B (3:26)

Hi, Kusha. Congratulations to you. That is so exciting.

A (3:30)

I appreciate it. Thank you very much. And this is a perfect segment for us to be talking about. We're, we're in it together. So listeners, we want you in it too. We're opening up our phones because we want to hear from you. What's something you did for your bachelorette party that really worked or didn't work? If you're a bridesmaid, what are some ways that you're managing costs and time off? What are some bachelorette party trends that you like or or don't like? We're taking thoughts, advice, hot takes, questions for Gabby, all about bachelorette parties. Hit us up. Call text. We're at 212-433-9692. That's 212-433. W N Y C. Gabby, it really does seem like bachelorette parties have gotten bigger and more, you know, expensive coordinated than ever. Why do you think we're seeing that happen?

B (4:22)

You know, what's happening is people are so excited to celebrate and they have big circles of friends and family. They don't want to exclude anyone. So I don't think it's a reaction of brides trying to make things more over the top necessarily for themselves. They're just really excited about this moment and they really want to bring everyone in, you know, and in our digital, social media driven world, a lot of it is too focused on, you know, what they're doing for the Instagram and what they're doing for those posts. So there's a point there too, that people want to make things look really aesthetically beautiful and really fun. It's all coming together in sort of these different ways.

A (4:59)

Do you think there is too many people to invite on a bachelorette party trip? And if so, what? What's the cap?

B (5:07)

I think that's a super personal question. So it is going to be different for every person. My maximum bachelorette party number is going to be very different than anyone else's. I think my best tip is invite the number that you feel like you can actually prioritize spending quality time with on this trip. If you don't think can spend quality time with 20 people, then don't invite 20 people. You want the number to be people that you can spend a meaningful, you know, weekend with.

A (5:34)

Yeah. You know, we just got a text from a listener that reads, I propose. Nice, nice pun there, by the way. I propose no more bachelorette parties. Do Americans spend more than other countries or cultures? Do you have any sense of that, Gabby?

B (5:48)

You know, I can't compare it to other countries or cultures, but I do know that the average bachelorette party is costing participants around $1,200, which feel feels like a lot, especially if you're going to multiple events in one season. So, you know, the number is up there. And I think, I wouldn't say do away with them, but I think being mindful of what your group can meaningfully afford is, really, is. Is helpful.

A (6:12)

Yeah. And so, you know, let's say that you're bringing together a bunch of friends who don't really know each other for your bachelorette party. What should you communicate about your expectations for your bridesmaids up front, considering that things are so different for individuals at different stages of life, different circumstances?

B (6:31)

Yep. First and foremost, I think understanding what everyone is willing to pay and if there's a cap people, you know, have in mind, everybody is, is working with different budgets and has different expenses that they're. They're dealing with. So starting from that and letting people kind of tell you what they're comfortable with is super important. I think otherwise, you know, when it comes to setting expectations for the group, letting everyone know how many people are going to be there and perhaps giving them an opportunity to get together before is really kind.

A (7:01)

We're talking to Gabby Relo Duffy, who's the senior editorial director of Brides. They have a new brides package called A guide to New age bachelorette Parties and listeners. We're opening up our phones to hear from you about your experiences, your tips, your questions about bachelorette parties. Give us a call. Text us. 212-433-9692. Gabby, we have our first caller, Ashley in Stamford, Connecticut. Hey, Ashley, welcome to the show. Hey, Ashley, what's your story?

C (7:34)

So I planned my best friend's bachelorette in Charleston, South Carolina, and it went so smoothly. Totally planned to a T. I attribute that one to my. The bride and I had many conversations to create some tenants or some north stars to the whole vibe that she wanted, which was mosey and cozy. Never wanted to be Rushed wanted enough space between all activities and for it not to be too hype. Big tip I keep sharing is prefix dinners. That was the biggest saving grace, knowing that one. Everyone knew what they were going to eat. It was already all paid for and no one felt bad about. She ordered that and I wish I had had.

A (8:15)

Ashley, thank you so much for that call. Pre fixed dinners, that's an interesting idea. Gabby. Any, any experience with that, if that actually does help out?

B (8:24)

You know, I see a lot of people doing things like this like organizing a dinner before or hiring a chef to cater a dinner. So there are costs upfro that people are paying instead of, you know, getting to the table and having that sticker shock. So I think anything that you can outline ahead of time with those prefix costs are super, super smart. So I love the prefix dinner and.

A (8:44)

We really appreciate you calling in, Ashley. We also have another caller, Nora from North Salem, New York. Hey, Nora, welcome to the show.

C (8:52)

Hey. So I did one night only, from like 6pm to midnight, a dinner and karaoke with local friends because I did not want people to have to travel or go far out of their way. And my sister planned it. And honestly I thought it was all the better for being one night because it was more fun in less time and nobody got fatigued.

A (9:24)

Nora, thanks so much. That fatigue is real. I mean, you're around people that you often haven't met before. Gabby. Right. Any tips on how to make the most amount of fun possible in the right amount of time? Like, like Nora was talking about?

B (9:39)

Yeah, I think, I think one night can be absolutely perfect. If that's what you want to do, do it. You know, don't feel compelled to have a weekend long event just because that's what other people are doing. If you want a weekend long event, give people time to recharge, don't actually fill it with activities. Don't feel like you have to clock in all of that fun in the 24 hour period. You can plan a few things each day, give people time to recharge and rest and, you know, let them refuel that social battery.

A (10:07)

And it's interesting when we're talking about shrinking it down because we do have another text on here that ays, at Olivet, WNYC, cancel all the parties. It's too much. Bridesmaid three times, maid of honor twice and bride once. So, you know, we're hearing this push and pull or at least a spectrum of opinions here. Is there any sense of replacements for bachelorette parties or alternatives that people are doing? I Don't know if they're fancy Zoom calls or something, but have you seen anything like that, Gabby?

B (10:37)

You know, I've actually been invited to a Zoom bachelorette party, so I think you can totally celebrate in any way. There's no rule that says you have to do these big events if you don't want to do them. There are a lot of events that go into a wedding and I think we have to come back to the heart of it is all about celebration. Couples are really excited to celebrate their love with their friends and family. So it's not coming out of a place of people just trying to force everyone to come to lots of events. They really just are looking to celebrate. But, you know, you can always, you can always politely decline or you can always, if you're the couple getting married, host fewer things. There's no rule that says you have to do them all.

A (11:15)

Is there etiquette around politely declining? What that looks like, what to avoid?

B (11:20)

Yeah, I think honestly the biggest thing is being super transparent. So if it is because you are invited to four other bachelorette parties and you have already committed, don't lie and say you have a work event that will always get you in hot water. Just say, honestly, I can't, I can't strap it financially right now. It's not going to work for me this season. But I want to celebrate with you in another meaningful way and, you know, do some one on one time and celebrate this momentous time with them. Other than being transparent, give them plenty of notice. Do not drop out at the last moment, do not string anyone along and make them think you're coming because that affects costs for everyone. So the earlier you can tell people and as honest as you can be, is always what's going to be.

A (12:01)

Most appreciated listeners, if you're just joining us, this is all of it on wnyc. I'm Kushan Avadar and we're talking to Gabby Relo Duffy, who is the senior editorial director of Brides. We're talking about bachelorette parties, how they look today, what questions you have about them, why are they getting longer and it seems more expensive. We're opening up the phones to you. Give us a call. Give us a text. 212-433-9692. Gabby, here's a text that I'd love to read. It reads all of it. I was so sad the last time I was in Nashville to see that the downtown area has essentially been taken over by drunk women in the evenings. I love the idea of celebrating this momentous Moment with close friends, but dot, dot, dot. And you know, there are a lot of cities in the US that kind of have bachelorette bachelor parties as a destination. Destination bachelor and bachelorette parties are becoming more of a thing. What are some things to keep in mind when selecting a destination for a trip?

B (13:04)

Trip, Yeah. I think you have to choose the destination that makes the most sense for the vibe you're going for. If you want a big downtown scene and a party vibe, don't pick, you know, a quaint beach town or like a really sleepy, romantic city that's not going to be filled with other younger groups or groups of individual celebrants. You know, there are tons of popular locations like Palm Springs and the Hamptons. You know, Austin, Nashville. All of these places are super popular. If you want something little more off the beaten path, probably don't pick one of those. Pick somewhere that feels meaningful to you. If there's a beach town you love. If you want to go to a national park, there are no rules around where you have to go. So I think, you know, choose something that meets the aesthetic or the vibe that you're going for.

A (13:55)

Let's go to Janine in Astoria. Hi, Janine. Welcome to the show.

B (13:59)

Hi.

C (14:00)

Thanks for taking my call.

A (14:01)

Absolutely. What's your story?

C (14:04)

I've been on a couple of travel bachelorette weekends, and what was great about it was that a lot of us would have been traveling anyway. I have friends from high school who have moved away. I have friends from college where we had all come from different corners of the globe. And everybody gathering in a special place was actually easier than if you had had kind of some people coming from out of town and some not. And also, I'm in my 30s, and I wasn't able to travel with my friends in high school, certainly, or really even college and not in my 20s because I wasn't making enough money. So now that I'm making slightly more money, I'm really ready to hang out with all my friends and just cool places that I didn't get to go to before.

A (14:51)

Thanks so much, Jeanine. Gabby, what does that bring up for you when you. When you listen to Jeanine talking about the.

B (14:55)

That. Yeah, this is exactly why we are seeing bachelorette parties becoming bigger and potentially more extravagant or in more far flung locales because, you know, the average couple is getting married older than they were 10, 20, 30 years ago. So people do have money and they do want to spend time with their friends in these unique and, you know, memorable ways. So because people can generally Afford it. That is why we're seeing this happening. You know, it doesn't mean that everyone in your group can afford it, though. So like I said before, being really mindful of budget for the entire group. If you have some people in the group who are, are in, you know, their 20s, are still just starting out in their careers, they might not be able to afford what, you know, the sister of the bride can afford, who's in her 40s and is well established.

A (15:44)

Let's go to Aaron in East Meadow, New York. Hi, Aaron. Welcome to the show.

C (15:49)

Hey, thanks for taking my call. So I witnessed my sister go through the whole wedding process, and she did have a bachelorette party. She did have a bridal shower. And I watched the costs add up in real time. Something I want to specifically mention is that the souvenirs and the goody bags that come with the planning these trips, you know, I personally don't believe everyone needs to have a customized T shirt for the event. Everyone does not need a customized wine glass. Everyone does not need a customized, you know, like, little ribbon tied bag of Hershey Kisses. I think the cost adds up a lot. And a lot of that stuff just sits at the bottom of your drawer or becomes a sleep shirt. That's just my two cents. I think a lot of stress and money goes into stuff to make it seem very extravagant, but it's more about the experience of being with the people than the goodies that you give out. So I just wanted to mention the materialist side of things and how stressful it can be.

A (16:54)

Yeah. Erin, thank you so much for that. Gabby, what is your opinion on Bachelorette swag?

B (17:00)

Yeah, so it's tough because the bride is often doing that stuff or putting that stuff together as a way to say thank you. So they're trying to say, I recognize that you've done this at financial cost to yourself, and I want to give something back to you as a way, way to say thanks for being here. If you think your group isn't going to be the type of people who want T shirts or hats or bags, that's totally fine. I think what can be really nice is for the honoree to host something in honor of everyone else. So even if it's, you know, bringing in bagels and coffee for everyone on the last morning, you know, footing the bill for something instead of giving out more stuff can be a really nice way to do it. But at the heart of it, you know, if you want to give stuff, I think, think, think about the ways or think about the Items people will actually want. They probably don't want something with your name and wedding date on it, but they might want something that, you know, speaks to the location. If you are in Cape Cod, get a cool Cape Cod hat for everyone. If you're in Vegas, you know, maybe treat everyone to a round of poker.

A (18:02)

If you're just tuning in, listeners, we're talking to Gabby Rillo Duffy, who's the senior editorial director of Brides. The new brides package that they're offering is called A Guide to New Age Bachelorette Parties. And we're taking your calls. Bachelorette parties, what's the etiquette? What are the difficulties that you've experienced? What are the wins that you've experienced? And there's a text that we just received that I would love to read. It says all of it is going downhill. Bachelorette parties, really? And I want to point that out because I love getting texts like this because it exposes something that I think is important about bachelorette parties to begin with. And this show, we're called all of it for a reason. I think. I mean, yesterday you could talk to the opera singer like Rachel Willis Sorensen or author Leigh Bardug. Go later on the show. Today we're going to talk to the Grammy award winning musician Nicole Zaritis. But sometimes we talk about things that are affecting your personal life right now. Like, you know, is a hot dog, a sandwich, which I'm sure a lot of bachelor and bachelorette parties have spent debating and things like this right now that affect your personal life. Gabby, can you break that down for us a little bit? Why do bachelorette parties end up becoming so important, end up requiring so much work and so many people experience it in their own lives. Yeah.

B (19:15)

I mean, there are so many weddings. We're coming off this wedding boom. We saw so many weddings in the last few years. Now we're in what we're calling the engagement boom. People who started dating in 2020 and 2021 are getting engaged now. They're about to get married. You know, we see couples date for two to four years. So this is what's really happening for so many people right now. Like I said, bachelorette parties are celebratory experience. People just want to, you know, have fun with their loved ones in honor of this momentous occasion. But with that being said, I think everyone has a story. Everyone has had, you know, that one bachelorette party that didn't go great or the one that was absolutely amazing and so much fun. And I think they can be controversial in that way because there's so much emotion tied to them, a lot of planning, a lot of money, you might have a great time, you might have wished something went a little different. And that's okay because at the end of the day that that party is not for the attendees really. I mean, you want them all to have a good time. But this party is being thrown and tailored for the person who's getting married. So I might not love Vegas personally, but if my best friend really wants to go to Vegas for her bachelorette party, I'm going to be there because this is her party. So I think just shifting the perspective a little and thinking about it as an opportunity to celebrate someone in a way that's really important to them can, can really change your mindset around it all.

A (20:40)

Absolutely. And you know, maybe we should talk quickly about the things that can be planned to make sure as many people enjoy the experience as possible. We heard from a previous caller that there were some nice activities that did. They did that, that bonded them. What are some popular, tried and true ways of making the relationships that you hope are there? Good icebreakers, good activities. Any advice there?

B (21:03)

Yeah, so I think my, my biggest tip from the outset is to start by sending everyone, you know, like a little survey. It can be something through Google Sheets or Google Docs talks, something super simple that allows people to say like what their personal expectations are. So if they are the type of people who want to stay in or want to have more adventure type activities, you can crowdsource that information and get a handle on what the group wants as a whole. Because there's nothing worse than trying to get a group of like total introverts to go out and do karaoke. Per previous example, if they're not going to be the type of people who are going to want to sing, it's going to be a kind of a downer event. But if they're the type of people who would really love a spa night, that's super easy to orchestrate. So knowing what the group wants is, is super key. Icebreakers can be a really good idea. I think keeping the first night super casual if it's a multi night event. So letting everyone have a chance to get to know each other, not asking people to, you know, get dressed up and go out. Keeping it low key can be a really good way to start it off and then, you know, kind of feel it from there, see what people want to do. But give people downtime and give people options.

A (22:14)

Downtime options. Keep it low key to begin with. All Important things that I hear you saying, not just for bachelorette parties, but I think any real gathering of folks. Let the water come to a boil. Don't turn it on high right to begin with. I hear that. Let's go to Gene in New York. Hi, Jean. Welcome to the show.

C (22:32)

Hi, how are you?

A (22:33)

Wonderful. What's your story?

C (22:36)

So I went to a bachelorette party several years ago, and it should have been a great time in Vegas over a long weekend, but it ended up being this sort of crazy competitive, you know, jets versus sharks between the bride's childhood friends versus her work friends. And it was just completely bizarre that people were getting excluded and, you know, even different tabs, you know, we're not paying for your drinks. You have your own thing. It was the most bizarre experience of my life.

A (23:10)

Wow.

C (23:11)

I mean, for something that's supposed to be a celebration of the bride and everyone coming together, and there just ended up being a lot of hostility.

A (23:19)

I'm sorry to hear that, Gene, but I appreciate you calling in because I think this is something a lot of people experience. It's difficult when you have many different folks from different parts of your life coming in, all trying to make friendly at the same time. Gabby, any advice on how to handle tough social dynamics in the moment, moment after the moment? Whatever you think.

B (23:40)

Yeah. So if you can bring everyone together before, especially if you're all going to get on a flight together, if you can host everyone for, like a quick brunch at your house, or if you can, you know, get everyone together for a drink at the airport even before you take off, just a way to let people kind of get to know each other and let the groups all meld. Because that's the toughest part in the moment, I think. You know, having somebody who can. Can speak to all groups is really important. So designate that who can kind of nip things in the bud. It's probably going to be the maid of honor. As a bride or honoree, I would say to kind of stay out of it as best you can. I think that makes it all the more emotional. But, you know, I think remembering why you're there is going to be key.

A (24:25)

And after the fact, after you see the. If you're the bride and you've seen so many people work hard to give you what is one of hopefully multiple great experiences during this time of getting married. Married, and you want to thank them, what are some nice ways for brides to thank their. Their party for all the work that they put into it?

B (24:43)

Yeah, I think one of the best things you can do, like I said, is treat them all to something if. If it's in your budget to do. So I think it's a really nice idea to give everyone, you know, like a farewell breakfast that you. You take care of the tab for or to pay for one event throughout the weekend. It might be if you're doing a boat day or if you're having, you know, someone come in to give everyone manicures. If you can foot the bill for everyone, it's. It's really nice. Otherwise, I think a meaningful thank you. We forget how important a thank you card can be in this world, but just taking the time to sit down and write out that you are so grateful for all of these people for spending time and money on you, it goes a long way.

A (25:26)

And what do you think we can use today that maybe we didn't have before? I'm thinking specifically of social media, and I'm looking at the clock. We've got just a little bit of time, maybe know, 40 seconds or less here. But how can we use social media to make the party experience better? Maybe beforehand or during?

B (25:46)

Yeah. Use it as a tool to connect people. Use as an opportunity to crowdsource ideas, find great, you know, themes and activities, games, all of that stuff on social beforehand so that you have things planned out and it's, you know, fun for everyone.

A (26:00)

Wonderful. Well, we've been talking to Gabby Relo Duffy, the senior editorial director of Brides. The new brides package, a guide to new age bachelorette parties helps you understand everything that goes into doing a bachelorette party. Doing it well, doing it cheap and cheerful, or more luxurious. Whatever you want, whatever works for you. Which sounds like a key theme that you're talking about here, Gabby. Finding people where they are, making an experience that works for the bride and everyone else. Gabby, thank you so much for joining us.

B (26:33)

Thank you.

A (26:34)

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