‘Dying is the Opposite of Leaving’: Remembering Andrea Gibson

Summary

Podcast Summary:

All There Is with Anderson Cooper

Episode: “Dying is the Opposite of Leaving”: Remembering Andrea Gibson

Air Date: February 6, 2026
Host: Anderson Cooper
Guest: Megan Fowley (writer, poet, and spouse of Andrea Gibson)
Theme: The complexity of grief, love, and presence after loss, through the story of poet Andrea Gibson as told by their partner Megan Fowley.

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Episode Overview

This episode of All There Is is a heartfelt exploration of grief, love, and resilience in the wake of the death of celebrated poet Andrea Gibson. Host Anderson Cooper speaks with Megan Fowley, Andrea’s spouse, on navigating life after loss, the enduring presence of a loved one, and the profound intertwining of grief and love. Interwoven are poignant clips from the documentary Come See Me in the Good Light and readings of Andrea’s work, offering listeners insight into a relationship marked by creativity, humor, and deep connection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Importance of Facing Grief

• Acknowledging Grief and Love: The episode opens with reflections on grief as a necessary and inseparable part of love.
  • “Our grief and our love are like the same entity. And if you are not making space for the grief and heartbreak, I think you’re also dimming down the love.” (Narrator, 00:24)
  • Megan emphasizes that community deserves both one’s love and grief.
• Holding Grief: Megan discusses allowing grief to move “in a held container,” not quieted or ignored, so that it doesn’t overwhelm (01:27).

2. The Unanswerable "How Are You?"

• Why ‘How Are You?’ Doesn't Fit: Megan likens the question “How are you doing?” to “a thimble at the mouth of the river”—inadequate for the enormity of grief (05:05).
  • “It’s also really unspecific ... I think that a better question to ask somebody in grief is maybe sometimes I just like to share an image of something I’m experiencing and let the person I’m talking to feel the image.” (Megan Fowley, 05:05)
• New Acts of Loneliness: She describes missing the small, intimate moments with Andrea, such as rolling up her sleeves, and the unfamiliarity of living alone (06:14, 06:23).

3. Grief and Joy Can Coexist

• Joy in the Midst of Grief: Despite the pain, Megan finds “as much joy as I’ve had,” crediting Andrea’s approach to living with cancer as fundamentally joyous (06:54).
  • “If I wasn’t able to find joy and laughter now, I would have missed the point of what Andrea... was messaging.” (06:54)
  • The unique experience of sharing Andrea’s legacy through the documentary, keeping their name alive (08:15).

4. The Comforting Afterlife—Andrea's Words

• A Love Letter from the Afterlife: A central and memorable part of the episode is Andrea’s poem, “Dying is the Opposite of Leaving,” which reframes death as a deeper form of presence.
  • “When I left my body, I did not go away...I am more here than I ever was before...So close you look past me when wondering where I am...to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive.” (Andrea Gibson, 08:23)
  • Megan describes this vision as “the most comforting thought I could have...the warm, blankety piece of writing or thing that I could feel.” (09:39)

5. The Ongoing Relationship with the Deceased

• Continuing Connection: Megan shares that Andrea feels present, and she hesitates to use the language of “alone” or “without them” (06:49).
• ‘Allegedly’ Died: Megan discusses her use of “allegedly” when describing Andrea’s death, revealing a sense of ongoing connection and refusal to speak of their loss in final terms because of “nods” and “communications.” (18:54)
  • “It felt so weird to talk with such certainty to say Andrea died, as if any of us even know what that means.” (18:54)
• Not Afraid of Death: Witnessing Andrea’s death transformed Megan’s relationship to mortality—she no longer fears it because she believes in reunion.
  • “I don’t feel afraid of it because I feel that I will meet Andrea there.” (13:47 / 14:00)
  • The experience of Andrea dying in their bed, heartbeat felt beneath Megan’s hand, shared with profound tenderness (15:13).

6. The End of Life and Legacy

• Final Moments:
  • Andrea’s last words: “I loved my life,” spoken to a room filled with people significant to them (12:54).
  • Megan’s last words to Andrea: “You’re a star. You’re a comet.” Followed by, “You did it. Like, congratulations. Like, you did it.” (15:32)
• Song at the Bedside:
  • Megan describes playing a love song, newly written by Andrea and sent by a friend, to Andrea as they lay in hospice. She witnessed Andrea’s physical response to the song, even when nonverbal, underscoring their connection (21:04).
  • Excerpt of the song with touching refrain: “Hold down the fort, cause I gotta go...” (22:51)
• Holding Down the Fort: Megan now feels she’s “holding hundreds of thousands of people who lost Andrea” as Andrea’s poetry was a lifeline to many (24:38).

7. Aging, Imagination, and Grieving What Might Have Been

• Aging Filter Video: Megan shares a moment where she and Andrea used an aging filter so Andrea could “see me old"—a poignant antidote to the knowledge that Andrea likely wouldn’t live to see old age (25:40).
  • “I would have loved you at 80. At 100, at 142.” (26:52, Andrea Gibson)
• Crush Endures: Despite the grief, Megan finds herself still deeply in love with Andrea: “I still have such a crush on them.” (27:22)

8. Lessons from Grief

• Feeling Everything: Megan’s greatest lesson is that not shutting down grief is the only way to keep the channel for love and joy open.
  • “Because I am so fully experiencing Andrea still is the reason that I’m not depressed, because I’m not locking it away in the door. And that’s obviously like snot pouring down my face. So it’s not to say I’m not crying, but I am not numb.” (28:28)
  • “Andrea would say that not shutting yourself off to grief or sadness or anger...you have to allow yourself to feel every feeling that comes up so that you, too, can feel joy and feel love.” (28:28)
• Rejecting 'Prescribed' Emotions: Andrea’s message was that there’s no prescribed emotional response to tragedy; joy can coexist within devastating circumstances, and “they found joy in what they did not believe they could find joy in.” (31:11)

9. Memorable Sign-offs and Tenderness

• Long Live Andrea Gibson: Both Anderson and Megan use this refrain to honor Andrea’s legacy (32:05).
• “Rooting for You”: Megan notes she signs all her books this way, echoing Anderson’s own practice and emphasizing mutual support (33:17).
• Stay Tender: Another signature Megan phrase, a reminder to cherish vulnerability (33:27).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the inadequacy of “How are you?”

  • Megan Fowley (05:05):
    “That question feels like a thimble at the mouth of the river, that it is just this tiny little container asking to hold something that feels so rushing and...has so much magnitude.”

• Andrea Gibson, from their love letter from the afterlife (08:23):
  “Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away... I am more here than I ever was before.”

• On choosing to believe in presence beyond death:

  • Megan Fowley (09:39):
    “It is the most singularly the most comforting thought that I could have. It’s the most...warm blankety piece of writing or thing that I could feel. Of course, I don’t know, but I choose to believe it.”

• Andrea, on their last years (11:48):
  “I feel like I lived so much longer in these last years than I did all the years before.”

• Andrea’s last words, as remembered by Megan (12:54):
  “I loved my life. They said that to a room, their parents, four ex girlfriends, Tig...Andrea died over the course of three days and really wanted to live longer. They loved this life, they loved this planet and wanted to be 100 years old for sure.”

• Megan on Andrea’s presence after death (18:54):
  “It felt so weird to talk with such certainty to say Andrea died, as if any of us even know what that means. We actually don’t know what it means, I don’t think.”

• On finding joy through tears (28:28):
  “Because I am so fully experiencing Andrea still is the reason that I’m not depressed, because I’m not locking it away in the door...I am not numb.”

• On signing off:
  Anderson Cooper (32:05): “Long live Andrea Gibson.”
  Megan Fowley (33:17): “Yeah, I’ve had a sign of it in my house. I also, the other way I told people, yeah, man, life blows me away like this. Stay tender.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Reflection on Grief: 00:24
• The Inadequacy of “How Are You?” 05:05
• Joy Amidst Grief: 06:54
• Love Letter from Afterlife (Andrea reading): 08:23
• Andrea’s Last Words and Final Days: 12:54, 15:32
• Discussion on ‘Allegedly’ Died: 18:54
• Song Played at Andrea’s Bedside: 22:51
• Aging Filter, Facing Missed Futures: 25:40
• Lessons Learned from Grief: 28:28
• Emotional Endings and Mutual Support: 32:05–33:31

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Conclusion

This episode offers a tender, unvarnished look at grief and remembrance. Through stories, poetry, and dialogue, Megan articulates both the agonies of loss and the beauty that persists. Andrea Gibson’s message—that love and joy are still possible even through death, and that the dead are not gone but live on in us—is articulated with generosity and warmth. The discussion is a moving testament to continuing bonds, the necessity of feeling deeply, and the sustaining power of art and memory for both the bereaved and the community.

“Long live Andrea Gibson. Stay tender.”

Transcript

[Andrea Gibson]

Hold.

[Megan Fowley]

On, hold on.

[Andrea Gibson]

Hold on.

[Interviewer]

That's Serena Partridge, a singer and choir director I met in Minneapolis last week. And like so many people I spoke with there, she talked about the grief she's feeling.

[Narrator]

Our grief needs our attention. It's a really important part of our human experience. And the more we try to quiet it down and not look at it, I think the more insistent and engrossing it can become. And it can be so scary to really turn to it. But our grief and our love are like the same entity. And if you are not making space for the grief and heartbreak, I think you're also dimming down the love. So it feels really a different kind of urgent to find ways to let our grief move in a held container. So we're not going to be completely undone by it, but we're also not going to pretend it's not there because the heartbreak is really important. And my community deserves my love, which kind of means that my community deserves my grief too.

[Interviewer]

How to let grief move in a hell container so as not to be undone by it. Well, that's something I very much still struggle with. And maybe you do too. Wherever you are in the world and in your grief, you're not alone. My guest today is writer poet Megan Fowley, who was married to the poet Andrea Gibson. Andrea died last summer after a years long battle with cancer. As you'll hear in the interview, Megan says Andrea allegedly died. And I kind of love her explanation of why she says that. My interview with her is right after a break.

[Megan Fowley]

What is it about Australia that just hits different? Australia is where we shared our first kiss, where we fell in love. That was 18 years ago now. And this is what, your fourth trip back. Australia has this incredible way of drawing you back. The ocean, the people, the oysters. So pretty, so briny and delicious. And the possibility of exploring something new. Learn more about Zach and Laura's [e-mail] and start planning the vacation of a lifetime.

[Interviewer]

Welcome back. My guest today is Megan Fowley. She's a writer and poet and the spouse of the late poet Andrea Gibson. Andrea was 49 and died last summer after a long struggle with ovarian cancer. Andrea used the pronouns they and them. And I want to show you a clip from the documentary that was made about Andrea and Megan as they faced Andrea's illness together. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light.

[Andrea Gibson]

I wrote a new kind of bucket list. It isn't an index of wild adventures. It requires no bungee jumps, wingsuits, or hot Air balloons, no passport stamps or dolphin swims. As riveting as those things may be, none of them ignite me as much as what most of us were taught to think of as the little things. These are my biggest, tiniest dreams. To sit with the mourning dove who cries for her lost love. To mend a friend's clothes with my grandmother's thimbles.

[Megan Fowley]

How about my power drill?

[Andrea Gibson]

We might need your power drill. There are four squirrels here, and they fight when I bring out nuts. And so I got these houses to watch a squirrel rebuild her nest in. The only pine that survived the storm.

[Megan Fowley]

Yes. Yes.

[Andrea Gibson]

To fix the mailbox after the snow. No plow knocks it down. I came out and the mailbox was completely gone with all our mail in it, too.

[Megan Fowley]

Have you looked for the mailbox?

[Andrea Gibson]

I mean, why? Have you seen it? To fix the mailbox after the windstorm knocks it down.

[Megan Fowley]

This seems weird that it comes with the kids thing. Like, is it for children?

[Andrea Gibson]

No, it's an actual mailbox.

[Megan Fowley]

But look at this.

[Andrea Gibson]

To fix the mailbox after a bear knocks it down and a hundred times again.

[Megan Fowley]

Gibby had this aesthetically pleasing solution to.

[Andrea Gibson]

Say goodnight to my mother every night of the year.

[Megan Fowley]

All right, Mom.

[Andrea Gibson]

Sweet dreams.

[Megan Fowley]

Bye.

[Interviewer]

I spoke to Megan Fowley several weeks ago. Thank you so much for joining me. I really appreciate it. A lot of times people ask the question, how are you doing? But I know that I read what you wrote about that question that you get, and I wonder, could you just talk a little bit about why that question, how are you doing? Doesn't feel right.

[Megan Fowley]

I ended up writing that that question feels like a thimble at the mouth of the river, that it is just this tiny little container asking to hold something that feels so rushing and just. That has so much magnitude and it's just an impossible mechanism to hold it all. It's also really unspecific about, like, how am I doing when. Like, in the last four months or this week or right. Right now, in this moment? And so I. I think that a better question to ask somebody in grief is maybe sometimes I just like to share an image of something I'm experiencing and let. And maybe that's as a writer, but. And let the person I'm talking to feel the image. And so, like, right now, before I got on, I was trying to roll up my sleeves and realized that Andrea would always roll up my sleeves for me. And how cumbersome it is to. To try to do that by myself.

[Interviewer]

Have you noticed the difference of doing things by yourself a lot since Andrea's been gone.

[Megan Fowley]

Certainly. I think I've never lived alone before until now. And I do this thing sometimes where I just sort of whisper to Andrea. I just say, like, put your arms around me. I just said it before we got on camera together. And then I could feel Andrea at my back, too. So am hesitant to use the words, like, alone or without them.

[Interviewer]

Is grief different than you thought it would be?

[Megan Fowley]

Yes, it is. I don't think that I thought that I would be able to. Have as much joy as I've had. In some ways, I think Andrea has been maybe my magnificent teacher because these last four years, what they've been trying to show the world is how much joy and presence and love they were able to experience with cancer diagnosis. And so I guess if I wasn't able to find joy and laughter now, I would have missed the point of what Andrea Avandra's messaging. I also feel like I'm in a very unique position because I'm right now, like, on a tour promoting the documentary about Andrea and our love story. And for a lot of people, you lose somebody unless and less people speak their name. And I'm having the inverse of that experience. More and more people are learning of Andrea, and that's unique and really special and a privilege.

[Interviewer]

Andrea wrote a love letter from the afterlife, and I'd like to just play part of it.

[Andrea Gibson]

My love, I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined. So close you look past me when wondering where I am. It's okay. I know that to be human is to be farsighted. But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living. Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, how tall are you?

[Interviewer]

That idea of to die is to be reincarnated in those we love is so extraordinary to me. I mean, I've never heard it said in that way. And that dying is the opposite of leaving. Do you feel that? Do you believe that's true?

[Megan Fowley]

It's. It is the most singularly the most comforting thought that I could have. It's the most. I'm just gonna make up a word, but, like, warm, blankety piece of Writing or thing that I could feel. And I, of course, I don't know, but I choose to believe it.

[Interviewer]

When I heard it, I, I, I started crying because, I mean, that idea is so, it is so comforting. And it's not something I've been able to feel most of my life until recently of feeling like my dad again, which is just one of. I wish there were more people I felt, but it's a start and, but I love, I just find that so incredibly comforting. What was it about Andrea? Did you know right away? Like, this is my person.

[Megan Fowley]

We were friends for a really long time and they felt pretty untouchable to me. We had a 13 year age difference and I just, I didn't let my brain even go there. And then once it did go there, it never left. Yeah, we fell in love on a dance floor.

[Interviewer]

I mean, I've done that a couple times, but he often doesn't last past the dance floor.

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah, it lasted a long time past the dance floor. I think we, we sort of didn't stop dancing and then we kept, we really started dancing even more throughout their diagnosis. Like, that sounds metaphorical, but literally we, we were always dancing and kind of like two kids putting on a living room show at all times. We just had fun together.

[Interviewer]

There's part of the film which is so beautiful. It's something Andrea said about something that happened after you both took a car ride and a feeling that Andrea had and let's play that.

[Andrea Gibson]

I feel like I lived so much longer in these last years than I did all the years before.

[Megan Fowley]

What? Wow. I. Wow.

[Andrea Gibson]

I got this life and I know I'm not gonna die today. Like, I feel pretty certain. So.

[Megan Fowley]

Wow.

[Andrea Gibson]

I like, wow. I get tomorrow too. So what happens next? I don't know. I want to live in the mystery, you know, I want my very last second to be like, damn, I wish I had a million more of these.

[Interviewer]

Is that what you feel? That Andrew's last second was like one.

[Megan Fowley]

Of the few, like, lucid things that Andrea said was, I loved my life. They said that to a room, their parents, four ex girlfriends, Tig. Yeah, so a few people they hadn't made out with. And I think it really stunned everybody in the room. Andrea died over the course of three days and really wanted to live longer. They loved this life, they loved this planet and wanted to be 100 years old for sure. So, yeah, I will say they definitely wanted more seconds here.

[Interviewer]

Tig said it was a gift to be not only there in that time, but to be and hear Andrea, say, I fucking love my life.

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah, there's, I think the way that people navigate their own death or illness experience has a profound impact on the people around them witnessing it. And I will say, like, my relationship to death has changed profoundly since watching Andrea die. How so? I. I mean, this is going to sound morbid, and I don't mean it this way, because I also would really like to live a long time, but I don't feel afraid of it because I feel that I will meet Andrea there. And I will just preface, like, I didn't, didn't grow up with any kind of religion or anything, but Andrea was just such a. Was so much energy and spirit, and it doesn't feel possible for that to be gone. And so where is that? And I feel like dying will be the, the answer to that or the reunion of that. And it just, it intrigues me a bit more, more than I would say it ever had. Again, not, not rushing it in any way.

[Interviewer]

You're not afraid of it in the way you might have been before?

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah, I mean, Andrea died at home. They died in our bed. They, you know, their heartbeat stopped beneath my hand. Like, I. They don't. I don't think there's a way to get, to get closer. And that was my experience.

[Interviewer]

You felt Andrea's heartbeat stop?

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah. I don't know if I've ever told this story, but the last thing I said to Andrea was, you're. I said, you're a star. You're a comet. And it was seconds after that that their heart stopped. And my friends who were there told me, I remember that, but they told me that afterward. I said to Andrea, you did it. Like, like, congratulations. Like, you did it.

[Interviewer]

We're gonna take a short break. When we come back, more with Megan.

[Megan Fowley]

What is it about Australia that just hits different. Australia is where we shared our first kiss, where we fell in love. That was 18 years ago now. And this is what, your fourth trip back? Australia has this incredible way of drawing you back. The ocean, the people, the oysters, so good, so briny and delicious. And the possibility of exploring something new. Learn more about Zach and Laura's [e-mail] and start planning the vacation of a lifetime.

[Interviewer]

Fowey. Welcome back. We're talking to writer Megan Fowley. Living with that diagnosis for four years, did you grieve before Andrea died? Did you feel a form of grief or allow yourself to feel a form of grief while Andrea was alive?

[Megan Fowley]

I think subconsciously that must have always been going on just to welcome mortality into our home and have conversations. And there was definitely never a day since their diagnosis that I didn't think about cancer. I believed that if anybody in this planet had a chance of being the miracle or having a radical remission or anything like that, it would have been Andrea, because they were so miraculous in so many ways. And I held a lot of hope right through the end, and so did Andrea. I mean, they were in the last week of their life. They were on oxygen, but they were also refusing to eat sugar because they wanted to stay healthy in the very last days. And so I think we're both really made of hope. I'm a very present person. I don't worry, which is really, really confounds people, but I really don't tend to worry. And so I feel like my grief really came most as, as it was happening. I, I wasn't really grieving Andrea before that. I was celebrating Andrea and loving Andrea and living with them.

[Interviewer]

I saw something you wrote where you say you started to use the word allegedly when you talk about Andrew's death, which I kind of love. What. Can you talk about that a little bit?

[Megan Fowley]

It felt so weird to, to talk with such certainty to say Andrea died, as if any of us even know what that means. We actually don't know what it means, I don't think.

[Interviewer]

No, I mean, it's true.

[Megan Fowley]

And I, I had felt so many sort of signs and communications that it felt, it just didn't feel right. And it still doesn't to say Andrea died. There's been a lot of little, just little nods, maybe, or winks. I do, I really, I do. I mean, there have been some that feel, like, too wild to ignore, and then there feel like other things where maybe I'm, like, choosing to see it a bit more, and why wouldn't I make that choice? So I, I, I love saying that Andrea allegedly died. To my limited understanding of a body and a spirit, Andrea's language is very important to me. So if, if I feel like something is not quite getting it right, I'm going to make whatever adjustments I need.

[Interviewer]

I think that I invite you to try it.

[Megan Fowley]

Anderson.

[Interviewer]

Well, no, I mean, I'm crying because what you said is so unique and I think true. And, yeah, we have no idea what this means, you know, I mean, yeah, we have no idea what death means. I understand you played a song by Andrea's bedside. Could you tell us a little bit about the significance of it? And especially playing at that moment?

[Megan Fowley]

So when the hospice nurses told me that they would sedate Andrea. I didn't actually understand what that meant. I thought that meant Andrea would be sort of like loopy but feeling. I didn't know it would mean, like pretty non responsive, non verbal. And I was in tremendous grief because I thought we would have more conversation. Like, when that time came, we would just talk about, at least say, like, hey, it's going to happen now, and just have whatever our final words would be. And I felt robbed of that. But within an hour or so of having that intense, bereft feeling, our friend, the musician Chris Parika, sent me a text message that said, you've never heard this, and Andrea's never heard this, but Andrea wrote a love song for you. It's a song about their death and how they will come back to you. And I just want to send it to you now. And when I first played it, and you know the hospice nurses tell you they can hear you keep talking, I watched just their. Like, I don't remember if it was their smile twitch or their eyebrow raise, but I saw some recognition in their face of what it was.

[Interviewer]

Let's play some. Some of that.

[Andrea Gibson]

Hold down the fort. Cause I gotta go Let on the world it will carry me somehow don't say goodbye forever not too far the other side Just a stone's throw from loving. You got a great arm. You got a great arm. To my chest I what you say Every good bo is healing f.

[Megan Fowley]

Sn gates where I'm going.

[Andrea Gibson]

Think that's a good thing. One nothing kept out of. I hear you. I had it. I had it.

[Megan Fowley]

All right. Wow.

[Interviewer]

That's extraordinary. I love. I love those words. Hold. Hold down the fort.

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Do you feel like you're holding down the fort?

[Megan Fowley]

Sure. Yeah. I feel like I am now. Andrea carried and held so many people through life, through their art, their poetry was a lifeline for a lot of people dealing with mental health struggles or gender queerness or really heartbreak, anything. And now I sort of feel like in their death, I'm holding hundreds of thousands of people who lost.

[Interviewer]

Andrea, I saw on your Instagram, incredible moment between you two with an aging filter, an app that does sort of aging. Could you talk a little bit about what it is? And I just. If it's okay, I'd love to show people that.

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah, Andrea had received really hard news that they'd had a metastasis on their bone. And this was about a year and a half ago, and I ended up on TikTok and saw that there was an aging filter, and just something lit up in my head. Which was like, oh, I need Andrea to see me old, and I need Andrea to see themselves old. But also, I think the deeper knowledge that they would likely not see those images in a mirror and get the opportunity to. To see them somehow.

[Interviewer]

Let's. Let's take a look.

[Megan Fowley]

Today would have been your 50th birthday. I wanted you to see this day so badly.

[Andrea Gibson]

So did you.

[Megan Fowley]

When you were only 48, you told people you were 50. That's how much you wanted get to get here. I have a measly wrinkled collection compared to my end goal. You once wrote, now that you're gone, I see these videos of you and almost lose my mind with grief, because it's proof of something that has always been true.

[Andrea Gibson]

I would have loved you at 80.

[Megan Fowley]

At 100, at 142. When our friends complained about the physical evidence of getting old, the age spot, the skin sag, the detritus of living, it stung us both. We knew how unlikely it was that you would live to see your hair turn completely silver. But what is more valuable than silver.

[Andrea Gibson]

In a loved one's hair?

[Interviewer]

So beautiful.

[Megan Fowley]

You know, it's so wild because they're so cute. When I watch the film, I just think, you're so, like. I still have such a crush on them, which is a weird feeling, you know?

[Interviewer]

A love letter from the afterlife. It's one thing to hear it while Andrea was there. I'm wondering, hearing it now that they're allegedly dead, do you hear it differently? Do you hear things in it that you didn't hear before?

[Megan Fowley]

The new line sort of hits me every time, which feels fortunate, but I really love the line. I'm more with you than I ever could have been. So close. You look past me when wondering where I am. The days when I find Andrea hard to find, that that's extremely comforting, that it's me who's missing them, not. Not Andrea not being there.

[Interviewer]

Is there something you've learned in your grief that would be helpful for others?

[Megan Fowley]

I think when I first saw the film again after Andrea died, a lot of people would be like, how can you do that? How can you sit in it? How can you sort of open this thing up again? And for me, I can't imagine another way through, but to keep opening it up, to keep watching it, to keep sitting inside of it and, like, it's such a gift to me that I just keep getting to throw myself back into images of them or their words and. And hold them in that way. And so I feel like, because I am so Fully experiencing Andrea still is the reason that I'm not depressed, because I'm not locking it away in the door. And that's obviously like snot pouring down my face. So it's not to say I'm not crying, but I am not numb. Andrea would say that not shutting yourself off to grief or sadness or anger is that you can't shut yourself off to those things and. And keep the channel for joy open, that you have to allow yourself to feel every feeling that comes up so that you, too, can feel joy and feel love.

[Interviewer]

That, for me, has been one of the revelations of my life, and that is only. I've only learned, or maybe I'd heard it once before, but I only learned it and feel it in the last year or two of my life, because I'm talking about what I've run my whole life from, which is grief and loss. And it's so true that you cannot have one without the other. You can't have joy without allowing yourself to feel sadness. And it's extraordinary to me that so many of us, and I hear from so many people who have run from grief their entire life and lived in this kind of middle ground of no high highs, and to avoid the low lows, to avoid the pain of feeling the loss of the person they love, they've robbed themselves and I've robbed myself of feeling tremendous joy. And, yeah, I think that's such an important, an important thing that you bring up, and I'm glad you did. Is there anything else you want people to know about Andrea, about anything?

[Megan Fowley]

I think what Andrea's main message was, what they most wanted to pass on is the idea that there's not. There are certain circumstances in life where we're kind of given a prescription of emotion or taught. Like you get divorced or you lose somebody or you are sick or something happens. And so you should feel. You should feel mad at the world, or you should feel like you should come with this bitterness or something. And I think Andrew wanted people to see that there wasn't. That there isn't. That that they. They found joy in what they did not believe that they could find joy in. And they want people to know that that's possible.

[Interviewer]

Meg. Long live Andrea Gibson. Thank you.

[Megan Fowley]

Long live Andrea Gibson. Thank you so much.

[Interviewer]

I'm rooting for you.

[Megan Fowley]

Do you know that's how I sign all my books?

[Interviewer]

Are you kidding? It's so funny you say that, because I literally started saying this. I don't say it to everybody, but I started saying it this summer. To some people who I am genuinely rooting for. I hadn't heard anybody really saying it, but I just started saying it, and the ripple effects of it are really fascinating. I said it to this guy named Jesse Itzler who is all over Instagram. He's just this, like, force of nature. And I've. I've met him years ago, and I just think he's a lovely guy and, like, putting great things out into the world. And I just randomly said to, you know, I'm rooting for you. And he kind of looked at me oddly. And then he came back to me the next day because we're at this conference. He came back to me the next day. He said, you know, I've been thinking about what you said about rooting for you, and I think it's like the greatest way. It's the nicest thing to say to somebody, like, I'm in your corner. I'm rooting for you. I love that. That's how you sign your books.

[Megan Fowley]

Yeah, I've had a sign of it in my house. I also, the other way I told people, yeah, man, life blows me away like this. Stay tender.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, stay tender. I like that. Yeah, that's good.

[Megan Fowley]

Either one. It depends.

[Interviewer]

Meg, thank you so much.

[Megan Fowley]

Thank you so much.

[Interviewer]

Come See Me in the Good Light is now streaming on Apple TV. Next week on Thursday, February 12th, join me at 9:15pm Eastern for my live streaming show. All There is live to watch. Just go to CNN.comAllThereIs if you missed the live stream, it will be posted the following day for a week on the site. If there's something you've learned in your grief that you think would be helpful for others, or you want to tell us about your own grief experiences, feel free to leave us a voicemail at 1-404-827-1805. You can also send us a video message and email it to [e-mail] or send it to us on Instagram. L thereis. Thanks for listening.

[Megan Fowley]

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