Ruth Rathblott on How to Unhide Yourself

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Ruth Rathblot on How to Unhide Yourself"

Podcast: All Of It (WNYC)
Host: Alison Stewart
Date: September 10, 2024
Guest: Ruth Rathblot, author of Unhide and Seek: Live Your Best Life, Do Your Best Work

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on what it really means to "unhide" ourselves—shedding the aspects of our identities we've felt compelled to conceal. Ruth Rathblot shares her personal journey of living with a limb difference and spending 25 years hiding it, ultimately finding freedom and connection through self-acceptance and openness. The discussion expands to include how hiding affects people living with disabilities, trauma, addiction, and more, both in personal and professional contexts. Listeners call in with powerful stories of their own, making for a moving exploration of self-acceptance and cultural change.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Ruth Rathblot’s Story: Early Experiences With Hiding

• Discovering Difference
  • Ruth didn't see herself as different until starting high school, when a student stared at her left hand, which she was born with a limb difference due to amniotic band syndrome.
  • Quote:

    "For the first time, I felt super nervous and I felt different. And so my instinct was just tuck it in my pocket, just thinking it would just be for that bus ride." (04:25, Ruth)

• The Duration of Hiding
  • Ruth hid her hand from friends, coworkers, and dating partners for 25 years.
  • The primary motivation? Fear of rejection, being seen as “disgusting” or “awful,” and not being loved—even a lack of self-love. (05:48, Ruth)

The Cost of Hiding

• Emotional Toll

  • Hiding is exhausting, lonely, impacts mental and physical health, and prevents genuine connection.
  • Quote:

    "With hiding, ... a fear of rejection, a fear of judgment... It's incredibly exhausting. It takes a toll on our mental health and our physical health. And honestly, it's lonely." (06:16-07:08, Ruth)

• Isolation and Constant Vigilance

  • The necessity of always remaining emotionally guarded to prevent being "discovered."
  • Quote:

    "You're never really present with anyone. You're just constantly thinking about, when's the next time? When is someone gonna find out?" (07:16, Ruth)

Why Unhiding Matters

• Freedom and Joy
  • The primary benefit is immense relief and joy—no more pretense, more authentic relationships.
• Universal Nature of Hiding
  • Almost everyone is hiding something—be it disability, trauma, sexual identity, mental health, family background, etc.
  • Quote:

    "Something I've learned about hiding is most of us are hiding something, and yet we walk around thinking we're the only ones." (06:16, Ruth)

Hiding in the Workplace

• Strategic Hiding
  • Sometimes hiding continues at work due to lack of psychological safety; Ruth recommends “starting small” by telling a trusted individual before disclosing more widely. (09:30, Ruth)
• Effects on Performance
  • People who hide at work are less present, less creative, and can be misjudged by others as rude or standoffish.
  • Quote:

    "We're not actually able to live our best life and do our best work because we're always thinking about being found out." (08:07, Ruth)

Types of Hiders (12:44-15:40)

1. Guardian: Knows they’re hiding, wants to unhide but unsure how.
2. Wanderer: Uncertain if they’re hiding—may not have considered it before.
3. Open Book: Appears to share everything, but often curates and withholds deeper, vulnerable truths.
4. Fortress: Very guarded, skeptical about the value or safety of sharing personal information.

• Quote:

  “The Fortress is someone who sits there kind of with their arms crossed, being like, 'Why is this important? I want to keep everything guarded.'” (14:57, Ruth)

• Boundary vs. Oversharing

  • Unhiding isn’t the same as oversharing; context, trust, and audience matter, and in some spaces or for some identities, sharing can still be unsafe. (15:52, Ruth)

Listener Stories & Broader Examples

• Recovery, PTSD, Disability, and More
  • Callers and texters shared stories of hiding substance abuse recovery, PTSD, visual disabilities, stutters, educational backgrounds, and intimate partner violence, and the relief felt after finally sharing.
    • “I think having… self-acceptance and starting small is something I’ve had to do for these past 20 years.” (11:00, caller Lara)
    • “Being able to embrace that I have a disability… and not be embarrassed about it, it’s very freeing.” (11:18-12:09, caller Sarah)
  • Cultural identities marked by political trauma (e.g., a Syrian Muslim caller who hides her background after September 11th and October 7th events). (22:32, caller Hannah)
  • Menopause-related sexuality, facing shame and invisibility. (24:35, caller Dominique)

Steps to Unhiding (28:19-30:15)

1. Acknowledge: Admit to yourself what you’re hiding and how it holds you back.
2. Invite: Confide in one trusted person.
3. Build: Find or create a community—often online or in support groups.
4. Share: Sharing your truth can help others feel less alone.
   • Example: Ruth joined the Lucky Finn Project and found 90,000+ with similar limb differences.

• Quote:

  “I didn’t invent hiding. I think I thought I was the only one hiding. And yet there were all these people there who had done similar things…” (29:23, Ruth)

DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) and Disability

• Disability’s Place in DEI

  • Only 4% of companies addressing DEI after the George Floyd protests included disability—even though it’s the largest minority group and cuts across all demographics.
  • Quote:

    “Disability is truly, in terms of the world population, the largest population. So it’s intersectional... a conversation for all of us.” (20:08-21:20, Ruth)

• Workplace Culture

  • Need for systemic changes so hidden differences aren’t penalized and true inclusion is possible.
  • Positive stories exist—one HR director texted about successfully creating more inclusive workplaces with disability-specific outreach and resources. (27:32)

Supporting the Next Generation

• School Age & Social Pressures
  • Ruth encourages kids to find “one person” or group where they can safely be themselves, noting the “pressure with social media, with conforming… a natural development stage.” (18:29, Ruth)

The Societal Responsibility

• Beyond the Individual
  • A parent of neurodiverse young adults called for greater societal compassion and acceptance, rather than putting the onus solely on marginalized people to “find a community.” (30:21-31:32, caller Kim)
  • Ruth agrees: Disability is a universal experience, and “we are out there.” (31:49, Ruth)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Universal Hiding:

  "Most of us are hiding something, and yet we walk around thinking we're the only ones." (06:16, Ruth Rathblot)

• On the Emotional Toll:

  “It’s exhausting. It keeps us feeling disconnected from ourselves and others.” (06:16-07:08, Ruth Rathblot)

• On Strategic Hiding at Work:

  "There are still times and places right now where it is unsafe to hide.” (09:30, Ruth Rathblot)

• On DEI and Disability:

  "Only 4% of those companies actually included disability as part of their agenda with DEI." (20:08, Ruth Rathblot)

• On Building Community:

  “As easy as... just Google that thing that you’re holding back and see who else is out there.” (29:23, Ruth Rathblot)

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Important Timestamps

• Personal Introduction & Ruth's Story: 04:25–06:16
• The Loneliness and Exhaustion of Hiding: 07:08
• Workplace Hiding & Strategic Disclosure: 09:17–10:34
• Types of Hiders: 12:44–15:40
• Boundaries & Oversharing: 15:40–17:20
• Steps to Unhiding: 28:19–30:15
• DEI & Disability Statistics: 20:08–21:20
• Powerful Caller Stories (e.g., PTSD, cultural hiding, menopause): 11:18–26:11

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Tone & Language

The conversation is empathetic, honest, and direct, with both host and guest creating space for vulnerability and listener participation. Ruth brings warmth and authority, blending her lived experience with practical advice and research. Callers and texters contribute with raw, sometimes emotional storytelling, deepening the communal atmosphere of the episode.

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Conclusion

This episode provides a nuanced look at the concept of "unhiding"—what it means, why it matters, and how individuals and organizations can foster greater inclusion and acceptance. Ruth Rathblot’s insight and listeners’ stories illuminate the hidden struggles so many face and the freedom that comes from stepping into authenticity. Unhiding is not only an individual journey but requires cultural change, compassion, and systems that truly see and support people’s whole selves.

Transcript

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[A]

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[B]

This is all of it. I'm Alison Stewart live from the WNYC Studios in soho. Thank you for sharing part of your day with us. I'm grateful you're here. But first, James Earl Jones, Othello, Fences, Darth Vader. He was an icon. He'll be sorely missed. I'm just glad he got to see a Broadway theater named after him in 2022. On today's show, we'll speak with actor Natasha Rothwell about her new series how to Die Alone. We'll also learn about the life, art and legacy of the groundbreaking artist Ramelzi. And we'll talk to artist Futura about his new retrospective at the Bronx Museum. That is a plan so let's get this started with a conversation about how to Unhide yourself. After 25 years of hiding a key part of her identity, Ruth Rathblot finally decided to stop. She took her left hand out of her pocket and revealed to the world that she had a limb deficiency. She was born with amniotic band syndrome. She's become a passionate about she's become passionate about encouraging other people to unhide. Ruth's new book is called Unhide and Live youe Best Life. Do your best work. In it, she argues that hiding aspects of yourself, whether it's a disability, your sexual identity, your mental health status, or something else, isn't just bad for the hider, it's bad for everyone. Unhide and seek. Live your best life. Do your best. Work is out now, and Ruth Rathblatt joins me in studio. Nice to meet you.

[A]

Nice to meet you, too, Alison. I'm excited to be here, listeners.

[B]

We want to hear from you.

[A]

Welcome.

[B]

What's an aspect of yourself that you've always felt that you had to hide from friends or coworkers? Maybe it's a disability or struggle with addiction or family troubles. What have you hidden throughout your life? How'd you finally decide to unhide yourself? What happened when you did? Our Phone lines are open. 2124-3396-9221-2433, wnyc. You can call to us or text to us at that number. 212-433-969-2212, wnyc. Let's tell a little bit about your personal story. When was the first time you realized you were different?

[A]

Sure. Like many of us growing up, I didn't think I was different. I was born in a hospital. And yes, there was a little bit of concern when I was born and people thinking, oh, limb difference wasn't something that was normal. But my parents encouraged me to do everything. They kept me going. And then Allison I got on a bus, a yellow school bus to start a new school, a new high school. And someone stared just a little bit too long when they got on the bus at my hand. And for the first time, I felt super nervous and I felt different. And so my instinct was just tuck it in my pocket, just thinking it would just be for that bus ride. And that was the first moment of really thinking, wow, I'm different.

[B]

When did hiding stop working for you?

[A]

I think hiding is a continuum. It's a journey. I think we're always unhiding and learning and thinking about those parts of ourselves that are different. How do we show them to people? Because there's always. With hiding, Alison, a fear of rejection, a fear of judgment. And so for me, hiding when. When hiding stopped. For me, working about my hand was when I was. It was 25 years later. I literally hid my hand for 25 years from friends, from coworkers, from dating relationships.

[B]

What were you afraid of?

[A]

I was afraid somebody wouldn't like me if they found out. I was afraid of the comments that people would say, oh, it's disgusting. Oh, it's awful. Because those were the comments that I was having in my head myself. I was afraid that people would reject me. And honestly, they wouldn't hire me, they wouldn't date me, they wouldn't love me. And I think what it came to was I didn't actually love myself, but that's what I was so afraid of.

[B]

Well, what did you learn about yourself when you decided to stop hiding?

[A]

The first step in unhiding is self awareness, right? So it's that space of acknowledging it to yourself. What is it that I'm hiding? How is it holding me back? How is it holding me back from connecting? How is it holding me back from thriving and feeling like I belong? And so I think the first piece of that journey was actually just acknowledging what it is that I was hiding and how it was holding me back. And I think what I've. What comes along with unhiding is this immense freedom, this relief, this joy that, wow, I don't have to keep up a facade anymore. Because something I've learned about hiding is most of us are hiding something, and yet we walk around thinking we're the only ones. It's exhausting. It's incredibly exhausting. It takes a toll on our mental health and our physical health. And honestly, it's lonely. It keeps us feeling disconnected from ourselves and others.

[B]

Yeah, I was gonna ask that second part about it being lonely. How did you feel isolated when you were in hiding?

[A]

The interesting thing about hiding is that you never get to let down your guard because you're always worrying about someone finding out. And so you're actually never really present with anyone. You're just constantly thinking about, when's the next time? How is someone gonna find out? When's the time that someone's gonna discover it? And so you're always worried about that. So it keeps you at a distance from people. It keeps you building walls around yourself in relationships with people and relationships with yourself. Cause you actually present.

[B]

Let me read this text. It says, my husband has a visual disability. But doesn't tell anyone. So people think he's very rude when he bumps into them or doesn't shake their hands. The people who do know are so supportive and loving. But he isn't ready to share with certain people, co workers, that he has a disability. He also won't use a cane because he isn't ready to tell the world that he is blind.

[A]

Yeah, that's a universal. From what I hear from people who know the journey of hiding, it's that idea of. And it's interesting, Alison, it affects us in three different ways when we hide. One is absolutely her husband. That feeling of, I can't tell anyone. So there's this pressure internal like that. It's constant with him, I'm imagining. So, yeah, I can't share it with anyone. Somebody won't like me if they do it, they'll reject me. Those pieces, then the second part that you're sharing about that text is we make assumptions then about people's behavior. Right. Because we don't know what's going on. So we do think, oh, they're rude or they're not a team player. They're not a culture fit here. They never have any good ideas because the person that's hiding is so concerned with being found out that they're not present in their life. So they're constantly worrying about those things. So there's that assumption piece that happens with others. And then the third is what? We're not actually able to live our best life and do our best work because we're always thinking about we're gonna be found out. And it is exhausting. And I can imagine his journey. It's exhausting.

[B]

Here's a question for you. This came through via text. I assist people with disabilities interested in employment and wonder how you would approach this conversation with people who feel hiding is safer, better, and necessary at work.

[A]

Yep. It's interesting. In writing the second book, I definitely talk about this concept of what I call strategic hiding. Because there are still times and places right now where it is unsafe to hide. And we are not at a place in some workplaces where it feels safe, where we've created that safe place for people to unhide their differences or disabilities. And so I say start small, and especially with people with disabilities who feel like it's not a safe environment. Start with a manager who maybe, maybe may have safety. Start with an HR director who may be safe. Start with a co worker who you trust. But start small because that allows for. I've had Alison, people share stories about Their managers not wanting to tell their managers about caretaking a family member or even having kids talk about disabilities. I mean, and yet when they talk to a manager about it or an HR person, they're able to start to understand that person can support them differently. They can actually show up for them differently and make, and make work accessible.

[B]

Let's take a call. We're going to go with. I think it's Lair. Lara Lair.

[A]

Hi. Hi.

[B]

From Bridgeport. Nice to meet you.

[C]

Nice to meet you. I love everything that I just heard. I think having I've been in recovery for 20 years and being able to lead more with self acceptance and starting small is something I've had to do for these past 20 years. And just the fear of people not knowing how they're going to react to being a sober individual in all areas of my life was really scary. But I love everything this author is saying.

[B]

Thank you for calling in. Let's talk to Sarah from the Upper west side. Hi, Sarah. Thanks for calling all of it.

[C]

Yes, hi. This is a wonderful program. It's very emotional. I get to hear, I guess, other people that are, you know, unhiding themselves. I literally would hide from post traumatic stress disorder, you know, with someone knocking on a door or just different trigger things. I would literally go under or into a closet. And being able to embrace that I have a disability and say that, not be embarrassed about it, it's very freeing. I hid in between some paneling and Verizon the other day and I had to, you know, tell them like I'm just, I'm coming out. Don't worry. I have ptsd. But I think it's helpful for the world because the world is for the most part loving and kind and they can help you. And it does spread awareness and it gives people the opportunity to show the best side of themselves.

[B]

Sarah, thank you so much for calling in. My guest is Ruth Rathblot. The name of the book is Unhide and seek. Live your best life. Do your best work, listeners. We want to hear from you. What's an aspect of yourself or your life that you felt you had to hide from friends or coworkers? How did you decide to stop hiding it? When? Tell us what it was like when you decided. Give us a call. 2124-3396-9221-2433. You can call in with share with us on the air or you can text to us at that number and tell people the name of your other book.

[A]

Sure. Single handedly Learning to unhide and embrace Connection.

[B]

All right, let's talk about the types of hiders you had. The Guardian, the Wanderer, the Open Book, and the Fortress. Tell us a little bit about each character.

[A]

Yes. So these came out of. When I talk about hiding, Allison, I get four different reactions to the concept of hiding. The first is Ruth, I know exactly what you're talking about. Like the two callers that you just had, I know exactly that idea of what it's like to hide. And so the Hider, the Guardian, is someone who knows what hiding is like, but is curious about, well, how would I unhide if I wanted to? What would that actually look like? Like, why am I hiding? And so it's that person who knows exactly what hiding is and sometimes is looking for that outlet of how could it be different? The second type of person is what I call the Wanderer. It's the person who sits there and is probably listening. One of your audience who's sitting here listening, saying, huh, what am I hiding? Am I hiding anything? And it's a natural reaction, right? It's to be curious. And sometimes with the wonder, there's almost a wall. Like, it's great to ask questions, but are you willing to go deeper? Are you willing to be introspective or what I call do the self centered work to get to see what it is that you're hiding and what's holding you back? The third type is the idea of. And maybe you've met them too, Alison, Because I know I have the open book who says, oh, yes, I'm not hiding anything. I'm an open book. I probably overshare. If anything, there's so much in my life that I tell people, and yet what I found with that, even though. And sometimes they even say, I probably overshare and I shouldn't share that much. I shouldn't. So there's an awareness of the overshare sharing. And yet oftentimes what I found is it's curated, right? It's a curated narrative of this is what I want you to know about me, but I'm not willing to share some other things. And so that's really the open book. And then the Fortress. I actually just met one of them on an elevator recently going to an event and she had her arms crossed in the elevator. We were heading up to an event and we did the usual exchange of, oh, what do you do? What do you do? And I told her, I talk about this idea of hiding and that most of us are hiding and there's this space around unhiding and she said, is that even true? Like, is that even necessary? Aren't we supposed to just show up at work and just get the job done? Why do we need to know people's business? And I'm like, well, it's actually not that it's a little bit more complicated, but the fortress is someone who sits there kind of with their arms crossed, being like, why is this important? Like, I want to keep everything guarded. I don't want to do the work of going further or deeper because maybe it's too painful. Or maybe there is a realization for them that they feel like a fear that if somebody knows something about it, they'll use it against me. So not wanting to go there. So the fortress is very guarded. And not wanting to see maybe the connection of how this might connect them with their teams or other people in their life.

[B]

I want to ask about the open book because it can hide deeper vulnerabilities. When you think about the line between unhiding and oversharing, what is it? What's appropriate for work?

[A]

Yes. So there are boundaries, and I think that's important. I think there's a couple of things that come up with the open book versus unhiding. I think it's about thinking about why is it that you're sharing what you're sharing? Why is it important? How does it make you feel connected to someone else? How is it allowing you to let someone really know you and. And at the same time, not having them carry that thing about you that they had, that. That weight of what it is that you're hiding or what you're dealing with. And so there's a fine boundary. The other piece is that unhiding is a privilege because there are certain groups still in this world that we're in right now and this year that it's unsafe to unhide. And so I think when I think about the open book, it's about allowing for space to not have to share everything. Because it's. I think about different communities, Alison, like the trans community or the Jewish community. There are places where it feels unsafe. And so when I think about the boundaries around unhiding, it's knowing your audience, it's knowing yourself first. It's inviting someone in, it's building that community so that you have that shared experience and. And then sharing your story so that someone else can see themselves in you. And when I think about even the callers that you just had, it's about allowing for just one other person to know what's going on and then start to build that community.

[B]

Got a text here that said, I didn't realize until this segment that I am hiding a few things. One is the stutter I have dealt with my entire life. I speak as little as possible. I met my wife at 17 and we didn't address this issue until I was 30. Also, I hide my career in colleges I have attended because of the community I live in where so many are people from top level colleges and often have exceptional careers. Like your guest said, it is exhausting.

[A]

It's exhausting. It's exhausting. And oftentimes we think we're the only ones with that. And I've had different people share their stories, whether it be a stutter, whether it be an accent, whether it be the education level, finances, family backgrounds. People are hiding things all the time. And so it limits us, right? It limits us in terms of our potential and it limits us in terms of our performance.

[B]

You know, a lot of kids are heading back to school and it's a place where people are self conscious. Like you said in your book, you ended up on this school bus and a kid stared. What would you tell a kid, a little kid, about how to grapple with the pressures to conform or the pressures to hide?

[A]

As someone who worked with young people for my entire career, for 25 years, I think that there's a lot of pressure and I think there's pressure with social media, right? There's pressure with conforming with, even in the classroom and with friends. It's also a natural and healthy development stage, right? The idea of fitting in with your peers, that is a natural Erickson stage of development. And so I think it's about the just again, finding that one person that you can feel connected to or finding that one club or after school activity or in school activity where you feel like you found your people, you found a shared experience with people and it's starting to build that and find safe places. I also think that it's okay to also explore counseling and different ways to deal with something that you may feel is different about yourself.

[B]

We're speaking with the author of Unhide and Seek. Live your best life, do your best work. It's Ruth Rathblatt. We're gonna take more of your calls and your texts after a quick break. This is all of it. This is all of it on wnyc. I'm Alison Stewart. My guest is Ruth Rathblatt. She wrote the book Unhide and live your best life, do your best work. Part of what you talk about a little bit is dei. And you say that people with disabilities have kind of a little bit left out of that equation. A little bit. Why do you think it's important to include DEI disability within dei?

[A]

Sure. There's a couple things, I think. Yes, when you look at some of the statistics and the research, diversity has definitely been left out. I think there was a statistic, Alison, that I talked about in my TEDx, which is this idea that 90% of companies, at the time of Black Lives Matter and George Floyd's death, when that ignited the idea was, let's jump into DEI. And so 90% of companies immediately rushed in, and only 4% of those companies actually included disability as part of their agenda with dei. What's interesting about disability is it's actually the largest minority group. It cuts across all lenses of diversity. You can be any race, any gender, any age, any sexual orientation and have a disability. And disabilities is truly, in terms of the world population, the largest population. So it's intersectional. And it's also. It can happen to us at any time. We can be born with a disability, we can acquire a disability, or we can be taking care of somebody and a caretaker to somebody with a disability. So it's really a conversation for all of us. So it's important that it gets included in that DEI conversation.

[B]

We have somebody who has a text that says, the HR manager is never a safe person to go to. Have you heard that before? HR managers take care of companies. They don't take care of people.

[A]

I think it depends on the company. Right. So I've heard it. And it's the part of the work that I do, which is how do we. We connect with the HR teams to start to build a culture of unhiding, a culture of trust, a culture where people can feel seen and belong and feel heard. And so that's. Yes, I've heard it. And yet at the same time, I don't want to disrespect really great HR managers who are out there who are fighting on behalf of people and championing people.

[B]

Have you ever been in a situation where you really thought to yourself, did that really happen to me?

[C]

That.

[B]

That I didn't get that job because. Or I didn't get that placement of a job because.

[A]

No, because I was hiding so much. So people. The HR manager did not know about my hand. Nobody knew about my hand. I mean, it was. I. Alison, I got so good at hiding. I mean, where it was not part of my interview.

[B]

That's interesting. Let's talk to Hannah from Short Hills, New Jersey. Hi, Hannah, thanks for calling all of it.

[C]

Hi, thank you so much for taking this subject because it really affects a lot of people, specifically my community these last few days. I came to this country 40 years ago and you cannot by any means tell where I'm from. So in the beginning I didn't hide it until I had few issues. And for a while I was hiding it until I met a wonderful friend who made me sure of it. And then 911 came and I went back into that corner again. And now October 7th again came and this is scaring a lot of us. I am a Muslim from Syria. I am extremely white. I have very light hair and no one will tell where I'm from except for my accent. And they asked me, are you from Hungaria? I said yes. I play a game and if I can get away without saying it, I will not say it. But our community now in this country is living in fear. And I thank her so much for this because it does affect us tremendously. And I appreciate what you're doing.

[B]

Thank you so much for sharing your call. Let's talk to Nicole from Westchester. Hi Nicole, thanks for calling.

[C]

Hi, thank you so much for taking my call.

[B]

And you're on the air.

[C]

Hello, thank you very much for taking my call today. So I was hiding some intimate partner violence that I experienced as a 15 year old high school student. I did not talk about this openly, publicly until after I was at least 46 years old. And I learned that the person who had abused me had died, which then freed me to speak about it, to write about it, and to become an advocate for young people for healthy relationships. And it was really life changing for me to do that.

[B]

Thank you so much for calling. And do we have Dominique still? Dominique's online one calling from Brooklyn. Hi Dominique, thanks for calling.

[C]

Hi. I am actually heading right now. It's not my name. So I am one of the millions of women who after menopause lost estrogen and cannot do sexual intercourse anymore. And it's extremely painful and I cannot tell anyone. It's extraordinarily shameful. It's because of the way they society looks at older women. So women not just lose maybe their youthful looks, they lose this huge part of the personality that they cannot talk about. I still date. And what do I say? You know, we can only go so far. Are you okay with this? I even went as far as to post a change, my post for a brief time on one of the dating sites to say I have. I love sex. I love all of it. Except I can't do this. What do you think? And I actually got three responses, and they were positive, but that was it. And I lost my nerve. But I can't even tell friends. How do I tell a date? You know, if you really like someone, you get to a certain point and then it ends. Yeah. And it's really. It's. It's huge. And nobody talks about it. And so you can't really unhide this. People can talk about being gay, but 50 years ago, they wouldn't. Yeah.

[B]

I'm going to have Ruth weigh in. Well, first of all, do you have your response?

[A]

Sure. I think that what's interesting, Dominique, is the idea that you're sharing in terms of thinking that you're the only one and that there are so many of us who have felt like that. And so I think why I share my story is because it allows for others to then start to say, oh, I have felt like that too. And so I imagine. And I'm just throwing this out there and inviting you to think about. Because you've started that journey of acknowledging what it is that you're hiding is starting by inviting one person in to talk to you about it, like you're doing here, because there are so many of us, again, that will understand or have understood or have gone through it. And the third is the idea of building your community because it can be as easy as a Google search or even just finding an online community, because I know personally, Dominique, other women who are managing through what you're managing through. And then it's. The reason I share my story, again, is so that others can say, yeah, I'm hiding too. And it doesn't. It often feels like we're the only one. It often feels exhausting and lonely and that no one will like us or date us or love us. And actually, when we start to let down some of those guards, we become much more connected to others.

[B]

We've got a text from an HR manager.

[A]

I am an HR director at a.

[B]

Cultural institution, and since 2017, we've been working to welcome people with disabilities to our workplace, including active recruitment and attention and training on our staff on inclusivity and welcoming these colleagues. Plus, among other resources, also provide ASL classes to all staff and live in person. ASL translation to all, meaning to all. Meeting, meetings.

[A]

So beautiful.

[B]

To your point, it depends on this place.

[A]

It depends on the place, and I think it's a talent strategy. Right. So it's from recruitment what she's identifying to then retention. How do we engage employees While they're there. And then what do we do, Allison, with that exit information that we get from employees, too? So it's a total talent life cycle challenge around and strategy around disability and inclusion.

[B]

You list four steps to unhiding. Acknowledge, invite, build and share. We've talked about acknowledge. We've talked about invite, build and share.

[A]

Yes. So just like the callers before, I think there's this idea again that we're alone in this, that nobody else has dealt with anything that we're dealing with. And what's amazing is when I was, as part of my journey, after I had invited somebody in to show me how to love my hand, how to touch it, how to actually look at it, I started to notice others almost like the guards. What do you call it? Those guards, those blinders that I had on about that I was the only one started to fade. And I remember being at a Duane Reade, a pharmacy, and seeing someone with a limb difference like mine almost for the first time, really putting it together, and went over and started talking to her, and she said, well, you know, there's a whole group of us online. It's called the Lucky Finn Project. And at that time, Alison, I think there were 30 people on this Facebook group. Now it's over 90,000 people. And for the first time, I saw myself represented online with different hands that looked like mine. I rushed home and looked at that, and then I went to their picnic that they have outside of Detroit. And I realized I wasn't alone, because I was and I didn't. I think the biggest takeaway was I didn't invent hiding. I think I thought I was the only one hiding. And yet there were all these people there who had done similar things, who had had those shared experience, dealt with the stares, who dealt with the comments. So it was just affirming and reaffirming to know I wasn't alone. And so that building of community. And that's why I suggested the idea of it's as easy as. Because of the Internet now. Just Google that thing that you're holding back and see who else is out there. Because there are meetups, there are groups pretty much for everything right now. And if people don't know how to find it, they can contact me and I can help them with that.

[B]

There's one more call. We want to talk to Kim. Hi, Kim, calling from Manhattan.

[C]

Hi. I'm a parent of young adults who's now entering college with autism, adhd, anxiety, and the whole nine yards. And I will say, as much as it's great to hear you give solutions to people who are in this situation. I think the greater part of it is to address the larger community and our, our population as human beings, to be more compassionate and to be more accepting that all of these disabilities are not necessarily other than, but they are part of the norm. You talk about intersectionality that exists and literally if you look at anybody, they can literally identify somebody in their family, in their friend circle, in their school, in their workplace that have something like that. But, but it's unnecessary for these people to have to try to always fit in, always have to find a community, always have to try to figure out how to get things done. Why isn't it that our society is more compassionate and to go from more proactive?

[B]

I'm going to put. Kim, I'm going to stop you right there because we're starting to run out of time.

[A]

Appreciate your point.

[B]

Do you want to answer her or follow up?

[A]

No, I think, Kim, what you're saying too is. Yeah, it's a, this is a challenge. That's why I say disability is the largest minority group because we are out there.

[B]

Ruth Rathblot the name of the book is Unhide and Seek. Live your best life, do your best work. Thanks for coming in.

[A]

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[B]

Everything done, you just need Wix.

[A]

Try it out for [e-mail] For 140 years, MultiCare has been in Washington prioritizing long term solutions, partnering with local communities and expanding access to care. Together we're building a healthier future. Learn [e-mail].