Emma Chamberlain (0:00)

Welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything you want advice on and then I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is work life. Or should I say life at work? Or perhaps I could say career or maybe job. I think you get the idea. I have to start by saying that I've had an incredibly unconventional career path. I started working on accident at age 16. I posted my first YouTube video and then I posted another one and then another one and then another one, and the next thing I knew by age, like 16 and a half. Being a YouTuber was my full time job and I left school to pursue it. And since then I've been pursuing it and I currently work as sort of a public figure, whatever that means. I guess the job of a public figure is to post content of oneself on the Internet for people's entertainment and consumption. It's a weird job. And because I started so young, this has always been my job and I'm very aware of the experiences I haven't had as a result of this unusual career path. However, something interesting that I've noticed over the years of just talking to different types of people about different types of careers is that it seems that regardless of your career path, there's sort of this collection of universal challenges that come with pursuing any career. And I know that because I've had conversations with people who have completely different jobs than I do, and I time and time again find that we're able to relate about certain universal challenges that come with pursuing any career. And so I start off with all of this because, number one, I think you need to take my advice with a grain of salt. I'm warning you. Okay. I have had a very bizarre career path. So keep that in mind as you're taking advice from me. But also give me a chance. Because even though I've had a bizarre career path, I also do think that there are a lot of universal challenges that that almost everyone experiences in the pursuit of a career. And so I don't have it all figured out, but maybe give me a little chance while taking everything I say with a grain of salt. Without further ado, let's get into it. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Hotels.com make your next trip work for you. Hotels.com's new save your way feature lets you choose between Instant Savings now or Banking Rewards for later. It's a flexible rewards program that puts you in Control turning every stay into an opportunity. No confusing math, no blackout dates. Use your rewards however you choose. Only@hotels.com Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the US and UK on hotels with member prices. Other terms apply. See site for details. Now back to the episode. Somebody said I'm losing the passion and motivation I once had for my career. And it makes me sad. I thought I would love this forever. What do I do? Well, I wanna start by saying that I personally have experienced this in a very big way. The job that I have is my dream job. When I was a kid, I grew up watching Internet content instead of television. I mean, I watched a little bit of television and I watched some movies sometimes, but I didn't have cable. So, you know, if I wanted to watch content, that meant going to the library, renting a DVD and then plugging it in or whatever. And that was fun and all, but at a certain point YouTube came out and that was far more stimulating. So I ended up switching over to that as my main form of entertainment. And since I was a child, I was obsessed with YouTube. And fast forward to age 16 and a half now it's my job to be a YouTuber. You know, that was my dream job. Even, like, I didn't even. Well, it was like it wasn't even my dream job fully because I didn't even know it was possible, you know. And then it happened and I was like, whoa, this. I didn't even know this was possible. But now it's my dream job. Like, what's happening? And at a certain point for me, I felt the same way. I started to lose passion for it, I started to lose motivation. And it was incredibly depressing for me because I was like, wait, my dream came true? And then some. And yet I'm not feeling inspired by this. Like, what's wrong with me? Am I broken? How is this possible? And it was an incredibly dark, challenging time for me because there's something about living a dream and it not being what you expected that's really dark. You know, like, it's depressing because if that doesn't feel good, then what the hell will, right? But as I've matured and had more life experience, I've realized that a lot of times we expect accomplishing goals to bring us some sort of sense of euphoria. We expect to reach nirvana. If I get my dream job, everything is just going to fall into place in my life. All of my problems will be solved and it's going to feel way that I've never felt before. I'm gonna feel a new feeling that I've never felt before, a sense of euphoria. And that doesn't happen, right? That doesn't happen. We only have a certain set of emotions that we can feel. And a lot of times accomplishing a goal doesn't. It doesn't. It might give you a feeling of, like, immense joy in the beginning. Like, at first, maybe not like full euphoria. You're not gonna reach nirvana, but you might feel really good in the beginning. But eventually that allure, that excitement, that energy will wear off and it'll fade a little bit. And what you once strived for, yearned for in your life will be yours. And it'll just become your normal life. And at that point, the magic is sort of gone, and you're just left with the work. That is a really hard transition from sort of the honeymoon phase, if you will, to routine. And it's almost like the transition is even more uncomfortable if it's your dream job, if it's the career you've always wanted, because you have even higher expectations about that than you would if you just, you know, got a job that maybe you. You feel like is sort of a transitionary job. Like, or it's like a temporary sort of situation. Like, you're not really going to have high expectations about that. There's almost like a higher likelihood that that's just gonna be maybe even enjoyable because your expectations are low. And who knows, you might make friends or have fun and it might actually be better than you thought. Whereas when it's your dream job, your expectations are high. You're expecting to feel big emotions, and then you don't necessarily feel as big of emotions as you thought. And then eventually it becomes routine. And then that's even worse than what you originally expected. You thought it was gonna be magic, but that's not reality. Eventually you're just gonna be left with the work. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just something you need to. But I think the best way to deal with this sort of feeling is, number one, a change in mindset. Many people believe that love is a choice. Like, especially in romantic relationships, right? You hear, like, old couples that have been married for 50 years talk about how, you know, it wasn't always easy. And a lot of the times they had to choose to love each other. They had to make a choice because it's just simply unrealistic, in my opinion and in many people's opinion, that things are going to be sunshine and rainbows and butterflies all the time. And love is going to be, you know, eternal and bountiful and just like, it's, you know, like, that is not reality. You're not going to feel that way all the time about something that you love. There are going to be days when it's challenging, it's uncomfortable, and you have to choose to continue to love that person. I think the same thing goes with a career. Like, there are days in this career where I have to choose to love it because it's challenging. And I know to some people it's like, emma, you have an amazing job. Like, shut the fuck up. But everything is relative. And there are times where I'm so overwhelmed by this feeling of, like, oh, I feel like I wish I could just be anonymous and, like, hide under the ground, like, and burrow under the ground and just feel quiet and like I'm not really being perceived. And, you know, there's sort of this weight sometimes that comes with being perceived at the level of being a public figure. And sometimes I struggle with that. And what I do is I choose to love this career anyway because there's so much about this career to love that even when I'm struggling with an element of it, I push myself to find love for it anyway. And that is crucial in continuing to do it. This is an ad by BetterHelp. While it's nice to get a break from the heat, this time of year can feel a little bit dreary. The days are shorter and colder, and it may even feel a bit isolating at times. So now more than ever, we should reach out, stay connected, and check up on one another. I recently was going through a little bit of a rough patch in my life, and I decided to text my friends about it. And I don't always text my friends about my work rough patches. But I really wanted their advice and I reached out and it was so incredibly helpful. But not everyone feels so comfortable doing that. You never know what's going on in someone's life, so why not ask them to go grab a cup of coffee? You'll probably be asking yourself why you didn't reach out sooner, though. Another really useful tool is therapy. Sometimes there are situations where someone who's a bit removed from the situation can allow you the space in privacy to work through certain challenges. And they have tools that your friends and family may not have. If you've been looking for a therapist, try BetterHelp. They've developed a network of professional therapists who are fully vetted and expected to follow a strict code of conduct. You can even switch therapists at any time this month. Don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easy to take the first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month@betterhelp.com anything the that's betterhelp.com anything this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want a website that actually looks like you, not some boring template, Squarespace has these incredible AI powered design tools that make it super easy to create something unique. Plus, if you're offering services, you can manage bookings and payments all in one spot. It's simple, stylish, and totally doable. Go to squarespace.com emma for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use Code emma to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Another thing that you could do is acknowledge the expectations that you had about this job in this situation and recalibrate your expectations now that you're in it and you're living the reality, recalibrate your expectations to make them a bit more realistic. I kind of talked about this earlier, but it's like I think we expect getting our dream job to feel a certain way and change our lives in a certain way. And a lot of times it doesn't happen quite like that. And sometimes just by addressing the expectations that you had going into it and saying, okay, this was maybe unrealistic, this made me feel disappointed because this didn't happen. But was that ever even possible? Going in and addressing your original expectations and then kind of creating a new set of expectations can be really helpful because I don't know, I think one of the greatest sources of disappointment for us as human beings is things not living up to our expectations, right? And so by recalibrating your expectations based on the reality of the situation, you can set yourself up for more success and I think, or maybe even just remove expectations altogether and instead just be open to experiencing what this job is. Although I don't necessarily think it's always bad to have expectations. I think we should hold our lives to a certain standard. But. But maybe that's just standards, that's not expectations, right? So maybe it's more like releasing the expectations and more so creating a set of standards for what you want your career to, to look and feel like and trying to keep them realistic as to not end up disappointed. Because the truth of the matter is you might be in a really incredible situation right now, but you don't feel like it's as incredible as it is because you have ext. Expectations that weren't met. Whereas if you were to not have those expectations, you would be maybe thrilled with where you're at. So that was a really messy way of basically saying that. I think it can be incredibly helpful to release expectations and recalibrate the way you look at your career, the way that you think about your career based on the reality of what it is, and reshape it in a way that allows you to see it in a positive light again. If you're looking at it through a lens of disappointment and. And expectations that weren't met, that's not gonna be good. You're gonna lose passion and motivation. But if you just kind of change your lens a little bit, maybe approach it in a way that's a little bit more realistic and sets you up to be stoked and excited and passionate and motivated, it might even just be that simple, you know. Another thing that you might wanna consider is shifting your focus a little bit from your career to something else in your life for a little bit. Sometimes when you. We can find ourselves feeling unmotivated, burnt out about a particular area of our life because we've put too much focus on it for too long. We've been too obsessed with it for too long, and at a certain point we run out of energy to give it. It can be sometimes helpful to sort of diversify what you're putting your energy into in your life. And perhaps by focusing on your social life, perhaps by focusing on your hobbies, perhaps by focusing on a side job that you, you know, you've been interested in starting, perhaps by shifting your energy to other areas of your life, you might then actually find that through that it might help reinvigorate your excitement about your career. I found that when I'm focusing 100% on my job and that's it in my life, it really leads me to feeling burnt out. You know, like, I need to have a collection of things in my life that are interesting and stimulating to me. When I'm just interested and stimulated by one thing in my life, I eventually get sort of bored of that and sick of that. And it makes me kind of dislike that one particular area of my life. If I have a lot of stuff going on, it actually allows me to feel excited about each little thing. Because I think, like, for me, when I'm inspired by hobbies and I'm also inspired by, say, like, dating, and then I'm inspired By, you know, a particular project in my life. That only makes me more excited to sit down and record a podcast because the contrast between the activities makes they. They all balance each other out. It's like, if I've been particularly social in my life, that's something I've been focusing on. There's something really nice about the solitude of sitting down in the quiet and just getting to talk to a camera. But also, too, it's like, it keeps my brain excited because I'm not just focused on one thing. I don't know. You can really hit burnout when you do that, so that could be something else to try. And last but not least, one more perspective shift that I think could help with this challenge that you're dealing with is remember that your life is a blank canvas. A book with many pages. Okay? We can sometimes make a goal and then accomplish it. In this case, getting your dream job and then realize later that it's not what we expected it to be, and then have a complete crisis about it because we feel trapped and, like, because this was our dream and then we accomplished it, that we have to stick to it. We have to be married to it. It has to be our thing forever. That is not the case. We have freedom to switch shit up. If we dreamed of something and then accomplished it and it didn't end up being what we wanted it to be, and through, you know, work on oneself, through trying to change lenses, through trying to, you know, improve perspective, things aren't getting better. That's okay. You can move on to something else. Is that gonna happen overnight? Probably not. You know, is that a process? Absolutely. But don't feel married to something, stuck to something just because it was your goal and your dream. If it ends up being miserable for you, that's okay. That just means that that was simply one page, maybe one chapter in your book. That's one corner of the canvas of your life. Like, you got a big blank canvas that you, you know, you have your whole life to fill in. You have a huge book with so many empty pages. Like, the book doesn't end of your life. When you accomplish a goal, it is completely normal to accomplish a goal and then be like, wait a minute. I'm glad that I did that, but I need to now make a new goal because there's more I want to do. Or, this didn't end up being what I expected. I want to see what else is out there. Like, I think, you know, if this was your dream situation and you're just finding yourself a little bit. You're feeling like you're not passionate about it and you're not motivated. That might be because the honeymoon phase is over and you just need to recalibrate a little bit. It might also be because it's just not right for you, you know? And so perhaps start thinking about what the case may be for you and try to keep an open mind and not feel trapped in this just because it was your dream. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Tubi. Stop what you're doing. Sideline two Intercepted is almost here. Following the hit Tubi original, it's time to dive back into all the drama, romance and chaos. If you loved Tay, Marley's the QB bad boy and me on wattpad, get ready. Your favorite quarterback and dancer are back juggling love dance distance in self discovery. Watch Sideline 2 Intercepted, premiering free on Tubi Thanksgiving Day. Now back to the episode. Next, somebody said, I'm afraid to ask questions at work because I don't want to seem stupid. How do I get over that? In my opinion, it is an admirable and intelligent trait to admit when you don't know everything. Like, there is nothing wrong with asking a question. Is it a little bit vulnerable because it shows a weaker side of you? Because we obviously like to feel knowledgeable and we like to feel smart, and we like to feel intelligent. And so to show a side of ourselves that's not as wise, perhaps a bit confused, is vulnerable, but I think it's an admirable thing to do to show that vulnerable side. I actually think it's more of a sign of unintelligence. Is that a word? Why does that not sound like a word? Why does unintelligence not sound like a word? Very ironic, considering that I'm talking about intelligence. Okay, totally. So the term unintelligence is not a recognized word in the English language or in standard dictionaries. Perfect. I love when that happens. I think it's a sign that someone is perhaps less mature and less wise if they pretend like they know everything. Like, to me, that's a sign of ignorance. It's a sign of emotional intelligence to ask questions, to say, I don't know, I don't understand. It's an emotionally intelligent thing to do to show that vulnerable side that's confused, that doesn't understand. Whatever. There's nothing stupid about that. And if anyone tries to make you feel stupid about asking a question, I'm sorry, but that's their problem. If you genuinely Have a question and you do not know the answer to it. And you're in the workplace trying to do the best possible job that you can do. And if somebody gives you a hard time about that, that is their fucking problem. Now, I don't want to, like, I don't want to have you get into, like, a conflict with someone at work. But if somebody does give you trouble for asking a question, your response should simply be, I just want to do the best I can at my job, and I don't know everything. So that is why I ask questions. And I'm not going to apologize for that because I'm trying to do the best I possibly can. But you know what? The truth is, it is so rare that in the workplace somebody's going to give you a hard time about asking a question unless they're genuinely, like, not a good person. I don't know. Or like, not a good leader in the workplace. That is. That's weird. So, like, I think what you're fearing the most is internal judgment from people that you work with. Who cares? Who cares? You know, what ultimately will have you coming out on top in the workplace? If you ask questions and get better at your job and then can ultimately climb the ladder in your workplace and become an incredibly highly achieving asset to the business. You know, like, who cares if someone scoffs at you now because you had a question when 10 years down the line, you've progressed so much in your career and have improved so much and learned so much, Nobody's going to remember when you were asking questions 10 years prior, or they're going to be like, well, we all should have been asking more questions because look at them now. Like, asking questions is so important. It's how we learn, and nobody should ever be ashamed of it. And to further seal the deal for you, I have a quote from Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher. Socrates was believed to have said something along the lines of, I'm the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. Did he say that exactly? I don't know. I wasn't there. But supposedly he said something like that. And I really think about this quote a lot, to be honest. I like this quote, really sits with me. And it humbles me daily, to be honest. It's a good one. And I invite you to keep that in your heart and in your mind next time you go to work and you have a question. Socrates himself, a very smart guy that we all talk about because of how smart he was. Even he doesn't know everything. Even he asks questions. So if that doesn't sell you on asking questions, I don't know what will happen next. Somebody said, how do you deal with burnout when your schedule is so packed and there is no way around it? I think there's a few things you can do here immediately. My suggestion would be accept doing the bare minimum. This is not the time to be overachieving. I am somebody who's constantly trying to overachieve, even when I'm burnt out. Honestly, especially when I'm burnt out. Because when I'm burnt out, my self esteem is low and I'm like, fuck, I really need to be doing even more. But guess what? That just leads me to being more burnt out, which then leads me to getting even less done. And so I think it can be incredibly helpful to just scale down what's on your daily to do list. Take it down to the bare minimum. You don't need to be overachieving if you're burnt out. And I think accepting that overachieving during burnout will make burnout worse can help you find peace in doing the bare minimum. Now that's in the immediate, right? Like that's what you can do immediately. But I think burnout tends to require more drastic change a lot of the times. Like you can't just go on a vacation and heal burnout. I think the problem with burnout is that it's so deep in the brain that it's like to truly cure burnout, you have to restructure your life. A lot of times you have to change things around. It's like a systemic issue in your life. You know, that's usually what I think distinguishes, say, burnout from like, I don't know, exhaustion maybe, like exhaustion you can, you know, go on a vacation and come back and be rested. But burnout is deeper. It's like, it's so much deeper. So you need to make long term plans on how you're gonna solve that. But even, but even more immediately than that, we'll get to that next. But you can start by planning ahead with your time off. Okay. When you're experiencing burnout, your time off, like we all have time off. We're not all working 24 hours a day. You know, all of us have at least one hour off a day. Right. I think being intentional with your time off again in the short term, not talking about like taking time off. I'm not talking about, you know, going on vacation. I'm talking about the hour you have after work every day. I'M talking about your weekend. I'm talking about time off that you already have. I think being incredibly intentional with that during a period of burnout is so important because I think a lot of times, especially when we're feeling burnt out, we don't feel motivated to do things that are good for us. In our time off, we feel no motivation at all to do anything. And so we tend to dig into stuff that's bad for us. Doom scrolling, rotting on the couch, watching like shitty tv. We do stuff that makes us feel ultimately worse. Now is that to say that there isn't a time and a place for doom scrolling and watching like shitty reality tv? That absolutely can be wonderful and recharging sometimes. But if you're already in a place of burnout, chances are you're not feeling so good. You know, burnout doesn't feel very good. And at least in my experience, doom scrolling, sitting around and watching TV all day makes those feelings worse. So the key is to find activities to participate in in your time off that balance two things. Relaxation, but also positive impact. So like I'll give you an example. You might not have the motivation when you're dealing with burnout to go to the gym. You might be like, fuck that, I can't do that. However, you might have the motivation to go for a walk outside with your roommate and talk some shit. Okay, that is so much more fulfilling. You're moving your body a little bit, you're being social. You know, that is a good use of time. It's relaxing, it's rejuvenating, but it's also productive in a way. Or not even productive, but it's positive. That's a fulfilling experience. It might seem small but. But it's fulfilling. You know, you might not have the energy to read a book, cause that takes too much discipline that you don't have. You're burnt out. But perhaps you do feel inspired to watch a documentary about something interesting and educational. There you go. That's a bit more of a positive form of content. You're learning something, but also you just get to lay there and watch it. But at the end of it you feel like you learned something and that's a really good feeling, you know, so that is another thing you could do. But now let's address the long term plan, right? If you're feeling burnt out, chances are you need to move things around in your life that requires analysis. Sitting down, perhaps with somebody you love, perhaps with a journal, perhaps just with a bowl of cereal or something and really thinking about your life. What is the cause of this burnout? Is it the schedule? Is the schedule too intense for you? Is it the type of work that you're doing? Perhaps you're actually an introvert and your work is extroverted? Like you have to talk to people every day? Is it perhaps like your significant other? Is your relationship at home really exhausting and it's causing you to feel burnt out across the board in your life? Figure out where it's coming from and it probably won't be that hard to figure out, right? If you were to look at your life and what's stressing you out the most, what's the greatest cause of exhaustion and burnout in your life? I think you can figure it out. It might be. It might be a few things. Then from there Make a plan. How can you change your situation? Again, it's not going to happen overnight. I said that earlier about something else. These things take time, you know, but they're not going to change unless you make a plan. Make a plan. Perhaps your job is the root of the issue. Start brainstorming on how you can fix that issue, either within your job or perhaps by going down a new career path. If the issue is your romantic relationship, perhaps you need to have a conversation with your partner. Perhaps it's time to break up. Start working towards solving the burnout from the Source this episode is brought to you by Mentos Gum. I think we can all agree that keeping things fresh is a must. Of course, you've gotta keep your breath fresh, but don't stop there. You can also freshen up the mundane moments in your daily routine. So pop some Mentos gum and maybe put a little extra effort into your outfit today. Or try a new workout class. Or order something different at your local coffee shop today. Refresh the everyday with Mentos gum. Available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, fresh mint and strawberry Mentos Gum. Yes to fresh.