All Of It (WNYC)

Episode: Tig Notaro’s New Comedy on Coming Out Later in Life
Date: June 7, 2024
Host: Kusha Navadar (filling in for Alison Stewart)
Guest: Tig Notaro, comedian and co-director of "Am I Okay?"

Overview

This episode centers on "Am I Okay?", a new comedy film co-directed by Tig Notaro and her wife Stephanie Allynne, based on a script by Lauren Pomerantz. The conversation explores the film’s nuanced portrayal of coming out later in life, the personal connections the directors have with the story, and the unique challenges and joys of directing as a married couple—especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. Notaro shares insights on creative collaboration, the emotional landscape of late-blooming self-discovery, and the blend of comedy and vulnerability that defines both the film and her own journey.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Film: "Am I Okay?" and Its Resonance

• Premise: The story follows Lucy, who at 32 realizes she might not be attracted to men. Her coming out journey is both comedic and poignant, emphasizing that self-discovery can happen at any stage of life.
• Why It Mattered: The narrative stood out for focusing on late-in-life coming out, a story Notaro suggests is underrepresented in TV and film.
  • “...this wasn’t a story that was commonly told in TV and film.” (Tig, 03:37)

Personal Connection

• Both Tig Notaro and her wife Stephanie Allynne identified with the late-bloomer experience, seeing personal reflections in the protagonist’s journey and in the script based on Pomerantz’s real life.
  • “My wife was kind of later in life coming out as well. And I think that just really spoke to us...” (Tig, 03:37)
  • Allynne described coming out late as “grieving the life when she didn’t live her truest self,” a sentiment Notaro relates to. (04:29)

Portrayal of Friendship and Self-Discovery

• The film is both a coming out story and a story about friendship, showcasing the tension and support between different personality types.
  • “...it’s a story about friends. And so that journey is just, I mean, it’s all of that woven in... coming to a more honest place with yourself and those around you... finding yourself no matter what age.” (Tig, 06:17)
• Lucy’s journey is awkward and anxious, yet courageous—a balance the film treats with warmth and humor.

Anxiety, Awkwardness, and Authenticity

• Lucy’s anxiety is both comic and deeply human, vividly captured in scenes like her obsession over health questions and fear about being ‘outed’ on dating apps.
  • “[Lucy] gets to where she’s going and that’s the exciting and courageous part of it all.” (Tig, 07:40)
  • “[On Dakota Johnson as Lucy:] I think she really, really nails that awkwardness and the anxiety and the fumbling... it’s just so human and natural.” (Tig, 07:40)

Memorable Dialogue from the Film – On Fears & Dating (08:34 - 09:26)

• Jane: “Why don’t you think you have to date like everyone else? ...No one’s gonna ring your doorbell one day looking for a wishy washy lesbian who might want to try some stuff.”
• Lucy: “You don’t know that for sure.”
• Jane: “Then what, she’s gay?”
• Lucy: “Then everybody knows.”
• Jane: “Great. It’s not like people know you as this tried and true heterosexual... Everyone’s just gonna want you to be happy.”
• Lucy: “What if I’m not meant to be happy?”
• (Tig as Lucy, Film Clip, 08:34 - 09:26)

Notaro’s Personal Experience

• Notaro identifies more with Lucy’s awkwardness and uncertainty than Jane’s boldness, sharing her own hesitant coming out despite supportive surroundings:
  • “I had my own awkwardness and I had my own hesitations in coming out, even if it was obvious to everyone around me... I still struggled and fumbled...” (Tig, 09:59)

Directing During the Pandemic

• The movie was shot as one of the first productions back during COVID.
  • “...everyone was so isolated on set... the dynamic and the chemistry is just really, really there.” (Tig, 10:44)
• Challenges included strict separation of crews, PPE, and limited socializing, making the chemistry between actors and spontaneous directorial feedback even more vital.

Collaboration as Directors & Spouses

• Notaro and Allynne’s partnership extends from marriage and parenting into their professional lives. Their working style is fluid, with each gravitating toward different decisions based on interest, expertise, or intuition.
  • “We never sit down and say, this is your role as a wife, ...or as the parent... It just kind of shakes out and you gravitate towards one thing or you have more time for something else... same with directing.” (Tig, 20:14)
• Allynne proved to be especially passionate about detail-oriented creative choices, like a character’s clothing or props.
  • “Somebody will come up and say... I’m wondering, do you want the top [of the chapstick] on or off sitting on the table? ... Whereas Stephanie is like, oh, my gosh... here's why the character was... And I’m like, man, knock yourself out. Because I wish I cared about the top being off, you know?” (Tig, 16:12)

Exploring Stages of Self-Realization

• Trying to figure out your sexuality—or other aspects of your identity—later in life feels both unique and universal. Notaro likens late bloomers’ maturity in certain areas to being in an earlier chapter compared to peers.
  • “When you are taking longer to understand... your gender, sexuality, what do I want to pursue as a job and you haven’t moved on to these milestones that other people have, I do think you stay a little stunted in ways... but the only way you can get through that is to get started, whatever age it begins.” (Tig, 22:32)
• Host’s Reflection: “It’s not stunted... It’s more just like being at a different step of the journey. Like you’re in an earlier chapter maybe.” (Host, 23:58)
• “You’re on a different step and everybody’s just a few steps above you... but to get there, you got to start walking up the steps.” (Tig, 24:06 - 24:21)

Coming Out Stories: Personal Anecdote

• Notaro recalls coming out first to a therapist (with disappointing results) and then to her supportive aunt:
  • “When [the therapist] told me I wasn’t gay, I knew in that moment more than ever, oh, I’m gay. ...The next in line was my aunt. ...She said, ‘You know, most people go through their entire lives never, ever experiencing love... You’re coming to me, telling me that you’re in love. There’s absolutely nothing to be scared of or ashamed of. Feel lucky that you’re actually feeling this and experiencing it.’” (Tig, 24:36 - 25:53)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It really is brave when, when you’ve set sail in one direction in life and you go, you know what? This does not feel right. And I’m just going to go ahead and switch directions. No matter how old I am, no matter how in my job or life or city that I live in, it doesn’t feel right and I’m going to make the change.”
  — Tig Notaro (06:17)
• “I love asking, are you happy? Do you love doing your job? And if somebody says yes, I feel so free and happy and to see my wife thriving and devouring every moment and step of directing...”
  — Tig Notaro (17:33)
• “It just kind of shakes out and you gravitate towards one thing or you have more time for something else, whether it’s parenting or marriage. And same with directing.”
  — Tig Notaro (20:14)

Key Timestamps

• [01:55] Host intro & context for the conversation
• [03:17] Tig Notaro joins the show; personal and script connection
• [04:29] Discussing the specificity of late-in-life coming out
• [06:09] The journey of Lucy in “Am I Okay?”
• [07:20] The comedic/awkward flavor of Lucy’s character
• [08:34 - 09:26] Memorable film dialogue clip on online dating & coming out anxieties
• [09:59] Notaro’s personal connection to Lucy’s awkwardness
• [10:44] Shooting during COVID-19 and the actors’ dynamic
• [13:07] Working with actors amidst pandemic constraints
• [14:46] The difference between solo standup and leading a large film crew
• [16:12] Partnership dynamic—who takes which creative lead
• [17:33] Joy in witnessing your partner love their job
• [20:14] The natural division of roles in creative (and marital) partnership
• [22:32] On the innocence and purity of figuring out your sexuality at any age
• [24:36] Tig’s coming out story and the loving support of her aunt

Tone & Style

• The conversation is candid, gently humorous, supportive, and insightful—mirroring Notaro’s on-screen and on-stage presence. Both interviewer and guest keep the tone warm, authentic, and easygoing, balancing serious themes with comic touches.

Conclusion

This episode delivers a thoughtful look at coming out later in life as seen through “Am I Okay?”, and a rare glimpse into Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne’s creative and personal symbiosis. Through reflections on awkwardness, bravery, and late-blooming selfhood, the discussion highlights how honest storytelling—on and offscreen—can help people feel seen at any age or stage of their journey.