Trump Is Applying His Make Up Wrong Ft. Suzanne Lambert

Summary

American Fever Dream – Episode Summary: "Trump Is Applying His Make Up Wrong Ft. Suzanne Lambert"

Release Date: March 20, 2025

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Introduction In this lively episode of American Fever Dream, hosts V. Speer and Sammy Sage welcome comedian and internet personality Suzanne Lambert to discuss a range of topics from political absurdities to pop culture nuances. The conversation delves into the intricacies of modern political discourse, the role of humor in activism, and the importance of community building amidst a chaotic environment.

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Segment 1: Suzanne Lambert’s Rise and Comedy Career [00:35 - 06:00]

Suzanne Lambert introduces herself as a comedian from Kennesaw, Georgia, now based in D.C. She shares her journey from a corporate career in financial services to making a living through comedy. Sammy Sage praises Suzanne's ability to inject humor into political commentary, emphasizing the distinction between being mean for a cause versus being a bully.

Suzanne Lambert [01:17]: "You not liking it doesn't mean it's inherently wrong, though."

The hosts discuss the impact of Suzanne’s comedic approach, particularly her light-hearted jab at Republican makeup habits, which garners both appreciation and criticism.

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Segment 2: The Power of Lifestyle in Political Engagement [02:02 - 04:17]

Sammy Sage highlights how Republicans have successfully integrated cultural elements like sports into their messaging platforms, reaching wider audiences. Suzanne ponders the importance of incorporating lifestyle into liberal values without overtly politicizing every aspect.

Suzanne Lambert [02:37]: "We don't need liberals talking about politics in a cool way. We need cool liberals talking about politics."

V. Speer adds that Suzanne's nostalgic and snarky humor helps bridge gaps by making political discussions more relatable and less despairing.

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Segment 3: Navigating Personal Trauma and Growth Through Comedy [05:01 - 07:12]

Suzanne opens up about her personal trauma, including her parents' dramatic divorce and the cultural shift she experienced moving from Virginia to Georgia. This background fuels her comedic perspective, allowing her to channel personal experiences into relatable humor.

Suzanne Lambert [05:30]: "I feel like that kind of was the trauma."

Her transition from a corporate environment to full-time comedy is lauded as a courageous move that brings a fresh voice to the political comedy landscape.

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Segment 4: Addressing the Culture Wars Through Humor [20:04 - 35:18]

The trio engages in a segment focused on the ongoing culture wars, brainstorming ways the Democratic side can craft more effective and humorous arguments. They tackle topics such as Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) and trans rights, using satire to highlight perceived absurdities.

Suzanne Lambert [21:13]: "Why are trans people such a big deal? Why are we getting so be in our bonnet over this?"

They propose creative solutions like integrating humor into serious political discourse and suggest that making politics "cool" can attract a broader audience. Sammy Sage emphasizes the need for liberal values to permeate lifestyle topics to engage citizens effectively.

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Segment 5: Media Consumption and Democratizing Political Engagement [12:10 - 39:11]

Discussion shifts to media consumption habits, contrasting traditional television audiences with the vast potential of social media platforms. Sammy Sage expresses frustration with cable news viewership metrics, arguing that digital platforms offer more engaged and scalable opportunities for political messaging.

Sammy Sage [38:22]: "I had 97.8 unique visitors to under the desk News... 300 million views all for the year."

V. Speer underscores the disparity between traditional media reach and the creator economy, advocating for a shift towards digital content creation to maximize impact and engagement.

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Segment 6: Gender Dynamics in Business and Media [32:08 - 35:18]

The conversation turns to gender dynamics, particularly how men and women are perceived differently in business and media. They critique the double standards that allow men to accumulate wealth and power while scrutinizing women who do the same.

Suzanne Lambert [33:18]: "People love when men have money... like, Dave Portnoy can, like, go on and talk about how he's winning millions in bets and, like, and he should be able to do that. I don't care. Like, right. Let rich people be rich people. I love hearing from rich people. God forbid a woman does it."

They explore the concept of the "glass cliff," where women are placed in leadership roles during times of crisis only to be set up for failure. Sammy Sage reflects on Suzanne’s leadership at MSNBC, suggesting her competence could defy these predetermined narratives.

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Segment 7: Religion and Community Building [43:07 - 48:24]

In a lighter turn, the hosts discuss religious backgrounds, particularly Catholicism, and its influence on community dynamics. They compare Catholic and Jewish cultural traits, emphasizing shared values like order and ceremonial traditions.

Sammy Sage [47:40]: "If you blend your contour."

They joke about religious practices and explore how shared spiritual beliefs can foster strong community bonds, inadvertently bridging political divides.

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Conclusion: The Future of Political Humor and Community [48:35 - 49:23]

As the episode wraps up, the hosts express enthusiasm for future discussions on spirituality and its intersection with politics. They hint at exploring topics like past lives and the role of spirituality in modern activism, underscoring the podcast's commitment to blending humor with insightful political commentary.

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Notable Quotes:

• Sammy Sage [12:10]: "Talking to people will sometimes save our democracy or, I don't know, we'll save. Recover in some way."
• Suzanne Lambert [21:30]: "It's so weird. I avoid public bathrooms at all costs."
• V. Speer [22:48]: "The biggest issue is the bodily autonomy that trans people have is in direct opposition to what they know as gender roles."

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Key Takeaways:

1. Humor as a Tool for Political Engagement: Suzanne Lambert’s comedic approach serves as an effective means to discuss and dissect serious political issues without alienating audiences.

2. Community Building: Emphasizing the importance of fostering relationships within local communities can counteract political polarization and strengthen democratic values.

3. Media Strategy: Transitioning from traditional media to digital platforms offers a more engaged and expansive audience for political discourse and activism.

4. Gender and Power Dynamics: Addressing and challenging the double standards in business and media representation is crucial for achieving gender equality and dismantling systemic biases.

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Final Thoughts: This episode of American Fever Dream masterfully intertwines humor with critical political analysis, offering listeners both entertainment and thoughtful commentary. Suzanne Lambert’s insights, combined with the hosts' dynamic interaction, provide a refreshing take on navigating and influencing the current political landscape.

Transcript

[V. Speer]

Rise and shine, fever dreamers. Look alive, my friends. I'm V. Speer.

[Sammy Sage]

And I'm Sammy Sage.

[V. Speer]

And this is American Fever Dream, presented by Betches News, where we explore the.

[Sammy Sage]

Absurdities and oddities of our uniquely American experience.

[V. Speer]

Here we are.

[Sammy Sage]

Here we are in a different setting than usual with a different guest than usual.

[V. Speer]

We have three guests today.

[Sammy Sage]

Three guests.

[V. Speer]

All bitches.

[Sammy Sage]

All bitches. Only one with verbal abilities.

[V. Speer]

Yes. It's our favorite cunt from the Internet, Suzanne Lambert. Hi, Suzanne Lambert. Amber, everyone is obsessed with you right now. We're so lucky to have you today.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy to be here.

[V. Speer]

Who are you? Where did you come from?

[Suzanne Lambert]

I hail from Kennesaw, Georgia. I live in D.C. now, but I'm just. I'm a comedian. I'm just a gal who. Who talks a little. A lot of. And some people love it and some people hate it, and I've made a living out of it, which is very cool. That's my dream.

[Sammy Sage]

We personally love it and think that this is something that has been missing from not just like, the Democratic Party. I mean, I think it's like, Okay, I think what we have to differentiate is. Is mean for a cause versus mean because you are a bully and you have. You. You feel shitty about yourself.

[V. Speer]

Right?

[Sammy Sage]

Right. I think people have to realize that not all comment that's negative is bullying.

[Suzanne Lambert]

No. Right. And, like, I think it's totally valid for people not to like it and not to like me. Like, I'm like, you're allowed to have a negative opinion. That's totally fair.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Suzanne Lambert]

You not liking it doesn't mean it's inherently wrong, though.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. I also think that you tend to make fun. You know, you're. You're making fun of Republican makeup, which is a thing, I think.

[V. Speer]

I think those people are. You know, it's a punch up, even.

[Sammy Sage]

It's that. And also they can change their makeup.

[Suzanne Lambert]

It's a choice.

[Sammy Sage]

It's not an immutable trait.

[Suzanne Lambert]

You don't have to wear bright coral blush. You can go and get one that matches your undertones.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Some women have been like, this has been really helpful. Like, even, like, conservative women have been like, this was funny. Or like, this helped me change my look. Right. Like, you can learn a few things.

[Sammy Sage]

What I keep trying to push and I find much easier said than done, is that Republicans, like. And the right. Basically the way they got through with, like, Joe Rogan and all that, is that they reached into, like, cultural things, like sports interests that are not, like, Innately politics and the left does not do that.

[Suzanne Lambert]

So.

[Sammy Sage]

So it's like by bringing the makeup thing in, by making it about lifestyle, I think that like, more people have to be talking about lifestyle in a way that's just imbued with liberal values. And you don't have to like make everything about that first.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yes. It's like you copied and pasted my brain. What I, how I think of it is like, we don't need liberals talking about politics in a cool way. We need cool liberals talking about politics.

[V. Speer]

Yes, yes.

[Suzanne Lambert]

We just need cool people who talk about politics, amongst other things. Right.

[V. Speer]

Well, part of the way you do it is fun because it also has some nostalgia to it because when you are doing like your straight to camera stuff, I'm like, that's Tracy Flick. That's very like Reese Witherspoon in that movie Election. Right. Or sometimes you're giving like a little Sweet Home Alabama, but it's always that, like, snarky, smart. I don't have patience for you, but I will still take time to try and help you. Against my perhaps better judgment, I think.

[Suzanne Lambert]

People sound genuinely insane when they're like, two wrongs don't make a right. Like, this is mean, this is rude. I'm like, they just posted a deportation ASMR video.

[V. Speer]

Right.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And you're telling me that. Telling them to blend their contour, which is valid, good advice. That is not an appropriate response. Do you hear yourselves?

[Sammy Sage]

Like, also, it's just such like a dumb way of looking at the world. Like, there's way more than two wrongs in the world.

[V. Speer]

There are so many wrongs. And I support all of women's wrongs as right. The other thing I like about the way that you do it is these. You are targeting or you're reacting, really not even targeting, to a group of people who are very comfortable making fun of the way that other people look and live their life. So these are women who are constantly in trans people's business, constantly policing who looks feminine enough to be in a bathroom or whatever the case may be. And for them to have to feel a little bit of that burn is like, oh, if you refuse to exemplify empathy for anyone else, well, now I'm going to to make you feel it.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. Because I've been biting my tongue. And guess what? My trans friends are way nicer than me. They're not going to blend their contour. They blend their contour. They mind their business. So they're not going to say it, but I will. Like, I'm not like, look, we've. I've done a lot of work on myself since high school, but I can channel that when I need to, you.

[Sammy Sage]

Know, and they shouldn't have to take the heat because it's trans people who are actually going to be suffering most at first from these things.

[V. Speer]

2000S coming of age movie has the pretty popular girl who eventually sticks up for the marginalized people. And that's the lesson. How did you get funny?

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, my God.

[V. Speer]

What is your trauma? Share with us. Because you know that funniness comes from trauma.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm so happy you asked.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Sure. I'm one of six kids. I'm the fourth. So like you, you have to kind of like stand out for a seat at the table. Like liter.

[Sammy Sage]

Like literally chair. You know what I mean?

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, no, exactly. So I was always just like very into, like performing, like on the fireplace, like singing, you know, all kinds of things.

[V. Speer]

Of course.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And then I. My parents had like a very dramatic divorce and I feel like that kind of like was like the trauma.

[V. Speer]

And in Georgia, no less.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. I moved from Virginia to Georgia, which was like a huge cult, a huge culture shock. D.C. and Georgia are, I mean, totally different places essentially. They might, they might as well be on different planets. You just. I just kind of forged my way. So I. In college, my first taste of comedy was I. I ran our skit for Sorority Rush.

[Sammy Sage]

I did too. Yes. I was the star.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. But I was like, oh, making people laugh is fun. And then I just wanted to do it a lot. It is.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't. Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I like, it's intoxicating.

[V. Speer]

But then you're like, before I make people laugh, I'm going to be a finance girly.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh. Yeah. So, yeah. So I, up until a month ago was like full time corporate girly. Worked in financial services for like almost a decade. I was doing this, you know, talking shit online and that, like, and it was a lot. So now I just do this and it's great.

[Sammy Sage]

This is much more fun.

[V. Speer]

I watched a TikTok that said that you're. You're a fucking op. Oh, yeah. You're a.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yes, sorry. Yeah, no, totally.

[V. Speer]

She's getting paid by the Democrats to do messaging.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Should we clarify? The Democrats.

[Sammy Sage]

Should we back check?

[Suzanne Lambert]

Because the Democrats definitely very heavily invest in creators.

[V. Speer]

Yeah. That's one thing I know.

[Suzanne Lambert]

True.

[Sammy Sage]

I can tell you this is a real fact.

[V. Speer]

They do not.

[Sammy Sage]

There's no money.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, no, never. Never received a single nickel.

[V. Speer]

No. You know, turning point, if you were willing to Sell your.

[Sammy Sage]

You would have $5 million in your pocket right now. I think about this all the time. Like, damn.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. Literally, if you're on the right and you do anything remotely online and you're not mad famous, it's a skills.

[V. Speer]

You're the one who found out that Donald Trump uses color corrector all over.

[Sammy Sage]

His face that you would put normally.

[V. Speer]

Just under your eyes.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. So it neutralizes blue tones. So, like, if, like, your eyes are, like. Like, you know, really blue right there. Like, maybe you have a bruise, for example. Like, a makeup artist might put that there, but then you put stuff over it.

[Sammy Sage]

How did you learn all this?

[Suzanne Lambert]

Obsessive research. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

So you just like makeup. You're very good at your.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And I. I love. I love makeup. Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

Someone should sponsor you.

[Suzanne Lambert]

But, yeah, he uses color corrector all over his face, which, like, for people unfamiliar, that would be like wearing your socks on the outside of your shoes. Like, it's not ever meant to be seen. If it's seen, that's, like, the problem.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And he uses it everywhere. And he. He started using it on his hands. Did y'all see that? The other day?

[Sammy Sage]

Because he has a bruise.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Bruising.

[Sammy Sage]

What do you think that is? He had an iv. Could be he's very thin these days. Or not like, thin. He's not thin. He's definitely on Z. He's a hundred percent.

[V. Speer]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Go look at it. Go look at. Go look at anything. If you see him, like, eight years ago, four years ago even, or look at him yesterday at the Elon.

[V. Speer]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Trash.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I saw Trump. So when I attended the joint address last week, which feels like a year ago, I was, like, three feet away from him. He looks very tired and old in person. More so than I thought. I. His makeup looked better in person.

[Sammy Sage]

I thought he looked, like, good for himself at the joint address. Reluctantly.

[Suzanne Lambert]

His makeup looked.

[Sammy Sage]

I thought he looked better than usual.

[Suzanne Lambert]

He looks tired. He is, which is good.

[Sammy Sage]

He's also a very old man. Look, he could still, though, make it, like, another 10 years. His father lived to, like, 90 something, but he was, like, very senile. I don't know. We got it. Look, it's all in God's hands.

[V. Speer]

It'll happen someday.

[Suzanne Lambert]

God's plan's always perfect.

[V. Speer]

This is. This is what. Because folks are like, vee, how do we get through this? I can't handle it. You, a little bit, have to surrender and just decide that you will outlive this. You will outlive this. And so we just have to wait. It's Just a waiting game. You don't have to be active every second in the Resistance. Be active sometimes. And other times, just be like, I have made a choice that I will outlive this.

[Sammy Sage]

Pick your things and your moments we.

[V. Speer]

Should talk about because this is the vibe that we have for today's show. We were at this little event last night, and was it Gloria Steinem? I believe.

[Sammy Sage]

Was it Gloria Steinem, or was it. Or was it Betty for Dan?

[V. Speer]

Yes. Was it Diane von Furstenberg?

[Suzanne Lambert]

It's wild.

[V. Speer]

So Gloria Simon was like, you need to be friends with women in your community. You need to just start inviting over for coffee. She didn't say it like that, but that's what I heard.

[Sammy Sage]

And, oh, I was thinking, I want to turn this apartment into Gloria's new apartment. We could, right? This is the thing. And it come over. I love having people over.

[V. Speer]

My mom had a lot of friends that she hated, and they used to sit around on Thursdays.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Name and shame. Yes.

[V. Speer]

Patty, she never liked you. And Debbie. She never liked.

[Sammy Sage]

Are they alive?

[V. Speer]

I don't care. She's. My mother's safely moved away from our hometown in Florida. And Maureen loves to talk shit, but she used to fight these bitches over on Thursdays for what was called Coffee Club. And there was 12 of them. And they'd, like, make a quiche and, like, do whatever and listen to the police scanner. And she didn't like a lot of those bitches.

[Sammy Sage]

What's crazy, though, is that, like, she invited people over that she didn't like. I don't even invite people over that I do.

[V. Speer]

Like, we have to start inviting women and creating communities of women, even if we don't totally like them. Start with your friends and neighbors who lives next door to you. Be weird about it. Be like, I want to start having.

[Sammy Sage]

Them open for coffee and you guys should move here.

[Suzanne Lambert]

So. And this is. I don't know if I've even told you this, so your book, Democracy in Retrograde.

[Sammy Sage]

And.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And this is totally true that you co wrote with Emily. You talked about, like, a way to be active is by, like, talking to your neighbors, right?

[Sammy Sage]

Yes.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And, like, I've always talked with my neighbors. We're like, all very cool. Like, it's such, like, a great community. But, like, my neighbor had mentioned that she had to re home her cat. Something happened. So I was like, why don't I, like, volunteer to, like, take her cat to the event? Which I wouldn't have done had I not, like, read your.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Oh, my God. So happy.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Thought of it.

[Sammy Sage]

You would have thought about it for, like, that purpose.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And she. I knew she, like, kind of would need some company because her cat was being rehomed. And she mentioned that she could knit. And I was like, oh, like, I would love for you to teach me sometime. And she was like, yeah, let me know. And I was like, okay, how about Monday?

[Sammy Sage]

Like, you got to keep it going, right? You have to actually do it.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Stop saying, oh, we should pull up the phone.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Be weird about it. And if people don't want to, then they're weird. Like, if they don't want to hang out, they're weird.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, right. Or they just, like, don't, you know, or they're busy and now we know. Yeah, that's what I tell myself. It's actually not, though, you know, but.

[Suzanne Lambert]

So now every Monday, we have a knitting circle. Yeah, you have to be weird about it and just, like, talk to people.

[Sammy Sage]

I do think, like, the talking to people will sometimes save our democracy or, I don't know, we'll save. Recover in some way. Because it's like part of what I think is the issue is, and this isn't like, astoundingly new, but people are only talking to each other online and they see mean comments. Not like, you know, our. More like they see intolerance from. From people who they mostly would agree with often.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Or they see, like, extremely crazy shit from the people who they would never agree with. And that makes you think when more of your time is spent on that than it is having real conversations like this, you believe that's the world you like for days and days. That's just what your. Your brain is processing. And it becomes like, that is reality. It's only this or this. And people, because they feel lonely, like, want to jump in. They're not having enough, like, groundedness in their real lives. And that just makes everyone, like, deeply intolerant and angry. And they think that this is real. But, like, that's not real. What's real is, like, working through real things in person and disagreeing and, you know, and just kind of like maintaining contact and connection, even if you don't totally agree.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

And I just. Yeah, I think it's like the actual talking that is the.

[V. Speer]

Well, she is the work. She also said, after she said get together with women, she said there's a reason why solitary confinement is considered the worst punishment and also, like a war crime. In some cases, it's a civil rights violation to be. Yes, for too long. And that hit me too. I was like, you know what, There is a time to be alone. And maybe we've had a lot of that time and maybe the pendulum is swinging the other way where we could just be together and be like, you know what, come over for a while, hang out, do whatever. Like, let's chat.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I can't wait to hang out with my friends. I couldn't wait to come here this morning.

[V. Speer]

Same.

[Sammy Sage]

I was like, this is a good day. We get to like.

[V. Speer]

He was like, can you come over early?

[Suzanne Lambert]

I was like, yeah, last night. And I still, right, you know, chipper and ready to go with my extension still in my head.

[Sammy Sage]

If you are avoiding people for a reason that's not like singular to this moment or like, you know, sometimes you're tired, sometimes you're here. Yeah, exactly.

[V. Speer]

Like, yeah, avoidance.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Okay, yes.

[Sammy Sage]

That's a great term for it. It's like systemic avoidance of, of interaction. Because it's hard to look someone in the eye. It's hard to like, have a moment of like, what do I say next? You got in your head a little second and like, that's like normal parts of life. People just don't want to have to think about that, like, awkward moment. They're going to be with someone and it's like, oh, there might be a silence. It's like, okay, well then you just. That's people, like, lean into it. Yeah, but my suspicion is that people don't have like a strong enough sense of self to navigate these things. So it's like, if people don't internally kind of figure this out, then they're. We're not going to get anywhere.

[V. Speer]

I had some friendships that were from high school, but I was a different.

[Sammy Sage]

Person in high school, as we all are.

[V. Speer]

I grew up and out of it and some of the folks didn't grow up and out of it. And so in therapy, my therapist was like, when's the last time you felt on the same page as this person? And I was like, I don't know, probably like high school. How old are you now? And I was like 40 at the time. I was 40.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh my God.

[V. Speer]

And they were like, yeah. And 17 year olds aren't friends with 40 year olds. You grew up and they didn't. You can't possibly stay in that same vibe. The life that you lead is different. And where you think that you're like providing opportunity or carrying people or giving them all these cool new things, they feel like you're dragging them because they're happy with the life that they have. Even though it was Too small a life for you. You can't do that.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Any kind of stride or success that I had was, like, perceived as, like, a weird.

[Sammy Sage]

Tall poppy syndrome, is the phrase, I think. Tall poppy syndrome. Oh, yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Because the poppy explain it.

[Sammy Sage]

So, like, I think poppy flowers. This is like, the gen. The general idea is, like, poppy flowers, like, if one gets too tall, they'll sort of, like, pull it down with the roots or whatever. So I think it's like they want to keep themselves, like, more even. And I think that that's sort of psychologically what women can do to each other. Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And, like, I, you know, I had different, like, my views on. Everything start changing when you're in a mix of people who are so different than the people you grew up with. Like, everything starts changing, like, in a very rapid way, because instead of hearing about people in the third person.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

You're hearing from them. And that's, like, a very powerful.

[Sammy Sage]

It.

[Suzanne Lambert]

It changes everything, Right?

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And, like, I remember my first time I did comedy, and I, like, posted my set, and I was so proud of myself. And, like, I, like, alluded to, like, making fun of my married friends. It was so harmless. I mean, I didn't even cut, and they were so pissed. Like, they made my moment about them.

[Sammy Sage]

But I think what you're.

[V. Speer]

What you're speaking to island where your friends were.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[V. Speer]

It doesn't have to be a harm thing. It's just like, that was it. That was all the time we got. And I'm grateful for that time.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I am.

[V. Speer]

Time's up.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And I, like, laugh. I still, like, laugh fondly at, like, a lot of the memories. Like, and this is like.

[Sammy Sage]

And this is, I think, like, a thing that women do to each other is that, like, our choices or other women's choices or other people's choices kind of become a referendum on our own, but it's like, it doesn't really need to be. And I try to, like, think about this all the time. I think about it because, like, I'm not someone who. Who has kids. A lot of my friends have kids, and I'm, like, not sure how I feel about the whole thing. And, yeah, it's like. So I've had to, like, think to myself, like, they, like, I'm happy with my choice. What their choices are have nothing to do with me, and my choice has nothing to do with them. And it's like, that, I think, is something that people really struggle with once we get out of the. Like, you go to school, you go to college, you you know, you get a job, once you get out of that sort of, like, linear path, it becomes, like, much harder for people to just see their own choices in a vacuum.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. And, like, I. I never hated on their. Like, I'm like, choose the life you want. Why do you have such a problem with me doing that?

[Sammy Sage]

Also, like, why can't people make fun of themselves? Like, there's so much to make fun of.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I love being like.

[Sammy Sage]

I love being roasted.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. I had a roast.

[Sammy Sage]

I want to be roasted. Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I love when people talk to me. That's how I know you love me.

[Sammy Sage]

Same. And you see me how I learn. That's how I know you see me.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

And, like, are afraid. Same. Right. That's how I know you aren't afraid to, like, be honest. And it's like, trust you. Right. And also, it's like, that's a deeper relationship than one where you're just like.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, I have three.

[V. Speer]

There is a line because my wife had to tell me that I have friends that are mean to me, and I'm not. Well, that's hopeful. When we were first dating, Natalie was like, you know that that girl's mean to you. I was like, no, she's not. That's just how she is.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Point her out.

[V. Speer]

And she. I know. Yeah, like, she's mean to you, Like. And I was like, oh, but so.

[Sammy Sage]

Maybe she's mean because she's there.

[V. Speer]

There is this universal experience that I was listening to some other tiktoker say who was like, every woman by the time she's 30 has gone to a wedding, maybe been in the wedding, and after that wedding, never seen that girl again for the rest of their life. They never talk about it, but we all have a friend. We went to their wedding, and then we just never spoke to them again. Nothing happened. We were just like, well, that's it. We got to where we needed to.

[Suzanne Lambert]

We're done.

[V. Speer]

We're back.

[Sammy Sage]

I don't know if I've never spoken to people again, but I definitely have.

[V. Speer]

Had that experience because it's.

[Sammy Sage]

Honestly, it's like a parting point, I think, for.

[V. Speer]

Okay, you're his problem. Yeah, exactly.

[Suzanne Lambert]

But it's also, Brandon.

[V. Speer]

That also has.

[Sammy Sage]

To do with, like, the invitations. Like, that's like. Has to do with, like, the invitation culture. Like, who gets invited? Do you invite them? Because they were just, like, part of this group.

[V. Speer]

Well, I've been full in people's wedding, and that's wild.

[Sammy Sage]

That is really crazy.

[V. Speer]

When we get back, we're going to put Suzanne on the spot. It's. It's Comedy Hour. It's time for you to be the show pony.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, boy.

[V. Speer]

We've talked a lot and we're going to have her come up with counter arguments to the culture wars.

[Sammy Sage]

We're back. These microphones dead. So they're going to kind of share.

[V. Speer]

I'm going to be watching.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, gonna be watching and sharing. What we're doing for this segment is we're gonna talk about the culture war. And I'm just so sick of this. And you're funny and creative and I think that the Democrats need some help coming up with some better arguments for, like, what their points are.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

So we're gonna run through a couple of ideas, a couple of topics, and we're gonna bring, we're gonna workshop better answers.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm gonna give you my first example.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

When people talk about DEI, say, okay, so you 80 year old senator, think that if you had to get a real job in the real workforce, that you would not be discriminated against for your age and therefore would need DEI policies to get that job.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Right.

[Sammy Sage]

And it's not a problem you're familiar with.

[Suzanne Lambert]

It's also like, who, what job have you not gotten because of and who took it from you? Like, give me an example.

[Sammy Sage]

Name them.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Name them. Yeah, point them out.

[Sammy Sage]

Exactly. The next thing we're going to do it for is trans rights.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Why, why are trans people such a big deal? Why are we getting so be in our bonnet over this?

[Suzanne Lambert]

I always say, like, I'm like, they're trying to distract you from the fact that you're getting poorer and they're using trans people as a scapegoat.

[Sammy Sage]

I also think, and I've said this on the show many times, it's fundamentally creepy to talk this much on a national stage about children's genitals and.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, weird, dude.

[Sammy Sage]

It's so weird. And I think we need to bring back Tim Walls's lines about this because it's fucking creepy. Like, why is this a national problem? Deal with the parents, deal with their doctor, deal with their school.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And if you think, first of all, how much time are y'all spending in public bathrooms? Why do you talk about them so much? I avoid public bathrooms at all costs.

[V. Speer]

Correct.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Do y'all not go before you leave the house? Yeah, go. If you're in public bathrooms that often, go to a doctor. Yeah, you need. What's a stomach doctor? You're a bladder.

[Sammy Sage]

You have a bladderologist.

[Suzanne Lambert]

You need to get checked for Something if you're spending that much time in public bathrooms.

[Sammy Sage]

Also, why are you observing the people in the bathroom so intensely?

[V. Speer]

Don't need to dress as women to abuse women in bathrooms. They just do it anyway.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[V. Speer]

The biggest issue is the bodily autonomy that trans people have is in direct opposition to what they know as gender roles. And then they get, like. I think they get a little jealous. I think they're like, they want attention. They want attention, but they also don't want anyone else to. They think that trans people feel special. And it's like, we don't feel special. We just.

[Sammy Sage]

Especially not when you're so mean.

[V. Speer]

Yeah, you're. We just leave us alone. Like, feel special somewhere else. But they cannot see trans people's bodily autonomy and square that with their, like, rigid idea of success, which is like performing a gender role.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And they're like, I don't understand trans people.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm like, no one asked.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I don't understand aerospace engineering.

[V. Speer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I'm not, like, flagging down rocket ships to tell them they can't launch until I learn to understand it.

[V. Speer]

Until I check their genitals.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I don't. Like, if someone tells me that they want to be referred to as a certain way or they feel like I believe them.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Who care?

[Sammy Sage]

Like, okay, what about Doge? What's your. What's your take on Doge?

[Suzanne Lambert]

Well, anyone who has the time to film herself making Francesca's Bogo clearance outfit of the day videos to her five followers should not be telling the government how to be more efficient.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. Have you ever seen, like, a federal worker do this? Like, sorry, have you ever seen a federal worker do a get ready with me before this administration? Because I sure haven't.

[Suzanne Lambert]

No. And it's so. Like, I. So I live, you know, in D.C. and when I was on, when I would look at my Rent the Runway app, it would be, like, popular in your area. The most tragic. Like, it was, like, it was insulting, but, like, they didn't realize it was insulting. Like, these, like, terrible sheath dresses. Like, the fashion is so bad, and I would love to see, like, a cute political girly on the Hill, like, show her cute outfits. We should do that. But they don't. They don't know how. So it was just, like, the most tragic thing I've ever seen.

[Sammy Sage]

You could be like the Cher Horowitz to these poor, sad souls. Let's do a makeover.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I'll help them. Like, I've. I'm like, I'll help Republicans. People are like, don't Help them. I'm like, no, I don't want the people in power to look the way that they do. Like, that's embarrassing for all of us.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. And also, like, you could stealthily change their minds by the. Like, it's like, you don't have to be like this.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And that's happened. Like, I have. I was telling V last night, like, a lot of conservative women follow me.

[Sammy Sage]

That's the way in. I'm telling you through something that is not, like, innately political.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Half of my followers are from Georgia and Florida.

[Sammy Sage]

Look at that.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, it's the South.

[Suzanne Lambert]

People in the South.

[Sammy Sage]

But Florida does its own thing.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Republicans like talking. That's what people misunderstand. I'm like, no, no, they. They like a mean joke.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes, they do.

[Suzanne Lambert]

They.

[Sammy Sage]

They love it. They literally, like, they think it's hilarious.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Our sense of humor, like, my.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, they didn't used to. But now they do agree they didn't used to, like, 10 years ago.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Are more conservative crowds. Like, when I perform, there are way more fun audience. Like, I'll.

[Sammy Sage]

I will say, you know what? I hate to admit stuff. Donald Trump is funny. Like, wow, Everything's computer. Look. The man. The man would have been so much happier if he had been like. Like, that's insane. Yes, it's funny. I'm sorry. It's funny. I laugh. I laugh out loud.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Say something of the joint address. That actually did make me laugh.

[Sammy Sage]

Pocahontas. No, you like that one? Oh, God.

[Suzanne Lambert]

What was it? That.

[Sammy Sage]

Canada, Mexico. Ever heard of it? He says LGBTQI Plus. I'm like, he got the plus in there.

[Suzanne Lambert]

He missed the A, but he got the plus.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, look, he's. Look, it's funny. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The reason you know it's funny is because it doesn't work when any of the rest of them do it because they're not funny.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And we talked about this. You were like. You were like, republicans just need, like, a reality TV room.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. A reality TV Congress. Yes, yes, yes. Like, alternative Congress, where they think they're doing Congress, but it's a reality. You know, it's like Big Brother.

[Suzanne Lambert]

The ratings would crush.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. It's like, watch it. Reality TV Span. That's what we're calling it.

[V. Speer]

And get.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Get out of Congress and just do that. Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

And then the old ones go to the retirement. Congressional retirement community, and it's the whole thing.

[Suzanne Lambert]

God willing.

[Sammy Sage]

Here's what I think is the problem with doge. They've actually proven that the government's Kind of more efficient than I think most people thought because they went on their wall of receipts and, like, the three biggest things are, like, not even accurate. The three biggest waste examples they found. It's like one they claimed was 8 billion. It was actually only 8 million. Everyone they fire, oops, an extra zero. It's also like, everyone they fire is, like, a very critical role. Like the Ebola doctors and, like, the people who, like, literally just invent everything that. Sorry, this sounds really stupid. It's like, I'm trying. I'm like, I'm trying to.

[V. Speer]

I can't. Of a single. Anything the government does. Yeah, they admitted, like, we're back in South Carolina with Miss South Carolina pageant girl. Like.

[Sammy Sage]

By the way, where is she? She should cut on this podcast, you know, I can't, like, I'm like, I can't think about a single other thing. But they. No, really, like, they administer the entire government. They send out your Social Security. They administer all these grants. They manage the government contractors who actually are the ones who carry out government services in many cases. And what they have, they have not found, like, a ton of fraud and waste. Like, the things that they listed for, like, sex changes and, like, Mozambique or whatever. Like, I think a lot of these.

[V. Speer]

Things were, like, transing the mice they have to.

[Sammy Sage]

Transgenic mice, cancer patients.

[V. Speer]

Then they should trans the mice.

[Sammy Sage]

Right, right, right. So they. If you listen to imaginary things, do you believe that this is an efficient use of the government? And then they're firing people. But they have to. Even the buyouts, quote unquote, that they're offering are stupid because they're basically telling people, like, don't work, but we'll pay you. Maybe they won't, but either way, none of this saves that much money.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And what I think is so insulting. Like, these men own businesses, right? Like, you know some more.

[Sammy Sage]

Well, why do they have such successful businesses? That's what I think the question is now that we can look back and it's like, how were you so successful? Because people and investors just gave you money because they thought that you were, like, their present, your cousin's friend from Harvard, and that you have, like, a legit resume and you sound confident like a man. So they gave you money, and that's why your businesses are successful. If I got millions of dollars in federal grants from the. From the federal government, I could also run a much more profitable business, I think.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Well, right. And, like, having worked in change management for a long time in my previous life, the way that they are doing, like, let's talk about the fact that the government is inefficient. If you want me to talk to you about how, like, contracts are awarded and how, like, corrupt all of it is happy to talk about that. Like, yeah, let's do that. But like business, you would never just eliminate entire departments. You come up with a plan. You come up with a secession plan. You come up with, like, you do an analysis, what they're doing, numbers. You don't just eliminate entire departments. A business would never operate that way. And they know that. So why are you, why are you treating the government, why aren't you treating the government like a business if you're such a good businessman, you know that this doesn't work well, I mean, okay.

[Sammy Sage]

This is, I think, a good, a good argument that we should be making. The government shouldn't be run like a business because it is the entity that enables all of the businesses in America to, to be valid. That's the only reason that you can start a business in America is because the business is backed by the conceptual faith that people have in the federal government that this won't just totally collapse.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Exactly. And the reason I said, just to clarify, because everyone's like, well, he's such a good business.

[Sammy Sage]

He's actually.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And they use that as well. We know that.

[Sammy Sage]

Right.

[Suzanne Lambert]

But I mean, they are rich. So people think rich.

[Sammy Sage]

They're rich because it's on paper. It's not. No, it's not even that it's on paper. Tesla would collapse if the, if the stock price weren't trading at a ridiculous multiple of its price. It doesn't make any sense. His own stock price doesn't make any sense?

[Suzanne Lambert]

No.

[Sammy Sage]

The sale, it doesn't track. This is all because he's Elon Musk friends with Donald Trump.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, but the reason I said, like, run it like a business then, is because they always use that. Like, conservatives always say, he's such a good businessman. I'm like, okay, well, if that's true, which we know it's not, why isn't he, like, why isn't he using those principles of business then? Because this isn't how anything works.

[Sammy Sage]

And also, like, the fact that they peddle these ideas that these are good businessmen. Like, no, they're not. Donald Trump's business is like a tiny little business. Before, like, the Trump Organization was like a little family business. It's not like it was a little.

[V. Speer]

Family business until Bayrock bought two floors on Trump Tower. Bayrock, the Russian real estate organization, and boosted him, floated him through the 90s there was Moscow where they were trying to make like a Las Vegas Moscow. Donald Trump Jr. Has said that the Russians are an outsized portion of their assets. The Russians have been putting money into the Trump family since 1987. And that's when they first told him he should run for president. This was, this goes back to Putin and the kgb. And this is the problem with having such a geriatric government is the fact that the shit that they were doing when they were yuppie boomers in the 80s and on a bunch of blow and in the best economy ever. They now want to keep that going for themselves now. But they ruined it. But he's had Russian money forever.

[Sammy Sage]

You know, if I were that age in the 80s, I think I would remember the Cold War well enough to figure out what's going on. But I don't know. I genuinely think some of these people are just stupid. Because if you believe that Donald Trump is an example of a good businessman in, in the sense that most people would understand it, you are on something.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Can I say. So when I was looking at hotels to come here, I was like, you know, like on the Amex travel platform and there's like the Fine Hotels and Resorts program. Yes, the Trump Hotel is on there. The cheapest hotel in the Fine Hotels and Resorts program of dollars. I was crying, laughing. I'm like, oh, that's humiliating. And they offered like the best incentive to stay there too, in terms of like property credit. Cuz no one wants to. It was over $100. Like most places. Like they like 100. It was like, it was like 100 plus, like other things.

[V. Speer]

Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

And they'd upgrade you to like, you.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Know, it was like cheaper by a mile. I was like, oh, so embarrassing. I screenshotted it. It was like $400 cheaper.

[Sammy Sage]

That doesn't surprise me at all. It's. They're not like nice hotels. Like there's nothing. He's look, unfortunately business property.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Well, it's not the wall anymore.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

But like, unfortunately the lobby is gorgeous also.

[Sammy Sage]

Like, that's a building that was. He didn't build that. No, you didn't build that. Wow.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Retro killed it.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, really. Like he is look, like just look, a woman could never do it.

[V. Speer]

You.

[Sammy Sage]

If a woman tries to do that, you're Elizabeth Holmes. Like, that says that is the scammest. That is the cl. The closest you could get to the scamming. And that's where you end up. If you're a woman scammer and people love and not that you should be.

[Suzanne Lambert]

People love when men have money. Like, Dave Portnoy can, like, go on and talk about how he's winning millions in bets and, like, and he should be able to do that. I don't care. Like, right. Let rich people be rich people. I love hearing from rich people. God forbid a woman does it.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, she's terrible.

[Suzanne Lambert]

So interesting how men are allowed to be wealthy, but women are not. And if you are, you're bad.

[Sammy Sage]

Yes. Yes. Oh, you're not giving enough money.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yes.

[V. Speer]

So, like. And they do, right? They don't talk about what. How she built a lot of Amazon and everything. They talk about how much charity she does.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. Well, raising Jeff Bezos was charity, too.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And even he, like, talks about how she was, like, really instrumental in starting Amazon. Like, he even has said that, you.

[Sammy Sage]

Know, women, I hate to be, like, generalizing, but, like, there's just, like, a savvier emotional intelligence. And there's a reason that when women run companies, they statistically perform better.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

It's just not enough. They don't want us.

[Suzanne Lambert]

No.

[V. Speer]

They want to glass cliff us sometimes, which is what I think is happening with. I've talked about it before. I think Rebecca Cutler and MSNBC and what's going on with the cuts and stuff over there. I think this is an example of a glass cliff. I'm not sure that a lot of folks. This is, like, a relatively newer term I learned at Harvard. It means that they basically will. Men who destroy things will then put a woman in charge to do all the firing, fix everything, and then they push her right off that glass cliff.

[Sammy Sage]

See, like, I think she could be an example of that, but I actually don't feel like she is. She gives me a sense that she's way more in control of this and, like, has a vision for what she wants to do. And everything I've heard about her is that she's, like, not that kind of person. Like, I think she's actually like. Like, I think she's doing some things that people are not happy with, but I don't think that, like, her. That she's gonna necessarily fail at it. Like, I don't get that impression.

[V. Speer]

You think if they sell to Comcast, they're not gonna put a man in at msnbc, Once they make it all.

[Sammy Sage]

Conservative, I think they're going to see how well she does and how much loyalty there is among the staff to her. And if she's the one who's making, like, who's going to be forming this new staff, then they'll keep her. And I think that she, she, like, she, she came up under Jeff Zucker. I think she's like, a bit more, I don't say ruthless and like a bad, like, I don't think she's, like, ruthless in a bad way because I think people will interpret me as me saying that as, like, whatever. I think she's like, from everything I've read about her, she's like a savvy person who, like, she isn't just doing this to do it. Like, I don't, I know people get that impression. Like, I feel like there's a, I see what she's trying to do. You know what I mean? I don't know. I think she'll stay as long as MSNBC is around and they don't try to, like, pull the, like, try to, I guess they can pull the license, but they try to marginalize them in some other way.

[Suzanne Lambert]

It's real weird over there right now.

[Sammy Sage]

I mean, okay, One thing I'm happy about is that they added Catherine Rampel to the weekend because I think she's really great and she's a rigorous reporter I really like. She knows what's going on, so I'm happy with that.

[V. Speer]

Well, I'm glad they have her because we're losing Katie Fang, who is the most rigorous weekend reporter. I watch the Katie Bang show on Saturdays before we go run errands or do whatever, because the rest of the weekend I kind of like, could, I need a break one, but I could also kind of do without. It's a little, it's intentionally, a little bit fluffier, but some of the stuff that they've got going on, I'm saying some of the rest of the programming can be a little like, okay, whatever, but I, I, I don't know, we'll, we'll do a whole episode on them.

[Sammy Sage]

Here's the thing. Like, I, everyone who's listened to this knows, like, I always wanted to be on tv. Like, I always wanted to be on MSNBC specifically. Specifically. And like, still would love to. Still happy to go on Call her, but call me. But I feel like the, when you look at the numbers, like, they don't get as many viewers as you can get on social media or, like, anywhere near what, like, even, like, Midas Touch is getting online the numbers. So if you're on cable tv, if MSNBC gets, like, call it a million views in primetime, like, across all their shows, like, it's not all, like, the same, but a million to 2 million, like Rachel Maddow will get like 2 million maybe like on a good, good night. CNN's getting like half that and Fox is getting like double or maybe even like one and a half time. Two and a half times what, what MSNBC is getting. But those numbers are still below 5 million. Like so. So if 5 million people are tuning in, you could get 5 million views on a TikTok. And you're. And you do. And you're. And like you're getting that. If, let's say you got that every few days, it's like that. I think you. Because TV so passive. There's comments and there's comments and TVs so passive. So it's like just because someone like had it on doesn't mean they're like engaged.

[V. Speer]

I would love to know what their unique viewers are because we just pulled my.

[Sammy Sage]

That is unique.

[V. Speer]

Okay, so my last year we just pulled it. I had 97.8 unique visitors to under the million million. 97.8 million unique visitors to under the desk News. And then I had like 300 million like views all for the year, for all the videos or whatever it is so astronomically above. And that doesn't count shares and that doesn't count. I'm like the fourth most recognizable name when people ask for a news anchor or whatever. Right. But that doesn't translate to the creator economy yet. And I wonder when this flip if and when it will happen between the way that people invest in television. Rachel Maddow is making $25 million a year. She's getting 2 million views per episode.

[Sammy Sage]

That was her.

[V. Speer]

And that was her cut salary. I'm going to tell you right now, under the news does not make $25 million a year. We do.

[Sammy Sage]

Okay, well, that's what I wonder. It's like, okay, if Rachel Mattow is getting 2 million views and she's a night, let's say every night. And she was even before this. She was on once a week. And I think that she's going to go back to once a week, $25 million. And you could literally create that number of views or viewers on something much shorter, much more salient, much more permanent. Because it's not like her show stays somewhere really. I mean, like a podcast. But it's not like findable, it's not discoverable, it's not going to go viral.

[Suzanne Lambert]

When I was on the news, I have to like ask my friend's mom to record me because I don't have cable.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, exactly. People who are young don't have cable. Like People who are like, I'm the only person I know who watches msnbc. Like, truly, I love it. I'm a huge watch. I'm a huge fan, but I'm the only person who watches it. So it's like, you are kind of.

[Suzanne Lambert]

A grandpa in that way.

[Sammy Sage]

I am. I am a grandpa. Oh, I am. No, I grew up with my grandparents, so I very much am, like, yeah, so I'm very much, like, socialized to the old. I love that.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

So it's like, I like that. But the thing is, they don't. Their average age is, like, 70.

[V. Speer]

No.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And to your point, like, when does that translate? And, like, when do you start, like, valuing the, like, creators? And like, Bruce just snored.

[V. Speer]

All right, moving on from msnbc. He's bored.

[Sammy Sage]

He's like, I can't even get Bruce.

[V. Speer]

To stay awake for it.

[Sammy Sage]

What is. What is 8, 7? 56. Okay, so he's 56 years old. He's younger than the median age of the MSNBC audience. And he's bored.

[Suzanne Lambert]

He's so bored.

[Sammy Sage]

He's like, I hate this channel. She has it on all the time.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Also, he just blinked. So, like, I know he's awake and he is faking it.

[V. Speer]

You need to get the pet psychic on him.

[Sammy Sage]

He's going to be like, they never turn off the news.

[V. Speer]

It's so stressful.

[Suzanne Lambert]

That's why he's stressed all the time.

[V. Speer]

Yes.

[Sammy Sage]

Put on Bravo.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Talk about politics.

[Sammy Sage]

Please, please. Okay, where did. We've been doing this for an hour. This is so fun. I know. We could do this for. Look, Joe Rogan goes three, you know, Right?

[V. Speer]

There you go all day.

[Sammy Sage]

The Joan Rogan Show. Yeah, we're the Joan Rogan Show.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Joan Rogan. Joan was my confirmation saint. I love that. Joan Rogan.

[V. Speer]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Joan Rogan.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Formerly last.

[V. Speer]

Are you. Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Are you okay?

[V. Speer]

Obviously. Listen, my name is Vitus, which is my confirmation name. Yeah. I love.

[Sammy Sage]

Wait, can I just. Can I just say I love that.

[Suzanne Lambert]

I always ask people who their confirmation statement was, and some people, like, don't remember.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm like, that wasn't a huge decision. It's like forgetting your parsha.

[V. Speer]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

Mine was Kadoshi. Yeah. It wasn't the most exciting story. It was a bunch of, like, laws. Like, it was not great for a 13 year old. But wait, speaking of the Catholic Jewish thing. Okay. The reason that we feel connected is because you're not just Christians, you're Catholics.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, yeah. And growing up in the south, they would go, are you Christian or Catholic? I'M like, babe, we invented the whole thing. Well, well, it's not.

[Sammy Sage]

They. But I didn't know it's different for a long time. But now I understand. They don't do any of the.

[Suzanne Lambert]

They don't do any of the pageantry. Oh, they don't do saints. Mind you, on St. Valentine's Day. Yeah, all of them are passing out Valentine. I'm like, oh, but, but I thought I was going to hell for worshiping false gods. I see you as a Catholic. No, in the south, if you're Catholic, like, you're going to hell.

[Sammy Sage]

What are they? Protestant?

[Suzanne Lambert]

They're also. They're non denominational Christian, AKA Southern Baptist.

[V. Speer]

Yes.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Southern Baptist, Evangelical.

[Sammy Sage]

What is a Methodist Alien.

[V. Speer]

Ish.

[Sammy Sage]

Episcopalian.

[V. Speer]

Then there's Lutheran. There's a whole lot.

[Suzanne Lambert]

They're all like, they're all kind of.

[V. Speer]

They don't like the Catholics because we have the Vatican. And they're like, oh, you can't be American if you. Because you'll answer to the Pope.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. That's why they didn't want JFK to be president.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And we played and we pray to saint saints, which they say is worshiping false gods. But then on St. Patrick's Day, they're all wearing.

[Sammy Sage]

What about the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost?

[V. Speer]

What makes you think Jesus has time for your every single day? These people are like, I talked to Jesus, he outsourced me. God speak to me.

[Sammy Sage]

I thought Catholics.

[V. Speer]

No, you got to go through a line of succession. Start with your patron. You start with your priests. Then you can go to your patron saint. Yeah, Then you can go to like, if you're a woman, you could go to like Catherine or Bridget.

[Suzanne Lambert]

There's a line of reporting.

[V. Speer]

You go to Martin, go to Jesus's mother. You could just pray to Mary. You don't go straight to Jesus. He's busy. He is busy.

[Sammy Sage]

But if he's like everything, then he can.

[V. Speer]

You don't bother.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And we love Mary also.

[V. Speer]

Who the is the Holy Ghost? Okay, I've never talked to him, but he's in the thing. He's in the line.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, he's like the spirit. Whatever. He's like, he's there for the vibe.

[Sammy Sage]

Can we talk about this also because this, it does tie into immigration because part of the reason I think Catholics were sort of like marginalized in the early 1900s is because Irish and Italian immigrants.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

So it's like, I think there is a Catholic Jewish vibe because it's like we were kind of the next something.

[Suzanne Lambert]

That Jews and Catholics Both agree on. We love some rules.

[V. Speer]

Love a rule and rules.

[Suzanne Lambert]

We love order. Yeah.

[V. Speer]

Gold necklaces.

[Sammy Sage]

Very, very clannish.

[Suzanne Lambert]

People. People ceremonies.

[Sammy Sage]

Clanish people.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Garb. Like, you know, I would walk into, you know, my friends, like, evangelical churches growing up. No goblets.

[V. Speer]

Okay.

[Sammy Sage]

What are they doing? No mega churches.

[V. Speer]

The first time I lived in Tennessee for a minute and I went to church with one of my friends in Tennessee, and there they had Bibles in the thing.

[Sammy Sage]

And I was like, oh, you don't do Bibles.

[Suzanne Lambert]

No.

[V. Speer]

The Catholics tell you what it says.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

The priest.

[V. Speer]

But I have for you. I have had Baptist friends come to Catholic churches and they're like, where are the Bibles? And I'm like, what are you talking about, honey?

[Suzanne Lambert]

We. We have someone to do that.

[V. Speer]

There's gonna be a miss this day. Is going to get up there and read to us. There's a. There's a litter.

[Sammy Sage]

You get read it. You get read to.

[V. Speer]

Yes.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah. We're not there to work.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, we are there to work.

[V. Speer]

And kneel, sit, stand, kneel. And then somebody read you that.

[Sammy Sage]

And we have to read and make some wine.

[Suzanne Lambert]

You have some bread.

[V. Speer]

You get your little cracker. It's very nice.

[Suzanne Lambert]

You pretend to pray.

[V. Speer]

Yeah. You get yelled at.

[Sammy Sage]

How do you know what you're praying for?

[V. Speer]

Tell you. You chant together. You.

[Sammy Sage]

How do you know what you're saying? Your brain.

[V. Speer]

We say outside. Outside of ourselves.

[Sammy Sage]

How long.

[Suzanne Lambert]

And when they did change a decade ago, people lost their minds.

[V. Speer]

Remember? Yes. And when you're with you shaky hands.

[Sammy Sage]

That's it. Yeah.

[V. Speer]

I never shook hands. I waved. I didn't like that.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Wait, really? This is so niche in the prayer, where they're like, it is right to give him thanks and praise. And then you respond, it is right. And just that always felt like subtle shade to me. We're like, it's right. And just like, it's all very possible.

[V. Speer]

We're coming up on Easter, which, you know, has a lot of problems.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah. And it was been a year since that here, since the Stations of the Cross.

[V. Speer]

And I'm just telling. Growing up Catholic, it's a whole thing, man. And I'm grateful for it. Not necessarily for the education or the religious side, but for the pop culture of it all. And now Gwen Stefani is going to shepherd us back into our Catholic time.

[Sammy Sage]

I'm excited for that.

[V. Speer]

Madonna's Like a Prayer video has pop.

[Sammy Sage]

Culture, and they loved that, famously.

[V. Speer]

Yeah.

[Sammy Sage]

They were like, yeah, she should keep doing that.

[V. Speer]

Madonna, no less. Yeah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

So, like, if you went to Catholic school there. There's a class called Apologetics, which is essentially, here's what people say about Catholicism. Like, here's why they don't like it. Here's our response. That's like, boiled down, that's what it is. I've always said that's what Fox News does. Yeah, Fox News. Like, they give you the problem and then they give them an answer and there's no nuance. And so people, like, are ready with their talking points. Like, we just need to do apologetics.

[Sammy Sage]

Jews do that. They just don't call it anything. It's just the way you speak all the time.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, love that.

[Sammy Sage]

Yeah, it's just, just that's always arguing, but that this all makes sense. This is why, like, I. I realize now, like, many of my non Jewish friends are Catholics specifically.

[Suzanne Lambert]

We abide by the same vibes. There's a certain vibe where when you're Catholic or Jewish, that I think we just attract each other.

[Sammy Sage]

Right. I don't know. Many wasps.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Yeah, they're. They're kind of unknowable.

[Sammy Sage]

Can I tell you my, like, fundamental theory on religion is that like, if there is a heaven and hell or whatever, any sort of anything, any sort of judgment, it is judged based on. On one thing which all religions share.

[V. Speer]

Which is if you blend your contour.

[Sammy Sage]

Do unto others as others would do unto you. If you think about every or. Or don't do unto others as you would not want done unto you. Every religion has that as its, like, sort of core message. And I think that only God can know whether you lived your life like that or mostly or whatever. And I think that that's really all it comes down to. And all this that they made up to is such a male way to try to control whether they're going to get in or not. And it's like, just like have your. Have your little intuition, have your spirituality figure your out and don't be an and, you know, wait and see.

[V. Speer]

I mean, I believe in Ghost Church because Rochester. So we have spirituality up there. Dude, y'all gotta come to Ghost Church with me one time.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, is this a real.

[V. Speer]

It's a real thing.

[Suzanne Lambert]

It's called Ghost Church.

[V. Speer]

Well, that's what Jamie Loftus called it when she did her investigative reporting on spiritualism, but it was based in Rochester as a lot of the American religions, like Mormonism is based in Rochester. And then they moved to Utah.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[V. Speer]

Yes.

[Sammy Sage]

Oh, yeah. He discovered the things in Rochester.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Oh, I gotta go there.

[V. Speer]

Oh, it's you come on up.

[Suzanne Lambert]

Go.

[Sammy Sage]

For other reasons.

[V. Speer]

I'm your Republican friend with a boat, but not Republican. You know what I mean? But it's, like, exactly the same. Yes, that's what I was. Yeah, but they. So spiritualism is, like, you believe that your energy, like, goes on forever. And, like, you totally believe in ghosts and reincarnation and that you sort of like, you know, all that kind of stuff. I believe in past lives. We will talk about that on our next episode. Yay.

[Sammy Sage]

Betches.