Podcast Episode Summary:

Podcast: All Of It
Host: Alison Stewart (WNYC)
Episode: ‘Someone Spectacular’ Play (Mental Health Mondays)
Date: July 22, 2024
Special Guest: Dominica Ferro, Playwright

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on the new play Someone Spectacular by Dominica Ferro, currently running at the Pershing Square Signature Center. The play explores the nature of grief, group healing, and the unpredictability of support systems when dealing with significant loss. As part of the All Of It's Mental Health Mondays, the conversation dives into personal and collective approaches to grief, both as experienced in real life and dramatized in the play. Callers also share moving experiences and insights about grief and counseling.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origin and Personal Roots of the Play

• Ferro shares the deeply personal impetus for writing the play, which comes from her own experience losing her mother unexpectedly.
• She describes beginning to write “about nine months after my mom died,” despite not feeling “ready.” The experience was compulsive:

  “There was something—the play was stronger than me, so it just had to come out.” (Dominica Ferro, 03:57)

2. Grief Counseling: Real Experience & Artistic Translation

• Ferro discusses grief counseling's significance in her healing, and why she believes it’s important to carve out specific time for grief, ideally with experts and peers who truly “get it.”
• She notes the particular challenges when multiple people in a family grieve the same person differently:

  “No two people grieve the same way… and it is figuring out how to stay with each other and communicate through the tough moments.” (Dominica Ferro, 05:28)

• Key Insight: Family can be both a source of support and tension, as everyone's grieving style varies.

3. The Set-Up: Why the Group Proceeds without the Counselor

• The play opens with six people waiting for a grief counselor who never arrives. Instead of leaving, they continue—and chaos, followed by genuine connection, ensues.
• Ferro explains the characters' motivations:

  “They need to share… The people in their own life are grieving the same person, so it doesn’t feel like they can talk to their own family or friends in the same way.” (Dominica Ferro, 07:06)

• Some members, especially Nell and Lily, actively embrace the absence for a more authentic, “inmates running the asylum” experience.

4. Audience and Play Structure

• The play is intentionally staged with no grand entrances—audiences arrive as the characters do, heightening a sense of mystery and realism.
• Ferro wanted the audience to feel the uncertainty and tension of the group as they wait for guidance (Beth, the counselor) that never arrives. There's even a slightly surreal, “Waiting for Godot feeling” to the proceedings.

  “There is this feeling after losing somebody very close to you that you feel like you're trapped in a horror movie. And are they in purgatory?” (Dominica Ferro, 12:14)

5. Character Creation: Easiest and Hardest to Write

• Jude (recovering from a miscarriage) was hardest to write, being the furthest from Ferro’s own life, although inspired by her mother’s story.
• Nell (blunt and direct) was the most fun and natural, mainly because she energizes the play.
• Audience-favorite comic moment: Nell dumping her bag out on stage—“the bagography”—which always gets a big laugh for being so relatable.

  “She empties her bag, there’s all this stuff, then pats herself and her phone’s in her pocket. We’ve all done that.” (Dominica Ferro, 16:13)

6. The “Grief Olympics” and Comparison in Grieving

• Both in her life and in the play, Ferro recognizes the temptation to compare the magnitude of one’s grief to others, often fueled by guilt or a sense of injustice.
• She references “Crying in H Mart” by Michelle Zauner, which candidly addresses feelings of resentment, envy, and guilt among the grieving.
• Ferro’s father offered grounding advice:

  “Loss is loss and pain is pain… There’s always going to be a situation that’s sadder than yours… All you can do is focus on what you are feeling.” (Dominica Ferro, 17:02)

7. Grief, Guilt, and Living On

• The character Tom, a widower dating again, raises the topic of guilt—especially “survivor’s guilt.”
• Ferro reflects personally:

  “It felt wrong to live when she could not. That was a huge thing for me.” (Dominica Ferro, 21:12)

• Discusses the societal differences in how we support widowers versus widows, and how men often lack deep social support, making new romantic relationships both more likely and more complicated.

8. Humor in Grief

• While not intended as a comedy, Someone Spectacular finds laughter in pain.

  “The audience yesterday was clapping and laughing at the same time… What got me through it was… sharing funny stories about her and laughing.” (Dominica Ferro, 24:00)

• Humor is shown to be an essential tool in coping and moving forward through loss.

9. Supernatural/Symbolism & Belief in the Afterlife

• A subtle supernatural element appears in the play, mirroring Ferro’s personal belief that loved ones find ways to say hello from beyond.
• She shares poignant anecdotes about interpreting “flickering lights” as signs from her mother.

  “Lights flicker all the time for me. It was like she was saying, ‘Hi, I'm here.’” (Dominica Ferro, 25:18)

Listener Contributions & Memorable Moments

[09:06] Sharon from Queens

• Shared experiences with multiple losses in her family, underscoring the importance of grief counseling, especially for children.

  "Grief is something… It's not even the grief, it's the loss. It's something you never get over but you have to go through." (Caller Sharon, 10:03)

[10:10] Vicki from Westchester

• Reflected on grieving her father and learning about death as a process; highlighted cultural stigmas around being present at end-of-life.

  “In the Puerto Rican community anyway, in my generation… why would you want to spend time with somebody who’s dying?... I want to be with that person. I want to be a support.” (Caller Vicki, 11:17)

[20:26] Anonymous Text Message

• Expressed how siblings often get overlooked in the grieving process, both in support and attention, emphasizing the hidden grief of “no man’s land.”

Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• On writing the play:

  “I was sobbing hysterically while writing it… It has to be written. There was something—the play was stronger than me.”
  (Dominica Ferro, 03:57)

• On family grieving differently:

  “No two people grieve the same way, even when you’re grieving the same person... It doesn’t mean they’re not hurting just as much as you are.”
  (Dominica Ferro, 05:28)

• On guilt in grief:

  “It felt wrong to live when she could not.”
  (Dominica Ferro, 21:12)

• On the humor that emerges:

  “I was really surprised after I wrote the play… the audience was clapping and laughing at the same time. It is funny… what got me through it was… just sharing funny stories about her and laughing.”
  (Dominica Ferro, 24:00)

• On the afterlife and signs:

  “After her death, lights flicker all the time for me… It was like she was saying, ‘Hi, I'm here.’”
  (Dominica Ferro, 25:18)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:57 — Ferro describes the impetus and experience of writing the play
• 05:28 — Value of grief counseling and family dynamics in grief
• 07:06 — Why the group stays after the counselor doesn’t show
• 12:14 — On creating realistic unease and audience engagement at the play’s start
• 16:13 — A comedic moment: Nell’s “bagography”
• 17:02 — Competing in grief, inspired by “Crying in H Mart”
• 21:12 — Guilt, survival, and why grief can feel isolating
• 24:00 — The unexpected humor that arises amidst grief
• 25:18 — Ferro’s belief in signs from the afterlife

Conclusion

This episode of All Of It offers an intimate look at grief—how we experience, process, and support one another through it. With honesty, warmth, and a surprising dose of humor, Dominica Ferro and Alison Stewart illuminate the many layers of loss, from family dynamics to cultural attitudes to the very real power of art and shared stories. The lines between personal memory, collective ritual, and the magic of theater blur in this moving conversation.

“Death is… I’m a writer and I’m at a loss for words. So I do think that however you feel in that is completely valid.”
— Dominica Ferro (18:00)