← All Of It with Alison Stewart
All Of It with Alison Stewart
Need to Write a Funny Speech Soon? We've Got You Covered
00:27:49
Veteran comedy writers Carol Leifer and Rick Mitchell discuss the ins and outs of comedy in speeches, and how to strike the right balance.
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- [00:00]
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Alyson Stewart
This is all of it on wnyc. I'm Alyson Stewart. We wanted to give you a heads up on what we're planning for later on in the week. Coming up on tomorrow's show, the next installment of our Women's History Month series, Women in Music Production. We'll talk with songwriter hall of Famer Linda Perry, her organization equalize her address gender inequality in the music industry. She's amazing. And on Friday, we'll talk with actor Jason Isaacs about his latest season, the latest season of White Lotus. Hans Zimmer will be here as well to talk about his film Hans Zimmer and Friends of the Diamond Desert, which is part documentary and part concert movie. And we'll also hear from trans activist and influencer Dylan Mulvaney about documenting her transformation from her transition on TikTok and the right wing controversy that followed her work as a spokesperson for a certain beer company. That is all on the way. Let's get this hour started with speechwriting. How many of us have sat through a wedding speech where the best man just goes on for too long, tries to be funny, but instead of laughs, all we get is awkward silence and grandma's icy stares. The next time you give a speech, you don't have to make the same mistake. There are practical ways to incorporate humor into your speech that will get laughs but will also hammer home why someone is meaningful to you. Comedians Carol Leifer and Rich Mitchell, excuse me, Rick Mitchell, have written a new book to help us with your speeches. It's called how to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah, graduation and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. The book's lessons include never talk for more than five minutes. Adrienne Brody, take notes. Remember to always introduce yourself and your relationship to the honoree. And the more personal stories, the better. Carol has written for Seinfeld, Curb youb Enthusiasm, Modern Family, the Oscars, so much more. She joins us now. Hi, Carol.
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Carol Leifer
Hi.
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Alyson Stewart
And Rick, who's written for TMZ and the Ellen DeGeneres Show. Rick, it's nice to meet you as well.
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Rick Mitchell
Nice to meet you, too. Thanks.
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Alyson Stewart
Alison, why is humor useful, maybe even necessary in speeches that we hear at weddings, bar mitzvahs or family functions. Carol?
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Carol Leifer
Well, when you are asked to give a speech, of course it's always important to be heartfelt. I mean, why else would they have asked you to do a speech for them? But also being funny is important because you want to entertain people and usually you're one of a few people to give a speech. So Rick and I thought after witnessing so many incredibly bad speeches that we would help people being funny in their speech. And what's I think great about our book is we really give people step by step ways to incorporate humor. Plus, we also add a lot of jokes at the end that you are free to use from two Emmy winning comedy writers for your speech. So we really feel locked and loaded in giving people, people all the tools to give a great and funny speech.
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Alyson Stewart
Rick Sometimes people get up there and.
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Listener/Caller
They think I have to give like a five minute standup routine.
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Alyson Stewart
But that's not what a speech is. What makes a speech different from five minutes of just, just jokes? Just jokes?
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Rick Mitchell
Well, as Carol said, I mean, look, it's a place you could be sentimental a lot of these speeches. And you know, I think the thing is that you have to remember is that there's low expectations because the speeches are so bad at these things. So really you're getting up there and it doesn't take a whole lot to be funny at these things because nobody expects it. So that's such a advantage that you have getting up there.
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Carol Leifer
That's so true. Nobody expects you to be Jerry Seinfeld up there. Yes, bar is very low.
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Listener/Caller
Listeners, are you giving a speech this year? Maybe at a wedding or a graduation? Any questions about how to incorporate humor into your speech, you can call or text us now. 212-433-WNYC 212-433-9692. Or maybe you've given a speech that made people laugh.
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Alyson Stewart
What worked? Or have you ever bombed in a.
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Listener/Caller
Speech and the audience didn't laugh at all? Yeah, we want to hear your stories. Our numbers are 2124-3396-9221-2433. You can call in, you can join Carol and Rick and me on the air or you can text that number or reach out to us on social media at all of it. Wnyc. Carol, sometimes people just get really nervous about public speaking. How do you suggest people get over that stage fright before giving the speech?
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Carol Leifer
Well, I would say, and I'm sure Wick would agree, being a standup himself, it's normal to be a little nervous. So if you get a little jittery, that's okay. In fact, it's kind of good. I still get nervous when I do my standup. It's good to have a little bit of the juice to do a good show. But a big mistake that people make when they do speeches is they'll say to themselves, okay, I'll have a drink beforehand. That should settle me down.
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Listener/Caller
Oh, boy.
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Carol Leifer
And then they feel so good that they're like, maybe I'll have a one more or maybe seven. And then they go up there and they really bomb because they're blotto and they don't realize it. And the people at the event are not only embarrassed, but it's horrific. I mean, the other thing that, you know, a reason why Rick and I wanted to write the book so badly is, you know, Alison, a bad speech used to be a story among the family. Now everybody's videoing everything. And your bad speech could be up there in perpetuity. Conversely, your great speech after you read our speech book could be up there as well. So I would just say in terms of nerves, it's good to have a little bit of nerves. You'll get up there, and you'll be much better than you thought. Think you'll be. Because every performer knows that.
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Listener/Caller
Let's check in with Ed, who is calling us from Belmar, New Jersey. Hey, Ed, we understand that you have some experience in this. Yeah.
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Ed
Hi, my name is Ed. I'm in Belmore. I work as a banquet chef. And I got to tell you, the long speeches are killing us in the kitchen. People are making these speeches, and they're not funny. And all we want to do is feed you and go home. So please, just be good and then be brief and sit down, because everybody just wants to eat.
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Alyson Stewart
Thanks, Ed, for calling.
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Carol Leifer
That really. What an endorsement. Yeah. From the people in the kitchen. Because most times, I'm sure Ed will agree, they won't serve the food until people do the speeches. And then people get on and they do 15 minutes, and then they. It's followed by a million more people. And it's horrible for the people at the event.
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Rick Mitchell
You know, it's a thing, too, where people think that because they know this person, they have to include everything they know about this person, every story they've ever had. You don't. You don't need to tell their life story short and sweet, like we say. And as Carol and I have said, like, nobody's mad if you're too short. You know, nobody's, oh, I was too short. But if you're too long, that's all they remember.
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Carol Leifer
Yeah. And one of our cardinal rules is five minutes and under keep five at the maximum.
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Alyson Stewart
What about location and setting? Why are they important considerations for speech prep?
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Carol Leifer
Well, location is obviously important because what a lot of people don't realize when they get up there is this is usually a mixed crowd. Eventually there are children, there are older people, and when college buddies get up and tell these raunchy stories or drop f bombs everywhere and, you know, Aunt Susie's pearls are exploding, you know, it makes for a horrible event. So where you're at location is very important. And I'm sure Rick has a couple of thoughts about this as well.
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Rick Mitchell
Yeah, absolutely. Well, let me. Let me tell you this, because this is a good example of this, and this is. This is how I met my wife. I was at a birthday party at a hotel bar for a friend, and I saw this beautiful woman in a green bridesmaid's dress dancing on the dance floor. And I went over to talk to her, and it turned out she was in a wedding at a banquet hall next door that got very out of hand from the open bar, and the best man was on stage and said, let the affairs begin. And it got very awkward because there were a lot of children and a lot of older grandparents, and, you know, he didn't read the room. You know, he had too much alcohol, didn't read the room, and it got very awkward for people, and that's what you don't want.
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Listener/Caller
My guests are comedian Carol Leifer and Richard Rick Mitchell.
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Alyson Stewart
They're the authors of the new book.
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Listener/Caller
How to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar mitzvah graduation, and every.
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Alyson Stewart
Other event that you didn't want to.
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Listener/Caller
Go to in the first place. We want to hear from you.
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Alyson Stewart
Do you have to give a speech sometime this year, or have you ever bombed a speech and the audience didn't laugh at all?
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Listener/Caller
We want to hear about it. The number is 2124-3396-9221-2433. WNYC. This text says my son had to deliver a speech at his bar mitzvah banquet. He and I were nervous. Wretch. Solution. He went to a buddy's bar mitzvah, heard a great speech, and he used it. Problem solved.
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Carol Leifer
Problem solved. For him, maybe. Yeah. But maybe not for the friend. Look, we think, you know, this is what our book is all about. We give you good tips to use, but outright stealing of another bar Mitzvah boy speech, we would say that's a big no. No.
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Listener/Caller
Well, the beginning of a speech is. So that's actually the toughest part is where to start. Rick where do I start?
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Rick Mitchell
Well, the biggest mistake that people make is not telling people who they are and what their connection is to people. And that's a huge thing. Look, if I'm going to do a joke about somebody, they don't know who I am, they might find it a little offensive. But if I've told them I've known this person for 13 years, well, they're going to go, all right, I guess it's okay if he says that. So that's the biggest mistake. I've seen so many speeches where people get up there and they just start talking and you're going, who is this person? Do they know the bride? Do they know the groom? I don't know who they are. So that's the first thing you have to do up front is tell people who you are, what your relationship is to the bride, the groom, the graduate, the retiree and whatnot.
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Listener/Caller
Let's talk to Ann, who's calling in from Chatham, New Jersey. Hi, Ann, thanks for calling all of it. You're on the air.
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Ann
Hi, Jennifer. This is a great show. I love it. I listen every day. I just want to say this is probably a great book to have. My husband and I were giving, we were giving a speech to our at our daughter's wedding and my advice was always, never veer from the script. We had a script. My husband started off and he couldn't get through it. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He was very emotional and he handed the script to me and I was able to carry it off and it was a great speech. And I didn't veer from the script. It worked out really well.
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Alyson Stewart
Ann, thanks so much for calling in. What do you think? Should you stick to the script?
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Carol Leifer
Well, what happened with Anne, I think is really kind of the beauty of speeches. I mean, they had a script so they were prepared. But when her husband started to get emotional, you know, speeches are all about the personal. And the fact that her husband got emotional and went with that in the moment. I mean, that's another thing that comedians know. You need to be in the moment. So any speech giving person needs to be in the moment, too. And I'm sure this speech went over so well because it was matched with script. But obviously so much emotion with the father of the bride, that makes for a beautiful speech. So if something like that happens Go with it. Don't feel like you need to stay on script, like what happened with Ann's situation.
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Alyson Stewart
Once you get to the middle of a speech, you recommend focusing on five.
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Listener/Caller
Attributes of the honoree that you're speaking about.
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Alyson Stewart
Rick, why is it good to just.
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Listener/Caller
Focus on a person's attributes?
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Rick Mitchell
Well, look, when you're at one of these places, what you're looking for is relatability. And, you know, if you find things that everybody knows about the groom or the bride, yes, it's going to create more intimacy, more laughter. It's basically inside jokes is what it is. So that's why we say, do the research on these people. Think about the things that everybody knows about these people. My good friend had the tiniest ears I've ever seen, you know, and that was a joke among people. So when I brought that up, before I even got to the joke, people were, I mean, up, and they were loving it. Right. So just stuff like that, inside jokes like you have with your friends, that's what you're looking for, you know, and so that's what you can find with.
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Listener/Caller
The attributes, which it's really cool. In your book, you annotate speeches and you both explain why something works, why something might not work, why something might work a little bit better. Carol, could you give us an example of. Want something from the book?
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Carol Leifer
Yeah, Actually, we also give advice about giving speeches at memorials, which people are often asked to do. And I gave a speech about my cousin who passed prematurely from cancer. So obviously people were sad, but people like to hear great stories about the person. But there was one thing that I wanted to check with his wife about. My cousin was like the most fun loving person ever. And I wanted to say which was true. He partied like nobody I've ever seen, even though he was in recovery. And that was something that I went obviously to his wife and said, is that okay to say? And talking about his recovery, she was like, oh, absolutely. People will love it. And when I mentioned that about him, people laughed and related to it because they knew what a party monster he was. But I think checking with his wife beforehand was, I'm happy that I did that, because she could have very easily said, I don't know, I wouldn't go there. So also for people not to be afraid, we also recommend practicing your speech, maybe in front of someone else who's going to be at the event, who knows the person like you do to just. The practice is always good, but to kind of feel out certain areas.
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Listener/Caller
How do you feel about Being flexible. Rick, how do you feel about flexibility in the speech? You're up there, you in it, you think you have a moment, you're not sure. What do you think?
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Rick Mitchell
Well, it's tough. Like, as. As a comedian, that's a. That's even a tough thing after you've done it for a while. So, I mean, Anne's thing is sticking with the script is not a terrible idea if you've. If you've done it before. But, you know, flexibility, you have to be flexible sometimes because you don't know what's going to happen up there. So I'm not against it. I think it can be a good thing, depending on how you're. But it can also go very badly, too, if you're not careful. So it depends how comfortable you are with yourself, you know, and giving speeches. If you've never really given a speech before. Yeah, maybe don't. Let's stick to the script, you know, let's not go off.
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Listener/Caller
This text says, oh, yeah, continue, Alison.
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Carol Leifer
Another thing that we like to recommend. Hope you don't hear my doggy. Is that this is not a professional setting in show business. So it's important for the host. A lot of times before someone gives a speech to quiet down the crowd. You don't want to go out there when it's like mayhem. We certainly know this, Rick and I, from speeches we do for corporate events. You got to settle everybody down and give the speaker the best platform because you were nice enough to ask them to give a speech. But they were also nice enough to give up their time and put something together. So it's good for you to set a nice stage for people.
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Rick Mitchell
And also just piggybacking off that you have to remember, too, like she said, this isn't a professional environment, so it's okay to make mistakes. Right. Nobody's expecting you to be perfect at these things. So you make a mistake, go with it. Say, you know what? I'm nervous. Sorry, I made a mistake. Okay, let's move on. Nobody's gonna care.
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Alyson Stewart
Got a text that says, I hope.
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Listener/Caller
I'm pronouncing his name right.
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Alyson Stewart
Jim Valvano, the great Rutgers basketball coach, said a speech should quote, make them laugh, make them think, and make them cry. In that order.
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Carol Leifer
Hey, wish we had used that in the book.
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Rick Mitchell
Yeah, that's good.
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Alyson Stewart
Let's talk to Laz, who's calling in from Old Bridge. Hi, Laz, thanks for calling, all of it. You're on the air.
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Laz
Hi, how you doing? Thanks. This sounds like a really great Book. I know a few people who could use it. I've been asked to give two speeches as best man to two of my best friends, and one in particular I knew since I was 12 years old. And he got married at 53. And so to be a little creative with it, I had my son create some flip charts, and I gave the five reasons why my buddy Rich got married at 53. And so they were like, things like he was holding out for the senior citizens discount. He had a pinup of Farrah Fawcett, and he secretly thought he was gonna marry her. So it was a lot of fun.
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Alyson Stewart
That sounds like it was a good time, Las. Yes, thanks for calling.
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Carol Leifer
Yes. Sounds like a really, really good speech. Getting creative like that. Short and sweet, funny things. Yeah, Terrific. Spot on.
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Alyson Stewart
Should I be talking to my honoree beforehand? Should I get a sense of things or just let it fly?
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Listener/Caller
What do you think, Rick?
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Rick Mitchell
I typically don't just because I like them to be surprised. You certainly could. And certainly if there's something that you're not sure about, you know, like we talked about asking them and if it's okay. But I like to check with people surrounding them. Right. Because I do like them to be surprised. So I think you'll find if you talk to people who are very close to them, that you'll probably be able to get the same information that you needed.
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Carol Leifer
I mean, the other thing that I wanted to talk about with our book is a lot of people now, Allison, go to AI to write their speech. Yeah. Which might be the biggest mistake ever, because a great speech is all about being, talking, speaking from the heart. And AI is a robot that has no heart. So in the book, we actually took elements that were going to be in a speech and then put the same elements in AI and what it came up with was horrific. It would have completely died in the crowd. And like, false. Like, it came up with facts that weren't even so. So, you know, what's another selling point of our book is we have. For people that don't have a lot of time, we have templates. So you can kind of like Mad Libs, you can plug in certain things in our very easy to use template. So we got you covered.
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Listener/Caller
What about the ending of a speech when we get to the end? How do you know the best way to wrap up, Rick?
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Rick Mitchell
Well, what we recommend doing look, and a lot of people are sometimes kind of afraid to be emotional, but get serious and talk about what this person means to you, they're going to appreciate it. Everyone's going to appreciate it. Don't be afraid that it's going to be corny. It's okay. And the. The best thing you can do at the very end is, all right, everybody raise your glasses. That's how it ends. And that's. You're out. And it's. It's actually a lot. It's pretty easy. You don't have to be funny at the end.
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Carol Leifer
Yeah, coming from the heart at the end is really good. The other thing that we mentioned in the book, that's kind of 101 to us, but people, A lot of people neglect to do is after you give your speech and you've toasted to them, it's nice to go over to the person you're celebrating and give them a hug or, you know, a kiss, something like that. It's very odd sometimes when people give a heartfelt toast and then they just, like, wander back to their seats.
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Listener/Caller
My guests are comedian Karen Leifer and Rick Mitchell. They're the authors of a new book, how to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah, graduation, and every other event that you didn't want to go to in the first place. Let's take another call. This is one of these events you don't really want to go to. Hi, Peter. He's calling in from Tampa, Florida. Hey, Peter.
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Peter
Hi. I'm a New Yorker. You know, I'm getting even. Even listening to what you're talking about. I was thinking about my mother. Like, when she passed away, we had a memorial thing, and I thought of what I said. I'm getting. I'm getting choked up at the speech I gave, you know, and it's. And I'm thinking about what you're saying is, like, the combination of, like, something that is, like, kind of humorous and light, but then if you wait till the end of it, there's a big payoff. You know, it's like, why am I talking about. Why am I talking about, you know, three Shredded Wheat? In other words, I was starting really small, but when I told the story about how she bought Shredded wheat and she had to buy three boxes because she didn't know which one I'd like, you know, it was. And then the context of where that came from. Or actually, because, like, check this out, because as we're walking into the place to give it, it's like over air conditioners, a little cool, whatever. And. And I thought of something my mother said. She said. She said the difference between someone who has a baby or someone that doesn't Have a baby. If you. If you don't have a baby, you're likely to say, boy, it's cold in here. And you reached. Like, I should have brought a sweater. If you have a baby, you reach for the baby.
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Listener/Caller
Oh, Peter, thanks so much for coming.
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Carol Leifer
You know what I love about that Shredded Wheat story about his mom?
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Listener/Caller
Yeah.
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Carol Leifer
It is not only funny, you know, which is, you know, which everybody loves, but it showed what kind of person she was, how generous she was. She got three boxes because she didn't know which her son would like. I mean, that's. That's such a diamond story.
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Rick Mitchell
It's great. And the thing, too, we should mention, because I think people get nervous about funerals, memorials, that they think it's supposed to be sad. And, you know, that's why a lot of people now have these celebrations of life, because it is supposed to be a celebration, this person's life. And people want some laughter there, too. There's a lot of tension. And Carol has a great speech in our book that she did. And it's funny, it's hilarious, and people loved it.
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Alyson Stewart
You know, as you're thinking about all the speeches, obviously you went through tons of them because you had to decide what you wanted to put in your book. Carol, what's a funny speech that you witnessed and why?
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Carol Leifer
Well, I have a cousin who is really very laid back and quiet and shy. And then he got up to give his best man speech at my other cousin's wedding, and I swear, he was like Woody Allen up there. First of all, no notes, and it was certainly a good five minutes. And he was relaxed, he was outgoing. He did the meat of the speech, which is so important. And we talk about. Are the personal stories about someone, because the personal stories you have, nobody else is going to have, or if they're shared family memories, that's always great. We always tell people. A lot of times, talking about how you met someone turns out to be a funny story. So to include things like that, or if it's a family thing, childhood memories. Like, at my 30th birthday, my brother gave a speech and he talked about how when I was in second grade, they were doing the King and I production. And, yeah, I was completely starstruck as a kid, I wanted to be in show business right away. And they told me that I could be one of the Siamese children in the play. So I had my outfit ready and I sat in the audience waiting for someone to be sick so I could run on stage and be one of the Siamese Children. So, you know, that story went over very well because now I'm a performer. And so, you know, the personal stories coming from the heart and sharing memories is really the gold of speeches for you.
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Alyson Stewart
Rick, what was a speech that really.
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Listener/Caller
Meant a lot to you?
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Rick Mitchell
Well, as comedians, look, we go to some of these places with other comedians, and I mean, they just can give a speech like no other. And so I've always liked watching comedians, but then watching them at these events is great. And one of my friends, I mean, I think his speech at this wedding was funnier than any set I've ever seen him do at a comedy club. I mean, it was just. Just tremendous to watch. And you just. It's fun to see people, again, so surprised at these events because they're not expecting it. So if you can formulate any semblance of a joke, they're gonna love it.
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Carol Leifer
And we have the jokes for every event in the book and those you are free to steal because we're giving them to you.
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Listener/Caller
It's called how to Write a Funny Speech. My guests have been Carol Leifer and Rick Mitchell. It's nice to meet both of you. Thanks for being with us.
- [28:04]
Carol Leifer
Oh, can I just do a quick plug? Because I'm going to be at the 92nd Street Y with Susie Essman on April 9 talking about the book.
- [28:13]
Listener/Caller
That is exciting. Thanks, Carol.
- [28:15]
Carol Leifer
Thank you.
- [28:18]
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