← American Fever Dream
American Fever Dream
WHCD Cancels Amber Ruffin, Trump Wants Greenland, And Snuffleupagus Joins OnlyFans
00:51:12
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- [00:00]
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- [01:18]
V. Spear
Rise and shine, fever dreamers. Look alive, my friends. I'm V. Spear.
- [01:22]
Sammy Sage
And I'm Sammy Sage.
- [01:23]
V. Spear
And this is American Fever Dream, presented by Batches News, where we explore the.
- [01:27]
Sammy Sage
Absurdities and oddities of our uniquely American experience. Experience. And today we are joined by our friend and host of the MSNBC show, Way Too Early, Ali Vitale.
- [01:38]
V. Spear
Hi.
- [01:38]
Ali Vitale
Staying up late?
- [01:41]
Sammy Sage
I'm late. It's noon.
- [01:43]
V. Spear
Yeah, I know. Do you usually, like, crash out after? Are you like, okay, I'm going to bed at noon.
- [01:47]
Ali Vitale
I may or may not have napped today, so I have ample energy for you guys.
- [01:52]
Sammy Sage
Wow. Because some days you're on after.
- [01:55]
V. Spear
Yeah, it's a tough shift. It's a tough shift. But you do well.
- [01:58]
Sammy Sage
What is your tv? What is your sleep schedule for the audience?
- [02:01]
Ali Vitale
Oh, my God. Sleep schedule. I go to bed at 7:30. I wake up at 3. I do the show. I get into the office at 4. I do the show 5 to 6, hang around for Morning Joe after stay around, do some other work, I usually leave the office by like 11ish. And then sometimes I go to the Hill, sometimes I do source meetings and then back home I try to be in bed by 7, 7:30 again because I'm a toddler.
- [02:24]
V. Spear
I gotta say that's kind of my dream though. 7:30 bedtime. I'm signed up for that.
- [02:29]
Ali Vitale
The 3am Wake up call though, like kind of takes all the magic away from that.
- [02:34]
Sammy Sage
Do you think it's going to be weird when you're going to sleep when it's light out? Like we're only a few days away from that.
- [02:40]
Ali Vitale
Yeah, I have every sleep like accessory that you can have. I have a sleep crown which is excellent. I have to tell you, I have various eye masks depending on how my eyes are feeling. Are they puffy, dry? What? It's pollen season. Right. We are like heavy into sleep accessory culture in this household.
- [03:01]
Sammy Sage
By the way, this is our first episode that's going to be on YouTube and Spotify in full video. So if people are more visual learners and want to listen to, and want to watch this and listen at the same time instead of just listen, you can do that. You can see what we look like. Maybe you don't even know what we look like. This is what we look like. Hello, this is Allie. Thank you for being part of our.
- [03:23]
Ali Vitale
Absolutely.
- [03:24]
Sammy Sage
Yes. Of our first YouTube Spotify video episode. True dream. Let's get into it. Yeah, we have some, we have lots of news as we tend to. Ali, you come from trad media but I think we tend to, you know, get into some of our complaints with trad media on here. So just, you know, we, we have empathy and sympathy for the plight you might be going through. And don't worry, we can cut out anything that might be unappealing to your.
- [03:51]
Ali Vitale
Employer because I. Pros and cons to every form of media these days. Right.
- [03:55]
V. Spear
Yeah.
- [03:55]
Sammy Sage
I would like to be invited back on the channel. So we're always. Thank you. We. Until, you know, until the channel. Who knows what happens. Ms. Msdnc but the White House Correspondents association announced that they are canceling the standard stand up set which was going to be by Amber Ruffin this year. The dinner's basically a month away. Ish and Ali, you were part of the White House Correspondents association when you covered the White House. Do you have any insight into how things go down with this organization? How do they plan this dinner? What do you think probably went into this decision? Maybe other than the obvious things that people are thinking which is caving to the Trump administration out of concern for what she might say.
- [04:40]
Ali Vitale
So, look, nothing happens in a vacuum, right? So the decision is obviously going to be metabolized. And V, I know that you have a lot of thoughts on this, but the one thing I would offer as someone who was a member for a very short time, but also has been in Washington for the entirety of the Trump era. So from 2017 through now, um, there has always been an appetite to not have a comedian. And even during the first one of the first years of the Trump administration, there was a historian instead of a comedian. I think we had Ron Chernow, who actually had some funny jokes that were historically based. But this is part of a long conversation that's been had in Washington about, you know, at a time when everything is so heightened politically and understandably, and in many cases, rightly so, does it help reporters who are already, already trying to rebuild credibility with an audience, trying to be fair, try to call balls and strikes, does it help to have a comedian there who's ribbing the President of the United States and certainly, you know, again, with nothing happening in a vacuum. Amber Ruffin's making those comments on a podcast about the Trump administration. I think it all lends to the larger landscape that we're operating in, which is journalists, at the end of the day, need to just do the journalism. They need to just cover the news. And, yeah, this decision might be open to criticism, but it's not changing the way that me, we others in the media who are here in Washington every day are covering this administration. But certainly I know that it's a controversial topic.
- [06:14]
V. Spear
I hated it. I was very vocal about hating it. So here, here's my kind of, like, vibes on it. I was very defensive of the White House Correspondents association when they were. When Caroline Levitt said, hey, we're going to add, like, a new media seat. And that seat would not be overseen by whca, but rather by the press secretary. It would be a propaganda seat. It's somebody that she would bite in, that was friendly, that was supposed to, like, take their place. And then when they lost access to who controls the briefing room, because, again, the Trump administration is attacking the media at every possible angle, I was like, okay. And then it was like, well, who's in charge, right? Because somebody has to sort of, like, hold the buck has to end somewhere. And if we're going to say that it's Eugene Daniels because he's the President of whca, then at the same time, he's like starting a new gig on msnbc. It was like, are you holding too many swords right now? Like, why is. Can you do both if these things are failing in different areas? And then to say, okay, we're gonna drop Amber Ruffin because of comments that she made about the Trump administration, which does change the tradition of how the thing has played out. And the fact that the Trump administration doesn't even attend this event, I think is capitulation, as certainly as we're seeing, like, law offices and all kinds of people try to, like, make Trump feel special and go easy on him and whatnot. I also think there's an absurdity to the event. I've been to it for the last four years, and I was the caterer for it for, like, 15 years before that. So I've seen it in all its different forms, and it is a fun night. But is it. If we're not going to, if we're going to be afraid of what Amber Ruffin says, then should we also be afraid of journalists showing up in ballgowns and tuxedos and walking a red carpet and going to fancy parties at the Swiss Embassy? I think if we're going to approach it and say journalism and the industry is under attack, then what does that mean to show up and protect the First Amendment and show up, like, authentically in the world that we're in and not sort of try to, like, silence a black queer woman as sort of, like, what we've sacrificed and keep all the rest of it. And that's where I sort of got pissy about the dinner. And I said, I'm not going this year. Not that anybody cares. Not that literally anybody cares.
- [08:23]
Sammy Sage
Honestly, V, I'm just mostly annoyed on my own behalf because I don't really want to go if I don't have you as my plus one. So selfishly, Sammy's annoying.
- [08:33]
V. Spear
Guilty.
- [08:34]
Sammy Sage
I'm not gonna, I'm not going for.
- [08:36]
V. Spear
Any reasons I think that I know. And we had a great time every, every time we've gone. My problem is also, like, I, I, I'm such a part of my audience and the, and the host of under the Desk that, like, they don't want to go either. Right? Like, I don't know that the under the desk news audience and the folks on TikTok and we're watching people get snatched off the streets and their, their citizenship be questioned and trans people be trampled on and all this horrible stuff. I don't know that they want to see me in D.C. mixing it up. You know, and taking the day off from all the hard I. That's where I'm at with it. I know it's not popular, but.
- [09:18]
Dr. Naomi Bernstein
Hello oversharing listeners. It's Dr. Naomi Bernstein with some exciting news. Starting January 13th, our Oversharing Calm the Fuck down subscription is getting even better. Subscribers will get oversharing episodes a day early, plus additional exclusive bonus content on the 2nd and 4th Thursdays of each month. Here's what's new. One bonus episode with even more emails and advice, and another where we follow up with past email writers who could be you. While we won't be releasing new meditations in the new year, don't worry, all of our past meditations will stay available on the feed for you to enjoy anytime. Plus, we'll have a new meditations playlist for our Spotify listeners. To sign up now, head to subscribe.basches.com and select Oversharing Calm the Fuck down. We're so excited about creating this new bonus content, talking to more of you, hearing your stories, sharing some of our own, and reminding us all to calm the fuck down.
- [10:19]
Ali Vitale
The thing I will say, and it's not about, popular or not, is that this dinner is actually about and, you know, this celebrating journalism, the First Amendment. I do think that there is a renewed focus on how important that amendment and that right to free expression is. And at the end of the day, this is about kids receiving scholarships because they want careers in journalism, which is a good thing. And I think that is the thing that I come back to every year, that I go and put myself in a ball gown and uncomfortable shoes, that I can sit in air conditioning for four hours. I recognize that, you know, the landscape that we are in is exactly as you describe it. But I think that this is a different circumstance than the conversations around the law firms who are, in their own ways, trying to navigate what it is to be in the crosshairs of the Trump administration. From a policy and litigation perspective, I think this is different. The way that I think about the role of the White House Correspondents association is that it's a reminder to people that White Houses in the past, however much they've tried to bend the journalistic traditions and, you know, block reporters and whatever, the WHCA has largely functioned as a bulwark against that. And it's a reminder, as so many things are during the Trump administration, that traditions are just traditions. They're not etched in stone somewhere. They're not cement. They're not mandatory. They're. They're essential from A functionality perspective. But when the White House decides that they want easier coverage, that they want to move seats around in the briefing room to make it easier for their press secretary, the White House Correspondent association is going to push back on that. But there's no rule or law that says that the WHCA is the be all and end all, and the White House has to deal with them. And so, once again, we're being reminded of how flimsy these systems actually are. And it comes back to the American public where we're going to inform you about all of this. You guys tell them about it, we tell them about it. Everyone is out there saying, this is what this administration is doing. And at the end of the day, Americans voted for a president that has always been critical of the media, has always been trying to find ways to be litigious with media that he doesn't like, who has slammed reporters that are just doing the work and have the receipts, proof, timelines, screenshots to back it up. And it's nothing new, but the American public is going to find a point, hopefully, where it is uncomfortable for them to see this. And then we have the midterms, and then we have more than that.
- [12:52]
Sammy Sage
Just to give context, what Amber Ruffin said, she went on the Daily Beast podcast last week and she said she, like, in the Trump administration, to quote, kind of a bunch of murderers, and said that playing to both sides makes them feel like human beings because they're not. So, you know, I don't know that her set would have been canceled had she not just said that with such recency, knowing she was this person. And it seems like the calculus they made was, we don't need this set to happen as much as we need to maintain our position within the press corps so that we can continue to bring journalism to the American people as best we can. And, you know, to your point about it being a scholarship program, I completely forgot that. And it. I don't. If I ever knew it in the first place. It reminds me of when in Miss Congeniality, Candice Bergen's like, this is not a pageant show. This is a scholarship program.
- [13:45]
Ali Vitale
And you know what? I would say the exact same thing.
- [13:49]
V. Spear
I think it's good. Well, I mean, we're going to see how it goes. I'm Team Amber Ruffin all the way through, and. And I guess we'll see how it goes. The trust in media is not, I think, going to be any further fortified by doing the event the way that it always is. If nothing else is changing except for the host. If it's still the red carpet, if it's still the, like, you know, everybody from Fox News mixing with MSNBC and showing the American people that while they continue to suffer and see nothing but constant division, as soon as it's nerd prom time, everybody kind of, like, has. I think that's tricky for the trusted media. And that is just from, like, we saw this with the Guild when they're laying off journalists and they're closing entire newsrooms, and the public is like, where's the Guild? Like, what happened to the union? Can't they do something? I think the American public is, like, looking for somebody to do something when something like this happens. Maybe it's lack of understanding of the intricate systems of what this dinner is and how it goes, I think it's going to look bad. I think it's going. Going to not do any favors for mending the public's relationship and trust in media.
- [14:53]
Ali Vitale
I think it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. And those comments, I will say it's just not how any reporter or journalist or member of the WHCA would talk about the president in the White House. And, you know, I think Sammy's right about the recency on it. Again, I'm not in the whca. They made this decision unanimously. All of the members of the WHCA are elected by members. And so this is the call that they made. But that's not the way we talk about the White House and the president.
- [15:27]
V. Spear
Can I tell you something else I'm pissed about that I think is ruining America.
- [15:31]
Ali Vitale
I want to do Festivus. So. Yes.
- [15:33]
V. Spear
Yeah. Hooters is closing, too. Okay. So, like, everybody's making bad decisions everywhere. Hooters has filed for bankruptcy. Not that I've been there since high school, but I'm just saying, when. When will the American public be given a break? They're filing for.
- [15:46]
Sammy Sage
I thought it was just restructuring.
- [15:49]
V. Spear
We'll see. They've closed several restaurants over the last several decades. But when we're looking at what is the public getting anymore? Okay. If not Amber Ruffin making fun of the president now, also, restaurants are on the cutting, cutting board.
- [16:03]
Sammy Sage
What will we do without.
- [16:04]
V. Spear
What will we do without them?
- [16:06]
Ali Vitale
Unfortunately, we're going to have to chart that path. It's going to be a tough one going forward.
- [16:10]
V. Spear
Millennials ruining everything, killing the restaurant industry.
- [16:14]
Sammy Sage
Because there's porn on the Internet. I think the thing is that this comes within the context of a lot of other things happening. Like you mentioned, the Paul Weiss and Scadden agreements. Three scholars of fascism from Yale just left the US to teach in Canada. The most recognizable among them is Timothy Snyder, who wrote on Tyranny and is kind of the purveyor of don't submit in advance. I don't know if you consider this submitting. I do think it's like I'm not one to kind of critique anyone's approach to this and I do think it's important that those individuals keep functioning and providing commentary to the public. But it also comes amidst a sort of 360 degree cultural and legal attack that the administration is engaging in against history, media, global soft power that Americans have been reliant on for our safety in a lot of ways, some of which has come through defunding those things and some of which have come just through forcing those institutions to bend. So he's defunding the administration, is defunding npr, pbs, and they just issued an executive order last week to reap or that will allow J.D. vance to basically evaluate the Smithsonian to see if it is pushing any divisive narratives about Western civilization and the United States.
- [17:38]
V. Spear
They better keep their hands off the National Museum of African American History and Culture. That that's the such a gorgeous museum.
- [17:45]
Sammy Sage
They won't be keeping their heads off that.
- [17:48]
V. Spear
No, it is a difficult but important immersive experience there if you've never had a chance to see it. But what do you think, Allie?
- [17:54]
Ali Vitale
First of all, absolutely agree. That museum is gorgeous. Amazing. Look, it's all about the ways that the Trump administration is trying to bring culture heel. I would know that there is some really confusing and some ironic action happening here that as they are going after all of these diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives in corporate America, but also within various aspects of the federal government, they're also still holding Black History Month events and Women's History Month events. And so I, I don't mean to be glib about this, but I just thought we weren't doing that anymore if we're going by the executive orders. And so I think there is a fair amount of confusion to be said is do as I say, not as I do. I mean, there is that piece of it and then there's the other piece of it, which is that I think people have an understandable amount of concern when you see the White House saying that they will be the ones that decide what's acceptable and what's not. And I again, this is another reminder of the ways that this administration is exploiting all of the things that we assumed there were guardrails against. You take it to the example of the Smithsonian, but you can also take it to the example of things like Doge making cuts, the courts taking up those cases, saying, no, you have to pause on making the cuts to usaid. No, you have to pause on using the Alien Enemies Act. And this administration is sort of flaunting that gray space in the separation of powers, which again, everyone thinks that this is cemented and that is more than the tenuous relationship between the White House and the White House Correspondents Association. But you get to enforcement mechanisms and you're forced to grapple with what happens when a White House does not listen to the, in the advisement and the direction of courts. Where does that leave you? Does that put you in a constitutional crisis? The answer is yes, if and when you get there. But there are clear examples of the ways that the administration is flaunting the thing, not doing or adhering to things that judges have said. And so there's so many different applications of this. And it is once again a reminder that democracy is as fragile as everyone from Joe Biden and every other Democrat said that it was in 2020, 2024. And the American public, I think is, is really seeing the output of that.
- [20:10]
Sammy Sage
Well, are they obeying the executive orders? Because some of these cuts, you know, once they're made, it's not like you can uncut them. Like what is, what is happening practically with the court orders and their enforcement.
- [20:23]
Ali Vitale
It's such an excellent question because you look for example, at the USAID and honestly, there's been so many court crisscrossings on this. But at one point the judge in the, in one of the USAID cases said you have to restore the quo. That was the judge's order there. But how do you restore the status quo when the administration has already cleared out USAID's offices, people have already turned back in their laptops, taken apart their desks, another agency is working out of that space. So you can't go back to the status quo. What does it look like then when you've already gone through the dismantling and someone says no, you got to re remantle everything. And so, and so it does leave you in that place of while these things are ping ponging in the courts, the administration is still taking the actions that are spurring court action in the first, first place. And I don't know where that leaves us. We already, we just saw, even just in the last few minutes that USAID will officially be Done and dismantled by September 2, I think, was the date that I saw from the administration. And look, they're trying to subsume that agency underneath the State Department. So they're trying to preserve and keep pieces of it and sort of play administrative jigsaw puzzle, if you will, or administrative Jenga, trying to just shove pieces of these other agencies in other places. They're going to do it with the Department of Education, too. And how do they argue that in court? There's such a different tone and tenor to the way that the DOJ lawyers are in front of courts rather than, you know, speaking from the White House lectern as the press secretary or even the president himself. But that difference in tone is eventually going to come to roost the higher up these cases go. But look, the Supreme Court is going to be really busy. Some of these cases are already finding their way there, and more are likely to join them.
- [22:02]
V. Spear
Comes with a whole litany of other too. It's just doing as much as possible, as quickly as possible so that you can't catch it. All right? And the point is just to break it. To break everything and replace it with some Trumpified unproven system. And going back to why he's having Women's Women's Month meetings at the White House and celebrating these different things. There's always a level of cruelty to it. He's doing a let's Celebrate Women's History Month. But half that entire TikTok or whatever Instagram they put out was about how finally, we're only talking about real women, Right? It's not even. They're not even celebrating women's accomplishments. They're sort of trying to still backhand the inclusion of trans women. And it's like, can't you guys ever just, like, win and enjoy yourself for a day? Like, can you spend one minute not being obsessed with trans people and how you can hurt them or how you can try to, like, make them feel othered or unincluded. Even when you're supposed to be celebrating yourselves, you're still thinking about our community. And it's like. It's exhausting. But that's the point, right? We're back, and we're here to talk about something that everybody's gonna know about, which is Sesame Street. We all grew up watching some Sesame street learning, having all the fun. Now, there is one person who has not liked Sesame street for decades now, and that is Donald Trump. Because back in the day, Sesame street ran a character that was Oscar the Grouch's cousin. Known as Donald Grump. I don't know if you've ever seen this, but they built Grump Tower, and Maria was making fun of how ugly it was. And Oscar lost his entire, like, pension to Donald Grump, his cousin. And he was always trying to, like, extort and exploit people. And he had this crazy orange hair, and he was a rotten, rotten character. And Donald Trump really hated it. Like, really hated it. And so he's had it out for Sesame street and PBS ever since then. And that character only aired on three episodes, but, man, does it take up, like, his entire thoughts when it comes to this outstanding programming.
- [24:08]
Ali Vitale
So today I missed these episodes of Sesame street somehow, so I appreciate it.
- [24:12]
Sammy Sage
We got to find out what. We got to find out what law firm Snuffleupagus used to work at, because they're next to be targeted.
- [24:19]
V. Spear
We're going to play a little game. Now that Sesame street is looking for a new home. And like many of us who have been laid off or affected by Trump policies or lost work because of Trump policies, some of the Sesame street characters have had to pick up work elsewhere. And we're gonna see if you can guess where. Sammy, take it away.
- [24:38]
Sammy Sage
So this game is called Sesame street side Hustle, and we're gonna take a look at how these. These Muppets are getting out of doge now that they've been cut.
- [24:48]
V. Spear
I get it.
- [24:48]
Sammy Sage
Kidding out a doge. I'm gonna list off the characters, and then we're gonna brainstorm where we think they're gonna go next.
- [24:55]
Ali Vitale
Okay, so we're a headhunting firm. I love it.
- [24:57]
Sammy Sage
Hypothetically, a hypothetical headhunting firm. So I'm going to read out the people, and we can all brainstorm where they're going to go. Okay, number one is a fan fave. Cookie Monster. Where's Cookie Monster going?
- [25:09]
V. Spear
Nothing. Bundt cakes. He's going to be a franchisee at the Nothing Bundt Cakes will leave cookies behind and move into Bundt Cakes.
- [25:15]
Ali Vitale
Oh, I thought he was going to try to challenge Paul Hollywood for hosting Great British Bake Off.
- [25:20]
V. Spear
Oh, see, that's a good one.
- [25:21]
Sammy Sage
I agree. They are not. You know, I know we don't have DEI anymore, but they're. First of all, they're over there. We need more Muppet representation. Okay, well, Oscar the Grouch, where's he going?
- [25:31]
V. Spear
Maybe to work for his cousin, Donald Grump. Maybe he was in on the grift the whole time. He was the mole, and he destroyed Sesame street from the inside out.
- [25:39]
Ali Vitale
Ooh, that's Dark. That's like bringing the deep state to Sesame Street.
- [25:43]
V. Spear
Could also run for president. I mean, or congress.
- [25:46]
Ali Vitale
I could see him making a political run, taking grievance culture to the streets.
- [25:50]
V. Spear
Totally.
- [25:51]
Sammy Sage
I could see him being a scam therapist.
- [25:54]
V. Spear
Oh, yes. He could be like a men's. Men's mental health podcaster. You should not have empathy.
- [26:02]
Ali Vitale
But he always comes around, and that's what's important about Oscar.
- [26:06]
Sammy Sage
I guess. So he's like Tony Soprano.
- [26:08]
Ali Vitale
Yes, yes.
- [26:10]
Sammy Sage
Great hit in that way. So where do you think Big Bird's going?
- [26:14]
Ali Vitale
I see him sign spinning outside of, like a car dealership. I don't know why. I just think that's like, his calling. Next.
- [26:21]
V. Spear
Didn't he have a movie where he got a job in the 80s? Wasn't there, like, Big Bird moves away.
- [26:26]
Sammy Sage
How do you know so much about these characters? History. I could see him just ally in line with that. I could see him like someone who's handing out petitions on the street. Like, will you. Will you do something for the birds of North America?
- [26:39]
V. Spear
He's definitely. He could also do, like, social work, perhaps social justice work. I feel like he's good. He could lead a protest. He's very tall.
- [26:47]
Sammy Sage
We'd be good maybe like a body positivity movement, you know, Big is not an insult. It's just a fact.
- [26:52]
V. Spear
My next one is the favorite, though. The next Elmo. Elmo's got armchair therapist. Yeah. Elmo's got skills, though. Where would he. Actually, he's. He's like fluent in a hustle. He could do something in Baltimore.
- [27:05]
Sammy Sage
I think Elmo is doing shadow tweets for Unilever brands.
- [27:08]
V. Spear
Yes.
- [27:09]
Sammy Sage
Because as we know, he's great at getting engagement. And I think he went full time. I think he went trad. I think he wanted a full time job. He wanted stability, health insurance in house. He can do it for, you know, toothpaste and he can do it for deodorants, and that's what Elmo's doing.
- [27:24]
Ali Vitale
I took him very literally for. For therapy. So, like, I feel like therapy, podcasting, like armchair therapy would be like a natural calling card for him based on where his popularity is right now. You know, like, are you okay? No. Elmo. No.
- [27:39]
V. Spear
He'd be a good tiktoker because he does so many viral sounds. He could definitely.
- [27:44]
Ali Vitale
Yeah.
- [27:45]
Sammy Sage
Maybe he supplements his Unilever salary with the creator fund.
- [27:49]
V. Spear
Yeah. Could be for until Saturday. We'll see.
- [27:52]
Sammy Sage
I think he couldn't handle being a therapist. He's a little porous. You know, he Would take on people's emotions a little too heavily.
- [27:59]
Ali Vitale
But then he would go to Oscar for his own therapy. If we're following our line of thinking. So we're really employing a lot of people in this scenario.
- [28:06]
Sammy Sage
Job creators.
- [28:07]
Ali Vitale
Yeah, job creators.
- [28:09]
Sammy Sage
They were right. We turned them from government. Government leashes, leeches to. To job creators.
- [28:16]
V. Spear
Well, what about Bert and Ernie? I think they'll fare the best.
- [28:19]
Sammy Sage
I think they're going to retire.
- [28:21]
V. Spear
They'll.
- [28:21]
Ali Vitale
I think so too. I see them in retirement buying a home on a lake, chilling. Or in Maine.
- [28:26]
V. Spear
We're running like, Dolphin National Park. Yeah. Dolphin tours off the coast of St. Pete Beach, I think would be great.
- [28:33]
Ali Vitale
Oh, I would do that tour in a second.
- [28:35]
V. Spear
Yeah.
- [28:35]
Sammy Sage
And then a pop star marries them.
- [28:37]
V. Spear
Yeah. Like, Bert could be the captain of the dolphin tour off the coast of Saint Peach and then. And Ernie would obviously, like, be the hostess.
- [28:44]
Ali Vitale
But by this logic, shouldn't they also be like new cast members on Below Deck?
- [28:48]
V. Spear
Oh, true. Canonically gay.
- [28:50]
Sammy Sage
You're right.
- [28:50]
V. Spear
Yes.
- [28:51]
Sammy Sage
Yes, you're right.
- [28:52]
V. Spear
Oh, my God.
- [28:53]
Sammy Sage
Fine.
- [28:53]
Ali Vitale
Did you just say nautically gay?
- [28:55]
V. Spear
Canonically, but also nautically. Also nautically gay.
- [28:59]
Sammy Sage
Because they're gonna have a lake house.
- [29:00]
V. Spear
Yes. Yeah.
- [29:01]
Sammy Sage
Our next one is Snuffleupagus. I think he's an only fans creator. Yes.
- [29:06]
V. Spear
Oh, my God.
- [29:08]
Sammy Sage
People have a thing for furries.
- [29:09]
V. Spear
He's totally selling feet pics on OnlyFans. Absolutely.
- [29:13]
Sammy Sage
Yeah.
- [29:13]
Ali Vitale
I was going a whole nother way. I like, really took to heart that you said something about him in a law firm. And so I was like, maybe he's really flexing his legal muscle. He becomes like, someone who argues an important case before the Supreme Court. Something like that. I really saw, like, a big, big future.
- [29:29]
Sammy Sage
Like, maybe he's a grubhub delivery guy, but I don't know. I think he could have. Have a real success on Onlyfans. You gotta. Yeah, you could have anything on there. And I think Snuffleupagus would. Would hit.
- [29:40]
Ali Vitale
I love that for him. And then maybe like part time law, because I can't get rid of that dream for him.
- [29:46]
Sammy Sage
An Only Fans creator with a law degree is, you know, just put in the. In the bio, and I think it's already innately fascinating.
- [29:53]
Ali Vitale
Correct.
- [29:54]
V. Spear
That's a dollar more. Our last one is the Count. Where would the count be?
- [29:58]
Sammy Sage
Ernst and Young. He's an accountant.
- [30:02]
Ali Vitale
Well, maybe he would try to go to the IRS if they ever start rehiring again.
- [30:06]
V. Spear
See, I see the Count as a bartender. Right. Mostly because when I was A bartender. Half of the shit you do is count bottles and weigh them and like have to do inventory all the time. So I feel like he could be a chef or a restaurant worker just counting stuff. Warehouse manager, just sitting there like 1 Bacardi 2.
- [30:24]
Ali Vitale
Wouldn't it be Bacardi?
- [30:26]
V. Spear
Yeah. Yes, exactly.
- [30:30]
Sammy Sage
He's also quite nocturnal, so it makes sense he can do the late night shifts. You know, he's coming home from work while Ally's going to work.
- [30:37]
Ali Vitale
I was gonna say he could also do well as like a morning TV host. Especially now that we've done daylight savings time. Cause I leave the office at six on some days I walk outside and I'm like, oh, it's still dark out, we're fine.
- [30:48]
V. Spear
That's great.
- [30:49]
Ali Vitale
It's Nosferatu hours, you know, I love it.
- [30:51]
Sammy Sage
Exactly.
- [30:52]
V. Spear
This was a fun diversion from the hellscape we live in.
- [30:54]
Sammy Sage
Me too. I think these Sesame street characters have a bright future ahead of them. Even if their. Their show does get taken off the air. Look, they had a long run. I think they running longer than the Simpsons.
- [31:04]
V. Spear
Yeah, so they're great.
- [31:06]
Sammy Sage
You know, they have some bright futures ahead of them in this hyper capitalist society.
- [31:11]
Ali Vitale
The grind is real. Even on Sesame Street.
- [31:20]
Sammy Sage
We gotta talk about Greenland. Never thought this country would take up such a large portion of my conscious conscience. Conscious. But here we are. Vice President J.D. vance visited Greenland this weekend with his wife, which he described as cold as. Yeah, yeah, no, maybe it was that.
- [31:39]
V. Spear
Brigid, welcome. You got JD because there's a lot of people who've been to Greenland who didn't find it cold as they found it warm and welcoming. But perhaps it was just you, my boy.
- [31:48]
Sammy Sage
I think Greenland's pretty. Pretty famously ice and Iceland is famously Greece.
- [31:55]
Ali Vitale
Not since Mighty Ducks taught us this lesson. I just truly didn't think that that line from Mighty Ducks, the seminal classic, would be so centrally featured in our political discussion.
- [32:06]
Sammy Sage
Yeah, I know. He has a. He has a real knack for insulting the citizens of whatever country he visits. So he goes there and he basically dresses like Vladimir Zelensky in like a black. Like, oh, now you're. I don't know. It's definitely some Zelensky cosplay there. He's like, he looks cool. Maybe a little Elon cosplay.
- [32:26]
Ali Vitale
Can I, can I say there, I do have a long standing. It's not a gripe. Maybe it's a pet peeve that male politicians in the United States refuse to wear jackets when it's situation. Situationally appropriate. Like I cannot Tell you the number of things I've been to in Iowa around the caucuses where people think it's somehow tough to, like, not wear a coat. And all I can hear is my grandmother in my ears being, like, wear a coat. You'll catch a chest cold. And, like, you will if it's 10 degrees in Iowa. So, again, I've had this gripe for, like, three presidential cycles now. And thank you for giving me the space and time to air it.
- [32:58]
V. Spear
Yes, please proceed. Ali.
- [33:00]
Sammy Sage
It's not even that tough because drunk girls in college who go to never wore a coat in Ithaca, like myself never wore a coat. Never when it was zero degrees. Because it would ruin your outfit.
- [33:11]
Ali Vitale
And you can't hide the bandage dress. That's. Yeah.
- [33:15]
V. Spear
You would also get flats in the snow. Yep.
- [33:17]
Sammy Sage
Not ballet flats. Stiletto works in the snow.
- [33:21]
Ali Vitale
Because business.
- [33:23]
Sammy Sage
Business formal was such a formal thing to go to a dive bar where my feet would stick to the floor. But at least I got in and at least I didn't die on my way there slipping on ice in my stilettos. But also no coat because that would get ruined. So you're not tough just because you don't have a coat. We could do it.
- [33:41]
V. Spear
But anyway, his fashion on this trip was. Was left much to be desired. One, they clearly did not use any of the glam team available to Usha Vance. And she looks like she aged 20 years in. In her videos with him. But the thing I found more weird.
- [33:55]
Sammy Sage
Than she's letting herself go gray.
- [33:56]
V. Spear
No. Because she looks sad.
- [33:58]
Ali Vitale
Aging is a blessing.
- [33:59]
V. Spear
She. First of all, she looked sad. I'm not even the other thing looked old. I'm saying she looked like they put no effort into whatever was gonna be like her appearance. It was all about him. When it was supposed to be her little trip. And him wearing a hat in the Marine mess hall that says once a Marine, always a Marine. Like, boo. Who you trying to convince? Okay. Like, we know. And if you were a Marine, which he was once a Marine, always Marine. You don't wear your cover inside you freako. Like, he just. Everything about him was unusual and. And, ugh.
- [34:30]
Ali Vitale
I will say to like the hard politics of this. Like, I do think that it was notable the way that they had to scale back this trip because this is a country where much lip service has been paid. You've had the president's son, Don Jr. Now you've got the vice president, the national security advisor, the second lady, all of these people making these physical visits and entreaties to Greenland as the country is only getting more stalwart in its view that it does not want to become part of the United States. And there's a ton of reasons why it makes sense that Donald Trump is talking about wanting it to be part of the United States. There's a trade upside to this. There's a minerals and an oil upside to this. So a resource argument to be made. There's a geopolitical argument to be made. As the ice caps are melting, it becomes easier to do trade through these areas for all these reasons and more. But if the country is actively saying, no, we do not want to be part of the United States, it then leads you to the place of Donald Trump saying that military options are still on the table. And initially when this was brought up at the end of his first term, it was sort of like what Greenland like, I did not have that on my bingo board. But here's like the cascading effect that foreign policy and national security experts that I too, I talk to say all the time. If Trump is saying that military force is an option that is on the table. Denmark is part of NATO. Greenland is part of Denmark. If the United States were to attack Greenland in an act of military force to coerce them to be part of America, an attack on one is an attack on all. Those are the NATO rules, Article 5, what happens in that scenario? And it's a tinderbox on the foreign policy stage. And it's one that everyone talks about when they think about this idea seriously. And I do think that that in this administration, it is an active exercise in needing to take President Trump at his word seriously when he says something. And it's clear when they were spending the manpower to send these folks throughout his administration to Greenland that they are serious about this. We're only in month three. They've got three plus more years to figure out how they want to do this, but it seems like they are actively serious about it.
- [36:40]
Sammy Sage
It's also much. You know, I know this isn't the same exact thing, but the reporting on him talking about wanting Canada, Canada to be the 51st state, all the reporting on those conversations and how they've kind of gone down and been received behind the scenes is that he is totally serious and he is going to economically cripple Canada. Liberation Day is tomorrow. Everyone get ready until they are. They basically agree and there is a huge advantage to taking over parts of Greenland. But like you said, they, they want to be an autonomous country. They don't even want to necessarily be controlled by Denmark. But I think even more than that, they don't want to be controlled by the United States. U.S. officials went door to door during their visit to see if there was anyone in Greenland who would accept a visit from ushavance. And not a single person said yes. So they ended up basically scaling back the visit. They canceled their dog sledding event that they were going to go to, and all they did was go to the US Space Force Base. And that was really the whole trip. Because J.D. vance kind of came in and insulted them. And he was like, you have, you know, Denmark has failed the people of Greenland, essentially, and has left the United States no other option but to try to take over. And that Greenland would ultimately be better off under the United States umbrella than under Denmark's umbrella. But the thing is, there's this extreme entitlement to it where reporters ask, you know, well, what if they don't want to be part of this? And J.D. vance is essentially like, well, are you going to ignore the president's wishes? It's like, yeah, that's usually what got people into wars, famously in prior generations. But we're just going to act like, this is normal.
- [38:20]
V. Spear
There is no way to get it without a war is the thing. And the amount of money that they waste of taxpayer dollars to go over to Greenland and stage these kind of like, see, look, we should do it to try and get the American people to think it's a good idea is being wasted because the green lenders are standing so firm in their idea of, like, no, we don't support this at all. And it's like, you know, it's maddening and it's sad. I'm watching what's happening right now with Russia moving some of their ships into the Arctic. And that is gonna make Donald Trump have an excuse to say, oh, well, I have to move some of our stuff a little bit closer to Greenland and try to, like, lock it out. We already have, like, 15 different military stations on Greenland. Like, we could use it as much as we need to, to protect our national security. We don't need to own it or make it a state or any other thing. And that is where, looking even further down the line, I'm like, is Trump working with Putin more than we even think he is? Like, what is going on with Russia? And these sort of, like, setup, scripted situations where, like, oh, there's nothing I could do. I'm gonna have to go to war now.
- [39:21]
Ali Vitale
I mean, we started the episode by talking about how nothing happens in a vacuum. I think that's partly why, and there's a million reasons why people are watching so closely the way the US Deals with the Ukraine, Russia conflict and how it brings it to a conclusion, if it can do that. But when you talk about basically appeasing Putin by giving him not just parts of Crimea, but other areas of the Donbass that he has made encroachments into, the very reason that this war was started, what, three years ago now, that's why people are watching it so closely, because when you start making those concessions to aggressors on the world stage, history has shown us what appeasement does. It emboldens someone for the next time. And so that's why foreign policy experts, diplomats, others are watching this so closely. And I do think that you have to look at these two seemingly separate scenarios as somehow related, even if people are not drawing those direct lines immediately.
- [40:17]
Sammy Sage
And right now, oh, I think it's pretty, pretty clear that they're related and that ultimately this comes down to a carving up of land and natural resources by individuals who want to be sort of running a borderless or, you know, a world without the borders as we think of them now, and just to kind of close this loop. Something I read this weekend is this new book. It's called Madhouse by New York Times reporters Annie Carney and Luke Broadwater. And it talks about the 118th Congress, which was the Congress between 2023 and 2024, and just how they were completely dysfunctional and batshit. And it's hard to really, I was there.
- [41:00]
Ali Vitale
Can confirm it was nuts.
- [41:01]
Sammy Sage
Just, just totally in an unprecedented way. And something that I thought was a really, a big alarm bell was that they talk about how that process of bringing Ukraine aid, and if you remember how the Republicans wanted to tie Ukraine aid to immigration and border security, the bill that Trump eventually killed, so he could then run on immigration. What happened with Mike Johnson was that at first he was like, really not keen on aid for Ukraine, but as speaker, he started getting briefings about what the real danger of not giving this aid to Ukraine was and how Russia really has ambitions to take over the continent. And though he was originally against this, before he was speaker, now that he had the intelligence, he said that he really pleaded with his caucus to hear these briefings and understand that there, this is about much more than just Ukraine itself, and it's about Russia's bigger territorial ambitions. And he said that basically, like 100 something members of the caucus wouldn't even get briefed, and they voted against it just because of the incentives, they don't want to get attacked by whatever right wing radio host is hot that week.
- [42:09]
Ali Vitale
And in that moment, I can tell you there were members who were furious at Johnson because that was an aid package that passed in bipartisan fashion. And there was some thought process that I think I remember they ended up breaking it up. Like, Ukraine got its own vote, Israel got its own vote. Taiwan aid got its own vote. But initially they thought putting it together would get more Republicans on board because of the Israel component. They were going to lose some Democrats because of that. But it was a bipartisan balancing act from a whip and vote counting perspective that they'd be able to get it through. And ultimately, I remember the view on the Hill at the time was that Johnson was feeling the weight of the speaker and that it transcended the ideas and votes that he made as an individual lawmaker representing Louisiana, and that instead, he viewed himself as a steward of one of the houses of Congress. And that version of Mike Johnson is frankly unrecognizable to the version that we see right now. That version of Mike Johnson is why Democrats voted to help save his job, because he was going to get ousted. And they looked at him despite knowing that he was the architect of trying to help the Trump administration and Republicans overturn various slates of electors from the 2020 election. Despite telling us all that when he was elected speaker in the first instance, Democrats came to his aid and said, all right, this is a guy who at least we can work with. And now you look at him and he fully understands. And this is a reading of reality as it exists right now that Mike Johnson has his job as speaker because he has the favor of the president and he is acting like a man who needs to keep the that. And so far, he has it. They're going to go into a big week, the next two weeks doing reconciliation, which is basically just their partisan budget package. All of the Trump priorities lumped right into one thing. It's going to be tough, but as long as he's representing the way that Trump wants this done, he's going to be fine. But for Johnson, that's always the calculus. It's such a marked shift from the way he was on Ukraine.
- [43:59]
V. Spear
It's just a marked shift from the way he presents himself to be as a person. Right. I mean, I don't know what they've got on him, but other than Covenant Eyes could be providing Trump with all of the details of any potential bad, bad stuff he looks at. He's Got that spyware on his phone.
- [44:15]
Sammy Sage
But honestly, V, you, You know, my instinct is always to think, like, what's the thing behind this? Like, what. How. How are their incentives. How are they really open to doing this? And the truth is it's actually like, it's not that maybe for some people, but it's not like some big blackmail scheme. It's just that the incentives and their. Each of their individual calculuses lead them to act in this way. And they experience with swift. With. With swift measure the consequences when they even take a tiny little turn. If you remember what happened to Amy Coney Barrett when she looked slightly displeased at the president during the State of the Union. So we're looking at, like, cultish behavior.
- [45:00]
Ali Vitale
If I may add, the senators who at least thought about stepping out of line during confirmation battles. People like Joanie Ernst, Thom Tillich, Susan Collins. She's no stranger to this. Neither is Lisa Murkowski. They've not just talked about the political retribution. And Musk plays a huge role in this because he's got millions. He can just shell out to anyone who's either supportive or anyone who's challenging someone who wasn't sufficiently supportive. So that's a piece of this, the enforcer role. But then also, they've talked about the way that they've experienced a steep rise in threats. Capitol Police have been telling reporters this for years, since about 10 years ago, 2017. You saw that chart. If you were to plot it, it would be a straight spike up in the threats that lawmakers have gotten in the era of Trump. And. And that is something that is so part and parcel to this. It's not just a question of political disagreement anymore. There is a safety component to this. And. And offices on Capitol Hill will. Will tell you that. They've told me and others that, too.
- [45:57]
Sammy Sage
We're in a fever dream, as we like to say here.
- [46:00]
Ali Vitale
I like to say it's way too early for this, but it's too late.
- [46:04]
Sammy Sage
Allie, thank you so much for joining us, everyone. Tune in to Way Too early if you're up at 5am I know. I'm always not that unhappy when I wake up in the 5am hour because I know that you're on. If I wake up at 4:30, I'm like, I can't. I'm not waiting, you know, Wait, yeah, that's not gonna happen.
- [46:20]
Ali Vitale
I am the gentle alarm clock. I'm the hatch of morning television.
- [46:24]
V. Spear
You are the hatch? Yes.
- [46:25]
Sammy Sage
Oh, that's great. You should partnership with them.
- [46:27]
V. Spear
All right. Until next time. I'm. Hi, I'm Vspier.
- [46:29]
Sammy Sage
And I'm Sammy Sage.
- [46:31]
V. Spear
And this is American Fever Dream.
- [46:32]
Sammy Sage
Good night, Betches.