Morhaf’s diagnosis of metastatic lung cancer was revealed gradually in the conversation with his lung doctor who walked him through a series of images and pathology results. Given a moment to absorb the news, Morhaf cried and then asked “What’s next?” Despite feelings of sadness and loss, he wondered, “Are there glimmers of hope?”

A cancer diagnosis is not only devastating for patients and healthcare providers alike. Being a physician himself, Morhaf recognizes the importance of giving patients the space to process their diagnosis and to understand the widespread implications of cancer. Morhaf knew the statistics of survival for his diagnosis and had access to resources that made the journey more bearable. While moving from a doctor to a patient was devastating, Morhaf has become more sensitive in managing his own patients.

The “Big C” is not a death sentence; one should never lose hope. Morhaf advises patients and caregivers seek trusted resources and healthcare team as well as others who share their diagnosis.

Although Morhaf’s sense of identity has evolved throughout his life, his cancer diagnosis exacted the most notable challenge. At first, cancer brought a devastating sense of loss, not only of life, but to access of doing what is most essential, which for Morhaf is being a physician. Taking on the identify of a patient was transformative and led Morhaf to connect with a large community of cancer survivors.

Morhaf doesn’t celebrate cancer, doesn’t view it as a gift. However, he acknowledges that he was faced with a difficult situation and is making the best of it. The urgency of an incurable disease propels individuals to squeeze their life projects into a short period of time. This comes with sacrifices, trade-offs, and loss of connection.

Cancer is an isolating disease, and this lack of connection has exacerbated by the COVID pandemic. Patients are faced with daunting decisions. Individuals living with cancer need to take precautions which exacerbates their isolation. When faced with an incurable cancer, these human connections are precious, compounding this loss of time from loved ones.

Humanity struggles with authenticity. And authenticity is essential to who we are. Morhaf shares his story, so that others can see him, know him, and want to share their story too. Humanity is constituted of memoires – of narratives, of stories. In sharing our stories, we make accessible experiences and dialogue that all can learn from.

Grief is part of the lived experience. Major losses change our life course: loss of a loved one, a parent, a child. Over time, our experience with grief changes. With support and space to share our grief, we can move towards healing and celebration of life as well as a reconciliation of mistakes made.

“When I die, I want people to remember me.”

Resources

Being Authentic, Memoir

Roads to Meaning and Resilience with Cancer: Forty Stories of Coping, Finding Meaning, and Building Resilience While Living with Incurable Lung Cancer

Unexpected Launch Podcast