow down. And it's okay to slow down and to kind of to tell a 13 year old teen over the past four years it's okay to slow down. And teenagers aren't, you know, prone to that. But I did want to raise an important point about RUS rehab rehabilitation. They are amazing. The staff nurses, all the physical therapists, speech therapists, just amazing. So she was there right before the shutdown. And Rust Rehab had the only inpatient pediatric unit for rehabilitation for children who, you know, needed intensive rehabilitation. And they closed during COVID to make room for all the COVID patients. Since then, New York City has not reopened an inpatient rehab.
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A
You know what? I'm going to take you. Sandra, I appreciate the point you're making and I appreciate the point that you're making about rehab and how it really express it really helps your child. Thank you so much. We really, really appreciate it. You're listening to all of it on wnyc. I'm Alison Stewart. Kate Hines is in the studio. By the way, I want to say thank for hosting the show, Kate, along with Tiffany Hansen, David Furs and Matt Katz and the big Miguel. He's done a great job. Thank you so much for sitting in. He's going to help us out throughout the summer because according to Sandra, I'm going to take it slow. I'm going to do the first half of the week, sleep the rest of the week. And Khusha's going to be back on Thursdays and Fridays. And also thanks to team all of it. They were invaluable. We just wanted to keep the show going in your absence. Alison, big shoes to fill. Should we try to take one more call? Yeah, let's go for it. All right, let's try. Elizabeth from Hastings on line eight.
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Hi, this is Elizabeth. I just want to thank you first of all for your courage and frankness in speaking about what happened to you. Like, I was in tears listening and I was also afraid to listen. I respect you tremendously for your, you know, you, the books you choose and the energy you bring to the show. And, you know, I, I experienced something when my husband was 56. He. He died of bilateral pulmonary embolism from a fairly routine brain back surgery. And that changed my life. And I always thought of us as a team. And it was, it was listening to people like you who told stories that, things you just can't imagine that helped me through it. And I'm a college English professor, so that helped too, like reading a lot, but just people just sitting and not, not saying much but just showing that they were there. So, you know, it's unspeakable what you went through. My sister was born prematurely and she has aphasia her whole life. So I understand a little bit of what that must be for a person, you know, but deeply, deeply moved by it. And I'm so glad you're back. So thank you.
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A
Thank you so much for calling in. Yeah, the aphasia is going to be an issue. That's going to be interesting. It's going to sound like audio charades. Like, oh, boy, looks like she's trying to find a word. Can she find it? But I will just work my way around that. Yeah. And I wanted to ask you, is it helpful when someone supplies a word? Like you're struggling for a word and we're like, castle, car, catch canoe. The answer is no. The answer is also, I have to learn to find the word myself. Yeah, that Makes sense. I have to learn to figure out my way around it. So I appreciate the. Here's.
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Go.
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I can't think of the word. The instinct to step in. Perfect. Okay, good. Here's a text. Thanks for covering the details on what happened. When I had a tbi, I had to learn to talk again, too. Using mirrors again was actually really hard. Kept hitting myself in the head with the brush. So keep covering all of this. Thanks so much. In 2018, I had to have major brain surgery to remove. I can't say this word. It refined my whole life. I spent three weeks in the hospital doing recovery just to want to say thank you for sharing your story. Every time I learn of someone else who has been through something comparable, I am grateful. Yeah. It is really great to hear people's stories, to hear other people going through the same sort of situation that I am. I mean, I'm lucky. I. I have insurance. I have a group of friends who are supportive. I mean, I know that. I know that, and I'm aware of that. But it is really nice to hear these stories. It really is. It's how you get through. All right, so we got 30 seconds. What should we talk about? What you missed while you were out? Sure. What did I miss? Well, we took down some dining sheds. Oh, that's true. When I went outside, I was like, hello. Where to go? President Biden's really old, and people are worried about it. Yeah. Yeah, I can. I. I respect somebody who has a thought in their head and can't quite get it out. That's all I'm gonna say there. Hey, I got a promo ready. Thanks for coming in, Kate. Coming up, author and journalist Sebastian Younger, a few years ago nearly died from a ruptured aneurysm. What happened to his body was shocking, but what happened to his mind really rocked his world. He writes about that experience in his new memoir, My Time of Dying. How I Came Face to Face with the Idea of an afterlife. That's next, right after the news headlines. Oh, Gekko, I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app. Could you sign a. Sign what? The app. Yeah, sure. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again? Anything to help, I suppose. Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico. I'm gonna put you on, nephew.
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All right, unc.
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Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss? I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back.
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We need snack wraps.
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What's a snack wrap. It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.