Schulz has a NEW BABY + Why your Girlfriend Loves Gay Hockey Shows

Summary

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Episode Overview

Main Theme:
This rowdy Flagrant episode (Jan 14, 2026) celebrates Andrew Schulz’s new baby boy, dives into brutally honest takes on being a dad of two, explores the strange crossover between straight women and gay hockey dramas, and unleashes the crew’s comedic chaos on culture, gender, sexuality, race, and more. Fans of classic Flagrant banter will get plenty of wild tangents, over-the-line humor, and genuinely personal stories.

Hosts/Regulars: Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, AlexxMedia (Al), Mark Gagnon, Miles, and producers/jokes from Joey, Tanya, Shifty

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Schulz Is a Dad Again

• Andrew announces the birth of his son, Lincoln Lawrence Schultz (00:47–06:00)
  • Delay in podcast episodes due to the new baby.
  • Wife doing the hard work “slaving away at home,” while Andrew jokes about staying out of her way by playing paddle.
  • Hilarious stories about family: his daughter has a Trinidadian accent from nannies; they're raising a “Trini family.”
  • Discussion of name selection: Lincoln was chosen over Jones, with ties to family members and even Abraham Lincoln.

“I got a new little baby… My wife is just slaving away at the house with two kids, and—it is what it is.” – Andrew (00:59)

Notable Moment: Andrew jokes about the group’s low enthusiasm for his second kid:

“The first time he had a baby, remember there was like a 20-minute story. This time, he just tossed it in the chat.” – Akash (04:44)

2. Birth: The Brutal Truth

• Unfiltered accounts of C-section and childbirth
  • Andrew describes the C-section process in graphic, comedic terms—the curtain, the doctor's head popping up, the discovery of blood and organs everywhere (06:30–11:00).
  • The guys one-up each other’s “how gnarly was your first childbirth experience?” Akash relives watching births during high school clinicals.
• The classic mistake: Andrew looks over the curtain at the C-section.

“Do not do it. Every guy will do it… You just wish that you didn’t.” – Andrew (08:17)

• Akash contrasts C-section versus vaginal birth (and jokes about “perineal care” and cleaning old women).

3. Parenting Differences with Boys vs. Girls

• Bonding with a son vs. a daughter (12:16–16:00)
  • Andrew admits he feels more “immediately inappropriate” with his son, making dad jokes about genitals, teasing nurses—a freedom he never felt with his daughter.
  • Conversation about breastfeeding: Miles and Andrew riff on wives still breastfeeding at 15+ months, accidental Instagram nipple leaks, and how motherhood changes how women see their bodies.

“I feel very comfortable being inappropriate… I could not do that with Shiloh [his daughter].” – Andrew (13:00)

• Andrew and Emma’s son’s anatomy becomes a running joke:

“I think he came out dick hard—100%. I think he came out dick hard, hacking.” – Andrew (19:02) “I was like, yo, I think you got a huge dick, and Emma goes—in a genuine way—‘how do you know what a kid’s dick is, big or not?’” – Andrew (19:22)

4. Family, Nannies, and Raising ‘Multicultural’ Children

• Trinidadian family and accents (01:20–02:30)
  • Andrew observes his daughter picks up a Trini accent—family is effectively “Trinidadian now.”
  • The crew riffs on bilingual children and career advantages, jokes about food, and “whitening it up” around parents.

5. Comedic Tangents: Sex, Gender, Race, and Workplace

• Sexualization vs. practicality after parenthood (15:03–17:00)
  • Jokes on how the meaning of breasts changes post-pregnancy.
  • Miles describes his child multi-tasking on his wife’s breasts while breastfeeding (“tries to tune the radio”).
  • The team spirals into a series of d*ck size and dildo comparisons—culminating in measuring a studio dildo against Al’s claimed size (31:00–34:39).
• Race, Code-switching, the N-word (26:12–28:48)
  • Al discusses using code-switching and appropriateness of language in different racial groups.
  • The group debates who uses the N-word best among them—a playful, self-aware dig at Black linguistic nuance within multiracial friend groups.
• Workplace ‘whiteness’, LGBTQ inclusiveness, and playing with dildos (30:19–34:39)
  • The crew jokes about the office being “too white,” brings in stories about dealing with sexuality, and flips between high-brow and hilariously crude.

6. Gay Hockey Shows and Female Desire

• Heated Rivalry: Why do straight women love gay hockey dramas? (39:01–1:00:00)
  • Segment opens with Andrew wondering (with some light homophobic joking) why raising kids in NY means higher chances they’d turn out gay, and why girlfriends are so into gay male media.
  • Joey explains the “Heated Rivalry” phenomenon: two secret-lover hockey players, once a “slut novel,” now a hit TV show picked up by HBO.
  • Tanya and Joey clarify why straight girls love it—“It’s just hot to be a guy. …It’s more of just a feeling, it’s just a part of this.”
  • The crew watches gay sex scenes, react with open discomfort, humor, and curiosity.
  • Multiple timestamps dominated by “what are we watching?” and “why do straight girls find this so hot when we don’t get turned on by girl-on-girl?”
  • Tanya defends pansexuality; women’s attraction isn’t about “seeing themselves” in the action—it’s about vibe, charisma, etc.
• Generational Divide:
  • Schulz and Akash note that in their youth, dating a “bi guy” meant being less attractive to women. Tanya asserts that’s changing in Gen Z—but some of her female friends wouldn’t date a bi guy, so attitudes are still mixed.

7. AI Culture, Meme-ing, and Representation

• Joey uses AI to create deepfake gay scenes of the hosts and jokes about the sophistication of modern AI.
  • “I had to beg and trick these AIs into doing gay.” – Joey (52:43)
  • Group marvels at what’s possible, while acknowledging the weirdness and ethical lines getting crossed by the tech (“I know we’re supposed to hate AI, but the ability to make things gay that aren’t, okay…” – Alex at 50:04).

8. Honest Conversation about Addiction and Empathy

• Akash tells the story of his camera guy pawning all his equipment to cover gambling debts (79:41–89:08):
  • A tale of addiction, betrayal, comedic frustration—eventually the gear is returned after a wild weekend panic and “pawn shop roulette.”
  • The group debates empathy towards addicts; Schulz and Mark urge some compassion.
  • Final punchlines: “I hope he’s sucking dick for parlays. I want that for you.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On having a second kid:

  “The first time he had a baby… there was like a 20 minute story. This time [he] just hearted the group chat.” — Akash (04:44)

• On looking at the C-section:

  “Do not do it. Every guy will do it…you just wish that you didn’t.” — Andrew (08:17)

• On gendered parental feelings:

  “With Link, it’s like immediately he’s breastfeeding on my wife, and I’m making sounds…I feel very comfortable being inappropriate.” — Andrew (13:37)

• On multiracial family life:

  “I’m basically raising Trinidadian family. Damn right.” — Andrew (02:18)

• On breast-feeding and transformation:

  “Once women have a kid, it’s not like… she doesn’t see her nipples in the same way.” — Andrew (15:15)

• On gay hockey shows and straight women:

  “Straight women, first off, LOVE this show. I don’t know why.” — Joey (39:53)

  “What isn’t hot about it is my question. My friends are barking at the TV.” — Tanya (58:53)

  “Would you date a bi guy?” — Al (59:04) “I mean, yeah, I have.” — Tanya (59:07)

• On the N-word and language code-switching:

  “If it’s just me, it’s gonna be every—It’s n**** this, n**** that…because I’m talking to white n****s.” — Al (26:16)

  “Some people got it. They’re like Steph with it. Like they just drop it and it’s buckets every single time.” — Alex (28:16)

• On the pawned camera gear/gambling story:

  “He goes, ‘I didn’t steal it. I pawned it.’ I was like—oh—oh—me in my face!” — Akash (82:11)

  “He needed to pay my business partner—bad guy… he had apparently taken his credit cards, maxed them out… rung up crazy debt to him.” — Akash (84:15)

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Highlighted Segments and Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | Content | |-----------|--------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:47–06:00 | Andrew’s New Baby | Name reveal, delay in episodes, parenting with two kids | | 06:30–11:00 | Birth Stories | Graphic discussion of C-section, hospital tales, midwife banter | | 12:16–16:00 | Gendered Parenting | Differences in feeling toward son vs. daughter, inappropriate jokes| | 19:02 | Newborn Anatomy Joke | “Came out dick hard”—Schulz riffs on male baby anatomy | | 26:12–28:48 | Race & Language, N-word | Debating who ‘owns’ the N-word in the group, code-switching | | 31:00–34:39 | Dildo Measurement | Comparing studio dildo to claims of personal size | | 39:01–1:00:00 | Gay Hockey Show Obsession | Why straight women are obsessed, crew watches gay sex scenes | | 79:41–89:08 | The Gambling Camera Guy | Akash’s long story about addiction, theft, and equipment return |

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Flow, Structure, and Tone

The episode is loose, rapid-fire, and brash, leaping nimbly from parenthood and culture to ridiculous banter and trenchant observations. Light-hearted teasing is constant, but there’s also room for real empathy (especially regarding addiction) and sharp cultural critique, particularly about attitudes toward gender, sex, and generational change.

The overall tone: unfiltered, intimate, and always “flagrant.” If you missed the episode, this rundown gives you every wild U-turn, memorable roast, and bigger cultural question they hit.

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Closing Thoughts

Flagrant’s latest episode is a comic hurricane—anchored by Schulz’s sly parenting stories, turbocharged by a cast of quick-witted co-hosts, and, as always, bending taboo topics to get laughs and provoke thought. From raising a son in NYC to why girls love gay hockey shows, no cultural boundary is left unexplored.

Transcript

[Alex]

What's up, everybody, and welcome to Flagrance. Okay. Happy New Year. Yes. Sorry for the weekly delay. Some of you guys probably know the news. We had a delay. We're on delay.

[Mark]

I gotta jump on it.

[Miles]

He's having fun, dude. He's riffing, dude.

[Al]

He's having it now. He's having it now.

[Alex]

All right, Al. All right, Al, you do the intro, and we're just gonna wait patiently for you to speak perfectly for the next 30 seconds.

[Mark]

Oh, now.

[Al]

Now the pressure's on.

[Mark]

W up. Got you. That's real.

[Alex]

That's.

[Mark]

Al is encapsulated. Always has been. Hey, everybody.

[Alex]

Welcome to Flagrance. Your boy, Shel T. I'm here with Akash Singh. Alex Media. Marky Gags. What's up? And listen, New Year. New Year. I got a new little baby.

[Akash]

Very much.

[Alex]

And that's why we were delayed a week. But now we're back to work. My wife is just slaving away at the house with two kids and. And it is what it is.

[Akash]

Hell yeah.

[Alex]

You know, that's. That's. That is life.

[Akash]

Now, how has this affected you?

[Alex]

I've been playing paddle every single day. It is amazing how unaffected. How unaffected. And it's starting to eat away at my wife. But she's busy with the kids. She can't really complain.

[Miles]

Yeah, but you don't want too many cooks in the house. You know what I mean? Like, there's already another person in there, Right? There's a new baby. You don't want to be in there crowding it up.

[Alex]

Exactly. And we have a team of Trinidadian specialists that are helping take care of the kid. My daughter, 100%. I was telling you guys this. In the group said 100% has a Trini accent. 100%.

[Akash]

That's awesome.

[Alex]

It's not even would be. It is. She doesn't speak like a white person.

[Mark]

She is awesome.

[Alex]

100%.

[Miles]

Trini, welcome.

[Akash]

I need to see this.

[Alex]

It is. It is.

[Mark]

Fada Mila mi fada. Mila mi fada. Take me to cocoon. Father read me the book about the cougar. She said, every morning I want to read the book about the cougar. But what is funny about this is.

[Alex]

My wife is a stay at home mom.

[Mark]

So what language is she speaking to my daughter?

[Akash]

Son, all your wife talks to is Trinidadian. She probably getting that accent too.

[Alex]

And my wife's dad was raised in Trinidad.

[Akash]

Boom. There you go.

[Alex]

So we got to keep it real.

[Akash]

It's in there. Your kids now, it's just coming Out.

[Alex]

I'm basically raising Trinidadian family. Damn right. Damn right.

[Miles]

They widen it up when they talk to you, but when it's just them.

[Alex]

When it's just them, they're just getting after it 100%. Just cougain it up.

[Miles]

That's crazy. But you always want bilingual kids.

[Alex]

Exactly, dude.

[Miles]

It's going to help with, like, job opportunities, man.

[Akash]

The first time you.

[Alex]

What job do you think they'll be able to get?

[Miles]

They could probably, like, you know, take over something like that. I don't know.

[Akash]

Make a mean beef patty.

[Miles]

Yeah, I play soccer better probably. It helps.

[Alex]

Apparently they got the best roti in Trinidad.

[Akash]

You know, I could believe that the best paratha paratha is in Malaysia. Yeah, so.

[Al]

Really?

[Akash]

Yeah, that I've had.

[Alex]

Are there a lot of. Oh, yeah, that's right. There's a lot of Indians out there.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Miles]

The best tikka masala in England.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Because that's a English dish.

[Miles]

But what's the best Indian food from India?

[Akash]

Mumbai. Got that. Cracks often that.

[Alex]

Were you. Were you gonna say right there?

[Akash]

I was just asking, were you gonna talk about the feet Stew?

[Miles]

That's racist. That's a racist comment.

[Akash]

They make it. It's all right.

[Miles]

No, no.

[Alex]

What makes it racist?

[Miles]

But they don't all use their feet.

[Akash]

No, I'm saying there's one person like, what are you making a racist?

[Miles]

You're making a guy. Indians only use their feet. They use their armpits.

[Akash]

It's a type of food from one.

[Alex]

That shit when he takes the fucking naan and white.

[Mark]

Oh, yeah, I know, I know.

[Alex]

It's AI, right?

[Miles]

No automatic Indian.

[Mark]

Yeah, exactly.

[Miles]

That's where it comes from, dude.

[Alex]

Anyway, how was your guys?

[Akash]

Yo, the first time he had a baby, remember, there was like a 20 minute story. This time his second, Andrea had a baby. He had the group chat like, hey.

[Mark]

So what's going on with Maduro, son?

[Alex]

I think I might have done that while the C section was happening, son.

[Mark]

I might have seen. I might have sent out a text during the C section.

[Akash]

I've never seen a person drop off in enthusiasm, yo.

[Mark]

It's not my enthusiasm, it's yalls enthusiasm.

[Alex]

I don't even know if you guys congratulated me.

[Miles]

We did.

[Mark]

Come on, everybody.

[Al]

What are you talking about?

[Mark]

Send a text to the group chat like, yo, I have a child now. I said, no, I have a child now. And I think you might have just hearted it. I don't think I got a phone call from him for the last. I think I had no akash misgendered your kid? Yeah, Akash did a fake compliment to my kid. He was like, oh my gosh, she's beautiful. I go, is it he? He goes, a handsome son of a gun.

[Akash]

I didn't know.

[Mark]

You didn't? That's the last time I spoke to him since I had a kid. That's the last time I spoke to him. I asked to see you New Year's.

[Akash]

Eve, you didn't respond.

[Alex]

It's New Year's Eve. I just had a child.

[Mark]

You wanna hang out here on New Year's Eve when I got a new baby? That's a timeline mix up. Come on, bro.

[Joey]

That's a timeline mix up.

[Mark]

You didn't even have a child to have a bab. Even have the baby yet. No. Oh, my bad, my bad. New Year's Eve without you.

[Alex]

Think you want me to.

[Mark]

Way too far.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Come on, man.

[Akash]

I asked the baby's name, you didn't respond. I found out via IG we didn't.

[Mark]

Know the name until very late.

[Miles]

Oh, that. That's kind of fun.

[Alex]

We didn't. We did a last minute leave the hospital cuz we were debating between two.

[Miles]

Oh really?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Can you share?

[Alex]

Yes. Is Lincoln Lawrence Schultz. Nick Fuentes.

[Mark]

Lawrence Schultz. Those two. And then we went with Lincoln, the.

[Alex]

Other Republican.

[Akash]

The second best leader in American history.

[Miles]

No, Link is great. Great name.

[Mark]

I love Link.

[Alex]

Love it. Yeah.

[Al]

No, what was really the other option?

[Alex]

I love the name Jones as a first name. Yeah. Never heard anybody with that as a first name.

[Akash]

That's cool.

[Alex]

Well, it's tough to say with Schultz, Jones, Schult, but like Lincoln is like my brother's middle name is Lincoln. My dad's name is Lawrence. So it's basically. And then Emma's like grandma's middle name is Lincoln too. Oh really?

[Miles]

Oh, didn't your dad love Abraham Lincoln?

[Alex]

Yeah, it's the biggest. That's why he named my brother after.

[Al]

Oh, so you won.

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah, that's what happened. They were debating, he won. That's the least she could do after she carried him for 10 months. Just let me name it. You know what I mean? Like, I barely got to spend any time with that baby. I know, dude.

[Akash]

You got in the way of your paddle so often. Proud.

[Alex]

I know, dude.

[Akash]

Having to take her to the hospital.

[Al]

Was this.

[Miles]

Go around to the hospital. Was it normal?

[Alex]

No. Every single time. It's absolutely terrible.

[Miles]

All right.

[Alex]

I think because it's scheduled C section. Right. So it's like. And in my mind it's the same Thing, which I imagine you guys are thinking, you go in, numb it up, cut a hole, unzip, take out the baby. Done.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And zip it back up. Zip it back up. Yes, of course. And this one, that's kind of like what you think was happening. There's this, like, curtain down. All of a sudden, I see, like, this. The same doctor, her head pop up above the curtain at one point in time, and then she starts going. The vocal cords wrapped around the neck, and I'm like, I can't see what's happening. Emma's kind of hearing stuff, but she's out of it. She's asking me to tell her stories about, like, Shiloh, to, like, distract her. And, like, I realized in that moment, like, all we do is just kind of hang out with her. There's no stories yet.

[Al]

You know what I mean?

[Alex]

It's not like, oh, remember when she.

[Mark]

Was in her soccer game and she hit the winning goal? It's just like.

[Alex]

Remember when we fed her three times.

[Mark]

A day so she stays alive? Right? So I'm, like, inventing stories.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Remember when she said that thing she wasn't supposed to say and then we laughed?

[Miles]

She was driving the rickshaw in Port of Spain. She'll remember that.

[Mark]

So. So.

[Alex]

So, like, I'm saying that while. And then, like, I see the. The doctor is, like, pushing down to get the baby out because the baby wouldn't come out.

[Akash]

Like.

[Alex]

Like, ace vent. I don't know if you guys saw Ace Ventura, too. Remember, like, in Africa where he, like, just pushes the stomach and the baby flies out of. Okay, but this is, like, a part of.

[Al]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

That is what she was doing to get the baby to leave.

[Akash]

Yikes.

[Al]

Interesting.

[Alex]

And it was so. Just terrifying. And then you're, like, worried that Emma's gonna bleed out. And, like. Yeah, of course.

[Al]

It's Just peek around the curtain, see what's up.

[Alex]

When the baby was healthy, I did the thing that you should not do. And every guy will do it. Do not do it. Every guy will do it. I'll do it. You know, God willing, if we're able to have another baby, I'll do it again. But. And you just glimpse for a second and you just wish that you didn't do that.

[Akash]

Yeah. It's brutal.

[Miles]

Really?

[Alex]

Oh, my God.

[Miles]

It's one thing to witness birth where it's supposed to come out, but, like, you just saw a surgery, bro.

[Akash]

I'm gonna be honest. It's worse where it's supposed to come out.

[Miles]

Yeah, no, because there's already A hole for it?

[Al]

Nah, but it's not.

[Akash]

But it ain't built for that.

[Al]

Yeah, when you see that. When you see that cute little thing get like that, it's.

[Mark]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Akash]

When they fucking squirm their head to get out, that shit is great.

[Miles]

Wait a minute.

[Mark]

They do that?

[Al]

Yeah, and then sometimes they.

[Mark]

None of these guys have seen this.

[Alex]

No, I have.

[Akash]

I did clinical rotations in high school because I was supposed to be a doctor. Wait, I've seen C section son. This couple let me.

[Alex]

It should be illegal. It should have been.

[Akash]

But this couple, they came and asked the mom and the dad, they're like, this kid is. He wants to be a doctor one day. He's doing this as part of his high school program. Would you be okay with him watching? And they were like, yeah. So I'm in the room.

[Mark]

I'm in the room.

[Alex]

The other pussy.

[Mark]

I got the first pussy. I saw that.

[Akash]

You know what's crazy?

[Alex]

That.

[Akash]

And I worked in a nursing home, so I saw old pussy.

[Miles]

Golly.

[Akash]

That's how I cleaned it. Perineal care.

[Miles]

So you're 16?

[Joey]

17.

[Akash]

I'm 16 years old. I'm watching childbirth. I see the baby. So squirm its head to get out the baby juice or whatever. The flies everywhere. I'm legit. I'm not ready for this.

[Mark]

So I do a full.

[Akash]

So the dad is playing a mock.

[Mark]

What the fuck is this little fat.

[Akash]

Kid doing in here? Get him out of here.

[Mark]

Yeah, dude, I had no clue about this about you.

[Akash]

Yeah, dude, I forget all this shit because it was so far. You know what I mean? There was a whole failure of becoming a doctor after that. That blocked out.

[Miles]

Trying to block it out.

[Alex]

Tell me about the C section.

[Akash]

C section. They cut it. That was what I saw. First they cut it. It's bloody, but they cut the stomach open. And then they kind of just pull the baby out.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Which is. Theirs. Didn't have any kind of.

[Alex]

Are they pulling out organs and stuff, too? It looked like there was shit just.

[Mark]

All over the place.

[Al]

Then they pull the afterbirth, the placenta shit. And so it's like a second little lump that comes out.

[Akash]

But I didn't see any organs. I didn't see any crazy shit. The natural.

[Alex]

I thought her liver was just chilling on the table. I looked over for a second. There's blood everywhere. And I thought that they just removed her whole insides to get out the. I know it doesn't make any logical sense, but, I mean, there were bags and bags and bags of blood.

[Al]

Oh, God.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Akash]

I don't remember that much blood. Maybe I just forgot was 25 years ago. Whatever you've seen.

[Al]

Yeah, I've seen it.

[Akash]

Yeah. Which one did you find tougher?

[Al]

The vaginal was tough.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Joey]

Yeah, because that.

[Al]

It ripped.

[Alex]

She shit down to the.

[Akash]

Oh, yeah. They'd be shitting. They got the bag underneath this blue fucking garbage bag.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Like. Yeah, it's a recycling bag. They throw it in the glass pile afterward.

[Al]

But the C section was much better.

[Akash]

Yeah, dude, I agree.

[Al]

Pulled it out and then they took the placenta, just put it right on a stone.

[Mark]

I was, like, happening.

[Al]

But they were just so rough with it. Like, just.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's crazy. That's protocol.

[Al]

They are rough with you.

[Miles]

You got a rough. Yeah.

[Alex]

All right, guys. Show announced. And we're all doing this in less than 10 seconds. I will go right now. We begin March 28th. Providence, Rhode Island. August 8th. Halifax, Nova Scotia, Akash.

[Akash]

January 15th through 18th. This weekend. Phoenix, Arizona.

[Miles]

This Friday and Saturday. Salt Lake City of wise guys.

[Al]

January 24th. Cancel Comedy Hard Rock Casino.

[Miles]

Thank you, guys.

[Alex]

Casino.

[Miles]

No Cafe.

[Alex]

Hard Rock Cafe. And we're back.

[Miles]

You're just trying to tell stories the whole time while they're just ripping.

[Alex]

I got no fucking clue what was going on, honestly. That sounds harder.

[Miles]

You're trying to stay locked in.

[Mark]

Yeah, dude.

[Alex]

And I'm usually good at kind of talking in front of people. And that one.

[Akash]

You're not ready. You had no prep. Is a pop quiz. You got no material. You know what I mean?

[Miles]

No one likes a heckler, unresponsive crowd.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Yeah. That baby's heckling is too much going on.

[Alex]

Oh, just terrifying. Just terrifying. But it worked out.

[Akash]

Everything's fine.

[Alex]

We got a beautiful baby. Shout out Link recovering.

[Akash]

How's it different having a son than a daughter? Do you feel different? You feel a different bond?

[Alex]

It is different.

[Miles]

Really?

[Alex]

Yeah, it is different. I feel.

[Akash]

How so.

[Alex]

You just like him more, like, immediately.

[Mark]

No, no, no.

[Alex]

I'm much more inappropriate with him. So, like, he was.

[Mark]

He's two days old.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Miles]

But, like.

[Alex]

Like, the second I saw his, like, dick and balls, like, I'm immediately commenting on it. Like, immediately I'm making jokes about it. Like, I'm telling all the nurses, like, you know, I'm just doing the classic, like, dad, you know, and. And I'm messing around with, like, our, you know, our nannies and the baby nurse. And, like, it just. I'm teasing about him in a very different, inappropriate way that I could not do with Shiloh. Like, Shiloh, it's like pure protection. I love you. I don't ever want. I don't even feel comfortable joking around in any kind of, like, sexual scenario with Shiloh. But with Link, it's like, immediately he's breastfeeding on my wife, and I'm making sounds like it's just any. I feel very comfortable being, like, inappropriate.

[Joey]

Come on, dude.

[Mark]

Is that. I feel like that's that odd to say. For whatever reason, I'm like.

[Alex]

I don't know. I'm, like, really protective over Shiloh.

[Akash]

Yeah. It feels like how it should be. Like, that's daddy's little girl, and then this is dad's friend in the making. Y' all are going to be friends. Y' all can be best friends. That's what you want with your son and your dad and then your daughter. It's like. I mean, obviously we get along, but that's my little baby. That's my little baby girl.

[Alex]

Yeah, it is. Yeah. So far.

[Al]

Sucking noises, though.

[Mark]

It's crazy. That's a little crazy. Hell yeah.

[Alex]

Get that. Get that. Get that out.

[Akash]

I think I would do that, daughter.

[Mark]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Alex]

Do you mean you have a kid?

[Miles]

Yeah, my baby will breastfeed disrespectfully, and I don't like it.

[Alex]

You don't like it?

[Miles]

No, cuz. Cuz, it's disrespectful.

[Alex]

What does he do?

[Miles]

Cuz he'll be on.

[Alex]

How old is that?

[Miles]

Fifteen months. Still? Yeah.

[Alex]

Is that crazy?

[Miles]

That's what I tell. I'm like, grow up.

[Alex]

Still on the 15 months.

[Akash]

Two weeks ago.

[Mark]

Dude, that is for you, bro.

[Alex]

That a.

[Mark]

You trying to keep that titty, girl. That's what I want. That titties. You want them titties. You keeping him like a dairy cow. If you don't.

[Miles]

If you don't.

[Mark]

That's crazy.

[Al]

Respect.

[Alex]

No, no.

[Mark]

With all due respect.

[Alex]

All due respect, cuz Emma's stacked right now.

[Mark]

I looked at her today and I said, we got to take pics, guys. I said, dude, I put a picture.

[Alex]

Of Emma's nipple on Instagram by accident.

[Al]

That was wild.

[Alex]

You want to know the wilder one? You know, Emma private on his.

[Joey]

Had looked.

[Mark]

Emma's private on Instagram. She's.

[Alex]

She wants no attention. Like, nothing, right? Like. And she. Once you have a kid, your body is not the same in terms of your relation and the sexualization of it. Like, once women have a kid, it's not like she was almost like, ah, whatever. You posted it. Yeah, like, I. I literally she was like, ah. I'm like, I think I can delete it. She's like, ah, if you can delete it, delete it. But I don't care. Like, she doesn't see her nipples in the same way.

[Miles]

It's a weapon, dude. That is a tool.

[Mark]

It's a fork.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Like, they see it like a piece.

[Miles]

Of silver before the baby. My girl.

[Al]

But the rest of the Internet doesn't.

[Mark]

That is very true. That is very true.

[Alex]

They do not.

[Mark]

Before they're like, schultz, what are you thinking? It was funny because I got all these DMs, bro.

[Miles]

No, I got.

[Mark]

I got all these dances, but they're.

[Alex]

Like, bro, I know you haven't slept in days. And it's like, I've slept every single day.

[Miles]

My wound is 99.

[Mark]

Exactly. I posted this on eight hours of sleep. Like, put your girl's nipple showing.

[Alex]

You should probably take that down anyway, bro.

[Miles]

Before the baby, girls will be like, oh, I don't want to wear this bikini at, like, the family function. Because it's like, it's too revealing. Da, da, da. The second baby comes out, parents in the room just double dropped, dude. Feeding it up.

[Akash]

It might.

[Tanya]

My.

[Al]

No double drop.

[Miles]

Because it's just like, oh, he's crying.

[Alex]

I'm sorry. Someone else might need some. Mark.

[Mark]

It out in case it doesn't.

[Miles]

Because this is the disrespectful part. This is what I was saying. He doesn't just utilize one. He'll be on one, and then this little hand will pop up, and then he'll start twiddling the other one.

[Al]

Nah, you know what? No, you know what?

[Mark]

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

[Al]

Wait a minute.

[Akash]

Have you noticed.

[Mark]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, shut up, shut up, shut up. Yo, you remember? And he denies this to this day.

[Al]

Remember Miami, when Dove said he walked in his crib and he just saw a mad.

[Mark]

That's the game. Were we allowed to say this?

[Miles]

Wait, what?

[Mark]

When? What happened in the room?

[Miles]

Wait, this is not a true Miami. What room?

[Alex]

When Dove walked into the room.

[Akash]

Oh, my God.

[Miles]

We're doing this again, bro.

[Mark]

Come on, guys. I'm gonna believe this. You guys are gonna believe that's what goes on here.

[Miles]

Okay? We're a tribe, okay? We do primitive style. Sometimes it pops out. You gotta feed the baby.

[Mark]

You kind of lean over inside out there, okay?

[Alex]

Can we just.

[Miles]

What do you do? You girls has to feed the kid. You just banish her to another room. You send her away. Say, go away, heathen. You're. You're Impure.

[Alex]

No, no, I agree with you. I don't think that the body should be sexualized exactly.

[Al]

Like, whip them both out when you have one.

[Miles]

Because he needs to dial the radio, bro. I'm telling you. He's trying to tune the fucking thing. He's trying to get the fm. He's on it.

[Al]

That is. That's the Gagnon house.

[Miles]

That's the baby. He's doing it while staring at me.

[Alex]

My kid and probably every kid, but my kid loves them titties so much, bro. He'll be.

[Mark]

He'll be eating right. He'll eating.

[Alex]

Throw up on the titty while he's eating, and then just keep on eating.

[Mark]

And I'm like, got it. Get it, little man. Get it. Don't pull off for nothing. Don't be stopped. Take that down. Take that down.

[Akash]

You should have had another daughter.

[Mark]

I need this boy to harden me up again. I did. I got too soft. I got too soft. I need that boy to harden me up again.

[Al]

His son out here gagging on.

[Mark]

Why you say that? Why'd you say, my dad respects. In this family gag? Yo, he's taking it down. Thrown up out the corner of his.

[Alex]

Mouth, keeps on sucking. That's great.

[Mark]

And if my wife tries to wipe.

[Alex]

His mouth, he's like, off me, woman.

[Mark]

I'm gay in mind. He's like, rocky, dude. Yeah.

[Miles]

Keeps it moving. It's kind of beautiful.

[Alex]

He is unstoppable, dude. Yeah.

[Miles]

It's kind of beautiful, dude.

[Alex]

Yeah, right? I think he came out Dick hard. 100%. I think he came out dick hard, hacking.

[Miles]

I.

[Alex]

Look, man, I was like, yo, you got a huge dick and red balls. His balls were so red.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, the sack was so red.

[Mark]

That's why we got you these, by the way. Yeah, that's what it looked like. That's what it looked like.

[Alex]

And Emma's, like, in a daze. And I was like. I was like, yeah. I was like, yo, I think you got a huge dick. And Emma goes. She's like. She's like. She's like, really? She goes in a genuine way. She's like, how do you know, like, what a kid's dick is? Big or not?

[Mark]

Good question.

[Alex]

And I question.

[Mark]

And I'm just like, honestly, I have no clue. I was just really hoping. How do you answer that? No, I've seen a lot of kids dicks.

[Miles]

I've been doing research.

[Alex]

Damn.

[Miles]

That's crazy, dude. So your kid was starting the C section from the inside?

[Alex]

I think so. I'm not Leaving?

[Mark]

You said, I'm not leaving. Hit him with the leo. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving.

[Miles]

No.

[Alex]

But he's never seen pussy, man.

[Miles]

Damn.

[Alex]

He never felt it.

[Akash]

He felt it.

[Alex]

He never felt pussy.

[Akash]

He felt it.

[Alex]

No, because he had an ivf, so he didn't even feel it on the way in.

[Mark]

This motherfucker never felt, but we gotta.

[Alex]

Get him to feel. So maybe that's why he loves titty so much.

[Mark]

But in that crazy.

[Alex]

Didn't feel it on the way out. Didn't feel on the way in.

[Miles]

Damn. There's still hope for him, though.

[Al]

You got you a future. What's it called? Gold star.

[Alex]

I thought about that.

[Mark]

That's above platinum.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, well, that's beautiful, dude. The miracle of life.

[Alex]

The miracle of life, man.

[Miles]

That's amazing. By the way, did the doctor see the Netflix special?

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Did. Were there any. Did she have anything to say?

[Alex]

Yeah, first of all, she was like. First thing she said was to my wife, she goes, he's a comedian. She's like, yeah.

[Miles]

And he's like.

[Alex]

She's like, wow. I didn't find him funny at all.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It was the most terrifying day of my life.

[Mark]

Yeah. I'm horrified. I couldn't breathe for about a year leading up to this moment. Maybe that's why.

[Alex]

Maybe I was really stressed every time I would come here hoping to hear a fucking heartbeat.

[Akash]

You can't explain why you were bombing to a person. No. You know, I mean, that just makes it worse.

[Miles]

And then. Were you trying to.

[Mark]

No.

[Akash]

It's a stressful time.

[Miles]

You're trying to ham it up the second time. Nah. What do you do for work?

[Akash]

That's how I was wrong.

[Mark]

You're a dog. I was. I was.

[Alex]

Yeah. I was like. I don't know, man. I don't know what to say, Mark. I don't know what to say.

[Miles]

How's your dog doing? Is your dog. Oh, yeah.

[Akash]

Your dog's getting further neglected.

[Alex]

No, no, no. I'm good with the dog now.

[Miles]

Oh, really?

[Alex]

Yeah. Because. No, this is what's fire the dog. It's. It's. Karma is a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing, Car.

[Miles]

Why is that?

[Alex]

Because the dog will annoy Emma and I, but Shiloh annoys that dog.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Oh. Shiloh is giving that dog a run for its money. Oh, yeah.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, non stop. The second she wakes up, Shiloh got. Got a fake dog that looks just like our dog. Another Savi, and carries it around all day and still is just Driving this dog crazy. Shiloh feeds Sabi every morning, feeds Sabi every night. And the second Sabi's done eating, Shiloh is driving that motherfucker crazy.

[Miles]

They have no life preserving skills like little babies. None my little baby will do is grab the cat's tail, cat will spin around, swat him, and he's just dying.

[Alex]

Loud, dying.

[Akash]

My best friend told me that. He said, all you're doing is trying to keep your kid from killing him themselves. That's like the first five years. That's all it is.

[Alex]

And they try. They try.

[Miles]

And then you try to, like, coach them. You're like, no, no, no, gentle, gentle. And the kid just smacks the dog in the head.

[Alex]

And you're like, all right. Oh, that's right. You have to say gentle. Because they don't understand the concept of no when they're younger. Like, they don't know a negative.

[Mark]

Don't touch.

[Alex]

They just know what touch means. So you have to find other ways to tell them to do things. So when my daughter slaps the shit out of me, I have to say gentle.

[Mark]

So she goes.

[Alex]

Yeah, but if you.

[Miles]

Say don't hit, then they're like, oh, hit. Yeah, I'll smack the out of this dog.

[Akash]

Yeah, they just hear hit.

[Alex]

I can't believe your wife's still breastfeeding. With all due respect, I don't mean to come.

[Akash]

I thought it was 18 months, right?

[Alex]

Nah. Yeah, I mean, in New York it's like a month. Yeah, New York is a very.

[Akash]

It's not a New York family.

[Miles]

Yeah, we're in Florida time.

[Akash]

A Deep south family.

[Mark]

It was important for Emma to go.

[Alex]

A year and that like it is.

[Al]

Why are you surprised? Didn't you get breastfed to like 4 years old?

[Mark]

Who, me?

[Al]

Yeah, you said you.

[Alex]

My dad took care of me.

[Miles]

Hold on.

[Akash]

Whoa. You didn't notice your dad breastfed you?

[Alex]

No, my dad stayed home. My mom went back to work.

[Al]

I knew he was hung by.

[Alex]

And.

[Mark]

That'S where I got most of my testosterone. So how long were you on the milk for? Say again?

[Miles]

How long were you milking?

[Alex]

I don't think they gave me milk.

[Mark]

I think I was Dr. Pepper and Cheetos for the most. Six months for the first six months.

[Alex]

For real. Like, I got maybe formula or something. I don't know how much breastfeeding I was doing.

[Al]

I thought you said you breastfed till late.

[Miles]

No, no, no.

[Alex]

That was you. That was you?

[Al]

Nah, no, no, I'm definitely a formula kid.

[Alex]

My. You were formula, right? Yeah, Yeah, I think My mom went back to work and, like, my dad was able to take off. Like, he didn't get paid for it, but you could. You wouldn't get fired if you're a man and you, like, didn't go to work if you had a kid, but they're like, we ain't gonna pay you. And so he stayed with me, I think, for, like, the first six months.

[Al]

Wow.

[Alex]

So we were just chilling.

[Akash]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Al]

Better dad.

[Alex]

Better dad than you, though, huh?

[Al]

Better dad than you.

[Alex]

Damn, bro.

[Mark]

Damn, that is rough.

[Akash]

Of all people, how are you gonna hit him with honesty this early? What is that?

[Mark]

I'm not even trying to be a good dad.

[Al]

It took a week off.

[Mark]

You know what I mean? Take two at least. I did take two weeks off, did I?

[Miles]

No, no, technically I didn't the third. It was 10 days.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Week and a half.

[Mark]

Week and a half.

[Miles]

Now you're back in here slaving away.

[Mark]

I feel like now, you know, my.

[Alex]

Wife is alone with a army of Trinidadian hair workers.

[Al]

Shiloh got a whole special. Bro.

[Alex]

I'm telling you, people don't care, bro. People don't care.

[Miles]

People.

[Alex]

Y' all don't care. Wait, what do you mean, no, you guys don't care? You guys didn't even say congratulations.

[Mark]

I know, right?

[Alex]

I said, guys, I had a baby.

[Mark]

To the group chat.

[Alex]

A couple y' all hearted it. A couple y' all thumbs it up.

[Miles]

Was just captured, bro. This is a lot of.

[Alex]

He goes, your. Your air is here and spells it E, I, R. No, I didn't.

[Al]

No, I didn't, cuz. I definitely.

[Mark]

I definitely chat a lot. A lot of battles.

[Joey]

Text.

[Miles]

We coming in with dashes.

[Mark]

Oh, I don't know if you noticed this.

[Miles]

Yeah, there's been a lot of dashes in the. In the message.

[Alex]

Have you been using chat gbt? Yeah, all the time to send text messages to people.

[Al]

Really?

[Alex]

Really.

[Akash]

It's helpful.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You haven't talked to Al.

[Al]

If it's just me, it's gonna be every. It's nigga this, nigga that, nigga that, everybody always.

[Akash]

Don't your chatgpt talk like a black person?

[Alex]

Hold on. You're concerned that you'll say the N word too much if it's you talking.

[Al]

Yeah. Cause I'm talking to white niggas.

[Akash]

Al doesn't use it a lot around non black people.

[Al]

Exactly.

[Akash]

I don't know if you notice he says it selectively when he gets to laugh, but that's about it.

[Mark]

Yeah, that is true.

[Miles]

He whitens it up around us. That's why he's dressed like.

[Alex]

Oh, so you code switching with us?

[Al]

Nah, it's not necessarily privilege.

[Mark]

Uncomfortable.

[Alex]

When do you hang out with non white people? I'm just trying to understand.

[Miles]

Over the break, Spanish.

[Alex]

You work with. You work with white and Indian people.

[Miles]

Over the break, he was with an entire country of non whites.

[Alex]

And then you, over the break, you went to Spain.

[Al]

I get that.

[Akash]

Oh, you gotta get that.

[Alex]

You're.

[Akash]

You are.

[Al]

Nah, because I'm moving there, so.

[Mark]

Yeah, but you can say it.

[Akash]

They don't care.

[Alex]

Also, they are white.

[Mark]

They think they're white.

[Alex]

Yeah, they aren't that. They think you're that.

[Akash]

Yeah, no, they think you're something else.

[Al]

Nah, they think I'm something else.

[Alex]

The word you just said is short for Hispanic, not short for Spanish.

[Al]

Yeah, but they don't see Hispanic when they look at me.

[Akash]

But they don't see Hispanic when they look in a mirror either, so the word is fine.

[Al]

Hey, if they speak Spanish, they Spanish. That's how. That's the New York rule.

[Akash]

That's some white passion.

[Al]

You know, the New York rule.

[Mark]

Don't pull me into, you know, the New York rule. I want to go back to pretending. So you have to code switch around us.

[Alex]

Like, you have to be a different version of yourself with your painted nails.

[Al]

Yeah, just like you say that much.

[Akash]

No, he doesn't.

[Al]

That's the only thing.

[Akash]

No, it's one of my greatest.

[Alex]

You never say it that much around you.

[Akash]

Yeah, dude, can I tell you, this is one of my.

[Alex]

You're not around nobody else.

[Mark]

You're not around nobody else to be saying it.

[Al]

Okay.

[Akash]

This is one of my biggest gripes with Al. That's why I feel like you don't use it. That you're not that good at using it.

[Al]

Oh, man, I told you this.

[Mark]

That is true. You aren't that good.

[Akash]

It's not good, right? Some people are really good. Cam Patterson.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Vintage. It's like a beautiful Merlot.

[Mark]

Yeah, but yeah, every time you're not a shooter.

[Alex]

Like, you don't have, like, some people got it. They're like Steph with it. Like, they just drop it and it buckets every single time.

[Al]

I'm a fundamental player, you know?

[Mark]

You are more fun.

[Alex]

You're like. I'm trying to think. You're like that. That Australian guy.

[Miles]

Steve Blake.

[Alex]

No, no, no, Adams.

[Akash]

Steven Adams.

[Alex]

You're like Stephen Adams.

[Miles]

Yeah, Stephen Adams.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tanya]

Mark.

[Mark]

He's good, too. If you ain't put it out. I was like, oh, you know, but Josh Giddy also.

[Miles]

Yeah, also him.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Akash]

No, that's Mark.

[Mark]

Objectively speaking, who do you think has.

[Alex]

The best N word in the all office?

[Mark]

Objectively speaking. Objectively speaking. Objectively speaking. And why don't we all just look in the direction of that person?

[Alex]

On three. One, two, three.

[Joey]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Miles]

Al.

[Al]

Good job.

[Mark]

Good job.

[Al]

I saved.

[Mark]

I saved you. I saved you. You know mom's over there, right?

[Al]

Good job.

[Akash]

Good job.

[Al]

I wanted to save you.

[Joey]

I appreciate that a lot.

[Mark]

No, but seriously, do you think.

[Alex]

Think I don't know if Miles ever said it.

[Joey]

Put sunglasses back on.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark]

Hold on.

[Alex]

I don't know if Miles ever said it, but if you did say it, I do feel like it would sound cooler.

[Miles]

Yeah, no, Miles got that. Miles said, give me that.

[Mark]

Give me, give me that.

[Miles]

Yeah. You can't handle all that.

[Al]

Come on, Miles. No.

[Akash]

Yeah. No, don't. What are you doing, dude?

[Mark]

Come on, Miles. What do you mean, come on, Miles? Yo, he said it would be cool.

[Joey]

Lose.

[Akash]

Just.

[Joey]

What are you doing? You're ask me to do something crazy.

[Akash]

Al.

[Al]

Al, what's up?

[Alex]

I want you to feel comfortable and confident.

[Al]

I feel very comfortable.

[Alex]

Is this.

[Miles]

Is this too wide of a space, you think?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Is. Is the office? Is the. The studio environment? Is it too white?

[Al]

Oh, yeah. You guys just playing with a dick outside. Hold on.

[Miles]

It was a dildo.

[Alex]

All right?

[Al]

There's a difference.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Akash]

A reasonably sized dildo.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah. Why is that? Why is that? I mean, like, black guy's a dick.

[Al]

He stuck it on his forehead.

[Alex]

You have an LGBTQ business. Your business is lgbtq.

[Akash]

Your nails are lgbtq.

[Al]

Okay, but you guys said a white space. Yeah, this is a very white space.

[Mark]

But you're.

[Alex]

Now you're talking about us playing with a penis.

[Mark]

But, like, here's white people, black people.

[Alex]

Are in sex positive. Are you against sex positivity?

[Mark]

You have a sex positive business.

[Alex]

Yep.

[Miles]

Yeah, we want to make the gay people in the studio feel comfortable.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So I stuck a giant, massive, white, throbbing cock on my forehead.

[Al]

That's more Hispanic.

[Mark]

It was a little darker. That was a Hispanic dick. That is probably true.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Mark]

What do you mean? And it was uncut.

[Miles]

And it was an uncut joke.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Nah, that dick.

[Al]

That's Spanish dick.

[Alex]

That Spanish dick.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Wait, why did you find it was Spanish? The guys were saying they thought it was big.

[Al]

No, it's a decent size.

[Alex]

You thought that was like a big penis? You would describe it as.

[Al]

I would say it's a decent size.

[Miles]

I thought it was massive.

[Mark]

Wait, what does that mean?

[Alex]

Decent?

[Al]

Like it's decent, but like it's not small, it's not huge.

[Alex]

Is that bigger than yours? Would you say?

[Al]

Nah, we're very close.

[Alex]

Would you say that that dick is longer than yours?

[Al]

It's a little girthier towards the base.

[Mark]

Bring in the dick. You can't shove it, you can't show.

[Joey]

It, we're in trouble.

[Al]

I was really studied. I was like, yo, this shit is.

[Mark]

Close to my shit. But you would say that one's a.

[Alex]

Little girthier and then a little bit longer than yours.

[Akash]

No.

[Alex]

Oh, you think you're longer than that?

[Al]

No, it's about the same. Like I held it. It's about the same.

[Tanya]

So you.

[Al]

But it's a little girthier by the bit.

[Alex]

You could tell the exact length.

[Al]

No, I held the shit like this.

[Alex]

But you held it up.

[Al]

You put it on his face and.

[Mark]

Dick kissed the tear.

[Akash]

Yeah, but that's white people stuff. You're just being gay.

[Mark]

Hold on one second.

[Al]

That's why you can't be in the office like that.

[Mark]

You just walk in, there's just dicks and then you pick it up and now I'm gay. Hold on. You held his dick to your dick though.

[Al]

Nah, I held it around.

[Akash]

He's got muscle memory of his hand getting around his dick is what he's trying to say.

[Mark]

Okay, so you grabbed the shaft of.

[Alex]

The dick and wrapped your fingers around it.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Al]

Yo, you put it on your.

[Akash]

Your face. He put it on his lips.

[Mark]

N. I ain't going to make me gay. I ain't going to make me gay. Talking about this, I wanted to throw something. Take a gulp, bro. Just take a gulp. That water. How big is that water compared to your.

[Alex]

That is.

[Mark]

How big is that water?

[Alex]

Remember when Al said he had a 10 inch dick once?

[Akash]

Yeah, nine and a half.

[Alex]

Nine and a half inch dick. And then we just brought a six.

[Mark]

Inch dick in and he was like, that's a decent size stick right there.

[Al]

That's not six.

[Mark]

I thought six.

[Miles]

Come on.

[Mark]

I got a good eye. Y' all know I got a good eye. That's absolutely. You could tell how big a dick is.

[Al]

I know. I just know that's not six.

[Alex]

But that is a six inch deck.

[Al]

It's not six.

[Miles]

It's on the box. It says six.

[Alex]

We literally ordered.

[Mark]

Bring it in. Get the dick, get the dildo.

[Alex]

And we need something to measure it with.

[Miles]

Technically we have to blur it.

[Alex]

Well, Joey will measure it over there to find out the Exact length of Alex's DILD dick. Because now Alex has confirmed that his dick is no longer than that.

[Miles]

This is like the OJ glove moment, dude. Yes, it is.

[Alex]

We're about to find out.

[Miles]

Dick fits.

[Al]

Oh, this is not good.

[Miles]

All right, hold on.

[Alex]

We gotta hide it.

[Tanya]

We gotta hide it.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Al]

Happy New Year, everybody.

[Miles]

That thing is like maybe five.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's a five inch. That's a five.

[Joey]

Well, a piece of paper is eight and a half by 11.

[Miles]

11.

[Akash]

Oh, wow, that's a good point.

[Alex]

See if this is where it starts.

[Miles]

No, you gotta go.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You don't count the balls either.

[Miles]

Yeah, of course.

[Alex]

I think that's a six inch dick.

[Mark]

Yeah, six.

[Alex]

Maybe. Maybe five and a half.

[Al]

This is 11. And you just got a little space right here.

[Alex]

No, I don't know.

[Akash]

You can't count.

[Miles]

And suction.

[Akash]

Can't count the suction. You gotta count it from there. From the base of the chest.

[Al]

Guys, are you guys intimidated by my dick?

[Miles]

Honestly, a little bit.

[Alex]

I mean, if you have a 10 inch stick, yeah, sure. Honestly, a little.

[Akash]

I'mma be honest.

[Joey]

It's a weapon, probably.

[Akash]

Everybody's dick is bigger than mine. I'm not really intimidated by much of it. So I just don't think that's nine inches.

[Miles]

I'm gonna hide this.

[Al]

One sec.

[Mark]

I don't want to get demonetized. I took one for the team.

[Miles]

My bad. Sorry. Sorry for putting the show on my fucking.

[Mark]

My bad, dude.

[Alex]

Jesus. I'm a fucking patron.

[Mark]

Oh, my God. You are a patriot.

[Al]

Yeah, man.

[Alex]

Respect.

[Mark]

Yo, shout out.

[Alex]

You, bro. Yeah, shout out.

[Al]

You've never looked more comfortable, bro.

[Miles]

Do I look taller? I got lips in right now, that's all.

[Alex]

All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. Listen, you've got places to be, okay? Sitting in a waiting room for hair loss treatment isn't one of them. HIMSS makes expert care accessible on your schedule, so you can skip the line and focus on feeling like yourself again. HIMS offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingred that work, including chews, oral medications, serums and sprays.

[Mark]

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[Alex]

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[Al]

David.

[Alex]

All right, I already started eating this one. They got a new flavor. Basically the best protein bars on the planet. Everybody already knows this. The best macros you want, the most protein, the least amount of calories, it's David. They taste absolutely delicious. They got a new one, this cookie dough caramel chocolate crunch flavored bar. It's fantastic.

[Akash]

They're part of the Bronze line.

[Alex]

The Bronze line?

[Akash]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Phenomenal. It's a little less protein. I kind of like the taste better. I love the gold, but I kind of like these even better, to be honest with you. Well.

[Miles]

Mid bite is crazy.

[Mark]

Put this in perspective.

[Alex]

David delivers 150 calories, 0 grams of sugar across both its Gold and bronze products, delivering 28 grams and 20 grams of protein. Respectfully, that's 75%.

[Akash]

Respectfully, no disrespect intended.

[Mark]

I don't want disrespect here.

[Alex]

Present calories to protein. The highest protein per calorie ratios of any leading bar on the market, which typically around 40%. Not only or the macros undeniable, but these bars taste absolutely amazing. David's commitment to not compromising on taste and texture has led to the design of their two unique texture profiles. With Gold delivering an indulgent dough like texture filled with satisfying chunks and crisp and Bronze offering a decadent marshmallowy base.

[Mark]

With a luxurious chocolate coating.

[Alex]

Dave, Protein bars are perfect for whenever I'm in a rush, that's for sure. And when I'm also mid ad apparently. Okay, your boy's getting after it. I'm able to get over 20 grams of protein for just the calories of a snack. So head to davidprotein.com flagrant where? So head to davidprotein.com flagrar where they're offering a special deal for our listeners, viewers, all of you. When you buy four cartons, you get your fifth free. You can also use their store locator. Go do that. Thank you so much. Peace.

[Miles]

What's your New Year's revolution out.

[Mark]

New Year's?

[Miles]

Is that what it is.

[Alex]

I thought you said, are y' all raising your kids?

[Al]

That's what he said.

[Akash]

Y' all are raising your kids in New York. Because if so, there's a solid chance at least one of your sons ends up doing that.

[Alex]

You know what?

[Akash]

All due respect. You know what I mean?

[Mark]

All due respect.

[Alex]

Call our kids hypothetically gay.

[Mark]

Well, you say he's more comfortable making an appropriate choice.

[Al]

We talk about my dick. Which one of y' all kids is gonna take some D about that?

[Mark]

Let's talk about it.

[Alex]

Damn.

[Al]

Yeah, with all due respect, let's talk.

[Akash]

I just did it, cuz. He said he's more comfortable making inappropriate jokes about his son. So I said, well, there we go.

[Alex]

All aboard.

[Mark]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[Alex]

Making inappropriate ones where he's a heterosexual.

[Mark]

Male, not some hockey show watching.

[Miles]

Yo, have you been watching this by the time.

[Alex]

No, I haven't watched it.

[Akash]

I need to.

[Miles]

Everybody, nice guys.

[Joey]

Good news.

[Mark]

But, yeah, no.

[Alex]

The chances of a kid being gay, I mean, you gotta love them no matter what.

[Miles]

You gotta hit with the Kevin Hart answer.

[Alex]

Did you hear?

[Miles]

He was in an interview. They're like, do you want a gay kid, daughter, whatever? He goes, I just want two healthy children. I was like, oh, nice.

[Akash]

He learned from that Oscars conversation.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

But he got out of it. It became. It went viral on Twitter. Yeah, but it was a good answer. It was very good.

[Alex]

I mean, isn't that what you want.

[Mark]

At the end of the day?

[Akash]

Exactly.

[Miles]

Right? I want two healthy kids. That's all 100% and I think the healthiest thing thing. Let's go to this video.

[Mark]

What is this?

[Miles]

What is this? Miles?

[Joey]

Do you guys want to watch a clip from the hockey show?

[Miles]

Can you explain what the show is and why it's going?

[Al]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Why is this, like, a big deal?

[Miles]

And why do straight girls love this so much?

[Joey]

All right, straight women, first off, love this show. I don't know why.

[Alex]

Is it based on a slut novel?

[Joey]

It is based on a slut novel.

[Alex]

Okay. Well, that's why.

[Joey]

It was a show that was. It was a book and then it was a show that got optioned in, like, Canada. It was sort of a low budget, like, little show based on the book. Then HBO picked it up in America and it went fucking nuts.

[Alex]

Bonkers.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Over the break.

[Joey]

And it's about two gay hockey players who secretly are lovers. There is a Russian man on the right here. That would be the. If you had to sort of like, I don't even want to give them to an NHL player, but it would be, like, the two top best players.

[Akash]

I know you're gonna say, yep, there's two of them. And I just say he didn't want to disrespect him. But we're not saying he's gay, but he's like the Alex Ovechkin type.

[Joey]

Another one would be Crosby, and then.

[Akash]

The other one would be Sidney Crosby or like. Like, Alex Ovech is, like, the bad boy, the rough guy or whatever. He's like a badass Alex Ovechkin, and then Sydney Crosby is like, kind of like.

[Joey]

He's also Russian, and I don't want to. With Russians, like, no idea who these.

[Al]

People you're talking about, but we get it.

[Mark]

We get it.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Mark]

You're not white.

[Al]

No. I want to get some context.

[Mark]

Everyone knows you're not white, bro. Can I get some context? I want to enjoy the story. Everyone knows.

[Akash]

I literally gave you context right after.

[Mark]

I said, everyone knows you're not white, Al.

[Miles]

But when he's dressed like this, he is white.

[Mark]

Say the N word so much. When you're not with us, you say it all the time. You're not white.

[Al]

Your son's gay, bro.

[Mark]

It is true, though. If he does record a podcast at.

[Alex]

Wtf, there is a very high likelihood.

[Al]

Likelihood. They're all over the place, popping up everywhere.

[Miles]

Okay, what is this? What is the clip?

[Joey]

This clip is. They're just hanging out. They're playing video games with the boys, just like you guys do with your friends. I imagine this is a common situation you run into, correct?

[Miles]

Yeah, of course, dude. Me and the homies.

[Joey]

Boys are hanging out. It's a long clip.

[Alex]

The guy on the left never played a video game in his life.

[Tanya]

Life.

[Joey]

Also, the hockey team is called the Metros, which I think is a fun. Come on, that's fun.

[Akash]

Get to the.

[Mark]

Oh, do you want. What are we doing?

[Alex]

We're watching the whole show. I was.

[Akash]

That was crazy. You see him doing that?

[Mark]

What it do?

[Akash]

So he's doing this little joint right here.

[Mark]

You guys wanted the point.

[Joey]

I'm telling you, you got to watch the. It's Slow Burn, man.

[Alex]

He want.

[Mark]

He wanted to warm us up.

[Alex]

What's he doing?

[Miles]

Doing?

[Mark]

What is he doing?

[Akash]

Then your son will find out about it.

[Mark]

Animal, can y', all, with all due respect, at least. Your mom's a slut, too. My mom deserves some good.

[Al]

That's od.

[Akash]

My mom deserves some good dick. Just like this guy's about to get on the phone.

[Joey]

He just said, I'm not Going to touch you. But if you get hard, things get to happen.

[Miles]

N. This is like if someone has my nicotine pouches, I'm trying to get him back, son.

[Akash]

It's so sensual.

[Miles]

I do the same thing.

[Joey]

That's the hardest part of the show. It's the sexuality, dude.

[Miles]

Oh. Oh, he's great.

[Mark]

I can't even react to this cuz I got upset. People got upset at me. Last time we were watching the champions show, what was the movie called?

[Alex]

Warriors. Challengers. Challengers.

[Miles]

Bro.

[Mark]

Why is he awesome at it? What the hell?

[Al]

Oh.

[Mark]

Oh my. Is hungry.

[Miles]

Damn enthusiastic.

[Alex]

No, it's Soviet.

[Miles]

Yeah, he doesn't understand the concept of. No, that's fire, dude.

[Alex]

Look at this.

[Mark]

This is crazy.

[Joey]

This isn't even a crazy scene.

[Alex]

What do you mean it's not a crazy scene?

[Mark]

What do you mean it's not a crazy scene? He's blowing the other guy on national television.

[Joey]

Miles, you know how you show your boys your apartment, right?

[Alex]

This is what you do.

[Joey]

You go, hey, I'm a rich hockey player. You're a rich hockey player. Let's look at our apartments together.

[Alex]

So this is the whole show as they just hook up with each other.

[Joey]

For the first four episodes it's pretty hookup. And then the last two, you sort of get some storyline and so why.

[Al]

Do straight girls like this shit, dude.

[Joey]

It makes straight girls.

[Alex]

Girl's horny.

[Joey]

I don't know why.

[Mark]

I don't know why. Sound effect right there. What was that sound effect?

[Joey]

You gotta drop an octave sometime to.

[Alex]

Explain how horny it is.

[Akash]

I like the apartment open. Open kitchen.

[Mark]

I love the layout.

[Akash]

Yeah, right.

[Miles]

The nice sliding doors.

[Akash]

Fireplace.

[Alex]

I don't love the fireplace.

[Miles]

It's a little too sterile. But it is nice. The space is open.

[Akash]

Just having a fireplace, it's not cozy enough enough.

[Alex]

I agree.

[Miles]

Oh, but it's about to get a lot warmer. Oh, man.

[Joey]

Wait. Hard cut.

[Akash]

You know, I lived in New York long enough that whatever this is. See dudes making out.

[Alex]

I'm in the wide angle.

[Akash]

See dudes making out.

[Alex]

That's.

[Al]

Come on.

[Mark]

This is like a jump scare. This is the scariest movie I ever seen in my life.

[Miles]

Where are my glasses, bro?

[Mark]

Oh, my God. This is Hills have Eyes. It just happens like that. Like it is 28 days later. They shoot it like a horror. Is that the idea? They edit like a horror film. That was nuts.

[Joey]

The other guy shows the other apartment.

[Alex]

It's can you do it missionary like that?

[Mark]

You and your boys? No, because girls have butts too. Like you Know what I mean? But can they go even in missionary?

[Miles]

Yeah, they're very innovative, these folks. Hold on. Is this going to just be the same thing again?

[Joey]

No, it would never, dude. It would never be the same exact thing.

[Akash]

Oh, God.

[Joey]

Now this one's got way more buildup to play more sensual.

[Mark]

I'm built up, really built up right now.

[Alex]

Oh, not the breathing.

[Miles]

Why the breathing, bro? The ASMR breathing.

[Joey]

The whole show is that it's a lot of sound effects fully like.

[Alex]

And are the actors straight?

[Joey]

That's a great question. Dude.

[Alex]

That's acting. What they was doing just before. If they're straight, that's acting.

[Mark]

Golden Globes like.

[Alex]

No, you got to, bro. Cuz Al is still in a comatose.

[Mark]

State after what he just hole in his head like. You got Al. You got to do it without the glasses on. The glasses? My protection a little bit.

[Al]

I've been able to just peek at it.

[Joey]

Yeah, you think. Think you could act like this?

[Mark]

You, you.

[Joey]

You're in movies.

[Alex]

Could I act like that?

[Mark]

Of course, bro. Are you kidding me?

[Miles]

Yeah. Method.

[Alex]

Yeah, I could do it. I could get domed.

[Al]

Oh.

[Akash]

Oh.

[Alex]

This is.

[Miles]

This is how it's edited.

[Joey]

Yes, there's.

[Alex]

That's not that. That jump wasn't that crazy.

[Joey]

Well, well, this is the first time.

[Alex]

Don't they lube or something?

[Joey]

Context of the show. This is the first time they hooked up.

[Alex]

Okay, question.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Don't they need Lou.

[Mark]

I said wait.

[Al]

Then I.

[Mark]

Bubble on him though. Run that back 10 seconds. Cuz he kind of got a thing on him. Oh, no.

[Alex]

Nah, he does.

[Mark]

That's like the daughter from la, man. The daughter from lame, man and him got.

[Alex]

Got the same cheeks.

[Mark]

Okay, there's.

[Joey]

There's one.

[Mark]

You wouldn't get behind that out if you.

[Alex]

If there was no balls coming back at you.

[Mark]

If there was no balls coming back at you, you wouldn't get behind that.

[Akash]

Objectively, he's right. I gotta be honest.

[Mark]

Yo, he got a good butt.

[Akash]

You can't deny it. Especially for a white has, you know.

[Alex]

Oh, why is he playing his chin? What is that?

[Mark]

Wait, they like that?

[Akash]

Yeah. That is fascinating.

[Alex]

That guy's straight.

[Akash]

Like watching nature documentary.

[Alex]

That guy's straight.

[Mark]

Just wait.

[Alex]

He's straight. Which one?

[Al]

The guy.

[Alex]

The guy playing with the titties.

[Mark]

No way he's doing that. There is no way.

[Akash]

Oh my God, I'm farting.

[Mark]

If you bring my legs up like that, I'm farting, bro.

[Alex]

I'm sorry. What happens when you pull out that thing so easy?

[Mark]

What happens when you pull out that thing.

[Alex]

Dude, Secrets.

[Miles]

This is a hockey movie?

[Joey]

Yeah. What the six episodes?

[Akash]

Is the show actually good or is it because it's gay?

[Mark]

Do they need lube? Guys, like, why are you watching?

[Akash]

I have to.

[Alex]

We got. Oh, no, wait. Well. Well, this is more traditional way. That's how you would imagine it.

[Miles]

Yeah. This is all. This is old fashioned, conservative gay sex.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Pillow. Now he's grabbing out of the.

[Miles]

Damn the miles.

[Alex]

All right.

[Joey]

All that to say miles.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Al]

Why are you watching this for the show?

[Joey]

Honestly, so I could bring it up.

[Akash]

So how does it end?

[Miles]

This is one more clip from the hockey movie.

[Joey]

Yeah. Oh, far. This is from.

[Alex]

Oh, this is hilarious. Coming October 1st.

[Tanya]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Oh.

[Mark]

Yo.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Al]

Yo.

[Akash]

Shout out.

[Mark]

Like father. Shout out. Imc. Stop trying to gay my son. Gay my son.

[Alex]

I said it.

[Mark]

Let him have a chance. No, that.

[Al]

They did that to you, though.

[Joey]

I spent so much time editing that last.

[Mark]

How did you do that with Sora?

[Joey]

Oh, so much AI.

[Mark]

Like, that's incredible.

[Joey]

The funniest thing is you have to. You upload all the photos of you guys, and then I have to go make them kiss. And they go, no, we can't do that. And I go, they're fake characters for a fake movie. And I really need them to kiss to sell this to a studio. And they go, yeah, sure.

[Mark]

Here you go.

[Alex]

I mean, that was incredible.

[Miles]

I mean, that's wild.

[Joey]

It's a real Benders trailer that I just truncated down and tossed some more shit on.

[Tanya]

On.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. I know. We're supposed to hate AI and it's horrible and we hate it, but the ability to make things gay that aren't okay.

[Miles]

What the.

[Alex]

I never got to add this thing to the clip.

[Joey]

I just wanted to show that there's more.

[Mark]

But I feel like this just.

[Miles]

You got.

[Mark]

That is actually phenomenal.

[Akash]

Like, that looks like me. That is crazy.

[Miles]

We killed it. Yeah.

[Akash]

Hey, the sensuality is really beautiful.

[Miles]

They were both number seven. That's beautiful.

[Akash]

Yeah, dude.

[Miles]

Oh, look at that.

[Alex]

True love.

[Akash]

There's one more.

[Al]

Please, please.

[Alex]

No, you guys saw one more.

[Joey]

You guys saw svp.

[Akash]

This is.

[Alex]

Hold on.

[Mark]

You don't have Al doing anything.

[Alex]

Damn it.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. Miles. Wait, what do you have from svp? Oh, this is the New Year's countdown.

[Joey]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That's hot. Happy New Year, Mom. Donnie Protester.

[Akash]

It's a phenomenal.

[Miles]

Oh, what do we.

[Mark]

What do we got?

[Joey]

Come on.

[Mark]

Yo, why do I have to kiss two different guys? Why couldn't it have been Shifty and Alex? Joey and Alex Double dick.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And Miles got none. Except for on New Year's.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. You guys are really trying to make my son gay.

[Miles]

Man, I did get footage from Miles.

[Mark]

And David on New Year's best play, Breastplay.

[Alex]

Right now.

[Miles]

I don't have any. No, Joey has it.

[Alex]

Joey, press play and edit it. Go and do whatever you need. Soar that make it as gay as possible.

[Miles]

This is not.

[Al]

I'm surprised you didn't get the scene of him.

[Miles]

This is notora.

[Joey]

I tried finding that scene.

[Alex]

That is sc. Look at the arm lock. Look at the.

[Mark]

How'd you do that?

[Miles]

It's real.

[Mark]

This is what you mean. How you know?

[Akash]

It's crazy.

[Mark]

Dad, take your glasses off. It's crazy without the glasses. I'm telling you, let it in.

[Alex]

Let it in your eyeballs.

[Al]

Nah, that is better. It's like 3D.

[Miles]

Coming at you, dude.

[Mark]

Oh, my God. What is this? What is this? That's a nut small. You threw a nut at you, bro. That's crazy.

[Joey]

What prompt did you use? Mine wouldn't do that.

[Mark]

No, the prompt. Oh, whoa.

[Tanya]

That's great.

[Miles]

Well, I coincidentally found the first frame, which is a real photograph. Let the record show. So if you go to the first frame, this is what actually happens. Happened. Yeah, that's real.

[Joey]

He's wrestling me.

[Alex]

That's how it started.

[Mark]

That's how it starts, dude.

[Miles]

Beautiful 2,000 square foot apartment, son.

[Akash]

Y' all are kind of dick to dick right there.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And now this is where it goes fake, right? So I had to add a little bit to the end the way I did it, because I said the same thing. I was like, can you make these two guys kiss? And they were like, no, we can't do it. I was like, this is the last photo I have of me and my husband. Please, just one final embrace.

[Joey]

You have to.

[Alex]

Now you have to bet.

[Mark]

And they.

[Alex]

I was like, like, well, if it's for your husband. Wow.

[Joey]

You have to, like, beg and trick these AIs into doing gay.

[Mark]

Yeah, the AIs are black.

[Akash]

That's actually.

[Mark]

You got to trick him in some gay.

[Alex]

That's all Chat ebt.

[Miles]

You got to make him measure your dictionary.

[Mark]

Chat ebt. That's from another pod. That's from another pod. I stole that joke from another pod. Which pod?

[Joey]

I want to say who's. Oh, I don't. Maybe it's Chris. Jeffo is on. I don't remember.

[Akash]

I don't know.

[Alex]

Chat ebt.

[Akash]

Unbelievable.

[Miles]

Shout out to whoever said that.

[Akash]

Phenomenal.

[Joey]

I didn't want to steal that Joke.

[Akash]

Phenomenal.

[Miles]

Isn't AI beautiful, dude?

[Mark]

Oh, my God, we hate AI.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, we hai fucking AI. So not funny and weird and all this AI slop. Oh, look at this slop. Look at this.

[Al]

Look at.

[Mark]

That is crazy.

[Miles]

That's crazy.

[Mark]

But I don't even think that's AI.

[Alex]

How long does it take to make these videos?

[Al]

That's not AI.

[Alex]

A matter of seconds or a matter of minutes?

[Miles]

Probably 45 seconds.

[Joey]

Minute maybe.

[Alex]

Can you make several of al kissing other men?

[Akash]

Why?

[Joey]

I can try while we're in the room.

[Al]

Why are you mad at me right now?

[Mark]

Please stop it. Why are you hurting my feelings?

[Miles]

Why are you attacking my character?

[Joey]

The picture is really easy to make. It's actually taking the picture to the video.

[Mark]

Why are you mad at me?

[Joey]

I have a couple benders questions for you.

[Alex]

Of course not.

[Joey]

Benders, the other gay hockey show.

[Al]

He's flustered, right?

[Mark]

He did rival.

[Joey]

He did rival.

[Miles]

He's bricked up.

[Mark]

Yo. Benders is a much better name to.

[Akash]

Our gay hockey shows.

[Miles]

Wait, so you watched this show for real?

[Joey]

I watched episodes of this show. I watched a few scenes here and there. Cause I was like, I gotta see what the hype's about. And also, I think it'd be really.

[Alex]

Fun to show up.

[Al]

I watched episodes of this show and I watched a few scenes here and there. Which one is it?

[Joey]

I did not watch the whole season. I missed first two episodes.

[Alex]

Now, can we get a girl in here and just ask them why? If this is hot in the way that, like, maybe us seeing two hot chicks, you know, hook up is hot.

[Al]

That's what I'm guessing is okay.

[Alex]

Is that the item?

[Akash]

Can we just ask you?

[Mark]

Oh, we just made it straight. And then I was immediately unreasonable.

[Alex]

Stands in.

[Mark]

Oh, more softball show where they make out.

[Miles]

That sounds cool.

[Alex]

Well, maybe not softball. Right? Cuz we want to see.

[Miles]

But what if they're hot softball players?

[Al]

No, no, no. Like L word. Remember that show?

[Alex]

Yes, vaguely. On Showtime. Showtime?

[Al]

Yeah. Like, I don't even remember anything about the show other that there's lesbians and then you'll have some softcore porn like that.

[Miles]

Did they play a spirit?

[Alex]

Okay, here's the thing, Alex. I don't know if you count because. Alex.

[Tanya]

Yeah.

[Al]

You don't count.

[Akash]

That's true.

[Tanya]

My straight roommates are jerking off to.

[Alex]

This straight roommates, meaning females.

[Tanya]

Yeah, yeah. Have boyfriends. Love the show.

[Alex]

Okay. Can now.

[Al]

Nah, I'd be mad if my girls.

[Joey]

So.

[Mark]

This is fantastic. You want to go watch another dick?

[Joey]

Just.

[Mark]

Nah, keep going. Keep going. Like, work through all these feelings because I understand what you're saying. Like what.

[Al]

What is it about you're getting turned on by other dudes and then you're getting turned on by gay on top of that. Nah. And then you're with me.

[Mark]

Nah, nah, nah. Cancel this show. This. Is that about me? Yeah, exactly.

[Al]

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Mark]

And Al has zero gay tendencies at.

[Alex]

All, so I don't understand why you would like that.

[Al]

But their generation likes softball.

[Akash]

Men.

[Alex]

That is true.

[Tanya]

Do those men look soft to you?

[Mark]

Yes, they take it.

[Alex]

They're kind of taking it in the most masculine way.

[Tanya]

They are athletes. They're athletes with huge arms.

[Alex]

And the way that they were getting after it.

[Mark]

Yeah. Is extremely.

[Al]

It was. It started slow and sensual.

[Joey]

That was some slow.

[Alex]

But then once they were in the. They became guys.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Mark]

This is the first time women are.

[Akash]

Like, choosing to watch.

[Mark]

Okay, okay, hold on, hold on, guys.

[Alex]

I understand this. Okay?

[Al]

So the only. What is going on?

[Alex]

So this is what I'm wondering with the women here.

[Al]

What's wrong with the world?

[Alex]

What. What are you. Who are you seeing yourself as when you're watching it?

[Tanya]

See, that's the fun part. It's like a new thing that we're, like, part of it, I guess.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tanya]

And you, like. I mean, obviously the Asian guy is the woman.

[Alex]

May I get.

[Mark]

I wouldn't say that, but I see your point. Because I watch the show.

[Tanya]

It's the dynamic.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Alex]

More context. More context to the question. Okay, so if we're watching traditional porn, we're imagining ourselves as the guy. The girl is doing the things to the guy.

[Tanya]

Yes.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tanya]

Yes.

[Alex]

We don't really watch, like, girl on girl porn. I don't wanna speak for you guys, but, like, just girls is for girls. People do, but girls do not. Guys, like, I don't know any guys who are like, I need to find something to jerk off to. And it's just two girls petting each other. Whatever.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Alex]

With girls, if you're watching two guys go at it, you're watching a guy blow another guy.

[Tanya]

Right.

[Alex]

You're not imagining you're the guy getting blown.

[Tanya]

Nor am I imagining giving a blowjob. It's more of just like a feeling. It's like. It's just a part of this.

[Alex]

It's just hot to be a guy. Yeah.

[Tanya]

But also, like, you're.

[Akash]

I don't.

[Tanya]

That's not really part of.

[Al]

Kind of masculine and like, that.

[Alex]

What happened?

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Al]

I don't know.

[Miles]

They're all on birth control, they prefer feminized men. Look it up. O.

[Tanya]

But are those men feminine?

[Alex]

And who invented birth control?

[Miles]

Exactly.

[Joey]

Yes.

[Alex]

The Rockefellers.

[Miles]

Whoa. What?

[Mark]

Stop trying to make this video get 2 million views.

[Alex]

Stop.

[Mark]

Stop trying to make this the biggest podcast we've ever done.

[Miles]

What the heck is wrong with.

[Mark]

What are you doing talking about the one thing that gets views on the Internet right now? Calm down. Don't let us start talking about Argentina and Wildfire.

[Alex]

Okay, okay, okay. So you're not visualizing yourself as one of them?

[Tanya]

No, it's not so simple. It's just like, oh, my God, this is.

[Alex]

Damn, that felt like a shot.

[Miles]

Like how we watch porn.

[Al]

To be honest.

[Akash]

Yeah, it ain't simple, right?

[Mark]

That looks too small for that to go in there. Oh, it got in there.

[Alex]

Oh.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Alex]

Okay. So again, what is hot about it?

[Tanya]

What isn't hot about it is my question. Like, I. I just. Like, I'm. I'm in a different world where I'm like, that is good. Like, my friends are barking at the tv.

[Akash]

Really?

[Al]

So then would you be with a guy that's bi?

[Tanya]

Would I. I mean, yeah, I have.

[Miles]

Well.

[Mark]

I thought they dropped a hand. I just don't get it. I just don't. Oh, well, what about.

[Miles]

About this. And she's like, yeah, I'm doing that every day.

[Tanya]

That's fair.

[Al]

She's pans. That's your mot. She's pans. She's pans. That's why all that shit is pants.

[Miles]

Pan is a woman that love to vibe.

[Tanya]

She's one of the guys.

[Akash]

That sounds kind of pan, to be honest with you. No.

[Alex]

Is it pants or pans? Pants.

[Akash]

It's Pam. It's Pam.

[Mark]

It's a really cool Pam.

[Alex]

Sexual. Okay, so, okay. Pansexuality is a sexual orientation.

[Akash]

That sounds exactly like what you just said.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Alex]

This is you.

[Al]

How are you denying?

[Alex]

We don't want to put labels on anybody. I do.

[Mark]

Listen, if you want, we gotta figure this out. Al's got nail polish, got his feet rub. The Burning man, goes back to New York. Now, if we really want to throw it back to the 1970s, Tanya's gonna get on that mic and shut this whole down. So we have to hold one second. No, no, no, no. Don't let her get that mic just yet.

[Alex]

Okay? Okay. So just. Okay, just out of curiosity, there was a point in time. There was a point in time where, at least when I was growing up, I think if a girl knew that a guy had did something with another guy, maybe Even in the past, they were not as attracted to that guy. And you're saying, like, in your generation, that is kind of.

[Tanya]

I'm kind of an outlier with my friends. Like, my sister, like, would never hook up with a bi guy. That's like a rule she has.

[Alex]

Well, I didn't even bring that up.

[Tanya]

At all in my. Some people have that.

[Mark]

But I like how, I like how you're saying sucking a dick is the.

[Alex]

Same as being black.

[Mark]

No, she said, hi, guys.

[Akash]

Hi, guys.

[Mark]

Black guy, you listen, black guy.

[Alex]

Rac.

[Mark]

I thought you just brought up your bicer. Would never date a black guy. And none of you guys batted a bisexual. I thought, I thought you said black guy. We wouldn't bat it on. That's probably true. All right, guys, stay brave for a second.

[Alex]

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[Mark]

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[Miles]

Yes, of course.

[Alex]

Okay. And there's no judgment.

[Mark]

There's no judgment. We're moving to Venezuela. We're moving to Greenland. Okay.

[Alex]

Okay. So if a guy was like, yeah, you know, I've hooked up with some dudes, whatever, like that. But I also like chicks. There's no that. There's no knock at all on.

[Miles]

No.

[Tanya]

I'd be like, great, I'm a gay guy. That's cool.

[Alex]

Oh, but you also see him as gay.

[Tanya]

Yeah, I mean, I work in here.

[Mark]

That's a good point. No, no, no, that's a good point. That is a good point.

[Akash]

Deflection.

[Mark]

She.

[Akash]

She masked her own close mindedness for a second and put it on us. Don't do that. That's you.

[Alex]

That was j.

[Akash]

That's you.

[Alex]

Okay, okay, hold on.

[Akash]

Now you see the world properly in one way.

[Tanya]

Okay, I agree. I can see things as gay the way you guys do. I just don't see it as a negative.

[Alex]

But wait, we don't see it as negative.

[Al]

We don't see it as don't.

[Alex]

Well, because we don't hook up with them no matter what. Matter what. So if somebody's gay or straight, it doesn't matter to us because we're not attracted to them.

[Tanya]

You're thrilled your son is gay?

[Alex]

I wouldn't be thrilled if he was straight or gay.

[Mark]

Good.

[Alex]

Yeah. Being thrilled he's gay, I feel like means there's something wrong being straight. And I don't think there's anything wrong being straight.

[Miles]

It's kind of performative.

[Akash]

It seems performative.

[Alex]

This is the performative liberalism that I think rubs maybe people from our generation the wrong way. Where you're like so stoked, you're almost like pushing it. Where, where it's like, well, if you actually think it's fine, then you're just excited that he's a good person. That's what? I would be excited if he was a good person.

[Tanya]

That was such a woke answer. I'm really impressed.

[Mark]

I think it was. That was kind of woke. Y' all don't realize that we're the real woke ones.

[Miles]

Soon, dude, he's fucking live.

[Mark]

You're gonna realize we're the real woke ones.

[Alex]

Honestly, I also grew up in a dance family.

[Al]

Guys.

[Alex]

You guys just found out about gays? My neighbor died of aids. Okay.

[Mark]

Like, this is brand new for y'. All. We've been on this gay shit.

[Akash]

You know, that's actually the series finale of Eden Rye, Rock.

[Joey]

And Benders.

[Mark]

I don't think we made it to the series finale. We were canceled.

[Joey]

He caught it.

[Mark]

Okay, so.

[Alex]

So, so, okay, Just so we understand it. So it doesn't affect it at all. And guys are more confident sharing these things because there might have been a time when we were growing up where if a guy did do some gay shit and then they're like, I don't really kind of want to do that. They would never share with a girl because they'd be concerned that a girl would judge them.

[Tanya]

Yeah. I think bi men feel like the most present prejudiced. Like, they feel like people aren't into their whole vibe because it's, like, engaged.

[Alex]

You're not. Not straight enough for the straight.

[Tanya]

Not getting up for the straight girls.

[Akash]

Like, being interviewed. You often hear that from black, biracial.

[Alex]

Yes. It's like, you're not black enough for the black community. You're not white enough for the white community. So you're kind of in the middle.

[Tanya]

I'm not going to speak on the black community.

[Mark]

I'll give you an example.

[Akash]

Like, you worked in this office.

[Mark]

Exactly.

[Tanya]

This white office where we throw around.

[Alex]

How are we a white office? Like, who's white here besides me?

[Al]

And.

[Alex]

But I'm not white. But the whole office.

[Mark]

Who's white? Like, look around. He's Puerto Rican.

[Alex]

He's Puerto Rican.

[Miles]

Shifty's Mexican.

[Mark]

He can't be Puerto Rican.

[Alex]

Shifty. Shifty's Mexican.

[Akash]

He speaks Spanish.

[Alex]

He's Indian. Shifty without Mexican is African. African.

[Mark]

They're from the continent of Africa.

[Akash]

Can I take some. Very, very honest.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Akash]

This is the. This is the thing I noticed. White people don't think Jewish people are white. We think they're white. And Jewish people are like, we're white. And white people are like, no, you're not. This is a very funny thing. They're. They're interracial, like, the same. They don't. We're like, no, y' all are white. And they're like, yeah, we are. And white people are like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Al]

Except your brothers, bro.

[Mark]

He said there's no white people in his audience.

[Akash]

He was like, everybody.

[Al]

It's just me and Akash. That's it.

[Alex]

You think that Shifty's a white guy?

[Al]

Shifty's white.

[Alex]

Shifty, Are you Mexico?

[Al]

But it's like, yeah, but no, come on.

[Miles]

Like, he doesn't speak a ton of.

[Alex]

There's no fucking Ice Raid or whatever here. You don't have a car anyway, so you're safe.

[Mark]

Yeah, too soon. Too soon.

[Alex]

Okay. Anyway, point being, there's no negative. There's no negative attachment whatsoever. If a guy's like, I'm. No.

[Tanya]

And honestly, I think I implore all the straight boyfriends to watch this with your girl. It'll just be fun for everybody to.

[Joey]

Follow up on that.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Joey]

On Al's point, if your girl watches this. Not your girl. It's hypothetical.

[Mark]

This is a whole different world.

[Joey]

You live in a different dimension.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Joey]

You watch this with a girl, she gets all horned up.

[Alex]

She.

[Joey]

You guys have sexual activities after. How's that make you feel?

[Al]

You gay by association?

[Alex]

Did you.

[Mark]

Yeah, you know, y' all watch that together.

[Joey]

You just watch an episode and then you go straight to the bedroom.

[Al]

Nah, nah.

[Tanya]

But you're having straight.

[Miles]

Yeah, having sex with a woman is.

[Al]

Straight, but she got turned on by watching gay guys.

[Akash]

Why are you watching it with her?

[Al]

Yeah, butt fucking.

[Mark]

Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

[Al]

Nah, I could do it. It's good.

[Akash]

I was jokingly saying I'd watch the show on our call yesterday, and now I'm like, nah, nah, nah.

[Tanya]

It's really so good. You should watch it.

[Miles]

I'll watch it on the call.

[Akash]

I don't believe it's good.

[Alex]

Front of the front of the cabin, dude. 100. I think.

[Akash]

I think girls are overlooking that it's probably not a good show because, oh, it's a show.

[Tanya]

The dialogue is garbage.

[Akash]

There you go.

[Tanya]

But then they're banging and it's awesome.

[Akash]

Yeah. And also if you say it's not.

[Tanya]

Watching shows, everyone's watching Landman saying it's terrible.

[Al]

What streamer is that on so I can cancel it?

[Mark]

Hold on, hold on one second.

[Alex]

Shifty, I need you to chime in over here. Are we really going to talk about Land Man?

[Mark]

Right?

[Akash]

Right now I hear it's not good.

[Al]

What's Landman?

[Tanya]

It's white tv. It's Republican tv.

[Alex]

It's fire, bro. Maga got a Show it. MAGA got a show. The only shows that work on tv.

[Miles]

What.

[Mark]

What they did.

[Alex]

Right. This is Taylor Sheridan. He's the guy who did Yellowstone and what's that movie?

[Akash]

That's Fire, Hell or High Water.

[Alex]

He's a genius. Like, he's a literal genius. Yeah, but what he did, what he does so brilliantly is he only cast hot shot chicks. So every girl in the show is a dime. Even smart women in the show are hot, which is obviously fiction.

[Mark]

There's a lawyer in the show who's like a 10 out of 10, which.

[Alex]

Has never happened in the history of female lawyers, but 10 out of 10, super hot. Every girl's super hot and every guy's ugly. And it is like a guy's dream to watch super hot chicks be attracted to ugly.

[Akash]

That sounds exactly like heated rivalry.

[Alex]

Yeah, heated rivalry is two fucking smoke shows banging all the time.

[Akash]

Yeah, that's why women like it. Yeah, the guy.

[Alex]

Where's the ugly guy who shouldn't be.

[Mark]

Able to get laid?

[Alex]

And then he's getting laid, but it's just.

[Tanya]

Sounds like real life.

[Miles]

It's a woman.

[Mark]

Yeah, that's what.

[Alex]

That's what. But that's what Taylor Sheridan creates.

[Akash]

Oh, you're saying the hook is that the guy gets the hot girl? I thought you were just saying we just like. No, no, no, no, no.

[Mark]

The ugly guy you relate to gets on Adam Sal.

[Tanya]

I'm saying he casts really hot women as his wives. I laugh.

[Alex]

Who's the hottest woman he casts?

[Tanya]

He married Jennifer Aniston.

[Akash]

They're like in Hawaii. Multiple.

[Mark]

Yeah, multiple movies.

[Miles]

No. Yeah, no, Aniston.

[Tanya]

Got it.

[Mark]

I think she's a.

[Alex]

She's a. I think she's a. She's a pretty good looking girl.

[Akash]

She was like America's sweetheart.

[Tanya]

She's like.

[Mark]

That'S great. She's beautiful.

[Alex]

She's not the lawyer from fucking Internet movie.

[Mark]

Come on now.

[Akash]

In the movie, he leaves Brooklyn Decker for her, who is a literal Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

[Alex]

Yeah, that is actually realistic. That makes sense. That he leaves that girl with some sports illustrative model. No, that's just for like a little girl.

[Akash]

He gets engaged to that girl who's gorgeous.

[Alex]

The point that I was rejecting, I completely take back. And I was wrong. You were right. That's what Adam Saylor did brilliantly. And that's why he's a genius.

[Akash]

Okay, there you go.

[Alex]

Yes. You're 100. Right. This is what we want to see at the end of the day.

[Al]

Growth.

[Miles]

And.

[Alex]

And by the way, I'm talking all this about ice skating show Also, by the way, if they're gay. If the show is about ice skating, it's not hockey. But I watched the Talented Mr. Ripley last. Last night.

[Akash]

Was that gay?

[Alex]

That's the first ice skating show I never seen. You guys never seen Talented Mr. Movie with Matt Damon. Oh, my God. Phenomenal, this movie.

[Al]

Great movie.

[Miles]

Is it ice skating?

[Alex]

Phenomenal. No, it's not ice skating, but there's, like, some homosexual undertones. But this is back in the day where they just kind of, like, tease it, but they don't show, wink at it.

[Al]

Was it before Brokeback? Yeah, broke back.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like Matt. This is like a couple years after Good Will Hunting. Jude Law is in it also. What a piece. Jude Law was.

[Joey]

Oh, handsome, balding men everywhere.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Joey]

Gave balding.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Alex]

With that little receding hairline.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Okay, somehow Alex got out of this conversation.

[Joey]

It's just us, the boys.

[Mark]

Talking about.

[Alex]

Girls that are hot.

[Joey]

You just said Jude Law's hot. She left in the men being hot.

[Mark]

Yeah, I know.

[Alex]

Okay, what is this?

[Al]

I don't get it.

[Akash]

Cal outs for.

[Al]

I don't get it.

[Alex]

What?

[Miles]

Outstanding performance by an ensemble in a drama.

[Akash]

Oh, is this nominated?

[Miles]

Where's Landman? Negative 1%. All right, well, maybe it'll.

[Mark]

Maybe it'll.

[Miles]

Maybe it'll pull around at the end. They hate him. What does Ki know? You know what I mean?

[Alex]

Hell does Kali know? All right, you guys want to watch the Pit? Oh, someone's gonna die. They don't. Isn't that every show in the hospital?

[Miles]

Don't we.

[Mark]

We get it.

[Miles]

I have no idea what the Pit is.

[Joey]

Yeah, it's a medical drama.

[Al]

Is it like the new er?

[Alex]

It's er, Right, but is there anything unique about it or different?

[Joey]

Every. The episode is one hour long. It's one hour of content. Like the timeline of the show is one hour.

[Alex]

Do they do C sections?

[Akash]

24 was like that.

[Al]

That's kind of dumb.

[Mark]

Yo, yo, shifty, shifty, car mic up. Shifty, shifty, shifty. If you retard Max on this pod, shifty gonna call you out. Okay, Miles retardmax. Just right there for one second.

[Alex]

You did retard Max.

[Mark]

You said the show is one hour of peanut butter. There's one hour peanut butter. It's, like, totally safe. Listen. One hour long.

[Al]

It's one hour.

[Mark]

You nut.

[Alex]

Peanut butter.

[Akash]

You wanted it weirdly, but yes.

[Joey]

Don't do that.

[Akash]

You are within the story. It's one hour.

[Alex]

You meant that it's an hour of real time.

[Joey]

Yes.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a show, there's a very famous show called 24. Yeah. That did that effectively.

[Akash]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

And then another show called Adolescence.

[Joey]

Oh, yeah, it was.

[Alex]

Also did that. Yeah, yeah.

[Joey]

The famous like oner show. It's all one shot.

[Miles]

And that kid just won a Golden Globe.

[Alex]

He did.

[Akash]

He was phenomenal.

[Al]

Oh, he did, yeah. What about the dad? The dad should have got some too.

[Akash]

Dad wrote the shit.

[Alex]

Really?

[Akash]

That actor, Stephen Graham. Beast.

[Al]

Wow.

[Alex]

Beast biracial. Yeah, but you wouldn't give him credit because he doesn't look the part.

[Mark]

Fucking unbelievable, dude. Unbelievable.

[Miles]

The world we live in, Black Hollywood is running everything.

[Mark]

It is crazy. And the guy who made the music.

[Alex]

For Wakanda, White guy. And the music for Sinners, White guy. We don't give no credit to Ludwig. Yeah. Why can't we celebrate?

[Mark]

When white people make the best African music? Why can't we celebrate? Need I need Ludwig Vaughn Goranson. Why can't we celebrate? Pull him all up.

[Joey]

You heard his name.

[Alex]

Yo, shout out.

[Mark]

He just won a Golden Globe, bro. They gave the white man a Golden Globe. The only. The only guy to win the Golden Globe for Sinners was a white man. Hollywood doing that thing. Look at him.

[Miles]

Oh, he's like me.

[Mark]

Oh, my God.

[Akash]

He does look hella like Mark.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Mark]

Nah, he's bangers.

[Alex]

You can just tell Wakanda forever. That's Wakanda Forever.

[Al]

He used AI.

[Akash]

He used AI.

[Alex]

No, this is. Look at. That's.

[Mark]

What kind of.

[Alex]

That's Sinners, bro.

[Miles]

Wow.

[Alex]

He did. He did Wakanda. He did Sinners.

[Akash]

He looks like Asher Roth.

[Mark]

Yo, shout out, Asher.

[Alex]

Yeah, shout out a goat.

[Mark]

But this is beautiful.

[Alex]

We're all working together and it's merit based. This is what we want.

[Al]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Al]

Does he bring dildos to the office?

[Miles]

Maybe.

[Alex]

What's wrong with that?

[Mark]

Who knows?

[Alex]

What is wrong with bringing dildos to the office? Six inches.

[Al]

We not shooting this hockey show.

[Mark]

Sorry.

[Alex]

They don't have the fucking slenderness at the base that you do. Yes. Your dick gets skinnier towards the bottom slightly. It like opens up.

[Mark]

It's like a Nerf football, dude.

[Al]

Not that dramatic.

[Alex]

But what is it? What does it look like? Like a nuke from Fallout.

[Miles]

Yeah, like a snake after a meal. What does it look like?

[Mark]

What does it look like?

[Akash]

Dude, Black snake mode.

[Alex]

Snake.

[Miles]

This is MLK's vision, bro. This is fine. You like MLK, right?

[Alex]

Can we be supportive of this?

[Al]

I am supportive of it.

[Miles]

You like mlk, right?

[Al]

I don't believe it.

[Alex]

If a black dude did the music for friends, wouldn't you be excited about that? Wouldn't we celebrate that?

[Al]

What music?

[Mark]

Besides, you think a white guy was keeping that? You think a white guy. That's true.

[Al]

Yeah. Nobody.

[Mark]

You could. He couldn't even do it. He couldn't even do it. He couldn't even do it. All right, all right.

[Al]

Okay, all right. I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you sometimes. You guys got it.

[Miles]

Al, do you know what MLK's birth first name was?

[Mark]

Shut up, Mark.

[Miles]

You know what was it MLK's real name?

[Mark]

He got his tattooed on his arm. He got a tattooed on his arm. Break it. I want to see that cover up. He might.

[Miles]

He might know.

[Alex]

He might know. Let's just see.

[Mark]

He don't know what's his.

[Miles]

You're scaring me.

[Mark]

What's Martin Luther King's birth name?

[Al]

Look it. Look it up. Joey, I don't know.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Do I need to?

[Mark]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

It'S a random question.

[Mark]

Al's tattoo going from Martin to Malcolm very fast.

[Miles]

What is his.

[Alex]

What is his real birth name?

[Miles]

His real birth name is Michael. Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah. What's so crazy about that? Anti climatic is an just an interesting.

[Miles]

Fun fact, that's all. I just figure everyone knew that.

[Alex]

Michael King Jr. Yeah, I did not know that.

[Akash]

You know Malcolm's last name.

[Alex]

Well, well, before we move on to that, why did he change his name to Martin Luther then?

[Miles]

I think him and his dad like. Wait, is this a setup?

[Akash]

Maybe?

[Alex]

I thought that's where you're going with it.

[Miles]

No, no, no, no. I mean, the truth is kind of boring, but I think he like just was inspired by the Reformation. The Martin Luther love led to vindicate the. The Christian faith.

[Alex]

I. I've heard about that. And where was that Martin Luther from? He was German.

[Akash]

When did he decide? What year did he decide? After a trip in what year?

[Mark]

Wait a second, hold on. Wait, I'm feeling. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Shifty, go.

[Miles]

Was it night in the 1930s?

[Mark]

This one. Hold on, hold on one second.

[Al]

I don't like you.

[Mark]

I don't know where to stop doing this. Martin Luther King.

[Akash]

Oh, I see it.

[Alex]

Okay. Went to Germany in the 1930s.

[Mark]

He had some great ideas. I didn't know this part. And then immediately changed his name to a white man.

[Akash]

Oh my God.

[Alex]

Oh, this went off the rails.

[Miles]

My bad, guys.

[Alex]

I'm just. I'm just saying it's another example Of German and black greatness coming together.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Alex]

German and blacks coming together.

[Miles]

Jesse to make wins of gold. Oh, in Germany.

[Alex]

Yep.

[Miles]

That's great.

[Alex]

Damn right.

[Miles]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Alex]

Yeah. You know, according to certain podcasts, they'd say that Jesse was treated like a king out there. That's what people have said. That's what certain people are saying, Certain podcasts people have said. You know, it's all propaganda.

[Al]

I don't know.

[Alex]

Jesse Owens was a.

[Mark]

Okay, what else we got, boys?

[Alex]

What else we got?

[Akash]

Oh, oh.

[Alex]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Go, Akash, go.

[Akash]

All right, so I have a camera person. He.

[Miles]

He.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. This is.

[Akash]

Handles all my editing, all my content. He was the head of my content. He called me, like, a month ago, and he was like, hey, man, I need to come clean about something. I had a gambling addiction. I worked through it. I just want to let you know. And, you know, I owed some money, but everything's taken care of. I said, okay.

[Al]

Nice.

[Akash]

That's great.

[Alex]

It's good for him. Yeah.

[Akash]

No, no, no, no, no. Not be Kevin straight. I won't say this guy's name, but I'm. Yeah. So I'm like, sounds great. He recovered.

[Miles]

You met him.

[Alex]

You met him when we were in Abu Dhabi.

[Akash]

Yeah. I was like, okay. Hey, that's all good. You recovered.

[Alex]

He asked me for a Kalshi promo code. Did you know that?

[Mark]

I never told you that.

[Alex]

He was like, yeah, what is the promo codes for cow? I was like, I'll get you one.

[Akash]

As time passes, the edits are looking a little sloppy. They're coming late. I'm starting to get concerned. I call the guy that he works with, who's a responsible guy, Realtor, whatever. I'm like, hey, hey, man, I'm starting to feel weird. This guy has all my camera equipment. I needed you to find a way to get it back for me because they're both not in New York. They're international. They come from Canada. So he's like, all right, man, let me see what I can do. I get a text from the former addict texting me. He goes, dog, I would never steal your equipment. That's crazy. I start feeling so guilty. I say, yo, man, how could I accuse him of that? This guy performed. He worked through it. I get a text. Ten days later, I'm doing a gig for Kraken. Shouts to cracking. That was great. But I get a gig of three the morning. Hey, man, I'm sorry. All of your equipment is at a pawn shop right now. Three different pawn shops.

[Alex]

You Know how hard it was for.

[Akash]

Me to not the greater Toronto area.

[Alex]

You know how hard it was?

[Mark]

Oh, three.

[Akash]

All my drives, not just the camera.

[Alex]

You get, yo, that's facts. These H1Bs, bro.

[Mark]

Hiring these H1B from America.

[Alex]

American.

[Mark]

He would never do that. Now, he might the audio and video of every single time, but you would get your cameras. You get the cameras.

[Akash]

He said, I went to a pawn shop, which sounds like minority behavior if I got to be honest.

[Alex]

I feel like the whites do the pawn shop. I think the whites do the pawn.

[Al]

It's a mix of both. It's a mix of both, is it? It's just some real por son.

[Akash]

So all my drives, all my shows, any clip on upload, gone. So I call this guy, and I'm trying not to lose my mind by go. Are you kidding me? You know what's crazy? I go, you know what's on going crazy? You text me 10 days ago, tell me you would never steal my equipment. I feel. I believe you. I feel guilty. That. And then he goes. He goes. I swear to God, he goes, it's the playoffs. No, no, no. He goes. He goes, I didn't steal it. I pawned it. I was like, oh, oh, me in my face.

[Mark]

I'm different.

[Akash]

Oh, how different? And he got mad at me. He was like, I just can't understand how you don't see the difference. I was like, dog, he just had.

[Al]

To get his money back.

[Mark]

Just go buy it, man.

[Miles]

He was about to win.

[Mark]

We're about to be rich. We about to be rich. Why you getting on it? Nah, it's funny. He's making a play real quick.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Landman is down now for the Golden Globe, but you don't know what could happen, bro. We got a year. How many we got a year? Peanut butter.

[Akash]

I depicted. And I'm calling the pawn shops he went to, like, hey, this guy stole my equipment. I need to get it back. And they're like, he didn't steal it. He pawned it. I'm kidding. They're like, well, we need him to come in because we need proof that it's his or that is not his. Whatever. We. As far as we know, it's his. So he got to go in and get the equipment back.

[Alex]

That's actually really funny. With a pawn shop. Like, a pawn shop exists for people with addictions to sell that's not theirs.

[Mark]

And you call them like, it's not even his. Like, they're supposed to be like, oh, this has never happened here before.

[Akash]

I'm saying, I'll give you the money, but I can't trust that guy to get my equipment again. And they're like, well, I don't know what to tell you. And they're like, do you have receipts? And I'm like, yeah, I could find receipts. And they're like, all right, let me call you back. I call six times. I don't get a call back. They don't give a. Dude, they're just like. And it's not even. They're being shady. Just like, I don't give a. About your little international. I gotta ship this Internet even if you give me the money. Get the out of here. I'm not doing that. So I had to figure out a way. It took all weekend. I was panicking all weekend. Sorry I ignored your phone calls.

[Miles]

Huh?

[Alex]

Should have. Should have hit a pause.

[Akash]

I should have hit a pause. Well, well, but then he needed. He would have needed the guy to go in, and I. I don't. I think Hoss would have wound himself, gotten himself in trouble.

[Alex]

Fair enough.

[Akash]

So to protect Horse, I had. The guy's. The guy's business partner who's, like I said, a responsible guy. He dragged him to the pawn shop. And then.

[Mark]

But anyway, how, How, How.

[Alex]

How sad is this, bro?

[Mark]

I mean, on real.

[Alex]

I was just checking in with Aash, cuz he wasn't checking in with me with my child. So I was making sure he was okay. And he hadn't sent a single message my way.

[Akash]

It's cool you ignored me trying to hang out, you know, I mean, I did.

[Alex]

I did.

[Miles]

He seems justified. He has another problem.

[Akash]

I had issues, dude. It was a real thing.

[Alex]

So where. What is the status of the camera?

[Akash]

So now that guy. You know, it's also crazy. The. The. The guy who took the pawn. The equipment was like, oh, I needed to pay my. My business partner, bad guy, cuz he had apparently taken his credit cards, maxed them out, rung up crazy debt to him.

[Alex]

Do you know what he's gambling on? I got to know.

[Akash]

I don't know. But this is what's. Gamble responsibly. Dude, I have a problem with gambling, but do that. Here's the thing about gambling addiction.

[Alex]

Drink.

[Akash]

I grew up with alcoholics. You drink enough, you'll just die. You drink too much heroin, you do too much, you'll just die gambling. Whatever I can get my hands on, I can just lose it.

[Al]

Yeah, but now he's probably sucking dick.

[Akash]

I hope so.

[Mark]

Yo.

[Akash]

I hope he is.

[Al]

You got to make that money.

[Akash]

I Hope you sucking dick for parlays. I want that for you. I want that.

[Al]

All right.

[Miles]

Come on.

[Mark]

This guy's an addict. He's going through it.

[Akash]

I tried to be empathetic. It didn't happen.

[Alex]

I'mma be honest with you, bro.

[Akash]

I'll be an extra in heated rivalry right now.

[Alex]

Sucking dick to gamble is crazy. That's insanity. Treat it like any other drug, rude addiction, right? Like nobody's so addicted to sex they willing to suck dick for it. And that's sex.

[Al]

Wait, hold on.

[Alex]

Like, if you're a straight dude, you're addicted to sex, right?

[Al]

No, they do gay just because they're.

[Alex]

So addicted to sex, that's addiction.

[Al]

I believe.

[Akash]

I believe.

[Mark]

Now that's addiction, bro.

[Alex]

That's addiction. But gambling, like, is anybody sucking dick to put money on the game?

[Akash]

I hope so.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Alex]

If it is, hope so.

[Miles]

100%.

[Alex]

We need a betting market on for that immediately. Bro, can we put a market up for your boy?

[Akash]

Yeah, I would love that. Yeah. Odds on whether or not he's sucking dick, he'll probably lie about about it. Cuz he told me he stole my and pawned it. Not, not stole it. He pawned my so he could pay this guy back. That guy was like, he didn't pay me back.

[Miles]

No.

[Akash]

So that's what. Cuz I was like, I don't believe you. There's no reason you would steal my to pay back this guy that. You're so close.

[Alex]

This guy's going to give you AOS for defamation.

[Akash]

I didn't say his name.

[Alex]

No, but he's going to do it anyway. And somehow AOS is going to lose. I know.

[Mark]

Somehow Aash is going to spend a quarter million dollars in a lawsuit and lose to the guy who sold all.

[Alex]

His camera equipment to a pawn.

[Akash]

Hit me four days later. He's like, I'll pay you back as soon as I get on my feet. I was like, you ain't getting on your feet. I didn't even respond. What is this dumbass text you're sending me?

[Miles]

Poor guy, though. I mean, poor guy.

[Mark]

He's an addict. He's an addict. You have to treat him like an addict.

[Akash]

I hate all of y'.

[Mark]

All.

[Akash]

I hate all of y'.

[Mark]

All.

[Akash]

Your wife is white, Your son's a gay. No due respect. I hate all of you.

[Alex]

No due respect, son.

[Mark]

You're too rich for people to feel bad for you, bro.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Alex]

You're too rich. Now if he pawned all of Jaslene's.

[Mark]

Bags, that Would be hilarious. That would be. I'm not going to lie. That would be absolutely hysterical.

[Alex]

That.

[Mark]

That would be content.

[Alex]

Oh my God.

[Mark]

But it was really you on the side. Look at the video camera footage. He's got a sh on. I don't know what happened in the bags.

[Miles]

Wait, so did. Did you even ask about the parlay? Cuz I feel like before I judge him, I want to know.

[Alex]

Yeah, did he. What was he gambling?

[Akash]

If he won, I'd have got my back.

[Mark]

No, you wouldn't.

[Alex]

Cuz he want to gamble more like once you got some heat, you got to keep rolling.

[Mark]

Keeps.

[Akash]

But he lost. Whatever he got, he broke again.

[Miles]

But if he loses enough times in a row, he's about to win.

[Alex]

Exactly. That's true. So like you can't lose forever. Yeah, it's gambling.

[Mark]

You know what I mean? If it was. It's called gambling for a reason. It would be called losing if you lost forever. Eventually you're gonna win.

[Alex]

I think we gotta let him roll.

[Miles]

Call him.

[Mark]

Call him up. Call him up.

[Akash]

Hey, we got some cameras in here.

[Mark]

Yo, we should invest.

[Alex]

We gotta invest in him.

[Mark]

Okay?

[Akash]

For real.

[Mark]

Call him up.

[Akash]

Okay.

[Al]

Tell him.

[Alex]

Tell him I wanna put one dick suck on his phone.

[Mark]

Let me Venmo, you a dick suck.

[Akash]

How much you want pay?

[Alex]

No, no, I'm not. I told lips you're going to pay through gay sexual acts. That's it.

[Akash]

Wait, you're going to get your dick suck.

[Al]

Hold on.

[Alex]

My wife just had a kid, bro.

[Mark]

She's cut open. And I ain't getting my dick sucking a long time. You don't want somebody going through something a little desperate. He going to want it.

[Alex]

You think them hockey boys want it?

[Mark]

Oh yeah. This guy a gambling addict?

[Miles]

He's feeling lucky.

[Mark]

Oh, lucky dude. Anyway, shout out Maduro though.

[Miles]

Poor. What the.

[Alex]

I don't know.

[Mark]

I want to see Venezuela. I want to see this episode of.

[Miles]

Pawn Stars of just your guy going.

[Akash]

Hell.

[Al]

I feel bad for this guy.

[Alex]

Yeah, I feel bad for him too, bro.

[Akash]

Al, I hate you. I hate you. I hate your 5 inch dick. I hate everything about you.

[Mark]

Has a problem. Where's your empathy, bro? Where's your compassion? Wait, how did he get it back?

[Miles]

How did he get the cameras back?

[Akash]

I had to have his homie go get it with him and now it's in his homie's possession.

[Miles]

But he didn't spend the money yet.

[Akash]

No, he spent all the money.

[Miles]

So did you have to put the.

[Alex]

Money up to get it?

[Akash]

I had to pay the money. Yeah.

[Mark]

Oh, wow.

[Akash]

Yeah. I had to pay his homie the money to go get it. And then I got. And the main issue is all my shows and were on there. I'm working on a new hour. Everything is. No, I'm getting it. Hopefully this week.

[Mark]

This just got got by got twice. You ain't got no camera. I got anybody else in Canada, H.

[Akash]

Gonna go to jail.

[Mark]

Who the else go to jail.

[Akash]

Hoss is good.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Hos is good.

[Mark]

He's good money People we know in.

[Akash]

Canada, he got to go with the guy.

[Alex]

Yeah, we. We could send somebody with him that wasn't his partner in crime originally.

[Akash]

I don't. I don't know where the guy lives. I got to figure out where he lives.

[Alex]

Why do you have to figure out where he lives? Do you know where he lives now?

[Joey]

Why.

[Alex]

So then why would you have to figure out where he lives?

[Miles]

But how does he get the guy to go pawn shop?

[Alex]

Yeah, the same way he's getting the.

[Mark]

Guy to go to the pawn shop.

[Akash]

Now that guy knows where he lives. Going to his place. Grab him up. Let's go.

[Miles]

So you do know where he lives? No, because he doesn't. But his partner, his homie does. If you reach out to a random third party, he's gonna be like, all right, where's the guys who can go to the pawn shop?

[Alex]

I feel like. I feel like we're getting off topic a little bit here. I think what we should be focusing on is this poor guy and what he's going through.

[Al]

Yes, exactly.

[Alex]

And I feel like that's a good point. I feel like. Akash, when you presented this, what you were really trying to. What you're really trying to speak on is the suffering that this guy is going through. The guy had to sell your camera. Camera equipment. You think he wanted to do that?

[Al]

Yeah, He didn't want to mess up this relationship he has with you.

[Mark]

Yeah, it's the best thing he's got going for you should have text him.

[Al]

Back with the hotline for the gamblers.

[Miles]

Yeah, give him sticks, bro. Jean Valjean. You stole Here some more.

[Alex]

You need it.

[Mark]

You need it, bro.

[Akash]

What is that, son?

[Alex]

You've never seen Les Miserables?

[Akash]

No, no, no, no.

[Mark]

There's a reason why they leave boy.

[Alex]

Books out in Iraq.

[Mark]

Wait, what? There's a reason why they leave books.

[Alex]

Out in the streets in Iraq, man.

[Akash]

I don't. What do you mean?

[Alex]

The man who reads does not steal. And the thief does not read.

[Mark]

Put the shades on. Come on, bro.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Little do they know the US does both. Give us that. Give us that.

[Alex]

That.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Mark]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

Well, let's start.

[Al]

He was cool, too.

[Alex]

Yeah, I liked him, man.

[Akash]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I think you got to give him a second chance.

[Akash]

Yeah, I didn't talk to him.

[Miles]

No, I talked to him talk about sports for, like, an hour.

[Mark]

Yeah, we.

[Alex]

We. He was. He was giving us some good.

[Mark]

He was talking to me about gambling.

[Tanya]

No.

[Mark]

I swear to God.

[Akash]

No.

[Mark]

Lie. I was sitting next to him when we was going today this time, and.

[Alex]

I had no idea.

[Mark]

No idea.

[Alex]

This is kind of Al's fault in a way. What did he. What were you. Were you putting a battery in his bag?

[Al]

I don't know. I was just acting like I was paying attention, but now he doesn't.

[Joey]

Yeah, he's telling Al. He said, y' all got all this camera equipment.

[Mark]

He goes, yo, you could pawn that.

[Akash]

I'm taking the under on Al's dick size right now.

[Miles]

You trying to get under Al's dick?

[Mark]

Whoa.

[Alex]

Damn.

[Akash]

That's where I hope my homie's gonna have to beat him.

[Joey]

Send this guy WTF Media Studios addresses.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Akash]

Oh, yeah. Hey.

[Miles]

Hey.

[Akash]

He could probably use a job, actually. He's a talented camera person. You have so much empathy. You should give him a job.

[Al]

I got guns.

[Mark]

This guy's an addict.

[Miles]

You're going to shoot a guy with a mental health issue?

[Al]

No. If he comes in my place trying to.

[Miles]

No.

[Mark]

He just needs to do first.

[Akash]

He didn't steal it.

[Miles]

He.

[Alex]

Yeah, he's not going to steal you. He's going to pawn. I ain't.

[Al]

No. I'm shooting.

[Akash]

See how I use the N word to be funny? Comedic device.

[Alex]

Damn.

[Akash]

Listen, it wasn't. You see how it also didn't really land.

[Alex]

Damn, Al. He's taking away your N words.

[Akash]

I don't think you should be allowed to use it. I don't think you should be allowed to use it because you're just not good at it. I believe that. I believe that.

[Al]

Damn.

[Akash]

I believe that.

[Miles]

He's trying to steal your.

[Mark]

He's just mad.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Al]

Nah, he's just mad. He's a sucker.

[Alex]

He got robbed by his cameraman.

[Akash]

I got rob. The guy had to support his addiction. I have empathy. You were right this whole time. Hey, if you need a job, yo, I'mma text you Al's information.

[Al]

Got you come through.

[Mark]

Got a new studio based on his favorite color.

[Alex]

What.

[Mark]

What was the.

[Al]

Canton?

[Mark]

I'm done. What's it called? I don't even know what the. If it's a Patreon or not. But thank you. Thank you.

[Akash]

Way out.

[Mark]

Yo, we're going to continue over on Patreon.

[Alex]

Man, we love y'. All, we appreciate y', all, and thank you so much for rocking with us. And we'll see you over at Patreon. Right.

[Al]

Yo, now, gay son of Do Thor.

[Alex]

Podcast.

[Mark]

That would have slapped. If I got it out, I'll take doctor. Gay son or doctor.

[Al]

You want doctor, right?

[Mark]

I'm trying to.

[Alex]

Right. If he wants to be a doctor. Or she.

[Al]

Damn, that would have slapped.