Stan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively.

They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different.

The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning.

00:00 Intro

03:06 What Makes Talks Hard

04:30 Avoidance And Timing

06:53 Family Conversation Traps

08:54 Hero Villain Victim

10:06 Respond To Feelings

12:40 Switch Track Conversations

14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion

18:04 Loss

19:43 Intent Versus Impact

20:33 Comment Dilemma

23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson

27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution

29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization

33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide

34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist

38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth

42:36 Money Talks For Couples

49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning

51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools

54:58 Resources And Farewell

Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting

Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.