Podcast Summary: All Of It – "What's the Best Advice You've Gotten?"

Host: Alison Stewart
Guest: Philip Galanis, Social Cues Columnist for The New York Times
Release Date: January 2, 2025
Duration: Approximately 30 minutes

Introduction

In the kickoff episode of 2025, Alison Stewart welcomes listeners to "All Of It," a WNYC show dedicated to exploring culture and its myriad influences. The episode centers on the theme: "What's the Best Advice You've Gotten?" Stewart introduces Philip Galanis, the New York Times' Social Cues columnist, to delve into the intricacies of offering and receiving advice in today's complex social landscape.

Philip Galanis: From Law and Literature to Advice Columns

[02:38] Philip Galanis:
Galanis shares his unconventional career trajectory, transitioning from law and novel writing to becoming an advice columnist. He explains, “The best thing that I learned about being a lawyer is that people really want to talk... what they really want to do is get something off their chests.” This foundational skill in active listening seamlessly translated into his role as a columnist, where he emphasizes understanding the emotional undertones behind each query.

[05:10] Philip Galanis:
Reflecting on his debut, Galanis notes, “We started mean… I thought, wow, things are pretty damn mean without me piling meanness on too.” This insight underscores his approach to maintaining empathy and kindness in his advice, despite the often harsh realities presented by his readers.

Evolution of Advice Letters

[06:34] Alison Stewart:
Stewart and Galanis discuss how the nature of advice letters has evolved over the past 15 years. Galanis observes, “The letters have gotten a lot… people get right into telling you how awful things are.” He attributes this shift to the pervasive influence of social media, where individuals are conditioned to voice their grievances more openly and immediately.

Listener Call-Ins: Diverse Wisdom

The episode features a series of listener contributions, each sharing impactful advice that has shaped their lives.

1. Emily from Nyack
   [09:25] Emily:
   “When we are fearful, we don't make good choices... I was making the situation worse because I was so fearful of what could happen to my child.” Emily credits a friend's advice for helping her recognize and manage fear-driven reactions as a parent.

2. Dom from Manhattan
   [10:20] Dom:
   “Every problem you ever have is like a cow stuck in a ditch on a ranch.” Dom outlines a three-step approach: remove the cow from the ditch, understand how it got there, and prevent future incidents.

3. Laura from Glen Cove
   [11:10] Laura:
   “Nothing is ever going to happen unless you're there.” This empowering advice from Laura’s mentor has motivated her to actively engage in networking and career-building opportunities.

4. Anna from Brooklyn
   [13:17] Anna:
   “The only things worth going into debt for are your education and your home.” This pragmatic financial advice has guided Anna's life decisions post-college.

5. Additional Contributions:
   Listeners also share insights such as “Radical acceptance” for coping with loss, and “Impermanence” inspired by Buddhist teachings, emphasizing the transient nature of life's challenges.

Deeper Dive: Handling Diverse Questions

[14:34] Alison Stewart:
Stewart inquires about how Galanis manages the wide spectrum of questions, from mundane to deeply personal.

[14:45] Philip Galanis:
Galanis explains his editorial process: “I take them all at face value… how interested am I in this question?” He balances relatable issues with more profound struggles, ensuring each reader feels heard without overwhelming himself.

The Human Element in Advice

[16:00] Alison Stewart:
Stewart highlights the emotional weight behind the advice-giving process, prompting Galanis to elaborate on his empathetic approach.

[16:39] Philip Galanis:
He discusses the duality of receiving both praise and vitriol from readers, stating, “Half of the people are like, you are the most wonderful human being… and the other half are saying, we hope you contract stomach cancer.” Despite negativity, Galanis remains committed to offering strategies that alleviate emotional distress, such as being kind and forgiving.

Personalized Responses and Follow-Ups

[17:23] Philip Galanis:
Galanis shares his practice of following up with letters, especially those from young individuals facing significant challenges. He recounts a poignant case where he advised a parent to forgive her child, reinforcing the power of unconditional love and understanding.

Additional Listener Insights

6. Vivian from New Milford
   [21:16] Vivian:
   “Instead of saying, 'I have to,' my friend told me to say, 'I get to.'” This shift in perspective has helped Vivian appreciate everyday responsibilities more deeply.

7. Yvonne from Westchester
   [22:15] Yvonne:
   “Life is a visual manifestation of the invisible workings of the mind.” Drawing from Buddhist philosophy, Yvonne emphasizes the importance of positive thinking and passion in shaping one's reality.

8. Toby from Manhattan
   [24:03] Toby:
   “Life is not practice.” Toby grapples with understanding whether this advice encourages caution or boldness, highlighting the nuanced nature of personal guidance.

Best Advice Shared by Philip Galanis

[28:29] Philip Galanis:
Reflecting on his own experiences, Galanis shares what he considers the best advice he has ever given: “Be kind, be loving, forgiving.” He recounts advising a parent to forgive her child unconditionally, illustrating the enduring impact of compassion and understanding in healing relationships.

Conclusion

Alison Stewart wraps up the episode by thanking Philip Galanis and the listeners for their heartfelt contributions. The discussion underscores the universal quest for meaningful advice and the delicate balance between offering guidance and providing a safe space for individuals to express their vulnerabilities.

Notable Quotes:

• Philip Galanis [02:38]:
  “The best thing that I learned about being a lawyer is that people really want to talk... what they really want to do is get something off their chests.”

• Dom [10:20]:
  “Every problem you ever have is like a cow stuck in a ditch on a ranch.”

• Laura [11:10]:
  “Nothing is ever going to happen unless you're there.”

• Anna [13:17]:
  “The only things worth going into debt for are your education and your home.”

• Vivian [21:16]:
  “Instead of saying, 'I have to,' my friend told me to say, 'I get to.'”

• Yvonne [22:15]:
  “Life is a visual manifestation of the invisible workings of the mind.”

• Philip Galanis [28:29]:
  “Be kind, be loving, forgiving.”

This episode of "All Of It" masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes, professional insights, and listener stories to explore the multifaceted nature of advice. It highlights the importance of empathy, understanding, and the transformative power of thoughtful guidance in shaping individual and collective experiences.