Tig Notaro: Finding What Matters

Summary

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All There Is with Anderson Cooper

Episode: Tig Notaro: Finding What Matters

Date: November 19, 2025
Host: Anderson Cooper
Guest: Tig Notaro (comedian and cancer survivor)
Focus: An intimate conversation about grief, love, presence, and how witnessing the death of poet Andrea Gibson has transformed Tig Notaro’s perspective on life and loss.

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Episode Overview

In this deeply empathetic and honest episode, Anderson Cooper welcomes comedian Tig Notaro to discuss grief in all its forms. The conversation centers on the recent death of Tig’s friend, the acclaimed poet Andrea Gibson, and how being present at Gibson’s deathbed—and witnessing their final moments—reframed Tig’s understanding of both living and dying. Tig and Anderson share personal stories of bereavement, explore how grief can feel both anchoring and disruptive, and reflect on the meaning and importance of keeping the memory and presence of loved ones alive.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Living With and Through Grief

• Anderson and Guests on the Experience of Grief

  • The episode opens with clips from guests Joe Sims and Susan Heim, each reflecting on the ongoing presence of their deceased children. Joe Sims describes how grief, while painful, keeps his connection to his son Jacob alive (01:00–02:16):

    “I don't want to stop grieving, though. Honestly, Anderson, I don't want to stop grieving. I think the grieving is healthy. It keeps me in touch with them. I talk to him every day.”
    — Joe Sims (02:01)

  • Anderson highlights the communal act of saying their children's names aloud as a way to honor memory and presence (02:43–03:07).

2. Remembering Andrea Gibson

• Introduction to Andrea Gibson’s Life and Death

  • Anderson introduces Andrea Gibson—acclaimed poet and spoken word artist, who passed away from ovarian cancer at age 49 (03:09–04:08).

  • Tig Notaro was present during Andrea’s final moments, and she recently helped produce a documentary chronicling Andrea’s illness and legacy.

  • Audio clips of Andrea reflect on savoring life’s last years and the desire to live fully in mystery (04:08–05:07):

    “I want my very last second to be like, damn, I wish I had a million more of these.”
    — Andrea Gibson (04:58)

3. Tig’s Friendship and Bond with Andrea

• How Tig Met Andrea & Their Connection

  • Tig recalls meeting Andrea backstage as a teenager, describing Andrea’s “rock star” presence and the transformative, emotional power of their poetry (05:55–06:55):

    “Andrea went on stage and leveled the place. ... I didn't know poetry could look like that. But that's how Andrea's shows were—so intense, you could be crying, and then Andrea was one of the funniest, most ridiculous people.”
    — Tig Notaro (06:23)

4. Anticipatory and Present Grief

• Grieving Before Loss

  • Anderson and Tig discuss whether they started mourning Andrea before their passing, especially after Andrea’s diagnosis (06:55–08:06).

  • Tig opens up about the confusion of seeing a friend so full of life while knowing the end was coming:

    “It didn't feel possible for Andrea to not be alive in this physical world.”
    — Tig Notaro (07:48)

  • The discussion captures the “trickiness” of grief hitting unexpectedly amid mundane moments, and how Andrea’s memorial felt more like a celebration of “greatest hits” than a farewell (08:16–09:25).

5. Witnessing Death and Its Transformative Power

• Tig’s Experiences of Loss

  • Tig outlines a period of compounded grief in her own life—her mother’s sudden death, her cancer diagnosis, and relationship breakups (09:33–10:03).

    “It was a four-month period I had pneumonia, [C. Diff], invasive cancer...my mother tripped, hit her head, and died, and my girlfriend and I split up. So that was an overload of grief.”
    — Tig Notaro (09:33)

• Letting Go at the End

  • Tig describes the agony and helplessness of being with a loved one at their end, including removing life support from both her mother and stepfather, and the parallel with Andrea’s final days (10:06–11:03):

    “You're watching your loved one drown, and you can't throw them any sort of safety net. You have to just let them drown as you hold their hand.”
    — Tig Notaro (10:16)

• Beauty Amid Pain

  • Despite the devastation, Tig calls Andrea’s death “one of the most beautiful experiences” of her life because of the love and clarity present in those final days (11:03–13:15):

    “Everyone really holding each other through it for days, literally holding each other...the love, the humanity was on overdrive.”
    — Tig Notaro (12:46)

6. The Aftermath and Integration of Grief

• The Energy and Disorientation After Loss

  • Tig shares the almost “otherworldly” energy she felt in the wake of Andrea’s death, her driving need to return to the place of loss, and the allure (and impossibility) of living in a heightened awareness forever (13:59–16:09).

  • Anderson relates, drawing from his experiences as a journalist returning from war zones, describing the bizarre dissonance of returning to “normal” life after events supercharged by meaning and emotion (16:09–17:11):

    “The molecules of the air were charged with human emotion...and then to return to Los Angeles and be in a supermarket and there's like cool mist on the vegetables...”
    — Anderson Cooper (16:24)

7. Normalizing and Discussing Death

• The Necessity of Talking About Death

  • Tig articulates her newfound belief that death should feature more in everyday conversation—not as something to avoid, but to understand and integrate (17:27–19:21):

    “This experience with Andrea really made me understand the importance of really talking about death rather than live my life fearing death and trying to kick it away.”
    — Tig Notaro (18:53)

• Humor and Tenderness in Heavy Moments

  • Tig and Anderson use humor to lighten the intensity, imagining themselves as a comedic “death doula” duo, recognizing the role of humor in processing grief (18:09–18:46).

8. Andrea Gibson’s Words from the Afterlife

• Featured Poems

  • Anderson plays audio of Andrea’s poem contemplating the presence of the dead among the living—a message of profound comfort (19:27–20:22):

    “Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. ... Ask me the altitude of heaven. I will answer, how tall are you?”
    — Andrea Gibson (19:27)

  • Tig and Anderson marvel at Gibson’s poetic ability to capture the presence of lost loved ones and the meaning of staying open to life even after loss (20:44–21:34).

9. Lessons from Grief: Acceptance and Growth

• Learning to Not Avoid the Hard Moments

  • Tig recounts a childhood story of jumping from a window to help a friend—not a recommended move, but a metaphor for facing hard things directly, including grief (26:07–28:04):

    “When I have to do something hard, I just...go off and I. I think the lesson goes back to your question...and it is to not avoid it. ... I feel it has opened me as a person tremendously to explore it and be also available to others in their grief.”
    — Tig Notaro (27:15)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Living With Grief:
  “I'm happy that I'm sad at times. I'm happy I still have your feeling. That's right. It's not supposed to go away. It just isn't. You're supposed to be able to live with it and still have a good life and a happy life and still have grief.”
  — Joe Sims (02:16)

• On the Presence of the Deceased:
  “I have to say, it's really the first time I've experienced a death in the way that I have, where I really feel Andrea, and I don't know what that is, but the grief I feel...you go about your day and you're doing all right, and then all of a sudden, a truck parks itself on your chest...”
  — Tig Notaro (08:14)

• On Death as a Transformative Experience:
  “I don't want to get caught up in anything that's not real. And that was real. That was really real. What I witnessed, the love, the humanity was on overdrive.”
  — Tig Notaro (12:46)

• On Accepting Mortality:
  “Death really is coming for us all. I don't know if it's right to, say, make friends with that idea of dying, but it really should be more in conversation.”
  — Tig Notaro (17:27)

• From Andrea Gibson’s “Letter from the Afterlife”:
  “Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. ... Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, how tall are you?”
  — Andrea Gibson (19:27–20:22)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:00] Joe Sims on the experience of living with grief after losing his son.
• [04:08] Andrea Gibson audio: “I want my very last second to be like, damn, I wish I had a million more of these.”
• [07:13] Tig on anticipatory grief: “It didn't feel possible for Andrea to not be alive in this physical world.”
• [10:06] Tig on the agony of letting go at deathbeds.
• [11:03] How Andrea’s funeral became a beautiful celebration.
• [12:21] Andrea’s direct words: “I fucking loved my life.”
• [13:59] Tig describes the profound, lingering impact of those final days.
• [17:27] On the need for more conversations about death.
• [19:27] Andrea Gibson’s poem “Letter from the Afterlife.”
• [26:07] Tig’s metaphor about facing hard moments.

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Final Reflections

The episode closes with Anderson and Tig finding camaraderie in their shared, sometimes suppressed approach to grief. Tig encourages listeners not to shy away from sorrow but to let it open them—to face it, sit with it, and find pockets of beauty, memory, and humanity within it.

The discussion of Andrea Gibson’s poetry leaves both the audience and the speakers with the feeling that love and presence persist—even after loss. This is a gentle, moving exploration of what it means to carry grief—not as a burden to be discarded, but as a thread woven into the fabric of ongoing life.

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Useful for:

• Anyone navigating personal loss
• Those seeking permission to feel or talk about grief
• Readers and fans of Andrea Gibson
• Listeners looking for an honest, gently humorous, and deeply empathetic approach to mortality and living meaningfully.

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Transcript

[Anderson Cooper]

Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they're still alive? Poet Andrea Gibson, who died this summer, wrote those words. Tig Notaro was there when Andrea Gibson died, and we'll talk to her about what she witnessed and how it's made Tig rethink her own life. That's coming up on this episode of All There Is. This past week, I interviewed two people who also witnessed the deaths of their loved ones. Susan Heim's son Charlie died at 17. He died in her arms this summer around the same time Andrea Gibson died. Susan had cared for Charlie his whole life. He had down syndrome and cerebral palsy. Joe Sims cared for his son Jacob for 33 years. He also had special needs. Jacob died six years ago. And I want to play you some of what Joe said on All There Is Live, the companion show to this podcast.

[Joe Sims]

One of the things that Jacob loved to do was go on road trips. He loved nature, he loved being outside. He loved. I loved putting his feet in a creek and let him feel the cool water. And I even took him near by one of the waterfalls and he felt the mist of the water. I think that was his best time when he was doing that. Even though he lived to only 33, he had a full life. And then it. It ends and you don't know what you're supposed to do. You lose yourself because your whole identity is wrapped around his every moment and you hit the wall. And then he passed away on a Tuesday, and my wife and I were lost on Wednesday. We wandered around for months trying to figure out our life without him. There's some days that I still feel the fog, and then there's other days I can see out of the fog. And I think that's what my son would want. I don't want to stop grieving, though. Honestly, Anderson, I don't want to stop grieving. I think the grieving is healthy. It keeps me in touch with them. I talk to him every day.

[Anderson Cooper]

You feel him in your grief?

[Joe Sims]

Oh, big time, sure. Yeah. Just like you do with your grief. And it's weird to say this, but I'm happy that I'm sad at times. I'm happy I still have your feeling. That's right. It's not supposed to go away. It just isn't. You're supposed to be able to live with it and still have a good life and a happy life and still have grief. There's. You can live with both.

[Anderson Cooper]

Can you say Jacob's full name so that everybody listening hears it.

[Joe Sims]

It's Jacob David Sims, born in Phoenix, Arizona, in 1986. January 17th. His birthday's coming up.

[Anderson Cooper]

Maybe everybody at home who's watching could repeat the name just so that everybody tonight is speaking his name out there into the. Into the universe. Jacob David Sims.

[Joe Sims]

I appreciate that. Thank you.

[Anderson Cooper]

In a moment, my conversation with Tig Notaro. My guest today is comedian cancer survivor Tig Notaro. I spoke to Tig just days after she'd attended a memorial in celebration of life for her longtime friend, spoken word poet Andrea Gibson. Andrea died July 14th. They were 49 years old. Andrea, who used the pronouns they and them, was diagnosed four years ago with stage four ovarian cancer. When Andrea died, Tig was there in the home that Andrea shared with her wife, Megan Fowleigh. Tig is also a producer on an incredibly moving documentary that follows Andrea and Megan through Andrea's illness. The film is called Come See Me in the Good Light. And you can watch it streaming on Apple TV right now. I played part of the film with Tig when she sat down. And I want you to hear Andrea's words. I want you to meet Andrea Gibson.

[Andrea Gibson]

I feel like I lived so much longer in these last years than I did all the years before.

[Joe Sims]

Wow.

[Andrea Gibson]

I.

[Joe Sims]

Wow.

[Andrea Gibson]

I got this life, and I know I'm not gonna die today. Like, I feel pretty certain. So, wow. I like, wow. I get tomorrow, too. So what happens next? I don't know. I want to live in the mystery, you know, I want my very last second to be like, damn, I wish I had a million more of these.

[Anderson Cooper]

Do you feel like that is what Andrea's seconds were like?

[Tig Notaro]

No doubt. Yeah. And, man, hearing Andrea's voice, it's tough.

[Anderson Cooper]

I think it's still so recent, too.

[Tig Notaro]

It's very recent, but hearing Andrea just now was. Yeah, it just. I can't stand that Andrea is gone.

[Anderson Cooper]

Today is actually Andrea's birthday.

[Tig Notaro]

Mm. Andrea Gibson turned 50 years old today. Yeah. Almost made it.

[Anderson Cooper]

How did you meet Andrea?

[Tig Notaro]

When I left Texas as a teenager, I dropped out of high school and moved to Colorado. And I met Andrea backstage at this theater called Old Bane.

[Anderson Cooper]

Andrea was already doing spoken word poetry.

[Tig Notaro]

Yep. Andrea looked like a rock star. Tattoos. Just to find out Andrea was a poet. It was not my world, and I was in comedy at the time, but a poet. I was like, okay, I'm listening. And then Andrea went on stage and leveled the place. I was stunned. I didn't know that was poetry. I didn't know poetry could look like that. But that's how Andrea's shows were. It was just, like, so intense, so you could be crying. And then Andrea was one of the funniest, most ridiculous people. And that's where I fully connected.

[Anderson Cooper]

Meg said at one point that she didn't want to grieve while Andrea was alive. She was intentionally not going down that road. Do you feel like you have already been grieving Andrea before Andrea died?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yes, for sure. It was also very confusing. I feel like I'm very grounded, and then I find myself in these moments of life where I'm like, maybe Andrea's lying about having cancer. You know, like, you know, like some weird Netflix documentary. Yeah. You hear stories about people lying. And I was like, man, that would be the greatest ending to this story is just to find out my friend has deep trauma and lied about this. And let's dig in and figure that out. It didn't feel possible for Andrea to not be alive in this physical world.

[Anderson Cooper]

Does it feel different than you expected it to be?

[Tig Notaro]

I think it's definitely different. I didn't expect to feel Andrea so much.

[Anderson Cooper]

Andrea's presence still?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've lost my mother, my father, my stepfather, my cousin. I've lost many friends and colleagues. I have to say, it's really the first time I've experienced a death in the way that I have, where I really feel Andrea, and I don't know what that is, but the grief I feel, you know how tricky it is. You go about your day and you're doing all right, and then all of a sudden, a truck parks itself on your chest and you can't do anything. It's so confusing that Andrea's gone. Like, I was just at their memorial in Denver a couple of nights ago, and it really just felt like we were at a party for Andrea. I mean, it was devastating. And poets from every corner of the globe came in to read Andrea's poetry, and it was a. This is going to sound crazy. A greatest hits night. I mean, God, they're hits. It's hit poetry. What am I saying? But it's true. It was just so beautiful.

[Anderson Cooper]

As you said, you've experienced grief before your mom died, and then very shortly after that, you got cancer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, yes. It was a four month, I think, period of time that I had pneumonia. Then I contracted this intestinal disease called C. Diff, and I had invasive cancer. My mother tripped, hit her head, and died, and my girlfriend and I split up. So that was an overload of grief. Grief about my body after surgeries. And.

[Anderson Cooper]

Did I read correctly that you had to make the decision of removing.

[Tig Notaro]

Life support from my mother? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with my stepfather. I describe it to people like, you're watching your loved one drown, and you can't throw them any sort of safety net. You just have to let them drown as you hold their hand. And same with Andrea being dehydrated, and they desperately want any sort of hydration. And then after a certain point, you just have to let go. And it's every deathbed that I've been or end of life, it's so different. It's so different. And Andrea's was at home and really one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

[Anderson Cooper]

Beautiful in what way?

[Tig Notaro]

That's not to say it wasn't utterly devastating and that feeling of unfairness, but there were just a lot of different people from different times in Andrea's life that traveled actual long distances, planes, trains, automobiles, and emotional journeys that people were on. And I remember after my diagnosis, that feeling when you know how precious something is, it's that sweet spot. But it oftentimes and sadly comes in the very last moment. A breakup or somebody's dying. You can see everything so clearly. Every grudge goes completely away, and everybody really holding each other through it for days, literally holding each other, no matter how well you did or didn't know the person next to you. One of the things was Andrea was highly medicated because when people are in that in the final moments, there's discomfort and pain.

[Anderson Cooper]

And Andrea said something.

[Tig Notaro]

One of the things was, I fucking loved my life. Yeah, I fucking loved my life. And we all just looked at each other. It was a gift. It was such a gift. To be able to hear Andrea say that and to be in the room when that happened was extraordinary.

[Anderson Cooper]

You called it a transformative experience, being there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I don't even know how to explain what I was just a part of and what I just witnessed. It really, really resonated on a very deep level of I don't want to get caught up in anything that's not real. And that was real. That was really real. What I witnessed, the love, the humanity was on overdrive.

[Anderson Cooper]

It's beautiful.

[Tig Notaro]

It was really beautiful. Really beautiful.

[Anderson Cooper]

I mean, one can't ask for any other way to die, really.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I want.

[Anderson Cooper]

More of my conversation with Tig Notaro in just a moment. If you want to listen or watch past episodes of this podcast, you can do that at Our community page, CNN.comAllThe that's where you can also watch our new weekly companion show called All There Is Live. It's Thursday nights at 9:15pm Eastern. We'll be right back with more from Tig. We're back with Tig Notaro. Do you feel like you have gone back to your regular life or do you still feel that transformative power?

[Tig Notaro]

It's rippling on a very deep level that's making me feel tethered to really what matters. And I don't know how long that, you know, I'm human and you go in and out of that or I do, but I feel very tethered to, yeah, what matters and who matters. And it's really making me rethink a lot of things in my life.

[Anderson Cooper]

Yet you don't want to go back to just normal life.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I want a new normal, not holding on to anything that's not real. I was lucky enough to be in Colorado for the couple of weeks after Andrea passed and I couldn't sleep well. And I was getting up at four in the morning and I didn't know what to do with myself or what to do with this energy. And I was taking 6am walks and watching the sun come up and told my wife, Stephanie. I was like, I have so much energy that I don't know where to put it that I feel like I just want to walk back to Andrea's house. And she was like, what are you talking about? You can't. It's a four hour drive. And I was like, I'm up for it. She was like, okay, where are you going to sleep? I was like, I don't care. I'll sleep on the side of the road. I felt like I don't need any food or any water. I just have this crazy energy in me where I just, I felt so connected to that room where Andrea was and where Andrea's loved ones and closest people and exes and family, like it was this otherworldly experience. And it's a sweet spot that would be incredible to be able to live in, but it's sadly not realistic. I turned to Stephanie at one point and said, and can you believe at some point I'm going to have to exit the 101 onto Melrose and just head back into Hollywood. I could not comprehend such a thing.

[Anderson Cooper]

That juxtaposition is so, it's interesting. I lived briefly in Los angeles, my early 20s, when I was first starting out as a reporter. And I was just going to war zones and conflict zones and I would be in these incredible, extraordinary places where horrific things were happening and it was life and death and the molecules of the air were charged with human emotion. And, I mean, it was just impossible to describe. And then to return to Los Angeles and be in a supermarket and there's like cool mist on the vegetables and.

[Tig Notaro]

Go work out at Crunch. Yeah.

[Anderson Cooper]

I mean, all I wanted to do was leave and go back.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Anderson Cooper]

Even though when I was there, I was depressed and horrified by what I was seeing.

[Tig Notaro]

Very similar. I was devastated. Devastated. But I was also very aware that this was the greatest in humanity. What was going on in Belgium. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

[Anderson Cooper]

I think it's one of the reasons I started this podcast is cause just the weirdness that this is stuff people don't. And yet it is something that everybody may experience at some point in their life if they're lucky to be there when their loved one is leaving.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, what I think I really realized through this experience is that death really is coming for us all. I don't know if it's right to, say, make friends with that idea of dying, but it really should be more in conversation. I don't want my death to sneak up on my kids, although I've had a lot of health issues, so I don't know if it's gonna sneak up on anyone. But I really have such a new. Not that I'm gonna abandon comedy and become a death doula, but.

[Anderson Cooper]

Oh, my God, don't get me started on death doulas. I mean, I hear from so many of them. It's an extraordinary thing.

[Tig Notaro]

It is extraordinary. And I get it.

[Anderson Cooper]

I get it. I seriously consider giving up my job.

[Tig Notaro]

Anderson and Tigg's death doula.

[Anderson Cooper]

I would do it. I'll do it if you do it, sir.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's do it. I mean, hospice nurses, death doulas.

[Anderson Cooper]

Well, I'm so pale and white. People would think, like, they're already in the afterlife when I walk in. You get them laughing. And then I would walk in and freak everybody out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Anderson Cooper]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

I think people would freak out if we were who showed up in their final moments of life.

[Anderson Cooper]

Ding dong, T and A are here. Tna.

[Tig Notaro]

Tna. Tig and. And. Oh, right, yeah.

[Anderson Cooper]

Tig and Anderson.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Okay.

[Anderson Cooper]

No, I wasn't. I mean, it was a. I was making a reference to it, but I was not.

[Tig Notaro]

Right.

[Anderson Cooper]

No, I think that'll stay.

[Tig Notaro]

We need to get business cards to make. But no, this experience with Andrea really made me understand the importance of really talking about death rather than live my life fearing death and trying to kick it away. At every possible move I'm making, to just really incorporate it into my thoughts and the way I go about things. Because it's coming.

[Anderson Cooper]

Andrea wrote a poem, a letter from the afterlife. I just want to play part of it.

[Andrea Gibson]

My love, I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined. So close you look past me when wondering where I am. It's okay. I know that to be human is to be farsighted. But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living. Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, how tall are you?

[Anderson Cooper]

It's pretty incredible, Andrew saying, why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven. I'll answer, how tall are you? I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. One of my favorite things Andrea ever said was, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make things beautiful on the page? And. Yeah, and Andrea wrote that. And Andrea spoke those words to Meg's face. I also love the line of, like, I'm so close that you look past me. You don't even know that I'm there. I feel that.

[Anderson Cooper]

And the dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. That idea, to me is so moving. I had never really grieved until a couple years ago. I never really allowed myself to. And I do think that if you allow yourself to feel grief, you can feel the person alive inside you.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe it's like I'm experiencing what you experienced two years ago of opening yourself up to something like that. Grief on whatever level.

[Anderson Cooper]

By the way, I don't know why I'm the one who's always crying on this frigging podcast of mine. I don't know why it's supposed to be the guests who are crying. It's not supposed to be like, the host is very pathetic. Jesus, pull yourself together, Anderson. I was imagining. Are you thinking like, God, this guy's a wreck?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I was thinking, this is disconcerting.

[Anderson Cooper]

Nobody told me this guy was such an emotional basket kiss why didn't anyone.

[Tig Notaro]

Mention what a loose cannon this man was? No, I think it's incredible and I think it's that space that I'm truly sitting here. And I've already said to you I adore you and I love your work and I felt like I knew you and I. But I am sitting here going, God, I would love to talk more with you. I would love to know more. I feel very much in this space.

[Anderson Cooper]

It's okay if you want to ask me questions too. Don't worry. I'm egotistical enough that I will answer. But I do want to play something else that Andrea wrote and spoke in a letter from the afterlife.

[Andrea Gibson]

My love, I want to sing it through the rafters of your bones. Dying is the opposite of leaving. I want to echo it through the corridor of your temples. I am more with you than I ever was before. Do you understand? It was me who beckoned the stranger who caught you in her arms when you forgot not to order for two at the coffee shop. It was me who was up all night gathering sunflowers into your chest the last day you feared you would never again wake up feeling light hearted. I know it's hard to believe, but I promise it's the truth. I promise one day you will say it too. I can't believe I ever thought I could lose you.

[Anderson Cooper]

I really hope that's true.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Anderson Cooper]

That dying is the opposite of leaving. Do you believe that?

[Tig Notaro]

I think I. I'm like really trying to understand and make sense of my feelings because I haven't been somebody that has felt that. Really.

[Anderson Cooper]

You don't strike me as the kind of person to push down your feelings.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm so sarcastically.

[Anderson Cooper]

Because I see myself in you and so I know it when I see it.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Yeah. My wife is very into feeling. Well, no, I'm actually very sensitive. But as far as my belief in what's going on after this life I haven't really bought into. I'm kind of buying in. With Andrea, death inevitably brings up coulda, shoulda, woulda's. And with Andrea, I had this dream for years that I would go on tour with Andrea and for years I'd be like, ah, I'll do it later. I don't know if you experience that. Yeah, I mean, of course, shoulda, coulda, wouldas.

[Joe Sims]

Absolutely.

[Tig Notaro]

They're the toughest after a death.

[Anderson Cooper]

I mean, I wish I'd interviewed Andrea two years ago about what they were going through.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, and that's what's so incredible to see, like, how exciting that the world is finding out about Andrea Gibson. There's no world that I thought when I met that scrappy little rock star poet backstage at Old Main and Boulder, that they would become who they became. Stephanie was saying, andrea Gibson is now going to be one of very few poets people know by name. That is wild. What poet becomes famous, you know, then publishes eight books and Anderson Cooper is sitting here saying, I wish I had interviewed Andrea Gibson. It's really remarkable.

[Anderson Cooper]

I asked a question to everybody on the podcast. Is there something you've learned in your grief that would help others?

[Tig Notaro]

I think about those kind of hard moments that you don't want to face that seem impossible at the time. I have fear initially in a lot of those hard moments, like, how am I going to do this? When I was a kid in junior high school, I hung out with this guy John. He was a rocker and had the most incredible vinyl collection. And we'd hang out in his bedroom and listen to records. And one day he was like, oh, dude, my mom just got home. I'm not supposed to have anyone over. Can you jump out of my window? And I was like, what? And I was like on the ledge of his second floor window and I'm like, I can't let John get in trouble. So I just jumped and. And that moment that I just had to force myself to jump and just do it, I've taken with me my whole life. Because even though, and look, I don't recommend jumping, especially when you're like a knobby kneed seventh grader onto cement. But that moment that I just, I had to mind over matter, just go, just jump. And when I have to do something hard, I just, I go off and I. And I think that the lesson goes back to your question of what have I learned from my grief? And it is to not avoid it. And for a long time I've avoided grief and wasn't quite ready for it. And I feel it has opened me as a person tremendously to explore it and be also available to others in their grief.

[Anderson Cooper]

Wait a minute, are you gonna start a grief podcast? Cause I'm the only one who has repressed my grief my entire life who gets to have a podcast about it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, if you're looking for co host funny and everything. Damn it. God.

[Anderson Cooper]

That's the only thing I had going.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm taking this from you too. Yeah.

[Anderson Cooper]

There can only be one person who's repressed their grief.

[Tig Notaro]

Only one gay grief repressed with unprocessed or whatever you want to call it, connections To Mississippi.

[Anderson Cooper]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

With two sons.

[Anderson Cooper]

Yeah. Two sons.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Anderson Cooper]

Is there anything else you want to say?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I just.

[Anderson Cooper]

Do you regret walking into this? What, did your bookers tell you what to do? Thank you so much.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you having me.

[Anderson Cooper]

I know the holidays can be tough, and I hope you know that you're not alone. If you have something that helps you get through these holidays, leave us a video message on our Instagram at allthereis or at our voicemail box 404-827-1805. All there is is going to be back with a new episode on December 2 with musician Nick Cave, who. Who's experienced the death of two sons, Arthur and Jethro.

[Audie Cornish]

What I came to understand is that we are all sort of creatures of loss, that we are all part of the world and that we are all suffering in our own ways. The world is suffering from loss. It is the thing that holds us together.

[Anderson Cooper]

There is an ocean of grief out there.

[Audie Cornish]

Yeah. And I think that that's the sort of connective tissue that holds us all together. It's the thing that we can. We can look. I can look at you, you can look at me. And we understand that within our lives, whatever they may be, there is this sort of thread of. Of loss that runs through wherever you.

[Anderson Cooper]

Are in your grief. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad we're together. You're not alone.

[Tig Notaro]

Thanks for listening to All There Is with Anderson Cooper. Follow and listen to all There Is on Amazon Music. Or just ask Alexa, play the podcast All There Is on Amazon Music. Hey, friends, this is Audie Cornish, host of CNN this Morning and the Assignment. And guess what? Every story you care about, every angle you want unpacked is now streaming on cnn. So subscribe to CNN at cnn. Com Subscription.