All There Is with Anderson Cooper

Episode: Tig Notaro: Finding What Matters

Date: November 19, 2025
Host: Anderson Cooper
Guest: Tig Notaro (comedian and cancer survivor)
Focus: An intimate conversation about grief, love, presence, and how witnessing the death of poet Andrea Gibson has transformed Tig Notaro’s perspective on life and loss.

Episode Overview

In this deeply empathetic and honest episode, Anderson Cooper welcomes comedian Tig Notaro to discuss grief in all its forms. The conversation centers on the recent death of Tig’s friend, the acclaimed poet Andrea Gibson, and how being present at Gibson’s deathbed—and witnessing their final moments—reframed Tig’s understanding of both living and dying. Tig and Anderson share personal stories of bereavement, explore how grief can feel both anchoring and disruptive, and reflect on the meaning and importance of keeping the memory and presence of loved ones alive.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Living With and Through Grief

• Anderson and Guests on the Experience of Grief

  • The episode opens with clips from guests Joe Sims and Susan Heim, each reflecting on the ongoing presence of their deceased children. Joe Sims describes how grief, while painful, keeps his connection to his son Jacob alive (01:00–02:16):

    “I don't want to stop grieving, though. Honestly, Anderson, I don't want to stop grieving. I think the grieving is healthy. It keeps me in touch with them. I talk to him every day.”
    — Joe Sims (02:01)

  • Anderson highlights the communal act of saying their children's names aloud as a way to honor memory and presence (02:43–03:07).

2. Remembering Andrea Gibson

• Introduction to Andrea Gibson’s Life and Death

  • Anderson introduces Andrea Gibson—acclaimed poet and spoken word artist, who passed away from ovarian cancer at age 49 (03:09–04:08).

  • Tig Notaro was present during Andrea’s final moments, and she recently helped produce a documentary chronicling Andrea’s illness and legacy.

  • Audio clips of Andrea reflect on savoring life’s last years and the desire to live fully in mystery (04:08–05:07):

    “I want my very last second to be like, damn, I wish I had a million more of these.”
    — Andrea Gibson (04:58)

3. Tig’s Friendship and Bond with Andrea

• How Tig Met Andrea & Their Connection

  • Tig recalls meeting Andrea backstage as a teenager, describing Andrea’s “rock star” presence and the transformative, emotional power of their poetry (05:55–06:55):

    “Andrea went on stage and leveled the place. ... I didn't know poetry could look like that. But that's how Andrea's shows were—so intense, you could be crying, and then Andrea was one of the funniest, most ridiculous people.”
    — Tig Notaro (06:23)

4. Anticipatory and Present Grief

• Grieving Before Loss

  • Anderson and Tig discuss whether they started mourning Andrea before their passing, especially after Andrea’s diagnosis (06:55–08:06).

  • Tig opens up about the confusion of seeing a friend so full of life while knowing the end was coming:

    “It didn't feel possible for Andrea to not be alive in this physical world.”
    — Tig Notaro (07:48)

  • The discussion captures the “trickiness” of grief hitting unexpectedly amid mundane moments, and how Andrea’s memorial felt more like a celebration of “greatest hits” than a farewell (08:16–09:25).

5. Witnessing Death and Its Transformative Power

• Tig’s Experiences of Loss

  • Tig outlines a period of compounded grief in her own life—her mother’s sudden death, her cancer diagnosis, and relationship breakups (09:33–10:03).

    “It was a four-month period I had pneumonia, [C. Diff], invasive cancer...my mother tripped, hit her head, and died, and my girlfriend and I split up. So that was an overload of grief.”
    — Tig Notaro (09:33)

• Letting Go at the End

  • Tig describes the agony and helplessness of being with a loved one at their end, including removing life support from both her mother and stepfather, and the parallel with Andrea’s final days (10:06–11:03):

    “You're watching your loved one drown, and you can't throw them any sort of safety net. You have to just let them drown as you hold their hand.”
    — Tig Notaro (10:16)

• Beauty Amid Pain

  • Despite the devastation, Tig calls Andrea’s death “one of the most beautiful experiences” of her life because of the love and clarity present in those final days (11:03–13:15):

    “Everyone really holding each other through it for days, literally holding each other...the love, the humanity was on overdrive.”
    — Tig Notaro (12:46)

6. The Aftermath and Integration of Grief

• The Energy and Disorientation After Loss

  • Tig shares the almost “otherworldly” energy she felt in the wake of Andrea’s death, her driving need to return to the place of loss, and the allure (and impossibility) of living in a heightened awareness forever (13:59–16:09).

  • Anderson relates, drawing from his experiences as a journalist returning from war zones, describing the bizarre dissonance of returning to “normal” life after events supercharged by meaning and emotion (16:09–17:11):

    “The molecules of the air were charged with human emotion...and then to return to Los Angeles and be in a supermarket and there's like cool mist on the vegetables...”
    — Anderson Cooper (16:24)

7. Normalizing and Discussing Death

• The Necessity of Talking About Death

  • Tig articulates her newfound belief that death should feature more in everyday conversation—not as something to avoid, but to understand and integrate (17:27–19:21):

    “This experience with Andrea really made me understand the importance of really talking about death rather than live my life fearing death and trying to kick it away.”
    — Tig Notaro (18:53)

• Humor and Tenderness in Heavy Moments

  • Tig and Anderson use humor to lighten the intensity, imagining themselves as a comedic “death doula” duo, recognizing the role of humor in processing grief (18:09–18:46).

8. Andrea Gibson’s Words from the Afterlife

• Featured Poems

  • Anderson plays audio of Andrea’s poem contemplating the presence of the dead among the living—a message of profound comfort (19:27–20:22):

    “Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. ... Ask me the altitude of heaven. I will answer, how tall are you?”
    — Andrea Gibson (19:27)

  • Tig and Anderson marvel at Gibson’s poetic ability to capture the presence of lost loved ones and the meaning of staying open to life even after loss (20:44–21:34).

9. Lessons from Grief: Acceptance and Growth

• Learning to Not Avoid the Hard Moments

  • Tig recounts a childhood story of jumping from a window to help a friend—not a recommended move, but a metaphor for facing hard things directly, including grief (26:07–28:04):

    “When I have to do something hard, I just...go off and I. I think the lesson goes back to your question...and it is to not avoid it. ... I feel it has opened me as a person tremendously to explore it and be also available to others in their grief.”
    — Tig Notaro (27:15)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Living With Grief:
  “I'm happy that I'm sad at times. I'm happy I still have your feeling. That's right. It's not supposed to go away. It just isn't. You're supposed to be able to live with it and still have a good life and a happy life and still have grief.”
  — Joe Sims (02:16)

• On the Presence of the Deceased:
  “I have to say, it's really the first time I've experienced a death in the way that I have, where I really feel Andrea, and I don't know what that is, but the grief I feel...you go about your day and you're doing all right, and then all of a sudden, a truck parks itself on your chest...”
  — Tig Notaro (08:14)

• On Death as a Transformative Experience:
  “I don't want to get caught up in anything that's not real. And that was real. That was really real. What I witnessed, the love, the humanity was on overdrive.”
  — Tig Notaro (12:46)

• On Accepting Mortality:
  “Death really is coming for us all. I don't know if it's right to, say, make friends with that idea of dying, but it really should be more in conversation.”
  — Tig Notaro (17:27)

• From Andrea Gibson’s “Letter from the Afterlife”:
  “Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. ... Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, how tall are you?”
  — Andrea Gibson (19:27–20:22)

Important Timestamps

• [01:00] Joe Sims on the experience of living with grief after losing his son.
• [04:08] Andrea Gibson audio: “I want my very last second to be like, damn, I wish I had a million more of these.”
• [07:13] Tig on anticipatory grief: “It didn't feel possible for Andrea to not be alive in this physical world.”
• [10:06] Tig on the agony of letting go at deathbeds.
• [11:03] How Andrea’s funeral became a beautiful celebration.
• [12:21] Andrea’s direct words: “I fucking loved my life.”
• [13:59] Tig describes the profound, lingering impact of those final days.
• [17:27] On the need for more conversations about death.
• [19:27] Andrea Gibson’s poem “Letter from the Afterlife.”
• [26:07] Tig’s metaphor about facing hard moments.

Final Reflections

The episode closes with Anderson and Tig finding camaraderie in their shared, sometimes suppressed approach to grief. Tig encourages listeners not to shy away from sorrow but to let it open them—to face it, sit with it, and find pockets of beauty, memory, and humanity within it.

The discussion of Andrea Gibson’s poetry leaves both the audience and the speakers with the feeling that love and presence persist—even after loss. This is a gentle, moving exploration of what it means to carry grief—not as a burden to be discarded, but as a thread woven into the fabric of ongoing life.

Useful for:

• Anyone navigating personal loss
• Those seeking permission to feel or talk about grief
• Readers and fans of Andrea Gibson
• Listeners looking for an honest, gently humorous, and deeply empathetic approach to mortality and living meaningfully.