Podcast Summary: Am I Doing It Wrong? — "Tips and Tricks for Managing Our Emotions"
Hosted by Raj Panjabi Johnson & Noah Michelson, with guest Dr. Ryan Martin, The Anger Professor
Episode Release: March 5, 2026
Episode Overview
In this episode, hosts Raj and Noah explore the intricacies of managing emotions—something everyone struggles with. Joined by psychologist Dr. Ryan Martin (aka "The Anger Professor" and author of Emotional Hacks), the hosts break down the science of emotions, debunk common myths, and share practical strategies ("hacks") to help listeners understand, regulate, and honor their feelings. The conversation is candid, inclusive, and packed with humor and actionable advice, with Dr. Martin highlighting both scientific insights and the importance of context and privilege in emotional management.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
What Are Emotions and Why Do We Have Them?
[05:16–06:46]
- Dr. Ryan Martin defines emotions as psychological states combining physiology, thoughts, and behaviors.
- Emotions serve as critical sources of information, alerting us to things like danger (fear), unfairness (anger), or loss (sadness).
- They energize and motivate us to respond to situations.
“They're one of the ways that your brain alerts you to your circumstances... and actually provide you with some energy to respond.”
— Ryan Martin [06:09]
Debunking the “Big Change” Myth & Introducing “Emotional Hacks”
[07:07–08:41]
- Common misconception: Happiness comes from major life changes ("I'll be happy when...").
- Big changes can be stressful and are not the main route to emotional well-being.
- Regular, small choices impact mood more consistently. The book offers 50 "hacks" or strategies to support emotional regulation.
“I don't actually think... you can choose how you feel. But I do think you make lots of choices... that affect how you feel.”
— Ryan Martin [07:43]
Caveats: When “Hacks” Aren’t Enough
[09:14–10:58]
- The book and this episode’s advice are not substitutes for professional help with serious mental health issues (e.g., major depression, PTSD).
- Recognizes societal privilege: Not everyone has equal access to resources like nutritious food or safe places to sleep, which affects emotional regulation.
“One of the consequences of an unjust society is that it takes a toll on people's mental well-being too.”
— Ryan Martin [10:28]
The “Emotional Hack Pack”: Toolkit Mentality
[11:08–12:06]
- Emotional strategies (hacks) are tools; not every tool fits every situation.
- Self-examination is key to knowing which tools to use and when.
“Not every tool is right for every job... what you need in one circumstance might be different than what you need in a different circumstance.”
— Ryan Martin [11:22]
The Power of Mantras & Self-Talk
[12:24–15:32]
- Having a mantra is scientifically beneficial (it activates positive parts of the brain and focuses attention).
- The specific content and empowerment level of the mantra matters.
- Changing your self-narrative can shift your emotion.
“Your emotions are... rooted in part in the stories you tell yourself. If you're telling yourself ‘I'm a bad bitch,’ that's a very different story than something else.”
— Ryan Martin [14:14]
- Notable Quotes:
- “It's the story we're telling ourselves that is like, you're safe, right?” — Raj [15:11]
- “Do the next right thing.” (Ryan’s updated mantra) [15:32]
Understanding “Stimulus Hacks”
[16:07–22:37]
- Emotions result from three factors: the stimulus, your mood at the time, and your interpretation.
- We can choose the stimuli we engage with (e.g., less doomscrolling, fewer events you dread attending).
- Healthy boundaries can prevent negative emotions, but total avoidance can be problematic—balance is needed.
“There are things... we can think about, how we're engaging in the world and whether or not we're doing so in a way that is emotionally healthy.”
— Ryan Martin [17:42]
- Memorable exchange:
Noah describes his mantra for avoiding unwanted social events:
“You can either have a little bit of guilt or a lot of anger.” [18:22]
- Avoidance has limits; sitting with some discomfort is vital for growth and connection.
“People do need to learn to sit with some discomfort... enough that we can start to get used to some of that.”
— Ryan Martin [20:07]
Healthy Distractions: Coping in the Moment
[25:25–29:48]
- Healthy distractions: socializing, laughter, coloring, nature walks, focusing on the arts.
- Focusing attention during a distraction (like birdwatching instead of just walking) enhances benefit.
- Use grounding techniques regularly and in emotional high moments.
“I got an adult coloring book... just doing that for 10 minutes a day as a way of sort of giving me something to focus on other than work or problems...”
— Ryan Martin [26:32]
- “Pets really help with this... my dog knows when I need to pet her.” [29:49–30:13]
“Mood Hacks”: Preparing Your Baseline
[30:13–31:43]
- Hydration, nutrition, rest, and engaging with the arts are simple ways to build emotional resilience.
- Social connection and creativity buffer stress.
“There's really interesting research on how just simple dehydration can lead to increased emotional reactivity...”
— Ryan Martin [30:28]
- Humorous moment: Raj reacts to being asked if she’s had water when cranky [31:13].
Exercise: The Right Kind at the Right Time
[31:46–34:51]
- Regular exercise boosts mental well-being; doesn’t need to be vigorous.
- However, using intense exercise (e.g. boxing, running) while angry or fearful may not de-escalate those emotions. Gentle activities (walks, yoga) are better for calming down in the moment.
“Boxing, going for a run... feel good, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they help bring the anger down.”
— Ryan Martin [34:51]
Stress Management: “Interpretation Hacks”
[35:09–39:31]
- Stress raises baseline emotional volatility; self-care, grounding, and story-telling matter.
- Reframe your interpretation of events (e.g., avoid "catastrophizing," watch your "shoulds," and reduce negative labeling of others).
- Memorable Quote:
“Catastrophizing is a form of interpretation... Is this thing that's happened really catastrophic? If it is, treat it as such, but often it's just a mild nuisance.”
— Ryan Martin [36:29]
Personal Anecdote [38:01–39:51]
Noah recounts accidentally calling a customer service rep an "idiot" and realizing how labeling impacts interaction and self-reflection.
Challenging Core Beliefs & Behavioral Change
[40:32–45:12]
- Identifying and interrogating core beliefs (e.g., “I can’t be a burden”) helps unravel automatic emotional reactions.
- Becoming aware of patterns is the first step; behavioral change comes gradually with acknowledgment and repetition.
“The fact that you're even recognizing that feeling, that is the next step... it's just a lot of repetition, practice, and acknowledging what's happening in the moment.”
— Noah Michelson [44:44]
Community, Connection, and Boundaries
[45:12–46:55]
- Friendships and social support bring concrete help and emotional security.
- Helping others can boost your own self-esteem. Setting boundaries (even healthy ones against helping people move!) is legitimate.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- "Panic with me, won't you?" — Raj [04:27]
- “It's the sour cream on the burrito.” — Raj, about needing a calming partner [04:44]
- “I'm a bad bitch.” — Raj [12:32, 51:08]
- “You can either have a little bit of guilt or a lot of anger.” — Noah [18:22]
- Raj’s joy for coloring and friendship as emotional hacks. [25:25, 29:49]
- Honest anecdotes about labeling, boundaries, and learning through therapy punctuate the conversation.
Key Strategies and Takeaways (as summarized in the episode’s “Better in 5”)
[50:40–51:19]
- Emotions help us understand and interact with the world.
- Avoid negative stimuli, when possible, before emotions spiral.
- Learn to tolerate and grow from discomfort.
- Stories we tell ourselves (our internal narrative) are crucial to regulation.
- There are infinite hacks—build your “hack pack” and use what works for you.
Timestamps for Major Segments
- 03:24: Are you managing your emotions wrong?
- 05:16: What are emotions? How do they work?
- 07:07: Why small hacks beat big changes; agency in emotional life
- 09:14: Caveats: Mental health and privilege
- 11:08: What is an emotional hack pack?
- 12:24: Mantras and self-talk science
- 16:07: Stimulus hacks: choosing what you engage with
- 18:22: Mantra: "A little guilt or a lot of anger"
- 20:06: The value and limits of avoidance
- 25:25: Healthy distractions
- 29:49: The healing power of pets
- 30:13: Mood hacks: self-care foundations
- 31:46: Exercise: how, when, why it works (or doesn’t)
- 35:09: Managing stress & the power of reframing
- 36:29: Interpretation hacks: catastrophizing, labeling
- 38:01: Personal story: Noah and the ConEd call
- 40:32: Challenging core beliefs
- 45:12: Community and emotional regulation
- 47:26: #1 emotional hack: there’s always a tool to try
- 50:35: "Better in 5" takeaway summary
- 51:19: Hosts reflect and wrap
Final Thought
This episode affirms that emotional regulation isn’t about perfection, but about having a diverse toolkit, understanding our patterns, and meeting ourselves (and others) with creativity and compassion. Dr. Martin’s science-backed empathy makes the advice approachable for all, regardless of where you are on your journey.
“There are near infinite places that you can intervene anytime you're feeling something... and that is really empowering.”
— Ryan Martin [47:46]
Recommended Resource:
Dr. Ryan Martin’s book, Emotional Hacks — for 50 practical tools to build your own hack pack.
For more, listen to "Am I Doing It Wrong?" on your podcast platform of choice!