Tony Robbins (7:29)
this stress about, oh my gosh, I don't have enough time. So it isn't time that makes us stressful. It's the feelings we generate that we call time. So what I realize is I've really got to make a system up for my life that'll help me to manage all the things I got to do, but do it in a way that really gets me to achieve what I want and really gives me that sense of joy and passion and excitement and love and fun that I really want for my life. So after doing all these programs for years and years, I began to say, why aren't these programs working, I mean, they help a little, but they don't help completely. And I realized they're all based on a system of asking yourself, what do I need to do? And once I understood that, that they're all about asking that question, what do I need to do? I understood what to change. Because think about it. What you experience in your life, what you feel is completely controlled by what you focus on. If you focus on all the things you've got to do, that's the fastest way I know to get yourself completely overwhelmed. What will immediately change the direction of your life is when you focus on what you really want in this situation. And then secondly, why do you want it? So you can find the reasons that will drive you. And then what actions do I need to take to make that happen? The to do list is the third question. You say, well, what are you talking about? Questions. What are you talking about? Focus. So let me clarify for a moment. Focus determines what we feel. I mean, don't you have some experiences in your life that if you really thought about them, if you went back and you focused on them, they can make you feel terrible all over again? Maybe some things from your past, don't you have some memories if you really focused on them or something in your life right now, if you really thought about it, could make you feel really grateful or really happy. Sure. Because how you feel is based on what you focus on. I'll give you a simple example. I went to a health spa not long ago, and while I was there, all these great people, a real diversity of people, and there's this one woman there who had so much energy and seemed so happy and so playful and so warm. I remember one point, we're sitting in the spa and we're talking, and I asked her, you know, why she came. And, you know, a lot of people are coming just because they want to get stronger. And some people have some health challenges. She said, well, I have a bit of a health challenge. I said, well, what is it? She said, well, I have a brain tumor. I couldn't believe it. I said, my God. I said, how are you dealing with that? She goes, well, the doctor says, I have about six weeks to live, maybe eight. And she said, but my view is really simple. I can sit and roll over and play dead and just accept that, or I can focus on how do I really maximize every moment that I live, how do I get myself as healthy as I can be, and how do I really focus on enjoying my life? She said, because I don't think it's how long you live. It's how you live. And she said, I don't know if they know for sure. I thought, how incredible. By the way, in the same spa was a man who just maybe five minutes earlier was complaining about his room and how upset he was about it because he wasn't getting enough sunlight in the room he was never in because we're all outside exercising anyway. I mean, people get upset because their super taco from Jack in the Box doesn't have enough special sauce. Whatever you focus on, you're going to feel. And if you focus on what you're missing, you're going to feel like you're missing. If you focus on what you want, you're going to get what you want, because our brain will move us towards whatever we focus on. For example, if you go to racing school, the first thing they teach you is you got to know how to come out of a spin because you're going to hit some oil, you're going to hit something you can't control, and your car is going to spin out of control. So to be a great driver, you got to know how to come out of a spin. And here's the solution. They say, focus on where you want to go when things aren't working, and eventually you'll go there. Don't focus on what you fear. Here's what people do. The minute they get fearful and they're spinning out of control, they look at the wall. And wherever you look, you tend to drive right into it. It's kind of like maybe you've heard about or seen a situation where a person is driving their sports car, a Porsche, down a desert highway at about 100 miles an hour, and they lose control. And there's only one telephone pole every quarter of a mile, but somehow they manage to drive right into it. Why? As soon as they lose control, they go, oh, I don't want to hit that. And boom, they point right into it, and they literally strike into it. Most of us are not getting what we want because we're focused on what we don't want instead of what we do want. Now, how do we change our focus? The answer is by asking ourselves different questions. Questions control what we focus on. So if you keep saying, why does this always happen to me? You're going to come up with all kinds of reasons why your life is so messed up. If you say, how can I use this? Then all of a sudden you're going to come up with different ways to apply what you know as A human being to make things better in your life. So, as I said earlier, what is the question that all time management is based upon? I don't care whether you have one of those beautiful little Palm Pilots, which is wonderful, or some other computer device, or you have a Franklin system or a Daytimer. They're all great systems, but what they have in common is they all make you manage your life by saying, what do I need to do now? What's the problem with asking that question? Well, the answer to what I need to do is going to be powerfully shaped by the state you're in. If someone is making a bunch of demands on you right now, things they need from you, what you're going to focus on doing is whatever will make them happy and get them off your case. If you're worried about some aspect of your life, you're going to say, what I need to do is, I got to go handle that. If you're so stressed from all the demands other people are making and all the things you're worried aren't going to work, you may say, what I need to do is, I need to take a break. You may come up with things that will give you immediate pleasure, but none of these things are really a proactive life where you're designing what you want. See, most people in life tend to focus where the demands are or where they're good at something. So, for example, very often when, let's say, we feel really in control of our career, so we put a lot of time into our career, but we don't spend so much time in our intimate relationship. And then we go, what happened? Why is it falling apart? Why am I not happy? Why am I not fulfilled? It's because wherever you put your focus, you do well. Or maybe you put a lot of focus on your family, but you don't put any focus on yourself. And you wonder why inside you feel empty and you feel drained and maybe even a little stressed, maybe even a little angry that you're taking care of everybody else but not yourself. Or maybe you're not taking care of your body because you're so focused on some other area of your life. And that comes back to bite us, doesn't it? So what this RPM Life management system is going to do is help you to do two things. Number one, decide in advance what it is you want to focus on. What are the results you really want in each area of your life? In your body, in your relationships, in your business and career, in the mission of your life, what you want to contribute. And then number two, get you every single day to be focused on what it will take for you to really get the results you're after. Not what is all the to do list things that I have to get done. Because trying to focus on that to do list will make you nuts.