What (Or Who) Are You Grateful For?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "What (Or Who) Are You Grateful For?"

Podcast: All Of It
Host: Alison Stewart (WNYC)
Guest: Chris Duffy, host of How to Be a Better Human
Date: November 21, 2023
Theme: Exploring gratitude—how we feel it, express it, and how it shapes our lives, especially in complicated times.

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Episode Overview

With Thanksgiving approaching, host Alison Stewart and guest Chris Duffy (from the podcast How to Be a Better Human) invite listeners to reflect on gratitude—what it means, how to access it, and how to express it. The discussion moves beyond platitudes to encompass the complexity of genuine thankfulness, touching on neuroscience, psychological research, everyday practices, personal stories, and the power of community.

The episode features listener calls and texts, edited clips from Duffy’s podcast, and engaging exchanges about the emotional and practical sides of gratitude.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Role of Gratitude in Being "A Better Human"

• Gratitude as an Anchor:
  • Chris Duffy underscores that gratitude helps people remain balanced even amid negativity and suffering.
  • It offers an antidote to hopelessness and draws attention to the positive, while remaining aware of the need for change.
  • Quote:

    "Gratitude is a way... for you to be able to keep yourself even and also to be able to work on the things that you want to change in the world, to not just feel hopeless, to be grateful for the things that are good and to be aware of the things that need to be better."
    —Chris Duffy (03:18)

Gratitude as a Practice, Not a Product

• Building a Habit:

  • Research cited (Mayo Clinic) shows that gratitude can improve mood, sleep, immunity, and resilience to pain and disease.

    "If a pill existed that would do this, everyone would be taking it."
    —Alison Stewart (04:07)

  • Duffy notes that gratitude is a process—something you cultivate through actions (e.g., connecting with others, enjoying the outdoors), not just an emotion you summon on demand.

  • Quote:

    "Gratitude can maybe be more of, like, a process than a product. So instead of thinking like, I have to get to gratitude, to instead be like, I'm going to do things that make me feel grateful."
    —Chris Duffy (04:43)

Connecting with Others as a Source of Gratitude

• Everyday Encounters:
  • Both hosts share stories about how small moments—striking up conversations on public transit, making eye contact, or exchanging kind words—can remind us of communal joy.
  • Duffy stresses that these small acts consistently lift mood for both parties.

Complexity of Gratitude (Listener Stories)

• Coping with Hardship:

  • Adrienne, a caller, shares her journey through cancer—a mix of gratitude for survival and support, and discomfort at feeling grateful for something she wishes hadn’t happened.

    "I feel deeply grateful for that. And I feel deeply grateful for the outpouring of love... but I also feel really confused to feel grateful for something that I also wish had never happened."
    —Adrienne (07:32)

• Community as Inspiration:

  • Nick, a musician, describes how local collaboration led him to recognize—and be grateful for—the talents of those around him, turning "neighbors into giants" (11:35).

• Gratitude in Recovery and Fellowship:

  • Kevin from NJ (13:29) and Linda from Mount Sinai (14:45) articulate how long-term sobriety and support groups with "an attitude of gratitude" have transformed their daily outlooks.
  • Quote:

    "Gratitude is such a part of my daily belief system, and I don't know what I would do without it."
    —Linda (15:45)

• Redefining ‘Enough’:

  • Alison raises a therapist’s suggestion to ask, “What does enough mean?” as a starting point for gratitude (16:19).

Gratitude Across the Lifespan (Podcast Guest Clips)

• Happiness Research (with Dr. Laurie Santos)

  • It’s hard, even for experts, to always feel grateful—struggling with competing feelings is normal.
  • Quote:

    "It's great for me to know that someone who is an expert in this still struggles with it... Often these are really nuanced emotions, right? It's not as straightforward as just you're always going to feel happy."
    —Chris Duffy (10:31)

• Lifelong Growth (with Maureen ‘Mighty Mo’ Kornfeld, swimmer at 101 years old)

  • Reinvention and gratitude are possible at any age—what matters is being present and enjoying the process, not just victory.
  • Quote:

    "It's nice if you win, but it's okay if you don't win, if you swim well in the moment."
    —Maureen Kornfeld (18:36)

• Empathy Through Fiction (with therapist/author Lori Gottlieb)

  • Reading fiction broadens empathy and increases our appreciation for other people’s experiences (23:54).

Listener Contributions: Unique Expressions of Gratitude

• Examples Called or Texted In:
  • Social media communities formed around rescue pets (21:53)
  • Family bonds—traditional and discovered (31:13; 32:01)
  • Support among immigrants, commemorated through public art (24:39)
  • The importance of logistical planning and open conversations in families facing loss (26:02)
  • Expressing thanks by naming and acknowledging service workers (30:20)

Strategies for Deepening Gratitude

• Active Listening and Presence:

  • Duffy references Celeste Headley’s advice to improve conversations by echoing others’ last words, fostering deeper attention (28:43).
  • The greatest gift in conversation is undivided attention—even without providing solutions (29:33).

• Daily, Small Acts:

  • Saying thank you by name, as Don from Montclair suggests, can humanize interactions and build authentic appreciation (30:20).

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Gratitude is a way for you to be able to keep yourself even, and ... to not just feel hopeless.”
  — Chris Duffy (03:18)

• “If a pill existed that would do this, everyone would be taking it.”
  — Alison Stewart, summarizing Mayo Clinic on health benefits of gratitude (04:07)

• “Connecting with other people makes us feel grateful and ... we consistently underestimate how much better our day will be if we connect with someone, even a stranger.”
  — Chris Duffy (04:43)

• “It's nice if you win, but it's okay if you don't win, if you swim well in the moment.”
  — Maureen Kornfeld (18:36)

• “You’re not like, born as a grateful person or an ungrateful person. It’s a muscle that you can build and practice and develop.”
  — Chris Duffy (16:07)

• “I love that author and psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb ... told you that reading fiction made her a better human.”
  — Alison Stewart (23:54)

• “Sometimes you need to just move along. You need to say, 'I heard you,' and we're going to go to the next caller. But ... not tuning out, of forcing yourself to be present, that that's something that I've worked on a lot...”
  — Chris Duffy (29:33)

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Memorable Moments & Reflections

• Adrienne’s vulnerable share about post-cancer gratitude (07:32)
• Listener Nick’s perspective shift on neighborhood talent (11:35)
• Birthday wishes for Maureen Kornfeld as she turns 102 (19:12)
• Caller Bonnie’s discovery of a half-brother via ancestry research (31:16)
• Closing reflections: gratitude is a practice, not an achievement—often requires ongoing, sometimes uncomfortable, effort (32:08)

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Recommendations & Takeaways

• Practicing gratitude is accessible—even in hardship—and grows through repeated, intentional acts.
• Connect—say hello, make eye contact, express thanks clearly. Even (or especially) with strangers.
• Balance the complexity: It’s okay to feel gratitude and pain at once.
• Anchor yourself in the present: Enjoy the process, not just the outcome.
• Empathy enhances gratitude: Seek out new perspectives, whether through community, art, or fiction.

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Episode Structure at a Glance

• [01:29] Introduction & setting the theme of gratitude
• [02:24] Chris Duffy on gratitude and being a better human
• [04:07] Science-backed benefits of gratitude
• [06:35] Stories about connecting with others (NYC subway)
• [07:32] Listeners share complex gratitude stories (health, recovery)
• [09:47] Lori Santos clip on inner intuition & happiness
• [16:19] The question: "What does enough mean?"
• [18:20] Maureen ‘Mighty Mo’ Kornfeld on finding new purpose at any age
• [23:54] Lori Gottlieb on fiction and empathy
• [24:39] “Gracias a la Vida” mural community story
• [26:02] On the importance of family conversations about loss
• [28:43] Celeste Headley tip: active listening exercises
• [30:20] Don on using names in gratitude
• [31:16] Bonnie on finding new family through ancestry
• [32:08] Final reflections on gratitude as ongoing, sometimes uncomfortable, practice

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Summary by: All Of It Podcast Summarizer
For: Listeners seeking the emotional and practical essence of being grateful, especially during the holidays and challenging seasons.

Transcript

[Chris Duffy]

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[Caller/Listener]

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[Alison Stewart]

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[Chris Duffy]

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[Caller/Listener]

What's a snack wrap?

[Chris Duffy]

It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.

[Alison Stewart]

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[Caller/Listener]

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[Alison Stewart]

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[Chris Duffy]

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[Alison Stewart]

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[Chris Duffy]

Listener Supported WNYC Studios.

[Alison Stewart]

This is all of it. I'm Alison Stewart live from the WNYC Studios in Soho. Thank you for spending part of your day with us. This week. Friends and family members will sit down to dinner together and express gratitude. But gratitude can be a complicated and tricky thing to pinpoint. Sometimes you might be grateful to spend time with family this week. You might also be grateful that you don't have to spend time with them all year long. Sometimes gratitude is easier to feel than to express. What's the best way to tell loved ones you're grateful for them? Or the best way to express thanks for things and experiences? My next guest, Chris Duffy, is the host of the podcast how to Be a Better Human. It's an excellent podcast, by the way, where gratitude is one of the many things he discusses with his guests about how to lead a great life. So we've asked him to join us to take some listener calls and hear what you're grateful for right now and how how you express gratitude. Chris, welcome back.

[Chris Duffy]

Thanks so much for having me. I'm really glad to be here.

[Alison Stewart]

Listeners, call in. What are you feeling grateful for right now, in this moment? How have you found ways to tap into your gratitude or to express it to others. How do you say thank you to those around you? You can call in and join us on air. 212-433-WNYC 212-433-9692. As I said, call in. You can join us, talk to us, or you can text to us. 212-433-WNYC 212-433-9692. You can also reach out on social media. The subject on the table is gratitude. So when you, you know your podcast is a how to be a better human, it's a little bit tongue in cheek, but it's also just about like how we can be good people and how we can have fulfilling lives. From all the interviews you've done, where does gratitude fit into being a better human?

[Chris Duffy]

Oh, I think it's a big part of being a better human. I mean, like you said, it's a little bit tongue in cheek, but there's a real desire to be a better human in there for sure. And I think that gratitude really comes in, in that it's easy to get sucked into the bad in the world, right? There's always bad things and scary things and suffering. And I think gratitude is a way one for you to be able to keep yourself even and also to be able to work on the things that you want to change in the world, to not just feel hopeless, to be grateful for the things that are good and to be aware of the things that that need to be better. And also I think it's just, you know, everyone likes spending time with someone who is grateful for the time and the presence with them. Like just being grateful for the the moment with a friend or with your partner if you have one, something like that. I think those are the kind of people that you want to be around. At least for me.

[Alison Stewart]

I went to the Mayo Clinic's website and I clicked in gratitude and this came up. Studies have shown that feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety and difficulties with chronic pain and risk of disease. If a pill existed that do this, everyone would be taking it. Your brain is designed to problem solve rather than to appreciate. So that I thought was very interesting. Again, so this is from the Mayo Clinic's website. So it sounds like we have to do some work to get to gratitude because we're so busy solving problems. What if people you've spoken to told you about the kind of work we can do to work towards being grateful?

[Chris Duffy]

Yeah, that also definitely sounds like the Mayo Clinic is secretly Working on developing a gratitude pill. It sounds like they're building a press release for it. Um, you know, a lot of things that people have talked about have been that gratitude can maybe be more of, like, a process than a product. So instead of thinking like, I have to get to gratitude, to instead be like, I'm going to do things that make me feel grateful. Like maybe being out in the sun and taking a walk makes you feel grateful for the fact that you have the ability to do that, for the fact that there's sunshine outside, rather than like sitting at home just being like, I should be grateful. I should be grateful and beating yourself up. A big thing that people have talked about is that connecting with other people makes us feel grateful and that we consistently underestimate how much better our day will be if we connect with someone, even a stranger on the bus. People always say, like, saying hello to the person next to you and asking them what's going on. You think that that's going to be horrible for you and for them. And it always turns out that it makes both of you feel better. So that's. Those are kind of some of the small things that you can do.

[Alison Stewart]

True story. This happened yesterday. I was going Downtown on the 1 train and this car was kind of full, but I hopped on any and it was just full of a lot of girls, a lot of girls and some moms. And I suddenly realized I was like, I'm in the middle of something here. And I at first was like, oh, should I get off? And then I thought, no, I'm gonna stay here. And then I started looking around and I realized they were from out of town. And so a lady in a nice mom sweater and some nails, some nice nails. I said, oh, are you all here for the parade? And she said, oh, yeah. That ends a bunch of girl scouts and we're a drill team. And instantly in that moment, I felt bad. I was like, oh, we'll have a great time in New York this week. And they were like, we will. And I could have been a grump. I was prepared to be a little grumpy. Cause I was a little bit late to work.

[Chris Duffy]

No, it's amazing. I'm a born and raised New Yorker and my dad is from the Midwest. And he kind of. Even after 40 years in New York, he still does the thing where if he's on the bus and he sees someone reading a book, he's ready. He goes, oh, it's a great book. And there's always this moment of suspicion where they're like, what do you want from me? What's the trick here? But then once you get past that, that it ends up with everyone having a better time. And I think that's a lesson that I've definitely learned from him because nothing is better than when you're on public transportation in New York City and something wild happens and then you make eye contact with the stranger across from you and you both start laughing. Right. Like that is the purest. I feel grateful for that more than anything else about living in a big city.

[Alison Stewart]

Got a text here in the exact moment you asked. I was incredibly grateful for these White cheddar Cheez its I'm eating lol.

[Chris Duffy]

Simple things. That's great. White cheddar Cheez its you know, let's.

[Alison Stewart]

Talk about something a little more complex. Adrienne has a very has had a very interesting and difficult year, but I'm glad to hear things are working out. Adrienne, would you share your story?

[Caller/Listener]

Sure. Hi. I love your show. I a year ago, a year ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The year prior to that, almost the day I had been, I was diagnosed with lymphoma. And the happy ending is that although lymphoma part is chronic and uncurable, but I don't need treatment right now, the breast cancer, I had treatment and I had surgery and I'm fine. And I feel obviously deeply grateful for that. And I feel deeply grateful for the outpouring of love during the time of, you know, preparation and surgery and recovery. But I also feel really confused to feel grateful for something that I also wish had never happened, you know. And so I don't know, I'm sort of bracing myself for the family moment tomorrow. Relatives I haven't seen for a couple years and the sort of how are you? Question and, or even the what are we thankful for? And just knowing how it's all those things at once, you know?

[Alison Stewart]

Absolutely. Adrienne, thank you for being so candid and calling in. Really appreciate you taking the time to call today, listeners. We'd love to hear your stories. What are you feeling grateful for? Maybe you have a complex relationship with gratefulness the way Adrienne does this year. How have you found ways to tap into your gratitude or to express it to others? How do you say thank you to your loved ones? What are you thankful for and grateful for? 212-433-9692 is our number, 212433, WNYC. My guest is Chris Duffy, host of how to Be a Better Human. We've pulled some clips from your show to sort of guide us along in this conversation. Chris, in January you spoke to Lori Santos, who's a cognitive scientist who happiness. What did you want to talk to Laurie about?

[Chris Duffy]

Well, Laurie is the, the professor at Yale who teaches one of the most popular courses in the history of the university on happiness. So, you know, we really wanted to talk to her about her research because I think happiness is one of those things that can sometimes be a little bit of a squishy subject where it seems like, oh, yeah, we want to be happy, but what does that mean? And I love that she is a really data backed scientist who studies it and says this works and this doesn't and challenges the way that we think about it to have data and research behind it. So it's really interesting to hear her perspective, what makes you actually happy and what doesn't.

[Alison Stewart]

And you asked her what she's doing to be a better human. This is part of Lori Santos's answer. This year I'm really trying, and this is the theme of this current season of my podcast that's running right now is I'm really trying to get better at listening to my inner intuitions, the good intuitions, the wise voice inside me, either when it comes to eating or what I really need or just kind of giving it space to pay attention. And so I'm trying be a better human by listening to the kind of better angels of my own nature that often get really drowned out by, you know, all the outside voices, especially this time of year, telling us what we should be doing. What was your reaction to her answer?

[Chris Duffy]

Well, I think first of all, it's just, it's great for me to know that someone who is an expert in this still struggles with it. And I also think, you know, similar to what, what Adrian, their caller was talking about, is often these are really nuanced emotions, right? It's not like as straightforward as just you're always going to feel happy. Sometimes if you want to have a happier life overall, it means acknowledging that you're going to be sad and struggle and not to repress those things or to feel guilty about them. That, like, you have to be able to hold both feelings, the sadness and the sorrow and the nerves and at the same time, and I think also something that I really like about what Laurie said is sometimes there's this idea of like, there's a silver lining in every cloud. And I hate that. It's like sometimes things are just bad. It's okay for things to be bad. You don't always have to have a lesson in them. And so I like that. Acknowledging that sometimes things are bad and then getting back to baseline can feel really good. That to me is a really key and important piece of thinking about happiness and gratitude.

[Alison Stewart]

Let's talk to Nick from Brooklyn. Hey Nick, thanks for calling in.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey Allison, it's a great show. I'm. Yeah, it's a little weird, my gratitude. Several years ago, I, for some reason was looking on the Internet at an audio engineer giving tips for great work and, and I'm not an audio engineer, but it was just kind of curious, you know, I'm a musician and one of the tips was to collaborate with people in your neighborhood or nearby because so much great music has come historically from local collaborations. And he said, you know, you'll be surprised there are people around you that are really talented. And since then I've seen the world in a different way. I've noticed that my neighbors, even the next door neighbors are like geniuses and super talented and not just in music and you know, all kinds of things. And everybody around me now is a giant. And even though I'm a lot smaller than previously perceived, I'm a lot happier. You know, it's a great thing to be surrounded by, especially when you know they're your friends and they're people in your neighborhood and just people around you. You have this incredible like kind of wonder and awe at your community. So yeah, like it. Grateful for that.

[Alison Stewart]

Thank you for calling in, Nick. That's great. Let's talk to Kevin calling in from northern New Jersey. Hi Kevin, thanks for calling, all of it.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. First, happy Thanksgiving to you and your guest. I greatly appreciate that. I'm grateful for the opportunity to stay sober 31 plus years a day at a time with the help from a lot of people. I'm looking forward more than anything to going back to Brooklyn, to Bay Ridge, to have dinner with my dear cousins and my sister and brother in law whom I saw get married on Zoom but haven't had an opportunity to see face to face and give them a hug and tell them how much I love and miss them. And we got a text recently from a niece who's going to be 30 years old, God willing, the day after Christmas. And she said just great things to my wife and me and like, you're the best aunt and uncle due to the empathy. And I think it's only because I've turned my life around and I would have been gone a long time ago, but Instead, I've had an opportunity with the help of a lot of people to kind of show up a day at a time. So I miss my mom dearly. But we're going to have a bunch of great stories tomorrow. We're going to have great food, and I'm bringing excellent dessert from the bakehouse in New Providence. So who's got it better than me? Allison.

[Alison Stewart]

Ah, Kevin. Big hug to your family from me. Big hug to the family. Thank you for calling in. Let's talk to Linda.

[Chris Duffy]

Congratulations.

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah, congrats. Huge. Let's talk to Linda from Mount Sinai.

[Caller/Listener]

Yes, hi. I belong to I for about seven years now to a fellowship who a 12 step program who that one of their main tenants is to learn the attitude of gratitude. And at first, when I joined this fellowship, my life was kind of, you know, I was very distraught, but. And I was like, what, are you kidding? I have nothing to be grateful for. But maintaining my membership in this fellowship has really taught me to be grateful. And I've slowly been able to inculcate that into my life. And it really just turns your life around even when things are not going well. And trust me, over the years, I've had so many things to be grateful for. I have a beautiful family and beautiful grandchildren. But, you know, life kicks in sometimes and you're not feeling so grateful or life is not so good. But there's always something that I can be grateful for and it helps me to be a better person because I know that if I am a better person in my daily life, that I will feel gratitude by the end of the night and hopefully I can pass that on to other people. So gratitude is such a part of my daily belief system, and I don't know what I would do without it.

[Alison Stewart]

Liza, thank you so much for calling in.

[Chris Duffy]

You know, one thing that I love about that too is that it points out a really important part about gratitude, which is that it's not some sort of fixed state. You're not like, born as a grateful person or an ungrateful person. That it's a muscle that you can build and practice and develop. I love that.

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah. One of the things, as I was reading around and sort of preparing for the segment, there was a question that a therapist suggested, which I've been thinking about a lot. And the question is, what does enough mean? Like, ask yourself, what does enough mean? And that can help you get to your. You realize, wow, I do have enough, and I have more than enough, or I'm grateful for what I do have. Not What I don't have.

[Chris Duffy]

Yeah, it's so hard to realize that, like, no matter what, what you get, that you think you want, there'll always be more. And so you actually have to cultivate that attitude of gratitude like the caller was describing. Right. If, if you don't do that, you're never going to get to a place where you're like. And all of a sudden the, externally, it solved the internal feeling.

[Alison Stewart]

I want to play another clip from your podcast, how to Be a Better Human. This is Maureen Kornfeld. A woman who began swimming in her 60s, became the national champion, still swimming at the age of 101. Okay, what did you learn from this woman? We're going to hear a clip, but I want to know, what was it about this woman that just has stayed with you?

[Chris Duffy]

Yeah, well, Maureen, people in the pool call her Mighty Mo. She's one of my favorite people that we ever talked to. She's a friend outside of the podcast, too. And one of the biggest things that I learned from Mighty Moe is that she's 101. She still swims, she's competes in championships, she's setting records. And she didn't even start doing this until she was in her 60s. Right. When she started swimming, she didn't even know that there were such a thing as other strokes. She is. She started from zero and now this is one of the biggest parts of her life. So I love that idea that sometimes I feel like only when you're, you know, 18 or in high school can you, like, dream up a new version of yourself or make a big change and all of a sudden have an exciting vision for your future. She's such clear proof that that's not true. And talking about, you know, cultivating gratitude. One of Mo's favorite things in the world is just being in the water and seeing her swim friends. And so getting that, like, simple thing and a daily practice and making it be a small, repeated action rather than a single big thing. I love all of those things about her.

[Alison Stewart]

Let's hear a clip of your interview with her from the podcast how to Be a Better Human. And Chris Duffy speaks first.

[Chris Duffy]

Will you describe what it feels like to be competing in a meet? Like, what do you feel in your body when you get in the water and you're competing?

[Caller/Listener]

That's a good question. It's an important one. I like the fun of swimming. I like to swim well. I like to do whatever I'm doing to do it well. So what I try to focus on is what I'M doing, how my arms are moving, how my legs are, is my head in a good position. It's nice if you win, but it's okay if you don't win, if you swim.

[Alison Stewart]

Well in the moment, I love that in the moment. Enjoy what you're doing.

[Chris Duffy]

This coming Monday is Maureen's 102nd birthday. So very excited about that. We're going to throw a big party for her at the pool.

[Alison Stewart]

Happy, happy birthday, Maureen. Let's talk to Lauren calling in from Oakland, New Jersey. Hi, Lauren, thanks for calling, all of it.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, thanks for taking my call. So I wanted to talk about something that I struggle with in terms of expressing gratitude. So my parents in one way, shape or form have watched my kids. My husband and I both work. I have three kids since they were born, since I went back to work. So we never had to pay for daycare. They were always there when they were sick. So it's like, how do you thank somebody for like a gift that big?

[Alison Stewart]

I think, yeah, just I think them knowing, I think them knowing, you know.

[Chris Duffy]

And, and I think you don't have to, I would say that no one has ever been upset that someone said something nice to them. Right. It doesn't have to be the full, complete acknowledgement, which as you pointed out. Right. I don't think there's any way that words can ever do justice to the work that your family has done and the love and the care. But it still feels good to have someone say, hey, I really love you and appreciate you. I don't think there's, there's very few people who don't appreciate that in some way.

[Alison Stewart]

We're talking about what we're grateful for and how to feel grateful and what you're grateful for this time of year and always as well. My ride along for this is Chris Duffy, host of how to Be a Better Human. After the break, we'll hear more from Chris's podcast and yes, I'll ask Chris what he's grateful grateful for and we'll take more of your questions. This is ALL of it. You are listening to all of it on wnyc. I'm Alison Stewart. My guest is Chris Duffy, host of how to Be a Better Human. You are my guests as well listeners. We're having a conversation today together about feeling grateful. We'd love to hear what you're feeling grateful for and have you found ways to tap into your gratitude. 212433, WNYC, 212-433-9692. You can call in and Join us on air or you can text to us. Someone sent this text. Chris. Surprisingly, I'm grateful for social media. I grudgingly started an Instagram account for my rescue cat five years ago, and not only is it an unwaveringly kind group of people, but some have become true friends, even though we may never meet. Every holiday season, I do a spread joy project where I connect people who want to help someone with people who need a helping hand. I'm lucky to have fostered an amazing group of strangers who put kindness out into the world.

[Chris Duffy]

I love that. It's also so clear to me that pets have figured out how to use social media far better than humans have.

[Alison Stewart]

So true. Or maybe they just bring out the best in us.

[Chris Duffy]

Absolutely. Animal accounts. There's almost never a problem with an animal account.

[Alison Stewart]

Honestly, that's one time when I'm down with the algorithm. I like a cute kitty. Give me more cute kitties. All right. We asked you what you're grateful for. You said you were grateful for an ability to laugh at yourself.

[Chris Duffy]

Yes, I think being able to laugh at the absurdity of myself and the things that I do and the ways in which I take myself too seriously, I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful for friends who are very eager to point out the ways in which I am ridiculous and full of myself.

[Alison Stewart]

That is really funny. Was that something you were always able to do or did you have to learn Learn that?

[Chris Duffy]

I'm a big believer that everything is a skill that you can learn. I think maybe I was born with a little bit of more natural inclination towards that, but certainly it's something that I have worked on when I see myself getting a little too self serious or self important. Certainly hosting a show called how to Be a Better Human has made me do some work on making sure that I don't think I'm the best human around.

[Alison Stewart]

You also mentioned, Chris, that you were grateful for the ability to take a break from stress by diving into a good book. What does reading a good book do for you?

[Chris Duffy]

I just love reading as a break. I feel like it all of a sudden, the actual world that is around me falls away and I'm in this other world. It's also. It's the only way that I know of where I can actually experience what it's like to be inside of someone else's experience. To live in a different time or in a different place or in a different continent or inside of a different body or be an alien. I mean, that's those things that I like, love about reading and reading fiction in specific. It doesn't even have to be the more extreme, like sci fi fantasy versions. It's also incredible to just read. Like, this is what it would have been like if I'd lived in 1920s China. All of a sudden, a world that I won't ever actually get to live in my real life.

[Alison Stewart]

So I love that author and psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, who we've had as a guest on the show. She's terrific. Told you that reading fiction made her a better human. Let's listen to a clip from the podcast how to Be a Better Human. One of the things I get to do as a therapist is I get to learn about other people's worlds in a way that you don't on social media or out in the world in general. You know, people are really inviting you into their lives. And I think in great fiction, you know, you're going into worlds and you're meeting people in fiction that you wouldn't ordinarily meet. And I think that that just broadens our experience in the world and makes us more open. Let's take some more calls. Mary is calling in from Highland Park, New Jersey. Hi, Mary. Thank you so much for calling, all of it.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you. Thank you so much for taking the call. I love this conversation.

[Alison Stewart]

Terrific.

[Caller/Listener]

So I my story starts with a habit we always did at my dinner table, which is every night before eating, we would say, gracias a la vida por alco. Thank you to life for something. My husband was an immigrant from Mexico, and three years ago he died. People in the community wanted to find a way to honor him, and they'd known that I had had this dream for my work of creating a multilingual mural. So the community contributed. And we have a mural now in our town called Gracias a la Vida Porti. Thank you to Life for your, which depicts. It's got my husband as a little boy growing up in Mexico, a worker here in the US Putting family love at the center, hard work at the center, but in multiple languages it says thank you to life for you. So the idea is welcoming, thanking, appreciating everyone for being here with us. So. And I just feel so grateful that we were able to do this because of the support of the community.

[Alison Stewart]

Mary, thank you so much. Really appreciate the call. Let's talk to Jono from the West Village. Hi, Jono. Thank you for calling in.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, good afternoon. This is a great segment. Makes my heart feel really full. This is a share of gratitude. It's a little bit of a curveball, but I swear it comes from joy. I'm very grateful that my father's funeral a few months ago went well and that the paperwork went well. There's a lot of families who do not want to discuss funeral plans and paperwork and proxy and technical stuff. And if a family loses someone and the plans are not in place, folks can get crushed. So I'm just very grateful for the families that have those tough discussions. Do you know, and put stuff in order. And if folks are meeting tomorrow, if you want to blame me, you can say some character in the West Village says you should discuss your plans and what music you want at your ceremony. But I'm grateful for networks and professionals and families that get that stuff done so it does not overwhelm the survivors. That's where I'm at.

[Alison Stewart]

Giano, I think you probably helped out a few families with that, with that comment and that call. Thank you for calling in. I got an Instagram DM grateful for my transgender son. He is thriving. Amazing to see him become his true self. I have learned what love is. His journey has made me a better and wiser person. Bravo, Asher. Bravo, Asher.

[Chris Duffy]

Bravo, Asher.

[Alison Stewart]

Bravo, Asher. You also shared the classic. You jokingly called it a classic of family and friends. Chris. But let's get into that. Why do you think it means. What do you think it means when people say, I'm really grateful for my family, I'm really grateful for my friends?

[Chris Duffy]

Yeah, I think it's kind of. It's similar to both of those things that we just heard from listeners. Right. The idea that you don't get to pick these people and that you also can learn from them and grow with them. And also the idea, like, I feel so grateful for my family and for my friends. And a lot of that is just knowing that there's a support system and that it's not always easy to rely on people and that a lot of people don't have that support system. So sometimes it's. It's in contrast, and in other ways, it's just the. The ability to have someone that you can call and that will pick up the phone and that, you know, is going to have a loving answer on the other end. That's. That's the thing that I feel really grateful for this. This year.

[Alison Stewart]

A lot of people are going to see family this week. Some they may not always get along with. We've discussed it can be a little bittersweet. So last year, you spoke with journalist and former Public radio host Celeste Headley, who talked about ways to communic. And here was one exercise Celeste mentioned.

[Chris Duffy]

You know, there's a number of ways you can improve your listening. One of the things, you know, when I do workshops, I have people play games all the time, but one of them is to start your sentence with.

[Caller/Listener]

The last word somebody used.

[Chris Duffy]

So if I were, the last word I used was used. You would say used. Well, that kind of. And you'd go on. It obviously doesn't lead to particularly smooth conversation, but as an exercise, it does get you into that habit of constantly tuning back in because you're waiting.

[Alison Stewart]

I like that idea of tuning back into somebody and having somebody tune back into you so that you can have a meaningful conversation, so that you can, at the end of this meal or the end of the time, be like, I'm pretty grateful I spent time with my family. We had a good conversation.

[Chris Duffy]

Absolutely. And I'm not just saying this to be the teacher's pet, but, like, you are so good at this. This is. You are a masterclass in this of listening to people and making them feel affirmed. And also, this is a key element that you might want to do at your Thanksgiving table, which Allison is very good at. Sometimes you need to just move along. You need to say, I heard you, and we're going to go to the next caller. But I think that the idea of, like, not tuning out, of forcing yourself to be present, that that's something that I've worked on a lot, is just realizing that I don't necessarily even have to say something or fix something, that just actually being present and bearing witness and hearing what my loved ones are saying, that alone is a gift. And if I can, like, think about giving them that gift, it makes a lot of conversations go much smoother than they went before in my life, for sure.

[Alison Stewart]

Let's talk to Don from Montclair. Hi, Don. Thanks for calling in.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, thank you for taking my call. I have found that one thing I do that, that expresses gratitude, and I do it almost every day is anytime a human being helps me, whether it's a. It's in a store, a person in a store, a clerk, it's somebody online or, you know, on the phone or whatever, the first thing I do is ask their name, and then I thank them with their name. So if I'll ask them, you know what, the fellow at Home Depot who led me somewhere, I'll say, what's your name? I'll say, Peter when I say, thank you, Peter. And inevitably, somebody appreciates having been seen as a person helping another person.

[Alison Stewart]

Love that.

[Chris Duffy]

That's such a good, simple one. I've never thought about doing it in that way. And I love that I'm going to start doing that for sure.

[Alison Stewart]

Dawn, thank you. Says hi. I'm grateful for my mom, Nancy Camarada Fanning, who's turning 75 today. We love you, Mom. That's from Jennifer from Jersey City. Bonnie is calling from East Meadow. Hi, Bonnie.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, how are you today? Happy Thanksgiving to everybody.

[Alison Stewart]

To you as well.

[Caller/Listener]

So we are. My sister and I are so grateful and we are gushing with gratitude that we found a half brother that we learned when we were 20, that we had that my father had kids before we were born and 40 years connected with him on Ancestry like finding a needle in a haystack. And he's on the other side of the country and he didn't know we existed, but we knew he did. And to provide somebody, you know, a backstory and new siblings after 64 years of their lives has been such a blessing. And we all love blues music and we all are planning to have that in our future together and travel and it's just been amazing. So I wanted to just express my gratitude for Ancestry. It's not a plug.

[Alison Stewart]

And Found family. Found family. Anything you would like to share about gratitude before we go, Chris?

[Chris Duffy]

You know, I think that people have done such an amazing job here of showing the wide range of what you can be grateful for, that it can be things that are simple and small. It can be huge. Like finding more family. Yeah. I think that the idea that it's a practice and the idea that it doesn't always have to be easy or feel comfortable is something that I think is really important.

[Alison Stewart]

Chris Duffy hosts the excellent podcast how to Be a Better Human. Thank you so much for being with us, Chris. Really appreciate it. Thanks to all of our callers for calling in and texting and sharing your thoughts. See you, Chris.

[Chris Duffy]

Thanks so much for having me.

[Caller/Listener]

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[Alison Stewart]

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[Chris Duffy]

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[Caller/Listener]

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[Alison Stewart]

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[Caller/Listener]

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[Chris Duffy]

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[Caller/Listener]

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[Chris Duffy]

Yeah, I'll let you get back to your food.

[Alison Stewart]

So are you just gonna watch me eat?

[Chris Duffy]

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