Podcast Summary: "Ruth Rathblot on How to Unhide Yourself"

Podcast: All Of It (WNYC)
Host: Alison Stewart
Date: September 10, 2024
Guest: Ruth Rathblot, author of Unhide and Seek: Live Your Best Life, Do Your Best Work

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on what it really means to "unhide" ourselves—shedding the aspects of our identities we've felt compelled to conceal. Ruth Rathblot shares her personal journey of living with a limb difference and spending 25 years hiding it, ultimately finding freedom and connection through self-acceptance and openness. The discussion expands to include how hiding affects people living with disabilities, trauma, addiction, and more, both in personal and professional contexts. Listeners call in with powerful stories of their own, making for a moving exploration of self-acceptance and cultural change.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Ruth Rathblot’s Story: Early Experiences With Hiding

• Discovering Difference
  • Ruth didn't see herself as different until starting high school, when a student stared at her left hand, which she was born with a limb difference due to amniotic band syndrome.
  • Quote:

    "For the first time, I felt super nervous and I felt different. And so my instinct was just tuck it in my pocket, just thinking it would just be for that bus ride." (04:25, Ruth)

• The Duration of Hiding
  • Ruth hid her hand from friends, coworkers, and dating partners for 25 years.
  • The primary motivation? Fear of rejection, being seen as “disgusting” or “awful,” and not being loved—even a lack of self-love. (05:48, Ruth)

The Cost of Hiding

• Emotional Toll

  • Hiding is exhausting, lonely, impacts mental and physical health, and prevents genuine connection.
  • Quote:

    "With hiding, ... a fear of rejection, a fear of judgment... It's incredibly exhausting. It takes a toll on our mental health and our physical health. And honestly, it's lonely." (06:16-07:08, Ruth)

• Isolation and Constant Vigilance

  • The necessity of always remaining emotionally guarded to prevent being "discovered."
  • Quote:

    "You're never really present with anyone. You're just constantly thinking about, when's the next time? When is someone gonna find out?" (07:16, Ruth)

Why Unhiding Matters

• Freedom and Joy
  • The primary benefit is immense relief and joy—no more pretense, more authentic relationships.
• Universal Nature of Hiding
  • Almost everyone is hiding something—be it disability, trauma, sexual identity, mental health, family background, etc.
  • Quote:

    "Something I've learned about hiding is most of us are hiding something, and yet we walk around thinking we're the only ones." (06:16, Ruth)

Hiding in the Workplace

• Strategic Hiding
  • Sometimes hiding continues at work due to lack of psychological safety; Ruth recommends “starting small” by telling a trusted individual before disclosing more widely. (09:30, Ruth)
• Effects on Performance
  • People who hide at work are less present, less creative, and can be misjudged by others as rude or standoffish.
  • Quote:

    "We're not actually able to live our best life and do our best work because we're always thinking about being found out." (08:07, Ruth)

Types of Hiders (12:44-15:40)

1. Guardian: Knows they’re hiding, wants to unhide but unsure how.
2. Wanderer: Uncertain if they’re hiding—may not have considered it before.
3. Open Book: Appears to share everything, but often curates and withholds deeper, vulnerable truths.
4. Fortress: Very guarded, skeptical about the value or safety of sharing personal information.

• Quote:

  “The Fortress is someone who sits there kind of with their arms crossed, being like, 'Why is this important? I want to keep everything guarded.'” (14:57, Ruth)

• Boundary vs. Oversharing

  • Unhiding isn’t the same as oversharing; context, trust, and audience matter, and in some spaces or for some identities, sharing can still be unsafe. (15:52, Ruth)

Listener Stories & Broader Examples

• Recovery, PTSD, Disability, and More
  • Callers and texters shared stories of hiding substance abuse recovery, PTSD, visual disabilities, stutters, educational backgrounds, and intimate partner violence, and the relief felt after finally sharing.
    • “I think having… self-acceptance and starting small is something I’ve had to do for these past 20 years.” (11:00, caller Lara)
    • “Being able to embrace that I have a disability… and not be embarrassed about it, it’s very freeing.” (11:18-12:09, caller Sarah)
  • Cultural identities marked by political trauma (e.g., a Syrian Muslim caller who hides her background after September 11th and October 7th events). (22:32, caller Hannah)
  • Menopause-related sexuality, facing shame and invisibility. (24:35, caller Dominique)

Steps to Unhiding (28:19-30:15)

1. Acknowledge: Admit to yourself what you’re hiding and how it holds you back.
2. Invite: Confide in one trusted person.
3. Build: Find or create a community—often online or in support groups.
4. Share: Sharing your truth can help others feel less alone.
   • Example: Ruth joined the Lucky Finn Project and found 90,000+ with similar limb differences.

• Quote:

  “I didn’t invent hiding. I think I thought I was the only one hiding. And yet there were all these people there who had done similar things…” (29:23, Ruth)

DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) and Disability

• Disability’s Place in DEI

  • Only 4% of companies addressing DEI after the George Floyd protests included disability—even though it’s the largest minority group and cuts across all demographics.
  • Quote:

    “Disability is truly, in terms of the world population, the largest population. So it’s intersectional... a conversation for all of us.” (20:08-21:20, Ruth)

• Workplace Culture

  • Need for systemic changes so hidden differences aren’t penalized and true inclusion is possible.
  • Positive stories exist—one HR director texted about successfully creating more inclusive workplaces with disability-specific outreach and resources. (27:32)

Supporting the Next Generation

• School Age & Social Pressures
  • Ruth encourages kids to find “one person” or group where they can safely be themselves, noting the “pressure with social media, with conforming… a natural development stage.” (18:29, Ruth)

The Societal Responsibility

• Beyond the Individual
  • A parent of neurodiverse young adults called for greater societal compassion and acceptance, rather than putting the onus solely on marginalized people to “find a community.” (30:21-31:32, caller Kim)
  • Ruth agrees: Disability is a universal experience, and “we are out there.” (31:49, Ruth)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Universal Hiding:

  "Most of us are hiding something, and yet we walk around thinking we're the only ones." (06:16, Ruth Rathblot)

• On the Emotional Toll:

  “It’s exhausting. It keeps us feeling disconnected from ourselves and others.” (06:16-07:08, Ruth Rathblot)

• On Strategic Hiding at Work:

  "There are still times and places right now where it is unsafe to hide.” (09:30, Ruth Rathblot)

• On DEI and Disability:

  "Only 4% of those companies actually included disability as part of their agenda with DEI." (20:08, Ruth Rathblot)

• On Building Community:

  “As easy as... just Google that thing that you’re holding back and see who else is out there.” (29:23, Ruth Rathblot)

Important Timestamps

• Personal Introduction & Ruth's Story: 04:25–06:16
• The Loneliness and Exhaustion of Hiding: 07:08
• Workplace Hiding & Strategic Disclosure: 09:17–10:34
• Types of Hiders: 12:44–15:40
• Boundaries & Oversharing: 15:40–17:20
• Steps to Unhiding: 28:19–30:15
• DEI & Disability Statistics: 20:08–21:20
• Powerful Caller Stories (e.g., PTSD, cultural hiding, menopause): 11:18–26:11

Tone & Language

The conversation is empathetic, honest, and direct, with both host and guest creating space for vulnerability and listener participation. Ruth brings warmth and authority, blending her lived experience with practical advice and research. Callers and texters contribute with raw, sometimes emotional storytelling, deepening the communal atmosphere of the episode.

Conclusion

This episode provides a nuanced look at the concept of "unhiding"—what it means, why it matters, and how individuals and organizations can foster greater inclusion and acceptance. Ruth Rathblot’s insight and listeners’ stories illuminate the hidden struggles so many face and the freedom that comes from stepping into authenticity. Unhiding is not only an individual journey but requires cultural change, compassion, and systems that truly see and support people’s whole selves.